"Love yourself" is one I heard a lot from people, online and in-person. If you are lonely and specifically seeking outside validation, inside validation is kind of like a square peg for a round hole.

For me they said "My life is harder than your life and i dont even have depression" that advice did not help me at all and i think that not even an advice.

@FlyingWolve

Жыл бұрын

That doesnt even make sense cause nobody is the same, some people are more sensitive or more prone to mental disorders/depression even due to genetics..

I've never had a therapist dismiss my depression but I am pretty sure that I've heard all of the trite little sayings that basically mean "get over it" from various people that genuinely believe telling me to "fake it 'til you make it" will help. I feel very sensitive to it and would drop the therapist immediately if they said anything to that effect. If anyone suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental health issues could just snap their fingers and be better we would have done it ages ago.

After seeing the same therapist once a week for nearly a decade, I finally felt good enough to want to take back my life and start doing something with it. I asked her for help in navigating that, in finding goals to start functioning as a new adult out in the world as I was barely over 19. I was nervous and scared and really needed small achievable goals so I could work my way up to bigger ones like learning to drive and getting a job. But when I asked my therapist for this advice and guidance, she told me *“I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself.”* I remember sitting there in her office flabbergasted, wondering what the hell I was doing there week after week, year after year, if not trying to help myself! I was furious! I remember silently fuming, and I shutdown only to storm out of there and never go back. Took me over four years to claw my way out on my own self-management after that, but I did relapse only five years ago. I am one of those people who can only manage the problem. There’s no cure for me. I tried therapists again-didn’t work. I tried TMS therapy-didn’t work. I tried ketamine infusion therapy-didn’t work. I refused to take anymore antidepressants because they never helped me before so I don’t see how they would suddenly help now. Every specialist I saw though kept trying to force me to take them despite my adamant refusal. It was like they didn’t believe me when I said they made me worse, not better. It’s so unbelievably frustrating trying to take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically when everyone else wants to tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about when discussing *your own body, your own emotions, and your own mentality.* 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Bambi-ek7lv

Жыл бұрын

I know this might be a bit presumptuous of me, but have you considered that the antidepressants have never worked because you’re dealing with more than just depression? I only have my experience with my own self-managed depression and the knowledge I’ve gained through studying behavioral neuroscience and pursing medicine, but ofc, (not trying to diagnose you with anything) but often depression that only seems to worsen while taking antidepressants can be an indication that there is something else that can also be going on. A lot of other mental health conditions rely on the same neurotransmitters as depression, so sometimes just targeting those thinking someone only has depression just exasperates the others. Like I said, what do I really know. I would just hate this potentially being a case where something was missed that could have given you the full picture to better manage what you’ve been experiencing

@HollyCzanirov

Жыл бұрын

@@Bambi-ek7lv It’s a thought. I’ve definitely wondered if it’s something else but who would I go to about it? I’ve asked professionals if it could be bipolar disorder II, Borderline personality disorder, anxiety, autism etc, and I’ve kinda just gotten shrugs from the therapists and psychiatrists about it who then just keep pushing the antidepressants. I haven’t had a single professional be willing to examine it further, run any tests or anything other than an ADHD test once. So I appreciate the feedback and I’ve thought about it, but I’m not willing to risk what stability I have by going to another professional to shove pills down my throat. Most of the time, it’s trial and error with medications, so there’s not a test to take before hand, just take the meds and see what happens (or at least that’s what I’ve been told). I can’t afford to waste two more decades of my life living with the fallout of bad useless scripts. I don’t have the luxury of being a minor who is reliant on a parent anymore to pay my way. I have to work to pay bills and provide for myself. I can’t work if I’m consistently playing with my body chemistry and unable to remain stable enough to hold down a job. Part of me feels like I need a social worker or an advocate to help me navigate all this to see if I qualify for disability or any kind of assistance so that I can live more independently. But it’s all just so overwhelming. I don’t know where to begin, what else to do, or what my other options are.

@Bambi-ek7lv

Жыл бұрын

@@HollyCzanirov I hear you, and I’m so sorry no healthcare professional has been willing to listen and help you seriously explore different explanations. I’ve also hit the phase where I can’t afford to mess with my body chemistry and have that impact the stability I’m barely maintaining. Really wishing you the best and sending lots of love and strength to keep getting through this💕

@HollyCzanirov

Жыл бұрын

@@Bambi-ek7lv thank you that’s very sweet. Wishing you all the best as well.

I remember one time when I first started therapy I had a really hard time saying how I felt. But one day I finally worked up the nerve to tell my counselor that I was feeling depressed and he said " yeah sometimes people get depressed". So I said to him I don't know if you think that helps but it doesn't. WTF

NB: Sometimes you can’t start with diet and exercise, because you don’t have the energy (mental, physical or otherwise) to do things like grocery shopping, cooking or, you know, leaving the house to take a walk, so starting with medication might be necessary to jump start your engine so you can get back on track. I’ve had many times that I’ve needed meds/therapy and people have told me to just go for a run or eat healthier not realizing that if I had the ability to do that I would :) I start feeling better, I get in better routines, and I don’t need the meds anymore (ahem). If you need meds FIRST, that’s valid, too. It’s not lazy or any of the other negative things well meaning people sometimes imply :)

@Nashleyism

10 ай бұрын

This! Also there are people for whom taking care of themselves is a very hard work (i.e. people with executive dysfunction, PDA, cPTSD) and they need lots of therapy and skills, which takes time and requires lots of energy, which they don't have because of depression. Horrible loop. There may be also lots of shame involved, because they want to be healthy and love themselves, they tried but failed

I think the hardest type of response I get is with mental health becoming a more talked about thing in society, everyone and their mother who has experienced depression thinks our depression is the same. When another person you know who has gone through depression tries the choose not to be sad thing, it stings a bit extra. I wish my MDD was the winter blues, but I’ve been cycling through this since middle school. Honestly, being chronically depressed but often extremely high functioning does not help people understand your situation well

I’m a functioning depressive which is due to the genetic conditions I live with everyday , I get days though I can’t can’t function at all , I try and get by as best as I can ❤

When I was diagnosed with a stress related depression, my (then) therapist told me that usually she’d tell her patients to “just go out and dig” and she really meant to just pick up a shovel and randomly dig out the dirt. This was in the middle of winter in Northern Europe, the ground was frozen, and I barely had the energy to get out of bed or eat. Digging frozen dirt didn’t really seem like the best option when even eating seemed like it would require far too much effort.

I needed to go to a clinic for of a (then) undiagnosed chronic depression. I expected the solution to be nutrition, exercise, meditation and all of that. Honestly, a shortcut to getting better. It wasn't, it was the monkey bars. It took me almost half a year in the clinic to let go of the monkey bars. I did but that was hard. What's really frustrating for me are the days when I realize "Wait a second... I'm on the monkey bars again! How did that happen?". Those stupid sneaky monkey bars...

I wrestle with chronic depression due to OCD symptoms (and possibly undiagnosed autism) and my dad constantly doesn't believe in those types of disorders. I've had to work on his mindset about even believing them, and he still will tell me to get over something or try to fix me. I've found what helps me in the long term is taking "off days" where I go with someone to a place to have fun, make something creative, and enjoy the day. I'm an artist by career, but I also like to do art to relax, so I take day trips somewhere and take pictures or paint. Nature really helps me. It's quiet and inspires me, and when I'm back home after a day out I feel so much lighter.

I knew it was Eeyore! I've always had a love/hate relationship with that all-too-relatable character!

I deal with depression that waxes and wanes because I live with multiple debilitating chronic illnesses that have caused me to lose so much of my independence and health. It’s situational, but it’s also forever, because my illnesses will be with me forever and there’s a never-ending cycle of grieving the life I thought I would have. Group therapy helps. Having supportive loved ones who I can trust and talk to help. When I first became permanently disabled by my illness, I was 25 and shattered, trying to adjust and grieve, and my therapist at the time said, “At least it’s not bone cancer.”

@MrBrock314

Жыл бұрын

Perspective can be an important tool. Your therapist was probably trying for that.

I was told in the last session of my autism assessment that ‘If I can’t express properly, how much a topic affects me in emotions, I am not ready for therapy.’ needless to say, I didn’t get a diagnosis from them.

@sarahlandis289

11 ай бұрын

Pretty sure that's a decent sign you have it. Sorry about the botched attempted diagnosis. I'm on the autism spectrum and I struggle at times with expressing myself too. Sometimes I get asked what's going on in my head and I genuinely do not know how to put it to words.

@asahitora

11 ай бұрын

@@sarahlandis289 That is so relatable! Sometimes and can also rationally explain, what is going on inside me, but the range of emotions I can show do now align, with what I say. According to the psychologist that is caused by my heterogeneous intelligence profile and I most likely have ADHD. But to be honest, there were a lot of things going wrong in that last session.

My last primary care physician when I asked about maybe starting some therapy after ten years of feeling afraid to bring it up: "I don't believe in therapy. Go to church or talk to a friend. I'm prescribing you an antidepressant."

@MrBrock314

Жыл бұрын

To be fair, talking to a friend or going to a church are forms of therapy. So, he just believed in a different type of therapy.

This isn't advice but my therapist in the past literally told me "I feel like we've hit a brick wall in terms of your treatment... I don't know where you want to go from here but there's just too many circumstances in your life that are out of your control and there's only so much I can do as your therapist."

@MrBrock314

Жыл бұрын

I mean, that just feels like a valid statement for any human being. Therapists aren't magic. They have limited powers.

Music is a big help for me. Some days I just need to express what im feeling thats when I turn to the negative feelings playlist. When I feel like I need a bit of a push to get motivated I use my positive playlist. Some times I just want to talk with someone about how im feeling but that never really works out as they don't understand just because I talk about feeling suicidal does not mean I'll do anything to harm myself. The talking actually helps relieve that thought and urge.

I had a bad bout of depression recently. Turned out it was being caused by a medication I was taking. Within a week of weaning off of it, the world got brighter. It's been several months and I'm finally feeling lighter and brighter and no longer completely overwhelmed by the world all the time.

Not really terrible advice but I once had a therapist tell me that most people in my situation would have commited suicide by now. I was in college at the time I think and this therapist had seen everyone in my family at some point so he had an idea of what my home life was like. I wasn't sure how to respond to that statement.

@MrBrock314

Жыл бұрын

Probably designed as a compliment although it feels like it could easily be taken the other way.

My second attempt to end my life was when I was 16. I was kept in the hospital until the middle of the night, where I was told that they believed I was upset, but there was nothing the people at the hospital could do about it. I was told that if i wanted to die, I would do it whether I was in the hospital or not. It's been almost a decade, and I've never forgotten that moment of hopelessness. I had just tried to slit my wrists and no one would help me. Honestly Jonathan, you are the only therapist I trust. Thank you for your kindness and support. It truly means a lot.

I have depression, anxiety and pretty sure I have ADHD too. Once while discussing how I organize things so I can get them done (take a big pile and organize into categories, ie smaller piles, and then work on one pile at a time. Like take all the laundry and sort into underwear, socks, pjs, etc and work each pile at time) my therapist basically said you are making more work for yourself, just do it. He said to just spend 5 minutes working on the big pile, then come back to it later. My thing is once I start working on something, my brain needs to finish it, and if I know I won't be able to finish it in one go, I'm unlikely to even start. So making smaller manageable piles helps with that, but it really felt like he wasn't listening and telling me I was a failure at life.

Johann Hari’s book Lost Connections is a brilliant read regarding the mental health of Western society, including his own tendency towards depression.

The most important thing is to love who you are...Self love is the greatest love we can have. What does that even mean self love how can I love myself if I'm trapped in darkness if I look at myself and see nothing but detestable stuff. Making a list of good things feels hollow and contrived.

@MrBrock314

Жыл бұрын

Perhaps practicing taking other's perspectives? I doubt those around you only see detestable things. You may have to take their word for it at first.

@DreaLightrider

Жыл бұрын

@@MrBrock314 hahaha My sister is a therapist and she said the same thing and then a couple days ago I was watching an anime and one of the characters said the same thing.... I love it when the universe whacks me up the back of the head with a "here's what you were supposed to learn" thank you for the confirmation.

I went to a therapist for Postpartum depression. She listened to me talk about everything. Then she told me that she thought I had, in her words, spoiled brat syndrome and I needed to get over myself. I finally got with another therapist twenty odd years later. This one recommended books for me and then left the practice. I was completely dropped.

Still to this day my favorite and most hated advice I ever got from a psychologist was, "You're too smart to be depressed." Had me take an IQ test and everything to validate what he said. For me, I've been dealing with depression since childhood, I believe it's a mix of deep-seeded trauma as well as a biological component (only recently was informed of an issue with my pituitary which has prevented the normal production of at least four hormones, which has definitely had an effect. And while I'm on meds, and will likely be on them for the rest of my life, I find what helped me the most is finding an occupation that worked well with my specific idiosyncrasies and needs. It's hard to feel as depressed when you know you're doing good work and feel good about where you are or where you're headed. I still absolutely have bad days, and days where the depression is just... heavy and out of the blue. But with the complete change of lifestsyle which led to a change in my circumstances, and the added benefit of the right medication, it's gone from an every day fight for mental stability to something I finally feel I'm managing.

@Camp-Rock-Groupie

9 ай бұрын

I had a similar experience in the "taking a test" part to yours. She googled a depression test, had me take it and then she concluded that I was, in fact, depressed. I'm sorry you had to go through that with that psychologist. I'm happy for you that you finally feel like you're managing and although I'm a random internet stranger, I'm cheering you on nonetheless. :)

I was told that I should have waited to go to college and put my life on hold until I solved all of my "issues"

@MrBrock314

Жыл бұрын

Well, I guess it depends if those issues prevent you from succeeding in college. College can be a lot of work and starting a multi-year journey if you're not prepared for it can have the opposite effect. It can be a great time for socialization and focusing on a future career or it can be serious bump in the road to finding yourself if you're not ready for it or there for the reasons it's designed for.

Undiagnosed ADHD also contributes to chronic depression. The advice to work on nutrition, sleep and exercise is good but what if my chronic underlying condition makes it hard to visual long-term goals and stick to routines? If you have chronic depression, looking into ADHD as a cause might help. The shame and sadness of a lifetime of being too much and not enough at the same time, while never knowing why, will lead to depression if you don't get to the root cause. ❤

@twylenb

Жыл бұрын

Same can be said of Autism. A lot of people discover they are autistic after burning out very badly and having to reevaluate themselves.

@MrBrock314

Жыл бұрын

Perhaps find someone with ADHD who was able to accomplish long-term goals and figure out or ask how they did it. Maybe it will work for you.

@annes3912

Жыл бұрын

I went to a therapist for this reason, to find out if I had undiagnosed ADHD and the therapist said to me, 'Why do you need to put a label on it?' Like, what?! How do you figure out what help you need if you don't figure out what you have?

My depression i cannot even tell you... nobody, nothing has helped.. i cannot get back what I want, and : you have to let go , i should be grateful for what I still have, others have it worse off in the world,.... etc. I lost my want/will to live.... 5 months ago I was extremely happy, with a great career job,.... now, i have nothing., unable to endure the traumatic event.... that has shattered me personally,... im in so much hurt, my words aren't taken seriously as if i shouldn't feel this way..

This wasn't my therapist, but the psychiatrist at the hospital. When she told me that I would be on a 72hour hold, she said "now don't you feel foolish for what you did?"

If you act happy you'll be happy.... psychoshrink told me which helped push me over the edge where I ended up in the paych ward

@MrBrock314

Жыл бұрын

It's not entirely false. There is some evidence to suggest that 'faking it til you make it' does work. But it won't in all cases for sure.

I was misdiagnosed with major depression during a stay in the psych ward. when I was there, I was told by a therapist that I my depression was probably a result of having BPD and that I attempted Sucide for attention I was so over medicated I could barely respond. I know now that it was a combo of ADHD, PTSD and substance use disorder that contributed to my suicide attempt back then. I am lucky that I have not had to return to the psych ward since then. I work in mental health and have a loved one with a serious chronic mental health condition and I have two myself. Nothing makes more frustrated and angry then when shitty therapists tell vulnerable mentally ill people that they are behaving a certain way that is tied to their illness for attention. It is this kind of gaslighting that contributes to high rates of suicide and prevents people from reaching out for the help that they need. Its because of my support system, proper diagnosis and my ability to self advocate that I am alive today. Many are not blessed in this way and don't survive.

Thanks this was very helpful. Things I found hard to hear were: just choose happiness (a youtuber said that to me). Like im trying and you just made me feel worse because now I feel like im not trying hard enough and Im just doing this to myself.

A Mind Spread Out On The Ground by Alicia Elliott is a really great collection of essays on where depression comes from, shining a light on racism, unstable family conditions while growing up etc... it's also a translation of the term for depression in Mohawk, which Alicia Elliott is a member of.

I'm a high functioning chronic depressive. My depression came about from my childhood trauma, and because of how it developed, antidepressants won't affect me. I get through every day by reminding myself that I will not let my mental health problems get the better of me. I will not let them win out of spite and stubbornness.

Advice I got from a therapist: Its my job to solve someone else's alcoholism, and if im not putting them in rehab, I must not want to get better.

Shit therapist say: “ well, maybe you’ve outgrown AA”. I have 12 yrs of sobriety and AA has been a huge part of my life. I moved to a new state and depression has been kicking my ass so I haven’t been to many meetings and I told my therapist. I said im not happy w/AA here and haven’t been praying/meditating and I miss my higher power. Thats when she said well maybe you’ve outgrown it and need something else to define you. You have coping skills now and you could be going thru post traumatic growth. Try something else. You don’t always have to keep fixing yourself… As she spoke, my first thought was, hmm maybe she’s right and now I can have a drink once in a while.

Where I am from people don't believe that depression is a real thing.My parents think it's a movie thing.... fictional 😅.They didn't think I was depressed but they thought I was lazy,careless and disrespectful.After ignoring my depression for a whole decade, trying to maintain my grades at school I finally broke and couldn't maintain my grades like I used to.When I told them what I was going through.....or better yet when they forced me to say what was wrong they went silent.They began to say that "people have been through this,you can too".That made me feel as though I haven't been trying enough to be better.My father was adamant that I didn't trust family because I went to therapy.He said that even if I committed a crime I should tell family first.Even when I told him that the betrayal was from the family or my family did something to me he didn't change his mind.They said that I'm trying to blame them for everything especially my bad grades.Its been three months they don't talk about it.😢

@theladyamalthea

Жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry to read this. Your family sounds deeply emotionally immature and unhelpful. Those family betrayals usually hurt the worst. Is there any way you can move and get away from them? I have done a lot of healing since cutting my parents out of my life and rejecting most of their ideals. Patrick Teahan is an excellent KZread Therapist for family stuff.

My favorite currently is comparing an aversion to sex (from trauma) to cleaning up the pee and poop from a cat you don't like. The main point was you do it anyways, because you love the person? I think? Lol

Thank you very much for the video! The thing is it's vital for me to get good sleep, nutrition and exercise. I wasn't properly diagnosed but I had some medication. Now because I feel better taking care of myself helps me to keep going.

Based on my experience when you have the right environment and tools you do have to put effort into being proactive about getting out of depression. If your life is crap, there's a lot you have to address before you can address your depression.

I don’t know if I can say that I have depression because I enjoy playing dungeons and dragons. I mean, it could be the fact that I’m socializing with others who doesn’t constantly shame and criticize me for every single thing that I do.

Get out by the process of what? Nice to see that you showed the complexity of this problem here.

Bad advice from a therapist? There was this once when I was 18 and tried to explain to my therapist how I'd blank out for days at a time after my mother had had one of her frequent fits of rage and blaming and gaslighting. Like back then I didn't really have the knowledge and the words to express properly how she was abusing me and I didn't know what dissociation was, I just knew things were not right, what was happening to me was not okay. So I told him that it was kind of like sleepwalking, or just moving on autopilot, that I would go through live with my brain completely off, not feeling anything, even physical sensations, not having a single thought, and then eventually I would come back to my senses and it was kind of like waking up from a dream, that I would barely have any recollection at all of all that time while I had been out of it. He just looked at me and told me that that was perfectly normal and I was fine, everything was good and I should continue like that. And even back then I remember thinking wtf, you freaking psycho, I don't have a university degree on psychology and even I know that's crap, who the f*ck gave you a license?!

In this video you both are somehow so much in love that I cannot see anything beyond that 😊❤

I love that Donkey so much Eeyore is cool as hell I know how he feels 🙁

I know this is 2 weeks old so might not be seen by anyone but I'm so happy this is being bort up I have both chronic illness and depression ( if been diagnosed with it) and if basically been in formed I'm possesed and that if I complained less I would get better both stupid advise

My dad suggested I read a joke book to help my depression. 😐

The worst advice I have heard was when a friend who suffers with long term depression was in crisis and went to a doctor and her advice was “well a change of environment often helps, you could sell up and move to a poor country and help others”……..not a good thing to say when someone is in a mental crisis😩

I have had friends tell me this recently. Doesn't help.

I've always wondered if anxiety is the same. Will it be a possible permanent feature? My GAD seems to cause my depression. So is it similar?

How can I arrange a few sessions with Alicia?

You wouldn't know how to handle normal, not that there is a normal.

I had a therapist who once told me to just “think positively”. I was thinking if I could do that you moron I would.

Go to the country side, and your depression will be cured. It's the fast rhythm of life causing people depression. Just like all the processed and junk food people are eating is causing them illnesses.