Absolutely love this episode. The universe sent me here as I, at the age of 30, am planning on coming out to my dad when I travel back home in February. My dad is one of the most avoidant people I’ve known and we share very different values in life, making him the last person in my family that I planned to come out to, even though I have no problems coming out to strangers on the daily basis. I don’t know how he’s going to react but I keep thinking about a scene from Happiest Season on Hulu “Everybody's story is different. There's your version and my version, and everything in between. But the one thing all of those stories have in common is that moment right before you say those words. When your heart is racing and you don't know what's coming next.”

I loved Reno's observation that Family, being the point of origin, is where our world and reality were first formed. It is the place where we learned: Love, Safety and Belonging. That is precious. I didn't experience Safety and Belonging within my family (love is another story). They learned of my sexuality through my suicide attempt, at age 21, approximately one month before I was to be heterosexually married. About 2 months prior, I was at my parent's house -- holding a cup of coffee. Mother noticed the cup was trembling in my hand. I brushed her comment aside. I was barely keeping it together. My mind races as I reflect on that moment -- and others where I knew it wasn't safe, unsure if I belonged and questioned if I was loved -- just trying to be. I noticed in the podcast that Matt, Reno and even Michael experienced some significant level of safety when they ultimately told family members. It was still risky for them -- but a risk with safety is very different than taking one without safety. Without going into the story, decades later, I did come out to family including my 5 siblings by letter. I had a few comments, but nothing more. I'm very aware of the distance between me and my siblings. A couple years before my dad passed, he and I were driving through Montana when he asked a question about my sexuality. It's the only conversation he and I ever had about it. At the conclusion he affirmed his love for me. Which is a precious memory.

@GayMenGoingDeeper

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing such a powerful and personal journey with us. Your courage is inspiring, and your reflections on safety, belonging, and love within the family resonate. It's touching to hear about the precious moment with your dad. Remember, your story matters and your courage to navigate challenges is commendable. Sending you strength and gratitude for being a part of our community. 💖

My coming-out story is quite the odyssey. Officially, I came out to my parents in an email on National Coming Out Day at age 43, in 1999. I told them I was the same person after they would read it as I was before they began to read it. They both generally took it well. However, my Dad, who was a retired clinical psychologist, then proceeded to ask me questions about whether I was ever attracted to women. Although I can’t remember exactly, I may have come out to my brother earlier that same year, when he was temporarily living with me at my home, via a quasi-confrontation. I remember having a feeling of conviction when I told him. Just before telling my parents, I had attended a Gay Spirit Vision conference in the NC mountains, and was on a natural high, which helped put me in a ready state of mind. Years before my official coming-out above, I may have implied to my Dad that I was gay in 1975, when I was a sophomore at university, telling Dad I was going to a Carolina Gay Association monthly dance, just to see what it was like, at age 19. The next year, I went to a CGA dance in Feb/March 1976, and then attended a private party afterwards, where I proceeded to drink vodka and got very sick, so I spent the night there, and returned home the following morning. In so doing, I had missed a study-date with a co-ed that morning, and I believe she may have phoned my parents to ask where I was. Later that same year, I met the first guy I ever fell in love with, and I stayed overnight at his place on the weekends, and would return back to my parents’ home at about dawn or just before, but not have a key to get back in, which would annoy my parents. In all the years since, I have never directly come out to any other family members, keeping the family status quo. When I was age 26, I moved away from home and bought my own place, which made my life much easier in some ways. Since then, I have had no qualms about telling them about any male friends and roommates, including my best platonic friend, about whom I spoke often. I just figure that everything is understood, and feel most comfortable that way.

This is a tricky one. It was quite easy to tell about my bigger interest in men (bi) and there seemed to be no major shock. However, you never know. They still have own understandings and generalized opinions based on what they learn from the medias. I want to focus on my life and happiness. It's been a while since I put own needs first. I'm sure most of the family would accept a loving man. Focus on love, guys. Only the sense of being loved and standing strong together will help overcoming obstacles.

@GayMenGoingDeeper

7 ай бұрын

Absolutely, focusing on love and happiness is key. Here's to embracing our true selves and standing strong together! 🌈

@winnied87

7 ай бұрын

@@GayMenGoingDeeper Thanks. This was very cute. I am optimistic and hope to experience the beauty of love, and be a positive example inspiring others to open up. 🌈

Hello, what is a very interesting episode. It was so brave and incredible to hear each one of your stories. I grew up in the 60s and in the 70s and coming out was no small deal actually and I had a best friend in grammar school that was gay and so that he would not get teased about it he told everybody that I was gay and I was verbally and physically constantly attacked. I never told my parents at the time I waited till I was about 34 years old. But my second coming out with more difficult. When I came out to my gay friends that I was into leather and BDSM, they totally rejected me. I thought that the community would always stand with each other. I was terribly wrong and to be in the gay leather community is quite a challenge. But that second coming out, I felt how authentic I really am. I felt so incredibly freeing that I had never ever felt before, and I found a deep, unspoken respect for myself.

Omg Reno, what you said about not having to come out really hit me, so true! Also what you guys said about our families having their own process too. Most of us process the whole thing for years before coming out, but we can’t expect our families to catch up immediately. I first came out with my brother (a self proclaimed homophobe) when I was 18 when I started dating a boy from school. My brother immediately told me that he loved me but that he needed time, but ever since I’d say it has strengthened our relationship because we can be honest. I told my parents when I was 25, after dinner the words just came out of my mouth, no preamble, and my brother looked at me like “are you doing this right now?!”. I had to do it because I was a bit in a rush because I was planning a long trip with my ex, so they had to know. My mom reacted well, as expected, but my dad surprised me in a great way, I thought it would be harder for him. I told them mostly because I want them to be a part of my life, I don’t want to hide, and it has been amazing all these years. I wish the same and more for all the queer people. Thanks as always.

@GayMenGoingDeeper

6 ай бұрын

Your journey is truly inspiring! It's incredible how honesty can strengthen relationships. Thanks for sharing your story and spreading positivity. Here's to more love, acceptance, and thanks for being a part of our community! 🌈❤

👏🏽👏🏽FUCKING FANTASTIC GUYS 👏🏽👏🏽 This episode touched my soul 💖

@GayMenGoingDeeper

6 ай бұрын

So glad to hear that! 💖Stay connected for more soul-touching moments! 🌟😊

I'm 44 in just over a week, and from the age of 14 to 18 and at different intervals in my adult life, I questioned my sexuality. Cutting a very long storey short, never been overtly sexual, rarely fancy anyone, and when I have, they have mostly been men, occasionally woman(70/30% split). Slept with one guy in my early twenties that I had a HUGE crush on for over a year. After that encounter for two years after I made multiple suicide attempts because mentally/emotionally I felt ashamed/'dirty') I would play back the situation in my head, it was pure torture, the only bit I felt comfortable with was the kiss, that was FANTASTIC!😚🤪 the rest was an outer body experience, something I haven't repeated to this day, and I'm happy about that conscious decision.) I've never been with a woman in any capacity, but on many occasions, I have been drawn quite a few over the years, starting from the 90s. Found out about Asexuality a decade ago and it was a bit of a light bulb moment for me. Joined online forum's and was reading many things/situations I had never verbalised but thought and brush it under the carpet. If I had to label myself, I would say; Asexual Biromantic. My mother died over 6 years ago and I never brought this subject up with her(though she did ask me if I was gay in my early teens out of the blue and I fired back quickly with a 'know'!I was deffinetly questioning, didn't have a clear answer, and still don't till this day if I'm being 100% honest. In the past, she had said a few things that were a bit homophobic so it did worry me, and if I were accepted- our relationship had always been complicated. It was a few years after her passing that started to spiral and question all of this stuff once again, this time I went for LGBT councilling to discuss it, now this ended up over ZOOM because of the 2020 pandemic! All of you're coming out stories were pretty good, I'm happy for you 🥰. BTW Reno is a loose cannon, never quite sure where his storeys will go other than being hilarious and outrageous he's so funny!🫣🤣. Matt, you remind me of myself, very sensitive/ intuitive. It's a blessing and a curse!.

@GayMenGoingDeeper

2 ай бұрын

Thank you for bravely sharing your journey. Your honesty and self-reflection are truly admirable, and it's empowering to see you embracing your identity with such courage and authenticity. Your story will undoubtedly resonate with many others navigating similar experiences. 🌈

I recall being 17, coming out to a friend of mine named Stuart. Stuart was so convinced that I was straight that he freaked out a little bit. But it made it memorable. He didn't even freak out in a bad way. It was like he was both shocked and ecstatic at the same time that I was gay. I never learned how to skateboard, but all my friends from that time in my life were into that and Stuart was like one of these skateboarder types, I can recall us hanging out at an abandoned building with his skateboard and it was a hot, sunny day. Looking back on it, there were many people growing up who were extremely happy that I was gay and coming out, including my grandmother who I admired a lot and considered a close friend until her final days. The tough part is being tired of coming out but needing to eventually at a new job (so female co-workers stop hitting on you and answering your work emails with the phrase "hey you..." haha)

@GayMenGoingDeeper

6 ай бұрын

That's a memorable coming out story! It's amazing to have had supportive friends and family along the way. Wishing you all the best as you navigate new chapters and handle those work situations! 😄🌈

Love what Reno said at 57:00 I do think parents have a responsibility to make sure that their potentially queer children are comfortable being themselves and not having to hide their sexuality. Unfortunately a lot of parents fail in this. I don’t think blaming them is helpful and I don’t think it makes them bad people if that’s the case, and I get that it is ultimately the choice of the queer person, but I don’t think parents of kids who hide their sexualities are completely absolved of fault. But then as I’m writing this I’m like so what do I want?For them to accept some blame/acknowledge their part or their failure? Idk. It’s interesting. Great episode, anyway.

Yeah !😊

@BJ-oi7cm

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for your honesty and insight in coming out to your family. Always looking for resources to help me navigate my journey. It would be interesting to have one of your parents interviewed on the podcast to hear their acceptance and unconditioned love.

My old man was devastated knowing I was gay I told my mom she knew. My dad was roman Catholic my mom was atheist. My dad mom was ok with it.

I am very jealous very envious for guys that came out when they were 19, because I'm 36 and I've had the conversation with my mom and I have yet to have the conversation with Dad. Come to find out i did have a sort of conversation with Mom when i was 15 she told me then not to tell Dad, and then i repressed that memory completely had no knowledge i said anything to Mom and just have lived completely closeted towards my family all these years. I have told a few friends over the years, one a lesbian was the one to crack my shell and tell me it was ok to be gay, this year i gained my first gay guy friends.

@dubon9999

5 ай бұрын

So sorry to read this my dear Gay mate 💔💔💔💔💔 The good part is that now you can be free and show the world who you really are. We, the Gay community, will always be here to support you 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 I send you so much love my dear Gay mate ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜