I've found some men just become better versed at using "therapy language" to further gaslight and cause harm to your own psyche. They think them remaining "calm" means that they are in the right.

@MichelleNgome

2 жыл бұрын

Interesting

@degrerickjenkins1617

2 жыл бұрын

No Remaining calm means they are trying their best to have a logical conversation

@wowwee0

2 жыл бұрын

@@degrerickjenkins1617 There's a long history of men harming and/or gaslighting women by claiming they are being "calm" and "logical", in contrast to women's (very appropriate) emotion reactions/states.

@marie-francoiset9402

2 жыл бұрын

@@degrerickjenkins1617 emotional intelligence counts too. remaining calm is a given. what are you gonna do otherwise? get violent?

@ProfessOz

2 жыл бұрын

Now even therapy is toxic lol

Being aware of making decisions out of loneliness... that is a gem.

@enoch927able

2 жыл бұрын

For MEN it normal is .This is our life in the NEW SOCIETY

@noahpatterson5667

Жыл бұрын

And for someone to mooch off of

❤‍🩹I'm a Black American woman of the African diaspora. I find the pursuit for a "Soft life" among Black woman so ironic. I think it's a case of thinking the "grass is greener on the other side". I grew up mixed culture [half my family is Black American & the other Immigrant]. My mom was a housewife as customary to her culture...I was groomed as well to be a housewife. I turned out Lesbian but... due to the way I was groomed ...effortlessly I attract "provider" type men...the type Black Women continue to clamor over. What they don't realize is the TREMENDOUS COST that comes with being that type of "breed" of woman. The trending glorification of "subordination & fragility" is sadly underestimated. When one truly ingrains those characteristics, it renders a woman very very vulnerable, prone to violence & with unending obstacles towards gaining self autonomy.

So cool to live in a world where we can learn about the therapists' perspectives. Amazing interview

Romance : Sweet Love "Many men, especially often turn away from true love and choose relationships in which they can be emotionally withholding when they feel like it but still receive love from someone else. Ultimately they choose power over love."

@nicdav78

2 жыл бұрын

Sweet Jesus...this is truly a word!

@renegadet8189

2 жыл бұрын

You can only love someone to the extent that you can love yourself.

@HabitualLover

2 жыл бұрын

@@nicdav78 a word! Phew!

@MsMizz1

Жыл бұрын

That’s it right there!!! That’s it! Those individuals ultimately are choosing fear not love. The greatest power is love.

J Cole said it best "don't save em, he don't wanna be saved" the amount of empathy that bw have for a group of males who collectively have zero emotional intelligence and don't care about their women/children is mind blowing. Bw please get some self love and choose yourself. Break the trauma bond with bm.......they don't care about you.

@tbcreloaded7529

2 жыл бұрын

Please mention the ways where all this "love" and "empathy" that BW have for BM is shown, stop putting yourselves on some pedestal for literally nothing, giving yourselves all this praise for nothing you have never done lol.

@adi-qf2wb

2 жыл бұрын

@@tbcreloaded7529 why are you saying this on a video of two black women trying to fix YOUR mental health? Like are you dumb or dense?

@ievolcisum

2 жыл бұрын

@@tbcreloaded7529 how did you just watch this whole video and criticize a black woman over simply saying choose yourself before others??

@ievolcisum

2 жыл бұрын

"I don't feel coddled, therefore you didn't coddle me" // "I don't know you and haven't had a bw self-sacrifice for me; therefore, YOU must be full of bs and are not empathetic." Dude, you're speaking from a place of emotion, not logic. Happens to the best of us.

@KingWiltshireXIII

2 жыл бұрын

Y’all black women are over emotional that why white ppl uses you as political pawns.

It has to be the right man. They can use what they learn in therapy against you. I was a victim of this with my ex husband. During marriage counseling I was explaining to the therapist that I felt my husband was stepping outside of our marriage. He was able to convince her in less than 10 seconds that he wasn't. He just repeatedly said "But I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!" The therapist turned to me and said "You know if you accuse someone of doing something they're not, they will do the thing you're accusing them of". Right then my heart sank because I knew he had his excuse. Fast forward 3 months later I caught him red handed. Guess what he said " Well, remember what the therapist said? You accused me so now all this happened." Even though it turned out he was seeing his married Ex before we even got married, he still managed to blame it on me. I left that day and never looked back. Just know who you're dealing with.

@garrulus3399

Жыл бұрын

What kind of therapist says a thing like that! Wow! I am so sorry you had to experience all of that. I'm glad you are free now!

@zero1188

Жыл бұрын

Just satbut you cant accuse a person with mo evidence. Why would the therapist believe you

@garrulus3399

Жыл бұрын

@@zero1188 a therapist's job is not to judge but to open a safe space and that therapist clearly and evidently crossed all the lines.

@zero1188

Жыл бұрын

@@garrulus3399 the thepriat didn’t judge. And asking for evidence gets to the bottom of where the accusations come from. Therpist did the right thing. Unless the op didnt tell the full story of happened

@ayejay2the

Жыл бұрын

The therapist was correct.

As a therapist, I also noticed a drastic difference in my energy after taking on fewer couples. It's a much needed work though and I appreciate Dr. Nikki's POV.

After the latest debacle on Twitter with that man creating several dating profiles for the girl sharing her vulnerability about her hair just for him to prove a 'point' no one asked for some of these men can't be saved even if they do go to therapy.

@lizziedanse8335

2 жыл бұрын

His ass! A dude like that wouldn't even consider therapy.

@jeanjmcceee5764

2 жыл бұрын

I wouldn't wish that task on a therapist, it's only so much a therapist can do they are not GODS , trying to figure out black men mindset and logic will make someone have a brain aneurysm ‼️

@FREE_WILL_DEFENDER

2 жыл бұрын

Lmao right on cue

@LGnLA

2 жыл бұрын

Missed it, what happened on Twitter?

@kitejohnson515

2 жыл бұрын

She should sue him

Therapy is not the magic wand that some make it to be. Interventions fail and often take multiple sessions. Not all therapists are a good fit or effective. And, it requires lots of work on the client. It's good for insights (if you are ready for them) and getting through difficult times/ crises and for prolonged , severe mental illness , but it does not change someone's entire personality. Even when people are successful, they still have to maintain growth. Therapy is usually for specific issues. It could help you heal in some areas , but you will still be unhealed in others and will have to work to heal even deeper and in all facets of life. Men need education in the systems of oppression and other lessons that will help them be self- aware and- reflective to undo the programming they have learned from their privileged position. They need MORE than therapy to value the dignity in others, see how the world actually works and to engage it critically. It doesn't take therapy to be a good human. It takes commitment to being one's best self and loving others and wanting to impact the world positivity enough to show up nontoxic. Therapy is no replacement/ shortcut for people who refuse to do this inner work themselves... It's supplemental at best.

@yemio1005

2 жыл бұрын

I whole heartedly agree A value system that has empathy at the forefront. To me that is what will end world wars

I don’t think so because they can never admit to being wrong or having flaws. Every issue they have in their life is blamed on black women or others. I’m watching because I love to hear educated BW speak but I can’t say I’m focused on the well-being of BM because they dgaf about mine. Other women are not as invested in their counterparts and I choose to be the same

@caetechclub

2 жыл бұрын

Self-awareness is a definite requisite. I’ve noticed this to be an area of abundant lack in the black Manosphere.

@shai2137

2 жыл бұрын

Actually in order to want to seek therapy you’d have to take a little bit accountability. they’ll most likely never get to that point.

@dlitefulone

2 жыл бұрын

I typed in KZread search "male accountability ". Maybe 3 vids..everything about women needing to be accountable. Wtf. They take 0 responsibility

@MastaSimpson

2 жыл бұрын

When ignorance just flows....

@boo3152

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed

I was dreading some household chores I'd been putting off for weeks but this conversation was so insightful and engaging that I did it all and didn't even notice! Thank you so much for uploading these discussions, Kim!

Don’t they have to want to be changed?

This was super helpful. Black Women are phenomenal. To be self aware and gracious toward each other and ourselves is a gift

@enoch927able

2 жыл бұрын

BLK are are as well. How about crediting those brothers do seek therapy and play an active role in the partner life can these BLK are phenomenal right sis?

@yourmotherhatesyou641

2 жыл бұрын

@@enoch927able No 🥰This isn't about you. She said BW are phenomenal. You don't see me demanding inclusion and I'm a half-black woman lol.

@cellar4763

Жыл бұрын

@@yourmotherhatesyou641 does everything really need to be about Womens health all the time, men are human beings just like women are. I’m not black but I am autistic though and I think it’s very narcissistic to only involve women and never men.

A lot of men who go to therapy and anger management choose to not actually receive what they’re hearing. The Drink Champs interview with Chris Brown gave an excellent example of that. He touched on when he went to anger management classes at some point and he said he did what he had to do but his mannerisms told on him. He really didn’t see the importance or value of it. I believe he didn’t realize what he really exposed about himself but I also feel like most ppl didn’t pick up on that part. I believe many men are like this due to obvious reasons. You can go to therapy and whatever else all you want, but the bottom line is, the inner work is always on you. We women understand and accept this. Men know this, they’re just too lazy and programmed to not give a fuck. Either way, it’s still their responsibility.

@malmal3003

2 жыл бұрын

I conduct a mandatory therapy group for men and one of the biggest hurdles that I work through is the compliance factor. Many men show up & say all the right things just to comply with the court order and never really engage in real introspection. I see and try to push them to see themselves more but I can’t do the work for them. Men are conditioned to comply in EVERY interpersonal relationship in order to gain a sense of “peace“ to their own detriment and to the detriment of those relationships. They equate disconnection and withdrawal with peace when in actuality they’ve imprisoned themselves that is not true to to comply. It’s essentially emotional solitary confinement, and we all known how psychologically damaging that is…

@fspight28

2 жыл бұрын

@@malmal3003 wow of all the comments I've seen this by far has hit me. I didn't even have the words to express that.

@tabbypanda82

Жыл бұрын

@@malmal3003 THIS, THIS, ALL OF THIS❕❕❕❕❕❕ ……mike drop🚶🏾‍♀️

So the men are emotionally broken? But not the women?! This is fkn nuts!!!!

I'm sure it could. But, you also have to be open to being honest with yourself and putting in the work.

@mouna8720

2 жыл бұрын

It’s truly as simple as that; although not at all easy.

I swear, we can all benefit from a really good Black Therapist. So insightful and thoughtful. Thank you for this interview.

No, it cannot save them. They’re beyond help…

@jeanjmcceee5764

2 жыл бұрын

AMEN , BLACK WOMEN NEED TO DO WHAT BLACK MEN DO AND BREAK THEIR NECKS TO DATE OUTSIDE THEIR RACE

@princessleah187xx4

2 жыл бұрын

What she said ☝☝☝☝

@CornellG

2 жыл бұрын

I agree

@mltgirl08moore89

2 жыл бұрын

U ain't never lied FACTS

Let's talk about how alot of Black women don't have the privilege of living a "soft life" or living in their "feminine" some of us are poor and have to work jobs that are stressful to make ends meet some of us ate Darkskin and don't get handed the same opportunities to be feminine....what about them...that's my problem with the Movement.

I think so. I haven’t finished watching yet, but I’ve noticed that a lot go to therapy to weaponize language that’s learned there. It’d be different if it was actually consumed and practiced, but I notice that that’s not the case

@deltaradiance9034

2 жыл бұрын

You can't take a narcissist to Therapy Therapy, they will just Act there then come back do whatever they were going to do anyway

@ms.x1669

2 жыл бұрын

@@deltaradiance9034 agreed

@justcallmebon2684

2 жыл бұрын

@@deltaradiance9034 yup it’s literally contraindicated for narcissists

@bellaapple2166

2 жыл бұрын

There's a saying that a psychologist once told me. Therapy is finishing school to a Narc. Basically means they learn how to manipulate better, they learn how to hide their mask longer, they become more dangerous.

@marie-francoiset9402

2 жыл бұрын

@@deltaradiance9034 best to leave those types of men once they show who they are

Every other race, it's men guiding men, but ours it's women. Aren't you tired? Black women constantly being the ones having this conversation is a colossal waste of their time. The time you could be putting into yourselves; into black women. If black men want to fix an issue, they will fix it.

@toxicassassin1303

2 жыл бұрын

Facts, plenty of youtubers be guiding men stepiscold,andrew tate, kevin samuels etc, females need to stop trying to make men because what a woman likes vs what a woman wants is 2 different things

@j_g1

2 жыл бұрын

@@toxicassassin1303 Guiding them to loneliness, uselessness and an early grave but like I said, it's not women's problem so I support it.

@mltgirl08moore89

2 жыл бұрын

U ain't never lied about that FACTS

Leave these men alone and it won’t matter. They need to fend for themselves

@toxicassassin1303

2 жыл бұрын

Men already been fending for their self

@mltgirl08moore89

2 жыл бұрын

FACTS

You have to admit that you have a problem first. And if you let most black men tell it, it's everybody else's fault (including slavery and racism) as to why their lives suck. I know that systematic racism is real and working and some ideas from slavery have carried on to today. But those can't be the only reasons, as to why your life isn't going the way you want. At some point and time, black men have to have an honest conversation amongst themselves about themselves and how they need to change and do better. You can't demand to be the leader and not lead.

@nangaeboko6710

2 жыл бұрын

You think most BM have lives that suck?

@roxywyndham

2 жыл бұрын

@@nangaeboko6710 thats what you got out of it smh

@FightsRightsAlways

2 жыл бұрын

@@nangaeboko6710 I should be clear. Not suck, but if there is a problem i.e why they can't make money or keep a job, have problems with women, aren't secure in their sexuality, etc. When you ask why do they have these problems, they often want to blame anything and everybody's else, instead of the man looking back at them in the mirror.

@nangaeboko6710

2 жыл бұрын

@@roxywyndham What did I miss?

@nangaeboko6710

2 жыл бұрын

@@FightsRightsAlways I understand your point. I would be lying if I said there aren't men who give plenty of excuses as to why they are in the situations that they are. The only person you can control and fix is yourself.

Yes, it can. Toxic masculinity is a disease. Regardless of gender, not knowing empathy or being able to empathize is a massive shortcoming as a human being. The world does not need more sociopaths.

@MsMizz1

2 жыл бұрын

I see it daily as a teacher. The field of teaching is saturated by women, most who have obviously been deeply influenced my toxic masculinity and are void of empathy. Consciously doing harm to the future generation, babies and covering for one another. Just like the police.

@toxicassassin1303

2 жыл бұрын

Toxic masculinity doesnt exist

@JubeiKibagamiFez

2 жыл бұрын

@@toxicassassin1303 I'm aware that being masculine is not always toxic, but masculinity to an extreme is for the most part, toxic... What would be the phrase to describe males who are self absorbed, devoid of empathy, and often times narcissistic?

This was really validating and really hard for me. I know my green flags and the top 2 are emotional availability and self awareness. I have dated ALL types of men and it has been so. hard. to. find. A lot of my female friends and I have conversations about this and it’s genuinely not about bashing men. We’re trying to find partners and feeling lost. We’re doing our own work and literally not able to find male counterparts who choose to do theirs. I’m certainly not perfect but I am trying to work through my stuff and be aware of my stuff and that’s all I ask of my partner. Thanks so much for this discussion.

@enoch927able

2 жыл бұрын

SRM808. Their lys the issue your stuff what his stuff. To females are self centered this the reason u and your speak on the same topic. Females have no backbone to care of others yet men have enter a relationship with bags and deal with your trauma, your weight, your bitter attuned and others. Women need to open their heart to be passionate and loving as the partners does

@FightsRightsAlways

2 жыл бұрын

@@enoch927able lol all you did was prove her point.

@sr7701

2 жыл бұрын

@@enoch927able You are one of the exhausting mn wm needs to give up on. Nobody was put on this earth to passionately love you n you alone. Wm are human too...

@brooklynqueen7089

2 жыл бұрын

@@FightsRightsAlways Bravo for understanding that message. I need a translation.

@danihomes7697

2 жыл бұрын

@@FightsRightsAlways exactly they don't have critical thinking skills and are too emotional. They're big mad that bw are waking up to their bs.

I’m a therapist seeing adult individuals only. I started first two minutes. This is going to be fire. Let me get my popcorn and get comfortable. 😆

31:00 you don't self improve because it will land you a partner you self improve so you can avoid being manipulated into relationships with users, loosers, and abusers.

Stop settling and open your options. BW would rather be alone instead of dating outside their race. This is so sad and so misguided. There are enough men in the world for each and every women. Telling BW they should accept loneliness is why so many BW suffer from depression. That is not natural or healthy. Growing old alone, seeing other groups of women surrounded by family and their husband, how is that healthy? If you are alone you will have to be a strong black women because you have no one to protect you. A lot of double talk…. Tell the truth, a large portion of the men in the community are not fit to be husbands.

@ronnienorford256

2 жыл бұрын

Not everyone is for dating out of their race. Majority of other race of men prefer being with their own race. You sound very desperate and selfhating. You want other races of men when majority of them are looking at their own race.

@chickiepoo1589

2 жыл бұрын

@@ronnienorford256 false. That is just the voice of fear. Most BW have low self esteem and pander for a pat on the head by their own men who if given the chance would dodge them for a preference without a second thought. Race loyalty is one sided within the BLK community…. Leaving a lot of sistas single or single mothers. Low esteem is thinking that only a abusive (financially or physically) group of men that do not measure up again other men are the best you can do. Self hating?… when you live in the world’s melting pot. Are you even trying to make sense?

@ddacoe0

2 жыл бұрын

I agree, it's important to not limit your options too much. It's possible you will still not find a quality partner of another race. But, it at least increases your chances!

@yourempowered8248

2 жыл бұрын

@@ronnienorford256 No. It's not that a majority of bw prefer to date their own race... we are groomed to accept the least from a man. Accepting the least from our own men who have raised to be meek... no education, no money, no business, and no drive. Instead the women are taught to be strong, holding down everything (shelter, food, raising children, etc.) while the men in the same community have excuses and no answers on how to improve things. I just recently attended a graduation at a HBCU and the graduation class was well over 2/3 bw... so you are telling me that over 200 successful bw in that class should be alone or date/marry a bm less successful than themselves... instead of just dating out. Even Goldman Sachs knew who was better to invest in.

@yourempowered8248

2 жыл бұрын

@@ddacoe0 Exactly. A woman should never condemn herself to loneliness.

Everything she was saying I’ve experienced. Hits way too close to home…but this was definitely validating cause I thought I was going crazy…

The “value versus worth” part was what I needed. Starts at 27:39

The answer is hell no! There’s no incentive for them to change. I just saved you an hour of your time.

@simonsez1787

2 жыл бұрын

Lol

@nangaeboko6710

2 жыл бұрын

There will never be incentive for men to change if you give them sexual access for nothing. You ladies have a good amount of control over that situation.

@Alexandtheworld919

2 жыл бұрын

@@nangaeboko6710 I completely agree! Our desperation and lack of self discipline is why we can’t have peace lol

@dbest555

2 жыл бұрын

👍🏾

@Marleydavis8

2 жыл бұрын

ironic

Ok, ok, hopefully, last comment, lol. As a single, Black, almost 50-year-old woman, this convo/interview has hit so many markers, moments, and phases of my life. I affirm myself often, but it doesn't hurt to hear from someone else. The way I am so inspired.

This was so FUN (and funny). You don't miss, Kimberly. Great job. And thanks for allowing the good doctor to drop her contact info!

Black women do your work and move on in every way physical, mental sexual financial and spiritual. Divestment will save your life.

@TallMe96

2 жыл бұрын

Ok “lakesha” 😂

@PeanutButtaCookie1193

2 жыл бұрын

Bw better divest or stay single. Or just continue to be in polygamous relationships with bm. Bm are killing bw and children everyday. And it's getting worse.

Working with couples is not my ministry. Sometimes ppl just need to break up.

Everyone need to hear Dr. Nikki🙌 She be calling you out and telling the truth at the same time

The best thing I've seen this year. Thanks Kim and Dr Nikki. Like... I'll probably re-watch this a million times in the coming months.

Can’t help those who won’t help themselves

I loved this conversation! THANK YOU! ❤️

I’m only 20 minutes in and this video is exactly what I’ve been needing! Great discussion ladies!

This desperate need for bw to continuously beg for BM attention, and beg for them to value us appears pathetic. Bw continue to bear the brunt of “saving” the black family and its a never ending cycle. If the work isn’t being put in from both sides, let it go.

@Leobynight

2 жыл бұрын

if it don't apply to you keep it pushin lol u should focus on yours

This conversation was a Delight and very affirmative! Dr. Nikki is such an amazing educator and compassionate in what she does. Also, her willingness to set boundaries in her profession as a therapist humanized her. I'm in awe.

Come thru! Amazing and well needed conversations in this interview w/ Dr. Nikki

55:22 For many people too there's resistance/worry/fear, and understandably so, because serving men in all ways and seeing men perpetuate violence against women in bed or otherwise is incredibly pervasive. The problem isn't always women: it's the men who harm us.

As a therapist, this was a great discussion to watch. Especially about topics like the level of effort, orgasm gap, and soft life.

Brilliant video! I want more! Thank you Kimberly and Dr. Nikki!🤗

Excellent interview, I learned a lot of keys, and hopefully other women & men where open to listening. In my opinion our community we have a different set of issues our other race counterpart’s don’t have “self hate”, and to be brutally honest men who shout it from the mountain top’s of social media “they don’t want , or like us”. I know it’s self hate , I’m aware the minority is the loudest , but the majority hasn’t stepped up in any meaningful way , and it’s blatantly obvious to everyone except many Black women . We need open discussion on that, or a lot of women are going to get the help, learn to love themselves, learn the tools how move forward , but they won’t have a willing , open minded partner to grow with in Black men, and maybe the collective won’t /can’t, and don’t want to be all they can be… The well being of Black men is up to them, I stopped concerning myself with that.

@FREE_WILL_DEFENDER

2 жыл бұрын

Right on cue

@bkcarrl

2 жыл бұрын

And when a white man kicks your teeth in I won’t concern myself either

@yourmotherhatesyou641

2 жыл бұрын

@@bkcarrl And when the next knee cap hovers over your luscious throat, I won't care either. So glad we are on the same page. The way you guys think this is threat when you can't name a single time in history you ever protected/cared for BW, or even yourselves, is pure comedy.

@marie-francoiset9402

2 жыл бұрын

@@bkcarrl wow. and here you are proving her point. so hateful wishing violence on someone. you clearly hate bw. why even care if a bw doesn't want to deal with bm anymore.

THIS WAS FANTASTIC! MORE OF THIS PLEASE!

This was a great and much needed conversation

Love it! Thank you for Connecting this therapist to us. Each questions you asked, were the ones I was thinking about. 👌🏿

Once again we are doing to much while they are simultaneously doing to little. Seems to be the narrative that encourages them to never change. Blind devotion for a demographic that never shows up properly.

Loved this! Thank you ladies 💜

Thank you for this!!! So much wisdom!

It MUST start in the home and in the early development or it will continue PERIODT! Most things need to change

@Gigilovehugs

Жыл бұрын

So true

Thank you! This was so informative!

I appreciate what you are doing with your channel

This may be a bit off topic: Watching the blk men on Marriage at First Sight was another eye opener for me. I mean the lack of E.I, accountability, interpersonal skills and mental maturity was appalling. If three professionals with PHDs and years of experience can’t vet blk men who can? If seeing yourself act a fool on National television in front of millions doesn’t encourage change what will. Not to mention the gaslighting of questions towards the blk women especially the dark skin blk women was disgusting…..

@jdg7515

2 жыл бұрын

Married at First Sight??? Reality TV made for views??? There are 25 housewife shows, lhh, bb wives, etc. I would never venture to say that any of these shows is a reflection of all black women and the state their in. What in the world?? I guess only black women arent a monolith 🙄

@So-what692

2 жыл бұрын

@@jdg7515 Have you watched the show because maybe you would get a better idea of what I’m speaking about. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that in our own lives blk women have been saying blk men have a real issues and then to see that mirrored on that show was actually sad and disheartening. Blk women have their issues but a big difference on that show and in life we actually acknowledge, try to change and get the help we need to try to do better. Blk men have done no such thing, not trying to do it, don’t even think they have any issues. They continue to blame blk women, white men and the system for EVERYTHING…..

@HabitualLover

2 жыл бұрын

Three Hollywood professionals with PHDs vetting men for a reality show aren’t weeding out bad apples? Noooo? Lol. How will Hollywood destroy the minority community structure without direct accountability if they make prime time shows based on actual decency?

@jdg7515

2 жыл бұрын

@@So-what692 Yes I've seen the show. You're out here acting like a dude like Chris or even Zach is representative of all black men when one of those professionals you're referring to is also a black man. Its a show that they definitely cast people that they can get some drama out of so they can get ratings. Thats why they rately cast Deona and Gregs anymore. This argument is foolishness.

@MiniM69

Жыл бұрын

PhDs willing to engage in the unhelpful mess that is most reality tv tells you that they’re not vetting for emotional intelligence. They’re looking and encouraging mess for ratings!

A prayer 🙏🏾✨ a sermon. Thank you for this video 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

What a interesting, informative video. Thank you.

This was excellent and affirmed exactly what I thought!

Amazing conversation!

This whole conversation makes me even more grateful for my partner. I'm lucky af. But this conversation was really helpful for expressing to other people in my life their value vs. worth, and how to acknowledge their loneliness when they feel like they're gonna be single forever. Thank you!

Thanks so much for this. 💙

Lol I got an ad that was all like "find out what yo man is up to" 🤣

Appreciate yall

21:50 I respect the idea of existing in a space of gray, and enjoying the moment, but given BW's DV and femicide rates, I'm not sure that it's safe for us to rest in that space. Before a woman realizes she's with a dangerous man, it may be too late, so having a sort of absolutist green/red flag system may be necessary to save lives.

@annette4718

Жыл бұрын

I don’t think that’s what was being said. I think she meant that green/red flags should be paramount but that the expectation that this person who may have all these green flags is meant to be your person for lift or the end all be all takes people out of the moment and keeps them from fully enjoying the experience of that particular relationship. I could be wrong though

Great conversation!

I love this conversation, it was so beautiful, it was needed and we need to continue it in the public and private forums. Listen, I really dislike the fact that BW are excepted to mule for everybody with no expectation of nothing in return. I see sistas psychologically breaking and still expected to continue to help others move forward and I’m not for that. I think apart of the way BW can create soft spaces for each other is to allow the unspoken Black community expectations to fall. I love being Black and I love Black people but I despise the way BW are handled in the community. I am happy to see more BW are unlearning muling and allowing themselves to create lives filled with happiness and ease. Relationship or not. And lastly, I really want BW to see that heterosexual, conservative, monogamous relationships do not serve us all and many of us are disinterested in that….and that’s ok.

@marie-francoiset9402

2 жыл бұрын

I truly hate to say it but bw set themselves up for the expectation to be mules. any and every cause of the new underdog of the day can count on bw to inexplicable cape for them. gay movement trans movement, the church, saving black men & marching for everybody. i guess bw expected to be rewarded for this and the muling to be reciprocated? and now that it's clear that its *not* going to be, maybe bw will realize it is long past time to prioritize themselves over all and sundry.

@aj2thamaxx742

2 жыл бұрын

@@marie-francoiset9402 I also in part blame the culture and the way BW are raised with the expectation that they will be in constant servitude and that is “submission” required for them to be partnered with a BM. BW are literally asked to reject part of their autonomy for the sake of “saving face”…..and treating BM like “kangs”…..it’s wild to me. I do think that BW also participate in misogyny (consciously and unconsciously) and call it “the will of God” 🤦🏾‍♀️. There are a lot of problem here, imma not going to hold you. But, it starts with us to dismantle this horrible rhetoric and practice.

@happygucci5094

2 жыл бұрын

THIS

Uuuugh soooooooo good. This 29 minute marker thru 31-32 minute marker is top tier. Self Worth is the work!

Kimberley and Dr. Nikki the kyou for this free therapy session 😊😊.

This was so good!

I think the word "save" is misguided (and probably clickbait tbh). Therapy is a tool that can help you recognize patterns in your relationships and how to implement healthy habits. It's not a magical cure. The only person who can save you is yourself and that's something a lot of people don't want to acknowledge, Black men included.

This was so good ❣️

I really did get to so much of this. Like long work and I can see a clear outcome now. And it's funny that it's kind of pointing towards the opposite where I don't want to be partnered but that's an ideal that's less realistic and I'm fine with it at this point for the same reasonings.

Dr. Nikki “I’m not taking away the dream”, love the savage responds😵 towards Kim lol, Kim face reactions be telling her feelings

Essentially women have to be more intentional and purpose driven with their psychological, emotional and material resources and assets and not depend on men for peace, safety and love. Pursuing a man is not the destination, it is becoming your best self that is the true objective so efforts to better your health and wellness are not wasted if no man is immediately in view or on your horizon.

43:20 reminds me of Cam Newton's partner describing him harming her during sex and her not able to communicate it.

We need unc sd the signifier to be here, the discussion and conversation would be lit lit

Just heard cis-het men. That’s enough of this goofy shit

loved this

Just the title had me laughing, then I had to watch the full video. ♥️

Last I remember no therapy ever helped black women from getting railed on daily basis! 51 percent of black men walked away from blackwomen to never look back since 2010! And ever since we making money living our lives in peace and harmony! Why would I need to spend my money on your therapy that doesn’t work on you?

This was enlightening.

If we want to make therapeutic change possible, we have to make sure quality, culturally competent therapy is available from insurance. Most insurance co have a dearth of therapists. It’s hard to get inpatient care. Contact your state representatives & bring it up. We also have to expand the pool of candidates in the field. Provide free/low cost schooling, making licensure easy or at least ensuring pay during the licensing process, and provide a better wage for therapists.

51:20 This moment warmed my heart. It's so good to see cis folks developing awareness of their bias and correcting themselves. I LOVED this conversation.

@amiai5708

2 жыл бұрын

This cis thing need to stop!!!😕☹️🧐🙄

@yourmotherhatesyou641

2 жыл бұрын

@@amiai5708 Right? And notice it is only one sided. They feel very bold calling actual women cis, but not the men. I'm a woman, and you are trans. Tis' all.

@marie-francoiset9402

2 жыл бұрын

we are WOMEN. not cis anything. stop it. respect our no to that labeling.

@sleepbaby17

2 жыл бұрын

@@amiai5708 so just to be clear, you all think it's offensive to say that you are a person whose gender identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth? That feels offensive to you in some way? Do you feel the same way about being described as heterosexual, female, etc? Are those not "labels" too? I thought these words just describe all of our identities and our experiences as women? Since that is the gender we all (including trans-women) identify as? I think I'm just confused by the irony in these replies...

@sleepbaby17

2 жыл бұрын

@@yourmotherhatesyou641 they say "cis-hetero black men" all up and through this thing. Why are you saying they didn't?

GREEN FLAGS. that's so smart I'm gonna have to give that some serious thought. Great interview Kim, as usual you asked all the right questions! I'm doing an intentional single season right now that's going to end soon and this is a great jumping off point for me

I feel like, this is more like Kim personal therapy session but in 3rd person lol, Kim face reactions through all the questions feel very personal lol jk, this is a great live, thank you Dr. Nikki🙌🏼 She’s spitting truth throughout the conversation

I'd like to say as a black man that yes therapy can help, I can only speak for myself of course; but I'd also like to add that your therapy has to be given by a therapist that sees them as more than boys, or men that can sometimes "ack right".

Loved this conversation! Even as a cis gay black man I gained some perspective on a lot of things I’d never thought about. 💛

If you earnestly do the work you GET YOU! and that’s the ultimate prize I promise you.

4 minutes in and I relate to this so much. 😭🤦🏾‍♀️

Ouuuuu let’s get into it !!!

She might’ve just procured a new patient today. Loved her disposition and her sense of humor AND I’m in TX too!

That part about learning self compassion for softness is 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

This conversation was amazing! It was very helpful & I feel validated.

Kim ! The intro!

I love the energy and the information. Could I be the 200,000th subscriber?!

"Take my name off the list" Yes! Dr. Coleman

She's brilliant