Hi, my name's Nick Wignall 👋
I'm a clinical psychologist passionate about helping people unlock their potential by learning to manage their emotions better.
Most of us are pretty good at supporting our friends when they’re struggling: We listen empathetically, we reframe worries and fears objectively, we validate difficult feelings without judgment, etc.
But we tend to treat ourselves and our own struggles much differently…
→ We criticize ourselves for feeling anxious, which only makes the anxiety worse.
→ We ignore our stress until it’s so overwhelming that we slip into self-defeating behaviors like stress-eating and procrastination.
→ We get judgmental with ourselves the minute we feel lazy, which only saps our motivation further.
I believe the heart of emotional health is learning to respond to your own difficult thoughts and emotions like you would respond to a friend who was struggling-with clarity, curiosity, and kindness.
And that's what The Friendly Mind is all about :)
Пікірлер
Nick! Your videos are giving me such peace of mind. Had a scan done at Amen clinic. It creeped me out but gave me some insight ultimately. I’m left with trying to find ways to calm it down or use other parts of it. The collaborations with Emma are really good videos as well. Please do a comprehensive video on PTSD and how to cope or handle it.
First time I watched your video and liked what I saw. Feel motivated to join your course, although right now I don't have the money. I'll join your course when I have the money.
Nick, this same process for trying to deal with negative self talk? If I pay it attention, it continues and/or grows, so validate and move on?
In general, yes. AVA: Acknowledge, Validate, Act on your values is the formula that is optimal for just about any difficult inner experience whether it's intrusive thoughts, painful emotions, or negative self-talk
@@TheFriendlyMind Thank you, Nick! I appreciate your reply. And also the emphasis on values in it. I keep forgetting!!
I always take notes. #4 really made sense. "Processing emotions": I have ADHD, an information processing difference plus one of SELF-REGULATION. Very grateful for this video.
Thanks David!
I like your content but find it hard to listen to your voice. It's like you're trying to whisper while talking low. Could you project just a little more please?
@lydiakaiser5605 -You can always turn on closed captions and turn the volume down. People can rarely change their own voice and this is Nick’s voice. He isn’t purposefully speaking low and not projecting.
I will work on it, thanks for the feedback
Great video! 👍
Thank you :)
I like your initial comment about how when you tell people you are a psychologist, they go "so are you psychoanalizing me now?" I've gone through an extended period of personal growth, especially due to some really challenging circumstances in my life. Your articles and videos have been a real help to me. I've learned so much about myself, my behavior, thinking habits, etc. But with that, I've "outgrown" a couple long term friends. In short, I've changed, and friends haven't. They feel threatened by me it seems -- one accused me of "psychoanalizing people" Just an observation. I'm going to keep growing, with compassions for myself and others. Just us humans here.
Excellent tips and video 🎉
Thank you, glad it was helpful!
They take risks
Thanks Nick, very insightful. There were a couple in there that I now realised needed more attention
You're very welcome, Alex!
Check out "Untethered Soul", written by Michael Singer, if your self-talk is an issue. He also has KZread videos.
I’m sorry but he just goes on and on…
Maybe there's an 8th habit. A PMA...
That’s kind of the point. Why are you here if you’re not gonna listen to him
You can turn up the speed of the video or just skim through the transcript.
I am a bit long-winded :)
I definitely sound smarter on 1.5x speed :)
I love when you talked about the word “toxic” and how it is often never defined, and people tend to overuse the word on top of not knowing what the word means hahaha. It can mean anything from some who is truly a harmful person, to certain unpleasent behaviors people can exhibit. This got me curious, do you think the word “trauma” is often used like the word “toxic”? Used, in the sense that it is often very overused, and there is no clear definition. I hear this word a lot when people are describing their past, but the word can mean so many different things in different scenarios. For example, someone can say they experienced trauma due to an abusive parent growing up but someone can also use the word “trauma” to describe an unpleasent coworker that made you not look forward to going to work. Basically, i’ve heard it used to describe longterm situations that would genuinely cause anyone psychological distress, to situations that sound uncomfortable/unpleasant but not necessarily harming in the long run. And then of course, everything else in between. Like you stated in your video, you don’t believe anyone can be 100% anything (like 100% completely toxic, given that we can all agree on what the word means). So, can a situation be 100% traumatizing? As a therapist, what is your opinion on the word “trauma”? Is it a word that people give their own definition too? Is it a word that is often vague and subjective? Just curious. Thanks for a great video, I really enjoyed it!
Thank you! And yes, I think a lot about how similar dynamics play out with trauma. I did a video on this if you're entered: kzread.info/dash/bejne/o4mbz7Vqcdqtj9o.html Also, this article on How I Think About Trauma might be interesting: nickwignall.com/how-to-think-about-trauma/
@@TheFriendlyMindthank you! this makes more sense to me now
Dear Nick. Very nice video you made! And yes I´m in a relationship with a very extreme person, that forces me often to say that I like to stop the relationship. Only after I´ve said that, things are open to discuss and set boundaries. But its very challenging and unhealthy for me to go that far. But hé............it seems that every time this happens it still works......... now we are in the process of communicating how we can avoid that moment to say that you want to stop the relationship.
Super helpful video! My mom has very troubling behaviors and is incapable of understanding how they affect others. When folks don’t do what she wants, she pulls the nuclear option of cutting them off. She has done this repeatedly with many folks throughout her life, her two daughters included. Then when she is over her upset, she expects everything to be happy and as if she never did this. The last time she cut me off, I decided it was final. This has given me the peace I need. Sad but true. Watching this video though really helps me to think about all of this in a more pragmatic, clear-eyed manner though (because, yeah, of course there have been LOTS of hot emotions over the many years!)
Sorry to hear about that situation, but glad the video was helpful!
This was very, very, helpful. I have a "problematic student" and just don't have the coping skills for their "behaviors". This helps me frame my response to their behaviors, and managing them, rather than focusing on the individual and the angst they're causing me.
Glad it was helpful!
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Thank you
You're very welcome!
If you have a good spiritual foundation you learn that God validates You, not man.
Very helpful and I do read your articles weekly tu
Totally agree with you that social media can be a positive resource, if used correctly. I've found A LOT of really good mental health information on KZread and Instagram. And I've joined FaceBook groups for some of my hobbies (e.g. tin whistle, ballet), that boost my confidence by connecting me with others who are pursuing similar interests. The key is to "winnow out the chaff" -- pay attention to the things on social media that actually make you feel good about yourself, and disregard the things that make you feel "less than."
Very much spot on in my case! Thank you for sharing this perspective and inspiring me to be the hero of my story!
Yes! You're welcome!
You are simply superb Nick. Every video nails down the hidden emotions clearly and it really helped me to identify them if not able to fully process them. Thanks for the insights on this chronic irritability.
You're very welcome, Dinesh!
Great video!
Thank you!
I'd rather have the choice whether to read the article or watch a video
This was very helpful. Going into COVID, life was anxious enough, coming out of COVID, chronic worry about safety. Everything got harder, it would be great if things were easier.
You’re good. You’re the fly on my wall. This is sooo helpful. I’m sooo angry. Thank you.
I love the new format! Unlike the newsletter I can let myself be emotionally educated and cook at the same time😊 I hope Nick doesn't mind being listened to while chopping onions... proud to be one of the subscribers before the foreseeable growth of the channel :)
"Foreseeable growth" .... I like the way you think :)
Thank you, Nick! 👍Your videos are very helpful with excellent actionable steps for our bad moods. 1.Inventory your bad mood triggers 2.Acknowledge your difficult emotions early 3.Let go of self pity
You're welcome!
At 17' in you say you can't start with Mozart, but Twinkle twinkle is Mozart.
😬
Well done. Like the explanations and steps to take to reduce. Thank you!
You're very welcome!
Excellent video ! I love the concept of compound emotions. The way we talk to yourself is very important ! ❤
Thank you :)
This is fantastic information!
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you
You're welcome!
Thank you fvery much or this helpful tips!!
You bet!
Your videos and articles should be viewed by more people Nick, you do very quality content. I learned from you a lot, thank you!
That's very kind :)
Excellent!
Thanks!
I’ve noticed that I seem to fall into a bad mood much easier than I ever did, Nothing in the world seems to work properly anymore, and that makes me so mad, it seems every way we look and no matter how hard we try things still happen , there’s no avoiding that , I think the self pity bit relates to me , ie why do things never work out and why me
Thank you
Thanks Nick! I truly look forward to all your emails & videos too! Thanks for all you do it’s very much appreciated.
You're very welcome :)
I’ve been a subscriber for quite a while but this is the first time I’ve listened to a video. I really appreciated what you said. I would also say regret plays a role in self-pity and can result in a sense of feeling stuck and heightening a bad mood. I find it is only when I face why I am feeling this way and come to terms with it that I can switch off the bad mood.
Good point about regret!
Thank you, Nick. I appreciate your content very much. It’s uniquely helpful in today’s world. What a gift!
You're very welcome :)
Nick this video is just what I needed. I thank God I found your channel. Thank you for all you do.
I'm so glad :)
Thank you for all you do. Question: what to do if your trigger is a spouse or life partner?
Id say to write down the specific situations (assuming they’re not triggering by just existing haha) and see if you can find a pattern. Perhaps also see what emotions get triggered with you and if you can do any work on your side to better cope with those emotions. I’d suggest you to look for more nuances and challenge the statement that your partner is triggering and try and think of it as in, I get triggered by my partner in x and y situations when they do or say a and b. Then I feel, x, y, z. And see how you can self take responsibility for your own emotions and be assertive to your partner of what you need from them in these situations. And from there see if they are willing to provide that. Such hard work and lots of self awareness needed - wishing you all the best and hoping you’ll get treated better, you deserve that!
Curious about Nick’s professional reply though! These are just some of my 8 year therapy learnings and so much more to practice and learn still haha
I'd say a person can't really be a trigger. Instead, I'd try to look at it in terms of behavior... What are the specific behaviors they do that you find upsetting? Once you get a better sense for this, you can work on both the cognitive side (how you interpret what they do and what kinds of mental behaviors you engage in when they do them-rumination, for example) and the behavioral side via assertiveness (being more assertive about what you will and will not tolerate and what your actions will be if they do something upsetting. Lots in there, obviously!
Waiting for timestamps sir from so long
Sir or Madam: have you considered making your own timestamps? It would not take long on a 15-minute video, and YOU could post them for everyone to enjoy. Just curious.
Congrats Nick ! I love the last part on self-pity, great segment ! ❤
Thank you, Michel!
Thanks . Your video put me in a good mood !
A happy unintended consequence :)
He has helped me so much
Hello, your content is amazing. What I want to ask is, would you also conduct studies on toilet anxiety, which is a cause of agoraphobia? For some reason, this is an issue that no professional talks about and is ignored. The content about this has only been created by brave people who are experiencing the situation, but in fact, experts like you can help thousands of people who suffer from this pain. I hope my comment reaches you and I can learn your thoughts. thanks❤
I'm not familiar with this specific struggle... Could you send me more info?
@@TheFriendlyMind Your return made me very happy. I will explain it in detail at an appropriate time.
@@TheFriendlyMind The main idea is that toilet anxiety is the intense fear/panic of being embarrassed by pooping in your pants or peeing your pants in situations where you do not have access to the toilet. For example, getting stuck in traffic, stuck in the elevator, public transport, or sometimes not being comfortable in places with only one toilet, in case the toilet is full., not being able to get into a car with someone and much more serious situations. Increasing number of such situations and eventually not being able to leave the house. As far as I understand, this is a situation that often happens to people with IBS. As someone who was trained as a psychologist in my own country, we did not see anything about this issue in our training, but believe me, it is a situation experienced by thousands of people like me. A few people who have experienced this situation have made videos on the subject on KZread, you can actually look at it to get an idea. but as I said, I wish the issue could be addressed by experts. If you have time, you can look at this video created by @LaurenRose. , and the comments below it to understand it in detail. kzread.info/dash/bejne/nICWu8GzYZvNlKQ.htmlsi=zxws4diU5YHE5N3Q Thank you very much again for your interest.
And the biggest problem is that we can change our thoughts about panic attacks by doing exposure as CBT suggests. Maybe yes, these symptoms will not kill us and we can accept this anxiety instead of fighting, but when it comes to toilet anxiety, what you fear while doing that exposure may happen to you because with that adrenaline and cortisol. You experience intestinal distress and it starts to work quickly and you can suddenly have diarrhea and this time it causes even more panic. Thus the fear is reinforced.
Very valuable video again, like your articles. They are all mind opening pieces Nick, thank you
You're welcome!