5 REASONS THE INFJ CAN’T FIND A PARTNER

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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Is it possible that INFJs are their own worst enemies when it comes to love? We all want happiness, but pursuing what looks fun or exciting in the short term can be a recipe for disaster. By taking time to understand our needs and wants in relationships, we’ll have better luck finding someone who “fits us like a glove". Get ready - today's discussion will give you five helpful tips on why an INFJ may struggle with making meaningful connections!
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Пікірлер: 223

  • @Wenzes
    @Wenzes Жыл бұрын

    What are some of your challenges while looking for a relationship?

  • @ravenbelote1801

    @ravenbelote1801

    Жыл бұрын

    Trust. I have problems with trusting others. However, I know this comes from past times of my trust being abused by certain people. Knowing this still doesn't always make dating, or forming relationships easy.

  • @correanne5366

    @correanne5366

    Жыл бұрын

    I have strange needs,- their voice must jive w/ my style; the tone & or accent, available but not hovering, spiritual & aware of life's magic, intellectual & intelligent, appreciation of music 🎶, active to enjoy nature & the outdoors, digs savory & nourishing foods 🥘, gentle with pets/children/plants....

  • @petervervaene5301

    @petervervaene5301

    Жыл бұрын

    Tapping into the same frequency has always been the major issue…

  • @MegaCyberleader

    @MegaCyberleader

    Жыл бұрын

    I dont anymore. I am a hermit with a ton of land and money. There are no ladies my age or at my level and are as good looking as you. So I only dream.

  • @jessmason2112

    @jessmason2112

    Жыл бұрын

    I can struggle all by myself. I don't need help. Extremely cautious.

  • @erosv7054
    @erosv7054 Жыл бұрын

    “If I’m too much for someone then they can go find less.” Love this!! 👏💛

  • @sheiladay-od2me
    @sheiladay-od2me Жыл бұрын

    Yes, if we are too much for people, they should go find less. The man I loved who died never thought I was too much. He loved me, period. I felt it. I knew it. I will no longer settle for less. We both healed from so many things by talking to each other and sharing.

  • @EliasGraves
    @EliasGraves Жыл бұрын

    It’s not hard to find a partner. It’s impossible.

  • @duckey83

    @duckey83

    6 ай бұрын

    maybe you are for everyone

  • @ivanaveltmeyer6373

    @ivanaveltmeyer6373

    5 ай бұрын

    Agree 100%

  • @vj.joseph

    @vj.joseph

    4 ай бұрын

    Its just a shift in mindset thats needed. Thats the core issue.

  • @elizaveta2407
    @elizaveta2407 Жыл бұрын

    My experience about #2 is a bit different. I feel like showing my true colors either attracts narcissists to me or get them to envy me and even sabotage my plans.. It happened so many times that I've learnt to only show my true self around those I trust and to stop sharing my plans until I've already accomplished them lol.

  • @DivinitySaid

    @DivinitySaid

    Жыл бұрын

    every. single. time.

  • @elizaveta2407

    @elizaveta2407

    Жыл бұрын

    @@DivinitySaid ikr

  • @maudline

    @maudline

    Жыл бұрын

    Me too..

  • @TheWisdomOfTheAges_PsyM_Revd

    @TheWisdomOfTheAges_PsyM_Revd

    Жыл бұрын

    Same here

  • @TheBigdog868

    @TheBigdog868

    Жыл бұрын

    +1 for attracting narcissists. Oof.

  • @russellbarton7565
    @russellbarton7565 Жыл бұрын

    I spent the last 2.5 years giving all of myself to my relationship with my wife. It turns out that she is a narcissist and I discovered she has been cheating on me with several men. So I discarded her before she had the chance to discard me. I slammed the door in her face and walked away. Now I’m focusing on my my art career and focusing on myself from now on.

  • @sagebay2803

    @sagebay2803

    Жыл бұрын

    Good for you!! Narcs are the worst and they NEVER change!! Soul sucking vampires. lol

  • @NightMystique13

    @NightMystique13

    Жыл бұрын

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. Ex #2 is a malignant narcissist, and I left him as well. It was so obvious that he only cared for himself-not our kids, not me. Been single since 2013. It was lonely at first but now it’s preferable.

  • @thomdeeksdijksman5552

    @thomdeeksdijksman5552

    8 ай бұрын

    I have experienced somewhat the same. Only I wasn't married, I never will marry. But the moment my eyes opened and wasn’t blinded by love anymore I sent her a text message. Without being "mean", without lowering myself to her level. I did end the text with: 'I hope your next victim is smarter and not as naive as me, and will see the real you sooner then I did. You need Jesus' And I blocked her in every way possible. But that was before I realised that I really am different than most people. Now I focus on my career and all else that happens, happens. I am not going to want anything anymore.

  • @cavemanrob
    @cavemanrob Жыл бұрын

    I am 52 years old, male, textbook INFJ. Maybe times ten. I can't even keep close friends, much less a partner. I am resigned to life alone. It's not so bad. It sure beats the cycle of getting my hopes up and having them dashed over and over. Plus: no way I'd saddle anyone with THIS guy. I am not "for" everyone. Is there such a thing as being too free? I doubt it.

  • @k.c.sunshine1934

    @k.c.sunshine1934

    Жыл бұрын

    Wow! Ditto. Same age too.

  • @why55555

    @why55555

    Жыл бұрын

    I'm an INFJ who has said I'm looking for a guy with a Cave, but you are too young. Good Luck!🤗

  • @robmarino314

    @robmarino314

    Жыл бұрын

    I relate to you, my infj brother.

  • @annmariemarino2003

    @annmariemarino2003

    Жыл бұрын

    60 year old female here. Alone for the past 16 years. Extremely at peace .

  • @vijays8395

    @vijays8395

    Жыл бұрын

    @cavemanrob I am grateful to be an infj, however difficult 🎉 🙏🏽💯

  • @quinni24
    @quinni24 Жыл бұрын

    INFJ- I have a neighbor who started asking me for help. Take him to the store, fix his iPhone, go to the corner store for him (he’s been banned, I wonder why 🤦🏼‍♀️). Mind you I also have a p/t job, help my folks, help other family and friends. I’m burning the candle at both ends and hardly ever have time to do my stuff. Well anyway, this guy called me self centered because I don’t have time to be at his beck and call. Door slam. What did he expect? A cookie? I wasn’t comfortable with him constantly forcing a friendship and trying to “hang out” anyway. Do you know he’s still ringing my doorbell and calling me from blocked numbers? I give him an A for effort but I’m ready to blow up on him. His ego is going to get flattened.

  • @joannreyesluv

    @joannreyesluv

    8 ай бұрын

    Same, I have a neighbor like that. I door slammed him as well. They might be narcissists.

  • @disasterxdeath
    @disasterxdeath Жыл бұрын

    I’m 23 years old. I’ve learned at 15 that I need to make my own moments and not rely on people all the time because everyone has their own problems. And I’m so independent, I can’t fully rely on people. What I want from a partner is love, compassion, respect, and willingness to communicate.

  • @koylejeune4332

    @koylejeune4332

    Жыл бұрын

    Glad to hear someone else learned that lesson early on. You’ll find her, don’t give up. I’m still fighting for my love but she’s extremely stubborn like me.

  • @disasterxdeath

    @disasterxdeath

    Жыл бұрын

    @@koylejeune4332 I’m gay 😭 and I’m a guy

  • @koylejeune4332

    @koylejeune4332

    Жыл бұрын

    @@disasterxdeathdoesn’t mean you aren’t able to still find a guy you can share the experience of love with.

  • @sigmainfjbulgaria4478

    @sigmainfjbulgaria4478

    Жыл бұрын

    I'm 28. As I was in the early classes in school the lack of shared interests really bothered me and my parents are a little bit of helicopter, especially my father and I am the little brother so my sigma side begin to appear when I was just 12 as a result of all of this. How can you react if your envirement is pushing you if you are a sigma - build your own personal universe. Till today I haven't been in a seriouse relationship with someone and my only friends are friends by hobbys with whom I comunicate mostly online. Most of all I relate to points two and three and of course like you say willingness to comunicate. It sound pretty simple to be said, but for introverts like us it's a milestone to find someone who is willing to make the first step towards us.

  • @mysoulcalledlife
    @mysoulcalledlife Жыл бұрын

    “If we, as INFJs, seem too much for people, then they should go f-..” I wasn’t expecting “..find less,” but that works even better.😅💕

  • @elizaveta2407

    @elizaveta2407

    Жыл бұрын

    lol

  • @user-no6uw9yf2y
    @user-no6uw9yf2y Жыл бұрын

    I attract people who want's to change me. It's the problem.

  • @feliznavidad6958

    @feliznavidad6958

    Жыл бұрын

    same

  • @HaleyMary
    @HaleyMary Жыл бұрын

    I love what you said that if as infjs we are too much and too intense for people, then those people should go find less. We shouldn't water ourselves down just to be liked by other people who don't care for our true selves.

  • @bumblebee_mrs

    @bumblebee_mrs

    5 ай бұрын

    True that!

  • @LOVE_ALL_AROUND
    @LOVE_ALL_AROUND Жыл бұрын

    I recently came across your channel and really appreciate what you share. I am a 56 year old single woman, never married nor kids....very much ok with that! I have been single more of my life than in a relationship especially in my 40's till now. I have a very extroverted job so I decompress each day with art, my dog, cooking good food, my shows, etc. Still I long for a partner. Someone I could see once or twice a week though lol. Seriously, I love my independence so would be nice to have someone to go dancing with. Thank you again.

  • @duckey83

    @duckey83

    6 ай бұрын

    no commitment ?

  • @pamponpan3376
    @pamponpan3376 Жыл бұрын

    I'm crying during this video. Thank you. Guys run away from me because I am too much too intense. I am ashamed of this but don't know how to be less intense. Now I still don't hate men. I forgive them. But I focus on something else instead or else my mental health will crumble.

  • @sunshynegoodies8045

    @sunshynegoodies8045

    11 ай бұрын

    I'm going thru abandonment now by a partner. All because "I'm like the FBI". I just KNOW things. I hate tht I have never experienced love. I'm currently on a countdown bcuz I really can't take anymore of being too much for someone else and not enuf for myself.

  • @zaram131

    @zaram131

    6 ай бұрын

    I’m at the point where I hate men. They’re all the same, controlling and selfish. I’ve tried so hard but they never love me for who I am. Haha

  • @jordanbatka033
    @jordanbatka033 Жыл бұрын

    Supposedly I am an ENTP and I would love taking care of an INFJ

  • @SD-rm5ty
    @SD-rm5ty Жыл бұрын

    " If I'm too much for someone then they can go find less"... I actually recently said that to my partner.😬😔 And thank you again Wenzes you have literally saved me from a deep depression and make me feel understood and not judged, I'm a villain in everyone else's eyes. 🙄😑

  • @vidit3849
    @vidit3849 Жыл бұрын

    Tomorrow I will be 66. I have been single for at least 20 years. I may be stuck in number 4. In the past, I have chosen men who seemed to be interested in me because of my INFJ characteristics, but in the end, they want to destroy those characteristics. They certainly did nothing to encourage their growth. Then when I backed off, they cried, "What did I do?" Sex was the worst! I spend mounds of time connecting how I connect, and I know they like it, but they just make me feel like a whore. "Uh, uh. Was it good for you?" Now I know why. They weren't at my level and I KNEW it. One time I was involved with a guy who could reach into my soul like I did with him, but I ran off. In my defense, it had been less than a year since my divorce and I was afraid to be stuck in an unhappy situation again. But I think I was more afraid of my "mirror." Being an INFJ without knowing or understanding what it means sucks!

  • @LadyCharity
    @LadyCharity Жыл бұрын

    My last relationship was years ago with an ENFJ. I realized later on that yes the relationship was a distraction from things not going as I wanted in my life. Also, I viewed the person as a project and also made this person responsible for my happiness. That was really unhealthy and did not work out. I met an amazing INFJ like me, we had awesome conversations but he decided to pursue a relationship with an old friend. I dated an ENTJ last year and he was an excellent guy on paper but we lacked the compatibility I am used to having easily. I did make an effort to be open to going slower in growing a connection but it felt forced on my end so it did not work--he may have thought I was too spiritual and whimsical in comparison to his very rigid/serious personality. I personally don't want to settle and have gotten to where I'm okay with singleness but eventually, I want marriage in my future. I believe it will happen in God's time.

  • @bumblebee_mrs
    @bumblebee_mrs5 ай бұрын

    I just realised why I was so miserable from something you said, we look for a project. No wonder why it always turns out sour, these people we choose in our lives are riddled with problems, as many or more than us. We need to heal before finding new people.

  • @DearYoungerSelf111
    @DearYoungerSelf111 Жыл бұрын

    Anybody here ended their marriage or LTR once they found MBTI? I feel horrible on the one hand and liberated on the other - I know I chose my spouse off of the very thing Wenzes spoke of in the video and 14 years in - its a total mind*bleep* Love to hear yalls truths around this

  • @tmc1373

    @tmc1373

    Жыл бұрын

    We seem to have to go through a lot in life compared to the others, especially not fitting in and being seen as different ALL of our lives. It seems many of us also learn hard yet valuable lessons a lot later in life. I think so many of us have abandonment issues from early childhood that cause a lot of our attachment behaviours as well, especially those centered around who we choose as partners and even "friends". Wenzes is phenomenal on these topics and has helped me a great deal. I'm forever grateful and because of her I have hope that one day (NOT TODAY THO) I may come to actually appreciate being INFJ.

  • @bumblebee_mrs

    @bumblebee_mrs

    5 ай бұрын

    @@tmc1373 You both (you & tmc1373) hit the nail on the head. I honestly thought I was the only person in this world that went thru this. So grateful to have found this amazing channel. I hated being single, now I love it.

  • @ajt0319
    @ajt03195 ай бұрын

    “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” - Sweet Brown ❤🎉🙏🏻

  • @TheGrayRanger
    @TheGrayRanger12 күн бұрын

    It's hard to find a relationship if NO ONE EVER shows even a hint of attraction. I don't bother because the answer is no 100% of the time.

  • @tamibenz6626
    @tamibenz6626 Жыл бұрын

    My biggest problem is no one understands me?? So be it, I’ll manage

  • @user-cx8sp8xw2d
    @user-cx8sp8xw2d Жыл бұрын

    55 and getting more bitter by the day. Pretty sure im gonna die alone. What a life huh?? 😢

  • @simondevos7005
    @simondevos7005 Жыл бұрын

    The INFJ mindset is more mature, more detail oriented, than your average Joe or plain Jane. Life isn’t all fun and just a game. The life of INFJ is not an open book to see, we don’t show and tell, accept rejection, let them show their true colors. It’s all about quality not quantity. INFJ are planners , organizer, goal accomplisher , Remove yourself, from the gold diggers mentality individuals, who always want a free ride in life. Get away from the what’s in it for me attitude. Work as team player, find a team player In your journey of companionship, You are worth more, never take 2nd best. Look for a person who have same mindset, Hard work verses Laziness don’t mix., INFJ don’t babysit other’s individual’s laziness. If your ghosted, it could mean ,that not interested as a person.

  • @vancouverpoy

    @vancouverpoy

    Жыл бұрын

    thanks for this comment, I recently left a 5 yr relationship because I realize or she developed gold digger mentality and also cause her anxious and low energy state was affecting me too. There are times she could be more considerate of the words she used. She spent 3k on tattoos, 600 bucks on a bag shortly after and later that month a 120 on shades while eating out with friends many times and only working slightly above min wage while paying no bills for her parents home while called me poor and lazy on different occasion and in front of her friend. I knew it was over when she controlled me for trying to call the restuarant about my jacket i forgot. Honestly I either want someone with ambition energy and independent or someone good at cooking and mother skills or someone that enjoys the same hobbies I do.

  • @simondevos7005

    @simondevos7005

    Жыл бұрын

    @@vancouverpoy No problem , Just be more aware, meticulous or picky when comes choosing a mate Study her personality traits, before Committing a relationship. Look for same mindset. Test her out without her knowing it. That way you tell if she for real or fake That’s the best advice I can give you

  • @gobsx3
    @gobsx3 Жыл бұрын

    about 'not showing your true colors', here's the thing: I have a mirroing problem. when I'm in a relationship, I naturally dive into their world, take interest in their hobbies, watch and read the stuff they like, and before I know, I've done all this leg work to accomodate them and make them feel seen and heard, but I didn't put the same effort to accomodate MYSELF in the relationship. And I get frustrated at my partner for not giving me room to be myself when I never asked for it to begin with.

  • @byronryan4216

    @byronryan4216

    10 ай бұрын

    A mirroring problem you say ! Hmmm 🤔. Are you an identical twin where as if by magic the mirror image of yourself comes to life … 🪞

  • @tmc1373
    @tmc1373 Жыл бұрын

    This is such a great and helpful video. I wonder many INFJs marry twice in their lives because they didn't understand the information shared in this video prior to marrying? Not knowing the information shared in this video and getting married would likely cause an INFJ A LOT of distress.

  • @khadraLuula
    @khadraLuula Жыл бұрын

    Thank you so much Wenzes, I was just asking myself why my last relationship failed ?! Again ?!!!! even though this time I wasn’t in my hero saving mode or the martyr. I realized after hearing your last two points that I still have a lot to learn. Truly appreciate your help Wenzes, you have changed my life forever ❤

  • @cinderling5472
    @cinderling5472 Жыл бұрын

    I wish my partner would've left me so i could grow Now i am stuck and feel so... Stuck

  • @mypov4343
    @mypov4343 Жыл бұрын

    I would like to be with a woman that is working on her own personal development as I am. Either they are very rare or I am running in the wrong circles...or could be both! You would think that wouldn't be too much to ask for?....

  • @sheiladay-od2me
    @sheiladay-od2me Жыл бұрын

    You are so good at this. Thank you for this video.

  • @taajahsmith913
    @taajahsmith91311 ай бұрын

    I love being weird lol but it is very hard to feel seen and heard. People love conforming so I’m always the odd ball

  • @sheiladay-od2me
    @sheiladay-od2me Жыл бұрын

    God, please save me from being an empath! LOL

  • @chadbamrick
    @chadbamrick Жыл бұрын

    One of the best videos! Super helpful. TY

  • @SaraHagen-oz4lv
    @SaraHagen-oz4lv Жыл бұрын

    Listening to this I am feeling so at home. You described my life and thinking as if you were in my head :-). Always this feeling to be more than others can bear or like or love, always censoring me, holding back knowledge and advice and comments to not being recognised as someone "weird" is so exhausting and boring. Won't do that ever again. Thank you.

  • @justinael
    @justinael Жыл бұрын

    Thank you very much, this is so good! I feel like I'm being too much so often. So far ENFJs never have enough but I tried and can't live with them an every day life. I am guilty of everything you said. It's so hard to stop thinking 10 years into the future when I meet someone!

  • @BookWorm2369
    @BookWorm2369 Жыл бұрын

    This video has come at a great time for me. I was supposed to go on a first date with someone just last night, but he wasn't able to make it. He did let me know that it was tentative on having his son picked up on time beforehand, so I was able to adjust my expectations at least. I still got ready and kept checking my phone for any communication and it was until 7pm that he finally let me know his son wasn't picked up yet. I was disappointed and a bit frustrated, but I took myself out to eat, went to a local play, had a delicious vegan dessert, and talked to my stepdaughter on the phone. So I made the best out of the time I had to myself (without *my* kids). Now I'm wondering if I should sit tight? Let things unfold? I'm feeling like I should detach emotionally because when I want connection, it is not met or it is very delayed when it is. When he calls me, I answer. We are both busy people, but I'm starting to feel like I'm the only one making time for a relationship. Im a single mom with three kids who each have complex needs and I'm trying to also take care of myself and *my own* complex needs; it is safe to say that I'm almost always multitasking. I use a planner and other tools to help me stay on track and I make time for the things that are important to me. I'm trying to approach dating the way I approach friendships, which is that there are no penalties for things and I'm not keeping score, I'm much more understanding. I will still walk away if they take advantage of this, but I want the same level of understanding from another person so I feel like I should be more relaxed.

  • @t.j.7789

    @t.j.7789

    Жыл бұрын

    I can attack a mentally ill pweson like no one's business!!!! Eventually, I just need to cut alk contact!!!

  • @ajt0319

    @ajt0319

    5 ай бұрын

    Ain’t nobody got time for that.

  • @user-ux2uz9hn6x
    @user-ux2uz9hn6x Жыл бұрын

    Wow. Reason number 5 is so true about me! Finally some explanation for my feelings 😅 Love your videos! Thanks for sharing your knowledge, that is so helpful.

  • @why55555
    @why55555 Жыл бұрын

    "If I'm too much for you, then maybe you should go find less!"😂Perfect! Thanks. Love your channel, it's a huge part of my healing in retirement journey.🥰🙏

  • @RacquelTBrooks
    @RacquelTBrooks7 ай бұрын

    girl!!!! .. i love it .. "then they need to look for less.. !!,.. this is the most honest relatable video.. ive ever saw .. its so helpful!!

  • @roberttrough6439
    @roberttrough64397 ай бұрын

    Thank you Wenzes 👍 you’re a great communicator certain words you say trigger my mind of things people have said in my past. I enjoy your hard work. I don’t want to fix a partner in a relationship. I want to live a joy filled life! I want a relationship that compliments each other. I like your ideas.

  • @feliznavidad6958
    @feliznavidad6958 Жыл бұрын

    I've never viewed the few partners I had as a project. I just was expecting a decent human being and thats not what I got so I wanted to leave within a week to a month. No one is on my level

  • @Aldo-Hugo
    @Aldo-Hugo Жыл бұрын

    My difficulties comes from being an INFJ. 😅 Overall I was stuck on one person so I skipped out on many relationships. That relationship went so wrong and I was traumatized because of it. I became so closed off and when I finally found someone else I fucked it all up. After that I fell into a schizoid depression and not until lately I care to want a relationship. I’m older now so my options are not the same and I’m very picky.

  • @ravenbelote1801

    @ravenbelote1801

    Жыл бұрын

    Age definitely makes a difference. I notice this too. The field is not as wide open, and brimming with choice as it was when younger. And often, those who are available come with tons of scars at this age because of past relationship failures, or just not ever wanting to grow. There are other reasons too, but those are two I often notice.

  • @HaleyMary

    @HaleyMary

    Жыл бұрын

    I notice the options are fewer as I've gotten older, as well. A lot of people I meet are married with kids, living common law with their partners with kids or are divorced and have kids from past marriages or are bitter. There are very few single never married childless/child free people out there as we get older.

  • @alnotz

    @alnotz

    Жыл бұрын

    I myself been in that situation, three times ... last time in 2016... I gave it up, not Im 46. Recently, like 4 months ago I found MBTI and that I am INFJ. Male... I guess it's too late now. Even if I were rich, only the gold diggers would find me. Wasted my life in a military career earning like 400-500USD a month at best.

  • @R.S-1986
    @R.S-1986 Жыл бұрын

    It is very important to define to yourself what is it exactly that you want from a relationship, trust, loyalty, friendship and love. And also if you can offer the same of what you're asking for is important as much. 💯❤️👌💫

  • @jessmason2112
    @jessmason2112 Жыл бұрын

    ✌️💯. To help someone open up and bloom is a total turn on.

  • @aniokay
    @aniokay Жыл бұрын

    I agree so much with #2. Hiding my personality have done absolutely nothing for me - other than meeting unempathic men who weren't interested in me as a person, but just looooved how I made them feel (I find that men generally are really focused on their own experience. I'm a fairly attractive woman and therefore men often want to talk, nail that trophy and get some validation from me (the 'yes, you are attractive and you are good enough as a human because you have just attracted a beautiful girl'-badge) - and I can even tell them all of my problems and how I have sexual trauma in my baggage and some of them will still see me as just an attractive object for them to conquer. This callousness is generally unbelievable. Anyway. That is also why I sometimes get so aggressively honest with my personality because I'm just so sick and tired of being put on that pedestal by men with low self esteem/confidence. And the truth is, none of them would even be that interested after all, if they took their rose tainted glasses off and just saw me for who I really am. The truth is, I match with so few persons, because most men don't want to deepdive the way I deepdive. And seeing the way that they percieve only the outer apperance and knowing that we would NEVER be a match because our personalities don't mix - and seeing over and over that they are not able to realize that - it just makes me soooo tired.... I just want to yell in their faces: "You are delusional, our personalities don't match, wake tf up!" At this point, dating for me is a piece of work.

  • @aniokay

    @aniokay

    Жыл бұрын

    @@hleary1670 Hey, thank you for your reply and I am sorry that that has happened to you. I think ultimately it is about healing to such a degree that you don't attract the men that want to exploit your vulnerabilities. It takes A LOT of healing, but it is possible I think. I am getting there. I just realized just before I went on KZread and read your comment - the exact same thing that you are telling me: That I need to be better to just leave a conversation if I feel that my boundaries have been violated. I am very bad at that because I don't want to hurt other peoples feelings and I don't want to be another voice that tells insecure men "you are not alright". Because it will just strenghten the abyss that sometimes exist between the understanding of men and women. But in the end of the day, it is not my responsibility. Society has given women an incredible amount of responsibility for other peoples feelings, especially mens feelings. An men feel entitled to a degree that they sometimes respond to a 'no' with aggression (and men has not learned how to deal with negative emotions properly). And growing up with an aggressive father, I know how easily it can end up in violence. So that is my burden or knot to unfold. Maybe to decouple the mindset that me saying no and me expressing boundaries automatically leads to violence or aggression.

  • @aniokay

    @aniokay

    Жыл бұрын

    ​@@hleary1670 Furthermore, I think that I need to be vary of two types of men: The overly insecure and vulnerable men and the overly self confident, player type of men. Those are the ones that has hurt me the most and has overstepped my boundaries the most. But yeah, I think you're right. It's better to set boundaries than telling them your vulnerabilities and expect their empathy to handle the rest. Some of them haven't got that much empathy to begin with.

  • @msprupru14

    @msprupru14

    Жыл бұрын

    This is me to a T! I feel so validated...😞😩😅. When these kind of men approach I just wanna scream " Get Away" 😅

  • @aniokay

    @aniokay

    Жыл бұрын

    @@msprupru14 I'm sorry you relate but also happy that we can share some experiences. Yeah, I know. It's very annoying. I still haven't figured out how to reject them. But it is something that I have to work on, otherwise, I will never met a guy I actually want to be with, when all the others are sucking your energy, just wanting that validation...

  • @aniokay

    @aniokay

    Жыл бұрын

    @@hleary1670 Yes, I very much agree. That early boundary setting also means that we can use our energy on people that we actually are a better match with (the ones, that are higher up i emotional intelligence, as you say).

  • @MegaCyberleader
    @MegaCyberleader Жыл бұрын

    took me 2 years to get another infj i found randomly to open up to me, another infj. He wondered where I was getting all these good idea's. I sent him your link. This is another INFJ male I saw randomly exeriancing my life 4 years ago. In every way every day hes going though his trials of self discovery and is also in his mid 30's I hope he comes here.

  • @stephenfegely
    @stephenfegely Жыл бұрын

    Our Queen 👸🏼 #INFJ

  • @susanpauli3719
    @susanpauli3719 Жыл бұрын

    Bravo👏.💯 most impressive expression on the subject.... Of myself.... I've heard yet...😊

  • @ericlovric8191
    @ericlovric8191 Жыл бұрын

    thank you. loved the new haircut

  • @dalianaferrero9110
    @dalianaferrero91106 ай бұрын

    Omg this is the first time I’ve heard someone talk about the infj tendency to feel easily trapped - I’ve done this - I’m not sure about someone so out of fear of being stuck and then feel bad to break it up I just say no possibly missing a good relationship

  • @zerowillard3677
    @zerowillard36778 ай бұрын

    When I was a bit younger, one of my sayings was that there were two things that did not last with me. One, my gym partners, and two, my girlfriends. Now I realize why! However, the intimacy and intense emotions that were experienced are forever missed, and I would say 'cherised', but I will take none back, as they say spite always comes too late, and like Wenzes say, there are those that will gell with you and you with them.

  • @fidel_soto
    @fidel_soto Жыл бұрын

    This described my previous relationship perfectly.

  • @angeeangela9500
    @angeeangela9500 Жыл бұрын

    With the help of you vids I'm confident that I can go into dating BUT: There was something that was holding me back Which is INFJ'S AND TRAUMA I GREW BEING ABUSED SO I HADN'T WENT TO THERAPY BUT I HONESTLY FEEL THAT IF I DO MY TRAUMA WORK WITH HELP FROMYOUR VIDS I CAN DO IT THANK YOU FOR OPENING MY EYES ❤❤❤❤❤LOVE WENZES 😊😊

  • @tmc1373

    @tmc1373

    Жыл бұрын

    I agree. There was an excellent video on abandonment issues I watched the other day from another KZread. It was life changing and what I needed to know my entire life. It has been a tremendous help along with Wenzes video. When I become wealthy, God willing, I'm going to hire Wenzes as a personal life coach. NO one understands INFJs like she does.

  • @mochimeng2637

    @mochimeng2637

    8 ай бұрын

    ​@@tmc1373what's the YT channel of this 'abandonment issue' video you're talking about?

  • @tigre7739
    @tigre7739 Жыл бұрын

    Fantastic video and great advice!! Every reason is so very true, and I know that all to well! As I've gotten older and more mature, I've been able I think and look at it in a better light than I did before, thinking of these experiences as most valuable lessons, but after discovering myself as an infj a few years ago, and hearing it explained, it always reinforces and helps to keep these thoughts in perspective, and motivates to take the right steps! 😃

  • @bumblebee_mrs
    @bumblebee_mrs5 ай бұрын

    Every time I settled, I ended up with a narc. I prefer being single now, actually I love it. Btw: I don't think we are as rare as they say. Gundy, Mother Teresa, me and lots more were/are INFJ's too.

  • @tomtesoro5465
    @tomtesoro5465 Жыл бұрын

    WOW! So correct, it is creepy! Thank you

  • @fabiolucianodasilvaluciano9984
    @fabiolucianodasilvaluciano99847 ай бұрын

    Finally a woman who understands me

  • @Imhotep397
    @Imhotep397 Жыл бұрын

    After I gave away years of my life to somebody that’s cluster B I’ve moved way far into pragmatic mode.

  • @kuntaroots5906
    @kuntaroots590611 ай бұрын

    True thanks

  • @x-Bella-x
    @x-Bella-x Жыл бұрын

    That haircut looks bomb😍

  • @Medietos
    @Medietos5 ай бұрын

    Maybe we are too much to others because we have unresolved Attachment Wounds and Developmental Childhood trauma and need to be seen/heard and unsure whether we will? As well as lacking self-esteem not used to popularity?

  • @dalianaferrero9110
    @dalianaferrero91106 ай бұрын

    Wenzes - I have a hard time being on my own - always single - like I always want someone to join me in the fun that I plan because I feel like I need someone else there to enjoy it to the max

  • @dotendit

    @dotendit

    5 ай бұрын

    😂 I've been like this from childhood. Never understood why others didn't want to join. Later in life I seemed antisocial but actually I'm very social and that makes me too depending on company/ public/ classroom full of students/ friends etc.etc.

  • @KingDomsKingdom85
    @KingDomsKingdom853 ай бұрын

    We need an INFJ dating site, it seems like 2 INFJ's would work wonderfully together. I can imagine they are very romantic and affectionate relationships, as i find it is often myself who is the romantic one in a relationship but without receiving the tactile aspect we crave as INFJ's.

  • @Avery-ul7gh
    @Avery-ul7gh4 ай бұрын

    "Dated" (door slamed very early) a ENFP and a ISFJ. ENFP didn't understand me and was obsessive over me and "corrected" my book ideas and such, the ISFJ decided to plan out my entire life for me down to how many kids he wanted me to bare him.... Um sir im a person of a higher calling not a brood mare 🙃. Its funny both of them told me that they never connected to someone as much as me LOL 😂

  • @unastanojevic3434
    @unastanojevic3434 Жыл бұрын

    oh my, the timing hahahahah -_-

  • @lauralove312

    @lauralove312

    Жыл бұрын

    Omg… same 😂

  • @russellbarton7565
    @russellbarton7565 Жыл бұрын

    To many narcissist getting in the way

  • @sheiladay-od2me
    @sheiladay-od2me Жыл бұрын

    I DO ENJOY MY LIFE!!!

  • @jennyyorgeliskantutazelaya7897
    @jennyyorgeliskantutazelaya7897Ай бұрын

    Thanks for your videos Wenzes 😊❤, and the question is, how does the infj know when to cut off or put a limit on a relationship?

  • @jerome6572
    @jerome6572 Жыл бұрын

    Wenze's what you said is true,that's me.Jerome

  • @cosmicmonkey4334
    @cosmicmonkey4334 Жыл бұрын

    Interesting ✨

  • @dulcecaramel972
    @dulcecaramel972 Жыл бұрын

    You just described my last toxic relationship 😂

  • @X0asis
    @X0asis Жыл бұрын

    I love your hair cut & thank you !

  • @shahinnilofer4888

    @shahinnilofer4888

    Жыл бұрын

    Me too.... I guess its straight a line cut. Am gonna try this on eid😊

  • @psputsimply
    @psputsimply Жыл бұрын

    If only I knew 30+ or even 16 years ago what I have learnt and know now. Everything you say is true. I discovered myself, made peace with who, what and how I am but that's mostly not acceptable to people closest to me. So at a distance I'm okay, close intimate relations from parents to marriage, extremely frustrating.

  • @troyanstone65
    @troyanstone658 ай бұрын

    Being an infj is challenging enough, especially finding a compatible partner but being a gay infj is next level, one in a million is not mathematically impossible, so that's a positive l guess. 😄

  • @reneehouser2925
    @reneehouser2925 Жыл бұрын

    I am iron. I forge myself. -Lagertha

  • @Psych_Mike_34
    @Psych_Mike_349 ай бұрын

    I'm a 23 INFJ male I don't even know how to get a date. I don't like making the first move. Social media makes me upset. Online dating.... yeah, forget that. It feels like I have to advertise myself for sale, and it feels gross. Seems like I have to make the first move in person. Paradoxically, my generation is so dependent on social media that social interaction is seen as bothersome or invasive. I can't meet people online it feels fake. I don't know how or where to meet women in person if or when I have the confidence to do so. My friends have said I need to get out more, and those same people say that women don't want to be approached in public, but I'm also told I have to try harder to initiate the first move or nothing will happen. I feel lost, trapped, and doomed. All I can think of is trying to work on myself and make my center whole... easier said than done.

  • @AmyMichelleMosier

    @AmyMichelleMosier

    9 ай бұрын

    It’s maddening, isn’t it? I even joined an astronomy club trying to meet a smart dude but no, none of them appeal to me but at least I’m in an astronomy club, lol.

  • @MrGadfly772
    @MrGadfly7728 ай бұрын

    It's not an accident that I fell in love with someone who has a very heartfelt laugh and also has a lot of baggage from her childhood.

  • @ScottHebert604
    @ScottHebert604 Жыл бұрын

    is your husband infj too?

  • @dannisayseffyou
    @dannisayseffyou Жыл бұрын

    Really hard to figure out if im INFJ or infp being aware of my depression

  • @mrmane2000

    @mrmane2000

    Жыл бұрын

    An INFP is more consciously aware of what they are feeling most of the times. An INFJ would more likely feel like something "feels off" but can't quite put a finger on it.

  • @keyboardoracle1044
    @keyboardoracle10446 ай бұрын

    Not in a small country town.

  • @ericting2020
    @ericting20208 ай бұрын

    Istp will adapt with infj

  • @trannessa
    @trannessa Жыл бұрын

    this has brought me much sense of disillusionment and despair in my 20s. I was entangled with covert and malignant narcissists and just when you are like, life is suppose to get better not worse, the same type of men just different names and faces that lie, cheat and deceive, it just shatters and disturbs your spirit and self and as an INFJ, you have to remember your dignity and integrity and maintain your character. Don't fall for crap, heal your toxicity and refuse to settle for less than what you deserve because these types aren't even half the person you are! Embody and embrace self love and the right soul that's equally yoked will find you.

  • @Tulip-dp9wz
    @Tulip-dp9wz Жыл бұрын

    My crush is taken by one of my friend, their relationship is about for 10 month and I didn’t know that until today. But 2 month ago he said me like your smile is precious or smth like that, so now I’m confused. Why did he say smth sweet to me even if he get girlfriend.

  • @tamannatazz5800

    @tamannatazz5800

    Жыл бұрын

    Don't Over think girl. Move on.

  • @THEGAMESEEKERS
    @THEGAMESEEKERS Жыл бұрын

    I like your hair😊pretty.

  • @HaleyMary
    @HaleyMary Жыл бұрын

    I think I've been the kind of person who wanted to help another person. In my case, it was with their music because a mutual friend said we should collaborate. Well, I went for sodas with this person they said I should collaborate with and that's when I learned they were immature and not as serious about making music as I was. It was disappointing and looking back at it, I was smart not to turn down any invites from other friends to hang out because that would've prevented me from meeting new friends and having even more opportunities to share art.

  • @sakhilemabunda1785
    @sakhilemabunda1785 Жыл бұрын

    @Venzes, I'm curious as to why it's always a list of 5 on every video?

  • @MetaTron3693

    @MetaTron3693

    Жыл бұрын

    lol. Good question. I’m thinking structure. Condensed. Short video. What do you think is going on?

  • @sakhilemabunda1785

    @sakhilemabunda1785

    Жыл бұрын

    @@MetaTron3693 idk really, I just thought she really likes the number 5 you know, like it's her favorite number or something.

  • @maudline

    @maudline

    Жыл бұрын

    I think there’s some social media seo thing about this. So most likely to feed the algorithm

  • @tamannatazz5800
    @tamannatazz5800 Жыл бұрын

    When i knew about Narcissistic people i obseve my life again guess what i found out out of 10 people 7 people i sense that they were narcissistic. Even surprised my mom is the one. But seriously i am my late 20s, I scare to met new people or in general people who shows interest in me. I Don't know whats wrong with me. Why i fell like every person who shows interest with me i fell scared. And run off

  • @unforblue
    @unforblue Жыл бұрын

    I don’t know honestly. I was in a 25 year relationship and a year ago found out he had been hiding who he really was. I think there were several times I suspected something, but I wanted to believe in love and romance I suppose. My life has been turned upside down and I would not know where to begin again.

  • @marcpadilla1094
    @marcpadilla1094 Жыл бұрын

    I gotta be looking. I gotta be hungry cuz shes hungry. Theres simething wrong with me.?

  • @tamibenz6626
    @tamibenz6626 Жыл бұрын

    I’m not sure if you have done this yet? I’m new to your channel, so I apologize if I missed it. Anyway I was wondering if you did a video on the INFJ in comparison to each zodiac sign (strengths & weaknesses) I’m a Sagittarius. Or if you already did this please let me know 🙏🏻💐💕☀️

  • @alexdelarge8

    @alexdelarge8

    Жыл бұрын

    would also interest me!

  • @JoePAcalaughs
    @JoePAcalaughs Жыл бұрын

    Haha so true.

  • @marbus7184
    @marbus7184 Жыл бұрын

    Why not explain what all the abbreviated phrases mean?

  • @yoolia07
    @yoolia07 Жыл бұрын

    hy.. i think we are telepathically connected... want to talk?

  • @byronryan4216

    @byronryan4216

    10 ай бұрын

    😵‍💫

  • @whatsthetruth_review
    @whatsthetruth_review Жыл бұрын

    You kinda resemble Brittney Murphy 💗

  • @nourfattouh6547
    @nourfattouh6547 Жыл бұрын

  • @haleyconnor5365
    @haleyconnor5365 Жыл бұрын

    Very enlightening video, There’s this woman I got in touch with during the 2020 lockdown which cost me my job. Ms. Norman Davis helped me manage my assets by introducing my to the best trading platform and strategies, I earned a lot of $$$ working with Norman at the comfort of my home. I still keep in touch with the amazing lady

  • @ashliesatwick5977

    @ashliesatwick5977

    Жыл бұрын

    Hi there, I’m commenting from Switzerland . Interesting to know she connects with people from different parts of the world. Such an ambitious woman. I got in touch with Ms. Davis early this year. As a newbie in the market, I had little knowledge on predicting the stock market, but with Ms. Norman weekly analysis and advise profits are guaranteed! I received three times my initial deposit in a week!!

  • @eleanorchelsie6094

    @eleanorchelsie6094

    Жыл бұрын

    I have a master in mathematical finance, so it wasn’t so easy to get me convinced to begin an investment without me carrying out proper research on her. I had her broker ID checked and she’s fully verified! So I began with a few bucks, only to get huge returns in a month. I reinvested and now I get long term monthly returns… So glad I don’t rely on pay checks anymore.

  • @laraaniston8223

    @laraaniston8223

    Жыл бұрын

    Not a lot of people are aware of this new market, only a handful know how it works, I was fortunate to reach out to Ms. Davis the beginning of last year, she put me through the basics as a mentor would do, I learnt and earned massively from trading at the comfort of my home.

  • @audreyhermine9654

    @audreyhermine9654

    Жыл бұрын

    I’m trying to create long term wealth to set towards property one day . How can i reach out to her? she could be of great help

  • @haleyconnor5365

    @haleyconnor5365

    Жыл бұрын

    < normandavis

  • @stevequerin2504
    @stevequerin25045 ай бұрын

    REASON #1: WE'RE LOOKING FOR A PARTNER WHO IS OUR SOLUTION AND OUR PROJECT What you are describing is the Female Thought Process; and, not the Male Thought Process. ?What is the Male Thought Process Equivalency, or Alternative Male Thought Process?

  • @user-fw6lb2lx7s
    @user-fw6lb2lx7s3 ай бұрын

    This is all the wrong reasons that made my life miserable till now.

  • @danmarsh2011
    @danmarsh2011 Жыл бұрын

    I know what you’re looking for I’ve had many relationships but I know I can give you everything you want ❤

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