How to say absolutely nothing in 16 minutes and 25 seconds.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

They say some stuff: it's clear, sales and profits and uhhhh… did I mention it's clear?

@fermiLiquidDrinker

4 жыл бұрын

Isn't that all corporate slosh?

@elmerjfapp5730

4 жыл бұрын

seems like they ask reasonable questions and then bepis says something like it'll sell and just put it up and it'll sell. well atleast we got to know how well it did

@Cheezburgercatz

4 жыл бұрын

welcome to corporate

@lol-de4lo

4 жыл бұрын

@@fermiLiquidDrinker no it's crystal corporate slush

This is like writing your essay and you're done by page 2, but the teacher requires 10 pages.

@Mandalore06

3 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY! I hate wordy fluff. Make your point and be done.

@KyleTO7

3 жыл бұрын

Or like writing a business plan

@KingofCrusher

3 жыл бұрын

Marketing people are some of the worst humans to ever exist, like you have to be a REAL piece of shit to go into marketing.

@unnamedchannel1237

3 жыл бұрын

Stephen Seehorn I’ll let our marketing manager know that when I get to work tomorrow, what should I tell HR when I go to see them after? Any advice ?

@davidw.montague5376

3 жыл бұрын

@@KingofCrusher Many people have felt that way, but what we have found is that if you destructively irradiate the part of your frontal cortex responsible for moral reasoning you may become much less critical of people who work in marketing.

"I have legitimate concerns about Crystal Pepsi" "Sales and profits, sales and profits, sales and profits" "Okay, you've convinced me"

"Crystal has generated the kind of following that guarantees it'll be around for a LONG time" 😢

@madally2009

3 жыл бұрын

Niver heard of this pepsi obviously niver made it to the UK or did not make it

@aussierule

3 жыл бұрын

@@madally2009 It ran from 1992-1994 appearing 'briefly' in the UK according to Wiki. It was a short lived but good soda.

@suburbanking9148

3 жыл бұрын

I remember seeing crystal a few years ago

@blaketundra3216

3 жыл бұрын

We're still talking about it

@gwockamol

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely insane. I read your comment and as I was reading it, THE GUY SAID EXACTLY WHAT I WAS READING!!!!! It was like a quarter of a second off, but still pretty much on point to exactly as I was reading. So weird.

This is why I pay for internet access.

@rebibotic

3 жыл бұрын

I liked this so much I made it into a full terrible 80's song kzread.info/dash/bejne/iah-0LNumreqhJM.html

@AB-gc3mr

3 жыл бұрын

To true endless

@rizzo-films

3 жыл бұрын

The World Wide Web (WWW) will be big one day. Better get on it early.

@joshuarankin1905

3 жыл бұрын

STOP TAPE... Me Too!

@Waynerking

3 жыл бұрын

Money well spent for sure. This is what I would buy a time machine for, how many cases of Crystal can I bring back for you?

I'm 5 minutes in but it only feels like 4 hours.

@starkicker5623

3 жыл бұрын

i made it 3 minutes and had to bail

@rickertonfickerton1268

3 жыл бұрын

1 minute in and i’m bout ready to quit

@MrGoatflakes

3 жыл бұрын

2:28 and I'm done and wondering why I miss the 80s and 90s 😋

@scurus11scurus

3 жыл бұрын

made it to 13min and now i have this nice full beard 👍

@kuantou

3 жыл бұрын

@@starkicker5623 same lol

15:08 “times are tough now. I just don’t think crystal will sell well in my store” this man was a prophet.

@nostarswithoutdarkness

6 ай бұрын

And the slimy salesman sounds like Satan 😂

"Can this product help me get my religious boating trip business off the ground?" "You'll have more sails and extra prophets"

@FATMAC2

3 жыл бұрын

10/10 dad joke!!!!! 🤣

@JackCarver_Reporting_in

3 жыл бұрын

Underrated comment. 👌

@OffGridInvestor

3 жыл бұрын

I'm Christian but THAT'S DAMN FUNNY.

@zacharyblaircox

3 жыл бұрын

Decent!

@JohnDoeRando

2 жыл бұрын

Lol... Well done.

"My grandmother isn't doing so well." "I understand your concern for your grandmother. Thinking less about her and more about crystal Pepsi means more sales and profit."

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

Sound like somebody got through all the role plays...

@ignoblesurfer6281

3 жыл бұрын

"Chemotherapy is expensive and painful. Perhaps give ol' gramgram a cold slug of Crystal Pepsi instead."

@devintariel3769

3 жыл бұрын

@@ignoblesurfer6281 Ever heard the story of the first chemotherapy? Ship full of chemical weapons sinks, survivors in the water got the first chemo lol

@shanewaters2489

3 жыл бұрын

try putting grandma in a cold barrel. It will maximize profits

@isitthechad3898

3 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣

"Certainly not a flash in the pan." "Guaranteed it will be around for a long time."

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

Don't question the tape. Crystal Pepsi will live forever.

@thecianinator

4 жыл бұрын

"Crystal is certainly not a flan. It's a brand. It's a brand of flan. They ask for flan and they're buying a brand of flan again and agan."

@DM-mj8nr

3 жыл бұрын

i feel like if they marketed it as a limited time offer (then expanded if it was successful) it would’ve done much better and not harmed the brand as much

@azeleapark

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@LatitudeSky

3 жыл бұрын

To be fair, it was back on the market in 2018-2019 and may still be around in 2020. It was unique enough to be hard to forget.

At a board meeting: "What... Our competitors have used cocaine, in their Cola" "Lets try Meth in ours".

@scurus11scurus

3 жыл бұрын

the crystal marketing team clearly had too much coke

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

It's a winning formula.

@The_Remster

3 жыл бұрын

@@ConsumerTimeCapsule is that really why it was discontinued?

@mukbangfanatic5649

3 жыл бұрын

i see what you did there. lol

@junedog4390

3 жыл бұрын

I wish

“We at Pepsi understand our customer. And our customers want Cola. That’s why we developed a cola that isn’t a cola at all. It will be around forever.”

@Hotlog69

2 жыл бұрын

Y'see, jazz is like Jell-o pudding... no, it's actually it's more like Kodak film... no, actually Jazz is like the new Pepsi - it'll be around forever. Hehehehehe

@OldManTheseDays

2 жыл бұрын

@@Hotlog69 🤜🤛

So clear, I can't see it anymore

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

HAHAHA. Well played.

@guildrich

4 жыл бұрын

Haha! Good one.

@brandonguidry4405

3 жыл бұрын

Ha ha ha

@wraithstrongopark

3 жыл бұрын

just like, john cena.

@SpencerWilliamsIV

3 жыл бұрын

There’s even Diet Crystal Pepsi, for anyone who was born without taste buds.

"And it's a product that says Pepsi " Amazing writing, just stunning

"We want a lighter drink." "Lighter... like... less dark."

After watching this I feel confident enough to sell any bullsh*t.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Just remember... sales and profits!

@john-evanbear8783

3 жыл бұрын

@@ConsumerTimeCapsule Spoken like a true Ferengi.

@msalksdnlkajndksajdn

3 жыл бұрын

Lol

@movement2contact

3 жыл бұрын

Well, talking about Crystal Pepsi and sales...

@Macfrugal_

3 жыл бұрын

You’ve got a bright future in the door to door sales of vacuums and mystery cleaning products

The Vaporwave scene is going to be mining this video for screenshots for years to come.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

6 жыл бұрын

My legacy ^

@christianalvarado7915

5 жыл бұрын

It's so freaking true 'cause I found this on r/Vaporwave in Reddit

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

That's awesome! I love that sub.

@ReplayStation

5 жыл бұрын

@@christianalvarado7915 same, bro

@silverladderAZ

5 жыл бұрын

There are some sounds in here I'm going to use in a music project.

Step one: Crystal Pepsi in your store Step Two: Step Three: Profit!

@chrismorse3862

3 жыл бұрын

Step two was increased sales, did you even watch the video..

@myplaxismodelisbetterthanyours

4 ай бұрын

Lmao

"I run a small independent grocery store" Who's gonna break it to this guy that his grocery store is just a backdrop with merchandising shelves drawn on?

@quantumblauthor7300

3 жыл бұрын

It's real to him

The real Pepsi challenge is being able to sit through all 16 minutes of this.

@yellowblanka6058

Жыл бұрын

Anybody who was able to sit through this/actually interested should be on a watchlist.

@aguyandhiscomputer

Жыл бұрын

​@@yellowblanka6058 I'm heading back to the Wendy's training video.

@lashaydagoddess-topic8053

Жыл бұрын

It's easy I'm watching this while drinking a Pepsi 😂

@Rountree1985

Жыл бұрын

@@yellowblanka6058 how could anyone not sit through this entire video? Only weirdos would choose not to watch this.

“Crystal Pepsi is not a flash in the pan” ...I’m glad I was alive to drink it as a kid, and as an adult during both pan flashes.

@user-73a

3 жыл бұрын

fuck you

@CleanupKrew7

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-73a Wow, come down there Crystal Pepsi man.

@yodiggitty8225

3 жыл бұрын

I missed it both times

@jonnda

3 жыл бұрын

@@yodiggitty8225 I'm sorry to hear that. Why or how did you miss the rerelease?

@yodiggitty8225

3 жыл бұрын

@@jonnda it came out the first time a decade before I was born, and the second time I just didnt care enough to try it

80s 90s and early 2000s camera quality seem to have a permanent nostalgia filter

@jdisdetermined

3 жыл бұрын

I know! I can guesstimate the year something was made just by the look of the video, usually within 5 years or so..

@OffGridInvestor

3 жыл бұрын

It's the fashion they wear.

"how do you merchandise crystal Pepsi" "oh we found that if you buy a crap load of it it will stay in stock longer" 😂

"Crystal Pepsi is good because it is new. Now let's listen to some upbeat music."

@maxheadrum9030

3 жыл бұрын

It really didn't taste like anything

@stoneage8593

3 жыл бұрын

„Human music... i like it!“

@Cheeseburger.Launch.Sequence

3 жыл бұрын

I didn't have the remake Crystal Pepsi a dew years ago but the original was actually not bad. Kinda over sweet I guess.

@charlesalberti563

3 жыл бұрын

@@Cheeseburger.Launch.Sequence never had the original but I had the remake last year and it was good

@uhhhno4699

3 жыл бұрын

Caffeine free cola without caramel color, still not a terrible idea. I mean, it’s perfectly clear that crystal flew right of the shelves. No one has anything like it.

Store: But we don’t have any more free space near our cash registers... Salesman: What we found is 80% of the stores that sold this got more Profits. The other 20% mysteriously burned to the ground. How many cases would you like to order?

This seems more like a pitch video than a training video.

@matthews835

3 жыл бұрын

They are training vendors on how to pitch it. Also, trying to pitch it to vendors at the same time. Nice to see sales haven’t changed in 30 years.

@dewdop

3 жыл бұрын

@@matthews835 sales... Sales never changes..

@HighlanderNorth1

3 жыл бұрын

@@matthews835 I dont know about ANY of that.... I'm just here for the kick-ass theme music! Only if it wasnt so heavy.... I think its "grindcore", or some other death metal subgenre. I usually prefer softer, cheezier theme songs in my early 90s soda sales training films! 😁

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

The first half is a backgrounder, then the second half is more of a traditional sales training. I bet the first half was played for investors or management types, too.

@alexdennery3375

3 жыл бұрын

*brainwashing

Usually when people say, "it tastes diffrent" means they don't like it.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Haha. Not to mention, it tastes practically identical to Pepsi.

@polyhistorphilomath

3 жыл бұрын

Consumer Time Capsule that in itself is not a selling point for many people.

@foylepoirot1437

2 жыл бұрын

@@ConsumerTimeCapsule no, it didn't, lol

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

2 жыл бұрын

@@foylepoirot1437 It did. That's literally a main point of the video. It was caffeine free Pepsi with no food coloring. How does that not qualify as "practically identical"???

There’s a “crystal” product that’s been selling well for 25 years but it’s not a Pepsi

@rwashamknife

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly what I thought!

@22ron81

3 жыл бұрын

Shard

@viciousKev

3 жыл бұрын

Its weed

@gr81_matt

3 жыл бұрын

🧐

@AmericanGTS

3 жыл бұрын

Say my name.

Oh boy this brings back memories... I can remember having my first Crystal Pepsi, 4:15 p.m. December 5th 1992, and I can remember having my last Crystal Pepsi, 4:16 p.m. December 5th 1992

@aguyandhiscomputer

Жыл бұрын

😄

@lashaydagoddess-topic8053

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂 it must have been disgusting

@markbooket6477

Жыл бұрын

@@lashaydagoddess-topic8053 absolutely 💯

@SideMoneyGarage

11 ай бұрын

It was pretty bad!

@Daddy-dp5gb

9 ай бұрын

Ahh .... as Coke would say, CLASSIC response 🤣

Did anyone count how many times they said “improve profits, and increase sales”.

@onepman

3 жыл бұрын

i did notice that, but i refuse to kill more brain cells watching that again, just to count. i do know that if you took a shot every time they mentioned that, youd die of alcohol poisoning way before the video ends.

@Dirkei

3 жыл бұрын

Gotta keep shareholders happy

@BrianEvans766

3 жыл бұрын

Stocks are up bonds are down increasing sales and improved profits BUY NOW BUY NOW MONEY MONEY MONEY SALES SALES $$$$$$$$$$

@ryanforbes8775

3 жыл бұрын

I know its almost like they are a company that wants to make money.

@jannesfriedrichs1563

3 жыл бұрын

They were really selling it to them!!!🤣🤣🤣

I love how Crystal Pepsi™ is a clear beverage that has a taste that is different from other clear beverages. I used to beat my wife but after drinking Crystal Pepsi™ I feel too sick to be angry. Thanks, Crystal Pepsi™!

@Kanycmka

3 жыл бұрын

jumper cables(tm)

Clearly Pepsi’s only sales tactic was to end every answer with “more profits” or “increased sales”

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Someone watched the role play section.

@stonguse

3 жыл бұрын

NPC dialogue

@sickbrain

3 жыл бұрын

@@ConsumerTimeCapsule I even stopped the video when they asked.

@sickbrain

3 жыл бұрын

It does sound like Oblivion

@finefatfly4019

3 жыл бұрын

Let me get this straight...increased sales AND more profits??!? SIGN ME UP!

Me: *scroll scroll scroll" KZread: you wanna watch a Crystal Pepsi training video? Me: I mean...

@jeffreyh1778

3 жыл бұрын

It just asked me and I couldn't say no. It was so polite. It would have been rude of me to do otherwise.

@godisking7741

3 жыл бұрын

Lol

@joem13yearsago73

3 жыл бұрын

YES

@flamecranium7787

3 жыл бұрын

_i mean_

@richardbaker308

3 жыл бұрын

And here we are

when i imagined marketing gibberish, this is exactly what came to my mind but I didn't know it.

"It doesn't taste like any cola I've ever tasted, it's got a different taste" well no wonder it did so well.

“When you look at it you have to look twice. It’s like wow, that’s a cola in there, I want to try that.”

@Rekcuf690

3 жыл бұрын

He said it about 3 seconds before I read it...

@JackCarver_Reporting_in

3 жыл бұрын

The acting was priceless. 😄

"I've got no extra space for display" "YOU'LL DISPLAY IT AND YOU'LL LIKE IT! LET THE CUSTOMERS TRIP OVER IT FOR ALL WE CARE!"

@jimmyredd

3 жыл бұрын

oh, you'll take the coldbarrell...

@bcelestial2378

3 жыл бұрын

It will lead to more sales and profit.

@Dasyati

3 жыл бұрын

@@jimmyredd You're gonna stick that barrel right next to the sandwiches so your customers can stand in line freezing their hand off with a sopping wet can of ice cold PROFIT

@coenjch

3 жыл бұрын

What we have found in our test markets is that health conscious consumers love Crystal Pepsi’s you break it, you buy it marketing; which means more sales and more profits.

Store Managers: "I just don't know about Crystal Pepsi." Pepsi: "I understand, but just put it in your store. It'll increase sales and profits." *Stares at the managers with whirling eyes* "SALES AND PROFITS! SALES AND PROFITS!"

I was 10 years old when this was made. It’s bringing me back, and reminding me how much I loved the 90’s.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

They really were the best.

@jannesfriedrichs1563

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah they sure were.. Im born 82

@McVaio

3 жыл бұрын

I think the 90s were the height of western society so far. Lots of innovation, new technology and products, cool trends. It was exciting and peaceful.

Amazing throwback!!!

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

6 жыл бұрын

Glad you checked it out, Beast!

@gregmott1821

6 жыл бұрын

The Beast brought me here. Have A Good Day!!!

@YakovGYP

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your efforts in bringing it back recently, even if it was for a short time. I was able to grab a 20oz bottle and greatly enjoyed it. I'm 38 now but it took me back to when I was around 12 years old. I miss Crystal Pepsi.

@borischervenkov3047

6 жыл бұрын

Was wondering when you were going to comment beast.

@saywhatiwant2076

6 жыл бұрын

Have a good day!!!! I'm binge watching your video's right now. Oh and F U youtube for jacking around with LA beast's views!!!

My friend got addicted to Crystal Pepsi drinking at least a 12 pack a day. Then they stopped making it and he died.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

So did the sales and profits of your locally-owned grocery stores, then.

@Prototheria

3 жыл бұрын

@@ConsumerTimeCapsule That's because his friend stopped drinking it after he died, which reduced sales, which reduced profits.

@benvervoort4878

3 жыл бұрын

Your friend died as a hero.

@itsmebrittanyl

3 жыл бұрын

Cool story, bro!

@Humongous420

3 жыл бұрын

@@ConsumerTimeCapsule pretty sure their friend was actually on CRYSTAL METH...not Pepsi

Too bad pepsi didn’t have a “Chrystal ball”

2hrs later: Fine! I'll put your dumb display in my store! Pepsi pusher: you should also add our cold barrel next your registers. Our studies found that.. Store owner: I know I know. More profits..

"Hey, I'm looking for crystal..." "*calls police*"

@carpo719

3 жыл бұрын

Or his dealer

"it doesn't taste like any other clear drinks that I've ever tasted. it's got a different taste."

@fanboysreign

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah...Ass Flavor

@alex-nh4np

5 жыл бұрын

Its supposed to taste brown

@D-Fens_1632

3 жыл бұрын

Then they made the black guy imply that it was better because they took the dark out of it.

@PixelSubstream

3 жыл бұрын

How many different clear drinks could there possibly be

@0lyge0

3 жыл бұрын

@@D-Fens_1632 ikr I actually thought at first he said "it's a whiter drink" instead of lighter. He also says it with all the enthusiasm of someone being held against their will.

"There's never been a product quite like cRiPPle PiSS"

@cellina.starfire

2 жыл бұрын

A HoH SiS!

@adangerousboy

Жыл бұрын

It's crispy piss and the meme is tight

@djk1288

Жыл бұрын

Contains fewer cats, and no fish farts!

@__Obscure__

14 күн бұрын

It's a big _SHIT_ for anyone looking for a hard _cOCc_

shop owner: Is Crystal Pepsi here to stay? crystal pepsi rep: [laughs] [does not answer]

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Sales and profits.

I met my wife at the Crystal Pepsi launch party. Its been a wonderful 27 years. We thank pepsi for being the cornerstone of our marriage.

@PoyoPancakes

4 жыл бұрын

Please tell me this isn't a joke. Because if not thats amazing. And funny.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, is this for real? If so, that's incredible.

@PatTheBatmanFan

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, congratulations! You guys must be doing very well after 27 years of increased sales and profits!

@brich2929

3 жыл бұрын

Congrats on your diabetes

@VerdammtX

3 жыл бұрын

Just like Stan, Francine and Mr. Pibb.

Crystal Pepsi was less successful than its little known cousin, Crystal Meth.

@Pacebeats

5 жыл бұрын

yeah pepsi pushed the wrong product

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

Haha. Yeah, that Crystal is definitely here to stay.

@PAUL-eq6ot

3 жыл бұрын

it contained 1% meth they coppied coke with the 1% cocaine

@PonderousProse

3 жыл бұрын

I couldn't stop thinking about that everytine they referred to it by a name what also happens to shorthand for crystal methamphetamine.

@renebrown7394

3 жыл бұрын

You,my friend, are correct.

Me: If only I had a way to increase my sales and profits... KZread: Wanna watch this Crystal Pepsi vid??

Is it weird that I love these employee training videos?

increased sales and profits Increased Sales And Profits INCREASED SALES AND PROFITS

@mjorn19

3 жыл бұрын

Am I to understand that I'll have increased sales and profits?

@chicofromph33nix64

3 жыл бұрын

AND ITS NEW!!!

@scurus11scurus

3 жыл бұрын

but what if i have increased Profits and Sales? 😐

@angrymario8259

3 жыл бұрын

IT IS CLEAR

@OGRH

3 жыл бұрын

scurus11scurus well then just throw that nasty shit into the 90s and pretend it never existed. But to be crystal clear, if you’ll reconsider, I guarantee you everyone will try it once and we’ll come back and remove it for you! So in summary when it does do that pesky profit & sales thing, it won’t last long, so let me put this barrel beside the cash register. We know this product will tank, you don’t think they tried it at the laboratory? We’ve got so much invested in this shit; we just want to make our money back and give you just a little profit-off-it! We won’t need that barrel anymore, so you can use it as a cooler at your own house or give it away as a gift, because God knows this shit will CLEARLY tank like the Exxon-Valdez did in ‘89! What’s a few more million gallons of trash to this dump anyway, right? Do we have a deal?

This is like a restrained version of Tim and Eric.

@tavern2468

3 жыл бұрын

Anthony Rizzo gravy robbers training video

Why can’t I stop hearing hearing “it would be nice to look at consumers’ balls” at the start XD.

@oliss10

3 жыл бұрын

There you are! i scrolled way to long for this...

@cellina.starfire

2 жыл бұрын

Our customers are looking for a product that will bring rats to their stores! Eh eh eh!

i realize your situation, however, profits

@releasejustbe

3 жыл бұрын

I hear that you have no space, but other stores want it and I think you will profit from that extra space ;)

5:10: “Crystal has generated the kind of following that guarantees that it will be around for a long time”. Time: about that...

@Platypi007

3 жыл бұрын

They were studying the wrong crystal. Their market studies accidentally were about crystal meth.

@johnfoltz8183

3 жыл бұрын

Plus it made a brief comeback in 2016

@paulrippcord506

3 жыл бұрын

It’s metaphorical, they meant in our hearts

@Jaqen-HGhar

3 жыл бұрын

@@johnfoltz8183 and '17 and '18 and '19. The only reason it probably didnt' come back in 2020 is because of everything that's going on. Which sucks cause Crystal Pepsi is freaking good.

@Mandalore06

3 жыл бұрын

@@Jaqen-HGhar I never saw it in my area. EVER. It sucks because I was a tot when it came out originally. I'd love to try it.

Merchant: I have a concern about doing the thing. Pepsi rep: I understand your concern about doing the thing. But you should do the thing, because there will be *More Sales and More Profits*

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

You're hired.

@DoctorShocktor

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, that’s called sales and more importantly what a business owner does, not a job/cubicle slave. It’s how you get a bigger slice of the pie.

3 жыл бұрын

@@DoctorShocktor you may have missed the point of the joke which was about the repetition of this vague claim for every concern.

@rovingenglishman

3 жыл бұрын

STOP TAPE

@Zeftax

3 жыл бұрын

It will appeal to the health conscious consumer.

I think the idea that it's not a drink, makes it seem like it's a drink. Thanks, Scrotal Beverage Company!

@cellina.starfire

2 жыл бұрын

I wonder why a product that has fewer cats than the competition didn’t stay around.

@CAHorne15

2 жыл бұрын

@@cellina.starfire Maybe because it brings rats to stores.

@djk1288

Жыл бұрын

But how will Crystal Helpsi help increase help in my HELP?

I love how vague everyone's reasons for this to exist are. Did nobody stop to reconsider 🙈

@johnkeo358

3 жыл бұрын

You should check out the real reason it was invented. From what I've read, it was invented to give to a Soviet general to drink since he loved coke so much but wanted it to be clear so everyone thought he was drinking vodka like everyone else

@OffGridInvestor

3 жыл бұрын

Pepsi was making its marketers work hard on this one....

@OffGridInvestor

3 жыл бұрын

@@johnkeo358 you mean PEPSI so much. Because Kruschev bought Pepsi to the Soviet Union but coke wasn't allowed. But I think fanta was.

@johnkeo358

3 жыл бұрын

@@OffGridInvestor yeah, typo. Im a coke cola guy

Why does marketing always come off as cold, calculated, and soulless lol

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

Your concerns are valid, but don't forget about S A L E S A N D P R O F I T S

@thecianinator

4 жыл бұрын

Because its only purpose is to trick other people into having less money so you can have more

@ryant282a

4 жыл бұрын

Because marketing is cold, calculated and soulless.

@PatTheBatmanFan

3 жыл бұрын

The question that answers itself.

@DoctorShocktor

3 жыл бұрын

Because you’re utterly wrong and probably yet another marketing victim like all of us. Marketing comes in all flavors INCLUDING soft, warm, fuzzy and empathetic. However just like handsome serial killers, people assume all threats are ugly and obvious. People spend multi-decade careers making marketing soft, subtle and drilling right into your wallet. And BTW, this isn’t consumer marketing anyway, it’s low level employee training and marketing and far, far from the hard hitting consumer campaigns.

All the kids will be clearly hooked on crystal!

@bassbinrevival

5 жыл бұрын

Meth

@gedaman

5 жыл бұрын

bassbinrevival Crystal Meth Pepsi - marketing genius idea

@uhhwhateverdude9463

3 жыл бұрын

It’s deff a meth have for the kids!

@mattnova18

3 жыл бұрын

Better than being hooked on coke?

@ens0246

3 жыл бұрын

It's TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT!!

Feels like I'm watching Rick's interdimensional cable ads

Response: Increase your sales and profit

12:08 "I understand space is an issue. What I'd like for you to do is throw out your entire stock of Coca Cola products. This will increase profits for Lord PEPSI.

@Gojoe107

3 жыл бұрын

And become part of the Pepsi people!!!!

@Hotlog69

2 жыл бұрын

That would be Saint Pepsi. 😜

"Crystal Pepsi doesn't taste like any other clear drink, it's got a different taste" hahhahahhaa

@gbales84

3 жыл бұрын

None of those reviews were positive lmao

@robdajuiceman1328

3 жыл бұрын

Almost like Pepsi or something

@timotheus2003

3 жыл бұрын

I remember thinking it tasted like a sweeter, maybe just smoother sprite lol

@ChrisLeeW00

3 жыл бұрын

"It's the first new soft drink in awhile to fly the Pepsi banner, and it's new" 1:52

@robdajuiceman1328

3 жыл бұрын

@@ChrisLeeW00 best selling point of all time

I wish they would bring it back!

The only smart one was the guy running a small independent grocery store when he called them out for only having a 2% market share lol.

@OffGridInvestor

3 жыл бұрын

When something first arrives it has 0% market share and this had only been in test markets.

@1928zxcv

3 жыл бұрын

well 2% seems small. But 2% represents the sale of all your niche brands in your store presently. Crystal will mean incremental sales and more profits to you. (nailed it!)

"Health conscious consumer" still wants to consume 100 calories of sugar, because "it's all-natural".

@bubbalover71

3 жыл бұрын

But Diet Crystal.

@HighlanderNorth1

3 жыл бұрын

😀👍Youve got it! "All natural" is ALLways a good thing! All together now, let's think of some other things that are also popular because of their "all natural goodness", like mercury, arsenic, chlorine, radium, polonium 210, asbestos, lead, radon, cadmium, ebola, dengue fever, bubonic plague, diphtheria, yellow fever, arthritis, malaria and even Covid19! Oh wait, that last one was probably created in a Chinese lab! Whoopsy!😉

@p1nkfreud

3 жыл бұрын

That same trick still applies today. "Vitamin Water", Gatorade (original variety, I am aware most Gatorade is low calorie or calorie-free), etc all have at least 100 calories a bottle, but use the "all natural" moniker to confuse people. These days, there are so many great calorie-free sweeteners. sucralose, Stevia, and neotame are great examples. Erythritol and Xylitol are excellent sweeteners too, but they still have a few calories (not nearly as bad as sugar) but they can be really bad for some pets. The best tasting beverages these days usually contain a combo of erythritol and sucralose, which lets them use less of both, and with that combination you usually only get like 20cal per 16oz bottle. Aspartame, saccharin, cyclamates, etc are all pretty bad for you, so I understand why people avoided diet beverages in the past, but these days the only ones you need to avoid are the aspartame containing ones(no saccharin or cyclamate beverages still exist in the USA), and the list of drinks that still even use aspartame is getting smaller by the day.

@bluetrinityhaloseven7244

3 жыл бұрын

@@p1nkfreud all those so-called sugars you mentioned are horrid...the only sugar that spins light counterclockwise is fructose, play with the others (inc. white sugar) and you are playing with fire.

@p1nkfreud

3 жыл бұрын

bluetrinity haloseven what in the holy fuck are you talking about? What does a chemical's polarity have to do with it's metabolism? And exactly how are the 7 chemicals I mentioned bad for you? Post sources please, or leave.

Some of my favorite quotes. “The goal of Crystal Pepsi, is crystal clear” “The demand for Crystal Pepsi ensures it’ll be around for a long time.” “Crystal in your trucks will drive sales!”

"Crystal has generated the kind of following that guarantees that it will be around for a long time" Narrator "It was not around for a long time"

The longer this goes on......the longer it goes on

@Platypi007

3 жыл бұрын

The longer it goes on means increased sales and profits for you!

@cheesefries7436

3 жыл бұрын

It's the newest addition to the Pepsi lineup, and its new.

@watteef5267

3 жыл бұрын

STOP TAPE .... now more time has been spent

@JulianPard

3 жыл бұрын

That’s like saying “last night in the Bronx 5 people were killed by a fire in the Bronx that killed 5 people”

@LoneCrusader

3 жыл бұрын

Underrated

" Here at Pepsi, we've literally ran out of ideas so in a moment of desperation, we asked the janitor what he would do to make Pepsi better. After farting and scratching his balls, he said to take the color out. Soooo, that's what we did ".

@bigbowlowrong4694

Ай бұрын

That’s highly unfair, you simplified the process way too much. They also made the flavor worse.

"wow, that's a cola in there. i wanna try it!"

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

6 жыл бұрын

This is the best line on the whole tape ^

@butts4653

5 жыл бұрын

wanna try that cola

@melissacooper4282

5 жыл бұрын

I tried Crystal Pepsi and I thought "Meh".

@last808

5 жыл бұрын

I say that all the time.

@nafphsis

5 жыл бұрын

As soon as he said that I was dead

Pepsi might be the most consistently “square” company in history. Astonishing.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

5 жыл бұрын

But. But. But.... sales and profits.

@The_child-catcher

3 жыл бұрын

Boi shut your mouth! Pepsi man is fly as fuck!

@oqsy

3 жыл бұрын

telethea the end bringer I said this a year ago. My mouth has been shut about Pepsi since.

@oqsy

3 жыл бұрын

i i Dozens of ounces, booboo. Dozens.

@maycontainnuts3127

3 жыл бұрын

@@oqsy you have seen the light, brother.

Whoever wrote the video description has earned my everlasting love and affection.

This video was uploaded with the most thorough description. It's one of my favorite writings I've ever read.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! It needed a proper description. I hope most folks take the time to read it.

Everyone: How this can be 16 minutes long? It's a torture Vaporwave fellas: This is G O L D

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Anyone who calls this torture is a terrible human being.

@kurenan4564

3 жыл бұрын

I'm a Vaporwave fella and I endorse this comment

@iamslf

3 жыл бұрын

You’re not wrong.

@jeffsipes9115

3 жыл бұрын

You mean its, C R Y S T A L!

@ClumsEGirl

3 жыл бұрын

nods

Employees being trained with this video: "I hate my life"

@LyricWulf

3 жыл бұрын

I understand that you hate your life. However, the most important thing is to love the new Crystal Pepsi, and that will lead to more sales and therefore more profits.

@zapthathattrick

3 жыл бұрын

Lol all those employees are lying and they know it is going to flop

@madsmadsoleh8642

3 жыл бұрын

@@LyricWulf 😆

Sales training to overcome objections. Summary: "I understand you concerns but this will sale like our other non clear beverage"...wow...amazing.

why the hell would they also put it in cans for vending machines when the looks of the liquid are the selling point????

the role play is basically "how to lie to customers so you can have your cake and eat it too" I also love how Mr.Moustache Pepsi Salesman flubs every single one of his lines and they didn't bother to reshoot.

Fun Fact: If you take a sip of cola every time you hear the word "crystal" in this video... You will die.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Add in the words "sales" and "profits" and it'll happen much faster.

Holy sh*t I watched the whole thing. I’m not stoned.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Understandable, TBH.

@atribecalledjudah5436

3 жыл бұрын

muselius13 but I am!

It's perfectly clear what I need to do. Subscribed.

Why did this pop up I'm my recommendations? Why am I watching this? And why cant I stop watching?

@choosetolivefree

3 жыл бұрын

Did you figure out the answers to any of those questions by chance? Asking for... someone.. else..

@gbales84

3 жыл бұрын

If you watched the old country buffet training video, this is why. Its only a downhill trip of nostalgia from here.

@angrymario8259

3 жыл бұрын

You should keep watching it as it will increase sales and profits

There's never been a product quite like Cripple Piss.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

4 жыл бұрын

You got that right. Haha.

@jreiland07

4 жыл бұрын

A HOH SIS

@LinkMcStink

4 жыл бұрын

It would be nice to look at consumers' balls.

@D-Fens_1632

3 жыл бұрын

I remember kinda liking it. It appealed to my needs as a health-concious consumer.

@Anarchist86ed

3 жыл бұрын

100 nasty ass flavors.

Got to love that vhs humming sounds. Brings back memories

"Crystal's certainly not a flash in the pan" that statement didn't age well.

I had it during the re-release and it was great. Wish they kept it around longer.

1992 “It would be nice to look into the future with a crystal ball” 2020 no...no it’s would not.

@stpstudios

3 жыл бұрын

Lol

@CoercedJab

3 жыл бұрын

2001 was a worse year... it literally set up the police state of today and the sheer audacity politicians have now all came from not being held accountable then... 2020 being bad is a meme. It’s just another year post 9/11... hell the pandemic had straight up been called a global 9/11... that’s tells you everything

@pearlspacejam8639

3 жыл бұрын

Ee Rr ...so a singular nationwide 9/11 is worse than a global 9/11?? And now the police state we have today as a result of 2001 is reaching its peak and causing clashes between civilians and law enforcement. You have literally just described why 2020 is worse than 2001.

@redneckillinois2030

3 жыл бұрын

pearlspace jam isn’t law enforcements fault that popular culture teaches how to be a degenerate

@pearlspacejam8639

3 жыл бұрын

Rednecken Illinois isn’t popular culture’s fault that law enforcement gives them a reason to be “degenerates.” I bet you yell at kids to get off your lawn every morning as well. Clearly you need something to make you feel special and validated.

I appreciate your essay. I clicked on the review of the 2018 re-release after I finished reading it.

A 15 second ad for NEW CRYSTAL PEPSI is more than enough to convince me to buy this product... but 16 minutes is just torture.

I remember when Clear first came out. i also remember Van Halen had the "Right Now" commercials endorsing it to.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Here it is: kzread.info/dash/bejne/h2lhrM2kl82dYLA.html

@toddpinkstonisgod

3 жыл бұрын

And I remember the Saturday Night Live parody of that commercial...”Crystal Gravy.” It was a classic. 😂

@toadelevator

3 жыл бұрын

We called them "Van Hagar" by that time LOL. Also, there's a message on screen during that ad saying "Right Now will do just fine without Caffeine" . Less flavor, No color, and NO Caffeine? Someone at Pepsi was an Evian or Perrier spy.

Whoever leaked this must've been threatened to be shot if they did.

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

4 жыл бұрын

The guy that sold this tape to me like 16 or 17 years ago is a saint and you know it.

Please bring this back!!!

"An alternative uh...beverage!"

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Clearly.

@abelstrd

3 жыл бұрын

@@ConsumerTimeCapsule Ha😃 I see what you did there 😉👍

It's for health conscious consumers who dont want a little caffeine, but a 1/2cup of sugar is no big deal..

@Herpaderpderpamufuka

3 жыл бұрын

@TheDevineBeing if you're health conscious, fake sugars are arguably worse.. BOOM! mic drop

@lazrussanschei5372

3 жыл бұрын

@TheDevineBeing why not drink water? It's basically free (tap water?!) And contains 0 shit, your point is null and void.

@truehistory8440

3 жыл бұрын

I don't know why this didn't boom in Utah then.

At $4.25 minimum wage in 1992, and this video being 16 minutes 25 seconds long, you would get paid $1.15 to watch this video

@ConsumerTimeCapsule

3 жыл бұрын

Underrated comment.

Sometimes I get angry at KZread for their rules and algorithms, but videos like this makes it all worth it.

“ the future, it’s crystal clear” discontinued 2 years later