I had an acquaintance who did this and it was so tacky. She even told all of us in our friend group that we were on the “b” list of invitations. Needless to say, I politely declined.

To play devils advocate here, I couldn't afford much of a wedding, and we werent willing to wait and save more. So we had it in a backyard with a very limited capacity. As a consequence, we could not invite most of my extended family. The issue was that quite a few members were upset and offended when they didn't get an invite, even though I had made it very clear it was a funds and capacity issue, not a personal one. Of course, they would have been just as offended if I charged an entry fee, so there was really no winning there

@SuperTikes

2 ай бұрын

Unfortunately, you can't win either way. I come from a huge family (parents have lots of siblings so it's 100+ just on my side) and I won't be able to afford everyone, nor do I want to spend that much money. So some people will just have to be upset.

@jaz9915

2 ай бұрын

@@SuperTikes agreed, and if not getting invited was all it took for them to stop talking to me, I'm better off without them anyway 🤷‍♀️

@afreebirdflew3186

2 ай бұрын

I totally agree, guests expect the couple to take the full load of payments and forget the logistical nature that events are expensive. If it was a dinner outing instead of wedding event there would be no question of each person paying for themselves

@dananeilland9629

13 күн бұрын

I have a huge family on my dad's side, my mom's and my husband's not so much. But I don't really know most of them, so I only invited the family that I went to church with. I don't even know if the rest of the family knew about it. Worked great.

I love giving gifts and I tend to go overboard. But, to be honest, I would refuse an invite demanding an amount. It's just bad manners and I have zero tolerance for bad manners.

I think it's cultural. I come from Québec and it's normal to charge fees. We see that often. Peoples paid for their food. Otherwise, wedding registry or expecting gifts are really "bad taste".

@davyrantucci

8 күн бұрын

Weird I’m in Canada, West side, and have never paid to attend a wedding, for the food or otherwise. Not bringing a gift or money in a card is rude though. However this is still considered optional.

When my husband and I got married, we absolutely DID NOT need any material gifts. We also had an EXTREMELY small and short park wedding. For the few people we invited, we flat out told them that we didn't need gifts but if they wanted to contribute a few bucks towards our honeymoon, we would appreciate it. Unfortunately, COVID hit very shortly after our wedding and all that money ended up going towards necessities since I was out of work at the time.

It’s very common to charge for weddings where I grew up. But it’s not so obviously posted like in an invitation. Usually the couple will tell their parents how much it costs to feed each person. They tell the rest of the family, the info trickles around to friends, and so by the time the wedding comes everyone kinda knows how much money to put in their wedding congrats card. And people aren’t paying for decor and such. Just for the cost of feeding them (which in my culture is several courses YUM!) people can give an additional physical wedding gift but that’s more of an American thing. Not many do. It’s considered very polite to pay for the cost of feeding you and if you want to you can give a bit more so the couple doesn’t have such a burden from the wedding costs.

There are already inherent costs of attending a wedding. I went to one a few months ago and between flights, ground transportation, food and gift to the couple, it was close to $500, and that didn't include time off work or lodging, which in this case was covered. Charging your guests is raunchy. You could always do open ceremony and reception by invite only.

I used to give $50 but now $65 sounds about right. Weddings are expensive and I believe you should do your best to cover an average plate cost. People prefer monetary gifts. However demanding a specific amount upfront seems to be in poor taste in my opinion. (For cultural reference: American)

I know weddings are expensive, but you and your mate are responsible for the wedding costs.

I'm from Quebec as well, and it is largely accepted and even expected to pay for attending a wedding nowadays. In fact, I've never attended a wedding WITHOUT paying up front. Of course, then you're not expected to bring a gift on top of it. I actually prefer that way more than having to think of a present or guessing how much money should I put in a card. Just like you would pay when you go the restaurant. In comparison, if you were to celebrate your birthday at a restaurant and invite your friends, who ever wants to come will pay for their dinner, you wouldn't take the bill for everyone.. Your loved ones also don't want you to break the bank so they can get a free meal, everyone knows that even if you pay around 60 for the evening, that doesn't cover the whole wedding. The bride and groom are still going to have to spend a lot of money. :)

I live in Spain and though I've never personally been to a Spanish wedding, it's customary to give the couple around 150-200 Euros They'll even include their bank info in the invite - but that's usually in lieu of a gift I think it's kind of smart - it's nice that everyone helps you pay for such an expensive event you can all enjoy together and I feel like the gifts people usually ask for (home stuff, etc) is your and your new spouce's responsibility

What people dont realize is that the people who attend and eat with you at your wedding are affirming your covenant. And when you get divorced you're supposed to inform everyone who took time out of their lives to ro affirm your covenant. Charging people to affirm your covenant is wild. But people dont actually understand what the various aspects of a wedding ceremony represent anymore. And accordingly, the average length of first marriages is just eight years.

I appreciate your relatively nuanced take on this! Only thing I'd like to comment is: wouldn't most guests gift for more value anyway? So wouldn't they limit the value of money flowing back to them doing this?

I’m from the west side of Canada and have never paid to attend a wedding. It’s optional to bring money, gift etc, and never a suggested amount. I personally give 200.00 but if I was asked to give 65 dollars or so, I guess I’d give that and not more. Also a meal per person under 100.00 is a hard thing to find these days!

I would decline the invitation. As a guest it costs us to get and travel to celebrate you.

We didn’t have enough budget to invite everyone to my wedding and people offered to pay because they wanted to be there. I feel like if people wouldn’t be willing to pay for their meal they shouldn’t be invited. Of course, we end up paying for them to attend but I loved that they were willing.

@RepentImmediately

2 ай бұрын

Do you charge your guests to eat when they're at your home as well?

I am of the opinion that you should only have the wedding you can afford and not expect gifts but accept any you may receive with grace.

I thought it’s just kind of an unspoken thing that you give the couple a monetary gift based on how much you think it likely cost for your dinner and a little extra if they are providing an open bar. Then the couple crosses their fingers that when the count up their cash, the can pay off a good chunk of that wedding bill! Lol

Im from Québec too. I had my wedding last year and we asked for an amount of cash in lieu of a gift. We later received and invite for a wedding and it was the same, Even the same Price. No one asked me question about the price and seem to though it was normal

I could never! (From the UK) So when my fiancé and I were figuring out how to word our invitations. We live in an apartment and we didn't want anything that would clutter our home as we are trying to declutter what we already have. So we were just asking for donations towards our dream honeymoon. But it felt so wrong to ask for money.

I'm from Quebec and I have never seen nor heard of anyone charging admission for weddings here. I'm not sure who wrote that in, but we got married two years ago and I've attended dozens of weddings of family and friends from a lot of different cultures and have never heard of this. It would've caused MEGA drama if someone tried to pull this. If anything, the cultural norm in Quebec is to simply not get married but just live together as long-term partners (conjoint de fait). Cash bars / drink tickets do exist depending on the circles, but actual admission fees to the wedding? Nope.

Im one of those people who doesn't want or need any wedding gifts. We will accept but arent asking or making a registry. If people do insist on giving a gift, I'm accepting money donations. I dont care where or what culture this wedding is in- I would NOT be going lol.

I'm from the midwestern/southern US and this is absolutely not normal where I come from. I would LOVE a map of where this is typical. The only time I have heard of this was in an etiquette video made by a lady in California (upper middle or lower upper class if that's a factor) and it wasn't the couple charging attendance, it was just generally socially expected that you should estimate the cost of you being there and give that in addition to the gift. Not knowing anyone involved it's hard to say about the brides financial situation, but I do think there are cases where someone CLEARLY has a lot of money (it's extreme and is evident in all parts of their life). Also it's true that OP can say no, and I probably would, but there can be social pressure.

This should be a series!!!!!

This is tacky. You don't have to have an extravagant wedding. You could totally have a ceremony only and possibly invite anyone who wants to come to a meal in a restaurant where people can choose their own meal and only pay for the cost of what they order. I probably wouldn't go and if I did I would not give any other gift. Asking to pay for a hotel stay and/or dinner the night before is fine.

@QueenBCheese

2 ай бұрын

And a plane ticket or two potentially as well if your family is coming in from out of town!!! Totally hear you, it’s just in poor taste!!

I was worried that I wasn’t doing enough by not offering to cover travel and hotel costs for my guests. I felt really guilty about that, even though everyone told me it was unnecessary. The idea of charging instead…!?!? Honestly, if I couldn’t afford the wedding, I wouldn’t have it. And I’m not sure I’d be overly happy to go to someone else’s wedding with an upfront surcharge! I could probably accept paying for a meal, but not if it’s £65. I get that’s how much a wedding breakfast might cost, but that had better include appetisers, all drinks and at least three courses!! I do think the whole wedding business got way out of hand with costs, and it’s nice to see so many people bucking the trends these days with cheaper options.

A GUEST should not be expected to pay anything. Have the wedding you can afford. The end.

I don't think I would attend. They set a weird vibe from the start. Even if they feel the guests should contribute , it was just handled poorly. I do think if guests have to pay, then they should be given a multi course menu to choose from, song request options etc. Why should guests pay to attend your event but have no say in the experience they have?

This is so interesting! My partner and I were shocked at the £50,000+ wedding our friends are having with 200+ guests. We got the impression that they felt obligated to host the very large extended family and some social pressure from parents. Initially I read this post I thought how ridiculous, but actually, personally I would be happy to pay for my meal knowing that if everyone chipped in, no one would be left out and it would have saved them a lot of financial stress and pressure on the couple, I mean, you would never object to paying to eat out anywhere else? Way more miffed at been invited on a multiple day hen do abroad that adds up to £3-400+ and not your idea of a holiday, but your ‘obligated’…

In Spain some people write their bank account in the invitation (i see that as tacky but it's quite normal) since everyone (whether you ask it or not in the invitation) gives money as a present. We usually give 150€/162$ , but 200€/217$ or more if you are close. Btw, people is supposed to be fed with good quantity and quality, since it's so expensive. And if you have a +1, that person should also give a gift -usually that amount of money-. When you invite your guests to sleep on the venue, it's on the couple who are marrying, but if the venue is far away from the city/hotels where people are accommodating, the couple pays a bus to get them to the venue and get them home after the party (so people can drink alcohol and they dont need to drive back). I'm having strong cultural shock with all the comments and the reddit post.😂

Quite a few wedding-related things that are normal now (like elaborate second weddings) were once considered incredibly tacky. So, personally, I am not offended by this. It just strikes me as part of the natural evolution in wedding etiquette.

In my culture it's customary to give a present(usually also money or just money) that covers the cost of your 'plate' just price the couple would have to pay for your seat and then some extra money to support the married couple. It does seem rude to put it into the invitation, but I don't see why one would be mad about paying enough for their seat. The dinner tho that's a bit too much I guess. I am from Poland btw.

Personally I would be happy to pay cash over buying a gift. I hate wedding gifts these days. I'm an August bride and I explicitly said no gifts please

If you can't afford the wedding, don't have one. This is beyond tacky. I completely get sending an invoice if you RSVP & just no showed without a good reason, but charging to GO to a wedding is insane. This couple is so selfish, entitled & rude.

When this was made, $65 was almost exactly £50. I think this is a Brit.

Well you know her and her fianced knows her so it is what it is. A bride refused to say "for poorer" during ceremony and all her friends and family just laughed. He is older and has two substantial monthly retirement checks with healthy bank and savings accounts. She was onboard with richer, but poorer was a deal breaker.

I don't find the bride's request to be shocking. It's a bit unusual, but guests have to offer gifts anyway, so the bride's request ensures their money is not wasted since they don't need anything. In my country, couples who don't need anything usually have a registry of super expensive items that you can't really buy for them, so you can only make a small contribution or buy something on your own. In comparison, the requirement for a $65 payment doesn't seem so bad. One caveat though : if part of the guests cannot afford it, the request would be insensitive.

Im thinking of having a wedding at an air bnb in mexico. All my guests live out of state from me at this point, so everyone would have to fly and pay for lodging, i figure why not go somewhere we actually want to be? Would it be weird to ask them to pay for additional nights at the air bnb to make the flight more worth everyone’s time? Like we would pay for the day/ night of the wedding, because that would be our venue. But have everyone split the cost of each room for any additional days? To clarify: we would also pay the part of our room for additional nights. Not trying to get the event funded, we just cant afford to host everyone for 3-5 days.

As a newly engaged couple we are looking into retreats or Airbnb’s that we can have the immediate wedding party stay at as well as host our wedding. We are thinking of only having them pitch in for the actual lodging fees but not the actual wedding costs themselves. It is out of state so everyone would need lodging anyway and those are the ones closest to us so we figured it would work well as well as being fair. Thoughts? 🙂

@rachelterry9699

2 ай бұрын

If you need that specific Airbnb to host your wedding at, then you should pay for it.

Hi Jamie, I was wondering if you have any advice relating to hair color on the wedding day. I’m normally brunette but my fiancé loves when I go blonde so I’d probably feel extra pretty as a blonde at the wedding, but I worry about not looking like myself in photos, since I normally keep my natural color. Thank you in advance if you see this!

As far as charging to attend a wedding, wouldn’t it be a bit more tactful to ask for monetary gifts instead of physical gifts? Especially, if your home and life are already established. Or, if you don’t want to pay for a larger wedding, have a smaller one or elope.

I can think of many forms of entertainment that would cost less than $65. A wedding is not a good value for $65. 🙄

@RepentImmediately

2 ай бұрын

Yeah, weddings are not fun... paying to attend one is wild

I don’t mind it honestly, maybe the wording should just be recommended per plate charge is xyz, we appreciate all gifts. We spent 18k on our wedding 2 years ago for 30 people. Guests gave us maybe $150 total. If I only considered the food/ alcohol/ tax /tip, it cost $300 per person for a few courses. The other 9k was for the church, event hall, decor, photographer. I made my own wedding cake. My mom made my dress. Friends made my bouquets. This did not include rings or honeymoon costs. Gifts are nice but giving money to help the couple should be highly considered if you can. Most people have no idea what wedding cost nowadays.

@RepentImmediately

2 ай бұрын

It costs very little to acquire a marriage certificate and get married.

So why not just only ask for "honeyfund" no gifts, just donations as people see fit or comfortable with giving. We're not having a wedding because I see all the drama and stress it causes and I don't wanna pay for a wedding. We're eloping then renting a nice house and having a casual house party as the reception. Honestly this alone is stressing me out. We're posting a honeyfund and not pushing it, but we don't need gifts, just might recoup some money so we can then pay for a trip.

Would it be tacky to instead of doing a honeymoon fund do a wedding fund? Rather then helping pay for a specific part of the honeymoon, help pay for a specific part of the wedding. The wedding is happening either way you're just asking people to help with whatever part of the wedding they would like in lieu of wedding gifts. I think it would feel more personal, you're paying for the brides makeup so she feel beautiful or part of the photography so the couple can look back on the day, you're not paying for your meal, your chair and the flowers in front of you.

@hannamichaela2550

2 ай бұрын

I don’t know if I would say it’s tacky necessarily, but to be honest, I would rather them just put up a honeymoon registry fund or whatever, and use the money for whatever they want. That’s just my opinion though.

@RepentImmediately

2 ай бұрын

I think weddings are a total waste of time...and the average first marriage only lasts 8 years. Those pics are just gonna end up being painful memories for most people.

I understand where they are coming from, asking for wedding fees. However, guests should only then pay for their food (like when you go to a restaurant). And then you can't also ask for wedding gifts etc. I wish this was a norm where I am (South Africa). Only paid 1/3 of my wedding cost so far and its difficult to get loans from banks and parents aren't chipping in (either they don't want to or can't afford more than R10 000). Still need to pay about R60k for all-inclusive venue including DJ, photo & video, cake, flowers, decor, honeymoon suite and prepping rooms for 50 guests. And I am still in need of a dress, MUAH, accessories, shoes, suits, rings, prenup, etc. It's A LOT of money. We have waited 8 years for this day (am finally in a place to afford it) but people want to attend a big thing and have nice food and still don't want to gift anything. We are not asking for any wedding gifts at all, just a cash box for people to give money if they want. We also have lots of beverages, but there will be a cash bar. 😅 so yeah, I get it and I would have loved to have the balls to ask for this

@RepentImmediately

2 ай бұрын

Believe it or not, you can get married without having a wedding. The more people spend on their wedding, the more likely they are to divorce.

Is is just me...? You pay for your own wedding. If you can't financially cover the wedding you envision, you just have to do what everyone else does: shelve the wish list and throw a party you can afford. Asking people to cover the cost of an out-of-budget events makes them investors, not guests.

I’d never consider paying to be a guest for any other situation, why a wedding?

It is SHOCKING someone charges money to attend a wedding?! In Indian culture it would be the talk of the town for a year and no one would attend lol. The acceptable amount is like 3$. If you wanna give it as a wedding gift that is. Asian culture is big on red envelopes. Wedding gift money we call it. Some ppl give more and that's upto them. We tell guests in general: Please attend with your friends and family. No gift or money is needed or wanted. Thank You. Some couples explicitly state to NOT bring in money or gifts no matter what to their wedding. Won't accept it. We also don't RSVP. If we send an invitation to a family of 4 ppl, we expect a family of 8 to appear. Each brings one person extra. We plan food accordingly. 500 ppl guest list is extremely normal in India. That is the most minimal guest list here haha!

Hot take but if you can’t afford to give a gift then don’t come to the wedding. Of course it’s tacky to ask for money/gift but it’s also tacky to show up to an event empty handed. I’ve seen family’s of 8+ show up empty handed and take up 2-4 tables. Like most weddings cost the average couple $100-$150 per guest. You should at the very least cover the cost of your plate. If not then tell the bride/groom I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend as I can’t afford the cost of a gift at the moment. Some couples would say it doesn’t matter if you bring a gift or don’t worry about it. If they say this it’s because they really want you there, you have a special relationship or they aren’t on a tight budget. If they say something along the line of oh sorry you can’t come or you’ll be missed. Then they don’t want to take the hit for paying for you or your family’s plate(s). It’s just rude not to bring a gift. More and more couples have to explicitly say it because people have less tact and are showing up empty handed.

Bride. Loreal. Tristan. Groom Sister. Brother. Friend. Family Table. Sister. Brother. Chair. Wedding. 25. Guests. June. 24. Saturday 2024. 2:00. 2:600. Dinner List

Don’t host parties you can’t afford. Period.

😂😂😂 so tacky… just elope at this point no need to embarrass yourself like this.

This isn't fair because the guests have no say in the venue, decor, food, or entertainment. There cannot be transparency in where their money is going and why. They are paying for YOUR PICTURES, not for the family experience. If you can't afford a wedding, go smaller, budget, recycle, and maybe some of your guests will be kind enough to donate and gift the expenses anyway. It's insulting to be required to pay for a luxury experience. I'm not going on vacation.

I say this confidently and as fact: this couple doesn’t have a pot to piss in. And if she isn’t already an MLM market partner, she will be before the year us up. 💀

Bride. Loreal. Tristan. Groom Table Sister brother. Chair Saturday June. 24. 2024. 2:00. 6:00 Dinner Friend. Family. 25. Guests Sister. Brother dj. Music

Bride. Loreal And. Tristan. Groom Sister Brother. Fruit table chair. Family friend. 25 people. June. 24. 2024. Sisters. Brother. Guess. Time Saturday. 2:00. 6:00. Dinner