The example of a person who cares about other people’s feelings more than their own sounds like what I have found out about myself in therapy. It took time but I’ve learnt to say no and I’m still learning to identify my needs. I am now in my mid thirties and me and my husband would like to have a baby but now I’m worried l’m going to lose sight of my needs again or that I’ll be a bad mother otherwise. I guess the truth is somewhere in the middle but it is so hard to find balance. Your video inspired me to work on that some more. I hope I’ll find the answer soon enough. Thank you!

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, what an important thing to think through! I definitely think there is balance and a middle ground. Having kids is one of those areas where it is sometimes required to sacrifice our own needs for the other... but not necessarily for their wants! I've also seen people become much better about their boundaries with outside "obligations" or "expectations" when they have kids because they have no choice but to focus and narrow it down! This is a great topic for a future video. I have a few other videos that might be helpful on this:kzread.info/dash/bejne/oKlnwbiEkrHOlMY.html And a livestream: kzread.info/dash/bejne/gHV3m8STfZm-j7A.html

@annnakarenina

2 жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan Thank you so much for replying and understanding! I’ve been trying to get pregnant for such a long time and I’m afraid my psyche must be at least partly at fault here. I’m going to watch your webinar later today. I hope it will open my eyes to more important issues like these.

I’m 30 years old and until about 2 years ago I had no idea how awful my childhood really was and how I was raised in a narcissistic cult. Let me tell ya it’s earth shattering to be an adult and realize that every single thing that’s “wrong” with you is 100% your “care takers” fault. I’m doing self administered EMDR and today I learned that one of my core beliefs was “love is bad/wrong.” The funny part is that I began with the issue of my weight and emotional eating. EMDR is profound how it can bring all of these things together in your mind that you would think have absolutely nothing to do with each other!! Thank you for sharing your expertise, it is truly helpful! 😊

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

I totally agree that EMDR can be profound - almost poetic in a way…. I’m so glad my channel is helping!

@dotdashdotdash

Жыл бұрын

It destroyed my life… I have spent the best part of 30 years trying to overcome the damage, I’m still not fully healed

@jennifercee5584

Жыл бұрын

You are so brave to make steps to change your life! I wish you much success in your journey!

Absolutely terrific. Thank you so much. I do a lot of work on core beliefs and you have made it so easy to understand.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for letting me know! I'm so pleased you found it useful.

Thank you very much!!

Thankyou so much for your explanation. I was an unwanted child born to a depressed mum, I always felt like I was bad as a child and I remember constantly telling myself that I don't belong and I shouldn't exist, I'm in my 50's now and still plagued by those beliefs, just a little more subtly now, deep seated beliefs around rejection have been haunted me always, i can't tell you how much this has helped.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

So pleased this has helped. It truly is possible to overcome these beliefs!

@favoriteone8636

Жыл бұрын

Me too !!!

THANK YOU for this. So much 🙌🏻🥺

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

You're so welcome!

Thank you so much! This really helps me. I was/am an empathetic child in a household that didnt really talk about feelings so ive struggled to express myself and worried about others.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, sorry to hear that... So pleased this was helpful. If you haven't seen it, you might find my video on enmeshment interesting:kzread.info/dash/bejne/eYqas5Wqpa-se5c.html

@katiegreen5450

2 жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan thank you for responding with a comment so helpful to me ❤

@favoriteone8636

Жыл бұрын

Me too!!

Shadow work and reframing work has allowed me to observe my beliefs, making me understand more and more why I am unapologetically free spirited. Pay attention 💙🦁🐺💓

Thank you so much! I recently completed a three-week partial hospitalization for anxiety, depression and unrelenting grief. It was a breakthrough experience. This, and your other videos are in my playlist of self-care tools. You are making the world a better place!

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Mark, you are very welcome. I am honored that my channel is part of your tool-box😀 and good for you for reaching out to get the help you need! Wishing you health and happiness...

I’ve been having this chest pain for ages now and I know it’s anxiety, so sick of it ): I discovered your content today and oh my god, thank you so much! It makes me so happy to learn about all this without the scary trouble of finding a therapist :D I can fix this with your help! 💛 💪🏻

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

So glad you found my channel! I do hope the material really helps! Also just want to say that sometimes a therapist can be very, very helpful and not too scary :)

Very helpful, thankful.

Very useful information Thank you.

Hi doctor, this is incredible, thank you so much

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

You are so very welcome!

This is extremely helpful. Very well explained and practical. Thank you.

Love this

Thank you for your teaching, it is really helpful❤

So true, thanks very much!

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome, Graham!

Thanks Barbara, great video!

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

Thank u very much for the video. The tree symbol is a good tool for cementing the nature of core beliefs, similarly the move towards behaviours that reinforcing positive core beliefs

Very helpful. Thank you for sharing!

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

This is amazing. Im actually so exited to try. This person is so dinamic and explains the topic in a way that you can understand it, and work with it. Idk if it will be working or not, but the fact that I tryed to get rid of that toxic and unhelpfull beliefs... means a lot for me.

Thank you is extremely helpful for me 🌟💕💐🌹🌸🌻🌷

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad!

You’re such a good person. Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s so difficult to get mental health care, and I really enjoy doing things myself. I’m very excited to use the pdf :)!!!

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Awesome. Let us know how it goes!

A great video thanks a million Barbara! I like the idea "what if", i will try it out immediately :)

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Awesome! LMK how it goes!

Thanks you so much so making such a helpful video and please keep making more.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

You are welcome, and I am planning to keep making more!!

Barbara, thank you so much! The pdf is amazing. I've been using it for "healing", I've been using techniques that really worked for me, I was feeling much much better but my nervous system was still stucked in fawn response. I've been working with the NCB that I don't love myself (my actions are result of trauma), I can't defend myself in a healthy and solid way, no hurting me or others, and the NCB that if I heal I would be crazy and alone. And it's working really well.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

So pleased that you are finding the pdf helpful! And I'm sorry to hear about all your trauma - and good for you for taking the steps to recover and lead a happy life!

@helensid6670

2 жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan your help is invaluable

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Helen: I'm wondering if you would be willing to provide a testimonial of how the PDF has helped you. If yes, would you be able to reach out to me at support@awakenjoy.life? I think your experience could be helpful for others. It could be anonymous if you like.

Very helpful.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

Amazing talk.... Thank you. God bless you

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you very much 🙏

Excellent!

@BarbaraHeffernan

9 ай бұрын

Thank you! Cheers!

Very clear and helpful

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

So glad to hear that!

Thanks, so much!

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

You are welcome!

I grew up with the kind of childhood that has rendered me unable to establish intimate relationships.

Oh wow. I've been doing this and seeing some progress in the last few months and thought I was way off base with thinking it would work. This video has validated my experience.

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

Glad I could help! Good for you for doing the work! :)

This was very helpful I definitely look forward to more of this useful information.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

Excellent and informative video, I'll be checking out your others when I've more time. Thanks for uploading 😀

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

Terrific! Thanks for letting me know!

Thanks

Awesome video

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

So glad you liked it!

I like listening to you, your voice is therapeutic

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

thank you for letting me know! I hope my videos are super helpful for you!

Great Video :)

Excellent. I was referred to this by my counselor.

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

Wonderful! I hope it is helpful!

Thanks 😊

@BarbaraHeffernan

11 ай бұрын

Welcome 😊

When I am think I’m worthy enough, I don’t automatically compare myself to whatever a funny people I talked with. I have noticed that I always automatically compare myself with them, and feel I’m not good enough. I realized both of us are all good in different ways, hopefully this belief will stay with me.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!! 👯👯🤗❤

@daphneyqin617

2 жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan 😄😄😄😄

@krash6951

2 жыл бұрын

Hows it coming?

This is exactly how I feel most of the time

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

I hope this video gives you hope that this can change!

Thank you 🙏🏻 A question: for the empathetic child now adult and the negative vote belief I’ll be selfish if I do things for me. How do you know when you are being selfish ??

13:40 please discuss about generalized anxiety

This is really helpful. Can you please make a video on ways to reprogram our subconscious mind?

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

hmmm... Many of my videos target this without using that specific phrase. I do have a webinar on Rewiring Your Brain: roadmaptojoy.life/rewiring-your-brain/ and a 6 month self-study program that dramatically shifts one's "programming": awakenjoy.thinkific.com/courses/roadmap-to-joy-and-authentic-confidence

Absolutely a great video,can you please tell more examples of negative core beliefs,🙂🙃

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

Great suggestion!

Barbara good stuff. Thank you. I'm trying to download the pdf changing negative core beliefs. It will not download or even open it. Help.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Holley: It goes right into your download folder. Check there and let me know.

Thanks Barbara Heffernan, my core beliefs were selflessness in childhood , because the society was unequal in India , I had socialist ideas, when in the 1990s the economy changed to privatisation, Neo liberal priscription,this the ideology of Ronald Reagan, and Margaret Thatcher, people become selfish,it was difficult for me to come to terms, I was stuck by mental illness, confused, low self-esteem, depression set in. Your talks on cognitive therapy and other psychological issues help me a lot but it was too late , I wrote out of context of political, and economic social issues, please ma'am bear with me. Some biochemical changes took place in my brain , I am at loss whether social environment or biochemical changes took place, if you could please give your opinion I would be glad. Thankyou.

How to get the pdf of transforming negative core belief?..Thank you

What if you do not have any evidence to base your questioning of those beliefs on? For example, if you think that you are really lazy and can't achieve much because your laziness gets in the way, the question would be "Am I really lazy?" You could lie and say "No, I'm not" but your brain knows you because it IS you, and it has the true answer because it has a track record of your behaviours. So the question is, how do you question the validity of a negative core belief when you know that you do exhibit a certain trait?

Hi. Living by new assumptions and rules is kind of hard. How would you go about it? Sometimes when I live by the cbt of a new belief and strengthen the new positive cognition, i live by some better assumptions/rules automatically but i still feel like that might not fully do the trick. You tell me, but I find a lot of emotional pain and/or uncomfortability when living by new assumptions. Thank you Barbara

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

New behaviors can definitely be uncomfortable! But staying comfortable doesn't always help us improve our lives, right?

Hello I have a question about emdr. When we are doing eyes movement do we have to move our eyes as far as possible ? Is it a problem if not ?

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Hmmmm…. I don’t think it is a problem. When I’ve worked with people virtually, they are only moving their eyes with the light bar on their computer screen- not as much as when I used to be in an office…. Does not seem to make a difference.

My Childhood Messages: You're so smart! You're so gifted! You're so talented! You make me happy and proud! Also: Why couldn't you get an A? Why didn't you watch your sister more closely? You need to get that scholarship😡 You are ungrateful for all your opportunities! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! The (insert name) kids are doing well! So.... At 43, I'm still in the race for a doctoral degree, partly because of the POSITIVE core beliefs I have... But at the same time, partly because of the NEGATIVE core beliefs I've adopted. I'm doing feeling work on this subject as we speak. Nobody is EXEMPT.

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

Yes, agreed. Also, when we are taught that our worth is in our achievements, it can indicate that we are worthwhile unless we are achieving... and therefore, at core, not worthwhile...

@kameelahsalaam2748

Жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan Absolutely!!!

@kameelahsalaam2748

Жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan I'm doing a case study on children who were raised by narcissistic parents, and it has been REALLY revelatory. I never KNEW that SOME people need a supply of adoration and acceptance from others around them in order to b ok 💕 I'm floored. That includes the KIDS! SO When I'm performing well and winning awards, I'm "loved". When I'm NOT, though... 🤷🏽‍♀️

What if you don't have negative core beliefs and you are still depressed?

How do we as parents who struggle to change our behavior that my needs are not important/I don't matter kind of parent change their child for not going same road how do I teach this my child

But a lot of people with depression don't have negative beliefs about themselves...can you address this? Not everything is a self-esteem issue.

How do i figure out these rules and assumptions for my belief do i just ask myself ?

Is it possible to have all of the negative core beliefs you go over in this video?

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

Yes, many people have multiple negative beliefs. I'd say usually there are a few truly core ones (two or three) that are under the rest...

how long does it take to change core belief through behaviour

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

Very hard to say, but it does take time. With a real effort, I'd say 1-2 years? With gradual improvement throughout. I would not recommend expecting quick results as people tend to get frustrated and give up if they think it should be quicker.

Is there a cut off age-wise? When your core beliefs are so completely developed that they can't be changed? I am 49 and feel like I'm too old to get worthwhile life changing help.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

Nope! I've worked with people in their 50s, 60s and 70s! No time like the present :)

@paulasynjohnson

2 жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan Thanks. You've helped me feel a whole lot better. Like things aren't completely hopeless.

@helensid6670

2 жыл бұрын

Hi, Paula, I'm 49 and the huge shift in my way to healing and being happy (and FREE) was 4 months ago, and I've been working with the pdf for transforming core beliefs for 2 months. It's sooooo worthy!!!! Whatever I live until 50 or 100 I'm already living a completely different life. I wish you all the Best.

@paulasynjohnson

2 жыл бұрын

@@helensid6670 Thanks

So are we just changing the rules and assumptions?

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

Ultimately, it is about changing the core beliefs themselves. Sometimes it is necessary to do this work with a professional or with EMDR.

Hi. I cant see where to download the pdf.

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

The link is in the notes under the video. Easy to see on a computer. On your phone, there is a little down arrow across from the video title - click that and you'll find the notes :)

Very helpful. Ty

@BarbaraHeffernan

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome!

IP server could not be found. Just tried to download PDF.

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

So strange! Would you mind trying again? I just tried and it worked for me: awakenjoy.lpages.co/negative-core-beliefs-pdf/ If you have pop-up blocks, the PDF won't download, but otherwise it looks like its working... please do let me know!

👍🏽🙏🏽🌟

Good morning The pdf is not downloadable

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

So strange! Would you mind trying again? I just tried and it worked for me: awakenjoy.lpages.co/negative-core-beliefs-pdf/ If you have pop-up blocks, the PDF won't download, but otherwise it looks like its working... please do let me know!

Fuck. I would have rejected this any other time. I've heard so many people mention cbt and core beliefs but it always goes in one ear and out the other, especially when it's in a soft-spoken voice like this. Idk why it pisses me off... I guess it sounds coddling, but now I understand that's probably the point. She wants our inner children to feel safe enough to catch the message. It's amazing how thick I can be. Tile to change that core belief to open, receptive, welcoming, etc.

@BarbaraHeffernan

Жыл бұрын

I love your honesty and interpretation about feeling safe...

Becoming brainwashed Back Fi is not on my wish list. It is on the wish list of my psychopath family n father. Who is no father of mine. MXN is the hurter., No they don't . Hold me back .