Have you had a hard time finding a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship?

@deborahwolff5651

2 жыл бұрын

Oh yes! I've had too many disappointments in relationships and since I went back to college to earn my degrees, I shut relationships out and concentrated on my studying. I graduated with high marks and have been single for many years. I have never been more happier. The damage from these toxic relationships took a toll on my health and I don't want to take a step backward unless it falls in my lap.

@Cesar-vw6po

2 жыл бұрын

well there's a reason, otherwise no ... have to complete healing lol, very damaged 🙃

@phunkyfootprint

2 жыл бұрын

48y old been living alone for 30years. Did the 'another country' thing lol. Plus everything you talk about in this video. Been realising some of it for myself but it's good to hear you talk about it the way you do. I would add, give it time, it's going to take a while to make that shift, it won't be an overnight thing and a bit of work, but that's fine.

@jacefire1

2 жыл бұрын

The energy I can give to look for a like-minded person is about 5% out of 100%- I'm content 95% of the time. People are exhausting. Also seeing the patterns in their lives, anything from unresolved trauma to self-damaging behaviors is hard not to walk away from.

@jacefire1

2 жыл бұрын

I wanna state one thing- you mentioned face forward and growing "It's not that easy, to find people that continually work on self-growth".

INFJs have a tendency to get into "build a bear" relationships- "broken wing," " I need saving" relationships. All that empathy and Fe driving you to always want to help and heal everyone except yourself. It can be a vicious cycle of caring for others, but usually getting let down by them in the end. You are so right- we do need to be our own biggest cheerleaders. We shouldn't be looking for someone to complete us, but to complement us. No soulmate, just a soul who wants what we want, and is willing to reciprocate the acts, feelings and desires that we give to them.

@SamsonPavlov

2 жыл бұрын

Yes...

@hugmc

2 жыл бұрын

Well said and truthful

@nodamekira8580

2 жыл бұрын

So, maybe that's why. I have a male infj friend who has many exes. Few months ago he broke up but it seems that he found a girl recently. I, a female infp, found it's really hard to open up to somebody because i don't trust people easily and he envy me cause i don't have ex. He always struggle when it comes to broke up and he do that "door slam" to his ex, and now he have a girl (i think, cause he posted her photos) again. He's my childhood friend that i cerish and i wanna him to have a stable and good relationship, but, i don't know. I can't read him. He's very private but sometimes share so much about his problems.

@notthatvashti8127

2 жыл бұрын

@@nodamekira8580 It's hard to say. INFJs tend to love really hard, and really deeply, so the fact that you say he has many exes and possibly over short periods of time may signal something. I don't know him, but most INFJs don't open up easily either, similar to INFPs. We crave a deepness that many people find hard to satisfy, we can possibly be a lot, but that's not a bad thing. Everyone deserves to be loved the way in which they need it. Maybe he's just testing the waters, trying to find that elusive person who gets him as fully as he needs to be gotten.

@nodamekira8580

2 жыл бұрын

@@notthatvashti8127 Well, yeah. He with his life and me with my own. But when he had the problems again, i'm gladly to hear that and help to find solutions. Actually i just know him an infj few months ago. Back then, i don't know him that much, we just communicate through messenger all years up till now. Ok, now i feel i'm overshare but thanks for your thoughts.

I’m 25 and I have been single my whole life. My sister says I have high standards but I don’t not think I do. I don’t care about looks, I only care about everything else lmao

@anangrysliceofpie3935

2 жыл бұрын

I love gfriend lol

@angeramirez25

2 жыл бұрын

Lmao I'm a 26yo INFJ and I've been also single my whole life lmao 😅

@jayleyy

2 жыл бұрын

Buddy, I'm with you :) I've been single my entire life (now 28). I told my elder sister that it's not about look because I personally don't dress up as well. It felt very.. Fake. To stage a first impression that won't last when one gets deeper into a relationship, such that it became a cause for argument "you've changed! You dressed up so well on our first date!" or things like that. For me, it's more about being comfortable with the one I cherished. I know first impression feels awkward but I want to present myself in my most comfortable state when i go on a date, and make the opposite party comfortable as well.

@aquariusstar7248

2 жыл бұрын

😆😆 25 and 26 yrs old and the "whole life" perspective! Too funny....less than 10 yrs of legal adult yrs

@melissashupe5732

2 жыл бұрын

And why shouldn't you have "high standards"? The opposite, low standards, would likely blow up in your face, unexpectedly. When anyone accuses you of having high standards, thank them for noticing. IMO

We can't find a partner because we are not really looking for one. I, for one, prefer solitude.

I'm at a point in my life right now at age 29 that I literally dont want a relationship or even to date anyone for the first time in my life and it feels so AMAZING, SO FREEING! I have spent my entire life wanting a relationship, wanting to be with that "special person", going out of my way to find or attract them. It makes me sick to think how much of my energy and time I wasted on that hamster wheel. I dont want it. And not in a "in denial" kind of way either. I'm so happy to be unbothered, alone and working on myself right now. The constant chase to find someone to make my life better came from such a subconscious mating process that had me running on autopilot like a robot or something. I cracked the code and no longer feel chained to it. I see how stupid it is.

@HaleyMary

2 жыл бұрын

I feel that way in my life now and I'm almost 37. I don't even care to date unless I happen to meet that right person. I'm just chasing my goals and allowing the universe to bring the right guy into my life when the time is right.

@micalanyah4384

2 жыл бұрын

I'm trying to gain this mindset so badly....

@askyalumumba3573

2 жыл бұрын

Smart

@binchilling5768

2 жыл бұрын

As an INTP I agree with you

@Mysticfateee

2 жыл бұрын

Feel like i just got into a similar point in life just recently myself. I turned 30 the day before this video came out and I knew i was fed up and started pushing myself to forget about others and focus on doing what i want to do. The main reason i got stuck in wanting a relationship for so long like yourself is because i'd been single for so many years, that to me it kind of just felt like i was "due" for a relationship. I would think "come on god, isn't it about time you lead a lady my way?" Through-out the years of being single i went from looking for a relationship to giving up and saying a relationship will find me, all the while not working on and growing myself at all. Not anymore, sure i still have someone in my eye but right now and the way she described INFJs and looking at relationships is how i saw this person; But deep down i feel there's a understanding that i've never felt from someone else before and that there is the potential for a great relationship. Although like i said, i'm no longer focusing on wanting to help them and put myself into their life; I'm working on growing myself, meeting new people and experiencing new things, finding new hobbies and doing things i've never done before. I've only just started doing this and still trying to push through the feelings of anxiety, but i hope the more i continue to the happier i will be with being alone and in time i hope that means love will find me... or something happens with me and the lady who has caught my eye

married at 40, been married 27 years, worked out great!

@hectorpikipiki

2 жыл бұрын

Alright, 40 is not never, just late lol

@fatboy1993v

2 жыл бұрын

I misread this, and thought you got married at 13 😭

@hectorpikipiki

2 жыл бұрын

@@fatboy1993v Yeah, me too haha

@fatboy1993v

2 жыл бұрын

@@hectorpikipiki 😂😂

@IDEALCONFIDANT

2 жыл бұрын

Congrats! This is inspiring.

I'm a male INFJ. I had almost given up thinking that I would find someone I would "fit" with. Then, I met an ENFP and found that there IS somebody who understands perfectly. She's my soul mate. She is absolutely perfect for me and I'm absolutely perfect for her 😊

@alliedorito3858

Жыл бұрын

My dad is an infj and my mom is an enfp❤️ Also my grandpa is an enfp and my grandma is an infj I hope I can find something like both of them when I get older -infj

@user-oq2hm3nk9e

Жыл бұрын

Awesome 👍

@nellautumngirl

6 ай бұрын

Aww 😊 💛 I'm an INFP and my partner is an INFJ. He asked me out, I said no out of habit and he just accepted it. Then I thought about it again and here we are three years later 😁

One woman I dated said it best, "Get a Life, then Get a Man".

@notthatvashti8127

2 жыл бұрын

Here, here! To thine own self be true!

@deborahwolff5651

2 жыл бұрын

Well said

If being too deep and sharing is overwhelming for other people, thats not something wrong with you (or me) as being an INFJ. I scared off too many people, and had been too intense. I was never using other people as an escape or an excuse. I always viewed a partner as an expansion, an addition to my life. So having focused on myself and having been single almost my entire life...I just continue to be too intense and deep.

@chadjcrase

2 жыл бұрын

I think it means we're part of something bigger, Paul.

@imikola2

Жыл бұрын

I am very intense.. and find dating and the conversations very shallow and superficial. I guess I’m looking for a spiritual connection

I'm attracted to extroverts, and they are to me, but it also stresses me. As an INFJ, people can drain my energy if I spend too much time with them. There is also an intense artist and creative component to INFJ that if not developed and nurtured will leave life feeling meaningless. IMO as a INFJ you really need to be careful about who you share your space with and to what degree. In addition, we often appear odd to other people. They view our psychological needs as weakness or ridiculous. At 25 I'm not looking for a life partner, but I cannot comprehend being attached at the hip with someone else. The thought instantly makes me feel crowded and restricted. I cannot imagine a partner giving me the type of freedom I need to be able to tolerate a relationship. Being a INFJ requires a large amount of energy expended on self-management, so it does not make me insane from the constant stimulation the environment is pouring onto me along with a mind that never stops creating, imagining and thinking. There is self-management or being a Bitch with all the remorse and guilt afterward and not much in between. I hate being an INFJ, yet I would never want to be anything else.

@DesertMoon

2 жыл бұрын

Have you looked into Elaine Aron's Highly Sensitive Person? It's possible to be both INFJ and HSP.

@qazedc3

2 жыл бұрын

@@DesertMoon that's me! The book is on my list ✌

@mrMacGoover

Жыл бұрын

You need a sigma male in your life, he values alone time and will gladly give you yours. He is adventurous so he'll make sure you don't become too much of a hermit and take you on little adventures. Some sigma males are empaths and have a sense of duty to do right and treat others all fair and as equals, they don't try to change who you are but might try stretching you in positive ways that later you'll feel glad you did.

@katherinekelly6432

Жыл бұрын

@@mrMacGoover Agreed but how people present themselves. especially when sexual desire is involved, is very different than what and who they actually are. Add to this that there seems to be a determination among men in my age group to avoid responsibility and personal development. A true sigma male is very rare and probably twice my age.

@paradigmshift7541

Жыл бұрын

What you're saying sounds really attractive to me, because you would understand me and i understand you, but I don't see two INFJs working out 😁

This is all why we are narcissistic bait. :( I get what you're saying but why is it a bad trait to be a really deep person? Why are people so afraid to have deep conversations? It would be so boring to be with someone who doesn't enjoy these types of conversations.

@mitchellschool9950

2 жыл бұрын

Word to this. Narcissistic bait for sure.

@nemesis91101

2 жыл бұрын

Hit me with something then dm me.

@peachysparkles

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a deep person who wants to be with another deep person. Saying we shouldn't be this way is like saying a person who isn't as deep is shouldn't want someone who isn't deep too. Like everyone has a right to find what they match with. :/

@nemesis91101

2 жыл бұрын

@@peachysparkles I like to go deep right off the bat. I need you dislike me asap so I don't waste my time and efforts on something that's not worth time and effort because we aren't compatible. _I meet someone_ ➡️ _I tell them Lego people live in houses made of their own flesh_ ➡️ _they leave_ ➡️ _I meet someone_ ➡️...

@k.taylor1774

2 жыл бұрын

Today i am just being myself with a learned reserve in order to process responses.

After my divorce (been very codependet) I focused on myself and totally understood what Emma Watson once said and people laughed at, that she "is in a relationship with herself", and what you said "I will be so happy with that person" "my life will be so great", I'm applying all on this on myself and it motivates me so much to become the person that gives me everything (But I have to add that I'm a loner and don't want a family or a partner) Actually my relationships hindered me from becoming the person of my dreams :/

@m2pozad

2 жыл бұрын

I don't buy the female loner life. See a therapist to make sure you know what you are doing.

INTP: What I read in the personality groups is that the INFJ's ideal soulmate is the INTP. The problem with this is that we're also only 1% of the population, and we're as reclusive as you (INFJs) are - very hard to find. Surprisingly, I've found a few INFJs in my life, and let them all get away, even though they slipped so comfortably into my world, as though they owned it. Our conversations were always so deep and intimate, interesting, fun and funny. Thing is, it's a lot harder for us to spot you than it is for you to spot us in a crowd. If you want us to ask you out, you almost have to smack us in the nose. Some INFJs actually asked me out, seemingly pretending that it wasn't a date. Or maybe it was and I just didn't see that. So the next time you come across that nerdy science guy, especially the one who likes motorcycles, fast cars and scuba diving, get close to him (or her, as the case may be) and say "Hi!". But bear in mind that you may have to ask him (or her) out, because we're really socially inept. We're brilliant scientists and engineers, but we're kinda crappy at dating. Also, we're not very good at escalating in relationships. So stop dating all those players, which is why you're still alone, and start looking for us quiet guys, who have our noses buried in books.

I’m an INFJ, which I still refuse to believe, but every few years I retake my test and still receive the same answer. A lot of it makes sense, especially when I refer to my day to day life. That being said, I think if you fall head over heels into A catagory that’s tells you YOU ARE this, you will manifest that. I have been with my partner for almost 14 years. It is possible to have a healthy relationship as an INFJ. I know for myself, I refuse to have a label dictate how I am or how I should be. This is such a great and informative video!

Yeah, I am INFJ and its really hard.

My circle is so small, I have no friends. I'm divorced and been single for 10+ years. I have enjoyed the years "learning myself." Some days I feel broken because I feel people don't understand me. I pray the right person is out there. That he'll find me and see what a jewel I am. Until then, I'll remain a single.😩

@CorwinYoutube

2 жыл бұрын

OMG, you described me. Single ten years this summer after a very painful divorce. I've spent my "quiet" years learning about myself, learning to appreciate who I am, and working to become a better person every day. It has been gratifying but, as you wrote, I feel like I may never meet that special person who will understand me (or at least try). I wish you the best and hope you soon find someone to share your life with.

@ericgoingoverseas5064

2 жыл бұрын

@@CorwinKZread Same here...12 years and counting.

Being single for over 10 years because all of the things you mentioned in the video . Very helpful , thank you Wenzes.

@fosthedoll

2 жыл бұрын

Please watch Greta high value school on KZread. This video is bs

Be whole, complete, happy with yourself first. THEN see what you attract. If you dont like what you are attracting, see my first statement. For me, it would have to be someone actively and happily pursuing their purpose in life. I would not settle for less..ie, rather be by myself.

Have I had a hard time finding a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship? Yes. After a divorce, and a few short-term relationships that did not work out so well, I began a journey for self-improvement, focus on my career, and my hobbies. I have enjoyed the single life. Being a bachelor has been different and enjoyable. I do hope to meet a single fine lady, in person one day. I actually hope she is also an INFJ or similar personality type so that we both will have mutual respect, and a good understanding of one another. I just want a "return investment". Her and I both bringing plenty into the relationship together.

@notthatvashti8127

2 жыл бұрын

Define- "fine lady." Just kidding. I hope you find her also!

@QueMeVezWei

2 жыл бұрын

@@notthatvashti8127 like a ticket on the dash - Drake

@notthatvashti8127

2 жыл бұрын

@@QueMeVezWei Nails done, hair done, everything did; you fancy, huh? I like Drake's God's Plan!

@QueMeVezWei

2 жыл бұрын

@@notthatvashti8127 lol right? Yeah he’s got some great songs lol have a happy infj Sunday 😂 🙏

@notthatvashti8127

2 жыл бұрын

@@QueMeVezWei 🙏

I've been single all my life (I'm almost 40) and I never felt like anything's missing in my life. I do have good friends, though, who have helped me in my darkest hours - I've always thought this is the most important thing. I can't close my eyes to people's major flaws, like other persons do and I can't pretend I feel things that I don't like others do.

Knowing what I know I find my life so much more fulfilling without another person around me continuously... life is just so much better .. being at peace and to spend time on really important projects are so much more fulfilling .. my energy levels are so much higher .. Thank you so much ..

In big summary, stay yourself. Welcome to people who want to take part in :)

Was married 28 years and my son and wife passed. After seeing the modern woman, it’s like I walked off a mountain into a parallel universe. Two words; tic tok! Women today are narcissistic toddlers and I’m not a baby sitter. I love myself and I’ll stay single. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze!

@FistOfHatred

2 жыл бұрын

@@Marochka Wasnt better before. Different. We have To adapt though. At best it created an era of grinding folks, at worst, a generation of unfulfilled zombies

@petalchild

2 жыл бұрын

Maybe the issue is your misogyny.

@FistOfHatred

2 жыл бұрын

@@petalchild can a man be called out on the subject of misogyny after 28 years of mariage ? C:

@stebarg

2 жыл бұрын

If someone uses TikTok, it's a surefire sign it's a narcissistic idiot. My wife is one of those people. We met about 10 years ago, and I had the illusion that it's possible to make a good person out of her. That was my biggest mistake in my life so far. She fucked up our lives completely. But she can find a new partner/ victim in a heartbeat with TikTok and co.

@DesertMoon

2 жыл бұрын

Today's young women have adapted to today's young men. Today's young men want instant gratification and if they don't get it from one woman, they will go to another, immediately. Today's young women are trying to act like young men because they have to. There's far less room on the field now for them to act like a woman.

:smiles tearfully: From my perspective I have to disagree that we can *never* find someone who can be all we want them to be ... because I did. But I do agree that such an outcome is vanishingly rare. I was in my early forties before it happened and it turned my life around. But cancer came for her nine years ago to the hour and my heart has never recovered since. She had me promise that I would not follow her before my natural time and that I would find someone else but, whilst my will is strong enough to keep the first half of that promise (little as I want to keep living without her) I have found that the world is not particularly full of people like her and most are playing the 'game' for their own advantage.

@elliottsmith7530

2 жыл бұрын

🙏🏾

@angeramirez25

2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry for your loss.

@LatIenws

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry for your loss but definitely sounds like she loved you ❤. You may not find anyone else like her but someone else might also surprise you, that said you are allowed to be feel, make your own decisions and be loyal to whoever you want. Perhaps you’re more than happy to wait for her☺️ you’re lovely, wish you the best.

@ambraiezzi5037

Жыл бұрын

Don’t worry you’ll see her again. 😉

@Coneman3

Жыл бұрын

Life can definitely feel too raw for us INFJs. It’s like we see so much it makes us care too much.

This is funny, I've always had a hard time attaching to men. I realize my most important relationships were escapes and I love the exciting parts of their life. Also, I felt unfilled in these relationships. Took self reflection for me to realize I have to pursue my passions and create a life I love. Once I started doing this, I became very happy and dealt with less depression. I remember taking on others problems in my relationships. Not taking into account, it was not my job. Yes be supportive but do not try to solve their problems

I'm 29, male, and found the love of my life almost ten years ago, we're now expecting our first kid. She's an ENFJ, which seems to be a perfect match. She's super patient, understanding and the joy of my life. It's possible as long as you remember you are you and they are they, don't change yourself more than you want, and don't expect them to change more than they're comfortable with. Try to find positive spins on the things you'd hope would be different when it comes to the small things, and just enjoy life for what it is.

Wenzes...i truly appreciate you. Your timing is so amazing to me. I was just sitting here writing in my journal abt my need to let go of the fantasy that no one is going to come into my life and make it exciting, go deep with me and help me escape my reality. I could feel the heaviness in my chest. My nervous system is so raw and lit up now as everyday i take another step planning my new life with new goals and dreams and releasing the old life of looking towards a partner to give me the confidence to achieve my goals. This new way is tough but i never want to lean on someone else like that again. I never want to lose myself in another the way i have previously. I know i have to find the confidence and strength within myself right now. And i realized this from watching your videos. Thank you so much

@derealratos6332

2 жыл бұрын

Same exact situation. I wrote my thoughts in a file called advice.txt Thanks alot Wenzes

@joncarbone

2 жыл бұрын

Good. Because no man/person exists that can make a woman happy. Besides, Chad and Tyrone don't want a relationship. They want their freedom.

Me, an INTP: (taking notes)

I have been in the un-healed INJF relationship and I learnt to understand and accept my part in the fall of that relationship. I’m now healed and looking for someone who has there own goals and plans so our lives can come together as one instead trying to fit in one another’s life… but I’m starting to a the notion that they don’t exist.

ENFJ here. A lot of this I relate to. Thank you so much for validating my emotions, but showing me realism, too.

Oh my god that is so me! Thanks for pointing it out, I never understood till recently that I had a deep subconscious problem and insecurities that is causing this pattern, and why I was never interested in men who live around! It was always long distance for me. Thanks for making this video and giving us a better understanding.

Wenzes so great to hear all this from you! You have confirmed the process I have gone through for the last 12 years. My life is so great now and if there is going to be another lady in my life, then it will be on a totally different level...

I stopped caring for relationships a while ago. It takes too much time and effort for me personally to deal with the drama that comes with most modern women and all the drama that they want in order to make them feel happy/validated so I've become sort of detached because it's the same pattern of behavior in most cases and I don't like putting myself through that. If you ever listen to Tupac, basically the hook for his song 'All about you' is what I see every day lol. I don't quite get the distance relationship thing though. For me personally, a romantic interest shouldn't be more than a reasonable driving distance away(that means 60mins or less).

Your vulnerability really humanizes this message. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Getting ready to watch this again. I couldn't understand why the person I'm with, and other of 3 wives couldn't get to my level. I also have a bachelor's in psych and at 63 have had many life experiences. This makes it all the more difficult. This video gave me a new perspective to see many things from. Noone understands the way I love and so I have to look at relationships different and it's sad I cant get as much as I could give but everyone's different. Life is strange that's for sure.

This video was really groundbreaking for me. I come from a Trauma and full time carer background so hearing a clear and rational reasoning behind why this is so important, and from another INFJ makes all the difference in how I can now prioritize this and implement this into my life! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️

I just turned 33 on the 1st; and I had never heard of INFJ- but you spoke to me so much just now I cant believe it thank you so much for your message

It's about meeting someone doing the same thing and you are excited doing it and that creates a spark

My challenge is a little bit different. My challenge is that I'm already building the life that I want and I genuinely feel like my life only gets better and better every day, but when I meet people or go on dates this life I'm building makes my expectations even higher. So the irony, in my case, is that the more I build the life that I want the more I feel like the person I choose to add to my life has to meet higher and higher criterias. Particularly the criteria of being able to fulfill this need of connecting deeply and full acceptance of everything I am. Also, I like individuals that have an extremely high level of self-awareness and empathy. And when I say high, I mean high. But most people don't have such high levels of self-awareness & empathy, so then I made a challenge here as well. Yes, these are all my issues that I have to be aware of and continue to work on, but very interesting.

Change is scary but soon turns to excitement. Do good ,be better and the best will come.

Holy shit, I’m mind blown! Thank you so much for this information I’ve struggled my whole life with my love life and didn’t understand why, this has opened my eyes and made me put less blame on myself 🖤

Ok... This is my second comment on this video. This video is so "dead on" accurate, that I'm listening to it again, and am still extrapolating more juicy tidbits. I'm gonna go for a 3rd listening. I'm really learning what's been the source of my problems... ME!

Thank you for all your videos, they are so inspiring and helpful. You are doing amazing work for the INFJ community.

8 yrs done that, I just wish I'd found all this earlier in life 56 but still amazing the accuracy, thanks for sharing ☝️✨️

This is really helpful! Could you make a video series about INFJ as an employee and the things they struggle with and how to address it. For instance, INFJ's tend to miss out "small details" at work and since we are critically sensitive to criticism, if those mistake is being pointed out we tend to overthink it. Thank you so much 💗

Oh, girl. You know, and you know a lot! Thank you for the video of today.

Thanks for your words Wenzes!!!, we have to put ourselves in first place, your videos have shown me a New perspective Of how improve myself, my life partner , and my future plans Of living my amazing life like you say “in our terms” and Focus in my self love!!

What an amazingly insightful video! As amazing and revelatory as the video content is for me, the comments are equally enlightening! 🙏

Talk about a pertinent topic! My experience was: (1) being open to finding someone (2) but not being in a hurry and (3) being constantly pressured to "find someone." When I moved from my home in Michigan to South Texas, it went from bad to worse. It was constant pressure -to find a partner and to find him yesterday. Actually, I enjoyed my single life. The problem was that when I was younger, I watched a lot of the dynamic you described in the video, and it was happening in the lives of my friends and family. I didn't want any part of it! It seemed like I would have to give up who I was in order to give to the other person. I believe we need to really let go of other people's opinions and trust our own judgment. My husband and I met on our own terms, under super circumstances. We had a lot of important things in common. After eleven and a half years, he passed away. I still miss him, and I can truly say that we made some great memories together. We did it our way, and while that's true of most people, I think that for us INFJs its especially true.

@k.taylor1774

2 жыл бұрын

I’m glad you found your way by trusting your own instincts.

This is such a great video! So much true facts in it! I'm happily married for almost 25 years and I don't expect my husband to make me happy, I already are. Working though on healthy friendships. Thank you Wenzes for these helpfull insights!

This is the way. This woman knows stuff.

Never give up and if you need to make some life changes then it’s okay. I learned a lot about myself from being an opioid addict. I’m going on my 10th year of being clean come October 20,2024. Going through drug rehab, you learn so much about yourself. Most people are more focused on getting out or getting high when they get released. I was completely voluntary in 13 residential rehabs and 30+ outpatient treatments. I never gave up.

As an INFJ who is now engaged I can't say enough how true the first couple statements she just said are. Things change and you get there. Just keep at it

I feel so called out rn. This is scary accurate!!

Thank you for confirming my life’s choices 😊. I’m working on myself right now and it really feels right

I’ve spent 13/18 adult years single. I know my values & purpose & live accordingly. Aside from the fact I’m a sapiosexual who’s only attracted to brunette men, I think my decisiveness has something to do with it. Some people need 5 years, 3 kids & a divorce to work out someone’s not the one... All I seem to need is a second (at best), or a weekend (at worst). I can see into the future with someone & 99.99% of the time I don’t like what I’m seeing. Not sure if that’s INFJ, or just me?

@15MinutesofChaos

2 жыл бұрын

That's me too, except for brunette only, lol. I too see it pretty early if it's going to work and don't care to waste my time after that. However, I am currently trying level up my life my life by pursuing travel and new hobbies that are interesting to me. Hope that helps attract more like minded men.

@evegreenification

2 жыл бұрын

Can relate.

@colindavis2113

2 жыл бұрын

Yep I feel you. I was just thinking yesterday about all the attractive women that have been into me over the years and opportunities I passed up simply because I couldn’t see it working out. I never tried either but little red flags tipped me off and I’m like “I don’t want to deal with that”. been single for almost 10 years and only went on a few dates towards the beginning of that time

@germanalvizo3192

2 жыл бұрын

I can see your future too. A couple pets and thats it

@thaliabloom5916

2 жыл бұрын

@@germanalvizo3192 you should charge $$ for that, but instead you're here doing it for free lol

I think this may be true for people. I don’t think it’s an INFJ thing. The majority of the people in the world are codependent.

@jacefire1

2 жыл бұрын

sorry for the "cut and paste" but I disagree- (The 7 Fundamental Human Needs) Safety and survival. Understanding and growth. ****Connection (love) and acceptance.***** Contribution and creation. Esteem, Identity, Significance. Self-direction (Autonomy), Freedom, and Justice. Self-fulfillment and self-transcendence. **Also look-up isolation and the effects on the psychosis***

@rogercameron6912

2 жыл бұрын

That's what I'm hoping gets dragged out into the light in conversations like these. Isolation can do irreparable damage. I feel like my own psyche is being affected by this.

@evadebruijn

2 жыл бұрын

@@jacefire1 All good and well but a romantic partnership is not the only source of love. You can love anything and anyone, friends family you name it, or pets or even orchid cultivation if that is what makes your heart sing.

@jacefire1

2 жыл бұрын

@@evadebruijn True, but a cat can't make you feel sexy or have a stimulating conversation. They also can't grow "spiritually, mentally" with you. So I ask myself- do I need this great stuff in my life or am I making excuses, and faking being happy.

@evadebruijn

2 жыл бұрын

@@jacefire1 I'd have to give that what you brought up some more thought before I can give a reply that makes at least some sense :)

In my opinion, most infjs don't like small talk or bs and don't try for love because we see your lies and have a whole relationship with a person with every outcome possible in are heads to see if it's worth it. most times it's not , also if the person is in doubt or nervous you sense it and back off

@Pearlofperfection

2 жыл бұрын

Yes that’s true. I try to ask to clarify my intuition because I can be wrong but lol nope! And sensors I know from moment they talk, type, they’re one..

This video was like a slap in the face (in a good way).. everything you said fits the bill.

Thank you so much, progress and filling my cups with creativity 🦋

Thank you so much now I understand myself so much better not just this video particular but all your videos thank you❤

This channel is God sent 👑 much love ❤️

Yes, you are definitely talking about me as usual.

I needed this one Wenzes... Thank you for posting it. You're the best! 🙂👍🏼

Lol I've dated before but they didn't last for long. I always realized short after it started that I'm better off alone. I only liked the idea of 'liking' someone but not being in a relationship.

Biggest point - save yourself because no one else can !

Same as the comment below. Perfect timing. I was thinking about whether I should stay single or not, and why it's so hard to find "the one" and you know, the whole INFJ thing. I'm currently interested in someone who lives in another country and that was actually my question. Like, do I really like them or am I just dreaming about this fictional life that may or may not happen, where I feel like my life has achieved a purpose? The life where I sacrifice my freedom to choose where to go, what to do, where to live, because I always put their before mine. You've answered all the doubts that have been haunting my mind these days. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Loved the explanation about focusing on oneself 💕

Wenzes, I appreciate this topic and your insights as per usual (been listening for 6 years). I would like to add though - I'm not sure I'd ever feel satisfied in my life, whether on my own or with a partner. IMHO, nothing will eternally satisfy us. Everything turns to dust, boredom seeps in, ultimately. I have c-ptsd and insecurities I shall always battle, like a grief. In fact, trying to wait until I am satisfied caused me to be either partner less or accepting less suitable ones that appeared in life... As I was lonely but figured I just wasn't happy enough on my own to really seek the relationship I want yet. That day may never come, and maybe it did for you, but you are very assertive and believe in yourself. This is not so true for many of us humans. Many of us have terribly deep emotional scars that have constant storylines attached to it. I find it so important to recognize relationships CAN be a healthy space for growing. I do agree that we ought to be mindful of codependence. Yet healthy interdependence is so worth striving toward. There's a call to be careful of the perfectionistic scaffolding with the INFJ mind. Even just being a few steps further than a year ago may be all that you need to begin a relationship. Healthy relationships can be some of the most healing spaces, far better than can be imagined. Doesn't mean it's not hard, just means that it can matter

Great times with solitude and celibate is the best way to live this life. Got it and I will be ready for tomorrow.

Thank you 🙏 you’ve helped me change my life especially in my workplace.

At least y’all know the struggle too, I feel like people tend to envy our skills and then in turn it can turn to jealousy. I feel like it can be hard to play coy sometimes if I really wanna just be myself and put myself out there. Not to be a pessimist but it hurts getting cold shouldered sometimes when I just want to cheer people up. I’ve been untouched as far as any love but Ik I stay clean, perhaps I’m to hard to get or picky but being alone this long really can pick apart self esteem regardless if your health physically and are confident with looks. Watching the video I’m starting to understand that I gotta find like a social playbook to not over invade others space. I see hope in my future but I can’t forget the scars of the past as they provide a sense of wisdom. And you know what they say, chics dig scars lol. (had to vent before the train of thought left the station… sorry but I really gotta stop saying sorry tbh)

Wow! Very accurate! Thanks for the video! As an INFJ, it helps to know I'm not the only one having a hard time finding a "suitable" mate (misery loves company🤣). So far, I've been involved in 2 long distance relationships, one of which I'm still in. Esther Perel commented about the problem with modern relationships in general. She said its the expectations we have, that our mate will take care of ALL of our emotional needs. But, in the past, that used to be taken care of by an entire village. No one person can do that. So, I'm assuming that this picky trait is more pronounced in INFJs.

Nicely worded! Great video!!

My biggest problem is that I don't have anything to say. On a date or literally anything else I would vr happy to just sit and listen to everything and anything the other person is saying all while sitting and smiling back at them. I can ask questions but generally I find it extremely difficult to even make jokes or put myself out there to begin with. I'd rather just sit and listen to the other person rant about anything.

Amazing... this hit the nail on the head for me... I have a bit of work to do on myself

So well articulated.

How are you not the most famous MBTI KZreadr? You make videos often that I NEED to see

@Tified967

Жыл бұрын

Yes as a behavioural INFJ but Wenzes is not a cognitive INFJ; there is a huge difference as behaviour & cognition shouldn't be conflated.

This is important for any and everyone. You should have a life you love and are secure and happy with yourself. Before people are brought into the mix. You should look for a companion that adds to your good life. And you add to there's.

haha, good thumbnail Wenzes. the struggle is real. 😂

Oh my god...you are actually right...now i realized it.

Thank you for this video. 🙂 You never know what you dont know until someone tells you lol

You are doing a great job here. Feels like you know me. Great help this is....!!!

Be happy as if you're in the play ground doing what you choose and enjoying it

I feel both called out and validated. Hello :')

At this point, I am ok at being single and taking care of myself. Just as long as I stay productive and have a small circle of friends, I'm ok. My current perspective of having a relationship is in being in a relationship with my faith in Jesus.

Sometimes people actually just are careless and I don't vibe with that

This is a life saver!

About “codependency and depending on another person to live your life”: as my true purpose is to be a husband and father, I’m aware (after 10+ yrs) I have to ask the important compatibility questions when chatting with a potential partner.

This is an eye opening video, I needed to know this.. Thank you..

My Twin and I are INFJs. We alway know we were different. This past Nov we moved in with each other, as roommates, after 20 plus years apart. It’s not easy. Getting a little taste of what I put people threw. Lots of learning going on, in are household.

Hi I'm Jaroslav 42 and single. That journey did not disappoint me. I don't want to change. I am reconciled to who I am. Thank you for the lighting. I try to interfere in the lives of others only when necessary. Otherwise, it's manipulation. But seeing someone's happiness is really satisfying. Like a drug. Laughter. It is the same with sadness or grief. There I think twice whether it is right to intervene. We cannot deprive them of experience. We find someone callous and emotionless. We don't care what he thinks of us. Finding balance is a long way. The relationship would bore me. Duties I don't care about but make a girlfriend happy. I'm not into it. Sometimes I scare myself when I feel that.

Thanks so much for this video! I am in a long distance relationship now and it is just exactly as you said here….. In the beginning of the relationship, I thought I am INFP and my fiancé is INFJ but I realise later that actually it is the reverse. I never been in another relationship before, and I thought this relationship is wonderful and unique. We are deeply emotionally engaged (like soulmate) but in reality a lot of things just can’t work out. It is breaking my heart to break up with him, but I know it is the right thing to do.

INFJ’s are very compatible with each other. Great chemistry actually. However, attraction is pretty low between us

Your videos are so helpful! Thank you!

Great stuff

I realized this. I'm working on myself after leaving a 10yr relationship where I lost myself and because I went in with nothing, I left with nothing. Fixing that. I wanna enjoy some single time and getting to a solid point in my life that a relationship wouldn't derail my life again

LMAO your thumbnail is the classic INFJ look

Excellent!

The ironic truth about us. We have a vision of how should our relationship be, but we still push it in the wrong direction. It's a matter of how oftern we rethink and recalculate our relationship with someone and that isn't constsntley easy and comfortable, but in one way or another the truth will take it's toll no matter how consciously or subconsciously we are tring to decieve ourselfs.