My dad walked in on me once and said to me, “son, stop doing that or you’ll go blind”, I replied, “dad, I’m over here”.

@mikeyp0131

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha!

@trevormoses5061

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@anavelesque

2 жыл бұрын

LOL

@karlosvulture7707

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahahaha gold mate....

@lsd8497

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, my neighbour was put on trial for being a serial masturbator. The judge sent him to a doctor first and the doctor said "you really need to put an end to this". My neighbour said "why?". The doc said "cause I'm trying to examine you!"

I love the legendary Sir Billy Connolly. The man is a genius. He should be prescribed on the NHS

@mtjoy747

2 жыл бұрын

If laughter is medicine, he should be locked in a cabinet LOL

@elizabethkuchta5097

Жыл бұрын

Agree Jamie Barbi

I remember seeing billy in the early 2000’s. My chest hurt for days from all the laughing. One of my favourite memories

Billy is an absolute legend!! He always makes me laugh when I am feeling down

@joshstanton267

2 жыл бұрын

So does masturbation, allegedly.

I like the way the camera shakes at 2.04, presumably because the operator is laughing!

Picture my grans face as I recited this sketch verbatim at 8 years old (no understanding a word). Dad laughed at least.

I remember him shutting up a heckler with “You should get yersel a manager mate! Why sit there in the dark, handling yersel!

I love his shows, his opening line was along the lines of "if you don't like me swearing, f* off now!"

@troubledjoe6201

2 жыл бұрын

When he’d had a haircut and a shave he’d open with “What do you mean ‘Who the f-k are you?’”

billy's the kind of guy that could make anything funny. what a legend

Love his face when that person laughs, "you calling me a wanker?"

I remember watching this with my mom and dad 🙈🙊😳

@robashton5254

2 жыл бұрын

...brave man!

I was there…. The legend that is Connolly!! Brilliant!!

I saw a VHS copy of Billy And Albert with my mum and sister in the late 1980s and we were in tears of laughter at this clip and all the rest of the show. It was beyond hilarious. Billy Connolly is Comedy Gold.

He is a comic genius! Absolutely one of the greatest of all time.

It's hardly a spectator sport is one of my favourite Billy quotes.

@heatchills4093

2 жыл бұрын

Billy failed to predict Onlyfans.

@paulbennett2284

Жыл бұрын

@@heatchills4093 and Chaturbate!

I had the great pleasure of doing his photography in the Liverpool empire in 83 for the Billy bites your bum tour and how I got clear pictures is a miracle because I was laughing so much, and when he spotted me he involved me in a sketch ( I held my own) and I think that he is the best comedian in the world, God bless you big yin

@Essemm52

2 жыл бұрын

..so you held your own did you? Tarantula was it?

@billybarr7443

Жыл бұрын

Stop telling lies lad

@martinmartinmoone3104

Жыл бұрын

@@billybarr7443 knob

@billybarr7443

Жыл бұрын

@@martinmartinmoone3104 just stop telling lies lad

@martinmartinmoone3104

Жыл бұрын

@@billybarr7443 knob

My cousin got caught and as he had been archery hunting earlier, he said that he was checking for ticks!!! Lmao!!!

"Thank god you're here!" Wish I thought of that back when I was 14. 🤣

@RichO1701e

2 жыл бұрын

I wasn't going to say that to my SISTER!

DEFINITELY the funniest man alive or otherwise.

Billy ur a complete legend, best comedian I've ever seen 👏

I gotta get me one of them Beetlejuice suits

Love you Big Yin, 😍 💗 take care and Keep Safe 😘 ❤ 💙 Keep Safe Everyone

Classic routine from the greatest stand up comedian ever, love the big yin

@hididdleydee6804

2 жыл бұрын

@@speeddemon9555 couldnt lace billys boots !

The world has been here how long ? There have been many brilliant people in it ...philosophers, medics even Einstein.. ..but Billy beats them all .....banter to crack a smile from the doorest faces in this world....A genius we have all been blessed with ....i. glad I'm alive at this time, to appreciate this Genius.

My late father idolised billy I grew up watching him with my dad .. love billy the best xx

Brilliant. Thankfully I always make sure the door is locked.

The best ever, a credit to our people. Hail Hail Billy.

I was 15 or 16 and didn't hear the door opening. All I heard was my mother saying "Huh, I suppose it's better thinking about it than diong it".

I’m think going to start using the phrase “Bijou Strollette” 😂

@anonUK

2 жыл бұрын

It's from Julian and Sandy.

Without any doubt the funniest comedian around. Never met him, but he seems to be a genuinely great bloke too.

Billy gets away with anything ! And we’ve Loved Every Minute ❤️✨🌟✨

@RichO1701e

2 жыл бұрын

He didn't get away with the beheaded scouser in Iraq joke...

Could listen to him all night long x

Without doubt the funniest man ever the comedians comedian a true legend of comedy

@paulwatling5400

2 жыл бұрын

I Completely agree Tony the funniest man on the planet 🤣

Most loved comedian in the world ..

Billy is the only man who can make me laugh, god bless him.

Whenever i feel down. Billy u cheer me up xx

@billybarr7443

Жыл бұрын

Why do you get down girl

Have heard some great excuses over the years, even one at my Nana’s funeral…in the church….part of one of my uncles eulogy. 😂

@jonbolton3376

2 жыл бұрын

Well it's something to pass the time with during the Lord is my shepherd.

I remember taking mental notes after sneaking a watch when I was left home alone, the best baby sitter had banana shoes. ❤

The reverse Egyptian handshake with splash guard!

Funny man done some great shows on TV still got great humour even with his illness nice one Billy legend 👍

He’s hilarious! His outfit reminds me of Beetlejuice, though. 😂

@elizabethkuchta5097

Жыл бұрын

B.J Seriously?

@XombieZach

Жыл бұрын

I was thinking, "Huh,this is what Beetlejuice must of been,before he died." 😂😂😂😂

Best comedian ever

Absolutely fabulous.

Legend of a comedian that never fails to make me laugh

Cameraman laughing at 2:02 🤣

@stephenmcconnell1000

2 жыл бұрын

That bit with the camera shaking was actually hilarious right enough

Genius comic at his peak .

You could have given Billy a phone directory and he would have you laughing hysterically within five minutes.

So impressive how he had a career so long over so many decades and even now hasn’t ever slipped up and been racist sexist etc and all these modern comedian complain about not being able to say what they want

@OffGridInvestor

2 жыл бұрын

Thats coz he retired before all that started.

@the_manchovie1795

2 жыл бұрын

Oh hes been sexist and racist but he's too cool to be cancelled 😎

"Errr i was errrr.......counting my willy's"!! pmsl

On yersel big yin 😁🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

This was the first time I laughed so hard I was in serious fucking pain. Serious pain.

To this day one of my favourite pieces of comedy

😂😂 love it 😂

Spotless!

Love ya Bigyin!!

Brilliant

Awesome a legend

I always go with: "I was just practicing my mantra."

Billy knows how to give a good belly laugh

He’s so much better when older like now.

The man a a legend 🙌

Still got this on vhs

My brother caught me w@nking to a topless bird on Minder 30-odd years ago. He's been weird towards me ever since.

I went to one of his shows when I was in early teens …..with my dad…..and Billy ….went there. It was ….awkward

"Get you the bugger away from there!" 😆

Good Lord I hadn't seen this in years! Such brilliance! Almost Alien.

OH MAN...I'VE TRIED TO TELL THAT SO MANY TIMES BUT A CANNIE DAE IT LIKE YOU. Brilliant stuff Billy. Seen you on a few YT films recently, but not for a few years. Great to see you pick the best. If itisnaeyou. Well done that fella...fellette...or whatever it is you choose to identify as. Lol///

When got asked i replied " I'm just shaking up my asthma inhaler" 😂😂😂

He laughs at his own jokes ,& so do we

It's Mine and I will wash it as fast as I like! TFS, GB :)

Being from the southern United States if always thought I spoke the English language badly until I listened to Billy do his version and then I realized I don't speak English I speak a strange variant of southern United States patios

When this was broadcast, Harold Shipman was knocking about

I met a men once in Tobermory . I was smacking my daughter for being wrong. The German said to me we don’t do that in Germany.i replied we don’t gas people in Scotland

@OffGridInvestor

2 жыл бұрын

That's a good one. Recently it's come out that the east germans were using PEDOS as foster "parents" because "they'd love the boys more". Trouble is, after reunification it continued REGARDLESS, RIGHT THRU to like 2005. German psychologists, particularly those in the 80s were SCREWED UP, doing some VERY twisted crap.

At least it pulls you thru

It takes a man to turn adolescent sniggering and anxiety into a really funny and entertaining joke. Billy may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but he has a first class honours degree in Manhood ! If only they taught this to you at school.

@tombrown4581

2 жыл бұрын

Oh he’s sharp all right! Where and how do you think his comedy derives?

@BDHO73

Жыл бұрын

Not the sharpest? Lol you’re kidding right?

Only Peter kay comes close to Billy, even watching this for the nth time cheers my day up.

@tehf00n

2 жыл бұрын

Peter Kay just repeats things you might remember and talks like you all have Northern family. It's sometimes funny but gets tired really quick. Billy is light years ahead of him in terms of comedy prowess.

@jaguarjamie45

2 жыл бұрын

Lee Evans beats Peter Kay in my opinion. But yeah Billy beats both if them any day.

@OffGridInvestor

2 жыл бұрын

I watched Peter Kay and the stuff just wasn't funny. Just funny impressions of daily stuff. Peter Kay is about Joe Rogan level of comedian. Not funny because I have much the same types of thoughts most days.

Ya big joabby!

As this is an old bit... I tried this when my dad walked in. Didn't work.

I'd like to hear where this ends up

Gonna tell my kids this was braveheart and beetlejuice.

2 dislikes???????? Sense of humour bypass ?????? What a crap depressing life you must live

@Flanaghan

2 жыл бұрын

Ten now… it’s spreading!

@mcdeezrfc

2 жыл бұрын

@@Flanaghan sad depressing individuals who have never been invited to a party in their lives cos they would spoil the fun. Probably the kind of folk Billy's referring to with the"i can't seem to get in there seems to be furniture piled against the door"🤣

@iainsutherland1113

2 жыл бұрын

Actual ‘wankers’ !!!

Drillers (exploration or blast hole) never deny it. they just tell you steer clear of the pink rag. AND if it looks like it is crying….it is probably full

Billy has wicked clothes

👋👋👋👋🤗

Whip the old tweeds down 😂😂

O now we've done it Halloween is just a round a corner 😈

Juust workin it out 😘

So very funny

Whacking off is definitely not a spectator sport 😂😂😂😂

It really is so funny that no one admits to it but we all know everyone does it. I suppose it’s the same as having a good crap. 😄

@robertwatson9940

11 ай бұрын

🎉🎉

@robbieoneil5945

9 ай бұрын

There's an old saying that We all joke about here in Australia & it's passed down from generation to generation, & it says "95% of Males, play with themselves, the other 5% are bloody liars".

The clip cuts before the punch line: - You should not interfere with yourself, but if you do, lay down on your hand for 10 minutes so it gets numb. Then interfere with yourself and it feels like somebody else doing it.

@deusvultpictures6550

Жыл бұрын

Sleeping beauty that's old, my mate's brother invented it. He and his mates used to be known as the 'Dead Hand Gang'

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

The inspiration for BeetleJuice if he was alive and a awesome dude lol

And after all that then you conclude with: “and after all that work getting rid of the spider, I found myself hard and started furiously mbating to calm myself down.”

Ay I was ehhhh...!

I honestly thought he was going to say he killed the spider by bonking it with his willie......

I thought the safest place to do the was in a shower but no, since then I was never invited to a baby shower :-(

Thank god your here 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Louis C.K. needs to watch this.

I saw a spider tonight .... awanking I will go