Hello, I'm Esther Perel. I am a relationship therapist and New York Times bestselling author of The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity. You may also know me from my TED talks or my podcast, Where Should We Begin.
On this channel, you'll find a range of videos: short Q&As answering subscriber questions, longer explorations into the future of modern relationships, and interviews with therapists and other experts in the field. This is a conversation that is so important in this moment. I welcome you to ask questions, participate, and join me as we explore the intricacies of love and desire.
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Too bad her accent is so heavy, oh well.
22:40 good therapy (and good comedy) is the art of unpacking subtext that the person doesn't immediately see ...and taking that "invisible"subtext, and making it visible ... (and hopefully growth, insight, ect comes from that)
Amazing! Humor is just a great tool to distance ourselves from feeling pain and from being in a moment with uncomfortable feelings & emotions.
The trust will come from your ability to talk about the difficulty in trusting and the empathic validating response to that ❤
Thank you so much for putting this into words, let alone doing so as succinctly as you have. Thank you.
I couldn't deal with the daily texting and then nothing for weeks. I told him I will always have a place in my heart for him but he didn't make time for me. I'm not dating anyone I need to heal from this . We knew each other for 10 years as friends before saying I love you.
Weird how more than ten years of Russia's bloody war in Ukraine- so dissimilar scope-wise with Israeli - Gaza conflict - earned only the second place in Esther's list
I never cheated once. Commented and liked a few girls pictures on Instagram but because of this she didn’t trust me and broke up with me. 5 years relationship has ended
Telling a cancer patient to bend and kiss his ass goodbye got me off guard 😂😂😂😂🎉🎉
I see both sides here, how important is this person to you? It seems you split the cost 50/50 so maybe GF thought she's entitled to ALL the food. Sometimes changes in routines and boundaries can make others emotional and unrational. I think in this situation it would be great to focus on understanding her feelings and getting more information on what is motivating her behavior. Is she trying to loose weight? Maybe limitations on food is triggering traumatic experiences from her past? The way you resolve this situation and move forward could be bring you closer together or push each other apart.
It is so hard to regain trust, after this kind of ultimate betrayal.
I'm very grateful that you spoke about how painful it is to be ghosted by a longtime friend. Because there is an absence of information that led to the ghosting---one is left not knowing what happened---it's in that vacuum where we suffer most. Trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense leads to making up all kinds of stories (trying to find something that would explain the ghosting). The suffering is immeasurable, certainly for the friend who's been ghosted, and possibly for the one who found it necessary to ghost someone once dear to them. It's often worse than a death. As a person who has both been ghosted by a (once) very close friend and who also makes an effort not to add to the suffering of myself or another, I deeply appreciated your advice to immediately surround ourselves with others who love us and hold us in their compassion. Ghosting is a form of relational toxicity; surrounding ourselves with loving others is an antidote. Thank you.
Dear Trevor, I hope you'd catch this comment. I'll do my best to keep it short to increase it's chance (ops! It's failing already). About comedy being like sex, and when Ester agreed... I hope you're not having the latter as you described comedy. Sex is not about pleasure giving. Sex is about pleasure taking. It may be or not be the same in comedy I'm not sure. I think good comedian is also having a good time on the stage. Maybe focus is that, both in sex and comedy. All the best.
6 years late but this is beautiful advise. About to go on a first date after being cheated on several times and to hear this message has really relieved some anxiety I’ve had leading up to this. For those of you that have experienced all of this too, know that you’ll be ok. You got this. Live life, tackle those uncomfortable feelings head on, and continue to be your true-authentic self 💪❤️
I AM SPEAKING FOR MYSELF …..NOPE ABSOLUTELY NOT .🤷🏻♀️
She models real curiosity and maturity , versus the tantrum aspect that many want to stay in.
Forgiveness is the path to healing
🙏 ❤ amazing people and important topics! Thank you!!!
Gender roles are REAL. Notice how they try carefully walk around that… you can’t escape the obvious confusion when gender roles are blended.
🤯🙏
There is nothing worse than someone who criticizes because they lack empathy and compassion. They don’t care if the information will drive someone into depression or squash their dreams. It is as if they make themselves like a god and people don’t have time for that.
If they lie….even once, leave. Cheating begins with a lie. If they lie to you, they have lied before..and if you accept it they will again.
For men in the corporate world, you must be aggressive, assertive, always admit your mistakes without hesitation, be ruthless to incompetence and infinitely loyal to those who put in the work and get results, but most importantly, carry yourself like you belong there. Emulate it, and so it will be.
Two of my favorite humans 𓂀𓋹𓂀
I loved this. As the cheater and idiot who blew up our world and home, I only pray that she will watch this with an open mind someday
I agree with being honest, but I think this video is mis titled. Point-blank asking someone if they can “handle” my feelings would absolutely scare a lot of people away. Men have run from me for a lot less and I haven’t developed enough self-trust to accept that. If you’re going to be that assertive, I think you need to be ready for that before taking that approach. I get it - if they run away it’s an indicator that that person is not right for you. But that perspective is not enough to make me feel safe yet.
Important straight talking, once again. And your optics game is on point!
We can learn how to build extraordinary relationships by developing ourselves.
We can change our vocabulary & self talk to be more positive.
Learnings and actionable steps.. love it
HAHAHAHAH. Brilliant Treva. SSSSSS SMADLY Love you ok
Trevor is so much more than a comedian. The wisdom that comes from his brain, passing through curated decisions to speak to the topic literally and/or with an edge of comedy. Oftentimes, both. Love him!
I enjoyed this exchange very much. Lots of insight into the human condition here. Thank you.
A feminist and a traditionalist. Go figure…
Brilliantly kind! 💖
My dad is an emotionally immature man. I know he cares about us and even mom but it didn’t stop him ruining our family. Now they’re getting divorced and it happened too fast. Last month we were one united family, now we fell apart. And feels like my life fell apart. I’m trying to imagine my family separated and every morning i feel like I forgot about it and I have to remember again that my dad didn’t go for a work and he’s not gonna come back. It’s like he’s dead. I feel like we will never have normal relationships ever again. We will always be distant. And I will only feel some kind of a compassion and love just because he’s my father, not for the person he is. And it confusing me because he’s not a bad person at all. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to act around him that’s why I don’t want to talk to him or see him much. I don’t know how am I gonna trust a man and not keep thinking he’s gonna leave me one day. I will have to keep reminding myself that I am not my mum and none of these guys is my dad. It’s crazy even when you’re adult your parents effect your life deeply. But because we’re adults we can actually heal from this and take control of our lives. We can’t let our traumas to rule our lifes. Don’t worry people everything is gonna be okay. Even it’s not you have the strength to deal with this 🤗💪🏼
There is a saying in the german language: "Er/sie spricht mir aus der Seele". Meaning: Someone else is speaking "out of my own soul" (It's nothing religious, btw!). Very rarely in life (if at all!) you are lucky enough to ever meet a person who is framing views and formulating opinions EXACTELY the way you do in all your thinking and emotions. I have a very close, very educated, very intellectual long time friend, who is "speaking out of my soul". Strangely enough: The other one is a person I never once met in my life: Trevor Noah ...
There is no certainty evah
I’ve been married for seven years and lately all we do is fight even for small things. We are both good people and love each other. Double income, no kids, we should enjoy life, right? Sometimes it feels like love is not enough. Two strong, opinionated, stubborn people ughh! Hope you all find partners who get you, listen to you, and are willing to be your ally and best friend. Watch those first fights in the beginning of the relationship. That will be all you argue about for the rest of your life. Also, dive into your past traumas and check if your partner is an antidote or throws more fire on them. I love you Esther, you speak truths. I wish you gave us couples therapy :( so needed right now. Best!
Excellent perspective. I also think we're in an upward revolution to figure out how to live happier lives. New generations evolving to feel safe, secure and happy without hard labor in excess, a bazillion daily tasks to fit in, essential tasks to just survive and feel a safe road ahead of you. I yearn for the progress. Creative minds are locked up until they are safe to explore without risk to their freedom. I look forward to learning from your wisdom❤
It all sounds great but I could never forgive, no matter what. That’s my choice.
Esther, bring your wisdom to Barcelona!
My advice .Stay single.
This is our go to video with my partner whenever we feel like we are in a loop or at an impasse. It's a reminder to look inward for both of us and in 6 minutes, I feel the emotional flooding reducing. With practice we'll become better communicators and resolve our conflicts better.
True
U said it all wow!
over and over I can watch this 5minutes. MY God, how many fuckin simple words are important and effective and i was always negative to herrrr .and i was thinking she doesnt want to have fun with me or ,......thanks Miz ESther Perel 😍😍😍😍😍
Once a cheater, always a cheater. No second chance
One of few conversations I listen with normal speed.❤
🌍❤️♥️💜💙💚💛🧡❤️♥️💜🌎 ♥️Gorgeously Lovely!‼️💚❤️♥️💟 🌎💚♥️💜💚💛🧡❤️♥️💜💚🌍
💜💚 2:34am!‼️♥️💜 💟♥️💜💙💚💛💜♥️