The narcissist needs a servant to care for them They don't want you to have a life, career or needs

@m.j.2939

2 жыл бұрын

You just explained my marriage. That's all I am to my husband. He is hollow and I am nothing to him, barely human.

@Karlien68

2 жыл бұрын

They want a mama...listen to Sam Vaknin....he sums a narx up as: mother me

@karlyost3572

2 жыл бұрын

We all need help and so do they we are all born sinners and that is a spirit that takes a hold of them a lieing spirit and a deceiving spirit they need to be prayed for and they need to repent and you filled with the holy Spirit and read your Bible amen,

@elled10024

Жыл бұрын

@@karlyost3572 That doesn’t mean you have to hang out with them. Unless you’re just into sadism.

@reshenewells6815

Жыл бұрын

Truth these people are the ultimate psychic 🦇 vampire they want your life to revolve around them

The minute I started acting for myself, AFTER being dragged through family court, my ex went ballistic that I no longer just crumbled in the face of their criticism, guilt, shame and projection. I don't get it right all the time, but it has taken me years to get to where I don't let them walk all over me

I detached from several narcissists throughout my life and it was the most liberating feeling I ever had...

This video is super awesome describing how progressive narcissistic abuse is. Once you separate yourself and individualize yourself from their abuse, their negativity gets thrown back on themselves rather than on you. Watching this video multiple times validates that going no contact was the absolute best thing I could have done to finally heal and remove it for good.

Your closure is their exposure..

They definitely didn't want me to better myself even a little bit.

Narcissists love to see us abandon ourselves, so that they can be the owns telling us we need to take better care of ourselves, or they can be the heroes and save us from ourselves. My amygdala is still in overdrive, years after leaving. I am still trying to explain myself to people in my head. Positive affirmations only feel like I'm trying to convince myself I'm alright, The only thing that consistently pulls me out of the shame spiral is asking myself what I'm feeling and sitting with my inner child for a while, without judgement. When I do that, it's like lifting the veil of shame and I see things in a different light

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Or b... You still have a hidden narcissist there not so far projecting their shame on you. Doble check and let go. Thanks

@goldieh7121

2 жыл бұрын

@@lesleygarvs4640 True, thanks. A little while ago I let go of a close friend that I finally realized was toxic when she sent a shaming text after I said I couldn't do a favor for her. And I have some covertly manipulate family I am limiting my communication with.

I learned to adapt and adjust to the narcissist needs and wants and abuse as a result of an overwhelming fear of being hurt again or discarded or abandoned.... I got discarded and abandoned anyway! 😱 Great topic today, Michele! Thank you so much!

@Karlien68

2 жыл бұрын

Same here....discard was horrendous. He did it in lockdown...by phone....aftee 16 years...after the blue...

@eddietumlin6835

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. Those kind of people are evil

@pl7808

2 жыл бұрын

Same.

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Because they know you woke up to their abuse... So you won t give them more supply!

@tjfSIM

Жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that. I think it's an inevitability sadly. It's almost like going back in time and trying to change the course of events. Being in this type of relationship is never going to end well, no matter what we do.

Definitely they want you reactive instead of calm and logical. Especially with co parenting and constant use of beratement and triangulation. But my focus is on me now not my anger. Silence and regrouping can be our best weapon. Staying stuck in the fight and constantly being angry is his voice.

@user-hw6ei2hn2e

10 ай бұрын

Powerful with what you said. Silence (while trying to figure this out) & listening to these videos, replies, & responses is encouraging validation, comfort, direction...and sanity!!!🎉❤

Trying to keep me in my trauma response self. They will reward me with a let up of abuse!!!! YES!!! My dad does this! He apologizes, validates my feelings, we all lovey dovey and then....he does it again. 😓 I'm working on radical acceptance of who my parents are.

You describe my 14 year insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narcissist. It was exactly as you describe. Left June 2017. Happy joyous and free and listening to you regularly for healing and recovery and growth

That is so very true, they do everything to prevent you from becoming a healthy human being.

Why would a parent try to destroy me is a great question.

I definitely saw this pattern that Michele speaks of, except, in my case, my mother didn’t really calm and become peaceful/rewarding when I exploded. I think there was a sense of satisfaction for her, but there was no reward or peace offering for me for giving her the response or behavior that she wanted from me. In fact, it was an invitation for even more abuse because if I reacted to her, she would resort to extreme gaslighting (“See how crazy you are? You just melt down for NO REASON AT ALL”), make dire threats and tell me how worthless, helpless and uncontrollable I was to the point I would recoil / submit and crawl back to the corner. But as Michele illustrated, my mother definitely became more abusive when she saw me developing a sense of self and existence. When I started thinking and feeling independently of her, she would have literal meltdowns and then put the projection on me that I was crazy and psychologically unstable

@nomadame333

2 жыл бұрын

Same, same, and same here!!!

1. Putting their perspective above 2. No boundaries 3. Self-abandonment 4. Craving external validation 5. Reacting instead of responding

This is so incredible. You are describing something so complicated and doing it so clearly. Describing the wiring of our brain that is unconscious and how the narcissist instills this in us unconsciously. And then you provide a basic template for how to undo the damaged wiring. Thanks for not sugar coating this, yes it is going to be difficult, but so beneficial. This is a fantastic presentation thank you. This is powerful!

@TYGZus777

2 жыл бұрын

I agree 100%! Michele is a superb instructor. She knows her stuff, and she knows how to teach it with the most engaging style!

Thank you Michelle! No one else understands my experience when I have tried to communicate with a specific few individuals. It has been a long battle thus far. May 26, 2021 since the discard and I have been rebuilding myself since without professional help or therapy. I simply do not trust anyone now. I appreciate what you are doing and thankful I found you and your posts. Keep up the good work. Peace ✌️.

@peterknyk1942

2 жыл бұрын

Same! I have a very hard time trusting people now! 😔

@TheWhisperTexan

2 жыл бұрын

I have an Overt Narcissistic father and I know first-hand that the journey back to self-love is a long and arduous one but it's so worth it. Never give up.

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

💞

It’s weird they also say I want you to heal and be happy but I feel they copy out words or something then say I guess you’ll fully recover and heal when I’m really gone from your life .. or I just want you 100 happy and healed after all you been through thats werid to me .. but he’s the one that hurt me left me all the time used me up then saying sorry for everything loves me so much then leaves again then I won’t deal with this relationship ever again but he caused it and it’s because I’m asking questions about his behavior and what he’s doing in and out 🥺

Thank you. This really resonated for me, Particularly the idea that narcissists train thier offspring to react rather than respond.

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

10:00 manipulate

Perfect description of my father (84) and sister (50). Dumped them 8 years ago by getting police involved. The cowards backed as I threatened to take them to court. At almost 53 I just don't have the bandwidth.

It did mess with the wires in my brain.

I was stuck there for 40 years. It took me having a NDE and having a spiritual awakening

The "silent treatment" is often not "silent treatment." When you are on the receiving end of narcissistic rage, silence is a result of freezing, knowing ANYTHING you say can and will be used against you. So, you say nothing.

Your so right. My mother will push and push until I explode and then she’s in a good mood trying to work things out, and I never understood it cause I break to the point where I’m calling her all kinds of names and screaming at the top of my lungs and it’s like that makes her relax. But now I learned to detach emotionally cause I realize what she does has nothing to do with me she is just wounded from narcissistic grandmother who is the worst person in the world and I had to let her go from my life cause she tried to physically fight me over Netflix

‘They explode and then they calm down.’ So true!

They will actively try and keep you doing anything that is of benefit you. It will give them pleasure every time they thwart your attempts at doing anything positive. I have no doubt that she wouldn't have allowed or strongly discouraged me from going to my recovery program which has helped me to recover from my childhood dysfunctional upbringing. That and trying to get me to quit doing things i enjoyed. She really didn't seem to enjoy much except looks, clothing, fine food and buying stuff.

My Mom has consistently tried to break our no contact agreement. I'm learning to do better, but she can't handle that I'm holding to healthy boundaries. I'm having more memories of childhood show up that have been repressed and I'm realizing how messed up our relationship is. Each time she tries to reach out, I feel the need to either tell her off or to be understanding about her current stress. I don't think I'll be able to have her in my life. My Dad has early onset Alzheimer's and won't be coherent much longer but my kids and my spouse ultimately suffer every time she tries to manipulate her way back in to my life. She tried to convince my sister to invite me to a get together between my spouse and my back. She's not going to be safe.

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Move to another city... Where she can t reach you... Then she ll find another supply! 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

It’s none of our business what he/she wants ,all the best for everyone.

This is so needed, clarifying and educational. Thank you very very much for this very validating information.

Your videos are more helpful than any therapist I've ever seen

May you be blessed with a smile on your face and laughter for your day. You bring sunshine to others and for that we are glad. 💝🥰⚘ May you feel that this blessing is sent to you. In hopes that your day is successful in all you do. May the Lord Bless you and keep you; The Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. ⚘ Numbers 6:24-26 ⚘ 💖 HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY MICHELE 💖

Thank you so much❣️This is really good well explained❣️ Exactly ..Not wanting us to feel good better..so they can continuing their Abuse saying ..All is our fault..they are perfect innocent beautiful..Really all their attitude behaviour doesn't make any sense❗️

Just moved in with my parents after I got out of the army, spent my whole contract thinking I was a nut, after watching your videos Im feeling sane for the first time in my life but it feels so off and its so stressful. But thank you for bringing clarity to so many like myself.

michele lee, my name is also michele lee and i am 53 years old and you heve helped me so much just to hear these things verbalized. I was about to crumble under this weight. They will try to convice you your crazy. Dont let them.

Sometimes i used to be afraid of just being happy in the fear of punishment from the narcissist its as if when ever i feel happy a automated trigger kicks in without even the marcissist around me physically.

I so relate to this, SET STRONG BOUNDERIES!! And don't give in! Thanks so much

Saw it twice with my own eyes The last interaction was so gruesome with both people in my life that it leaves u shaking ur head is this person the same one I knew for years

I would be very interested in a video about the silent treatment, that you briefly touched on here! My father used the silent treatment often. Longest was three months and that’s a long time when you’re a kid…

@cynthiafortier2540

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my, what a d#$k!!

@Rosesandpearls_

2 жыл бұрын

Wow😐

@cyndigooch1162

Жыл бұрын

Alison That's heartbreaking and you might know that there's a lot of videos on silent treament. They're usually in regard to so-called partners though. ❤

@Leafygreen123

Жыл бұрын

@@cyndigooch1162 Thank you. Even if videos are in regard to relationship interactions, there is always some good information that can be transferred to familial interactions!

Like i feel afraid to be happy or show happiness out of fear like scared to be happy .its like i try not to be so happy fearing retaliation

Hi you are great, very inspirational and I resonate so much with what you are teaching, thank you for doing what you do to help

They wanted to keep me in my protective self so I could not discover my authentic self. I see.

This video has changed my life thank you

Coming across your great channel❤😊im wishimg i hadnt healed lol 7 years in❤😊the last solid year permanent bliss nirvanna ❤😊no more bad days or even minutes only the now thx appreciate you❤😊rare to see such a beautiful bright young lady with wisdom an class❤😊enjoy nice you help others conquer these parasites! Run dont walk away. Its v nice here highest bar!

Great video, you brought up some really interesting points that I'd never thought of. My dad is a malignant narcissist and a couple of my exes are narcissists. One thing they had in common is that they all seemed to hold me back whenever I started to make any progress in my life at all. It was like they all wanted me to fail. I think the reasons you gave are very valid, and I also think it's because the less successful/healthy you are, the easier it is for them to control you. Also that's an interesting point about exploding leading to positive rewards. I could definitely see where narcissists would do that, but I found in my experience (as some other comments here said), whenever I'd explode, my dad and even my exes would then turn around and gaslight me and use it as a reason to say, "look how crazy you are!" and they'd make sure to let everyone know, or they'd be sure to push me over the edge when we were in front of people, so they could show everyone how "crazy" I was. But I could definitely see it going either way. Another awesome video Michele. Keep up the great work!

Thank Michele 🤍 great video, have a beautiful day.

Omg i know this so well 🥲 after you are exploded she comes and comforted you and you are sooooo thankful, that she take care of such an awful person. And now iam in a marriage with toxic family. They act like they want to see you happy, but do everything to bring you down and suffer. Now iam tired to responding so guess who is the bad person with the fault the problem ??? It’s Meeee.

@zaylinstar8883

2 жыл бұрын

A trick I learned was to replace all the “you’s” in their accusations, to “I.” And they literally tell on themselves lol Ex: “All I try to do is help and love you, and you always find a way to start drama and act crazy!” “All you try to do is love and help me, and I Always find a way to start drama and act crazy!” I started doing this to the condescending and verbally abusive text messages and even tho it hurt to read, once I switched the words it made waaaaay more sense… projection is a mofo.

You always resonate so well with me Michele. This is spot on. Spot friggin on. Thank you.

Another great video

Yes! Right on point! I recently realized how I've had to dim my light for safety in the past. I'm so grateful for all I've learned and that I've escaped those people! Thank you!

You have a way of explaining complex issues in the simplest ways. Another person I admire for the same reason is Teal Swan.

Michelle, you helped so much , I am remembering and putting the pieces back together of my shattered life. Thank you so much for your encouragement and wise counsel. Maybe soon I will be able to join your forum.

You are so amazing Michelle... Thank you for letting me know about the classical conditioning.. am so glad.

Reward for exploding. Mind blown. Unbelievable.

That's ok, I'll do it anyway and love it 😁

Thank you ❤

Nope, I got a schock of cruelty when my husband of 28 yrs said "You made your bed now lay in it" Together 7 yrs b4 marriage you'd better believe he was kinder then!

You know what I dont understand is that I have been following a coach that is what they say a very good one in Europe. And she always said, like even if you dont feel you belong to you family, you have to accept it. Cuz otherwise its like saying to your cells that they dont below to you and your body can get sick. But when I did dinstance myself from my family, then is when I found my innerpeace! This has been so confusing to me cuz I dont know who to believe no more!

cheers Michelle x

Thanks

It didn't matter what game my X played. I got tired of playing her game. She soon realized my limited patience to deal with her immaturity and insecurities. Game 🎮 over. She left me for a rebound guy. I feel sorry for him. Let's hope they are a narcissistic match made in the lies in their eye's

So crazy!!!

You’re so accurate! I went through this pattern with my narcissistic ex wife. Please let me know if you do personal counseling and how I can learn more

Thriving!

Definitely can't pull this off alone.

God bless u

How can it not be my fault but also my responsibility? Not asking to be a troll. I adore your channel and have spent the last 3 years hopelessly obsessed with an abusive x partner and studying desperately to better understand him in order to love him well enough to love me. After all this knowledge I can clearly understand that it’s up to me how I react to life’s curve ball. But the feeling of shame has a circle pattern too. Don’t feel to blame that I’m to blame I let this happen? Any clarification will help. I know I tend to get over worked and look for any extra space to help love the narc more . Context: I’m one of 12 children in my family. Grew up Mormon. We just broke up I did the studying while amidst the relationship. He twisted me to a point I believe I’m the narc. I study endlessly even now that we’ve been broken up. I can’t handle this reality. Maybe I am the narc?

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

No amount of love helps. They are addicted to the chase cycle. It would take serious rewire to stop.

Hi Michele: Is it possible for a covert narc to jump to overt when she finds herself in a desperate situation, let's say when she throws a tantrum when she's not getting her way, and she accidentally let's her mask slip and shows the flying monkeys who she really is? Is this possible? Because I think the narc in my life just did that all on her own. The golden child saw the narc for who she is and now is keeping her at a distance, it was so validating to finally hear from another being that they see what I see.

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

They do this when desperate for supply... The covert is weaker and make more mistakes than overt... Yet more poisonous because is passive agressive

I told him i choose ME!

Healthy parents arent evil but few parents are healthy

of coars not a victim that heals is n enemy to fear

I wasn't allowed to be me is correct.

🙏

The hard part is I see both of us having these traits

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Because they are projecting you... 0 contact... 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

❤❤❤

Yes… No, narcissistic abuse doesn’t make sense & do as you are saying with classical conditional with blaming it all on someone and avoid taking accountability. My goodness. What is the solution to talking with someone like this?

🌞

Wanna know what's funny, av been raiszd by narc mom all my life so i dont even have a normal relationship to compare it with because i let her alienate me from all my social circles

I need help. I want to be a life coach not sure where to start to get all my certificates. Certificates for C-ptsd, traumabond Recover and self care coach. I was informed you have courses? Do you provide all these classes in one package? I would love to help people as well.

@Rosesandpearls_

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes you don't need certificates, you need to have personal experiences.

@laylalayla7663

2 жыл бұрын

@@Rosesandpearls_ Thank you. I do have personal experience but would love to get certificates as well.

They erase u

This is real shiiiiit

Definitely not 123 and it's over.

💜♾🙏🏼🕉

Fakebook is the perfect platform for their false reality where they can set their stage of lies and act out their manipulation performances. Their drama lost my admiration after their mask slipped one too many times. I have exited their theatre, although my heart aches for the audience who stayed.

Lol too bad! 😆 he comes up to me like a lost puppy dog and i make it known! I DONT FEAR YOU OR your crap family! They don't know what to do with that! Sorry not sorry

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💜♾🙏🏼🕉