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I totally agree with the "i just speak my mind" folks. Best advice is to walk away...

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

You have to give each relationship what it needs, and sometimes that is distance.

I am definitely one who says too much...I want everybody to be my friend. It has never worked, wonder why?! Thank you for your great content, I always learn something.

@chriswilson2834

2 жыл бұрын

i am the same

@christianrodriguez1720

2 жыл бұрын

Lol it’s worked for me plenty. Certain people can pull it off.

“...Our relationship isn’t that level. We’re not personal like that.” “Pull back. Be less friendly and more professional.”

Yes!! Talking too much is the major trouble maker at work. Major.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Yep.

This channel is gold. I’m first generation Hispanic college graduate and this channel has helped me navigate the “corporate world”. Thanks man I appreciate what you are doing.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Happy to help, Escobar--very happy :)

Incorporating certain skills learned here immediately changed old ideas that weren’t serving me. I was causing my own problems, which is perfect because I’m the one who can change my reactions, my feelings and my thoughts, too.

I've always had a problem standing up for myself, mostly because I grew up with a Mother who would get louder, more aggressive/scarier every time I would stand up for myself, this would intimidate me into being quiet and when I would call her out on it, the whole parent-child dynamic would dominate the conversation. Today at 24, I have a supervisor at work who is *exactly* like my Mother in this regard and I psyche myself up to go stand up to her, then when I go up to her I freeze & can't defend myself, I hate it.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Jazzy, can you give an example? What do you want to "stand up to her" about? What is she doing, and does it affect you?

@JazzyJ96771

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords she has a very rude & aggressive tone of voice & every time she speaks to me like that I just get upset but never do anything about it & she picks apart everything I say “wrong” & critiques me for it, but somehow she thinks she’s always justified for it. It affects me in the sense that I feel nervous & sick every time I have to work with her

@mariandavid8690

Жыл бұрын

​@Jazzy J It sounds as if your supervisor's overly aggressive tone and criticisms are likely triggering that same parental fear, due to having parents like mine who get loud, critical and scary any time they aren't fully in control of the conversation. I can see why even a simple convo with your Supervisor would feel like a nightmare! I've found myself in that situation too and had to learn to separate my anger towards my parents from my Supervisor's criticisms so it wouldn't feel so personal. It is hard to do, but with negative or hurtful people/co-workers like this, I've found the best response is quietly Smiling back at them, and deflecting into the next subject. Repeat what they said, look like you are in deep thought, and compliment them for "bringing this to my attention". They want to get a reaction and see you struggle or get upset, but all you'll give them is a friendly smile, a "Y'Know, I will work on that. Thank you. You are always so knowledgeable and I so appreciate your insight." What can they say when you handle it like more of a pro than they are? They will realize you are too enlightened to pull down into the dark, and will find someone else to do this with! Stay strong and Never let them see you sweat!

The “No Filter” lady you acted out?...I work with her exactly. JANET is her name, of course. Thank you, I needed this.

@brentboyden771

3 жыл бұрын

Google.com.

@brentboyden771

3 жыл бұрын

Google.com.

@brentboyden771

3 жыл бұрын

Google.com

@indiabrooks4929

3 жыл бұрын

I have one too and her name is Janet too

I am now retired, however, I still find your advice applicable in my life. ❤❤👍

@TheWizardOfWords

10 ай бұрын

Great. Most of what I teach is applicable to both home and work, with a little common sense of course :)

This is the best advice for work communication I have heard. Very detailed. I encourage people to watch the whole thing to get the most benefit!

I love how you edit your videos, it's so engaging and funny 👌🏻

I totally agree with what you have said. I talk far too much at work. HOWEVER, some colleagues DONT TALK ENOUGH because they lack confidence and rely on everyone else to speak up for them. These types are easily irritated or build up resentment because they are frustrated they cannot express what they want. I need to learn to reduce my 'communication expenditure' to some extent but it has opened a LOT of doors for me because if you dont TALK you dont GET.....Thanks Dan!

Yes yes Dan the slayer man 🎉

Well, this hit home in a big way. A needed way. PS: I am not a person who says, "I speak my mind" but as soon as I hear someone else say it or some sort of variation, I automatically know that that is likely just another way to signal that, "Hey, I'm a jerk, but I'm going to pretend/tell myself & others its just admirable 'brutal honesty'." I call that BS.

@TheWizardOfWords

7 ай бұрын

Prefacing a comment with "I speak my mind," or "I'm just being honest" is normally cover for "I am going to be tasteless and rude; I hope you don't mind." Not everything that comes into one's head should be coming out of one's mouth.

I work with some really interesting folk that have no boundaries or care for what they do and these tools are very helpful.

At times I have spoken my mind, thanks for opening my eyes!

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Happy to be of help, No 1 X.

Thank God I found you. I have to fly in a plane in 2 weeks for my mother 's memorial and interact with other humans I haven't addressed in years. I am going to be listening to everyday. So thank you.

I needed this video before 6 march. I messed up my whole work life for being opiniated. But I am so GRATEFUL that I saw this video today. I need to grow and I need to learn to think more before I speak. And I keep a lot to myself :)

Not "I have an idea," but "I've come up with a solution."

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Preferably

What does it mean ..is it constructive? Wow, thank you

Informative AND funny ! 💯😂

Love your advice. Always great videos.

Dan, you are a beacon of light

You're amazing. Thank you :)

Thanks Dan ♥️ for answering my question

This is gold. Thank you. I am sharing this with everyone I love.

Thank you for these videos I find them to be very healing it feels great to finally understand the solution 💗

Dude.. you are awesome!!

Ty so much for all of this omg. A minute in and I'm like wow this is what I needed today. Thank you SO much. Wow.

Great content. Thank you!

I love your Vids! They are entertaining and informative. Thank you for sharing.

OMG! You are so good! Thank you Dan. 5 STARS!

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Donna. That will help make up for all the stars the nuns DIDN'T put on my papers. Safe to say they either didn't like me or didn't get me. Lucky my mom thought I was cute or I would have been scarred forever.

Thank you! You are the answer to my prayers.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

I hesitate to ask what you were praying for, India. (Just kidding--and thank you!)

Great advice as always Dan! Thanks :)

This is a fab video thank you ❤

Loved it

OK, I see this video is a year old, but I still want to say thank you for it! The specific examples, and the "translating" of what is literally said to what is heard / interpreted is very very very helpful. If you ever feel like branching out, tailoring your videos to neurodivergent ppl (those with ADHD, autism, anything else similar) would be amazing. I am someone who is misinterpreted ALL THE TIME, simply bc I don't understand what ppl are concluding, based on what I'm saying (and it's never good, of course)... but other neurodivergent ppl understand me just fine. We need translators, lol.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

I've been asked many times via email and through KZread responses if I would reach out to neurodivergent (thank you for this term) people with my message. I'm hoping they'll find me because I have no idea how to find them. There appears to be something about the clarity of the words I suggest that would be helpful. The most I can do is suggest to people who are neurodivergent that they recommend this channel to other people in that same group. If there is more I can do, I'm certainly open to suggestion and would like to help.

@moniques1377

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Maybe we're too good at blending in, LOL! There are a few big entities on various social media platforms (I know of a few ADHD and autism ones; Totally ADD on KZread, for example)... But IDK how to effectively explain why they should take my (me, a random person they don't know) suggestion to watch & promote your channel. Guess I'll need to think about that one for a bit. If I think of anything useful, I'll send you an email :)

🙂🙂Great advice thank you!👌🏽👌🏽

So very glad I found you - I became a member right away! The pinpoint accuracy of what you illustrate is what I see in my day-to-day and exactly what skills I need to focus on and I can see that there is much to learn from you. THANK YOU!

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your membership and your support and your words. Words are my focus because I've found theory to be useless :)

This has shone light into all the styles of communication I was taught isn’t always correct. Thank you for sharing this content. This will not be an easy process, but this will change my dynamics of my work place and myself to the right path.

Excellent advice. Thank you.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome, and I hope you subscribed, Rowena.

You are brilliant

I am learning a lot here ..thank you

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Patisa, please consider becoming a member of my channel. kzread.info/dron/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.htmljoin

good info and and well done video - love all the transitions to emphasize points. BTW, i think that the white bookshelves would love amazing if you painted them dark red.

Part of my job sometimes entails prolonged periods of time when a team has to focus on my instructions and stay in communication with me. There are times when I feel them losing focus and our flow begins to break down. I realize they may be weary, i get tired of hearing the sound of my own voice as well! My voice will become literally hoarse in those moments!!! Thank you for giving me some new strategies to practice to command the needed respect and full attention I need to lead us into a more consistently successful operation. I’m already seeing small improvements and I look forward to learning more!!!

Great content!

this is the most beneficial video on this topic I have ever seen! brilliantly created with clear and precise steps!

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Olympia thank you so much. My goal is to create precise steps, techniques, words that can be immediately applied to facilitate mindful, effective, respectful communication. Thank you for your affirmation and please be sure to share these videos. Dan

Not the dunce hat 😆 Dan you are absolutely the wizard of words!!!

Thank You Dan

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome, Christina.

This is such a mandatory must see especially in the work force we have now a days.... We have so many talkers and no sense people at work::)

@SydMountaineer

2 жыл бұрын

Right! Sadhguru says that in general, people talk too much, that if we cut down what we say by 50% it will greatly change our lives. I think that people forget how short life is.

You're so smart..learning each episode...love your voices

I enjoy your educational videos very much.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear that, Maria. Please share them.

Thank you for all your advice on this topic. I appreciate how you give examples of what to to say . It helps me greatly . I hope you’re well and once again thank you .

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome, Wayne. I try to offer advice, techniques, scripts, suggestions that can be used immediately. Theory is great, but rarely immediately applicable.

Thank you, Dan, for all this great information. You're definitely a gem in helping many in the workplace ❤.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome, Maria, and I appreciate your membership! Hope to see you at the live show on Tuesday evening. Dan

And learning a lot, think you!!!

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, a45williams. Dan

Nice explanation...keep ot up!

You sre amazing!!

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Ingrid, if you truly think so--please share these videos. :)

These are helping me in these difficult time

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

I'm grateful to have helped, Geann.

thanks

kahanga-hangang istilo ng pagtuturo! Nakuha mo ang aking pansin upang makinig at manood ng lahat ng iyong mga video.

Well, thank you so much for all these tactics especially the cost-effect analysis. For the judgments and people being judging me, do I need to care? Of course, I need to pay attention for my language; however, people will judge anyway! :)

Helpful

I really appreciate your video’s

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Sagittarius. And I really appreciate your comments :)

your vids are really good :) Thx

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome and I hope you find them helpful. Please be sure to subscribe, like, and share.

This is excellent.!!!!

I wish I could pour all your great information into my brain, lock it in there then use it everytime i should.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

You can do that, with a little practice. I fit right inside your brain, but you have to put me in there and feed me.

How do build rapport if you talk less though. This is very interesting

Great guy you have classs

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Well thank you, Biscotti :)

Thanks

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Thank YOU, helmutgensen--very much.

wow where have you been all my life.... I didn't even know people like you were real or out there... Nail on the head again. You are in my head!

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Bre. Make sure you keep it beating.

Great insight man😃 😄 😁

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Mr ManQ!

Delivered 😊

I need to play this for at least 21 days before my work day. At times I don’t want to seem stuck up, how would you communicate this way and also seem personable.

Buhahahaha... On point and agree with the sticky! Great stuff. Have learned a ton from you thanks Dan!

Oh god I’ve been doing it all wrong... ::proceeds to binge all his videos:: 😳😳😳

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Donna, when you're done binging, would you share with all your friends and relatives??? Many thanks!

I just discovered your channel! Where have you been all my life?!

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

I've been somewhere out there. It could be a song . . . .

I love this. This is the bomb! I always bombed out, now I know why. The only thing that was wrong was the color effects 7:31 , but you got a new subscriber.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Great M P. Thank you for subscribing, and please be sure to share these videos.

LOL!!!!... I am GUILTY of speaking my mind!! Thank you for pointing this out!... ugh.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Beautiful, there is nothing wrong with speaking your mind, as long as you do it MINDfully, respecting the other person. As long as you aren't rude, and using the excuse "I'm just being honest." :)

I love you!

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Brian; I need all the love I can get. And right back at you. Spread it around.

@hayleyb467

Жыл бұрын

I love you two!

Hello Dan O'Connor, Where do I send my video question to. Thanks, Brian

:) love your videos

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Jessica. Please like and share them--liberally.

Thank you. I learned from this and see how I have brought grief upon myself in the past. However, I will still pester friends asking them if I look fat so much they will say no to get me to shut up.

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Well, as long as you are aware of what you are doing-- :)

@michaelwhite2823

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Thanks to you I will change and know what I am doing IN THE OFFICE. Best to you Dan. :)

Well, I’m the one that don’t talk much..and it’s still a problem..my supervisor use to say things like “are you okay?” Or “you act as if you don’t like you’re upset” blah blah blah...I’ll joke and play around a little bit only talk to a few people that think like me 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ is that wrong? No, I don’t want to be there and currently working on a business..basically, I’m physically at work but not mentally 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

You certainly don't have to talk a lot if you don't want to, SIS. But being attentive when people talk to you--being mentally there--is kind of important, don't you think?

@Dreas_Redpumps

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords yes, of course. I just don’t get myself involved in work place shinanigans, because when it’s time for me to speak 🗣 I want to be taken seriously..don’t get me wrong, I still laugh and have fun, but it’s only with certain people I’ve grown close to on the job. And even with that, I’m careful 💯

LOL!!!!! funny and painfully true.....

I shared, thank you for this one. When I stop laughing, I will try these out. HOW do you get them to stop talking about their life. I just want to work and have a good time at it. Negitive life stuff... killing me. Also this film felt like you were at my job today..

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Well maybe I WAS at your job today Lady . . . . Only The Shadow knows for sure.

This is really helpful. I know it’s probably too late but any chance we get a valid coupon for the VIP course?

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

makotokino27, please write Jean at jean@danoconnortraining. She'll take care of you :)

Wait is this a Tim Gund voice modulator? It sounds similar to his register.

EVERY ofc mgr on earth should join this channel. Workplace discord is a MAJOR problem. Ppl live whole lives in misery due to workplace discord, taking it out on family and strangers who just think they are angry psychos. JOIN!

I really like your videos but why is it that after this video, all I can think of is that I hope you are a responsible loving dog owner who will get Maggie fixed? Thank you for the wealth of content you share and as I head back to the office after working from home for a few months, I look forward to using sone of the tactics you suggest.

Maggie will get better soon

Check the text in your video. First Numbered list goes 1. 2. 2.

@TheWizardOfWords

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks Karen! I appreciate that. I must have been asleep at the wheel!😯

Great video! But one thing, we are not perfect and all do mistakes and if i say something more personal to my coworker (not offensive ) and I hear something like "Our relationship isn’t that level. We’re not personal like that" in reply, I would consider it as very rude and inadequate. * just speaking my mind)

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

You're right, Yura, that context is everything. If a personal comment is made, and it's the first one, why not let it slide, unless it is egregious, of course. People do make mistakes and I agree that it is a kind thing to do to cut them some slack. I would save the comment to which you refer for situations where someone's comments are way out of line and that person needs to be shut down. I appreciate your observation.

Why is my last comment listed below and older one? Why does YT do this?

*I just tell it like it is! Hur Hur!* These people don't understand that whatever they're saying is usually *not* how it is.

@HisWordisLife4U

4 жыл бұрын

I had a young adult student who was always "telling it how it is" to my other students. She felt like she needed to "keep it real" and reflect reality because it was good for her fellow students. One time she called another student out in front of the whole class about something that did not concern her, so I asked her: Now why did you say that? She said many times people really needed to know things that they were too dumb to see. She believed that she was smarter than everyone else who just couldn't see it. I told her: THAT is SOOOOOOOOO NOT your job!!!! The class roared with laughter for 10 minutes; she never enlightened anyone in my class again. I didn't say it to get a laugh. I didn't say it to humiliate her, and probably should have taken her aside, but it worked. 'Telling it like it is' is a form of bullying and it is self elevating, putting the bully on an 'expert' pedestal.

@nickw22689

3 жыл бұрын

@@HisWordisLife4U Love this anecdote. You're spot on!

Hi! I have a question. Is making friends in an office a bad idea? How do you stop people from trying to be your friends?

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

I'd be careful about that dfks. You put a stop to it by being polite and friendly and mindful and kind, but you don't accept invitations to do anything outside the office (if you have decided friendship isn't a good idea). If you continually reject lunch or any other invitations outside the office, and if you refrain from personal conversations (simply choose not to engage) you won't be bothered with the problem of people seeking your friendship. If at all possible, I would keep office relationships strictly professional.

How do I deal with people that "speak my mind" or "say it as it is" in the workplace when I am a manager and they are an employee?

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

You might remind these people that not all things that come through the brain need come out the mouth. "Saying it like it is" is generally a prelude to being critical. It is similar to "nothing personal but . . . " which is invariably followed by something personal. Tell the employee in question to reserve his comments for a private meeting with you. In that meeting, when he speaks, you use the "that may be but" and follow that with whatever you see as the way things are going to go and be done.

👍

OMG Dan looks soooooo like Alan Cumming!!!!!! Am I wrong?

Dan,thing is.....people have these verbal patterns but are not smart or wise enough to see the game unrolling....meaning,you can be intelligent,wise and know the "tactics" of communication,but if others don't get the subtle signs or say this/that power communication,we can try our asses....only thing wirh f.e. my rude boss that works is-being quiet,not taking it to heart,knowing she's a rude,selfcentered snob who just won't get it.not the way caring people would. ...

@TheWizardOfWords

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, no doubt about it--not every approach works on every person. In my opinion, the trick in all communication is to approach it with love, mindfulness, self-assurance and the conviction that if we do our best we needn't be concerned about the reaction of others. I was fortunate to learn that from my father.