I just want to remind y'all, since people seem to not know that I'm thorough af, that I made a video four (4) years ago, laying out the evidence for why Black women should date out. Watch here. kzread.info/dash/bejne/dYF-ydSueta-dc4.html Just because I do not exploit the romantic traumas of Black women multiple times a week, doesn't mean that I am new to this discussion. Thanks. ❤💕 Sorry about the audio, y'all! Comment for the algorithm! and come to my DFW Happy Hour on 8/16! augusthappyhour.eventbrite.com/ and join Patreon for the uncensored version patreon.com/ForHarriet

@mizzmolly7649

Жыл бұрын

I have to ask you...do you find it hard to find a blk man who is intellectually stimulating?

@tbcreloaded7529

Жыл бұрын

So black men dating out is a problem, but you made a whole multiple videos about how being with a black man is struggle and how black women should date out....do you think black men are stupid and we don't see what's going on?

@slena

Жыл бұрын

this reminded me how i've been following for harriet for 4+ years.... whew

@hazelbasil6451

Жыл бұрын

@@tbcreloaded7529 Black men dating out is not a problem in itself. The reasons blk men date out vs. blk women is vastly different. BW face a statistical shortage of marriagable BM, BM do not face such quandary. A major influence of SOME BM dating out is due their idolization of whitness, and desire for submission. There are like a hundred videos from the black male manosphere demeaning BW while saying that non-blk are the beauty standard and should be pursued. BW are beginning recognize this and are expanding their options.

@tbcreloaded7529

Жыл бұрын

@@hazelbasil6451 black women literally do the same thing, I mean they call black men dusty, bullet bags, etc. And the reasons behind why so many black women claim to date out, or push interracial dating always center around black men being the sole problem, let's be real. I mean channels like Cynthia G and Divested zealot exist where they literally wish "elimination" on black men. Time to stop with the double standards and one sided excuses. And black men face a shortage of marriagable black women as well...this is why black men are also expanding their options.

Note to women new to dating out: don’t date black adjacent men. You are dating out for a reason. If you’re dating a non black man who idolizes black men, you’re going to get the same / similar issues.

@essencekk

Жыл бұрын

I thought this was common sense. Clearly, it's not 🙃

@pookie11593

Жыл бұрын

This

@themostbeautifulisraw4561

Жыл бұрын

Facts

@louisachalarca6494

Жыл бұрын

aka RUN AWAY FROM MACHISMO it is a sickness they will harm you with! just colombian pov. YESS so true

@tead9684

Жыл бұрын

YESSSSSS. THAT PART👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

When dating out ladies, also consider that it’s a cultural exchange (meaning you’re learning from the other person as well). Idk about being with a WM since that’s not my experience lol but my partner is Chinese & we have a lot of fun exchanging cultural experiences, traditions, barriers & ideas (as well as critiques). I didn’t grow up in a predominantly black area , so dating out was always on the table & ironically the black peoples around were very anti-black (Suburban Black Girl Chronicles). As long as your partner (of any race or gender identity )is open minded, empathetic & patient those cultural exchanges can be fun! Just stay away from cultural “cosplayers” (i.e black identified non-black peoples). Just my two cents !! Great video Kim, love this convo!!

@nafeesahtynetta

Жыл бұрын

I love this comment so much.

@khlikb8796

Жыл бұрын

@@nafeesahtynetta Aaww thanks sis! ✨life is too short for struggle love (from anyone)! Dating anyone people be fun & filled w/ new experiences!

@razmiddle9410

Жыл бұрын

Aw, that's so nice to hear! Wishing you two all the happiness in the world ♥

@PeggyKoneko

Жыл бұрын

Are you me? You wrote the thoughts I had better than I could, and my partner is Chinese too! It really is a cultural exchange, learning everyday, which I love 😊

@icysisdee9547

Жыл бұрын

I'm dating a Jewish man and I have learned so much from him too. Especially the differences between cultural and religious Jews. We both talk about both our cultures and some of the parallels and such.

😂😂😂😂 "I can do math." I just love how your personality shows in up especially in these types of conversations.

@jackieade6599

Жыл бұрын

Spot-on. Beautiful...

@olly7242

Жыл бұрын

That shit was so smooth lol

To each their own. To date, I've mainly dated BM, but if I meet a man of another race who treats me well and we're aligned, I'm not going to hold myself back.

@beautifulsoulgirl8683

Жыл бұрын

Yes, that’s the spirit. We all have a “preference” but stay open because people change with time and you don’t want to miss out on a good man. We live and we grow. I’m 38 and my dating preferences changed many times when I was single. Good for you 😊

@Marleydavis8

Жыл бұрын

True

@heyhellohi_

Жыл бұрын

THIS

@mlmc58

Жыл бұрын

Well stated! I think if more people were more closely aligned with this concept, there would be a LOT more happiness. I think it's sometimes easier to encounter a person who shares "overall chemistry"/organic connectivity than our often strict list of preferences/types. Sometimes those perceived preferences don't align with our true needs. Find love that makes you happy without much effort or undue and unnecessary chaos....starting with self.

@TessieDobey

Жыл бұрын

BOOM!!

Person in IR relationship; I didn’t do this for divesting, I just never cared. My requirements, young professional, college educated, lover of art and cooking, same politics, a diverse taste in music, and a diverse group of friends. I happened to find that in a white man. Maybe I got lucky that I have never had to deal with racism or anything with him? No bigoted parents or siblings. The cultural thing never mattered too much cause I spent half my life in the suburbs. Enmeshed in both white and black culture. Who knows, you just have to do what’s best for you.

@snthonyrice2277

Жыл бұрын

No black children for u huh

I just wanna say how much I appreciate these kinds of videos, even though I'm not black, because I relate to these experiences so much as a middle eastern person. Dating out of my culture is not something I want to do, not because I'm not attracted to people outside of it, but because I can't do with someone simply sympathizing with the stuff regarding the culture I am in. I need someone who understands it inside and out. I don't like having to justify my culturally influenced behavior and habits constantly because "they don't make sense", why I'm always code-switching, or any of it. I just need someone to get it and nod sympathetically without even a hint of stigma behind their communication. That means everything to me, and if I don't have that I'd rather not be monogamous with anyone.

@125loopy

Жыл бұрын

I think it's totally natural to want to be 100% relaxed with your life partner. I have different groups of friends who see different sides of me. The person I choose to marry has to be someone I'm comfortable being myself with.

@lakendracollier5099

Жыл бұрын

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 it's the culture part for me..been there done that....and it's hard.

Dating in the black community has never been a viable option for me. I've never been a black man's first choice. If anything they want sex from me or to call me unattractive or stupid. So I date out and get treated like a human. Like a woman. I know that's uncommon but I'd rather not die alone or settle for someone who doesn't value me for the sake of brown skin. Dating out doesn't mean being limited to white men, I've dated different poc and enjoyed it. It's been fun learning about other people's cultures and being part of their traditions. For some of us it's just easier and uplifting. I actually feel beautiful for once.

@alias4506

Жыл бұрын

Do you gurl 💅🏽

@SamriBliss

Жыл бұрын

Same. I married a Vietnamese American man 👨🏻 . We talk about the good/bad/ugly in our podcast “Chopsticks and Fork, Please”

@haryel5058

Жыл бұрын

I feel you 💕

@brooklynqueen7089

Жыл бұрын

@@SamriBliss ❤️ the title of your podcast. I’ll look for it.

@SamriBliss

Жыл бұрын

@@brooklynqueen7089 thank you!

I’m currently dating a black man and I feel black women should date who loves them. If it happens to be a non black man, that’s fine. Love who loves you.

I'm married to white man. I have never been a divestor. I just think if marriage, long term relationships are important to you then don't limit options without trying them that includes being flexible with age and race. The majority of my husband's friends are black, he isn't uncomfortable being not centered, I never edit myself about race, and neither one of us are close to our families so it works out me.

@snthonyrice2277

Жыл бұрын

Lol your black genes dies with you

I am newly single at 47. I just realized within the last year that I have been a male worshiper and a pickme. My status in life and baby daddy is a clear reflection of that LOL. Well no more! I am thinking about opening up the dating pool this time around. This conversation was very helpful. The things you addressed such as sex, the lady that would rather be done wrong by a black man are thoughts that I have had. I don't see anybody being that honest or touching those thoughts. Thanks for giving me more to think about. I am experiencing so much growth and I am thankful for you young women. I don't care if its a hot girl summer or holding men accountable, the younger generation is on to something powerful. No more Aretha Franklin Natalie Cole catching hell days for me.

@racheltruth3822

Жыл бұрын

I appreciate your transparency 💖

@Londiebeantown

Жыл бұрын

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

@SamuelsReview

Жыл бұрын

We support you and wish you well on your journey 🥰

@Luna-kb3sr

Жыл бұрын

I’m 45 and I am in the exact same boat! I’ve decided to date out because of the ptsd I’ve experience from Black men and my relationships. Not all are bad but honestly…. You know where I’m going😏. I no longer a pick me and I currently have a sweet WM friend. We’ll see where it goes. Great luck in your journey ❤️

I think it’s not about BW being desperate to date out because of self hate but seeing that we are the only race of women (who can date out) who don’t take advantage of the opportunity. It’s seeing asian and Hispanic women dating WHOEVER values them and having happy relationships while seeing BW politicise everything and act like it’s an L if you’re with anyone who isn’t black. It’s black men sullying our image on a global stage and thinking what does that say about BW that we still prioritise this man. It’s reading study’s that show “black women have similar odds of escaping poverty as white women until they marry black men” and seeing all the hurdles we have to cross and disadvantages and knowing that IR dating could be a means for BW to elevate the position as well as comfort in this society. It’s hard for me to see women not prioritising how a man views them and his ability to enhance their life but skin color . It’s just a lot...

@erikaarnold4780

Жыл бұрын

That part!! Please…a little louder for the ones in the back…

@angelar.5683

Жыл бұрын

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

@theadvancedforce1017

Жыл бұрын

You sistas talk down onbbm more than the white supremacists. Blaming all the world's problems on bm while supporting racist divest movements.

@theadvancedforce1017

Жыл бұрын

I don't care what you divesyors say there are plenty of food brothas out here that are rejected for bad boys. Then when things go south with the bad boys it's all blk men this all blk men that. You guys gave mo accountability and I'm tired of you huys acting like white supremacist ls against all blk men.

@theadvancedforce1017

Жыл бұрын

@TN you do have every right but that particular movement talks just like them folks.

I decided at an early age when black boys at my school were calling black girls ugly and all that mess that I wasn’t going to play the game. I go where I’m loved and currently that’s with a Mexican man. I’ve dated black men in the past and although it didn’t work out, I was always careful to choose black men that ADORE black women. I wish for black women to always go where they’re loved. I will say though that the older I get the more and more exhausted I become of white people and can’t imagine having a child with a white man but hey maybe that’s just me lol

@SapphicSis

Жыл бұрын

honestly as bad as it sounds. i would date out, but i don’t want a biracial child with a white man. i literally don’t want that struggle lmao

@MissKashira

Жыл бұрын

How old are you and did you grow up in an all black community? I see so many black girls talk about the disdain they experienced at the hands of black boys, but this didn't happen when I was growing up and I have to wonder if it's because I'm older or because there were no white girls around to put on a pedestal. There was colorism, and we were all taught to worship whiteness, but we didn't have any white peers. White people were teachers, cops, bosses, people in authority over us, not people romantically obtainable.

@tanettacaleb7767

Жыл бұрын

@@MissKashira I think you both have come to the same conclusion without realizing it. If there is colorism in an all blk community or your not in an all blk community the outcome is pretty much the same-disdain. I guess if there are only lighter girls that’s good enough because at least they are still black-smh colorism is a product of being socialized by supremacy. The good old 2000s and below is the generation of colorism. Old people scare me.

@MissKashira

Жыл бұрын

@@tanettacaleb7767 When I say there was colorism, I mean that light-skinned girls were considered prettier, but dark-skinned girls weren't called ugly, weren't rejected or mocked. That was reserved for fat kids. So clearly something different has happened between my upbringing and the upbringing of a lot of black girls and I'm wondering if it's generational cause I was a child in the 80s and 90s when TV was full of dark-skinned black women unlike now or was it my location, cause like I said, can't chase white girls if there are none. But the end of your comment answers it for me. I didn't grow up treated like this cause I'm old. LOL

@LeratoM98

Жыл бұрын

@@SapphicSis Lol I also don't want a biracial child. I want a child like me. But I don't plan to have children anymore.

I've really only dated WM, but I have a reason .I'm from a large Jamaican family with many many many men. The side babies/cheating/misogyny/lies/sister-wives lives my aunts/mother/cousins have put up with have maybe left trauma in my soul hahaha. Why would I opt into the struggle?! My brothers/uncles have always said "I think I'm too nice and I expect too much" this is also said by my BM friends....being a successful, well paid, well educated woman seems to make BM uncomfortable? I have never understood it, and never sought to if I'm honest. Im in a long term, relationship with a respectful, well paid, well educated WM that wants marriage and babies and I'm not sorry at allllll. Here for the easy life, not the struggle....does that mean all black love is struggle love? No. But does that mean i'll invest my time into finding it? Also no.

@jamesbaxter222

Жыл бұрын

Have you heard that mess t.d. Jakes was spouting a couple of weeks ago? It reinforced everything you experienced.

@bringingclaritytoconfusion3605

Жыл бұрын

Nothing is never easy.

@candiwatkins8282

Жыл бұрын

@@jamesbaxter222 that man is a menace 🤦🏽‍♀️ and yes, reinforces everything. Honestly so backwards it hurts to listen to him!

@tengraceapples

Жыл бұрын

Yup! I just try and stay away from most Caribbean men. Sorry but im over that entire thing!

@suzettewilliams1758

Жыл бұрын

Yep

As a child free woman approaching 30, I have detached from society’s expectation of me to someday bear children and would love to hear how you came to this same conclusion at the age of 16, if you would be willing to share.

@rejectionisprotection4448

Жыл бұрын

I knew that I wouldn't get married or have children at around eight years old. Even as a child I always valued solitude above all else. I distinctly remember thinking (at around eight) that I'd hate to be married because "I'd never have any time alone" . Looking back I'd say that I had a nun's temperament. And I think that other people sensed it too. Even family didn't get on at me to get married unduly, even in my "prime" years Although there were incidents which were iffy, as a whole I haven't really been criticised or challenged about it. I'm from the UK of Caribbean descent. I don't know how much difference it makes. I suspect that in AA communities, there is a greater emphasis on BW getting married, regardless of character, ambition, finance and education of BM, so I'd imagine the pressure is greater there.

I love the statement of not being scared of being alone at 55. I am not quite there. As a Rwandan immigrant of French nationality living in the UK, who is still striving for financial success, I do feel like money plays a role in this. Because part of the fear of growing old alone is about who will take care of you if you are unpartnered AND childless. I am aware that there is a lot to unpack here, including culture, but my point is that class, financial freedom and the systems that have been put in place in the West to replace family and community structures - for those who can afford them - play a role in being able to divest from partnering and, in a very twisted, f***ed up way, having children.

@rosedalinevaletine6931

Жыл бұрын

My biggest fear given I’ve chosen to be child-free (an easy choice cause I never got euphoria from the thought of being a parent. I tend to have the opposite reaction). I’ve recently chosen to be partnerless, too, and…the fear of not being able to financially take care of myself when I am an old adult scares me.

@rosedalinevaletine6931

Жыл бұрын

@@tead9684 My fear isn’t dying alone, we all do at the end of the day; it’s more so the financial side of it. I’d love healthy, genuine companionship too, but that has never been realistic and that’s why at the ripe age of 24 I’ve chosen a life of singleness and I’m satisfied with that. I just wished I know for a fact that I’ll always be financially stable and good alone.

@fans-ed1td

Жыл бұрын

This is a very very good point

@faithsrealtalk2292

Жыл бұрын

Wow....never thought of that @Originalbrownsugar

@tead9684

Жыл бұрын

@@rosedalinevaletine6931 ooooh. I think that I responded on the wrong thread. I read somewhere where someone was saying that they were afraid of dying. Wrong thread. But,..You're a baby. And I guess that a lot of women in our communities feel that way. Just keep doing what you're doing baby girl. Focus on finding employment that allows you to have retirement funds. And if you are self-employed, talk to someone about setting up something to set money aside for retirement. Don't worry baby girl. Those are few things that you can try off hand and that may help ease your mind. GOD-luck⚘️

It’s very weird to me that a Black woman talking about being attracted to Black men is something to be questioned? Dating within your race is the norm for everybody. I’m darker skinned, fat, have natural hair so I understand being tired of the disrespect from BM. I’m for going where you’re loved and having good experiences, at this point I refuse foolishness, but girlies of all races are suffering and dating within their race??? So what is making these men so appealing to US? The femicide and DV numbers ain’t lying. Marriage may be more likely while you’re young in those communities, but we got a whole new generation of wine moms because of lack of help in the house, so it feels a like grass is greener fantasy. I’ve been with the NBs and it’s not inherently better? It’s not fah me. Date who you want, but there’s a way to date out and not let it be fueled by anti-Blackness.

@fae3821

Жыл бұрын

Right! It's so weird reading the comments laughing at Kim & trying to change her mind about being attracted to Black men even when she says she's just dating for fun. All the comments about Black love always being struggle love😬 But in MY experience non Black men are no better, in fact I was often considered "still too Black" because although I'm light skin I have 4c hair and full features. It definitely looks like a grass is greener thing. And they ignore that many non Black people only want to date within their race as well.

@Bri-ns5rm

Жыл бұрын

@Bree N. Are non-Black men in mass talking about preferring us? 🤔 NB men make jokes about us getting murdered, our hair, our weight, and everything just like BM. They are not loud with their love for us either. Y’all act like silence doesn’t mean anything. With this logic BW should never talk about our preferences unless it’s other BW because nobody goes hard for us but us. Should BM having self-hate issues stop BW from preferring to be with people who look like us? No. That doesn’t mean settle for somebody who is not your equal. It doesn’t mean accept mistreatment. I look at myself with my kinky hair and flat nose and full lips and think I’m fine af, and when I see a BM with those same features, that is attractive. Blackness is attractive. I genuinely don’t understand comments like these. I’m not telling us to be loyal to BM. I’ve been hurt. I’m angry, and some days I’m bitter 🤷🏾‍♀️. I get it. I’m saying acting like attraction to people who look like you is silly at best, stupid at worse is anti-Black and insulting. If you don’t date BM or like them what is the point of trying to get other people on board with that? Just date who treats you well and become indifferent those who don’t. BM are still being centered by people who don’t want to be with them and it’s genuinely concerning. You’re using manosphere logic to prove a point. I’ll never be that traumatized. Anti-Blackness benefits no one Black at the end of the day so doing a tit-for-tat is pointless.

@Bri-ns5rm

Жыл бұрын

@@fae3821 Black people definitely have our dysfunctions but they’re a product of racism. We’re really are a new community in a majority white country (talking about Black Americans). So I have empathy for us even when I don’t have sympathy for individuals. My politics make it hard to date regardless of race and that’s okay! Non Black men always tryna play missionary and convert me or be doing coke on their lunch break and I’m good on that 😂

@namegirl28

Жыл бұрын

@Bree N. you get it but not everyone will and that’s okay

@natasharostova6067

Жыл бұрын

Wine mums? Nope. Where I come from the word is pronounced alcoholic

I think a lot of people are trying to find easier ways to find partners, without having to take the time to figure out if a particular person is right for you. It's like trying to avoid kissing so many frogs in the hopes of finding your prince faster, but no matter what you do finding the right person is gonna involve a lot of time, energy, and work. No amount of divesting or investing is gonna change that.

@alias4506

Жыл бұрын

Such a good point. There is always going to be a risk and a investment of energy / time/ sanity 👌🏽🙃

@moonlightauras1

Жыл бұрын

@@alias4506 And it's unavoidable because the princes are among the frogs, so you have to kiss them 'cause that's the only way you're gonna know for sure. I know the analogy is tired, but it's true. If you want to find the person who is right for you, you can't avoid the ones who aren't. How else are you gonna find them if you're trying to avoid the search?

@canesugar911

Жыл бұрын

This whole kissing many frogs to find your prince thing is a western concept. In my culture, people get married literally months after meeting and dating for years is not common. The main thing is to find someone who shares similar values and morals to you. State your expectations from the start and if they don't align with you and you can't reach a compromise, then just move on. No need romanticising the struggle

I only dated Black men when I wanted to have babies that look like me. (Didn't happen though.) Now that I'm past the age of baby making, I'm a free agent. But I don't date white American men either. Leaving the country makes dating so much easier.

@mcsaism

Жыл бұрын

Yes! I have never found white American men desirable, but I’m very open to every single thing else

@allcitychessclub13

Жыл бұрын

Am I just misinterpreting this statement or does it seem like a lot of black people treat love and child rearing as theatrical? Like what do you mean you want babies that "look like you"? Sounds a bit odd to phrase it that way but maybe I am being uncharitable.

@Zikomo7

Жыл бұрын

Hi Stephanie, I wanted to say that I love your channel and your video about BW doing things because they like them hit me harder than it I expected. Thank you for being a role model on what true freedom looks like.

@sagittariusbeauty

Жыл бұрын

@@allcitychessclub13 I honestly don't know why a lot of black women say this, there's plenty of other races/ethnicities of men who are the same color or even darker. I guess that's the weird obsession of black men 🤷🏽‍♀️ idk just my *opinion*

@E_MZ_

Жыл бұрын

@@sagittariusbeauty idk. Biracial and mixed children often get fetishized and treated differently due to colorism, featurism, texturism, and internalized racism. So while it shouldn’t be a thing, I definitely get it. EDIT: wow, I hadn’t even gotten past the intro when I replied, but Kim just proved my point.

1- expand your horizons(dating pool choices) 2- hold your standards/don't compromise regardless of race/ethnicity/nationality 3- understand that regardless of race there are transversal relationship 'issues', ex:money represents on average 1/3 of marriage problems 4- a woman's role and position in society are changing so our mindsets are not exactly 'wired' on traditionalist norms, despite some of us 'wanting' it! 5- don't lower your standards/don't compromise

As a Chinese woman who's moved out of the Asian bubble of my hometown to a very white place for work, I'm very jealous of this. There isn't enough of a community here to even surround myself with Asian friends, much less find an Asian partner. Plus the Asian diaspora is already diverse and cross-cultural... and some of my Asian friends who are third gen have totally lost their culture

@racheltruth3822

Жыл бұрын

💖

I love this discussion. As a blk gay man living in Los Angeles. It is extremely hard to date blk men but I prefer too. I just need someone with a job and a good person. The pool is extremely small

@125loopy

Жыл бұрын

I didn't find my person until I went international with my search. If you're willing to make it work, you're pool doesn't have to stay small 😊

@jeremyd5850

Жыл бұрын

@@125loopy I’m definitely open to international but a long distance relationship is impossible. I need dick daily if I’m in a relationship. Being single I’m celibate until I actually like them. I have an amazing job. Stable life but when I date blk men it’s either they want me to take care of them or they are a shit person.

@aisha6577

Жыл бұрын

Well, you’re gay so of course it’ll be hard to find a homosexual black male. It’ll be better for you to date outside of your race. I’m sure you’ll find someone

@fergiemon18

Жыл бұрын

It’s hard in the blackest cities too ie. Atlanta, Philadelphia. At this point that’s all I want. A man with a job that can provide for himself and loves and cares about me.

@AndreTJones

Жыл бұрын

I hear you. I’m an Angeleno as well. I’m attracted to both Latino and black men equally. I have relocated to the south, to Houston, and since moving here I have had exclusively black partnerships. LA is ,for lack of a better phrase, a melting pot. Everyone is with everyone else. I see many interracial couples there. Sometimes it’s proximity.

It's an unfortunate time to be black and heterosexual... it's like there is a gender war going on and everyone loses.

Ever since I was a girl I knew I wanted a partner to get old with, hang out in the garden, paint, build things, look at sunsets etc..Well I certainly didn't grow up with that scenario. I finally left the US and now I have such a partner. When I was growing up people bullied of me for wanting these things and told me I thought I was better than them. I am smiling now.

@eurekamreum5458

Жыл бұрын

Girl, I feel you! I'm exactly the same when it comes to romantic relationships but unfortunately I'm currently living in Mexico City, which isn't much better than the US tbh :( maybe I should try some international online dating in the meantime

@carlac9782

Жыл бұрын

@@eurekamreum5458 I hope and wish for you that you get a wonderful partner with whom you can live how you have always imagined. I had to wait awhile but it happened. Sending you beautiful thoughts and wishes.

I am Black women that has neither dated nor ever had a relationship with a Black man. All my relationships have been with Latino men except for one with a White man. I did not intentionally date out but the pool of dateable Black men is small. Why be able alone when there's such a diverse group of men in the world

Prefacing this by saying happily in an IR where I’ve never had to deal with the slightest hint of racism, disrespect or abuse, best relationship of my life. That being said, if you’re a bw only interested in bm, I don’t think you should feel obligated to change that. It’s not wrong, most people date in their race. You’ll be just fine.

@yujuy.1329

Жыл бұрын

Actually data says they won’t be fine bc there aren’t enough eligible men and the possibility of violence is very high.

@haryel5058

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Yuyu… be fine ??? No you have a hard chance to be a single mother

@kaybee7237

Жыл бұрын

@TN get help

@kaybee7237

Жыл бұрын

@@yujuy.1329 get help

@kaybee7237

Жыл бұрын

@@haryel5058 get help

Hello. I think it is alright for folks to date, have sex with and/or marry whomever they want and for whatever reason. I don't like how black women are often EXPECTED to only date black dudes, but I also don't like when black woman are anti dating out. Anyway, my favorite part of this video was "are you gonna fuck my shit up!?" That's the best question and I hope everyone asks that before getting involved with someone else.

@tbcreloaded7529

Жыл бұрын

Who is only expecting black women to date black men? Especially since it's often black women (and non-black men too, lets be real) themselves who are the main cause of backlash over black men dating out.

@lilygirllisa

Жыл бұрын

@@tbcreloaded7529 I've seen a post of a instagram influencer who married a white guy and she got thousands of posts telling her that she was a bedwench

@tbcreloaded7529

Жыл бұрын

@@lilygirllisa I'll acknowledge that it sometimes happens, but my point is black men face the most backlash for dating or marrying outside their race. I mean it isn't new knowledge.

@jahipalmer8782

Жыл бұрын

I think we all sometimes expect other people to do certain things because that's what's we would do. Also I understand that I'm a guest in this space so if I say something ignorant I'm willin to learn.

@jahipalmer8782

Жыл бұрын

@@tbcreloaded7529 I had watched a few videos by a youtuber named Chrissie and a common sentiment I found in the comments is that Black men expect BLack women to date black men, even if there are no black men available or interested in dating them.

I think it's interesting that even divesting circles feel the ripples of white supremacy. White men are always at the forefront of the conversation. They seem to be the ultimate sign of divesting. The farthest to divest on the spectrum. There's so much to unpack with dating and other life choices. We are all just human and trying to do what's best for ourselves. In the meantime, there's so much trauma. At some point I pray we can just learn to love each other through it and stop policing each other.

I feel like what holds a lot of black women back from dating outside of their race is 1. They are really trying to hold the black family together and 2. When they consider dating a black man, they take into consideration just their characteristics/qualities but when it comes to dating outside of their race, the consider their qualities plus everything that their race has done to them past, present, and future.

@matxalenc8410

Жыл бұрын

Yes. The idea of dating someone of another race who may have a problem with my Blackness and justifying some things is scary. And because most groups have a culture of anti-Blackness, I can't picture myself dating someone of another culture or race.

@noirelady1815

Жыл бұрын

@@matxalenc8410 but Most BM have a problem with your blackness 😆 Yall need to let this one sided race loyalty go. It’s making y’all delusional

@matxalenc8410

Жыл бұрын

@@noirelady1815 I have been noticing that the new group of Black women who are just now thinking they should date out (after years of telling Black women they're wrong for doing that), worship other races of men and THAT'S EQUALLY AS DELUSIONAL. You should vet everyone, and part of vetting as a Black woman is making sure you don't have to worry about anyone's anti-Blackness. Weeding for that doesn't make you race loyal, it makes you safe and smart.

@noirelady1815

Жыл бұрын

@@matxalenc8410 no one is “worshiping” other races of men. If you want to see men worshiped then check how the collective of BW treat the kAnGs with no kingdoms. I don’t gaf about no anti blackness. All I care is if he likes ME. I owe no loyalty to the communitah. Plus, Ain’t nobody more anti black than ninjas.

@heathers432

Жыл бұрын

I just wonder why black woman are so upset that a black woman wants to date/marry a black man? It seems like dating out is less about finding love but more about spiting black men out of bitterness. We are allowed to choose to date whoever we want for whatever reasons we want. The peer pressure is real!

I grew up in Europe so I have pretty much dated only white guys! I live in a predominantly white area and the only black men I meet only date white girls! I also wear my hair natural so.... Btw I don't like to hang out with white people either because it's annoying AF holding back when they say racist stuff. Because let's face it, no matter how nice or liberal they are they still say messed up shit in private. I haven't dated in over 2 years now because I don't have the time or energy to deal with foolish men. I don't care about getting old alone even though I'm not rich 🤣🤣

@125loopy

Жыл бұрын

I think building good friendships has completely taken away my fear of being old and alone. If I end up single when I'm elderly, I have about 10 different girls in different countries to enact a Golden Girls situation.

@elledumble

Жыл бұрын

@@125loopy that's a great idea! I should definitely work on building good friendships all over the world because I don't want kids and marriage is not a priority for me.

@jackieade6599

Жыл бұрын

YES! Exactly:-)!

@jackieade6599

Жыл бұрын

@@125loopy That = BEAUTIFUL 😍!

@thatlittlezombie

Жыл бұрын

So the Black men are like you? Around whites and only dating whites. 🤣 Makes sense.

That makes sense - if one's approach to dating is purely for getting the fun & pleasure from dating, not looking for life partnership / someone who's going to be a good parent / ongoing financial stability or ongoing emotional support, then there's absolutely no need to consider anyone outside of the specific group of people that you're most sexually attracted to.

16:51 🤣🤣🎯🎯 When men encounter women they can't terrorize with the "enjoy your pets" line, they legit glitch 🥴. Tracee Ellis Ross told Kevin Hart she's not settling & will be good either way... and the Black men who fantasize about her became VICIOUS toddlers in the comments. Trying to force women to accept less because you refuse to be more is unfortunate.

How come non-black always == white? There’s other colors in the rainbow 🌈

@essencekk

Жыл бұрын

‼️‼️‼️

@MyWorld-xw6ic

Жыл бұрын

Hey Samri! Chile let em stay in blackistan. More pickins for we nit yet married folk dating out

@namegirl28

Жыл бұрын

Because of colorism and wm are more prone to actually marry the women they date

@vesbarrow

Жыл бұрын

This!

I thought divest was just like a self love type thing when I first saw people using that word but once I saw the kind of shit they’re really on I said NOPE 😭

@aj2thamaxx742

Жыл бұрын

Some people use divestment as a means of talking about putting energy into something and remove the effort when it doesn’t serve them anymore like a self-help situation but yeah, the divestment movement co-opted the term and on both sides (men and women divestors) are both for the trailer park, I really get cringe and anti-Blackness vibes either way.

@glencoco4444

Жыл бұрын

What does this term mean?

@copiouscat

Жыл бұрын

Right!! I thought it was to divest from STUGGLE and prioritize self. But it’s morphed into ALOT LMAO

@125loopy

Жыл бұрын

Girl me too! I thought divestment was all about prioritizing yourself and your friendships over the constant yearning for a relationship. I felt bamboozled once I started watching the videos lol.

@copiouscat

Жыл бұрын

@@125loopy lmao we was legit hoodwinked on the concept they was promoting 🤣💀

The world isn’t just black and white. There is all types in between. Brown skin shows up in many other nationalities (Indian, Hispanic, Arabic, etc.) if you’re truly dating for experiences then open yourself to other experiences. Allow a man to “sell himself” instead of expecting to be “sold” on him before going out with him. Attraction can definitely build over time.

I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE YOU HAD A PERSONAL CHANNEL, I'VE BEEN MISSING OUT ON KIM CONTENT I COULD HAVE BEEN ENJOYING THIS WHOLE TIME???

I kinda resent this conversation because of the way it gets hijacked by divestors; specifically those who are operating from a place of trauma and self-hate. I get that these particular BW are down so bad because of the trauma of constant mysogynoir but the conversation surrounding dating out becomes instead about idolising/pedestalising WM and other non-blk people. Interracial dating inherently isn’t a bad thing. People can find good, healthy love with those of other races. That’s not what I take issue with. I remember specifically with Lipgloss’s 4C hair video when she made the joke about, a certain type of response that kept coming up from a weird amount of BW went along the lines of "see this proves that wyt men love us/this is why we should go to wyt men" (I'm paraphrasing) and it's something I've been seeing more of in other situations and online spaces centering BW. Those women were uncritically encouraging other BW to actively seek out relationships with WM as though they suddenly aren't the biggest perpetrators and beneficiaries of white supremacy. 2 are true: a large number of BW have mysogynoir related dating trauma from BM AND the majority of yt ppl are racist (be it overtly or covertly. BW are getting bs from all sides and so we have to vet ALL the people that come into our lives because there are fetishisers, abusers, liars, and what have you in all groups of men. While I can understand BW who only choose to date BM (one reason I’ve seen a lot is that for them it is important that a partner have an intimate understanding of racialised experience that yt ppl can sympathise with to a degree but never understand or access the way another blk person can), I can’t understand choosing to exclusively date yt ppl, very few of whom have shown to actually be anti-racist. If a person is anti-racist, it comes with a life-long dedication and hard work, learning and unlearning. Especially because we are all conditionined from youth to buy into white supremacy. The default for all wyt ppl is racism. Whether it be overt or covert. So it's weird that for some BW, somehow the answer to "go where you're wanted and appreciated" is "go to the wyt community/WM". The most ardent protectors of wyt supremacy (that self-hating BM are striving to emulate which is how all this started in the first place) are not gonna save BW or their self-image. Why are there BW saying things like "see, y'all need to go out there and get yourself a WM and have a struggle free relayionship" like we haven't seen the BM and WW in fetishistic relationships be nice to each other and complement each other until something snaps and the hidden underlying anti-blackness jumps out. I feel like a have to be clear that being open to dating out itself is not bad I’m talking about a distinct phenomenon amongst a sub-group of BW who engage in rhetoric that gets more openly white supremacist as you get deeper into those spaces: i.e. Buying into the white saviour myth, or that WM are inherently superior, and trying to justify encouraging other BW to chase after WM by glossing over their contributions to mysogynoir and "absolving" them of just how much racism they dole out as a group. The rhetoric also increasingly uses white supremacist talking points to demean BM. Truthfully, there is criticism to be had for a number of BM driven by self-hate but not through racist stereotypes and essentialist statements about the inherent natures and values of WM vs BM. BW "going where we're wanted" becomes laying at the feet of wyt men and distancing ourselves further not just from all BM but from blackness (with the implication that it is a cradle of dysfunction) and to embrace value placed on us by a supposed messianic benevolent patriarchal white/non-blk gaze.

@bigmoney923

Жыл бұрын

This is the best take on this situation I've ever seen. Thank you.

@ClaimedQT

Жыл бұрын

Yes black women have to be careful. Men are men at the end of the day it's all about what a woman wants and is willing to tolerate. If white men were so perfect white women wouldn't have rebelled. They would have just stayed at home cooking, cleaning, and being provided for. But abuse, alcoholism, poverty, misogyny, disease, mental health etc. don't care about race.

@marisolania2696

Жыл бұрын

I’ve read all the comments and I had to reply just to say this is the best take here!! The comments are scary with the amount of white supremacy talking points from Black women. Like we have to be so careful. When they say “go where you’re loved!” I’m always like and where’s that?? What communities are magically devoid of anti-Blackness/sexism/misogynoir? Now by all means date/marry who you choose but babyyyy the trauma and self-hate is painful to watch. I just want them to see there are no White knights, there’s no utopian country for Black women and sad as it is to swallow there’s no certainty of good treatment from any specific group of men. This is a global issue that spans cultures. I think this divestment community could be doing real harm by positioning WM & others as some sort of “safe zone” where we won’t experience struggle.

@macummings7818

Жыл бұрын

Really, really well said here Probably some Blk women don't recognize the "default" anti-Black positions operating, esp. if they are subtle, hidden, or buried by the Whytes we deal with in our daily experiences. I know that I had to reflect on the feedback I heard fr a WM I had been seeing, that he was affected by public responses he received when we were out together. Though he didn't want to seem as if he was too bothered, he realized he was indeed unsettled by the anti-Blackness. Anyway, whatever, appreciate the conversation.

@paris40359

Жыл бұрын

@@marisolania2696 White supremacy is such a cancer! You're right how scary it is. I'm glad it's not as prevalent in Kim's comments. Online I've seen blk women saying that they've sworn off all blk men because "why would I want an uneducated thug with multiple baby mamas that can't keep a job". I'm sadly not exaggerating, these girls sound like ultra right-wing newscasters the way they're talking about blk men. @Mx K is so right about where their trauma comes from but it's no excuse to align with (and spread the rhetoric of) literal racists. They talk as if other races of men (especially yt) are inherently better, smarter, more moral in a matter of fact way that mirrors the ideas that yt supremacists want people to believe. This put me off a lot of online spaces for blk women that I used to frequent. The last straw was when this lady tried to come at me for not appreciating being called exotic or being fetishised by yt men. It was giving "pick me, massaa!" Like im not gonna be happy to experience ANY type of sexual racism lol. Those spaces were supposed to be for unity because at the end of the day, as a group, blk women only really have each other but as yt supremacist ideology does, it seeped into the cracks, inflamed internalised racism and division. Making us weaker as a collective and recruiting more blk women to be agents of yt supremacy while encouraging their peers to join in. This take has the nuance this whole situation needs to be addressed with because mysognynoir is everywhere like you said. we need to be always discerning about who exactly gets access to our time, energy, bodies, resources etc. life is too short to spend disrespecting yourself for fleeting and meaningless validation

As a black trans woman dating within the black community is out of the question, there's just too much transphobia there. So dating out is just.... dating for me 🤷🏿‍♀️

@happygucci5094

Жыл бұрын

Wishing you love, happiness and safety 🙏🏾💗

@lousielouise8716

Жыл бұрын

stay safe and i hope you find nothing but joy ❤️❤️

@scj3188

Жыл бұрын

@@happygucci5094 I have found that, outside of the black community. Ty

@happygucci5094

Жыл бұрын

@@scj3188 💗

@scj3188

Жыл бұрын

@@mypronouniselonmusk4559 OK, so you're transphobic. Got it.

I have never understood the need for black women to only date black men. Maybe because I’m younger (college aged gen z) But ladies we out number them. Don’t date based on race. Find someone who cares for you. And if their black good for you. And if their not good for you. Find your happiness!!!

@yourlittlesecret7575

Жыл бұрын

I’m college aged gen z as well. When it comes to men, I’ve always loved them. I never loved a race. As long as you have an XY chromosome, it’s on from there. I want to say I’m a divestor, but am I really a divestor if I would still date a black man? I love me a black man, the same way I love me an Asian man, the same way I love me a white man. They’re all men at the end of the day. I could never limit myself to 1 race though. My mom wants me to marry a Haitian guy since we’re Haitian. But how can I marry a Haitian guy when they all want hispanic girls? But anyways, dating is going to be a very diverse experience for me and I can’t wait!

@courttttttt

Жыл бұрын

@@yourlittlesecret7575 I love this response. Love whoever you want!!!

@taravalcimond7181

Жыл бұрын

Im a millennial and never understood that either

@taravalcimond7181

Жыл бұрын

@ your little secret - I am Haitian and married a white man. Lol my mom did not want me to marry a Haitian man.

@courttttttt

Жыл бұрын

@@taravalcimond7181 your gen probably were at the forefront of this. Millenials are cool. Y’all grew up with older Disney and Harry Potter. Y’all were the gen that started the movement of acceptance in my opinion.

Kim saying something and then always laughing at herself 😆 so funny. 13:20, 15:39, 17:00

I know that every time Kim leans towards the mic and speaks slowly, she's about to throw shade and I live for it!! She really cracks me up!

Black women dating out to level up. Not the same reason black men date out.

@TrangPakbaby

Жыл бұрын

Exactly and there are more options besides yt men. I’m not limiting myself to ANY man. Taste the rainbow, sisters lol

@bamatexas1225

Жыл бұрын

@@TrangPakbaby exactly!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 You don’t have to just date yt men. There are other races. Black men date out for aesthetic.

@copiouscat

Жыл бұрын

@@bamatexas1225 mostly easy access to sex but what you said applies too 🤣

@amab1853

Жыл бұрын

Well said!

I find this SO fascinating. Believe me when I say I do not want to put my 2 cents in black women’s business. It’s just as a black gay man I have found that a similar thing is happening in the black gay male community. There are just so many parallels. I remember when I started going to the clubs with my “white”/light skinned Mexican boyfriend of 10 years, I would get dirty looks from the other gay black guys. Later it was explained that because of my partner I was assumed not to date black men. But as I said before it’s a parallel not necessarily a one for one.

This part of the conversation is not talked abt enough or at all. Obviously being attracted to Black men but also in my free time wanting to hangout with Black ppl. His social network being Black. I believe that has been the biggest deterrent for me dating non black. I don’t wanna be at the function with raisins in the potato salad. 😂😂 I dont wanna have to put pieces of myself away.

@SuburbanKween

Жыл бұрын

Not "raisins in the potato salad" 🤣🤣🤣

@copiouscat

Жыл бұрын

EL OH EL 💀🤣😂

@jackiemaldonado7777

Жыл бұрын

That is the hardest part by far of being with a white man for me.. luckily the people from my end of things have some flavor 🤣

This comes at a time I'm struggling with the idea of dating a yt person. Like you, when I picture my romantic future or have fantasies, it always involves a Black person. My pool sometimes feels smaller since I date women and gender expansive people. Yes yes yes to being in culturally black spaces in leisure time. I cannot do a sea of whiteness. Just can't and won't.

@nattaliegordon4553

Жыл бұрын

You and me, we’re in the same boat. I feel like my pool is even smaller since I also date women and I’m really 95% attracted to only black women… as in dark skinned obviously black women.

@SapphicSis

Жыл бұрын

@@nattaliegordon4553 love this comment

@crazierthanusince96

Жыл бұрын

@@nattaliegordon4553 same! 😫

@soblacksobeautiful

Жыл бұрын

@@nattaliegordon4553 This comment gives me hope that I will meet a black woman that is mainly attracted to and dates unambiguous dark skin black women. That is what I envision in my romantic future 🖤.

I date men that mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially are invested and in love with me. And I also love to return the favor. It doesn’t matter what skin color they are, what race they are as long as you treat me with love , respect , you’re loyal and you accept all of me with my flaws. And I can do the same for you so we can build and grow that’s all that matters. But that’s my preference 💜🤷🏽‍♀️ I have never had any issue with people dating same race or dating outside their race as long as you’re doing it for the right reasons and there is no specific intentions behind it and it’s just pure love. Also making sure your not knocking/bashing other people while doing it even if you are dating within your same race or outside. We are all human , we all have flaws and needs 😊

It's the openings for me! Your channel just keeps getting more amazing

Honestly, I've been starting to hate this "Just date out" mentality that's being pushed now because it comes off as if it's so easy when it's really not. Like from my experience being a student at a PWI, it is not easy. I definitely DO NOT encourage black women to only date black men however.

@sherwood9917

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this comment. Not only do they neglect to mention how difficult it is, they often do not mention that the stereotypes that Black men have of Black women are shared by white men. On this platform, many give the impression that "all of them" want us, when the reality is that many do not see us as viable partners. The thing that also annoys me is that I see a lot of people forward the falsehood that dating out automatically means that you will have healthy and prosperous relationships. Not only is it false, but it is also dangerous.

I truly loved this one Kim. ❤️

1. MARRIAGE 2. DOESN'T CHEAT 3. STABLE CAREER WITH BENEFITS DECENT MONEY 💥FINDING A BLACK MAN WITH ALL THESE QUALITIES IS LIKE FINDING A MYSTICAL UNICORN

@tsuyayaka1

Жыл бұрын

And those are basics.

@invisiblerevolution

Жыл бұрын

Speaking as a BM myself..... is that really a "Unicorn List" or ya'll just overlooking us????

@sagittariusbeauty

Жыл бұрын

Hell it's hard to find one who doesn't have kids as well lmao

@jeanjmcceee5764

Жыл бұрын

@@invisiblerevolution speaking as a black woman myself , you're in delusion land , please come back to reality

@JESSKISS19

Жыл бұрын

@@invisiblerevolution attraction. Is important too

Dear Kim, I watch you all the time. This is one of more relatable and practical video of you I watch. Thank you

Also ,it might be good for black women to explore other black nationalities other than American (Caribbean, African, Afro-Latino, etc). Especially if a woman has money, traveling to different black places might help to expand the black pool. Otherwise, diversifying your options are key.

@ibabechanel

Жыл бұрын

Dusties are the same worldwide.

@catwoman7694

Жыл бұрын

Or just date any race or ethnic group

@ibabechanel

Жыл бұрын

@TN Africa is the dust manufacturing headquarters.

@chelsaaa3548

Жыл бұрын

Lollll if you think that african or carribean black men are better, then you are HIGHLY mistaken

@Bri-nc8yp

10 ай бұрын

African women themselves are starting to not want to be with African men. They are choosing to marry Asian and German men on the continent and abroad. I dated one African. for three years and will never ever in my life do it again. Worst relationship of my life and I'm still not over it and will need therapy.

This will always be an interesting topic to me. I grew up having different races/ethnicities of family members so I don't naturally gravitate towards one group of people. I've dated most races of men and ended up marrying a white man. When I didn't have boundaries I accepted less from all races 🤷🏽‍♀️ My results changed when I started putting myself first

It's not about the numbers, it's more about the reasons. Even if we dated out more than black men, the motivation will be a lot different.

I’m not going to lie the fact that all my ex’s that were black were the worst. It’s hurt my feelings as I get older that I might really for real for real marry white or non black: I dated dope boys and lawyers they all have this weirdness around relationships and I truly feel they don’t value black women. I’ve witnessed men be total f boys while at my HBCU but marry and become the best boyfriend for non black women. I might be alone 😕

@racheltruth3822

Жыл бұрын

Don't let that deter you from dating out and being your best self too. These BM disrespect the same women they want to ride for them but magically become the best fathers and husband's they can be for a non black woman. Rich or poor, most BM are garbage partners. Theres only a small percentage of BM that are unicorns.

@ibabechanel

Жыл бұрын

@@racheltruth3822 ....and no one has the time to check for those types of b m (unicorn).

@racheltruth3822

Жыл бұрын

@@ibabechanel Self Love and truly honoring yourself is the best way to weed out most of the men that don't match your vibration.

2:45-3:00 I don’t know why people try to downplay the importance of being sexually attracted/desired to/by someone and how that impacts how we partner. SEX MATTERS. No, it shouldn’t be the only thing that matters but it does take up a valid amount of space. I say this as a woman who mostly partners with women- I come across A LOT of women who want to be with me yet have the “ick” when it comes to the thought of pleasuring a woman. I immediately choose to be strictly friends with those types of women because you can’t “out think” sexual desire nor should you have to. (Side note: I am deeply invested in the belief that no woman should have to settle when it comes to pleasure. You deserve unbridled pleasure in every way that your mind can conjure up.)

@iguessitsokyungrichbaby2813

Жыл бұрын

Yes women are conditioned to find their partner attractive down the line if they check off all other boxes. Men don’t want you if they are not attracted from day 1 f they are settling they will never let you forget it. I’m apparently in my masculine engery for making mural attraction a priority.

@eniolarotimi4907

Жыл бұрын

@Rosemary Terra Sex matters lack of good sex in a marriage would lead to a lack of intimacy in the relationship and lead to divorce. I'm a virgin but I know how important sex is because I have hormones.

10:39 you ATE🤣I appreciate the empathy you have for black women that are invested in getting married and having children and encouraging them to be open to interracial relationships.

@MyWorld-xw6ic

Жыл бұрын

Girl you be killing me with this young slang. How old are you anyway? Me: writes comment to me in a parallel universe about my age 😊

I dated a blk man whose primary friend group was white. Not only his three bffs were white women. NEVER THE F*CK again. I didnt even realize how much of a hard no it was for me until you brought it up

Keep the videos coming!! Loving your other channel Kimberly Nicole.

Your comment at 2:30 reminds me of a comment that a biracial cousin of mine made a few years ago. My cousin identifies as “biracial” (Korean and black American). She stated that the only people, who are offended that she identifies as biracial are “black men, who are trying to fuck, but they’re also uncomfortable with it”.

@rejectionisprotection4448

Жыл бұрын

Not surprising at all.

It was the same for me in terms of only thinking black men are sexy but honestly just exposure to other types of sexy helped me change my attraction. The next biggest hurdle to my attraction preference was thinking others wouldn’t find me attractive. Once I saw the truth that I am desired outside of my race and had exposure to others my attraction changed. I remember when Asian men stopped being othered in my eyes. They didn’t look feminine to me anymore they just looked like a different flavor of men. But masculine through and through no matter how much make up they may or may not have on. Even Asian drag queens look like men in drag to me not women. But I had to train my eyes to see that masculinity. Now Asian is the preference 🤷🏽‍♀️

@ForHarriet619

Жыл бұрын

My first boyfriend was white. I don't worry at all that non-white men don't desire me. They do. I don't desire them.

This was a great video. It's good to see intelligent counter commentary to the divest movement. I married a WM and still I agree with all you said about how much easier it is to stay within your comfort and pleasure zone. In a previous video you mentioned that all black love is stuggle love. I think that quote is relevant to this topic too. I guess I wanted to struggle less, more than I wanted a BM.

@askmeagainplease

Жыл бұрын

I so agree with you! I have primarily dated WM and I’m not saying there aren’t struggles with interracial dating (there are) but I do think black love does mimic struggle love. And I am not willing to struggle in that way just to say I’m dating a black man. Or any man for that matter. I started dating WM at a younger age and there are some social benefits that we don’t talk about. More access to wealth. Marriage or commitment is on the table and less struggle. So there are things to consider.

@tbcreloaded7529

Жыл бұрын

All black love is struggle love, while all interracial love is not struggle love apparently....interesting. I wonder what the reaction would be, if it were black men saying this.

@SapphicSis

Жыл бұрын

@@tbcreloaded7529 The reaction would be where are they taking accountability? The reason why black lives struggle of is because of black men. There are more black women out there ready to take care of their families and become a wife before black men. this is why a lot of these comments are suggesting that there is some hope lost for the men in our community.

@askmeagainplease

Жыл бұрын

@@tbcreloaded7529 I don’t think all black love is struggle love. I think it does mimic struggle love. We are taught in the Black community (especially if you grew up in church) that you have to fight hard for love. You struggle and then there’s a reward for those struggles down the line. After years of trauma bonding. So we accept that it’s gonna be hard from the start! I’m saying when I’ve dated out that’s never the start of the conversation. It’s about togetherness and commitment. WM f’ck up too!!! And some have crazy ass family members so I’m not saying that it’s better. I’m just stating that you definitely have a different level of access and will be more guaranteed to have a commitment earlier on in the relationship (and more stability) if you are dating out. 🤷🏾‍♀️

@SapphicSis

Жыл бұрын

@Leah this is my exact situation

Thank you Kim. Love the content!

You're always edifying to watch

Looking beautiful as always 🥰!

"A white partner is a liability for me" My anti capitalist ass felt this in my SOUL

I love how you presented this. 💛

My husband is a wm and I understand. I am 100% attracted to wm (and all other races) sexually. They turn me on 😜. I like my men how I like my friends….diverse 😊 Over all I like diversity. I’m used to hanging out with groups that have different races for activities. I’ve always been around diversity and I’m least comfortable being around only BP, unless it’s my family.

@haryel5058

Жыл бұрын

Girl I feel you and I don’t even understand when black women say stuff like that. My stuff is Middle Eastern men 🥰 but I don’t mind the whiteness just the religious part is not for me. But I’m pretty open on the skin color I don’t mind. I’m just waiting on the perfect occasion to date one ;)

@BlackTalkNoLimits

Жыл бұрын

I have always found men across the spectrum including Black men of other nationalities attractive. My husband is Polish.

@teebelles921

Жыл бұрын

Why do you think you feel least comfortable around only BP?

@JukuduB

Жыл бұрын

@@teebelles921 Exactly. There was something deep in that statement she made.

@beautifulsoulgirl8683

Жыл бұрын

@@JukuduB ain’t nothing deep. You are over thinking and wish it was that serious 😂

Love this video and honestly 100% agree as black women we should look for someone who meets our values/fits our lifestyle and doesn’t “fuck up” our shit. If that means you want to be married go for marriage minded men, if it’s not marriage go for that, but this idea of being tied to any group if it’s not meeting our needs isn’t worthwhile imo.

Okay this is why this question is sooooo weird to me. (I've thought about making a video) As a person dateing a white enby. Wanting to date blk ppl is not a fkn problem lmfao. There are manyyyyy issues that come with mixed race relationships. Which should be obvious? I could make a list, and I've had this convo with reasonable ppl who have been or are in mixed race relationships and they agree. I DID NOT GET INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YT PPL RESPECT ME AS A BLK ENBY MORE. PERIOD. I got into this relationship because I fell in love (and because I had a self hate problem for a second that made me not desire blk ppl, that's another convo it's complicated. It does happen tho)

@phonelawless9205

Жыл бұрын

My mother never wanted to date other races of ppl, even though she could have. And yeah she does say it's a matter of attraction but she also is like... Ppl are racist asf. Like.... Are we gonna ignore the elephant in the room? Not that you can't date other races and work it out. But it's GOING to be a problem, if not them directly then thier family. And if you don't fkn deal with it and have children it becomes your child's problem(which I've been told by my mixed race friends). I hate that it's not apart of the conversation, it's a big deal. But maybe the issue is this conversation revolves around dateing in or out and not just focusing on blk ppls experiences in these relationships. It's sad

@125loopy

Жыл бұрын

@@phonelawless9205 a lot of the conversations revolve around financial benefits to interracial dating and completely forgets about the possible racism. And the problems their kids may face.

@hazelbasil6451

Жыл бұрын

What is an enby?

@hazelbasil6451

Жыл бұрын

@@125loopy Really?! I find that the conversations blk women have around dating out is what they get to avoid by dating. For example, lower risk of being a single mother, dating men who are similar educated, less resentment by non-black men for being educated and independent etc. I do feel blk women online often romanticize non-black men and feel "the grass must be greener" bc of the horrible things blk men are saying across the internet about blk women.

@hazelbasil6451

Жыл бұрын

@@125loopy Additionally, black women also can face anti-blackness and racism within the black community as well. So can their children. Colorism is essentially intra-racial racism, so it doesn't matter if blk women date in or out, they're disadvantages to both.

I’m just getting back in the dating market and my dream was to marry a black man. Now,I’m deciding to be open with my options even though i’m physically attracted to black men. Always thought that white men weren’t attracted to black women like that but learned differently recently. I might have limited my options before but I’m not now lol. It’s weird but I’m trying to learn to navigate this new space.

@niratomas579

Жыл бұрын

Right! Even if every BM dated/married a BW, they’d still be 2 million BW without a BM! Once you’re presented with those statistics, it makes it easier to choose your personal happiness!

@charles1413

Жыл бұрын

oh many WM are attracted to BW. Here in France interracial couples are so common :)

I too am not sexually attracted to anyone but black men. It’s a blessing and a curse. My bff dates all races of men and the white men are no different from the black. A good man is a good man, period. No matter the race.

@brendaking8532

Жыл бұрын

This right here !!!!!👏🏾👏🏾

@karisima6060

Жыл бұрын

I’m not asking this to be offensive, but i’m curious as to how that works. What exactly is it that makes you only sexually attracted to black men rather than all men, given that they’re still men? I am just wondering.

I fully understand and relate to this. Still, I can’t ignore or deny other black women’s experiences. As a human we desire meaningful relationships(romantic and platonic). These are relationships where we feel validated, desired, and nourished. Most of us understand what it feels like to be having a bad time in life and calling that parent, cousin, or friend who just GETS you and rejuvenates your low spirit. Existing as a black woman is tiring. I am tired. We are tired. The world never ceases it’s tyrade against your hair, your skin, your features,etc. When you’re younger, you assume you can find solace from your own people. But lo and behold not all of us can. If black women are orating their need to divest on every orifice of the internet, I will support it. If this movement ensures that black women seeking life partners and fulfilling relationships reach this goal, I support it.

@paris40359

Жыл бұрын

Exactly, so we'll put! BW and femmes just wanna exist as people. It's so hard when bs is coming at us from all angles. If it's not people out-right hating on us then it's some form of fetishisation. We're not hypersexual objects for others' gratification, we are not "so different that we're exotic", we are not tokens to make people feel like they are absolved of all racism because they've been with one or a few of us, we are not new experiences to try and sample, we are not mules tho carry out the political and emotional labour needed in our communities, we are not inspo porn being "strong BW" that are there to absorb all expectations and mistreatment while having no support without complaining, we are not punching bags, we are not insurance to be turned to only when all else fails, we are not infantalised charity cases that need to be saved from BM or loneliness by non-blk ppl with saviour complexes, we are not mirrors for Blk and non-Blk ppl alike to explore their own relationships with blackness, anti-blackness and mysogynoir. Fetishising and reducing BW while making monoliths out of them is so normalized that we stay having to vet the people that come into our lives. Do they actually care or did the come to mine us for experiences, labour, culture, an ego boost or gratification of some sort?

@tanettacaleb7767

Жыл бұрын

@@paris40359 This🙏🏾🙏🏾

Get degree, good job with benefits, most importantly have good social networks, family, friends etc. Don't detract from the person you're dating. Single guy taking notes.. Thank you Kimberly for the video.

Your videos are always so interesting.

Her facial expressions and speaking pauses are on point, lol, love her channel.

Interesting conversation. So I wonder how are so many Black Men able to discuss issues of racism and still prefer women of other races. Examples Don Peeples, Byran Allen, Damion John, Robert Smith and on and on. They do it with no problem. Black Women should be able to do the same.

@rejectionisprotection4448

Жыл бұрын

"Talk Black, sleep White".

Yeah, I think choosing a mate have everything to do with your intentions. If you’re dating for experiences and fun you can limit yourself on whom you want to date. Knowing what works for you.

The first minute "It's because I can do math" LOL. Right off the jump I know this is going to be a HOT episode. Grabbing my tea and popcorn LOL

Watching all the way from Zimbabwe 🇿🇼!!

We can’t help who we’re attracted to. Dating someone you’re not into is EXTREMELY difficult. I’m divested but skeptical of women who focus too much on money. You have to enjoy each others company. Black women should look for men who share their interests and outlooks. You want swagger? You can find that elsewhere. You want the minority experience? You can find that too.

@dorcas8089

Жыл бұрын

This is very practical & good advice

@namegirl28

Жыл бұрын

Those things are trivial though. As a black woman in this world don’t you think other things are way more important than swagger?

@samij6071

Жыл бұрын

@@namegirl28 Exactly & Doubly so for women who want to have children. No matter how much your partner contributes to child rearing, he CANNOT go "50/50" when it comes to creating and birthing human life! These are things we've been conditioned to disregard in the name of some faux "equality," & I am convinced this lie was seeded by men & men alone. What if you have an especially difficult pregnancy? What if you're unlucky enough to be one of those women who experience violent, punishing nausea & vomiting every day of her pregnancy? Will you go into this venture knowing that your partner can hold things down financially if you're unable to work? And will he pamper you when he comes home? Will he hire someone to help you out around the house when you're too tired or too pregnant or a combination of the two? Will he do light cleaning? What about cooking? If he can't or won't or if he sucks at it - can he hire someone to do these things so you can relax & focus on being a mother if that's what you want or need? MOST women have pushed these "what-ifs" so far down they've convinced themselves they're impossible. Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of pregnant women experience these hardships (& worse) every single day- & the women who have partners that love them enough to PROVIDE & PROTECT above all else will be happier & healthier than their 50/50 counterparts. Pregnant Black women experience higher mortality rates, medical issues & complications than their peers - of any other race. I'm not suggesting that bw abandon their careers or their educations in the pursuit of having a family - but shouldn't the OPTION be on the table?

@durranofthetower7306

Жыл бұрын

I don't see how "swagger" would ever rank higher on the list than financial stability

@Zikomo7

Жыл бұрын

@@durranofthetower7306 our tastes mature as we age. A girl in her teens-20s won’t care about a man with a sizable 401K. My point is that whatever is keeping you with BM can be found elsewhere

The social experiences I want are going to be Black experiences. I'd hate having to give up jumping the broom or having kickbacks or avoid black situations bc a man is too nervous to be around black ppl.

@rejectionisprotection4448

Жыл бұрын

Why do you assume that he will be though?

It’s soooo funny just the first minute. I was drinking my coffee thinking about this topic before I even seen the title of the video! So crazy!

Live your best life Kim!

Yo Kim!!!! You are on one today!!!! I need a quote list!!!

@copiouscat

Жыл бұрын

For realz she dropped BARS. Lol

Thank you for talking about it ! I'm honestly curious.

I'm with you 100% on all points Kim! I love black men and the extension of having them in my life!

One thing that’s honestly very tiring to me regarding discussions on interracial dating and BW is this idea that you’re automatically going to have this whole host of non-black men who are going to want to date you if you are indeed open to non-black romantic partners. If you’re the type of person that has a relatively easy time meeting and connecting with promising romantic prospects, that’s great! But that isn’t everyone’s experience, and that should be acknowledged.

@pisceanbeauty2503

Жыл бұрын

I agree! As someone who has always been interested in dating interracially, there is this mythology that somehow most white men and other non-black men are eager to date black women (more so than black men) and that just hasn’t been my experience. I think the women who say that tend to either not actually be in many nonblack spaces and use the relationships they see online as confirmation bias, or just happened to have a lot of success in those spaces and extrapolate that to all black women.

@A-M4

Жыл бұрын

@@pisceanbeauty2503oth of you all spoke facts. I don’t like when this narrative is pushed because it ignored the fact that anti-blackness is embedded in most cultures and it influences how other races view black women. From my own experience in being in non-black spaces, non black men are not checking for black women in large.

Idk how this showed up on my feed but I’m glad to find it!….sis let me just say dating a black man is a privilege, where I’m at! I’m in South Dakota and my options are limited. The only black men here are dating white women….leaving me with little to nothing sometimes. I’ve dated white guys ….there’s a set of rules I follow when I’m trying to date. 1. I don’t date men who fetishize black women. 2. I don’t date men think they’re doing me favor by being with me lol (charity case) 3. I don’t date men who are liability in their community but expect me to treat them like the shit just because they’re not black. Privilege denied! I the same expectations for all. The ugliest non black men will approach you, knowing you’re well outta their league with so much audacity and expect you to take just because your blackness. They want you to stroke their ego. You’re like a discounted beauty to them. They expect you to be chasing them. They cash out almost immediately assuming they’ve secured the bag😅 bishh I’m not even attached to you yet. When I’m bored, I give them a run for their money LOL! …I’m very diplomatic so sometimes they let their guard down to soon and that’s when they get the shock of their life…. Me: “let me call your estranged wife and see what she says…” Him: 😨 If they weren’t lying in the first place then there shouldn’t be a problem but it’s lies. The wife was more mad about me being black than her lying cheating husband….like why her?? Outta all the people why a black woman? LOL

I loved all the times we had to fill in the blanks to figure out what you were saying.🤣 I think the fact that you think a partner who is not black would be a liability is problematic. That mentality is a liability to black women who date black men because they know there are black women who would never date out, even though it is not even a second thought for most of them. I would love to see you discuss the fact that some black women appear to be trapped in that mentality and how they can work to get out of it. Additionally, putting any man in any box is not a smart thing to do while dating. The last white man I dated loved my 4c hair, which is probably more than you can say for a large amount of black men. Every individual is just that, an individual.

@KimberlyNicoleFoster89

Жыл бұрын

Honestly, if people aren't checking for you like that, then you have no idea what I'm talking about.

@tessc4615

Жыл бұрын

@@KimberlyNicoleFoster89 😂😂😂 ah so you meant in regards to you speaking about black issues on your channel. kinda like a “dear white people” dilemma. being with a white man would just falter any argument you make. makes sense.

I feel this to my core Kim!❤

Honestly I love myself and that is enough. I don’t need a man of anything else, black, white or other.

Excusing sociopaths because of their high stress well paid jobs was a word👀

@copiouscat

Жыл бұрын

A STATEMENT. More than a wordd lmao it shook my bones when she said it. I immediately thought of a lot of the black men in the tech industry for example and was like Yupp this applies sometimes lmao

Now you KNOW this video was waaaay too short! I’ve missed you much! But yes we are truly one in the same..I refuse to divest, but I will have a good time lol. Looking for flights to Dallas ♥️

HATE I MISSED THIS EVENT. LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT.

I have divested in my own way. I have divested from older men to younger ones. My younger ones (3-9 years age gap) have been leaders and incredible human beings. Even ending the relationships was bitter sweet. No open wounds. The older ones were so so destructive. Terrible, lying, manipulating, dishonest, selfish human beings. 😔 Emotional leeches.

@racheltruth3822

Жыл бұрын

I have experienced this too with guys who are a couple of years younger than me. They are surprisingly better men than their own fathers 😄

I’m all for interracial dating/relationships, but too much of the rhetoric in black online spaces (both for men and women) fetishizes non-black partners and essentially panders to white supremacist rhetoric. The most liked post in this comment section at the time of my writing this implies that only black men and “black adjacent” nonblack men can have problems or be abusive. White, Latin, Asian, etc. men can be problematic without any proximity to black men or black culture. We’re still buying into this idea of white cultural superiority that is clearly racist. Calling black culture or the black community “Blackistan” is unequivocally racist. It’s disturbing to me that we are trading in one set of problems for different ones just to say we have a partner. Can we just find someone decent no matter their race, and not assume someone is good or bad because of it?

You make all the sense in the world regarding why you choose the way you do. I share the sentiment. I have dated out but went back to only dating black men, six years ago. However, by black men, I’m referring to African and Jamaican men so, in a way, it’s still dating out based on the cultural differences. I’ve spent the majority of my years dating American men and I’ve had my fill. Also, I know a man being able and willing to do for me has become important, not because I can’t do for myself, but because I know that I’m capable and willing to do for him so I, now, refuse to accept someone who doesn’t have the same energy. We are surrounded by takers and I’ve learned from being taken for a ride, previously.

I'm binge watching your videos. You look gorgeous

I CAN DO MATH 😂😂Tell them Kim TELL THEM 💯💯💯