Growing up in with a mother who could put Martha Stewart to shame, she learned the ins and outs of hostessing from one of the best. Large gatherings In her childhood home taught her the power of a well laid out appetizer spread and the ability to clean up after a storm of happy guests. Later, with a passion for rusty metal bits and wood worn by time, she spent most of her adult life working in interior design, specializing in vintage decor. It only seemed to make sense that she would combine her powers of event hosting and decor crafting into one blissful career: wedding planning. She first fell in love with the job while planning her own wedding, unknowingly feeding a habit that would soon spark a change in her career path. Her obsession has blossomed into a happy and full position at Wolfer & Co., and she would love for nothing more than to make your dream wedding a reality.
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Don’t host parties you can’t afford. Period.
Story 2 just sounds like OP doesn't his fiance's family or his family doesn't like her family. This is sad. Great video as always, Jamie!
Thank you so much 💓 some hard truths but good to know as I know my family and friends time is precious xxx
If the 50k was for a wedding, she knew it was for a wedding, and didn’t use it for a wedding, someone better have needed expensive medical bills. Otherwise, yes, she’s the AH.
As always so helpful xxx
I so want updates on the last one there
Advice please: my wedding is coincidentally going to happen on the anniversary of the death of my bridesmaid’s sister. I was close to her sister and I want to do something to honor her on that day. I am planning on making a memory table for my fiancé’s father because his dad passed away from cancer last year, but I want to give his dad more focus than my bridesmaid’s sister for obvious reasons. What should I do?
Honestly, I would honor them more by doing little sentimental things. Maybe even a couple of nicknacks that remind you of I'm, around them. Maybe even a couple other pictures besides just one for him as well. I would also ask your fiance what they think would be a good idea to include and what would matter to them, maybe even an empty seat with a flower in the front row. As for the friend, I would consult your bridesmaid on what she may think is a good idea because you want to go or her too, but want to be respectful as this will be a hard day for them too, struggling with happiness and grief. Wishing ya the best of luck
Great videos, What is the wedding was put off outside of covid. Like married in 2024 but waiting to have a wedding until 2026 because of buying a home and want to settle in? would it be considered a sequel wedding?
Your laugh makes me giggle SO much!
I think my boyfriend is going to just go with what i want for the wedding cause he knows ive been “planning” it since i was little so in my indecisive moments i think he’ll be little help😅
I thought it’s just kind of an unspoken thing that you give the couple a monetary gift based on how much you think it likely cost for your dinner and a little extra if they are providing an open bar. Then the couple crosses their fingers that when the count up their cash, the can pay off a good chunk of that wedding bill! Lol
This is hilarious! Is anyone going back to the friends episode with the 2 parties where Monica is making everyone having ‘organised fun’ ….
This is so interesting! My partner and I were shocked at the £50,000+ wedding our friends are having with 200+ guests. We got the impression that they felt obligated to host the very large extended family and some social pressure from parents. Initially I read this post I thought how ridiculous, but actually, personally I would be happy to pay for my meal knowing that if everyone chipped in, no one would be left out and it would have saved them a lot of financial stress and pressure on the couple, I mean, you would never object to paying to eat out anywhere else? Way more miffed at been invited on a multiple day hen do abroad that adds up to £3-400+ and not your idea of a holiday, but your ‘obligated’…
I LOVE when people leave wedding favours because I get to run around and collect them like a magpie on crack
As a bride whose parents are paying for a 1/3 of our wedding (~2.5-3k) yes and no. If they gifted me 50k specifically towards a wedding and I used it for a house they'd be furious because our family has two veins of gifting. The "hey here's money use it how you need" and "hey here's money use it for xyz"
Jamie, youre such an awesome judge of the comments section 🌟🌟🌟
I do agree with the groom that sometimes after the music cranks up (esp if you don’t care for the music) it can be unbearable. One wedding had a live band and our table had relatives from out of state and hard of hearing uncles. It was so loud that we all left at 9 pm. That wedding did not have a lounge for dining room you could adjoin too for conversation. But of course eat in one location. My daughter’s wedding had the dining room separate and it worked out great.
For that 2nd one I'm kind of left wondering if those two are compatible. I agree those commenting took their projections waaay too far! But if religion and kids and quiet gatherings are his preferences and very much not hers... Religious beliefs are a big deal that couples should agree on as are desires for a family. How to spend down time maybe not as big, but still couples should be more on the same page. And differences of opinion are bound to happen, but both need to be willing to compromise. I'm concerned that they, or specifically the OP, are thinking they will be able to change the other person and the wedding drama is just the first of many conflicts in their relationship.
it's hard to say based on this data, but these issues could be anywhere from "no big deal" to "these compatibility issues are going to break your relationship" depending on how intensely they feel about those preferences and whether or not they apply to other areas. is religion (or lack thereof) a huge deal to either of them day to day? does he actively practise his religion in a way that significantly impacts his lifestyle, or is he more a "births, weddings, funerals & lost umbrellas" type of religious? does she actually feel anti-religious for whatever reason, or just gently disconnected from her family's religion-of-origin? likewise, a preference for a child-free v. child friendly wedding doesn't say anything about their desires to be parents. "my nephew would look so cute in a mini tux" // "my sister won't come if she can't bring the kids" // "I can't imagine excluding [tiny cousin] from a significant family event" // "if it's child-free, parents have an excuse to get a babysitter and have a night off to party" // "we're on a budget, and making it child free wipes 10 little kids who won't enjoy it and might not remember it anyway off the guestlist" are all views that are perfectly compatible with wanting(or not wanting) to be a parent in the future. I'd argue that "what does a fun party look like?" could be the biggest issue raised here.
These videos are great!! A suggestion though would be to keep out the talk of how reddit commenters need to be better. We all know reddit commenters can be unhinged and often feels like those responses are directed at us as viewers rather than the reddit commenters causing the harm themselves
Just here to say, I really appreciate your levelheadedness while evaluating these stories. Most AITA readers go straight to “no contact” and jumping to the worst conclusions (as you pointed out). Way to make room for reason and grace.
You couldnt have just sat there and let the mother have her speech because it would show you would let her walk all over you. It was very much a power play on her part. I think getting up to use the restroom or continuing to talk would have been fine. Best outcome would have been as another commenter said a third party ending the speech to keep blame off the bride.
Do you still have your wedding venue? I wanted to go back and watch those vlogs but can’t find them!
First story: Feels this family’s attitudes may come from a very old-fashioned place whereby a bride’s parents provide their daughter with a lovely wedding - as an ‘over-and-out’ gesture and the groom is then responsible for putting a roof over her head ever after. Maybe if everyone within a community has the same idea then it would work. But in this day and age, where women work as hard as and earn the same as men, I think it’s entirely inappropriate to disadvantage a daughter in this way. Fairer would have been to give all three kids $50k each at a certain age, with no strings attached. Perhaps encourage them to put it into property, clear student loans, contribute towards a reasonable wedding etc - but ultimate it’s theirs to do with what they want.
I love your advice section for the two room groom. Its both gentle and practical and something that could easily be sent to anyone considering the same.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but i believe if your parents do something crappy like the first story, youre entitled to financial compensation.
I have watched videos older than that! If it’s you im watching it lol Thanks for all your great ideas and advice ❤
I’m doing a treat table for my daughter’s baby shower. Thank you for great tips!!!
For the first story - I'm sure I will be in the minority here - I side with the parents. For the simple reason that IT IS THEIR MONEY to do with as THEY please. You may not agree with their reasoning, it may seem unfair, backwards even but at the end of the day, IT IS THEIR MONEY. If you weren't going to use the money for what they intended when they gave it to you, at least let them know, but to accept their money and not use it for what they intended. No dice. Not good. I can see why the parents were upset.
I do agree. The parents are wrong for their sexist opinions and for not treating their daughter the same as their sons (absolutely justified to not be happy about that), however OP knew the expectation and knew what the money was given for. The fact that she eloped, I don’t think there was misunderstanding or miscommunication on that front. I don’t agree with the parents’ actions around how they treat their children and the fact that they have sexist views, but I side with them on the fact of being upset at OP for not using the money for the purpose it was given for. OP deceived them.
@@s.a.4358 Agreed. The parents need to bring their views more to present day as opposed to the 40s.
Her brothers got money to do with what they pleased at a certain age. If I was OP, I might assume that my parents were waiting for a similar Halmark moment of my life to give it to me, like a wedding. I wouldn’t assume that meant I had to use it FOR the wedding exclusively, just that they chose a special timing. But also, they DID use it for the wedding! They just had leftovers. Would they have wanted their money back from one of the boys if it was more than they needed for college tuition or something and the “leftovers” went to something else? Also, if it is “the parents’ money to do with as they please” why didn’t they just buy stuff for the wedding? Like, go with the daughter and pay for her dress? Shop for decor and food together? etc. Once you give it away, it’s no longer yours to do with what you please. If they wanted to pay for wedding stuff and nothing else, they should’ve held onto it and bought things themselves while they were in control of the money. If I have a specific gift idea for a friend, I buy them THAT GIFT. If I want them to have money, I give them money (that they may use how they please). I don’t put money in a birthday card and tell them how to use it. You either buy the thing, or offer money, you don’t offer money and then dictate how it must be used. That’s just bizarre to me. If they had a $30,000 wedding (which is plenty for a nice/large wedding) would the parents have expected a $20,000 dollar return? I just don’t understand the logic from these parents here.
In the first story I would've given the money back. When you give someone a gift you don't have a right to tell them what to do with it.
I agree with Jamie that Reddit commenters can take things way too far. One bad argument, or poorly thought out idea does not and cannot represent the whole of a relationship. Too many commenters appear to believe that relationships are disposable and that people intrinsically have bad intentions. In my experience that is the exception not the rule. Sure people have poor cooping habits, are defensive, are immature or selfish etc. but that doesn't usually make them a bad person, toxic, or narcissistic. Don't toss relationships away carelessly, the good ones take time to build and everyone makes mistakes
Best advice I have received from a married friend (many years before I even met my partner) is to be very selective about who one shares relationship issues with and who one asks for advice. Ask few people and pick people who you know have similar beliefs than you / your couple, both in general and on relationships / marriage specifically (not people who will always agree with you, but people who will give advice based on the same values, priorities, etc as you also have). Don’t complain about every little issue because that will only make people on your side have a negative view of your partner - this is especially true of family, as they are often very protective. People may mean well with their advice but be biased because of their own experiences, relationship to you versus your partner or even just because they do not have the same (life) views and priorities as you.
For the groom OPI would say it's hard to give a rating specifically, but there's a clear answer as to what could be done to get to N.A.H. You've got three core things religious ceremony, child presents, and separate receptions. Groom gets one bride gets one and one gets the kind of compromise that was suggested for the reception.
The bride already compromised on both the religion and the children though, so the reception thing should be a no go and they can do a few things to accommodate people who want some quiet, are older, etc.
Very helpful-thank you so much!!
The first one comes across as a Justified AH. I believe she knew what the parents expectations were around the cash was and she purposefully avoided discussing how she intended to disregard those expectations. That said, her parents actions were extremely sexist and I applaud her and her husband finding a loophole
I wouldn’t say justified AH but definitely understandable AH. I do think OP knew her parents would be angry, so she cannot be surprised now.
Is is just me...? You pay for your own wedding. If you can't financially cover the wedding you envision, you just have to do what everyone else does: shelve the wish list and throw a party you can afford. Asking people to cover the cost of an out-of-budget events makes them investors, not guests.
If it has the proverbial strings attached, it's not a gift. It's a contract.
We have given our kids some money, which I hope they use responsibly. All for a wedding? Nah. A home? Yes!!!!
If the parents want a big party to show off, they should have one. If they've been able to give each kid 50k then they likely have another 50k to throw at another party. Also, crazy that they wouldn't gift their daughter money for a house and they likely didn't help their sons pay for their weddings either. However, the parents may have planned to give another gift of money towards a house as a wedding gift (my x did that for his daughter after spending a ton to show off. Then to show of for the in-laws he gave money towards a house). We don't know their plans for their money, but it's theirs and they can do what they want to with it and give it out to whomever they want for whatever reason they want to give it. Just seems odd to me that because she had an inny instead of an outty, they wouldn't help her get a house when she graduated like they did for her brothers. I'd be mad if I was in the brides shoes, and be tempted to do the same thing just to prove a point, but she knew it would hurt her parents to do what she did and did it anyway. Hopefully, they can heal their relationship now that the point has been made.
I agree with this. I don’t like the parents’ different attitude towards their daughter versus sons, I can understand OP’s frustration and I definitely agree that a down payment on a house is a sound way to spend money. However I cannot give OP a not the a-hole badge because I do think she knew her parents meant for all the money to go to the wedding and I don’t like the deceit. I don’t think it was a miscommunication. OP is trying to use a loophole and justify her actions like that, which means she does know it’s not all above water. Both sides are misbehaving.
The comments on the second post were BRUTAL. I think that one person just needs to work through their own problems instead of projecting them onto strangers on the internet lmaooo
"Your husband should be able to provide". I'm sorry, but giving your sons 50k is not the husband providing. It's the ILs providing. If that is your expectation of your boys, teach them how to get there.
Came to comment this exact thing!
Yeah, they are "bad parents" because they are sexist AF.
I love these videos because Jamie is simultaneously unhinged and so helpful 😂
Second take on the first story is if she had never gotten married would the 50K ever been offered?
my thoughts as well....
Likely not
Literally came here to say they may have been giving her more cash for a present
I’m a big fan of having quiet spaces at weddings. I’ve been to weddings where the music is painfully loud. Not everyone wants to go to a rave, some people want to actually talk with their relatives whom they only see at weddings and funerals. But having two rooms for the families? That’s weird.
My close family friend did this at his wedding and it was used for chatting, board games etc. I will 100% be doing this when I get married!
@@EontologistI found out last wek that the venue we are using has a small living room like space next to the main room we will use, and I was actually quite excited. It can be used as a quiet space, but also if kids get bored during the meal and want to go play.
Love all your AITA videos, hilarious!
The parents are the A Holes here for being willing to pay for a wedding but not s house because she was born with her reproductive organs on the inside rather than the outside
This should be a series!!!!!
Getting married in 15 days!!! Have used The Masterplan the whole year-long engagement! It's the best! I recommend it all the time! From New Brunswick, Canada
A GUEST should not be expected to pay anything. Have the wedding you can afford. The end.
Here’s another one-too loud music. I left my brothers wedding because the music was PAINFULLY loud. There was nowhere to go to escape it and I was quite literally in pain. They also had a three hour gap between ceremony and reception with absolutely nothing planned in the interim.
My one daughter just got married 5/11/24. She had a guest book and "Everyone" signed it and even wrote a nice note for the bride and groom and this is why. She had the guest book placed on a high boy cocktail table with a polaroid camera next to it with a basket of film for scrape books. The guests loved the idea of taking a selfie, peeling off the back of the photo and sticking it in the guest book next to their message. I saw people coming and going from the table throughout the reception, It was a big hit! We will be doing the same for our other daughter's wedding in 2026. Note: You will need a small sign stating to please only take one photo so there is enough film for everyone and they nicely did as the sign said.
Hi Jamie, I was wondering if you have any advice relating to hair color on the wedding day. I’m normally brunette but my fiancé loves when I go blonde so I’d probably feel extra pretty as a blonde at the wedding, but I worry about not looking like myself in photos, since I normally keep my natural color. Thank you in advance if you see this!