“They are wedded and committed to fantasies: never to you.” I think that single sentence shattered more glass in my head than the 300 BPD partner videos I’ve watched in the last 6 weeks. She doesn’t and can’t love me as anything other than as an object which incompletely gratifies her broken fantasy. Said another way: she can’t love me as a human being because she doesn’t fully know what that means. Thank you, Dr. Vaknin. I’m on my way back to the cherished relationship with reality I haven’t had in years.

I hate you, don't leave me.... says it all.

@teressamckinnie6878

Жыл бұрын

@Makewayproduction .. 🍒🌸 💕 yup, perfectly said ✔️✅

@katarinatibai8396

11 ай бұрын

+ I will punish you if you stay and I will also punish you when you go.

@berlinetta____2680

10 ай бұрын

Yes right!! It is utterly mind boggling.

All this information should be in parental classes. It would be world-changing! Thank you prof. Vaknin!

2 hours and 12 minutes of pure fascination!!! Thank you Professor!

Divorced for 4 years from borderline narcistic man that kept me trapped in his fantassies for way too long. I owe my freedom in most part to Dr. Vaknin, he educated me to the point of realizing that I needed to run away from him in any possible way even at the loss of almost all my material possessions. I’m such a happy person enjoying peace and the love of my family of origen and considering a new relationship with a normal human man. Thanks so much Dr. Vaknin!!

I escaped the fantasy. No regrets whatsoever.

@la.femme-jouet

Жыл бұрын

Congratulation !

Accepting narsisists fantacy is definitely loss Refusing the fantacy is also a loss because then he become victimized again you become a bad object. Their fantasy is a no exit maze

I could listen to you all day 😊 from a borderline woman .

@la.femme-jouet

Жыл бұрын

I want a bordeline woman.

@AnimosityIncarnate

6 ай бұрын

​@@robinfoster9287 He will either learn the head way, or he's looking for some intense stimuli

I had a traumatic pregnancy and my son was extremely anxious as a newborn up until puberty he wouldn’t leave me, he was like plastic food wrap, I constantly hoped and encouraged him to be independent but honoured his need to be with me…always said I loved him and was there for him. But he never separated until adolescence and unfortunately during a family crisis that took place for awhile. I hope everything is ok with us

You described my whole childhood and adolescence. Im a Borderline in healing...I'm trying my best.

This video lecture answers some questions about abusers, that have long since plagued me. Dr. Vaknin, you have a gift for explaining things so clearly: bringing out their inner worlds; their formation and processes, into the public square. This is the healing incubator: 1) the right information, 2) a sense of community, 3) the passion and enthusiasm to take full responsibility for my adult life, living my values, staying present, and making choices based on my own affect regulation. As opposed to, being trapped by my own patterns, which only formed to survive them in the first place. This is freedom of choice, and your plethora of fantastic videos is the royal road to that end for me - thank you so much. -Rivka Edery

This is the best explanation/organization of these toxic dynamics I have listened to. Thank you.

Bwahahaha your funny! I like that I can laugh & learn @ the same time🤙🏼 thank you & aloha from Kona, Hawaii🌺

Absolutely-a movie set and no one gave you a script.

Thank you Sir.I thought I was thinking I was crazy. I have just walked out of a 10 years on and off on again relationship. With a narcissist. Thank goodness For your explanation. I will build my life again. I'm free

@Sistarful

10 ай бұрын

me too!!! Salute!!!

I was trying to figure out in my head why a borderline person would be in close romantic relationships with multiple people. Then you mentioned the collapsing fantasy and I realised it might be so they have backups incase the original fantasy is destroyed entirely.

@redleeks6253

Жыл бұрын

That's a man's strategy, a numbers strategy. Oddly, if a woman uses a man's strategy she's considered disordered. It's very interesting

@sedakame1

Жыл бұрын

​@Red Leeks Again. What makes you think a woman can't be the one with the masculine energy instead of the man?

@bigtreecombatacademy2927

10 ай бұрын

@@redleeks6253enter the feminist

@jenandbarrys5580

10 ай бұрын

LOL ofc leave it to a man to think women being promiscuous like disordered men is "feminism" 🤣🤣🤣 why do they even use the word it means "I hate women" nothing more Feminism straight up says we need our own island, out own country, because men are dangerous, evolved to grape and delete us. 😒 don't worry real feminists are not concerned with effing u lol

@AnimosityIncarnate

6 ай бұрын

​​@@sedakame1why is being a piece of dogshit considered masculine? Y'all are just bad people, who use people, for selfish gain 🤷 I can not be someone with borderline traits telling yall this ffs

Thank you professor Vaknin, you helped me to understand what was happening to me and that I was in an abusive relationship, 7 weeks free of him now and off course just weeks later he moved into a new subjects home. Poor woman is about to live the hell we all endured. Thank you for giving me the knowledge to set myself free

This is life changing information. My mind is blown

My mom died, not metaphorically, she really passed away when I was 2. I ended up with a bipolar disorder. I recognise myself on the imaginary friend part so much... I had an imaginary mother and friends. I use them when I am in danger... Otherwise I am just myself. Later on I fell for the BPD love bombing and now I am utterly destroyed and can't trust anyone anymore

@Sistarful

10 ай бұрын

My Mother was an orphan, she was put in an orphanage of nuns, the Orphanage was on Long Island Sound so my Mother would swim with the porpoises not caring they were fighting off sharks for her; as a baby up to about 6 years old my mother would put me on her back and swim into her Play Ground; my memories of this came back when i called my damaged other half which was my total fantasy. All i can say Darling... we are Women... we will always love bc we give life, that is our biological mandate. Cry, heal, but never give up on your true essence which is LOVE and U R LOVE. remember U are ALWAYS WORTHY FOR LOVE! Yes U R correct the world is very mean right now you have to be cautious but always remember ... Girl we are all in this together!!!! even when we don't know each other!!!! STAY U!

@Gotprivacy-noyoudont

2 ай бұрын

You are not bipolar- it’s likely bpd. Bipolar is a popular diagnosis- easy to proscribe- doesn’t help.. just kicks the can down the road. Address your emotional arrested development

Sam, i would love to hear you about the narcissist/ borderline and their attraction to matriarchs ( usually older, all accepting, nurturing, platonic) later in life.

@maryfrances1307

10 ай бұрын

Interesting. My ex is a narcissist and he seems to be obsessed with old ladies; my mom, his ex mother-in-law, and random women in the neighborhood. I believe that it’s because older women are vulnerable and easy to exploit, but there could be more to it.

@AnimosityIncarnate

6 ай бұрын

​@@maryfrances1307 -mommy take care of me That's it 😂 when I think of what I desire out of women when I was badly in the tanks, A SAVIOUR.

@crooksomebody1138

5 ай бұрын

Maybe because older women have more female and nurturing characteristics? Had I not had a grandmother that was a truly strong female, I'm not sure I would've known they existed. My own mother--who may be a covert narcissist--was and still is unfortunately extremely void of healthy human qualities, and another subscriber to all of the toxic feminist propaganda.

👏🏼😇👏🏼- beginnings of ptsd in children

Watching this really helped answer a lot of questions I had. Such a wild thing to get wrapped up in.

After exiting a Narc Business and friendship relationship 10 years ago, a journey with the Narc that lasted for 12 years prior , its now 22 years later that I finally understand what i was dealing with . Your lecture is 90 percent a bit for bit fit, to this narc. I had him covertly assessed in 2012 and he was 28 out of the scale of 35 at the time. Your lectures are helping in my recovery, I now know from this lecture what i was dealing with , and with content in your other lectures I know that i have to rebuild myself from the beginning. I have begun to revisit feelings and memories from the time before the narc encounter to try to rebuild from that point, sadly, all over again

Wow…So good, one of your best - And that’s saying something. Your ending advice for escaping the fantasy is so powerful… and of course ‘spot on’ - a mitzvah! Thank You!

Very interesting. I’ve lived with both types in different family members all my life. I like how you compare and contrast them side by side, it’s much clearer now for me now to understand. I feel like I I’m a student in a psychology class. Thank you so much for your teachings, Dr. Vaknin.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge, this is very helpful!

Huge Fan! You've been instrumental in my education. Here's to a very dynamic next chapter...

With full respect to you sir please allow me to tell you how much I admire you and your fabulous way you lighten us with your unique lectures you are more like light in the dark God bless you

One of the best lectures I have ever heard! unbelievable

Absolutely Astonishing this has worked out so much in my mind with my Narcissist! Letting go is much easier and better. There is absolutely not choice. Thank you so much Pro. Vaknin!

Thank you Prof. Sam. I am moving on with your help.

Sam Vaknin, you have been helping me heal through my process. All this makes so much sense now. I wish I had known about this 6 years ago! Thank you for bringing awareness!

An absolute masterpiece...this video has provided me the necessary enlightenment to comprehend at last the reasons and the mechanism of narcissistic discard. I feel some kind of "free", relieved and maybe lucky although I also still feel betrayed...even though I have "said the last word". From around 1:35:00 everything becomes clear regarding the "how" and "why" narcissists repeat the same procedure with their un-intimate partners. Thank you very much 🌷 Eleni, Athens, Greece

Thank you for this once again helpful video. 😊

I love how you are now laughing on your videos. Love all your videos. I have experienced narcissism in 2 decades and listening to your channel made me stronger . Thank you so much.

Great information Thank u/hugs

Thank you. This is making so much sense to me now. As I was just before never able to understand my sister. And now at the age of 65 I feel I have lost my sister to her fantasies.

Hmmm this explains my fascination with vampires - I am one. Really though this is a very clear explanation of the npd/bpd magnetism- We fill a specific void within eachother. Reality sucks! Thank you again for such a complete explanation!

Thankyou Professor Vatkin.

@samvaknin

Жыл бұрын

Vaknin.

Thank you professeur Vaknin ❤

Amazing insight!

Please sue someone haha it’s cold , it’s March! Love your being & life’s work Sam.

Brilliant

Amazing video

Please Sam, talk about codependancy more in depth, you are the only one I listen to, please!

@samvaknin

Жыл бұрын

Please Anda, search my channel.

My sister is the narcissist. And my parents. I was the one with imaginary friends who happened to run into a psychopath holding a mirror. Oh how my 42 years on Earth have been a joy. I hope I don’t have any more lessons to learn. Thanks Professor you are amazing.

MASTERPIECE MY MAN SAM VAKIN

Mine made sure and humiliated me, shifted blame etc one month before passing. He said you're ugly....!!!!!. Then at end of conversation he said better yourself, be good. Do t think of me

Thank you for repeating the expensive words!! Please, don't stab me, stay to stabilize me!! I love your accent..and clear ideas.

After 46yrs with a emotionally immature deceitful abuse manchild, You’re dam right I became A-sexual, It’s heartbreaking to realize I wasted yrs trying to have a close relationship with someone incapable, Fuck sad

Is it safe to say that narcissist partners are just interchangeable place holder's, if not you some one else they, paint into the permanent picture of their perfect ideal, regardless of your actual attributes?

@elfriedewolf6809

Жыл бұрын

That picture fits very much to my experience. Thank you for that! Also if this is hard to imagine and hurts of course, as the partner often also has needs to be valued as the individual he/she is. And often more than others.

@susanaltenhofen6450

10 ай бұрын

@@sbdsinc8366 Hope the narcissist is out of your life or at least at distance, if not my prayers with you!

Professor, what if the child is ignored AND told that she’s ugly and unlovable? Does she become both a narcissist and a borderline?

@samvaknin

3 ай бұрын

It's not that simple. Watch the From Child to Narcissist and the BPD playlists.

Careful what you ask for lol global warming is in full swing....so are the narcissistic wounds. Thank you for shedding the light in such a masterful, very clear and comprehensive way. I never really " got it" until I listened to you. I appreciate your humor top..it helps break up the intensity of such a heavy topic.

29:17 😮 this makes total sense.. in the relationship the narcissist wants adulation, respect, to be seen.. the bl wants comfort-security, to be reassured 🤯

I love this man❤❤❤❤

I was relating to some of the beginning traits of both BPD and NPD until they got to what you do with your empty core. Both dead ended for me. Right into the void of the schizoid. I see how I'm different from my mother with NPD and sister with BPD. Also, I've been diagnosed with PD-NOS . Ha. I had no imaginary friends, I just spent my time in the fantasy of my own mind.

Dr. Vaknin Thank you! i have dipped into your so helpful lessons; and, everything you have described is so real. As a woman and a mother it hurts me that Society, here in America, is so cruel that it destroys children; what do U think of my assessment that Capitalism makes Narcissist? They are extremely successful; it is what it takes for this successful person to make the advantages cause in Capitalism EVERYONE IS AN OBJECT! So its a machine that designed to make Narcissist cause it needs Narcissist to make Industry Run! so that's how I feel about it and I feel really bad as a Mother that this is the world my now GreatGrands have to adjust to bc we are all objects over here in the Outside world!

My border line sister tried to use me as her security blanket after our mother died when we were young.

Is it possible for the child to be stuck in the anxious depressive state for a prolonged period of time and just avoid until they come to terms with reality?

Thank u, Sam❤️

One of these push pull leave but u better stay relationships last year absolutely dismantled my dumb ass

😂The good weather is In Portugal ❤😊

I was left and abandoned In a very dark environment with thank goodness my great grandmother saved me when parents just left me there to die , but this went on for years being completely ignored like I was a ghost by my father who I believe who is a Psychopath I believe 100 percent and has made it he's goal in life to destroy everything wonderful in my life , anyway I know I have cpst but I believe I'm a borderline cause I'm constantly drowning in my emotions all the time. but I'm not a professional 😅

On second thought, What more can be said? I'll try to see myself.

You should win a peace prize

I believe that my husband is a covert narcissist. He has all of the attributes that you have explained in many of your videos on narcissism. However, when you started to talk here about the borderline and they’re not having an introject of you, that they are clingy they miss you when you were gone that explain to him in the beginning of the relationship could’ve just been some sort of narcissistic control. He was always clingy always very sexual so he’s a somatic narcissist it seemed that he loved the sex act more than he loved me, or the emotional part of it, and that was very displeasing to me but he also seem very clingy and called me often and told me how he missed me so much. Was this just manipulation or is it possible for a narcissist? Also to have borderline tendencies he is aware he has mother issues. He had an extremely bad childhood and does not like his mother, but is also desperate for her love.

One Hundred Years of Solitude 😢

It's bloody cold in the USA too Prosf.Sam

@marylourodriguez9227

Жыл бұрын

Not in Texas!

@darleenmcbride8900

Жыл бұрын

@@marylourodriguez9227 It's just starting to warm up alittle here. Praise the Lord 🙏 I don't care for cold weather, makes my body ache. Have a blessed weekend 🙏

Do siblings do the same thing? Make there siblings a fantasy?

@samvaknin

5 ай бұрын

Sometimes.

This is excellent material, Prof, is it ok if I share your content? And give it translation?

@samvaknin

4 ай бұрын

You don't need my permission. It is under the Creative Commons licence. Go ahead.

@daat9020

4 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin You're a star 🌟 thank you

Sam, What's your thoughts on a child with an imaginary friend where the child keeps saying friend always runs away? That holds hands with imaginary friend to stop them running away.

Dear Professor Vaknin, do the internal processes of the narcissist run in fixed time patterns ? It has been my experience that the Hoover attempts of the narcissist take place in a 90-day rhythm.

@samvaknin

Жыл бұрын

No.

@kirstenschmidt5148

Жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin thanks

This video is shocking to me. Is it common for narcissists and borderlines to seek each other and by some recognition, start relationships with each other?

@samvaknin

8 ай бұрын

Search the channel.

Dear sam, i have watched a lot of your videos,and i think im a little bit close to unserstand the narcisisst behaviour ,in fact ( i have read a sentence once witch has caught my attention "the greatest strength of the humiliator is found in the weakness and resignation of the one who is humiliated" i was wondering who are those people the narcisist specifically abuse,what are theirs weaknesses? Why them specially ? There most be something wrong as well with those who are trapped by narcissists?thanks a lot professor

@samvaknin

Жыл бұрын

I was wondering why you don't search my channel for answers to your questions.

Could a person become an inanimate object in the NPD world? Like a doll or NPC? If a person was just there for the NPD so they wouldn't be alone? Not feeding the void of grandiose or engaging. Just be. And if a person could just become a doll or blanket in a NPD world in-between the false and non self, would it help just not feel alone?

What age is the imaginary friend created? At 3 years old? Or just anytime before 6 yrs old?

@samvaknin

3 ай бұрын

Search the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

I understand that information from the movie describes clinical cases of NPD and BPD. But what about people with only some traits or for example narcissistic personality style? How much of the information from movie refers to them?

@samvaknin

5 ай бұрын

It applies only to the full-fledged disorders.

@Sam Vaknin why does a narcissist hoover to compare you to the new supply, tell you she’s better than you because she’s more obedient? If she’s doing what he says, he doesn’t have to hoover to hurt ex supply.

Hi! Sam, thank you again for this. I have a question. Can a 42 year old narcissist make a new introject by idealizing a teenager as his “mom”?

@samvaknin

Жыл бұрын

Only as an intimate partner. Otherwise, it would be merely a form of parentifying.

@kcaf3705

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your answer

Hi Sam Can one be kind of stuck in the anxious depressive position for many years without becoming a borderline or narcissist and still have the ability to develop object relations

@samvaknin

Ай бұрын

Yes.

Trapped in Fantasy Worlds of Narcissist, Borderline on an Island...send help 🤣😬

how come the narc can't change the interject?

This is beneficial content. Should this subject be to your liking, a similar book could be advantageous. "Stars Aligned" by Olivia Whitestone

I Think I'm a borderline something ❤

How to effectively tell / motivate a Narcissist to start therapy.. ?

@Gotprivacy-noyoudont

2 ай бұрын

They won’t if they don’t let go of the fantasy- which they think is all they have. You can’t help them- even if it is your own children

shoshanim - lillies?

Professor, as a borderline only now figuring it out in the middle of life, how do I escape the fantasy? Yes, I'm being formally treated by a professional but she's resistant to the BPD diagnosis. I get it. It's not something to do lightly but it's the only thing that fits and all my other attempts at formal treatment: therapy, EMDR, shadow work, my issues, from CPTSD to MDD, are resistant. I can see it all when I look back on my life and relationships: my childhood, how I absorb people, black and white thinking, delusional introjects, favorite person, extreme and frequent mood swings, intermittent reinforcement, impulsivity, lifelong gaslighting both externally and internally, self-hated, abyssal feelings of emptiness and suicidal ideation ... my entire life, all the criteria are textbook. How do I figure out who I actually am, escape the fantasy, and heal all of that trauma, especially as it's been piling up for 40 years? This seems hopeless.

@samvaknin

7 ай бұрын

Watch the videos in the healing and recovery playlist.

@anniecarter5532

7 ай бұрын

Thank you.

This is a bit weird.. It's a bit too complicated . It's reminisces of Dony darko the film.

LOL @ "where is global warming when you need it".