You are the product of your thought.

I'm so glad to hear someone talk about this. 3 inter-related rules I live by : Assume good intent until proven otherwise... and then back out carefully, walk away with dignity, if true harm is intended. Don't take things personally, bc you're simply not that important. 😂 If you have a problem with someone, go to them directly, ask for elaboration without pre- judgment. If more of us practiced this daily, the world would be a far saner place.

@PatriciaMuirMaestroQ

5 жыл бұрын

Laurie Paris I love how you have expanded on these 3 rules. Good and appropriate practice in applying boundaries. It’s like “do no harm” to others and yourself. Misunderstandings will happen and hopefully can be resolved with a bit of reality testing, dignity, and grace.

@laurieparis2203

5 жыл бұрын

Patricia Muir Thank you, Patricia. I came from a household where highly disfunctional behavior was modeled and had to come to these rules on my own later in life, in order to maintain my sanity. You are an astute observer... "Primum non nocere" is my life motto.

@PatriciaMuirMaestroQ

5 жыл бұрын

Laurie Paris Thank for sharing your motto. It goes beyond the concept of “do no harm” and requires us to consider how our attempt to fix an issue can actually do more harm. Some may think that the decision to not act or interfere is passive. However, it can be the best decision. Until reading you comment and quote, I did not appreciate that this has become part of my natural evolution in dealing with misunderstandings and conflict. I now find myself asking “how will my response help to improve the situation or add value to the conversation or relationship”.

@laurieparis2203

5 жыл бұрын

Patricia Muir You are a wise woman, Patricia! So many of us lead an unexamined life, and play the blame/l'm offeded game rather than objectively examining a situation for what it truly is, looking for a solution that benefits all. I've been guilty of this as well. Nowadays in the rare cases I'm triggered, ie having a reaction all out if proportion to the stimulus, 😨 I recognize and step back from reaction, wait until I can make a considered response. Mel's 5 sec rule works well for this, but sometimes I need more time to be able to respond rather than react. The point being I give myself that time and stay quiet until I can respond! 😂 Everytime I have not, I've regretted it... words once spoken, cannot be unheard. Mel brings up some excellent points about torturing oneself with fabricated drama, all the what ifs. Just an observation, but women seem to be more prone to this second guessing than men. I'm not sure if there's a biological basis for this, or that simply men have been trained from an early age to discipline their emotions and get on with the task at hand? Perhaps it's a bit of both. I only know that it exists.

@PatriciaMuirMaestroQ

5 жыл бұрын

Laurie Paris Thank you for your acknowledgement. I do get hurt...no mistake. And these days, being more feisty than in my younger days, I sometimes feel the urge to really “let them have it”. But then, I revisit my commitment to myself to be kind and gracious which serves me and protects my self-regard. Like you, I have my triggers. However, I know that I will dwell longer on my reaction than the other person and I will beat myself up. They will just go on to trigger someone else - quite often without knowing. Your strategy to step back in order to consider your response gives you more power than you might think.

This is a great message. The world doesn't revolve around me and there are things that are not in my control. Assuming good content makes it easier to accept things as they are without being disappointed.

I am the worst for not responding to people but now I see that I must do better. Thank you Mel

I love this! I never (rarely is more accurate) assume someone is ill-intentioned. This has significantly improved my life. More often than not, people, just like myself, are forgetful, not thorough, not attentive to detail, distracted, forgetful, not great with words, etc. They didn't necessarily have the intention to hurt someone from the get go! The timing of this video in my life is perfect! Thank you.

This was fantastic, was literally discussing this yesterday with people. Many people don't have intent to hurt or harm you in most cases, but we jump to conclusions, which is worse for us more than anyone. Wonderful video

there is a phrase in spain that says "Piensa mal y acertarás" which translates to something like "think paranoid (in a negative way) and you will be right"

@gabrielacoon532

5 жыл бұрын

Y así es...

@Sofia-bl9cb

3 жыл бұрын

great quote

I really like this advice. A friend of mine shared her philosophy (that i like a lot) with me long time ago and it is - ask once, apologize once and say Thank you, once.

This was brilliant! Thank you so much 😊 Need to replay it and watch it a few more times so it sinks in.

This is a great point of view Mel! Thank you for your advice! I would still end relationships with people who do not respond to me to a message that clearly needs a response. It is very disrespectful.

Absolutely love and respect you and your teams work Mel!

Thank you for being so open with your viewers.

Another thing is that 99% of the times,there is no intent.Yes,a friend might see your text and purposefully ignore it because he's watching a movie or sth,but it doesn't mean that he hates you and you're boring.It's just neutral.

I believe this message is more about controlling your response to a situation you as bad. Focusing on the good is always good. Never go down a path of negativity, which allows your mind to stay focus on where YOU want to go. Thanks for sharing.

Everytime I feel not okay.. especially from work...I always used to watch all your encouraging videos ..and it makes me stress free... thanks for your help of giving an advice

I’ve been practicing this skill for about 2 years now and it gave me a different perspective and the way I feel now versus before is magical!

I love you Mel! You are the mother I never had. Thank you for your life lessons & sharing positivity! It’s contagious your absolutely Right we never know what’s going on Beyond what we can visualize.🤗

Very useful ! I waste a lot of energy trying to figure out what other people think instead of focusing on what I do ans move on. Intending good is a lot more constructive. Thanks a lot ! Again ! ❤

Spot on today! Thank you, I was getting stressed out over being punctual at a job requests & arrived way early (my good intent) so I could have everything set up early. Then they were later than I expected & she made the comment "Wow! You were really early, hope I don't have to pay for your time for that." There was another activity too that was going on, I cleaned their area as well & they signed my time sheet too I informed her...but I've been wrecking my emotions since her comment thinking I did wrong. Thank you, I was just doing my best.😊 You inspire me so much!

Thank you Mel! God bless you ❤️

Thank you! I needed to hear this today. I am really struggling with a person at work. This was great advice.

What a awesome thought to start my Sunday. It's true. Always assume good intent. Thanks Mel!

It's so assuring to know that a successful person like you still encounters mis-communication at work. I've been recently caught up in a mini-drama at work, which I didn't have any bad intentions but ppl still assumed that I deliberately wanted to cause harm. I tried to act professionally and explain things via emails. But there's no response. There was even a heated quarrel at work about me when I was not there. I felt terrible and wanted to quit the job. Thank you for this amazing video.

So true!!! Kick it to the curb!!!! I love your style of conveying your point!

Love you mel, thanks for the amazing job

Thank you so much for this! I've be going nuts now over something like that. Yes, torture myself, going over every single thing in my mind. Your video is such a great timing! 🌞

Oh my gosh!! TOTALLY needed to hear this today. Thank you, Mel!!!!!!

Actually, I have the opposite problem. I believe in the good of everyone...that everyone has a good intention. That has lend to people taking advantage of me. I know I tend to be naive or too trusting...but there’s people who have done wonderful caring things for me! I guess it’s all about balance!

@dj912sent9

5 жыл бұрын

A Hoarder's Heart Boundaries

@triciar6684

5 жыл бұрын

yes

@hanbulban3131

5 жыл бұрын

Same here , it’s important not to overdo it otherwise you will just suffer

@kickpublishing

4 жыл бұрын

Some people, very few, are completely toxic - a different set of rules apply to such people - just dont let that make you jaded to the vast majority of others who are generally ell meaning.

We just had a big move to new digs at work. It's been so stressful. "Grace" is the word we're using. I also change the story narrative in my head. "Maybe the cat puked in their shoes before work." or "Maybe they've been sick and have a Nyquil hangover and their brain is a little scrambled." Sometimes I even amuse myself with the stories I make up. But the word of the moment for us is "grace". How hard is it to give people a little grace sometimes?

Excellent point, Mel! Wow, I love how real you made this point, with your own clear example. I thank you for giving us this great advice and reminder to let go of our ridiculous stories, in which we are not just responsible for our own thoughts, actions and attitude... But somehow responsible for other people's lack of common courtesy and KINDNESS! CHEERS 🎉💖🤗💜

Mel is a gift.. ♥️

LOVE this! Yes, we get hung up on such small things but so often people truly DO have the best intentions. We are all humans and we all make simple mistakes and most people don't wake up with the intention to go out and hurt others - there are simply misunderstandings and miscommunications along the way. Cheers!

Loving these videos, so helpful! Thank you!

I love you Mel. Thanks for the awesome message, So true, assuming a positive intent is such a positive attitude towards life. Our state of heart determines our interpretation of life and ultimately what we get out of life.

Amazing! What an eye opener! Thank you for changing my life and perspective on the world ❤️

This is amazing info, like it may seem simple, but this info goes such a looping way. Thank you for this beautiful insight.

I LOVE IT!!!!! im trying this right away!!!! Mel I love you so so much!!! i can feel your Energy so vividly!!!

Being surrounded by people with negative thoughts who love to assume bad about others actually made me realised sooner that to make them stop spoiling your day, you'll have to be the one to instigate good intents on them. Did this once too many times and it automatically instilled in my own attitude. Although that automatically disappeared when I'm driving... which something I'll need to fix. Thanks for this vid, and I'll surely share this with those people 🙂

Beautiful message and extremely difficult. Thank you

Really great video! Very relevant for 2020

This is great Mel, thank you.

Really, really enjoyed this .... very useful info to take away and put into practice.

Thank you Mel Robbins. I was in the situation to a person who supposed to deliver me something but after numerous emails, WhatsApp and messages no response. Now I am going for 5,4,3,2,1 and let go. 😊 Great sharing Mel, gratitude 🙏

Great advice! I try to live my life like this but I definitely assume I've done something wrong many times... Thank you cute sharing your wisdom!!

Thanks. Great I will practice today!

I need to work on this. Good information thank you.

Oh my God! Mel Robbins, I want you to know today that you are a life changer. Your videos are very impactful, mind-blowing and heart stopping, thank you for sharing. I am your number one fan, I love you. My name is Chioma from Nigeria.

Ohhhhh Mel...nailed it ...thank you again...

Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️

Great points! Will do! ❤🌻

Mel, this is amazing! The fact we can take negative thoughts of others and turn them into positivity is admirable. You are inspiring!

@LivinGreat

5 жыл бұрын

Me too. I like how Mel explained this concept.

Thank you Mel!🤗

thanks Ms. Robbins. very useful. it was my first video in this morning. 7 am start with you

Thanks so much! Great practical advice.

For us "Thinkers" this is a game changer! Thanks!

I am doing it every day. It is really working.

This was a great reminder. It put me in mind of something Stephen Covey also said. Thank you!

Great video! I have a personal rule that I employ often in my daily and professional life. If I try to deliver a message or say something to a person and I am interrupted three times (be it by indirect or direct circusmtances or that the person is simply not focusing) I let it go. Simply life told me the message was not meant to be delivered or at least not that day.

The challenge that this video posed was a very interesting one. It’s unfair to think that everyone has bad intentions. We should instead assume positive intent until proven otherwise. Seeing the best in people is a good way to live full out.

Mam I am impressed the way Ur expression and speaking analysis of the words and phrases

THANK YOU.

Thank You Mel Mam! You provide us with this little hacks that make our understanding more deep around our inside world thus making us a better person Appreciated Mam

This is my blue chip. Love it!

Great idea

Thank You

Love this

Love this ❤️

Assumptions are always dangerous in my opinion - therefore when doing so, I encourage having a multidimensional perspective in everything (not just a single or two assumptions - no matter how strong they initially feel at the start), especially when you're not sure - and I think it's absolutely okay to be unsure about things because it takes patience and time to get a feel and know something or someone. However what I think we can always do is to encourage/acknowledge/validate peace-giving, respect-giving, fair-giving behaviour (from anyone - be they genuine or not) and that's where the "goodness" lies... and from there, the INTENTIONS behinds our actions can indeed change subconsciously and re-program your mind without you being aware of it.

Agree, good! thank you:)

POWERFUL !

I always relate to your videos....you are me with blonde hair! LoL

Hey Ms. Mel You don’t know me but i’m a huge fan of you as person your short videos and of course your books I’m almost done with stop say you’er fine and i already have the five seconds rule So I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH

Love you thank you ❤️🙏❤️

Lol awesome! So true!

Yes, be non judgemental !

OMG - just realized that I always assume the worst intent! 54321 changing it!

I learned this from Islam. To assume good intent in all people unless you have solid proof.

So true... why torture yourself re assuming something.

Always give people the benefit of the doubt. :) Yes!

I totally agree! Sometimes your words are like golden apples and sometimes they're like Texas stickers! You just gotta know when to fold.

Definitely challenging, but super empowering. I think Tony Robbins put it this way, ask yourself, what else could this (action) mean? Really awesome share, Mel. Thank you.

this was very tough mel. I found that almost every time I thought others intent is not good for me and I keep punishing/torturing my self :(

She’s right we automatically think they’re intentions are bad most of the time. Have the difficult conversation, get clarity.For me I have to wait and be patient. Even if their intentions are bad, I can assume good intent and let it go. She’s right ,I’m so annoyed I texted my Mechanic twice with no response it’s been almost a week. I don’t know what’s going on ,but I decided to let it go and find another mechanic don’t fight with the dude just let it go. That’s not the first time he has flaked on me I just genuinely hope he’s OK. LET IT GO! I’m not going to send him any nasty text messages etc. these are difficult times

My two big takeaways from this: 1. What people do or say is not always what they intend to do/say. Sometimes we have to be the bigger person and try to see the positive intent in it. It may not be there always, but, it is good to do that check. Saves a lot of heartburn and prevents all kinds of relationships from going bust. 2. When we reach out to anyone, be it in dating or for new business if they don't respond, respect their choice not to respond. Not everyone is good at saying NO. For most people, it is difficult to give a rejection. The deafening silence is their way of saying a polite no. Nothing personal in it. Build your rejection muscle and move on.

Beautiful, hermoso, Bravo 🥇

I've done this it's called being naive.

I think the difficult task, for me, is to remember to do the 5,4,3,2,1. It's about me retraining my brain in these stressful times to think of the 5 second rule. Once I've done it a few times I'm sure it will become second nature.

From New Zealand - I've probably become annoying by trying to contact "friends" more than three times and no response, all you want is to say hi there, how ya doing. So I've let them go, but usually with a "can't be bothered speaking to a brick wall" response, I like the "cricket" equation. I'll next time assume good intent, even if nothing comes of it.

So true 🙌🏽💛💙💕

Awesome

I agree with everything you presented. However you're too kind, I only give my dates one chance. Maybe twice if I really like them and feel they are honestly busy. We are worth it!

Ooooo I've never even considered this. I genuinely only assume the worst ha

Great thinking. I am working on it. My car dealer annoys me for not answering my request of changing my contract, getting even a second car and maybe a third one too (car offer for my sister). I am beyond the point of not being annoying myself, mails and calls. There is not much choice in the vicinity. It is difficult for me being calm, my only choice, as it seems now, is to walk away and get a car dealer further away - what I dont like because of the distance. Any suggestion guys? Thanks a lot to Mel and her videos.

@laurieparis2203

5 жыл бұрын

joar Nothing beats a personal appearance... show up at the dealership. Just keep things clear and civil.

Why I have been having so many issues lately.

Mel you should read what father Paisios says about good thoughts. You will be amazed!! Thnx for your videos : )

yes but what if you know you’re not in the wrong and don’t wanna put up with dating a guy who reads your texts and has his read receipts on yet doesn’t respond until the next day or at all?! i just cut him off via text and no response so BYE

SHOCKINGLY DANGEROUS ADVICE.

how do i manage it not beeing naive and becoming a pushover ?

Can you please teach us how to empathize ourselves? Especially, male find extremely hard to have empathy towards himself.

At certain point it looks like ignoring reality