I have never heard such an accurate, detailed description. Your explanation breaks down why, when I knew it was time for me to go, I felt I had to pass that man off to someone else -- specifically, to another woman. In reality, he already had several other women in his life and had been working to get me to leave. Yet, when I did leave, I was smeared, devalued, and punished via the divorce. The only victory is no contact.

Long before I learned about narcissism I noticed that he would repeatedly tell me to call him names after an afternoon of him acting up. He would even tell me which names to call him saying ‘you know you want to’ I never obliged and once told him, ‘yeah I’m not falling for that one’ Blissfully Narc free for 3 years now but it’s always good to keep these things fresh in our minds for any that happen to be circling

I need this explanation of the narcissist to prevent me from trying again and again expecting him to change. The devaluation was real, I thought it was all in my head as he told me. I have to learn more, thank you Sam I will continue to listen to you to save myself!

So VERY insightful AND SO TRUE! That's exactly what happens!! God, it's so sad, intense, and crazy making. How wonderful to have it explained precisely correct. Wow! Thank you for creating this video and all the others.

Dr. Vaknin, please speak about this process of individualization & how it may be played out with parental objects as well as sibling objects ? The mother & sister are narcissists. Why did I not get entangled with a Male partner who was a narcissist ? I only had a female best friend,(so I believed) that was my roommate for 21 yrs. She really screwed me in the end when I was dumped for getting I'll & was told I won't be a caretaker for you. She pulled the money carpet out from under me when I was diagnosed with advanced cancer & when I told her I had cancer, the eerie, strange & distorted response was, "yeah, I already know about cancer from my father". Who passed from it. The with mask OFF, told me that "you have to deal with it don't you ?"...meaning I had no funds & was living as a squatter in a basement apartment ! Her last remark, said with an evil, hateful sneer, was; " I was ALWAYS jealous of you ! She meant that she hated me. I felt it go through my body. Sick, sick, sad human. A black hole, who twinkles in & out if the event horizon.....now you see it, now it's distorted & now you don't see "IT", The narc. She also took all of my belongings out of the storage space & never told me where my important items were, the things that were most & sentimental to me. Never saw or heard from "IT" again. Sooo weird. Destroyed me & all things associated with me. Forgive the book here. As I listen to the very last word of your longest lectures. Please speak on narcissists as anyone else aside from an intimate partner. Thank you. Look forward to your speaking engagements which talk about narcs in reference to good friends or parents & siblings. How does the dynamic play out on that stage, so to speak. I KNOW I was the "Good Mommy" to me covert, self effacing female bestfriend. I am female & heterosexual as well. Thank Dear Dr. Vaknin. The theory has become objective FACT !... pun much intended. I must laugh at my fallible self & continue to reinvent myself. Takes quite some effort & time. Probably a life mission, whatever I have left with this cancer. The bestfriend & sister wanted the MOTHER, (me) dead already. Was given 6 to 8 months to live 6 years ago. No Dr can explain why my tumors spontaneously regressed & shrunk into scars. It was aggressive too. Well, I'm still here. Ha ha ha. They couldn't kill their old "DEAD MOMMY".... gotta laugh

Loved it! I gotta share this. I use to tell my narcissistic husband often in the first couple of years that he was the best. He would respond with "no your the best. I can't be the best unless your the best" I always thought it was odd but sweet too. Maybe was one of those red flags I unknowingly ignore. I noticed early on that everything that he ever said was always thought out. Again I thought he was just really thoughtful. No. Manipulative

Absolutely profound information Prof.Vaknin. Thank you for sharing your intellectual depth and giving people so much knowledge. Knowledge IS POWER!

The way this is explained is mind blowing 🤯 Then you realize, as in your other videos that healing starts when you have individuated and silenced their voice. Thank you so much for this material.

Thank god for you Sam. You saved my mental sanity. Revelation.

It’s annoying to realize my twenty year long nightmare was in fact, not unique or special!! A pathological skipping record player 🎼 of pain and misery. Oh yeah! It’s Fathers Day y’all ! I just want to give a big shout out to my OG Narcissistic Father. 🐌 Dear Dad, many have followed🥾 in your steps but you’ll always be my #1 🤩

Omg this is powerful! We need to hear this to avoid this individuals at all costs.

This all makes sense...how tragic that a child can develop into a personality such as you describe.. I do feel such empathy for my brother...even though he could be a poster boy for narcissism...to be so damaged.again Sam you remind me of the reality of this personality disorder...the sad truth...thank you..

I’ve been with him for 30 years and he got caught now he is making up a narritive that is not even true to discard me

This explanation is so water clear! Thank you, Dr. V. I love you!

Almost everyone has a sadistic inner critic that can be co-opted by an external motive. Even more so if you are an empathetic and caring person. What an amazing journey we are all on.

Thank you SO very much for making these videos Prof. It has been 20 days since my husband of 28 years hung himself in our home. Your comments have literally saved my life these past days. I was going out of my mind thinking I did this to him...and that I could have done something..loved him more.. I have been hating myself so much for failing him and not being there for him when he killed himself. I have been gutted. I am trying to forgive myself. I just dont understand why he would kill himself. Thank you so much

💯 however I know my worth and he never was able to control me or my thoughts- I’m still being attacked daily 14 years of hell and I’m still going through this disgusting divorce 18 months of slander, emotional abuse financial abuse and sexually being objectified. I will prevail 🙏✝️ no I have prevailed because I’m able to look right through it.

@dmurato8

Жыл бұрын

Nice!!!

@victoriavictoria8074

Жыл бұрын

Awesome 🥰 well done for taking back your power. In a similar situation. 2 month away from finalised divorce. Life is good🎶💃🏼🦋🌸🌟

Thankyou so much Dr Sam you helped me to heal and learn.. love from New Mexico

Thank you again for all of your videos!!

Right on! Exactly!! Perfectly explained.

Dear Mr.Vaknin,I really thank you for saving my relation with a value person.But I study BDP in an applied mode for more then 3years.You offered me so many answers to all the narcissistic parts of pwBdp-s.The world is more precious having you,dear prof.And I appreciate your humor,and sometimes I really went aslept in your lessons. Thx for all,good work,Violetta ex philosopher and ex Hungarian

You're a genius . 👏

AMAZING INSIGHT .. TRULY THIS CONDITION IS COUNTER INTUITIVE .. THANKS SO MUCH PROF FOR ALL THAT YOU OFFER UP FOR ALL TO ASSIMILATE .. ALWAYS STAY .. B .. X 🖤

So when the narcs fantasy can no longer be sustained as you become the imperfect real you external person, how is the narc able to still retain internal version of you especially after you have exited the ‘relationship’ causing narcissistic injury and are perceived as all bad?

Snap Shot! Nowonder She used to say to me that " i made you "

OMG ! SO TRUE 😨

Astounding!

Thanks Prof. Vaknin, always very insightful. My question is: if mortification renders the internal snapshot a bad object, then would mortification allow finally the narcissit to acheive seperation-individuation? And if yes, this process should not then “heal” the narcissit, because he has finally individuated and achieved his goal? Why then even after mortification he will still go through the same process with his next intimate partners?

@roxygo6884

2 жыл бұрын

They need ongoing supply to feel better inside, mortification is a temporary relief from his inability to feel normal, it doesn't last long because you are no longer available to reinforce his perceptions, he has to recreate it in using someone else who is available, I think they can't help themselves, it's the only way they know how to be.. they need external feedback from others to obtain a sense of self worth.. it's a scary predicament to be in.. and must be terrifying to be empty inside and truly alone with nobody, not even himself.. I would not want to live long that way.. he must find the one who can withstand the conditions of his perceptions of reality.. Few can, less do, so the search continues.. Lost at sea

@landoud1

2 жыл бұрын

But isn’t mortification supposed to “heal” once for all? If a narcissist needs to separate individuate and mortification allows this by rendering the internal object of the “mortifier” a bad object. I understood that they individuate from an internal bad object

Thank you for your incredible knowledge on this topic. This was a fascinating lecture. It is very evident other individuals who claim to be experts on this topic online are frauds and very uneducated.

I wonder why the narcissist not can release from his mother in the reality? Can he go back in a theraphy to release? So this not have to repeats in new dramas? Is he not aware of this at all? Its that why it is a disorder?

Dear Prof. Following this logic means that a narc has several mothers walking around on this globe - at least the ones who are consciously or unconsciously enter the shared fantasy. Is the value of such mothers the same in the eye of the narc or is there a distinction between the value of such mothers (lovers)? What I try to ask is if every mother has the same value or - just like in the cases of the so called normal people - there are mothers (lovers) with more and there are mothers with less value? On what base is the value determined / how are they chategorised? Is the value determined according to the amount of the supply (3S) they provided or according to the extend of emotional abuse they endured? Or there is no such thing as more or less valuable mother (lover)? Does the value correlate with the amount of the hoovering? The more valuable the more hoovering (in case there was no mortification of course)? This info might be useful so that one can prepare a bit for the hoovering. Would appreciate your answer, in case you find these questions relevant. Kr

@Melissa-fx9nx

2 жыл бұрын

Sam once said, there is no significant other. No one. That means, no difference. Though there is grade A supply. But once he discard you, even though you were his super good supply in the past, you were erased instantly. And of course you were replaced at same time. You are no use to himself anymore. So just accept the fact, and don’t hold the illusion anymore, thought he may valued you more. And more importantly, stop caring him.

GREAT

I'm blown away! This is some real mental sh.t 😮

I am a very accomplished marketer. Just want to say...l really like that you displayed your books at the top of this you tube video. As a consistent BRAND/LOGO so to speak... it would be great to put all 4 (stacked one on top of the other...in a box on the left side of screen...and your normal live video photo in a box on the right side of screen... (such as split screen). Having these books displayed led to my instinct (or compulsion) to go to Amazon and order these books while listening to this video at same time. I have been listening to you for a couple of years, but never remember to order books l want & always seems to be another step (as in - out of sight, out of mind). Today (after 2yrs) this sight line led to ordering 3 of 4, both paperback books & Audible books. Great Lead (up-sell).

What about the borderlines with narcissistic traits? They apply for all of this or they have some light of hope?

@samvaknin

2 жыл бұрын

Watch my vids on covert borderline.

Professor do these videos all the three parts also apply to psychopaths or psychopathic narcissists? Thank you

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

Not to psychopaths, yes to malignant (psychopathic) narcissists.

Doctor and if the problem with father is not with mother? What hapened? Same?

@samvaknin

Жыл бұрын

No.

@mahanaha761

Жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin how?

@mahanaha761

Жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin please doctor can you tall me how

The content may may be accurate. However, I find it very odd that most of the comments about a narc relationship here our from mostly women. Isn’t one of the main things a narc does is accuse those of what they are? I would imagine there are just as much female narcissist out there as men. Just look at social media and reality shows. No hard numbers but I would guess female by in large suffer from narcissism more than men due to most women having more insecurities in general then men do.

@dangalangslanger1254

Жыл бұрын

Part one of this video discusses the rate of narcissism in women to be almost equal to that in men. But the comments are mostly from women. Maybe men just just say we'll she was crazy and move on..usually finding a partner just like the last