I told my ex let's talk and he said "here you go trying to argue" I was like wtf...

@ds41980

8 жыл бұрын

Me too. I could never say ANYTHING without him saying I was arguing and causing drama.

@misskayleebugs

8 жыл бұрын

That's what the guy I'm dating now does and I'm afraid to leave... Because he's brought my confidence and self esteem down so much...

@tamircohen1512

8 жыл бұрын

I'm a guy and some guys are such jerks. I'm sorry that we are interpreted like this and just know we are not all like that. You need to be the controlling person in the relationship and let him know who's boss. Bullies like him don't know how to respond when the victim stands up for themselves. Get out of the relationship before it gets more serious and tell him its over! I hope you get through this and I hope this helps. Good luck!

@mickyunit

7 жыл бұрын

my situation as well!!!

@tamircohen1512

7 жыл бұрын

Frank Slade haha :D I'm anything but a white night but I don't like people being childish and respectful either.

The most scary ones pretends to be the best/nicest only to reveal his true colors later, when u r most vulnerable around him.

@4elovechishe

Жыл бұрын

Yes! He always says "but we like each other to death". Don't answer for me dude...🙄 he tried to get to me through my mom saying he respects her even though they never met...I hate all this false goodness! I think he is trying to break me and then do whatever he wants with me. He said he needs a little break. I said ok but I moved on 😀

@bostonb1636

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!!

@samyukthadevi8076

7 ай бұрын

How to figure it out such people 😢? Please send advice

@LovelyJ_reh

2 ай бұрын

LEGIT

From time to time I come back to this video to evaluate my relationships. Notes for myself... 5 indicators of toxic people 1. In an argument they look to inflict damage (try to protect themselves), not solve problems. Matt gave an example of how they behave revengefully like in a scorpion mode. 2. They treat everything like it's an attack. When you come to them about something you are not happy with in a civil and rational way and choose your words carefully, you'll find they will meet you with aggression. 3. They make you the root of all evil whenever there's a problem. They become very good manipulators. They can make you believe and convince you things are your fault that have nothing to do with you. Proximity is power. Those accusations, their belief system will eventually get through you. You will begin believe that and it will erode your confidence overtime. 4. They'll show you the most love when you are hurt. When you are at your lowest ebb and they realise they have broken you completely, then they'll give you love because at that point they feel they are safe to do so. Because in the moments when you're feeling strong, they're feeling weak. 5. They get uncomfortable with your success. They will belittle your ambitions. They make you feel unworthy even when you are doing well. They will try and denigrate what you have achieved because they prefer you when you are weak. They get either aggressive and viscous by making you feel guilty or they get detached as if they don't care and get distant from you. Love you Matt ❤❤

@RedRose-jz3uf

Жыл бұрын

The 4th omg i had that so many Times that's why i say hé is always there when im on my darkst

@baeawomi1279

Жыл бұрын

I can relate this in my previous relationship. Really it's really distract my mind and make me stress. Now I am staying single and happy Thank you

@Ivonah

Жыл бұрын

My bf doesn’t make effort anymore..he stopped saying “i love you” from the blue, less emojies, he doesn’t trying Like he has to “win me over” again, he never Text me long meaningful texts even when I tell him and he also doesn’t Compliment me Like he used to…even when I told him,he only Thinks about work its his first priority and not me..and also he doesn’t Like when I have male friends…should I give him na ultimatum because I’ve been waiting for him to change and there is no change seen whatsoever…he spends time with me until 10 pm and then he says he is tired and Wants to sleep,he gets Mad when I want him to Stay a little longer even on special days..what do I do?

@imperfectcircle7313

Жыл бұрын

@@Ivonah @IvonA ❤ Detach as soon as possible!! You need to stop texting or caring or telling him what you are up to. I had the same problem and i ended up fighting n breaking up n now im hurt. You can detach before things go bad so it doesnt hurt as much as it hurt me. He is clearly devaluing you and lost his love for you. Ignore him and move on . Let him deal with a life without a caring beautiful girlfriend I assure you he will regret losing you!

@Ivonah

Жыл бұрын

@@imperfectcircle7313 aww thank you so so much 💗💗 We worked things together he is trying to be better 😊 if he suddenly changes again I will use your advice Thank you anyways 🤍

Toxic people don’t always show love when they have broken you. Mine just walks away.

@olympiancss

3 жыл бұрын

"Mine" ?? You're still with them??

@miraculousladybugtoytime4053

3 жыл бұрын

Same here

@jasminevankessel8912

3 жыл бұрын

Mine says “yeah go cry like a baby and act like I did something wrong and cause drama you childish baby” 😀

@GaletteDuRouet

2 жыл бұрын

@@jasminevankessel8912 Same

@carolwatts944

2 жыл бұрын

So true, so true. When I was 63, my husband of 23 years left me. He never got mad. He just got increasingly cold, deaf and dumb to my entreaties for talking/counseling, and said, as he walked out the door, “I never meant to hurt you.” … Yeh - right. He never told me why he left other than, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Of course, I took on all the blame, because I was programmed to do that as a child. I’m finding it increasingly difficult to trust people & find that isolation feels more friendly, even tho I know that’s a trap, too.

If you feel like you're in a toxic relationship, please get out of it. I stayed in one for a long time because I hoped things would change and I wanted this person and all their good qualities to shine through so we could have a healthy relationship. That person was sometimes there, but I'd have to endure all the pain, manipulation and anxiety of everything you've mentioned in this video. It really took a tole on my mental health and after the relationship ended it took me a while to feel like myself again and feel strong. Please don't let anyone break you. I started to see the world from his perspective and not my own.

@sarahcisneros3079

7 жыл бұрын

Lily Beth haha. I feel like we are friends. Took me a long time too, to leave. So glad I did

@raffacasting

7 жыл бұрын

I think like this. When we are in a relation we cant imagine we will be able to Love someone like we love this person. Big mistake. Your love you carry with you wherever you go. If you took your love to a place " a person" that at start accept it completly and you was enoght for him or her and later on just reject you and started to be toxic is a mistake think you never will be able to share the same or even bigger connection with someone else. If you are full of love is a quality on you and is a mistake put good things in a toxic thing. Ask for a good winemaker to put his best wines in a glass with acid. He never would do such a stupid decision. If you value the love you are you will respect yourself enoght to share with someone qualified to apreciate it.

@MrLegograbber99

7 жыл бұрын

Lily Beth it's so hard to get out of that situation though 😞 I find my self saying why am I with this person but I still stay with her .

@LilyBeth096

7 жыл бұрын

I know it's so hard. This hardest part I found was actually admitting it to myself. Deep down I knew something wasn't right but I CHOSE to ignore my intuition. The world is so big. It might not seem like it right now but a relationship really isn't that important, at least in comparison to what people make it out to be. Focusing on yourself and growing in your life and owning it is often hard to do if the relationship isn't right. I promise things will get better. Just listen to your intuition even if everything is telling you to hang on. It's the familiarity of the relationship that keeps us with that person. We're afraid of the unknown so we stay with what we know. I hope things work out for you.

@raffacasting

7 жыл бұрын

Lily Beth Read the book : The Chimp Paradox and another book that is made for man but can be a ligth for woman too the name is The Way of Superior man. There are some bs in the bok but for real some stuff he says is real deal.

The sad part of this video is that realizing that you are the toxic one. :( Whoa! Thank you for all the support guys, still struggling but we'll get there! :)

@youlovemedontyou2729

6 жыл бұрын

Joya Teves honestly if that's the case .. it's amazing! Because now you know and now you might be able to change small habits and your partner will see that. Literally the only thing I wish for is that my partner might some day realize his abusive behavior... So great first step! Please don't give up on yourself

@user-lm1ps2eh4d

6 жыл бұрын

Joya Teves no if you think about it that's actually the best part, because now you're aware of your behavior and just being aware of it will make you a bit less toxic.

@mostwanted8201

6 жыл бұрын

Joya Teves people improve just start working on yourself and you will have succes i went trough it all and i know you can change if you want to.

@joya8241

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for all your support. 💕

@makkeduff4659

6 жыл бұрын

i found out too late that Im the toxic one

I didn't even realize that I was loving a man like that, but when Matthew said walking on egg shells, that was an eye opener for me.

@kabani50000

4 жыл бұрын

It was the same for me, but it was when he spoke about the "Revenge" to hurt you

3 things to remember: - A toxic person doesn’t necessarily mean a bad person - This applies to every relationship, not just romantic ones - This also applies to yourself. You can be the toxic one and you may not realise. Thanks for this video Matt!

@olgaz4927

3 жыл бұрын

Toxic person = bad person

@vishwajeetnandyaduraj4804

3 жыл бұрын

@@olgaz4927 nope, toxic is relative

@olgaz4927

3 жыл бұрын

@@vishwajeetnandyaduraj4804 how can a toxic person be a good person lmao?

@olgaz4927

3 жыл бұрын

@@vishwajeetnandyaduraj4804 how can a toxic person be a good person lmao?

@moncoeurpourvous

3 жыл бұрын

@@olgaz4927 Toxic traits can be due to trauma that the other person has not resolved. it doesn't make it alright but it doesn't mean they are a bad person. that is a very black and white way of looking at things.

Toxic people also hate confrontation, they don't like to hear what they did wrong.They’ll make you feel guilty for bringing it up and end with lines to make you be quiet or act like that they don't care to weaken your arguement. Id always call out on his bs but was made to feel like I was the one doing and bringing the 'drama' when actually he was deliberately hurting me! Made me feel pathetic for feeling upset, and was more focused on ending conversations acting like he doesn’t care! Toxic people avoid being told off ,than to actually make things right. They’ll use this twisting tactic to make YOU feel like you're the crazy one. Remember that your feelings are valid no matter what! Never let anyone devalue you in any kind of way. I learnt this the hard way, even after everything he simply just never gave a shit. This video is so important, the affects of a toxic person really is unhealthy and can fuck you in the head. I promise that someone that truly loves you will always try with you listen to you and try to make things right so that ends meet. They would never put you in a situation of doubt or where you have to question your self worth!

@KiaraBhanushali

8 жыл бұрын

everything you said matches my situation

@snowqueen24

8 жыл бұрын

If you complain to people about the toxic people you hang with, you become toxic yourself.

@KiaraBhanushali

8 жыл бұрын

true

@connect2christin94

8 жыл бұрын

I was in almost gonna be in toxic relationship then and I met someone who was okay first person who was married too and he was cheating on me when he had his wife and basically destroy trying to ripped the happiness from me and the guy I like telling him he can't come over were never gonna work out or telling me what to do basically he got what he wanted me and him never spoke again but his head somewhere else Idk he's an ass he wasn't good person for me anyways and the other person was he wanted to be in relationship with me but I didn't want too because I was dealing with my dad death still am i think people from work trigger more dapression why can't they understand what I'm going through why can't they leave me alone for my grieving mourning instead pushing me away pushing my buttons and his family in it I thought I would be dating brother son not his whole family who wanted know our business telling them I'm no good I'm damage goods I'm petty im breaking someone heart when he knows were not official I haven't even Said anything making me feel the bad guy I don't like it its in my head constantly since I quit that job that job wasn't good either seeing everyone true colors like I'm dealing with my dad passing away you guys are giving me shit negativity it isn't healthy I'm hurt by everyone who I work with and hurt from the one who like me I saw him as a friend he started to be like them he was one of them his family making rumors about me saying I was wrapping him on my finger when he was coming to me telling me he has feelings for me like whatever trying to convince him that it was true when it wasn't I'm pretty hurt by everyone in that job field

@connect2christin94

8 жыл бұрын

+Natasha Dichpan bunch of fuck up shit that happen to me in the past

A toxic narcissist, run as far as you can, they will damage your mental and emotional health. X

@missdarkhumour2222

5 жыл бұрын

Dee Irish Exactly. What he’s describing is a narcissist. They are more than just toxic ppl. They inflict serious damage.

@RealLifefunny81

4 жыл бұрын

Dee Irish amen!!!

@FinnickH

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed! Started dating a narcissist 6 years ago, got out of the relationship 3 years ago and I'm still recovering from that. For instance I often take things as being hurtful when my boyfriend tells me something when in fact they aren't at all, just because I got so used to being gaslighted and belittled... I still assume the worst because my ex used to bring everything bad in me all the time. Everything I did was bad, from my clothing style to my hair, my face, my weight, my cooking, my work, everything! So now I'm always in "defense mode" because I automatically assume that my partner is not meaning well... I am working on this and it's getting better but it's just to say that a person like this can fuck you up in no time, and it'll take years to recover fully.

@DinaStrange

4 жыл бұрын

yes, my ex. totally damage you and suck you of everything good or productive. btw, my mother is a narc as well..so it makes it way harder.

@Tojoj22

4 жыл бұрын

NoContact

This evening I went on a date with a guy who started displaying toxic behaviour, sort of gaslighting me or trying to. I was having none of that so I told him I wanted to go home. He then said that he would not take me back because I'd insulted him!? Apparently telling him I how I felt about how he spoke to me counts as an insult! 🤷🏻‍♀️ So there I was, on the other side of town, didn't know the neighbourhood, didn't have a mask to wear on public transport and I was wearing heels! I managed to get home around 11pm after 1h40 of public transport, using a tissue as a mask and with a broken shoe, bloody foot and knee. Then I look at my phone and the the guy had texted me "You're disrespectful. Goodbye" Bright side is, I dodged a bullet! I still feel pretty shook up and sore though, so much that I can't sleep. Somehow this video helped me feel better, it helped me to understand my "ordeal".

@ashleyz4888

3 жыл бұрын

I wish I knew the signs. I would have done what you did... you’re so lucky.

@Valoelify

3 жыл бұрын

@@ashleyz4888 How was she lucky? She had a bloody foot and knee by the end...

@mollystalk8373

3 жыл бұрын

Iam sorry you went through that but happy it didn't progress to anyway

@mollystalk8373

3 жыл бұрын

@@Valoelify lucky as in the relationship ended before getting to marriage. That's lucky right there most people in relationships are stuck with this

@onetimedream

2 жыл бұрын

Life did you a favor right away 👌🏻

"When they realise they've been able to break you, thats when they show love" i felt that

1)In a disgreement they try to inflict damage/sweep things under the rug. 2) they treat everything like an attack no matter how logical and calm you are-now you're walking on eggshells 3) they make you the root of all evil-in denial and blame you instead. 4) they will show you the most love when you're hurt-cause they cannot stand when you're happy, confident, strong and secure 5) they hate your success Wow well my lifemate just happens to be the 1st 3. 😕😞 5)

@afshah.7972

5 жыл бұрын

First Lady Queen my partner also does the first 3 out of the 5

@firstladyqueen5985

5 жыл бұрын

@@afshah.7972 sad! I had to kick mine to the curb.

@afshah.7972

5 жыл бұрын

First Lady Queen well done! I must do this as soon as I feel a bit stronger in my heart

@firstladyqueen5985

5 жыл бұрын

@@afshah.7972 thanks it was Not easy though aka I did Not do it cause I hated him. I did it for self-preservation. P.s. take your time or not it is up to you. 😊

@rickmaynard2828

5 жыл бұрын

Oh my God I know exactly what you're talkin about my wife no matter how logical it is when you try to talk to her she makes a big deal out of it and goes off the deep end and wants to fight you come in from work you're happy but yet you're walking on eggshells because the slightest little thing you do will trip them out I never thought men could be abused emotionally but they can my wife has abused me and I can tell you some Tales ofwhat she's done and you wouldn't believe it

“I don’t care how strong your frame of reference is. I don’t care how strong your confidence is. Those comments, those accusations, their belief systems will eventually get through.” This. So much this.

@cathy5301

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed ....it erodes your sensible nature gradually

@jinaneaboumrad

4 жыл бұрын

true

@danecca6635

2 жыл бұрын

True

Wow! EVERY SINGLE THING you said describes my ex. I’m going through the no contact phase right now. He has accused me of everything under the sun and it’s crap he made up in his own head and the scary thing is.. he honestly believes it!

@tinahiggins2932

2 жыл бұрын

I know this is a really old video. but OMG same thing I'm going though.. made up all kinds of crazyness in his head. it was so off I don't know how he even believes it... was married to this man for 2 and a half years with him 5 he begged me to marry him. then made up all kinds of lies that he believes and kicked me to the curb.. it's nuts feel so much better being away from him.. but still find myself going over it in my head... because I can't make sense of any of it. he will not even talk about. just sick...

@user-yf7jx3rk1z

2 жыл бұрын

Going through this same thing. He is insistent I did these very specific things when I know I never did anything of the sort

100% agree. I lost all my confidence when dating my ex. I felt incredibly anxious and feeling that I was doing everything wrong. It took me a few years to figure out what was toxic behavior from myself and from him. I wanted to become a stronger person and heal myself. Know the areas where I needed to work on and areas that my ex was just manipulating the situation. The longer you stay in that dynamic, the harder it is on your psyche.

@mihb9116

Жыл бұрын

Just like me, I totally agree with you. And in the end he said I was the toxic person , because I was asking for attention and care because im Pregnant... he didnt cared and when I found out he was going to a festival 3 days after the breakup with the car I gave him I got really upset at him . And still he mistreated me and said terrible stuffs

If he tells you that you just want to argue when your trying to resolve an issue, dump him.

@jennifee1750

4 жыл бұрын

Learned this the hard way

@blackhole4

4 жыл бұрын

Naw y’all females b crazy

@margomazzeo1680

3 жыл бұрын

@@blackhole4 stfu..troll.

@sg3-love

3 жыл бұрын

🥺

@sautrah

3 жыл бұрын

it's true. also learned this the hard way

When you feel strong they feel weak..

@atlas3732

4 жыл бұрын

Vice Versa

@darrenthewaren5151

4 жыл бұрын

Last girl I dated on Jan for the month and the first one in a while exhibited most of these signs.

@itskitty808

4 жыл бұрын

You're supposed to feel strong together.

@faezehmousavi8260

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly! That's why they are trying to knock you down and prevent success in your life. If your family is toxic you are going to have a hard time dealing with them. It takes so much energy from you and you might get physically and emotionally ill. Don't be ashamed to asked for help from professionals and some one you might trust well.

@penelopeplimsoul3617

3 жыл бұрын

Words from the wise.

The toxic person will leave you if they fail to break you, of course at the end you will hear what a bad person you were 🙈 Thank you for your video xx

@studiotwo24

Жыл бұрын

Exactly !

I had all these indications, I was patient, tried to understand everything, tried talking, tried loving more without any reciprocation . No doubt he ended it miserably but more than that it has damaged my self worth my self respect n confidence in terms of love. It does a lot of damage to us. I am such s confident woman everywhere but when it comes to him I don't know why I feel powerless. Our relationship was great initially I miss all that, I wish my life gets better n I get what I deserve.

@abegail8624

4 жыл бұрын

Oh my, really seems so familiar with our situation. We just broken up also few weeks ago.

@salonap4675

3 жыл бұрын

I hope you're feeling and doing better now ❤️ I'm going through the exact same thing as you described at the moment 😔

The moment when you realise the relationship you have is exactly this.

@chelseaember

6 жыл бұрын

Vivien Wang This. Aaaaand that you have no idea how to "create the environment to heal your partner" so that they can feel strong and like they can become great Nooooo clue whatsoever because his default method of feeling strong and great is..... Making you feel less than strong, and weak Need more advice on exactly how to try to help them heal

@haleyskye2791

6 жыл бұрын

Same for me, I love him and never want to loose him but it’s just like this

@eslack7702

6 жыл бұрын

#ThatMomentofPower

@Heatherlily

6 жыл бұрын

Me too. I ended it tonight and I got no response.

@dani238159

5 жыл бұрын

RUN. Seriously. I wish you the best.

They also pick fights & get triggered easily

@freeforall6427

4 жыл бұрын

Nina They push you, you retaliate, and they wanna cry and portray you to be the monster to your friends and fam.

@hlomphotilotsane4199

4 жыл бұрын

I'm currently facing such situations...my partner calls me liar an pick a fight over every little thing I do . If I don't do things the way he wants

@ChillAssTurtle

4 жыл бұрын

@@hlomphotilotsane4199 hes crazy but youre insane for sticking around.

@tabbylivvy

4 жыл бұрын

Yessssssssss

@bugeye8749

4 жыл бұрын

Oops that me lol

This is already 5.5 years old, and it's still my go-to resource when a friend is ina toxic relationship but can't find words to define it. Thank you for making this, it is clear & kind & empowering.

This helps a lot. I see all these signs in my 12 year long relationship. I see that I have to go through with separation, but it is so hard. I think I am going to watch this video multiple times a day now to let the truth really sink in into my heart.

@sunnyray4065

Жыл бұрын

How are you doing now?

I just broke up with my boyfriend over some of these reasons. I was sad on the night that I did it but honestly after that I have felt such a huge sense of relief. I know that I made the right decision and I am so much happier without him. I'm grateful for the relationship because I learned so many things from it. I should never have to ask someone to show me he loves me. I should never have to feel like I'm walking on egg shells when I talk to him about an issue. I should not have to be afraid of bringing up an issue because he will blow it out of proportion and make it about something totally different. I did everything I could to keep our communication open and to bring up issues just like you said, not as an attack, but "Hey, this is an issue, how can we fix it so that we're both happy?" I even said flat out "I am not attacking you" but he just always took it as an attack. I'll stop ranting but I am so relieved because that relationship was a dark cloud over my life and I am excited to move on

@EmilyGiuffre

9 жыл бұрын

Good or you Haley! I did the same thing. I was sad at first also but after a short while RELIEF and FREEDOM!

@HaHaHaLMFAOtv

9 жыл бұрын

I dated a toxic gyu for two years. Almost everything that Matthew said sound like him. Ecxept the last part. But yea, for two weeks i felt sad but i always knew it was right desision to make and now, after a year, im dating the sweetest man in world. :) hope it will last

@AnnaHeey

9 жыл бұрын

I've just had the same thing. My boyfriend actually broke up with me, but I think I'm happier without him. :)

@JennaIce

9 жыл бұрын

Exact same situation I'm in. I am finally out of it and am so much happier. Being with him destroyed my health on so many levels. I won't get into it but this might be the end of me seriously. Had I listened to everyone else and not my own stubborn heart I wouldn't be in the situation I am now. He used to beat me, almsot killed me a few times, cheated on me more times then I can count. He begs me to stay with him still to this day texts me non stop hes on drugs now. In the begining it seemed perfect. He is so handsome, a professional volley ball player, went to college, looks the part. But is so insanely psychotic. Not to mention my health part is now destroyed... so hearing your comment is making me stay strong. Knowing other people are going through the same thing. I feel such a relief being away from him. I have been read the Bible and God has pulled me close to him during this time. I suggest getting in touch with your spirituality. It helps soooo much. It keeps me sane.

@EmilyGiuffre

9 жыл бұрын

Jenna Ice My heart goes to you. But this is not the end of you girl! The more you start taking care of you, the better you will feel all around. Don't ever settle again and take care of you first! Hugs to you girl!

Truly toxic person doesn’t show love even when you’re hurt. They take pleasure from it. They have no empathy. And all people who have empathy show love when someone is hurt and that doesn’t make them toxic. However they also show love when you don’t hurt.

@manjulanilsson6011

4 жыл бұрын

You're describing a psychopath or covert narcissist. That's a run for your life, change phone number, cut out entirely from your life type of person.

@MrLoowiz

3 жыл бұрын

That's a sadist, not a toxic person. Don't mix up the labels, it's bad enough we have them.

@MrLoowiz

3 жыл бұрын

@@manjulanilsson6011 A psychopath not always take pleasure from the pain of others, they just don't feel any empathy at all (and usually don't care about what other people think).

@ps9902

3 жыл бұрын

Omg...he did that...knew I was hurt...didn’t consult me...just hurt me more

@windanatasya4485

3 жыл бұрын

Yes. When I am hurt and beg to him, he never console me. He will only come back when I am almost move on and forget him.

Honestly watching this video, I began to think about the things in the relationship with my boyfriend. He continuously tells me when we get into arguments that it feels like a loop, and that it diminishes the good times we have together. There are a number of toxic traits in this video I noticed he had, but more importantly I've noticed that I have. I need to work on it, and I think I'll bring it up today non-confrontational like because it's something we both need to work on. After all, even when we fight and things get tough, I couldn't think of anybody else I'd want to be with.

I was in a relationship like this when I was 23-25. Now I'm 37,5 and haven't been in a relationship since 25, bc I'm too scared getting involved with anyone and I believe I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone. I have built a self confidence since that relationship, loving myself, but I'm still too afraid to let anyone in to my life, so I just don't date at all.

@thecakefather

2 жыл бұрын

I feel your pain but you shouldn’t allow one experience to possibly destroy 100 beautiful ones. I’ll tell you exactly what I tell my 31 and 30 year old daughters. Do you research. If you like someone or feel like you could like them, go on social media and look them up. If they don’t have any social media unless he has a great excuse might be the first red flag. As cop friends about the person, background checks are awesome. Go out on a date with them. See how they behave. Engage in conversation while interjecting questions you may have without making it sound like you’re interrogating him. Men don’t come with a warning label 🏷 but men who are no good always come with warning signs. But most women ignore them.

@studiotwo24

Жыл бұрын

Same...

the problem is that I feel soooooo tired due to my toxic relationship Idont even wont to get into another relationship because iam feeling exhausted

@SEAJME

4 жыл бұрын

same :[[[[[[ wtf

@user-qw9fq9vb5c

4 жыл бұрын

Then break up and learn to be alone :). Being alone can be really relaxing and amazing if you learn to love yourself. I’m in that process rn and it is definitely so much better than being in a toxic relationship

@amandarecoveryjones8216

4 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way. Don't get into a new just take care of you and enjoy

@carolloraine223

4 жыл бұрын

narimane amour Same here! I'm no contact and taking care of myself! Hope you're doing well!

@ttaylor8239

4 жыл бұрын

I completely understand. Just left my dude after 6 years after yet another violent tirade. If you haven't heard Halseys "Nightmare " You should. That line "I don't owe you a God da## thing!" Priceless. Take one day at a time, it takes time to heal after this kind of a situation. So many of us stand with you. 2020 is the year empaths get rid of narcissistic people in our lives. We got this!

I believe there is also a number 6 and 7: 6: That person puts his own needs first at all time. He does not value or respect your boundaries, he has little understanding for your needs and gets you to tend his, even though he gives little. He gives just enough for you not to walk away and invest even more. (He might even blame you for not taking good care of him, being selfish or needy.) 7: He pulls away: he is emotionally unavailable. This leaves you in the cold. It's like giving a silent treatment. It is very damaging. Withholding someone from love, attention or affection is one of the most toxic things to do. It is at the root of self loathing, self doubt and emotional instability. Again, a person may give you just enough to stay in the relationship but punishes you when things don't go his way using this 'tool'. Both these signs give you a feeling of being schizophrenic. It leaves you so flabbergasted that you don't know what hit you. It happens so skillfully and sneaky that it's even hard to put a finger on: if you were to try and tell another person it would seem ridiculous. That's how deep this toxic goes: it is not visible for the naked eye.

@louiseknight358

9 жыл бұрын

Yes you're right adding those. That's exactly the way it was for me. He pulled away emotionally but gave me just enough to keep me. I felt mad and it broke my heart. I couldn't understand what was happening. Now I do.

@navibailey3329

9 жыл бұрын

Don't forget the silent treatments.. I has a relationship with all of these mentioned in the video. As well as what you mentioned. Then add to it all, he would be "busy", or we would have our conversation me trying to find a solution for both of us, and thinking we got somewhere and then Boom silent treatment. It got into a pattern that when you don't address it right away gets worse. Anyone giving you the silent treatment is wrong. It's a manipulative decision to hurt you and exert pain.

@pawssum

9 жыл бұрын

I don't think those are actually toxic things, per se. I mean, it's not that those are good qualities in a relationship, but toxic means, it makes you feel bad about yourself, and destroys your sense of self, your esteem, your life, your morals, etc. Those are just shitty behaviors you listed, but they don't necessarily undermine you as a person.

@1aboor

9 жыл бұрын

Biene van Huizen you are absolutely right...

@janebeatty2010

9 жыл бұрын

deathlightdb. I have to disagree with the "bad behavior" assessment. The silent treatment is pure manipulation and showing passive-aggressive dominance in the relationship. It's giving the manipulator power over the other person. They are refusing to talk it out and only want things their way. It's toxic because it is demeaning and destroys.

Walking on egg shells, discouraging speech or act when go well is one thing I experienced and also receiving love when I'm at my worst. I was in a toxic relationship for 4 years and thought out the time he made me question myself if I was good enough for him. I blamed myself and my insecurities for everytime things went south. I could never even go to him for emotional support at my worst times worrying about he saying something more hurtful. Like this one time when my uncle passed unexpectedly and I had to cancel on him. He accused me of lying and chucked the call saying *enjoy urself*. This wrecked my confidence and made me shut my self off emotionally. I felt worthless for months. I didn't even realise how damaged I was untill my family started to notice how I was distancing my self from everyone. It was Mathew Hussey's videos that I understood and realised the concept of toxic relationships. In the begining I thought I was the toxic one . It took a good while for me to understand it wasn't my fault. There was just no way to please and make him happy. It has taken for me over 7 months to get back in track and open up to people again. I'm still healing and slowing gaining my confidence back but still haven't gotten strong enough to try dating anyone. People!!! , toxic people play the victim in all the situation and this will slowly drain u out. Stay alert and notice early signs. We don't even realise how deeply things like this affect us. I really appreciate ur work Hussey. Thank u

@littleredhen8205

3 жыл бұрын

I'm crying rn. This is me.

I feel like you know my spouse. Thank you. It’s refreshing to hear this from someone else. Makes me feel like I’m not going crazy.

"They can make you believe that things are your fault that have nothing to do with you." Boy do I remember this one. The person I was married to would not rest until I showed anger. That smirk of satisfaction when I raised my voice haunts me sometimes to this very day even though it's been many years. Toxic people are in the relationship to win. They are not in the relationship to build a family or share life with you. Make no mistake about it.

People like this never get anything resolved. I went in circles with my ex on so many situations. Its mind boggling how someone can be so oblivious to their own wrong doings. It was like talking to the wall sometimes with her. It makes me so sad to know that people like this will most likely never change.

@TheBeggies95

6 жыл бұрын

They never change

@rossalindhorne6332

6 жыл бұрын

I'm so with you. The great pretenders...

@panama2468

2 жыл бұрын

I remember a quote that says something along the lines, "its amazing how difficult it is for someone to understand something, when they are paid to not understand it". These ppl thrive of bringing others down. Why would they ever stop

A TOXIC PERSON: 1. Inflicts damage rather than resolves issues. It’s the toxic person’s protective mode. 2. Treats everything like an attack by you. Toxic person is defensive. It feels like you are walking on eggshells. 3. Blames it all on you. You are the root of all evil. Never admits his/ her fault and never brings positive changes in him/ her. Good manipulators. 4. Shows you love only when you are broken down by him/ her. Toxic person feels safe to show you love once he/ she has won. 5. Uncomfortable with your achievements. Berates you (not the same as constructive criticism), aggressive, or becomes distant from you and gives you less love!

This is actually true of even same sex platonic friends as well. I've broken off such platonic relationships because of the constant toxicity. What's the absolute worst is the narcissist who is simultaneously the perpetrator AND the victim.

I was in this kind of marriage for 11 years. We destroyed each other and it ended badly. BUT -- I am a better woman for it. I don't regret it, not even for a minute. Have hope, if you're in this kind of relationship, you can grow from it. I'm living proof. Being in a toxic relationship made me realize the kind of woman I didn't want to be, which made me realize the kind of woman I DID want to be. He was a master manipulator and I didn't know how to do anything else other than fight back. 3 years later (and many hours with a psychologist - no shame!) I can safely say that I am a better woman, just for another man. I love me now, and I wouldn't be at this point if it weren't for what I went through being in that marriage.

@GUITARTIME2024

8 жыл бұрын

very refreshing post.

@jt5452ohio

8 жыл бұрын

+EssenceRose3 I learned the same thing. I feel confident that I will not behave badly in the future if in a relationship again. To this day, the bad marriage haunts me because I figured I could shout my way into being treated better which didn't work, of course. If anything I played right into her hands and am forever the jerk in many people's minds (even people I care about very much). I now know that I was being manipulated all along and not really loved at all. It is great to know that I cannot be manipulated like that again. Accepting the losses were difficult at first. Some of it broke my heart. But, I learned and am living a good life now with healthy friendships. I am taking my time, but I hope one of those friendships will one day lead to marriage. I am ready now and confident that I won't fall into the same pattern again. Thanks for your post, Essence. It is too easy to just blame the toxic manipulator and not learn how our own reactions to them contributed to the problem. I am better off without them, but I may not have learned had I not known them. Thanks again, EssenceRose3.

My ex and I never argued, we discussed and negotiated. It was absolutely amazing and wonderful. We didn't work out for other reasons, but I learned a great relationship skill

Every person should watch this. ❤ We're all guilty of a tad of this sometimes, but sometimes we come across people who are so broken that they can't feel good unless we feel bad. Such a great clip for recognizing these patterns both in ourselves and in others.

This is SO true, I literally have been in relationships just like this and I have dealt with all of these things. It's so nice to finally know and be aware of what to look out for when you are entertaining a relationship! Thank you for all that you do.

My bf is such a toxic person ......being in a relationship with him had made me toxic too ..

@chasemcclintock1713

4 жыл бұрын

Love Live I was just thinking the same. Idk who was first in mine. I would relate it to her and then be like, well I did this and that too. If I’m toxic then I wanna work on that. If it was her or a combination that made it that way. I want to deal with it accordingly, too. Oh well.

@melissaverdoni845

4 жыл бұрын

THIS !!! they make you toxic as a defense.

@kawai1919

4 жыл бұрын

@@melissaverdoni845 yes.. exactly

@midotvadventure504

4 жыл бұрын

Love Live lol

@iammaximus614

4 жыл бұрын

Stay Away!.... Satan! 👿 Every time I say in my Heart of Hearts & Mind the NPD goes 🤬👎🏽

It’s called “ Being in a relationship with a narcissist.”

@giuliana8478

4 жыл бұрын

Some people do this without even being a narcissistic, just manipulative

@sashanabrown4085

4 жыл бұрын

JCisKING I’m with one right now and guess what he 23 yrs older than me

@NanzNaturally

4 жыл бұрын

10000000%

@bazlfc12

4 жыл бұрын

5 and half years with one 3 months narc free

@bazlfc12

4 жыл бұрын

She just made contact 5 days ago telling me she love me still so confused 😕

So true. You’re also talking about the traits of a narcissist and how that affects you. It normalizes it to hear that others experience this too. Thank you.

Nailed it! This lecture reminds me of many scenarios in my life. A person that builds up others and shows love is a beautiful soul in my eyes. We all fall short but tomorrow is a new day. Everyday is a blessing with or without your spouse, parent, friend etc.

Thats my ex. He would always INSULT during the argument. I will try to talk about how can we practically solve the issue, and he would insult, insult and call me ugly names. Finally, you just blow up. And they get happy because nothing got solved and they can continue their insane, ugly behavior. If only I knew about toxic behavior before.

@nessauk2786

4 жыл бұрын

Yes I've just been there !

@cp2342

4 жыл бұрын

so disgusting how some men can be I’m glad I’ve never gotten into those relationships but at least you left him some woman still stay stuck and it’s sad some men go through it with woman as well but I wish more people would leave those relationships

@Izzy-cw6iv

4 жыл бұрын

Dina Strange Mine insults me, blames me for all the issues of the relationship and throws things at me.

@atlas3732

4 жыл бұрын

That's immaturity not toxicity, do a better job of picking and courting your mates.

@Izzy-cw6iv

4 жыл бұрын

Divine Lion STFU I’m sure you have no foundation to speak on such matters.

This advice is helpful not just in a boyfriend-girlfriend context. This applies to family relationships too. I often argue with my Dad after i call him out on his bad behaviour. I am always kind, calm and constructive in my words with him but he maintains an aggressive response by saying something nasty. Eg he'll bring up a completely unrelated issue that we dealt with and moved on from years ago coz he thinks it's a "one-up" game. He is toxic

@jessicalee163

5 жыл бұрын

Landie Marie I have a similar problem with some of my family members. They exhibit toxic behavior

@clancyjones1317

5 жыл бұрын

Ye I found that this doesn't relate to my bf but more to my mum and dad

@millag93

4 жыл бұрын

Sometimes parents are toxic and don't love you :( I know and can relate.

@monicanath4859

4 жыл бұрын

Tell me about it! Families are the worst and the police and the medical system take their side! How many times will I get arrested and investigated? I am so happy to make others happy but today I am there only for myself now! My family members did everything but they did not succeed! They are kicking themselves right now!

Spot on! It's abusive and no one deserves to be treated that way. Thank you Matthew! 💕

Hi Matthew. Every single point in this video resonated with me directly, and it was so spot on. Took me 4 years to really see the type of relationship I was in, but once I “saw” it I couldn’t unsee it - and it made me sick to be around him. Healing from the breakup has been quite a challenge; coming to terms with the fact that I was lied to and manipulated by someone so close to me all those years, but I’ve come out so much stronger and happier (and, aware!). Thanks for helping to spread awareness, because knowledge really is power in this situation.

I've been with a toxic person for 2 years. He used to manipulate me in so many ways. Whenever he did a mistake and i'd bring it up so we can discuss the issue, he would get aggressive and blame me. I found myself apologizing so many times even when it wasn't my fault. He lied to me all the time and when i showed that i don't believe he would make me feel bad because i don't trust him. He would never show enough love unless i was crying and standing on the edge of a breakdown. It's like he was happy to see me like that. I loved him too much and i always hoped he would change and we can be happy together. But guess what, he never did. He probably won't ever change. That's just the way some people are and what's worse is that they feel happy that way. I left him many times but he manipulated me into getting back saying he will change. This time, i left for real. I deserve so much better and no idiot is going to destroy me. So please, if you are with this kind of a person, RUN. And if you are this kind of a person, please try to change. There's a good side of you which you have to let shine.

@JonasAnandaKristiansson

6 жыл бұрын

This is so damn relatable. Never again! :)

@TheIllestNails93

6 жыл бұрын

Hitting home...i got tired of him always saying I was always the victim when I'd bring up his behavior or my feelings. NEVER NEVER EVER AGAIN.

@africacarey

5 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you wrote this because I'm in a similar situation except I live in Las Vegas and he lives in Canada and I've been coming down to Canada for two years for this guy that's angry and every time he says he's sorry for the things he does I just take him back.. then it will be good until there's another argument the communication is horrible and I started to feel like I was doing something wrong because I changed in the relationship for him and he never did for me he is such an angry person and started to make me feel depressed because it's so much negativity around so now I left him for good but I'm really sad because I really thought that this person was going to be my husband and I wanted his baby but I was thinking do I want to live a life like that for every time something happens he goes off on people who talks about fighting people he's mean to me when we have a disagreement

@veronika7003

5 жыл бұрын

Viktorija Hadzismileva hey. I’m going through this now. He is so nice and lovely and I see how nice it can be but he got bad temper so I’m scared. I don’t think they change. They got comfortable again and they play the same game again x

@missmishra6622

5 жыл бұрын

exactly my story...in ur words.. i cnt move on... he manipulates me..to make me blv..that i am wrong evrywhr. he hangs out with lady friends. and wen i ask him not to. he give all sorts of excuses as to i shud trust him..and they r just friends..and they insisted him to come..he didnt go by choice... etc. all crap. we break up. n get bck. i cnt imagine how shd i move away frm him. wht explaination shud i give him

My current ex is like this. She is beautiful and I love her. But every single day since day 1, she was toxic. She came from an awful family and the things she did she thought was okay..but it wasn't.now I'm not here to make her sound like the only bad person. I was too. And it kills me that we ended up as strangers, she was my best friend. I hate that we hate each other now

@LeiranNZ

7 жыл бұрын

thats p sad.. reminds me of my first gf who was also my best friends for years, i knew her since i was 4. she dumped me in a shitty way for shitty reasons and started avoiding me like hell while she was trying to get a dude to break up to date her. I hated and loved her and i became manipulative just to keep her attention but she broke contact for a long while. Much later we talked again but she never seemed to be really interested in talking to me even as just friends.. It was a great friendship and if I never dated her, we might have still be friends...

It took me a month to realize why my relationship end.I thought it was my fault. Verbal abuse is never okay! After treating a person as a KING. Treat them well. Do act of service. Yet when they get upset all of a sudden they will just be little you. No one is perfect and I keep wondering am I that bad? What else I need to show to this person why I don’t felt respected when he doesn’t like what he hears. Break up is so painful but RESPECT should always be there. Thank you for letting me go! I’m getting myself out into a deep sh*t. To all the people who experience the same. Seek help and RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Or else you will suffer for the rest of your life!

Wow as honest as I could be, I was once the toxic person cos of my own fears and insecurities. Thank you Matthew, so happy to be on healthy side in all my relationships!

I was married to a toxic guy in my very early 20s and got rid of him when I had my first child and found out I was pregnant with my second, because I wanted my children to grow up in a peaceful household.

@cp2342

4 жыл бұрын

Big Cat Shukri amazing to hear my situation isn’t the same but my biological father was an addict and was very toxic lucky after a while my mum got rid of him had custody of us but didn’t want to full cut him out because she believed in a second chance anyway I’d go over to his house and he would scream at my Nanna who stilled lived with him she’d have to get him drugs because he was abusive in that aspect anyway the older my siblings and I got we cut our father out I only visited my Nanna but turns out we couldn’t because my father could lock the house and go to the pub all day so it was a battle to get her in a nursing home we finally did.

@atlas3732

4 жыл бұрын

Interesting.

@ChillAssTurtle

4 жыл бұрын

Wish my mom loved us like you love your kids.

@kingkeanna

4 жыл бұрын

This is love.

@bigcatshukri3773

4 жыл бұрын

@Jessica Hicking Thank you

To add more to the insidious part of a toxic relationship is when one partner knows your weaknesses and uses it against you…to control you & keep you in your place. Not only do they blame or shame you, they know how to guilt you unapologetically. The codependent partner becomes disempowered, submissive and a doormat to the superior one, because they know that you can't stand on your own two feet.

So grateful for getting to know you Matthew, the reason I ended up spotting this video is because I have had these experiences you perfectly described here and I got myself out of those, holding on to my self-love left. From then on I`ve been working on my self-development and now I couldn`t even think to tolerate that treatment anymore. and I am willing to allow in my life only what is in line with my person and pushes me to be the best version of my self. 💪

This video helped me a lot. I am currently dealing with heartbreak after i removed myself from a toxic relationship. He was the sweetest, kindest, most caring man when i was broken. But if i ever had a good day, i knew it would automatically be his worst. Thank you for the insight and making me certain of my decision ❤️

I have had several toxic people in my life. Being young and naive, it took me a while to figure it out. However, the wisdom I gained from those experiences....is priceless. Recently I dated a toxic person, it took me five dates to figure him out. I literally ran for my life. All I can say is... I am getting better and better. Ladies don't settle ..and when you meet someone that treats you unkindly....RUN!

@parrotlover1981

6 жыл бұрын

chavala righti oh.

@xTwilightWolvesx

6 жыл бұрын

Bill Focker This is very important! They also use pseudo-science to justify their hatred of women.

@parrotlover1981

6 жыл бұрын

Bill Focker You are a wise man. So many(of these men) just don't get it and sadly never will. I'd love a Brother like you.

@Panini529

5 жыл бұрын

I couldn't have said this better myself. I got out of a toxic relationship after three months. During this time period I learned some signs and symptoms while with this toxic guy. This helps me register red flags earlier than later. Couldn't feel better, I'm healing loving me first and foremost over all.

@PositiveMommaLife

5 жыл бұрын

Good advice and taken to heart!

you're awesome I love your videos. It really hurts sometimes, because after being in a toxic relationship you realized you really loved that person with all your heart and tried to give them the best of you and help them heal, but it didn't work. It's not always the person's fault entirely, it has to do with their own traumas and experiences, which is why it's so difficult to get away from those kinds of relationships. Cause that person you love is not the bad guy for you, as many outside of your situation seem to think. Most toxic people are broken things. They inspire love because you can see their brokenness. That, however, doesn't justify the way they damage you, and for your own sake, you have to get away from them.

@guatever333

7 жыл бұрын

Agree Moby Dick..the only thing is that WE a tracked toxic people mostly people with a strong personalty a tracks toxic people and WE also have our traumas and mostly like to "help" and or we have lots of empathy. Which toxic people mostly don't have.

@hipnhappenin

7 жыл бұрын

"They inspire love because you can see their brokenness." Concise and beautiful. That's it exactly.

@cubanita365

7 жыл бұрын

beautifully worded

@amberdenae6766

7 жыл бұрын

love this

@eltarda2652

7 жыл бұрын

You just said it all so beautifully

This was a simple, quite accurate description of situations with toxic people...I found it very helpful. Thank you!

Just got out this kind of relationship. I’d get stonewalled every time I’d bring an issue up and then he would bitch about me behind my back to his friends

This video made me realize I was the toxic source in my last relationship... I need to apologize to my ex

@shelly8743

8 жыл бұрын

+Emma Willaume omg same.

@oooweebaby4483

7 жыл бұрын

Toxicity and abuse ripple and cycle in generations unaware of what is truly occuring and passing down. A spark of realization could mean greater prosperity for generations to come. I've realized some of my toxic qualities in past relationships as well. It is shocking and certainly influenced from upbringing, I am incredibly humbled for such realizations.

I had a friend that was toxic. all the qualities you named she has and well needless to say that friendship didn't last.

@miriamdelgado421

7 жыл бұрын

my last boyfriend also had these qualities.

@gaga4real65

7 жыл бұрын

People come and go. It's sad but life

@eyesoblivion7503

6 жыл бұрын

Gaga4Real more like females like yourself fuck bad guys and cry when they fuck you over.

@7Mushrooms7

6 жыл бұрын

eyes Oblivion and you guys fuck bad girls and cry when they fuck you over. It happens to all, what matters is learning from it and moving on to better things.

This is so true, I never realized how toxic my old relationship was before this. Don’t settle, get better

Oh definitely! Like when they make you feel guilty for joining the gym, getting in better shape, going back to school to better your life ..... he’d suddenly take off for weeks or belittle my success and if I said something I was too sensitive and if I tried to re explain- he’d accuse me of needing to have the last word....so glad I saw the red flags!

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

Lisa Emerson,You got a lovely smile 😊

I've tried dating a toxic person, and I'll tell you it's very hard because I can't make my own decisions and it hinders me to become a better person. I was choked in the relationship because he's a jealous and controlling person. He never own up to his mistakes but put all the blame on me. I'm so glad he broke up with me.

@amk_2303

4 жыл бұрын

A New Love Official this was me two months ago! at first i was really sad, but then i realized he just made it easier for me- i didn’t have to break up with him with the fear of what he could do to me...he instead took the initiative.

@cathy5301

4 жыл бұрын

I know you lose yourself in their journey and just blend in with little input.....I'm finally getting my centre again

@miagolez7059

4 жыл бұрын

Same this is me 1month ago

@roselay5527

4 жыл бұрын

Same here:-)

@margomazzeo1680

4 жыл бұрын

You are lucky then..

I am a guy and almost everything he said was my partner. It's so sad. I am scared to get into another relationship because I am scared it will happen again.

@agelesskarate

7 жыл бұрын

Ditto.

@Mirage_Love702

7 жыл бұрын

It's frightening.. the woman I spent 5 years with was textbook.. I'm ticking these off one at a time as he says them.

@jeromesnail

7 жыл бұрын

My ex girlfriend wouldn't event take responsibility for our break up. She just waited for me to live, and then told me "you don't leave like that!"

@avesraggiana

7 жыл бұрын

What you need to do is figure out why you’re attracted to partners like that in the first place. Beyond and beneath the initial attraction, what is it about YOU that draws you to them? Figure that out, get right with that, then the right, appropriate partners will come along.

You literally described my ex husband, one point after the other. I cried listening to this, wow!!

Matt.. U dont know how big the impact that u have given to my life right now.. Im so grateful and thankful for this video

I just want to encourage and support anyone that is with a toxic person and reassure you that there is someone better for you that will make you happier than you could ever imagine. Happened to me. Have the courage to leave. It will be fine. He or She will eventually be fine. And they honestly need to be alone and learn how toxic they were and are and resolve those issues without you. It'll be good for both of you. Leave.

@erykakriosfeliciano9184

4 жыл бұрын

I KNOW ITS A LONG MESSAGE BUT SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!! I don't know if I'll regret writing this here but I feel I have no one to talk to and I genuinely believe I might be going crazy. My s/o as of a year and 3 months has had periods of just being reactive on a weekly basis but every time they've become more and more frequent. We're just talking and he gets frustrated at me if i repeat something twice he gets frustrated and says "yeah yeah eryka you already said this, we've been through this" or if I don't understand what he said he gets frustrated and tells me "why are you so difficult to talk to?" "why dont you understand?" "nvm". and he just shuts down and decides not to tell me anything. He lashes out not just in frustration but he raises his voice at me. Whenever this happens, even if it hurts/angers me, I try to stay calm and tell him "baby, there's no reason to get like that, please clam down, we're just talking" or "baby, why are you getting so frustrated at me?" or "there's a better way to say things, please don't get like thsi with me, im calm, i just want things to not get out of hand". But if i ask him to calm down that's a "trigger" and he gets worse, if i ask him not to scream at me its also a trigger, if i tell him he could have spoken in a better manner to me and i dont see it necessary to bite down each other's necks he gets triggered as well. In the moment everything is a trigger, everything is frustrating and he just becomes so reactive. The worst part is phase 2: denial. He denies EVERY SINGLE TIME having done anything wrong and accuses me of being too sensitive, too receptive to how im being spoken to, tells me it's not the end of the world, etc. etc. to then later say he sees where im coming from and he's sorry and it wont happen again, but it always happens again. And every time it does he blames me, he says its me being too "x or y thing" then he says he sees where im coming from and apologises and promises it wont happen again and it all becomes a cycle. The worst part is that he hears me out and says he's sorry but then the next second he tells me "you're just giving me shit about how bad you feel", "you don't care about how it makes me feel that you're saying these things that im doing wrong" "all you care about is yourself". Even though all i want is for both of us to communicate. I tell him what I'm feeling, I ask him to speak to me as well. he says he has nothing to say but sorry, he doesn''t know why he got like that and that he cares about me and doesn't mean it in any way. But the thing is that even when he's hearing me out and apologisng, it's still about him and im the one doing something wrong by telling him im literally feeling like he's emotionally neglecting me and he responds by saying im just giving him shit about how i feel. He acts to selfishly but then says he cares about me and all that behaviour means nothing and this is when he finally sees his behaviour but before even getting ot that point he ALWAYS denies it and blames me and then accuses me of guilt tripping hima nd not caring, and all these things that he's the one who's doing them. IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!! He says he loves me and cares and this means nothing but THINGS MEAN SOMETHING!! Actions speak much louder than words and he doesn't see it!!! Even when he does and apolgises he is BAFFLED at the thought of having to do something about it. For this past week he was treating me that way and ignoring me afterwards so i tried calling, texting, i waited until1 am when he was finally calm so that we could speak and we agreed that he had done these things and then he asked me if he could see me the next day so i told him "honestly i feel like it's been me trying to reach u and get us to talk so it'd be nice if you came to me for a change" and he went off and got reactive because i was suggesting that it'd be nice if he came to me for a change and maybe try and make up for what he did wrong. He does things wrong and expects me to just deal with it, he overlooks everything he does but is always so critical of me and even when he apologises it's all about him and the fact that he apolgoised so it means he;'s trying his hardest even if he wont even be willing to come and see me, he apologises but then says im jsut giving him shit about what i feel, he apologises but then makes it about him feeling guilty and how bad he feels and needing space and me not caring and, i really don't know what tod o anymore. I wish i could just leave but I love him. He is not always like this, he is the sweetest partner I've ever had, but when he isn't he is the complete opposite, he gets like this and i really cant take it anymore :''( and i really cant help someone who doesnt want to put in any effort whatsoever :''( then im the crazy one for feeling like he doesn't love me the same, like he isnt patient with me anymore, like he doesn't care the same but he TREATS me that way and then just expects me to believe it all means nothing and simply cope with it and accept his apology until the next day when the whole cycle begins all over again. Even when he does hear me out, his kindness comes at a price and then makes me feel like shit for even going to him. I don't know what to do anymore ;'''( is he toxic or am i just ahving too high expectations? I don;'t feel okay being treated this way, i never treat him like this, and i dont think i deserve this but his ego is too big to listen to me instead of simply be offended that I'm saying these things :'''( please help!!! :''( Am i just going crazy ???

@tabbylivvy

4 жыл бұрын

They WILL NEVER LEARN HOW TOXIC THEY ARE! They’re always fault finding within someone else. They don’t take responsibility for anything, therefore; they will REMAIN TOXIC

I end crying, I've been in a very very toxic relationship for about 7 years, it's still hard for me to heal completely. I leaved him and never allow him to reach me again

This video, a year ago, cleared my mind and helped me to finish a relationship that was emotionally abusive. He shows every thing in the list.

Absolutely spot on! I laughed at every point you made! Now it’s official over it’s so clean how toxic he was. Saving all ur videos for times of weakness. Have always loved you and will always love you. Love from the girl in Sydney Manly all those years ago xoxoxo

well damn ....... he meets ALL FIVE.... perfectly.. thank you for this video . makes this break up easier.. i dont feel as crazy

@LostHeaveN14

8 жыл бұрын

Good luck!!

@beautybynaz9885

7 жыл бұрын

Are you over it yet now?

@AanchalBabar

6 жыл бұрын

Same here✌

@alexandragisellechavez3564

5 жыл бұрын

This type of men..and women toxic ones play with the visión of your reality...you are not. crazy...they are...waking Up from this reality was the hardest ...for me..I am soo happy now he went away for good

This is a narcissistic relationship. From gaslighting, love bombing, devaluation and discard. If you find yourself in this kind of a shit of relationship, please do yourself a favor, RUN!!! It is a mental illness. Sad to say, no cure. I hope we could spread awareness on this, so no one will fall victim to these soul vampires!

@apichakanokthadarat7910

6 жыл бұрын

You reminded me of my EX, which of course I Ghosted on.

@lacrossslounge5403

6 жыл бұрын

Apicha Kanokthadarat lol

@irishdeetalks

6 жыл бұрын

Currently seeking away out of my toxic relationship with an narcissist. It’s deeply affecting my health. There definitely should be more awareness on this x x

@dani238159

5 жыл бұрын

Totally!!!! Yes! I agree. I RAN, and I ran far far away.

Wow...what you said about how they show love only after they've hurt you!! My toxic ex still does things to hurt me (because we have a child together) and after he's done something that gets an emotional reaction out of me, he all of a sudden starts acting really nice and I never understood that. He's so f'ed up, so happy I got out but hard to have a child with someone like this. Thanks for explaining!

U are right on target. I am divorcing a narcissist, who has tried to destroy me. Thank you for this video.

i have dated someone for 1.5 years with all of these qualities, my advice to people in these types of relationships: GET OUT

These signs can also be categorized as emotional abuse. I've experienced this

Yes !been there before, it was like death for me, I'm glad I got away.. and now, I'm happier without a man. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.. thank you for sharing matthew. Keep up the good works.. God bless you 🙏❤️

Inflict damage, not solve problems. SO GOOD. Thank you for sharing!

I have immediate family EXACTLY like this. Being raised in this kind of environment & dealing with these people can be a heart breaking, soul destroying experience; one that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thanks for touching such on an important issue, your insight is a valued gift to us all. :)

@chinesemimi

9 жыл бұрын

how did you get rid of it? Did you just grow up, how did you deal with it?

@ts3708

9 жыл бұрын

I had to separate myself from them.

@chinesemimi

9 жыл бұрын

Tammy stewart well I really can't do that now considering that they're my parents, and I'm too young to move out...

@ts3708

9 жыл бұрын

Oh man. School counselor, find one to talk to. My heart goes out to you.

@m.szarzanowicz9731

9 жыл бұрын

Mish. Michelle this is extremely common to feel like this when you are living with your parents. You are in thier house with thier rules. In my experience, once I got out on my own, and they realized they didn't have that power over me and thier method of parenting was no longer working then the relationship began to change. My parents and I are now closer than ever now. They stopped the things they used to do and now are supportive and great friends. But this takes time. It wasn't until I met my husband at 19 that the change happened. Hang in there, things do get better.

i'm on this long-distance relationship, and he doesn't have time to even text me or talk to me on a regular basis, i'm leaving this toxic guy, i m gonna date a decent one who has time for me and i can at least see him

@ccdiamond308

6 жыл бұрын

He doesn't take up any of the topics I bring up because he's not interested enough in them to at least tell me so but when I'm talking to a mutual friend, he'll guilt trip me that I'm ignoring him.

@acsentu8

6 жыл бұрын

Long distance players...

@sweetlikeme

6 жыл бұрын

texting or calling not regularly is not always a bad thing my ex texted and called me everyday and he was terrible

@Lisa-me9iz

6 жыл бұрын

Maya Sirine this doesn't make him toxic, but just you have a need he does not have, so yes he prolly isn't for you

@dianaprodaniuc2177

6 жыл бұрын

Cristina Diamant that's exactly how it works for me too. He expects me to participate in everything he says but when i tell even a minor story he isn't paying any attention.

Just can’t stop watching you, even your voice heal

This is the exact reason I left my relationship of 4 years! He was emotionally damaged. Constant criticism, insecurity, demoralizing. I was never good enough no matter what I did. I finally woke up and realized I loved and cared about myself and my happiness more! I will never go back ever!

@Ohkeh640

3 жыл бұрын

Well done

I just realized I am a toxic person. I was the reason my relationship was over. Everytime I think about it I feel so guilty, I asked him for forgiveness. I don't wanna go back but I still feel bad for him :(

@jenrhemgotcha1417

4 жыл бұрын

You are brave for being self aware enough to acknowledge this

@armandohenriquez2103

4 жыл бұрын

You've never been loyal in any relationship. I bet your paid bond ability is at zero

@adnamahad5196

4 жыл бұрын

I'm glad u had the courage to admit it cause most people blame it on their partner change before it's too late dear

@tabbylivvy

4 жыл бұрын

Glad you realized it! Please change so you don’t continue hurting people

@DNA350ppm

3 жыл бұрын

Mireya Schilling I hope you have used the past year to get therapy, because you truly deserve it. You deserve help to straighten the feelings out - who contributed with what, and what was your own contribution and mistakes, and learn how to avoid them in the future, and how not to feel guilty for things that are completely forgivable. I am not so very sure that all was because of you! He may have told you so, but is he really a good judge about it?

The day I got a master's degree was the day I knew it was over. Divorce was final 4 months later.

@RealLifefunny81

4 жыл бұрын

Rhonda Strode why was that? Were they jealous of your accomplishments? 😢

@rhondastrode2072

4 жыл бұрын

@@RealLifefunny81 perhaps it made him feel insecure. Jealous. Narcs don't want you happy. I graduated with honors!

@RealLifefunny81

4 жыл бұрын

Rhonda Strode happy you got out of it...

@rhondastrode2072

4 жыл бұрын

@@RealLifefunny81 absolutely, instead of applauding them. He was nasty in the car in front of my family on the way to graduation...mine, with honors!

@kaylas9637

4 жыл бұрын

queen!

This is definitely in the family environment. Like what MattHuss says all the time and what my psychologist says, if I can't remove or separate myself from the toxic people, I need to focus on what makes me happy. As happiness spells success, not the other way around. That's how I started thinking, 'well what about my love life?' Seriously, it's been a month and a half already going into the online dating arena, and the important things I've been getting out of it so far has been getting more clarity and understanding about myself! Thank you MattHuss for your life's work and sharing it with all of us in a really straightforward and authentic manner.

This video helped me so much! I was not dating anyone, I just fell in a really bad friendship with a girl. Took me 4 months to realize how much damages she had done to my self esteem and how I viewed myself as a friend. I'm sorry for anyone going through this. You can't fix those people, just run.

This is so sad, it's my ex husband completely.

@stuarthall3874

6 жыл бұрын

This is my ex-wife exactly!

If you notice you are in a toxic relationship you may very well be toxic yourself. It takes two to tango. BUT if you notice toxic behavior in yourself you have to figure out WHY you are behaving that way. Awareness is STEP ONE. Being aware of our behavior can help us change. Most toxic begavior is due to being insecure. Not feeling worthy enough, like you have to manipulate other people because you don't think you beautiful enough/perfect enough. Well I am here to tell you that YOU ARE ENOUGH! You are beautiful enough, perfect enough, smart enough. YOU deserve the best and don't need to chase love You don't need to play games. Until you come back to your true self you will continue to engage in this type of behavior. Be confident, be brave, be honest... be YOURSELF.

@aswahsaeed8997

6 жыл бұрын

Anne G if you are in a toxic relationship , you get toxic cause you think that is the only way things work ... completely agreed !

Oh my gosh i know all these signs all too well! Confirms why I should never and will never go back into my last toxic relationship.....made me mentally unwell having to go onto anxiety medication to cope!!! Thankyou so much Mathew for amazing advice on all things relationship!

Hit.every.single.nail.on.the.head! Saving and re-watching while I’m single and working on me.

My father is EXACTLY like this.. I understand many things now ...

@namastetlc4410

6 жыл бұрын

:(

@starraether8534

6 жыл бұрын

having a toxic father predisposes a child to tolerating toxic personalities in their own life. Why? because we want to believe that the toxic person is basically good, that's the toxic person is not really toxic. We want to believe that the toxic person really loves us "deep down inside". but the reality is that sometimes deep down inside is so deep in there ( if at all ) that it would take a hard rock miner to bring it to the surface. One has to ask oneself the question "do I want to be a hard rock Miner in a hard-hearted environment my whole life?"

My boyfriend says I'm over acting or I'm too sensitive whenever I bring up an issue. Then I get upset crying he baby's me

@lovingme6896

6 жыл бұрын

Same here

@dani238159

5 жыл бұрын

F him.

@cupcake5867

4 жыл бұрын

@Mr. Thanos the predators hunter 😂😀😃

@Em_Elizabeth

4 жыл бұрын

If I cry during an argument, he tells me to "quit acting like a child" and to "stop making a big deal over nothing".

@cupcake5867

4 жыл бұрын

@@Em_Elizabeth Same here! Is this some kind of trick of narcissists to belittle us and get away with doing stuff that is not ok? My bf keeps contacts of sex friends in fb and his phone. Says I focus to much on phone activities. Says also there's no need to delete.

Thank you for this video. I love that you are so grounded and you talk from a loving place. Unfortunatelly, I've been in a situation like this for 14 years with soon my ex-husband. After all the trials and errors, I realized he was triggered about my success and he didn't want to change anything. Every time he was doing something wrong (like cheating) he was pointing on me and he was looking for things that I did wrong. Very helpful your video ❤

Amazing so true ... helped me not go into another toxic relationship

Both of my parents are extremely toxic. I've always had problems relating to people because I mirror their behavior. I take full responsibility for my behavior which is why I'm recognizing the problem and changing it. It took a near death experience to recognize why I can be toxic at times and how it makes me miserable because I'm ashamed of myself. I desire, more than anything else, a family that is not dysfunctional.

@spottable

8 жыл бұрын

Look up Narcissistic parents or family.

@joanbaczek2575

8 жыл бұрын

you just described me too lol.

@haleemasamsudeen3439

8 жыл бұрын

.

@emdee8613

8 жыл бұрын

Congradulations, really. Keep going!

@E-plunksna

6 жыл бұрын

dear Seth, you are such a well-constructed, strong and conscious person even the backgrounds from childhood family didn't destroy you. you are on your right path, wish you all the success and love, i admire you.

Oh my God, i was with someone with all these !!! It almost drove me suicidal...such people have the most depressing auras that are concealed in sunny dispositions !

Great advice thank you Matt. Your videos are my bible . I’ve ditched a guy, who never once wanted to celebrate my success, put me down and I’ve finally moved on from his dismissive ways. All points in this video make sense to me now. And recently I’m getting to know chatting with a lovely new guy. 💖

@teemillion123

3 жыл бұрын

I believe trust in relationship is overrated. After my husband was always making calls at night , I would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant.I couldn’t deal with all his lies anymore at some point. Then I decided to find a way to know what was going on and I had to talk to a colleague of mine at work which referred me to this great hacking team ultimate hack who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch his device. To my surprise my husband has been a cheating Narcissist. and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location , WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages both recent and deleted ones with a remote link that was processed . I’m here in New York and was able to access my husband’s phone even while he was away in Australia cheating on me. I was heartbroken when I found out about all the conversation my husband was having with other girls and how he was flirting on dating site. I am glad I was able to get help. you can contact them via email at ultimatehack003(at)gmail com or via WhatsApp,text or call +17202954268 now i have enough evidence to go through divorce but I’m not sure if I should let him go or stay cause we have 4 years old girl together. Please I need advice to know if I should give him another chance or just let him go.

They cannot communicate about relationship problems. They literally shut down.

@Ohkeh640

3 жыл бұрын

Or attack u

@lyndsieannette957

3 жыл бұрын

@@Ohkeh640 yeah that's way worse.