This is what happened to me. Don't fall into that trap! Once you react badly, they will make you the abuser and themselves the victim, and they'll make sure someone else sees your reaction out of context so they can successfully smear you.

@pegihaider813

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, - my mother did this to me my entire life until I was forced to go 'no contact' with her in my mid 40's. But thank goodness I at least knew it wasn't me that was crazy. I had never even heard the word narcissist at that time but even felt validated from God telling me to finally cut things off with her. Then a bad smear campaign against me that included my entire family & all her friends began until the day she died at age 87. With God's grace, I was never angry again once I cut things off. And it has been His mercy that finally 10 months ago He started leading me to numerous different videos on narcissist abuse to finally begin validating my abuse (and where I could finally start healing).

@Karaunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

@@pegihaider813 Best of luck to you!

@Jrock3891

2 жыл бұрын

I'm going through this with my family and friends.

@DeborahLArmstrong

2 жыл бұрын

@@Jrock3891 I'm sorry. It sucks.

@thecommunity1102

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. They would use my messages of rage to try and show everyone that I'm this unhinged person when in reality I'm as peaceful as a sunset. They spend all their time poking and provoking you and when you snap you're the villain. Educate yourself as much as you can. The more you know the less crazy you feel and the more of your prace you regain. Also, get a body cam. 2 in fact. And put up some spy cams in your home. Sending you all of the good vibes.

I cannot even tell you how much this means to me to be hearing all of this. I have been circling in my head for MONTHS wondering if I am the narcissist (because he called me one) and playing and replaying fights back in my head. I used to be patient and calm and giving and peaceful. Now I’m so reactive and loud even when I know inside my heart it’s not who I am. This makes me feel so seen and heard. I just want my life back. I appreciate ALL that you do for this community ❤️

@raccuia1

2 жыл бұрын

And you are still with him why?

@deehyatt5173

2 жыл бұрын

Same .. but I started to record things and it makes it easier for me to stay calm. Then I have it for later when he try’s to tell me he never said something or switch around what I said 😕😒

@katjongeward7155

2 жыл бұрын

me too.

@SydneyInTheSky

2 жыл бұрын

It’s not you! Learn these tactics that they use and remember it’s not you. Took me years to realize it was never me.

@hargersadventures

2 жыл бұрын

This hit home. This is definitely what I've been dealing with for years now. Just really realizing he is the narcissist. I don't feel calm or giving or happy like I used to before I met him. I have changed many things about me which I am now going to get back. Possibly might get a divorce because I want to just be happy and relaxed. I have actually said to him that he likes chaos and takes my energy.

"Everyone has a breaking point." So true.

This is what made me finally leave. I could not stand the person I had become.

I'm lucky to get 10 hours of sleep a week. I used to be calm and collected. Now I'm always on high alert for war.

@suzesinger6762

2 жыл бұрын

I know, Sweetheart - I used to be the same. But we gotta 'Fake it - till we Make it' when we are in the presence of the Narc. X ;)

@marisworld8037

2 жыл бұрын

Awww I understand but it gets MUCH BETTER. You NEED to get your mind right and FIGHT for your OLD LIFE BACK. With all love ❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏

@Alf258

2 жыл бұрын

indeed i was sleep deprived as a child going 2 days without sleeping and my alcoholic narcissistic mother would call me bipolar .She will try to make me react and then she will look at me with a smirk and tell me " here you go this is the real you "

@sweetielady7710

2 жыл бұрын

@@Alf258 I’m so sorry you went through that!! My dad was the same way! Absolutely infuriating. He would put in enormous efforts to push me to my breaking point, and then I’d finally snap and he goes, “here we go again, another bipolar episode” 🙄 It’s so hard having a parent like that! (My dad is also a narcissistic alcoholic)

@karenishness1

2 жыл бұрын

You can get relief physically by adopting a fruitarian diet, which will improve your health and focus. (Genesis 1:29).

When I started getting healthier, I realized what my biological mother was doing. She started calling me crazy when I didn't react when she baited me. They need immediate reactions in order to regulate themselves. The more I stopped reacting, the more addicted to gambling she became.

@jwhite5396

2 жыл бұрын

💯 It took writing down a conversation/fight with my mom to understand it was her all along not me. Mind blowing to see how she manipulated me my entire life and I never recognized it until I wrote it down.

@educationalbrowsing8913

2 жыл бұрын

@@jwhite5396 That's why it is important to keep a journal. Sometimes well after we have NC these people our emotional thinking works against us but the trusty journal entries will put us back on the right track.

@FaithfulandTrue949

2 жыл бұрын

💖 totally understand all this

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Oh ya, we're crazy alright because we're around them and they've shaken it onto us! I've been with mine 34 yrs, married 26 and how he gaslight me, he's lived to regret that! It was a tennis 🎾 match of words and he calls that love!

@The.Indian.Goddess

2 жыл бұрын

Same she still does it and am 52 ...i so minimize talking to her

This finally makes sense why they hate when you are happy. They want you to feel the anger so they dont have to. This is a huge missing piece in understanding why they go off for no reason.

@annking1576

2 жыл бұрын

They derive pleasure from you being unhappy!

@MJay3060

Жыл бұрын

Yes that is true For truth seekers like myself the why's are always important questions, even if the what's are crystal clear the brain wouldn't be calm until it grabs hold of the why's And this explanation was very satisfying, more like everything is backward and paradoxical in narcissistic relationships than in healthy ones

@taraarrington2285

Жыл бұрын

@@annking1576 it's very sick. These people are mentally unstable. Who does this?

@annking1576

Жыл бұрын

@@taraarrington2285 You answered your own question. They're mentally unstable..

@bebetigre1252

Жыл бұрын

Everytime i was having a good happy time, it would do something to destroy it,even pretend illness.

I have been through several narcissistically abusive relationships with my family, my exes and some co workers and bosses....after years of being abused and gaslighted, etc... I am now easily triggered and as much as I was gentle and soft I can now easily go from zero to 100 in my anger response... so I cut people out of my life very quickly rather than show my anger... I find there are many toxic people who never respect boundaries... I have zero tolerance for that shit now.

@kristinburton4953

9 ай бұрын

I'm in my 50s and I'm now a recluse because a high percentage of people are Narcs and the nice people are usually in a social clique I'll never penetrate. I get some social politeness, but that's it. I'm not very attractive and I'm not successful, so it's hell. I's me and the cat, these days.🤗

@lovearttherapyalways

9 ай бұрын

@@kristinburton4953 I am so similar to you and still somewhat attractive but men want young women nowadays and other women who have healthy lives with husbands who actually care and a solid social circle have no time for a woman like me and who can blame them? As you said there are so many narcissists and toxic people nowadays that our inner circle and family needs to be kept small, safe and secure. I meet tons of predatory men who just want to bring me to bed and that is such a turn off for me as I am a Christian woman with Godly values. Pretty much like you, it is me, the dog and the cat. God bless you! At least God never leaves nor forsakes us!

@djenkins853

7 ай бұрын

I understand!!

@TARAdubbleyuu

6 ай бұрын

Same.

I’m normally very chilled out, I’m literally sitting here in a cesspool of seething rage

I had to forgive myself for yelling to set boundaries. I never fought dirty, but my reactions were triggered at a time to make me look like the irrational one. The fact that I allowed myself to be triggered into losing my cool is the part I’m forgiving myself for. Never again. Grey rock next time.

Whenever we express anger, they feel good for getting your reaction. If you don't exhibit outward emotion, they have no power over you. Your anger, or love is their desire. Never ever show them emotion if you can help it.

I think some people get explosive because they feel there's no solution and they're trying to control the narcissist by getting them to change and to respect your boundaries and it's like a losing battle

After I realized my boyfriend was a narcissist, when he would yell at me and put me down looking to get me upset and respond with anger, I began not to respond period. I would let him yell and I stayed calm and would say to him "I'm sorry you feel that way." and I would ask God for strength to not react and God gave that strength to the point when my boyfriend would do that I would walk towards him and he would back away! It was an awesome feeling to feel that way. I left him and my life is so much better now! I thank God every day!!

@emmajane646

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for this. I needed this. I am a believer and recently having emotional flashbacks and reactive with rage. I need to pray for God to give me the strength to not react.

They regulate themselves through you, and when you do reach your breaking point they are there recording you and playing it to family friends police social work lawyers and anyone else that will listen!

Michele has really *nailed it* in her video! Someone long, long ago said that _"The Kingdom of Heaven is within."_ Unlike highly narcissistic individuals/other toxic people, we *choose* to have all of those wonderful, innate personality traits that make us the kind of people we are. Toxic people *cannot* emotionally self-regulate without engaging in their characteristically manipulative and destructive behavior -- and they *HATE* the fact that we *can* choose happiness and contentment in every present moments of our lives, *because they can't.*

@FaithfulandTrue949

2 жыл бұрын

Amen, thank you. This was a direct answer to speaking with God about this, He is so faithful. Be blessed and receive the peace that surpasses understanding 🙏

@rubberbiscuit99

2 жыл бұрын

Precisely!

@khaartoumsings

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. This is horrifying. Studying this and looking at the reptilian brain parts thinking on MRI scans, this is all much more profoundly Evil and toxic for Humanity. But we have this piece of the jigsaw . ) K

@elizabethstewart6767

2 жыл бұрын

The looks on their faces when you stop reacting is priceless.

@khaartoumsings

2 жыл бұрын

@@elizabethstewart6767 Yes. That is so true. There is a sort of one-ear-cocked awe when we stop playing the game. I was just talking to a narcissistic chap and was focused on that link on the spectrum to Autism. I was making word play jokes and I could see him half laughing and not understanding at all, but like an Asperger's or Autistic person could not process or get the jokes. It was curious to observe. I felt like he wanted to understand the jokes but couldn't and is deadly miserable behind the facade...Odd characters cats they are ; ) K

I believe it's extremely important to note that not all narcissists rage, a lot are highly passive aggressive.

@michaelpoulosjr.2249

9 ай бұрын

My ex would rage, however passive aggression was her primary tactic.

@GN315-pe6ul

3 ай бұрын

Yes on this. I ended up being in another unsafe situation after I was already hyper vigilant against the raging because I misunderstood that someone who does not *outwardly* rage is NOT automatically someone who is not angry. I learned the hard way that some people dump their anger on you in other ways. That situation ended up being so bad and damaging to my entire personhood and life that I left it thinking I would rather be around a rager again bc at least people believe me when a person who rages hurts me.

This is one of the most devastating, even tragic fallout's from these relationships. My mother would do this to me - provoke me to anger, even rage with her criticism and antagonism. She'd then attack, even mock and jeer at me for losing it. Ironically this shame's a survivor out of healthy anger, a healthy indignation and the ability to identify and push back against abuse. Poor boundaries and hyper vigilance in adult relationships the result. I'm still in recovery from the hyper -reactivity that is induced in these relationships

@jessicalee163

2 жыл бұрын

The result of the narcissistic dynamic has made me feel that people are dangerous and that being in public makes me vulnerable. The reality is, there are much higher standards for conduct in public than I’ve had to endure at times in this household. This perspective has helped me face my fears and hyper vigilance and go out into the world. It’s so backwards. I wish my home felt like a safe place.

@dianevanderlinden3480

2 жыл бұрын

my mother used to basically use me for various things and then mock me for not having a backbone, while saying ,"I'm your mother, you have to respect me.' She had about a s much respect for me as she had for my father.

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

It’s so weird the similarities I read about narcissistic mothers, as if they’re all working from the same playbook. My mother would mock me while I cried and try to touch me at the same time and I would scream “don’t touch me” and then my dad would hear this and somehow think I was the one causing the problems. It’s all so crazy that these mothers do such similar things.

@Ikr2025

Жыл бұрын

She sounds horrific. I’m a mother of 3 and I’m shocked at some of the things I’ve seen /heard some women do to their children. Some women can be vindictive & manipulative to the extreme. I suppose men can be as well, and my father was not great (highly narcissistic) but I suspect women probably hold the record for manipulative behaviour.

Once you realise what a narcissist is and the fact you're dealing with one, the spell they once had on you just fades away. they lose power, and control comes back in to your hands. Not only can you see when they're trying to manipulate you, they can no longer get you to react the way they want you too. And one can easily defeat a narcissist purely by the fact they're so easy to predict. They're crazy making and word salad is just to distract you. the only power a narcissist has is the power you give to them by their manipulations.

@mikeseitz2792

Жыл бұрын

You are spot on!! Thank You

I was very easily triggered and started acting crazy which only validated the narcissist smear campaign against me - I’m recovered now thank GOD

I'm one of the most calm and soft spoken people you could know. I had someone once tell me I could keep people calm in plane crash. The narc over 21 years turned me into what Michele talks about here, mostly through sheer frustration of the entire situation and not understanding what was going on. Why couldn't this person have a discussion and see truth and reason? Then I discovered all this and over a period of months gained an education in all things narcissist and the lights came on and for the first time I understood not only what was going on, but have to better handle it. No longer can this person poke me into reacting like that again. Education and understanding of the behavior is key here to getting your inner peace back.

You hit almost every nail on the head of what it's like trying to live with these people. The problem is once they realise, they double down even harder.

I’ve been stuck in this loop for a decade, & today is the first time I’ve connected everything. Thank you 🙏

My ex husband liked...no, he LOVED to debate a lot of different issues with me. This was almost every issue or discussion. I can remember him just fighting to be right about stuff. He acted towards me like I was stupid and didn't know anything. I would TRY to explain my opinion. He never wanted to let it go unless or until he won. I would then blow up and start telling because he just would not hear me or listen to me. Then he'd say," Look at you!!! You're acting crazy!" Or something of that nature. As time went on, I saw his patterns. For example, asking me my thoughts or opinions on something. Like, where would you like to go or do. So I would tell him, and he'd then say, No. I don't want to do that." Then he'd tell me what HE wanted to do. So dude! Why even bother asking me?!! I stopped answering him when he asked me. I'd say, "I don't know." Or I would confront him and tell him there's no point in saying, bcz you don't care and always have the best ideas anyway as long as it suits YOU. That gets old. He felt (or acted like, IMHO) that I should yield to HIM but he didn't want to yield to me in most scenarios. I do not like to use words like, he NEVER, he ALWAYS, because that's not how it was all the time. The point is, he would often bring something up, then lecture me going on and on and wearing me out until I submitted just to make him stop. After years of these controlling, gaslighting, word salad bull crap, I went grey rock. This was before I even knew grey rock was a thing. Some ppl call it the silent treatment, but that wasn't really what I was doing. I was just avoiding the confusion, lectures and his debating and arguments of how right he was.

@LucidaBrightakaDiggs

2 жыл бұрын

You, just read my life. I'm so sorry we fell into this hole, I want to send you a virtual hug.

@raccuia1

2 жыл бұрын

I loved your second word, "ex".

@deborahrobertson2340

2 жыл бұрын

@@JoseRRodriguez I knew they were not the same. But, I never knew how to explain the difference. Thank you! Bells went off for me how you defined the two. :)

@intothelight3997

2 жыл бұрын

Brilliant

@deehyatt5173

2 жыл бұрын

Living it daily still .. it’s sad how everyone’s experiences are almost word for word what most of us have been through. They can not deny who they are, but they sure will try. I can’t wait to be free from this mess. Glad you have moved on and up🦋🕊🤗

When my partner told me "You don't have to react" it was like a light switch clicked on. He was so helpful when I lived in a toxic environment. I'm fortunate to have gotten away from it but I'm still unraveling and unlearning the survival techniques I used. I'm, as you put it Michelle, getting in touch with who I am. Thank you! ✨✨

@suzesinger6762

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah ! I explained to my Narc. yesterday that respond ...seems like a kinder word than - react. I went on to ..'respond calmly' to that present disagreement. HA ! It was like 'Show n Tell' ;)))

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

No contact no problems!

My ex is so passive aggressive I was living in a constant state of frustration and gaslighting. I would be told one thing while something else was happening and I always felt angry and I didn’t understand why. Once I no longer had to communicate with him I no longer felt angry. It was like a switch. When I have to talk to him I automatically feel frustrated and on edge.

Been there, done that. My sympathy to those still there.

I watched many videos about "anger", trying to figure out the reason why I became so reactive. This video explains it perfectly. They absolutely get more abusive if we don't respond with anger. Thank you for showing a way out from this exhausting craziness.

I believe this is what happened with Gabby Petito in the police surveillance video.

@Karlien68

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my...I just posted the same thing! It is isn't it? Poor Gabby 🥺😭

The narc who was in my life would say things to spark a reaction out of me. That didn’t work out for her. She then went on a rage then sent me numerous emails to spark anger and a reaction from me. That didn’t work. Never did I lose my calm. I knew I was in control of my emotions and understood; I am the one who leads my emotions. No one else will lead me to where they want me emotionally. Narc completely failed at provoking me to feel angry. Zero reaction throughout her narcissistic abuse. She had zero power over me. My calm and peace is my strongest weapon God has given me. In the mornings, I pray for the Holy Spirit to speak for me, not me for me, throughout the entire day.

I was a mellow easy going person before I married the malignant psychopath narcissist ex I divorced. Through his malevolence he would constantly antagonize negative reactions out of me and my children. He would record my reactions to his abuse, cheating, abandonments, etc….and play back his edited versions to the people I know to triangulate and smear campaign me.

@DS-lh1dh

2 жыл бұрын

Omg.. Wow.. She did the same with recording me.. I absolutely couldn't believe it... And she show it to people of course like you say the EDITED version.. Absolute evil

@fionam3735

2 жыл бұрын

My experience of my ex husband also. The children and I have ptsd because of absorbing his bs

@AmandaBuxbaum

2 жыл бұрын

Yes that happened to me. She did something staggeringly horrific! And then she recorded me as I cried and cried and tried to say anything through my tears. She played it to her husband and others describing her crazy sister. She recorded me crying.

@astramah

2 жыл бұрын

I can sooo identify with what each of you have said. It’s devastating to live through. But it’s so good to be done with it, continually healing, at peace and FREE!!

@bevstrong3651

2 жыл бұрын

I can relate to everything that you guys said! It wasn’t a romantic relationship but I was seeing a guidance counselor at my middle school for support for social anxiety and she was a narcissist and did the exact same things to me like you guys are describing! I’m 21 now and it I’m just grateful that I’m healing right now and that I’m free from that.

YES! What I realized is that when I was younger and was happy and in good spirits I would be treated negatively but when I was feeling down and depressed the toxic people in my life would back off. So my brain got used to having to act sad and upset in front of the family so that I would be left alone and not be picked on as much. This actually led me to really feel depressed. The withdrawal and depression was actually comforting to me in a sense even though I felt sad and empty. I always wanted space from the chaos of the family. However, now as an adult they use the depression as a means to point out how defective I am and always have been. It's nuts. I feel nuts. Honestly.

@Karaunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

You are NOT nuts, THEY are!!♡♡♡

@sherrytaylor3738

Жыл бұрын

Cindy, I can relate. You're not nuts. It's called "crazy-making" because that's how they want us to feel. Like we're the crazy one.

I began standing up for myself & our children rights. For the first time in what seemed forever, I felt seen & heard! However in hindsight I see though I was making a stand, I was emotionally reacting to his AMPED UP ABUSE!!! He became ENLIVENED if I reacted to what I see now was his deliberate baiting! He’d go to the other end of our house to get our children, tell them to go lol at their mother “WHO WAS TO BLAME!”. Sadly he didn’t care how this made them feel, I doubt it entered his mind! His focus was always on how to ‘make me LOOK bad!

This is what happened to me with my mom. My mom would do and say things that put me in a rage. Then I became the crazy person and I was told that I had anger problems and needed help. I was just an angry individual who had never had this rage until I was 15. My mom wanted me out of the house and contacted dcf to have me placed. She made everyone believe that it was my anger and behavior that was the problem but no one saw the rejection and what she did that caused the rage instead I was the one with the problem who needed help meds, day treatment, individual therapy, family therapy where I was the focus. My life centered completely on treatment. I hated it and made me feel that I was crazy. My mom never accepted me. I had some minor delays, language, motor skills that were minor. My mom was so fixated on my learning disability that was not that bad. She dragged me to so many people having neuropsych testing, constant evaluation and remediation from age 2-8. When at age 8 a psychologist who was doing another neuropsych evaluation concluded that the constant evaluation and remediation should stop. As it was suggesting to me in my latency period of development all this help might suggest to me that I was an abnormal child and should stop. He also suggested that my parents enjoy me more. My mom put so much pressure on me to change my behavior she made me feel horrible and that something was terribly wrong with me. My mom got dcf and everyone to believe that I was just out of control teen. Usually teens have this behavior for a reason. Dcf, therapists, everyone believed her I was the problem. I just needed help. My mom placed all that responsibility on my 16 year old shoulders while she looked like the good mother who was getting me the help I needed. After all this help not working she wanted me removed from my family home and placed in a group home. Where she continued to remain angry and place the blame on me. I couldn’t go home until I got better is what she said. Everyone saw my anger towards my parents as being unjustified after they were only trying to help me..Yet no one saw my mom anger and rejection towards me and her conditional love. My mom admitted to dcf she had her own mental health problems and was in the midst of treatment. I made allegations against my parents but some attorney berman stated I should not be believed that I was just an angry individual. This was madness . Everyone was on my parents side no one was on my side. Thank you for letting me in on what was going on with my mom. I felt so crazy and misunderstood

@dzlmick317

2 жыл бұрын

I dealt with a lot of similar issues with my own mother growing up, just not to to this extreme but she was the same person, she couldn’t fix herself or regulate her own emotions so she tried to do it through her kids… luckily I was able to move in with my grandparents at 17 which was the lesser of 2 evils. At 39 I still struggle with this and it has destroyed my ability to have healthy relationships. You’re not alone and I’m sorry that happened to you.

@hiliarymurphy1845

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry you went thru this💕

@Lyrielonwind

2 жыл бұрын

These narc "mothers" need to make at least one of her children "the sick one", that way they can play victims and received compassion from family and neighbours. That way they look unpolluted saints and motherly concerned when they don't give a heck.

@TARAdubbleyuu

6 ай бұрын

Relatable content. I have experienced this, too, and I’m sorry this is your story. It’s soul crushing.

Yeah went thru this with her.. She would get me to react and then it was like she calmed down to watch me go off.. She even went as far as to point out scripture to me from James about being angry.. Absolutely unreal what this woman put me thru.. Been 3yrs out now and still single because I can't ever go thru that again and I'm still not back to where I was before her.. It's definitely better but I'm on high alert constantly.. Gaining peace for sure.. But I can't ever go thru that again EVER.. It's sad because I'd love to have a relationship again.. But she fooled me and I let it happen.. I never want to be who I turned into being with that person.. Truly beyond the pail.. It's all about boundaries and seeing red flags.. I saw them and kept going and when I did try to set boundaries they were cut down.. I truly didn't know what I was dealing with until it all came down to utter madness and the end of it..

@scottwells2456

2 жыл бұрын

I relate. You're not alone

@desiderata333

2 жыл бұрын

@DS I have been through the same. It’s been one year for me. It takes a while to heal and now I am terrified of relationships. He really hurt me so deeply. You are not alone. I just strayed therapy. I hope you can get help too. I know that I will NEVER MARRY AGAIN. He destroyed so much and I wish I never knew him.

@DS-lh1dh

2 жыл бұрын

@@desiderata333 Hi.. Yes I did counseling and read a few really good books about boundaries.. The one book that helped a ton was called safe people by Dr Henry Cloud and a book called boundaries by the same person if I'm not mistaken.. And did a lot of prayer too.. I can't stress enough about boundaries because it's what will keep you from ever doing it again.. So hopefully you will maybe one day be led to a good man that will respect your needs and boundaries someone you can be vulnerable with and they won't use it all against you and tear you down to nothing.. It's a journey.. Take care

@desiderata333

2 жыл бұрын

@@DS-lh1dh yes i read the first book and many others plus I watch lots of videos here. I am happy you are getting help. God bless you. Yes also prayer and my faith are everything. God has saved me so many times. God bless you and I hope some day when you and your heart are ready, that one sweet, extraordinary soul comes into your life and shows you real love. Stay strong and thanks for your comment.

@DS-lh1dh

2 жыл бұрын

@@desiderata333 And thank you for your comments also.. Yes My Lord and savior has pulled me up and out many times he's never let me down especially in the healing process of all this.. Really thank you for the comment and God bless your heart and keep you always.. It helps to hear from people like yourself

Thankfully I'm not all of this but I have found loosing my temper because they end up saying the most toxic and hurtful comments. I'm getting help for PTSD.

Nobody can live in peace with these toxic demons. They will become violent..RUN... Good Explanation of what happens, though. Thank you Michelle...you are a wonderful woman

Stay in alignment 👌 Refuse to let others derail you

This is a profound discussion. Breathtaking Evil. I read that they do this to baby elephants in Thailand to break their spirit. Put them in cages and scream, bang pan lids, prod and poke the animal with sticks until they gain External Locus of Control. Horrible. More horrible that Narcissists prey on other human beings and do the same. Speechless at this video. Thanks. K ; )

This provocation technique used by a narc is what I just experienced. It is so helpful to hear this so clearly defined. As soon as I did explode, he approached me calmly with his hands folded in front of him as though he had simply witnessed erratic behavior that was not elicited by him. I felt as though I got sucker-punched because he owned no part in the provocation. Trying to explain this dynamic to the authorities was futile.

Yep this was my experience FOR YEARS. I had anger I never knew was inside me. After a really bad confrontation I decided to do some research and now I know how to deal with her. Walk away, make a joke, laugh, agree with the absurd accusations, etc. And try the grey rock method of just basically not reacting at all. Give the narcissist nothing so they can't turn your reaction into something bad.

I cut off my narcissist friend who used to push me to wrath. I wish to know how she did it. I guess I will never know. One day I said something really mean and immediately I said to myself I can't believe I just said that. When I lifted my head to apologize I saw her smirking and I knew she was provoking me on purpose. That night we prayed with my kids for a calm spirit. The following morning she came and I said Jesus take over. I was so calm but firm. She went and opened a false assault case against me. I guess it was because I deprived her of her fuel.

Wow this is dragonfly here... And OMG you understand me I've been getting me back for sure but it's been many years of abuse so it's taking time to turn this ship around.... But as soon as I get on back I'm climbing aboard the peace train I already got my ticket 🙏☝️😇

I validate this 100% , thank you. She's been away for couple years and I've only have gotten upset once. She still tries to cause trouble to validate her being a victim.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Unbelievable! The ultimate red flag is their victimhood!

@michaelpoulosjr.2249

9 ай бұрын

Mine too. Even the sound of her voice or mention of her name causes me to feel anxious and on edge.

This is spot on. I have a demeanor that seems to trigger narcissistic types into a rage, very quickly. Your video explains the process, very well. Your advice on how we can diffuse this reaction and heal ourselves is very helpful. There are so many individuals discussing narcissistic abuse online, but most tend to focus primarily on identifying and describing the narcissist's behavior. But, you are one of the few sources I've found that offer helpful advice on how best to react to the abuse and how to focus on recovery. So, thank you very much for taking the time to make these videos, and for dealing with this topic in such a healing manner!

@nadineprice1753

2 жыл бұрын

Please look up Tim Fletcher. His lectures on everything to do with trauma, anger, triggers, abuse, healing, narcissistic behaviour, complex ptsd etc x

@teresadexter9965

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, my demeanor also used to irritate my narc friend.....I did not react to her comments and she became furious each time. I began to think there was sonething wrong with me.....thank you for sharing this.....it's fascinating!!

This was me until I started doing research on how to deal with a narcissist. I exclusively use the grey rock technique now. When I feel like responding, I calmly respond and do not react. Calmly responding causes the narc to lose their mind if you do it enough. They don't usually explode with the initial calm response, but if you keep at it they lose their minds. It's actually really funny how easy they are to manipulate.

I'm going through a similar situation with a sibling. I'm working on not getting angry with his behavior towards me, like I used to do... He knows how to push my buttons... I'm learning not to react to his childish behaviors, but it's very hard.... Remaining calm is key and keeping stress levels at bay.... No reaction is still a reaction... We can't change that person no matter what we do... I totally agree with taking care of SELF...... Life is too short to have dysfunctional individuals in our lives, regardless if it's family.... take care of YOU always and know that we always have a choice to be HAPPY.... Love all your videos Michele... I try to spread as much love, peace, and kindness everywhere I go.... Darkness in individuals will never outshine the light within ourselves...... Never let anyone steal your sunshine.......

@meatrealwishes

2 жыл бұрын

I go impersonal now for being able to detect the traits. My nsister usually ends up understanding that I no longer consider her provocation to be normal and worthy of my attention. My openness about the detection seems to make her run away. Ex: “Don’t project”, “see a therapist if you can’t handle that I have a diff view”, “there goes the goal post moving”, etc. No-response strategy starts to become fatal at one point. They consider it to be disrespectful and embarrassment. My nmom actually hit me for my calmness. My aging nsister has gone far more dangerous than ever. She starts throwing/breaking/damaging stuff now. Next day she ends up in bed all sick because of cleaning the mess all night. I never help her. As I have seen so far they stop moving forward with the provocation only when they are exposed.

@wms72

2 жыл бұрын

@@meatrealwishes Please take care of yourself and stay away from violent angry family members. God bless!🙏

Just get away from such person, physically and emotionally. I have experienced exactly what you explained. I cut contact and Ive never been happier. So Now I know 100% who was the problem.

One dislike is from a Narc! Fact

Unfortunately for me, the first narcissist that I met that did this to me was my older brother, so this was done to me consistently my entire childhood. So, unsurprisingly, I also married a narcissist who continued the abuse.

@NonyaSmith

Жыл бұрын

Same here. My brother had it modeled for him by our narcissistic father that I was the one in the family to offload any unwanted negative feelings (frustration, anger) he had onto. It continued well into adulthood until I cut off contact. My narcissistic romantic partner actually encouraged me to tolerate my brothers treatment, minimized its impact on me, and even going as far as defending him.

I think I have encountered a lot of narcissists in the past five years because I've encountered so many people who wanted me to change to be like them. I've had people say I should drink to improve my comedy and that it would help me with anxiety. I'm happy to say I don't drink and never plan to drink in my life and yes that has upset a lot of narcissists out there.

My dad sends me emails that attempt to get an emotional reaction out of me, and copies my entire family on them, in hopes to humiliate me and make me look unhinged in front of others. Having the knowledge to avoid pitfalls and traps like this is priceless, such an important lesson to learn.

@raccuia1

2 жыл бұрын

Why do you allow those emails to reach your inbox? Isn't it time to block him?

Exactly this is what I am experiencing this and want to come out of it.

I WAS wondering if I might be the narcissist! (But then I realized a real narcissist would never question themselves this way.) This explication is terrific! This helps! Thanks

Some days Im I'm awe over all the peace I'm experiencing with him gone. An inner peace. A calmness again. I've been surrounding myself with truly authentic people and I'm amazed how quickly Im my nonchalant and playful self again! Freedom to be myself again! I do pray for his wholeness and that he gets help and faces his inner demons as I do love him and want what's best for him and those he interacts with. But I definitely don't hold my breath anymore.

Thankyou sooo much for these videos. When I stopped reacting, he lost his mind. 25 years I wastes. Please do a video on the differences between narcissists and psychopaths. I believe that mine was high on the spectrum. Threatening head on collisions and laughing. Stealing my inheritance and retirement. Hiding things to confuse me. In the end, he became violent with the kids. He kicked my son in the stomach and that was the end.

@dancinginthepurplereign4126

2 жыл бұрын

That sounds like a psychopath. I once encountered a psychopath too

@Karaunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad you got away from that monster!

I definitely became a person who is reactive and more negative after my last relationship with a covert narc sociopath. I'm really angry all the time but the upside is that I'm channeling it into working out and I've lost 15 pounds since breaking up with him. I hope to heal from this crap

First 40 seconds of this video. And I am this person, always ready to fight. Everyone stay away from me......

@prairieN

2 жыл бұрын

Are you familiar with polyvagal theory? Always being ready to fight is a trauma response. It’s really insightful for you have noticed it’s one of yours. Have you found things that help you feel safer in a calmer state?

@Karaunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

Ptsd maybe?

I am just so thankful I saw through the manipulation and left...I was a wreck for years but these days life is good again 👍😁

Lord I thought I was evil and crazy. 2 years no contact and the peace and love have been lit again in me. ❤ Stay strong! And know that you are not the evil crazy one

This is soo important to know if you want your power back! Thank you so much! Very insightfull. This is WHY you should keep your peace. Everybody tells you you should.... Nobody tells you why

Bad things happen to everyone; how you choose to deal with your problems determines your outcome in life

I've got to say this information is a seam of gold... It's exactly what was happening in my long term (10 years!!!) relationship. I wish I had heard this a year ago and I hope others in problematic toxic relationships with those with NPD take heed. I would caveat the advice with this. Toward the end of the relationship I would physically remove myself from the ensuing argument, exiting an what would become an unresolvable dispute where the other party would not compromise their point of view or tolerate discourse - A consequence of this I was smeared for abandonment... Just a heads up

@marilynjohnson519

2 жыл бұрын

You write beautifully...claydonkey... Its amazing our stories the same....

@emmajane646

Жыл бұрын

They will also block the door when you try to avoid an argument. They won't let you cool off, they need you to escalate and blow the gasket so they get supply and also can DARVO

You have to Learn how to remain calm (slow, deep breaths) & not react. Ignoring them blows them away. I use earplugs & reading on my tablet whenever I have to be in a room with a Narcissist. Pretending I don't hear her requests to use my car or do things for her & changing the subject or leaving the room without responding works well. That redirection is a great tool!

@annking1576

2 жыл бұрын

@Ai Zee Re-read it

@elise8561

2 жыл бұрын

@ann King Yes works wonders, I did that on a road trip with one!

Thank you so much for this! I’ve been questioning myself for months now thinking that I’m turning into the narcissist! I didn’t know what was happening to me. I feel so far from myself these days. I am usually a loving, kind, patient person. But I am so quick to anger or get anxious lately. Of course I’ve been blaming myself. Which is exactly what he wants.

Excellent explanation, thank you so much! I did know that exploding from nowhere out of nothing was a sign of psychological abuse.

Dear Michelle, Omg, thank you so much for this video!! I needed to hear this. This video has validated me so much. For awhile, I was even questioning if I was the Narcissistic one in our marriage. Before I got married, my personality was alot calmer, less stressful, barely knew what anxiety meant, barely said a curse word, & nor have I ever lashed out on anyone. Being married to an emotionally abusive husband has caused me to react in ways I've never acted before. Looking like the innocent one, he remains calm as a cucumber. I hate this part of myself!! And I don't want to make excuses for my behavior in anyway. I'm trying to work on myself on how I need to handle my emotions during arguments & not react. I'm taking it one day at a time. But once again Michelle, thank you so much for this video.

@marisajones5187

2 жыл бұрын

Hang in there! You're strong!

Experienced this. Yikes. Yes, I need to come back now.

I use to be so calm in relationships. The first time I started reacting this way was when my mother would mentally and emotionally abuse me. She'd call the police immediately when I reacted. One relationship I was in, this guy was always promising me all these things that we were gonna do. I called him out for not doing what he said he was going to do. He smirked at me while laughing in a condescending way saying how he wasn't god. I was so embarrassed, but I had no reason to be. He was leading me on. My last relationship my ex would always start lecturing me, or putting me down about the relationship. Was saying how I was doing all these things to her that I wasn't doing. I got tired of her always trying to say I was doing things that I wasn't...as if I had no feelings for her. I reacted, and that's when she started with kicking me out of her home. Later she would tell me that she would tell her mother how she couldn't talk to me, because I would explode. Yeah I would explode, because I was tired of her crap. I later would just walk away, and she would get so infuriated. They want you to sit there and take their mess, and you better not say a word. If you do react they will make sure that you know it's you and not them. It's like they get off on it. I literally have nightmares where I'm constantly standing up to all their abuse. My ex from my last relationship has passed away, but she still haunts me in my dreams.

@martyvirtue4051

10 ай бұрын

Good she is dead

I learned one thing if someone I have to Google as who they are, major red flag, just my opinion 👍 up survivors and thrivers 🙏 good video thank you Michele.

This video made me cry. His behavior resulted in me starting to beat him. I'm so sorry for that because it's really not me to beat anyone. That's how desperate I was. He's not a good person. I broke up with him so many times but we always got back into a relationship again. One time when I broke up, he started to kiss me very intensely. I'm just so sorry for that occasion when I beated him. I really became someone I wasn't. Now I have no contact with him. We live in the same small town in Sweden. If I see him I ignore him. Thanks a lot for this video. ❤️ God's love and strength to everyone out there. Be kind to yourself. I will.

You can’t live in harmony with your values while you live with a narcissist. Try and try as you may. Leave that person now!! Pure and simple!

This was my main reason for cutting off my family. The fear of being a person I did not recognize anymore outweighed the fear of being alone.

They were training me to be an explosive person.

This is what happened to Gabby Petito - and people are still blaming her and calling her the abuser, even now when her remains were discovered. It’s so heartbreaking

The hardest part is that when you are conditioned by the narcissist to be this reactive mess, your trauma can spill over on to other people that don't deserve it too. This is when you know you REALLY need to go no contact. They will use this against you too, you can guarantee it. Also, because you are not the narcissist you will feel guilty and question yourself whether you're the narcissist. If you ask yourself this, trust me - you aren't. Get out of that toxic relationship and find yourself again

They talk to you in a way that makes your head spin and then when they push and push you and you stand up for yourself and tell them a home truth they put the phone down and block you! Does this happen to anyone else??

@Karaunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

Yes they want to criticize you all day long when you finally tell them the truth about them, even if it's only one criticism they treat you like you've been criticizing them all day!

I've had this problem. My narcissistic parents would start fights and sabotage me to the point where I'm fighting back. Then they take my response to their abuse and label me the crazy person. Seeing it this way, I got so much clarity.

I find this video very interesting. Not too long ago before the final discard my ex told me she was concerned that I was being so calm. I had gotten to the point where I just wasn't going to put up with any more lies and manipulation so I just didn't care anymore. She asked me why I was so calm it's not like you. I said does that bother you? She immediately said yes it does. Right there and then I just sat there and realize how little she actually cared about my well-being. She would rather be having me pulling my hair out and jumping through hoops rather than Give Me A Moment's Peace.

@Karaunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

It's so sad what they enjoy doing to us...😑

Both of my parents have done this to me my entire life and I could cry and scream with anger and RELIEF at the exact same time. I FINALLY know how to EXPLAIN how I've felt my entire life!!!

They're still doing this to this day and it's more than a few of them doing it

damn, I used be be fun, sweet, smart. no more. I miss that.

I remember the first time I completely lost my temper with my ex. It was one of the many many many - and now more frequent - times that he felt like ‘playing’ with me. He had been goading me, going around in circles, denying a situation that had happened, twisting the conversation, making me feel insane, not making ANY SENSE. I screamed at him and hit the wall. I crouched down in the corner of the room, clutching myself and crying. Immediately everything stopped. He calmly walked over to me and very sweetly said: see? Look at the state you got yourself into. It’s difficult to know exactly what the breaking point was. It had been building up slowly over a long time, it even felt like he studied me. How I reacted to certain buttons being pressed, at what times, in what order, in which combination, until he finally perfected it. I vowed NEVER again to let him get me into that state. This took a serious toll on my mental health - I absorbed everything and I swallowed it. I played dumb. He couldn’t penetrate me to get the reaction he wanted to. And so he turned to… well, penetration. He knew my history with sexual abuse and so knew exactly what buttons to push if I were to say I didn’t want sex. He found my weak spot and once again I exploded. Eventually the only way I could make it stop was to let him have sex with me. Over time it became easier to give in than to fight it. I’ve been out of that relationship for 5 years and still to this day it is an extreme source of anxiety if I don’t feel like having sex with my fiancé. It’s very difficult for me to know if I actually want to have sex or if I’m just ‘doing it’. It messes you up, man…

@The_Mim

10 ай бұрын

I'm in a marriage that's like this currently and he's extremely sexually addicted and is very coercively sexually abusive towards me.

At 3:00 , you talk about how the narc is training you, and it is very correct, one thing how ever , is that the narc is fully aware of what he/she is doing, it is hard for a normal person to see this as a conscious act because a normal person could never do some thing this evil. It takes a long time of studying/investigation to come to this realisation

@yasmino6387

2 жыл бұрын

It's so messed knowing that someone can be this evil. It's honestly crazy.

@rodvan-zeller6360

2 жыл бұрын

@@yasmino6387 To us it is crazy , to them it is normal and we are nothing more than objects/tools to be used for their benefit what ever it may be at the time.

Ino I’m being guided well when I’m shown this video when I need it the most. Perfect. I’ve seen so many videos on traits of narcissism and I don’t think I’ve heard this one before and it’s exactly what I went through and still having issues wrapping my head around. Thankyou for helping me heal

Being calm isn’t safe. Shit. That’s in me. Now- let’s fix it!

Working through these issues. Be joyful that we can all heal and get back to our authentic selves. This video explains so much!!!

Three strikes you’re out rule in place… Or it will turn into 40 years!

Extremely well said! And a similar explanation can be used to help understand how a parent can cause a child to hate the other parent, which is called parental alienation.

This totally happened to me. 7 years of this abuse seriously damaged both my mind and body. I’m done with that person now. Was living hell then, living hell now in recovery.

My whole life my parents tried to brainwash me into thinking that I have anger issues. Surprise surprise, I don't. Apparently, I just don't appreciate being abused. I'm learning to take and keep control.

After 32 years of being married to a narcissist, he had me questioning if I was a narcissist- if I was crazy like he said. He told me I wasn’t good enough for him. I ended up trying to take my own life.

@rjbennett3448

Жыл бұрын

Correction..HE isn't good enough for YOU! Don't let anyone dim your light. Glad you're still here.💜

@deborahlincoln-strange622

Жыл бұрын

Don't pay attention to him. Glad you're out of that relationship.

i would have never thought that i had so many issues in my family, this one drives me crazy. combined with interrupting and gaslighting this is mental institution

My Mom, who is a narcissist, told me in a bit if truth that she would purposefully needle me or work on me until she got me mad. It gave her relief when I got angry.

@Karaunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

Wow...

Holy crap.. I’m 50 seconds in and I had to comment. I’ve dealt with this for 6 years now, and never had I heard anyone say the words I’ve thought. I used to be calm and happy, now on edge, argumentative, and angry. I’ve tried to explain this so many times.. and people just look at me like what I’m saying is weird. She pssed all over my life, man. My kids, my home, my money, my animals, my car, my job, my credit.. but she played the victim so well.. so so well. Ugh.

If anyone followed the case of the murder of Gabby...that os what happened in my opinion when she "assaulted" her boyfriend.

@lavonnealexander6936

2 жыл бұрын

I agree and now she is gone. Smh 🤦🏿

@vknight7497

2 жыл бұрын

More likely they had a recurring relationship issue that caused Gabby to explode, then after enough times it generated a violent, fatal response. It’s not that uncommon. Women, in a highly emotionally stressed state, tend to forget men are potentially dangerous creatures that can explode when you push them far enough. Doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with Narcissism though it is possible. We probably shouldn’t make a diagnosis based on a single video.

@Karlien68

2 жыл бұрын

@@vknight7497 Hence the imho....Thank you for the mansplaining if you are a man....😊

@vknight7497

2 жыл бұрын

@@Karlien68 can a man ever explain his point of view without women engaging in misandry? I simply offered a different interpretation.

@christychapin8357

2 жыл бұрын

@@vknight7497 You pretty much repeated what she said but first indicated that she was wrong. I agree that not everything is mansplaining. But you’re on pretty thin ice…..at the very least.

The last time my brother baited me I remained calm but it tore me up for weeks afterwards not being able to express myself to his baiting, but I recognized what it was. His response afterwards was to keep phoning me when he thought he had me bent to his will. I blocked him to save my mental health,and emailed him to say so, but he had ghosted me and breadcrumbed me for months beforehand and we are tied together in a legal case. Now I have to press charges against him for harassment, intimidation and not complying to court order. He might be able to give me silent treatment, but tell that to the judge!

I said one time, "I am so volatile around you" ("friend"). Unreal...

I’ve noticed how I feel when I’m not interacting with the two narcissist in my life and I’m clam and that alone speaks for itself. 🥰👍❤️Thank you for your sharing.

When I first stated dating my ex he would get bothered by nothing bothering me. He used to tell me “ how are you so cumbaya about everything” “how is it that nothing bothers you”… I remember that Martha because, I helped turn me into a ball of anxiety, afraid, angry, triggered, bothered, and woman and its been 3 years going on 4 and I’m just now starting to feel that happy relaxed person come back. It’s finally all going away, I can Thank lord Jesus for that. Only God can help with this demonic stuff these people do. I’m so grateful I’m coming out of this. Ill be prepared to help my Son with his own stuff out of this. That’s the heartbreaking part of all of this. I pray to God to help my Son.

I want to leave the family dynamic, but I’m afraid I won’t make it on my own. I’m coming out of a deep depression with anxiety and OCD that I’ve been dealing with for years (started 16-18). I’m 25 now. I feel like the crazy one sometimes. My dad is economically very powerful, he’s a doctor, and if it’s between me and him she’ll try to convince me to have compassion for him. This drives me crazy and makes me hate myself. I want to get out but emotionally I’ve been a wreck, and I’m afraid what would happen if I tried and couldn’t support myself (and get the therapy and medicine that I need). I’d probably rather die than have to crawl back to my parents. I feel the need to cut them off. They act like I’m harsh, but I think nobody sees the reality. Knowing how much power he has makes me question myself more. I have a good amount of savings. Would I end up in a homeless shelter if I ran through my savings and couldn’t work? It feels like a divorce and either way it’s not happy to leave my family or stay in the same truth teller role.

@orianam9835

2 жыл бұрын

You are 25. You will continue getting a therapy and medicines if you need to - why would not you ? You will find work and support your self. Why do you think it is not possible and why do you think you would have o go back to your parents? Perhaps they underminded you or made you not believing in self. Find a strenght, find your self and start your life🕊