2020. Quit my 300k job, started my own business, divorced my covert narcissist ex-wife, rebuilt the relationships with my kids, friends and family. The greatest year of my life 🥰🥰🥰😊😊😊

@Erick-di9gm

3 жыл бұрын

Awesome, congrats!

@artwithmamafairybreadd

3 жыл бұрын

I wish I could do similar...I’m truly unhappy . Due to having to care for someone I luv full time. I cannot work, I have no freedom. I won’t be able to change things. It’s very hard to live with. What you have done is wonderful and no doubt well deserved. all the very best.

@starryeyed777

3 жыл бұрын

What job did you do before @Josh Galt

@TheJoshGalt

3 жыл бұрын

@@starryeyed777 I worked on subway infrastructure projects 🤙

@PPMOCRG

3 жыл бұрын

Excellent! 👏

If you don’t like something, take away it’s only power. Your attention.

@gibbyswife9218

3 жыл бұрын

@Mary Callan Thank you❤

@lioydwilliams1850

3 жыл бұрын

Mary Callan,your lovely smile can make the news!

Abusive people are so manipulative! They need to get a reaction from you to make you be the unstable one, when actually they are unstable. They feel so bad about themselves, they are broken, and in order to feel better they need to control you by baiting you to react to their defense mechanisms. Then you become the bad guy and that gives them the control, and frees them from the fear and insecurities they have and can't control. Behavior like that screws with your mind, and eventually your relationship with them. Thanks Stephanie for your insight and help.See you next week. Be well.

@skbains86

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, this is exactly it. My husband was just like this

@greeneyedparadox6609

3 жыл бұрын

Can relate to this.

@mercwindow

3 жыл бұрын

Perfectly well described. I can really relate

@gibbyswife9218

3 жыл бұрын

Amazingly, SPOT ON! Wow. I thought I was wrong in thinking this. (I was made to feel I was crazy and always wrong and .....well, I'll stop because I will run out of characters..

@ClipzyProd472

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!!!!!

Remember to breathe and maintain your own calm and steady frame of mind Confidence is quiet, insecuties are loud

My current boyfriend gets me to react to his abuse and gaslighting and then records me while I react. He’s a nut job

@freerobuxcheckmychannel2521

3 жыл бұрын

Mine did that too! Why? Do this listen to this later, to feel powerful?

@jenniferaugustine9537

3 жыл бұрын

Same! Never good psychotic antics.

@mn0177

3 жыл бұрын

One word RUN!

@marybethmarlar

3 жыл бұрын

@@freerobuxcheckmychannel2521 to use later against you to people if necessary. To spin it to make you look like the mean one. Lies.

@amberdalbec548

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like ex-boyfriend energy

Navigating dealing with the narc is exhausting

@ClipzyProd472

3 жыл бұрын

So exhausting

@MsAIR1990

2 жыл бұрын

Wears you down so much it's hard to do anything productive for your life

@Soothsayer937

Жыл бұрын

If you have never read a book called "The Celestine Prophecy" I highly recommend it. It is about energy exchange and the difference between sharing energy with people and taking it from people.

You just taught me how to deal with my husband right now.

@carlbowles1808

3 жыл бұрын

Quit reaction and win. Don't give your power to others. You are better than that, self control is the best control. listen to this woman, she is right.

@marshallbrooks312

3 жыл бұрын

I agree great information... and damn she’s gorgeous 😳

@Wildchile

3 жыл бұрын

Without your reaction, they expose their manipulative intentions.

@Wildchile

3 жыл бұрын

Also they will lie about it later so take notes or record when necessary

@cloverstylez

3 жыл бұрын

Me too

This is how i am with my parents. Sometimes i can be reactive when im belittled and yelled at. It took me 24 years to realize that im not crazy or insane, my parents were emotionally abusive and unsupportive of me. Thank you for this video Stephanie. Im distancing myself from them emotionally and trying to save enough money to move out.

@artwithmamafairybreadd

3 жыл бұрын

I had a very abusive mother. What she did was that bad, no one believed me....it’s really important to move out....you can’t be around abuse if it won’t stop. If you have tried your hardest to make them change, and they won’t, then leave.....I really tried to make things work, but she took advantage of me still being around And toyed with me even more....I can’t believe how evil she was....I shudder at how I had to live with her...I’m in my 50s, I’m free of her now ...I just refuse to see her....and she knows why....

@NFSMAN50

3 жыл бұрын

@@artwithmamafairybreadd i am very sorry to hear that. My siblings and i have tried to reason with them but they are still stubborn. Thank you for sharing!

@anu7982

3 жыл бұрын

@@artwithmamafairybreadd how did you gain financial independence staying with abusive parents?? . I am struggling with confidence to attend interview . Lockdown made everything worse .

@charleyvicky

3 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that, you deserve far better. This video is so eye opening, and I feel from listening to it that it’s something I may even have been experiencing too. It’s been particularly worse throughout the pandemic. These types of people push and push you until you do or say something bad. It’s an extremely clever way for them to attempt to destroy you. I wish to leave too. Let’s hope this pandemic ends quickly, then people experiencing this can get away from these types of environments.

@Tom-hl8nx

2 жыл бұрын

@@anu7982 when there is a will,there is a way, same thing here I was sinking in learned helpesness , I'm still fighting,what about you ,did the situation improve

“They are banking on you to react” truer words have never been spoken. Don’t continue to give them what they want.

@kellyheflin685

7 ай бұрын

Real❤

@GaslightingIsEvil

3 ай бұрын

But they use whatever you have told them and cause emotional dysregulation

I’m still struggling after months of reactive abuse ... still feeling like, I shouldn’t have reacted. Should have sucked it all up in and left, but I couldn’t. Was gaslighted, badly.

@MsAIR1990

2 жыл бұрын

I'm still trying to find my way out. The gaslighting and emptional abuse is pushing me to my breaking point

@msliberated3899

Жыл бұрын

@@MsAIR1990 it’s time to leave or they will turn you into a monster.

@puremaledark8305

Жыл бұрын

You couldnt of fixed it. I left the scene every time they tried to bait me. Then they just got mad for me leaving. Hope you are doing better!

@ihatestalkersbm9486

Жыл бұрын

@@msliberated3899 its time to leave

I have done reactive abuse and have felt terrible and guilty about it for a while now. Thank you for this video. I was appalled at my behavior and this helps me to forgive myself.

@sarahcook908

Жыл бұрын

It was a normal response to a cruel and abnormal situation. The fact that you feel awful afterward is a good sign, you're a normal human. The disturbing thing is the abuser doesn't feel bad about it afterward. Stay strong and be gentle with yourself ❤️

@deborahlincoln-strange622

Жыл бұрын

I know exactly what you mean

@etcharb6611

10 ай бұрын

Yes that was me, I was blamed and gaslight for catching a lie and pursuing the truth. The blame she was throwing at me for her lies and the invalidation of my feelings drove me insane and cruel. I feel guilty about being cruel but to this day she sticks to her story that it was only me that was cruel. I apologized for having been cruel and she never did. I know better now. Thank you for this video.

@Liz-in8lu

5 ай бұрын

Same

For me, my reactivity always follows being gaslit. Because I have experienced gaslighting throughout my life from my close family and certain relationships. If someone basically denies my reality and doesn’t take any accountability for their role in something after I have, I go into fight or flight and I sometimes don’t act the way I would like to. It becomes more about me trying to establish that I’m right Vs being empathetic.

I caught myself recognizing these toxic people and I’m practicing not to mirror them emotionally, but by labeling it as “reactive abuse” I feel better because now I know that the abuser wants me to think I’m the problem when I’m not, even if they don’t realize that they’re being abusive... thanks for the video 🙏🙏

Reactive abuse is a huge problem I have because of CPTSD; I've been in therapy for two years and YOU CAN GET BETTER. you can become less reactive through introspection and learning healthy coping strategies

I think the hardest thing is when your husband thinks all these lies about you and tells you constantly. It hurts so bad and it makes you start to believe it. He literally went at me all night until I finally broke and cried and admitted I'm at fault.

"Disengage and do things the right way..." THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Not recognizing yourself in these reactions is the red flag for me. I just ended a 2 year relationship of broken promises and gaslighting. I reacted and we broke up. He called me crazy, I wasn't crazy. I was being emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused. I had a similar relationship with my parents and cut them off years ago. I recognized about 2 months into the relationship when my feeling and conversations were ignored, but I was determined to make the relationship work. I tried talking about things that bothered me, but it ws always a dead end. I had so much anxiety I wanted to crawl into a ball and die. I'm working through this and this video helps. Thank you!

OMG that describes the lay 8 months of my marriage and him blaming me for leaving. You described it to a tee. He was cheating and nearly 2 yrs gone still won’t take ownership.

Okay this is wild! I never knew that they were finding "proof" and actually justifying their own abuse - that they started. Thanks for this!

I have found that not taking things personally is a huge golden nugget. I have learned the way people act the way they do is because they are not healthy. Creating a bubble is so important. I stopped engaging with my ex when I became healthier and could see he had a lot of childhood baggage. He just repeated the patterns of behaviour he grew up with. Gosh, it was so toxic yet I stayed longer than I needed to. I wasn’t getting much in return but abuse and control. When I finally reached an emotional pain threshold I cut myself free. ☮️ and ❤️ to everyone who has managed to do the same. Just breathe now...

@eromicafrancisco5477

Жыл бұрын

How did you do it?

It hurts when they talk to all family. He has his audience. I am all alone. It seems as though, as most people automatically do this: The first person who they hear from first, they tend to agree with them. I don't gossip. No body has EVER asked me about anything, of what has been said. It has caused my physical health to deteriorate.

@Gloroxsocks

3 жыл бұрын

I hear you and I am here for you ❤️

@teresareid5034

3 жыл бұрын

Ive had this done to me my son has got everybody on his side and I think to myself get in with it because I know the truth and if he has to go around telling everybody and getting everybody on his side then he knows his lying because I’m on my own and that doesn’t hurt me as I know the truth and the truth always comes out in the end karma and the universe will intervene ❤️

@Wildchile

3 жыл бұрын

Speak your truth calmly ~ even writing a story to share with friends helps

@gibbyswife9218

3 жыл бұрын

@@Gloroxsocks 💞Thank you. It is ironic, you don't even know me, but have shared those words of kindness I so need, but that have never been said to me, by those who I would like to hear from, that have never even asked me anything. I Thank You for your kindness.💞

@gabrielleg8794

3 жыл бұрын

I have to deal with the same issue. You are not alone I feel even less valued than a criminal because even criminal has rights and is listen to in court but even this is not even allowed to me to even speak up your truth. I know it can be very frustrating and make you angry I think that is the purpose to aim to destroy or attack your self esteem that they can get control over you. Don't fall in their trap and take distance from such toxic environment. You cannot expect to heal in the same environment that makes you sick. God bless you

I didn't realise I was being gaslight at work until my coworker pointed it out to me. For a minute I thought I was the problem but learned that we have an abusive manager at work. Instead of approaching me to resolving problems, she bad mouths about me to everyone. Best thing my boss did was remove me from a negative position to keep me in a good mental state. Can't wait to move out of this toxic environment. Thank you for explaining this!

I have learned how to really slow myself down in order to stay in control of my emotions. Abusers really do crumble when you stay in your own lane of being grounded, calm and collected. Ultimately your energy is so much higher than theirs that they no longer feel comfortable being around you.

I learned this too late. HOW can I explain this to my adult kids ? They are ONLY reminded of my reactions and NEVER what got me there

@neena9202

3 жыл бұрын

To be honest, i wouldnt even explain it. Rebuild the relationship by letting them see you for who you really are. Dont talk about it , just be yourself and your character over time will show them that your past reactions wasnt who you really are. My dad went through this and he goes blue in the face explaining it to me everyday, and I believe him. I know my mom is evil and saw it for myself. I'm sad that he feels the need to explain and defend himself constantly. Not that its bad to do, and I'm sure a normal reaction, but i just say, let people see who you are for themselves. Even if its hard to do, gotta push through it and then reap the rewards later

You are right, being aware and having the right tools makes life easier. No one deserves the evil and dysfunction of others.

I'm a victim and survivor of domestic violence, and I thought I was pregnant twice from it but thankfully I did not end up pregnant from everything, if I did end up pregnant from everything there would of been no way out of the situation, I was also homeless because being homeless was only way to get out of the situation, aside from that I have a rare syndrome called 22q11.2 Deletion Syndrome, and I also have PTSD and BPD to. I almost died from everything... I think this video is true, "don't take things personally" is the best life lesson a person could learn Thanks for posting your video, is good to have reminders like this once In awhile.

She is so cool, calm, and collected.

This video was so helpful and insightful. The hardest thing for me, is to stay positive when the other person is throwing shade. It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline to hold one’s tongue, or not to even have an internal reaction. Still working on it, though.

@msliberated3899

Жыл бұрын

Leave that environment quickly.

You nailed it when you said you can't change until you know you have a problem. Feeling safe enough to be vulnerable and admitting that your reaction was unacceptable and then taking appropriate action to learn how to regulate and communicate in a calm and clear manner.

This information is very helpful! For the longest time I felt like I was the sole cause of the issues because of how I was reacting to the subtle forms of abuse and manipulation.

Thank you. you described my relationship with my mother I was the scapegoat,this tipe of relationship has affected my whole life,now I 'm starting to heal from that upbringing,by the way I'm 55 ; )

@fk3972

Жыл бұрын

I’m with you. I hope you can see now, the abuse was never about you ❤

Going no contact felt impossible at first but I know the only reason why I've made the progress I've made is because I'm not on the emotional rollercoaster that comes with any and all contact with my ex. I ALWAYS reacted, no matter how hard I tried to avoid it. It's crazy that I didn't even realize how toxic that relationship was until after the discard but I'm so very grateful for all the information and education I've found in your videos. I didn't think I would ever be able to heal but it is possible if you do the work. I've never been more self aware and so very proud of myself than I am now. Thank You for doing what you do by sharing all this information that should be taught in schools.

You explain this so well. It’s so difficult to see our response is just inflating things and allows justification to the abusers remarks. It takes tremendous self control to slow down and not react. By the way the goosebumps are an indication of speaking from a higher truth. Your teaching is so needed.

I didn't know there was a term for this. OMG! Crying. My ex was a drug addict. He would lie and gaslight and I would get furious, screaming and yelling. He would then say, "see? This is why I have to lie to you all the time" He ended up beating me up and I got a restraining order and never spoke to him again but I couldn't help thinking it was my fault. It kind of was, to a certain degree. But 12 years of gaslighting and lying really does damage. It was a co-worker who told me his behavior had nothing to do with me. Totally freeing!!!! I am happily single but I have not stopped revisiting and educating myself to be able to identify this toxic behavior, not only from others, but myself as well.

Thank you for goving a name to this. This is literally what has allowed me to become the scapegoat of the Narcs in my life.

Omg!! The NEX just hoovered me and I gave in (after a few of his attempts) and THIS reactive abuse is how the three-day convo ended. And of course I'm so "dramatic and crazy". Ugh. I definitely HATE how they make you act SO out of character. THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO. Back to No Contact!!

@somrahprincess1

3 жыл бұрын

I feel u sameeeeeee over here

@marybondar9416

3 жыл бұрын

@@somrahprincess1 sending all the strength & love to get through it all! ❤

@samanthamakhafola3014

3 жыл бұрын

I relate to this 😩

@danacooper3646

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. I've never kept no contact long enough. Now it's permanent. I never want to see him again.

Learning emotional regulation definitely helps with taking control of your emotions and to be able to respond and not react.

This was an eye opener for me. Having years of terminology knowledge on dealing with narcissistic or toxic people, reactive abuse is a new one. I dont mind hearing where I can improve because thats always been the goal. So much to put in practice and honestly I feel so... annoyed I guess that I even have to deal with people like this at all. I'd rather just walk away because I have no need to resolve anything with anyone who treats me this way.

This is exactly what I suffered through. I would always throw that term out there, “reactionary “ not even knowing this is an actual thing

Always on point missy!! Thank you Jesus...Oct.5th, 2020....17 yrs done!!! Thanks...strength from God....YOU ARE AWESOME SAUCE!! 😘

@ClipzyProd472

3 жыл бұрын

Congratulations!!! I’m getting there

This is blowing my mind. Realizing I need to heal way more than I thought, but I'm ready to take those steps. Ugh. Thank you.

Wow, you just explained my 21 year marriage in about three minutes. I was the reactionary abuser.

Actually my Aunt said this to me once about my family and she is right, it is true. Her advice was not to get so upset about what they are saying because the moment you do, and you say something because you're so upset then they can turn things around on you and I was glad that she said that, because I feel I can really talk to her about how I feel, she will try to relate, I don't think she's always felt heard though maybe that's what we share in common

He does not show this side of him to others. I am his adopted sister. But, I am 11 years older. HE IS THE FAVORITE

@BlueButterfly-mw8ld

3 жыл бұрын

I have the same issue with my older adopted sister although the roles are reversed. She is abusive and I have to remain non-reactive. I can say from my first hand experience I had no control over the fact I was my mother's favorite as a child when I became an adult and saw this I said something to my mother about it. Doesn't excuse my sister's abusive behavior toward me.

@gibbyswife9218

3 жыл бұрын

@@BlueButterfly-mw8ld Thank you💞

Thank you for explaining this in way that enabled me to move into acceptance and beyond guilt. That guilt seemingly keeps getting me sucked back into chaos, trying to prove, explain, justify, defend and ultimately apologizing for my " crazy outrageous childish behavior" of screaming and yelling regardless of what was said or done repeatedly to provoke it. Unfortunately when I became of aware of the patterns and what was going on instead of accepting it as that persons issue, not mine....I did become increasing enraged as I started identifying what was going on while it was actually happening.. and could give the insidious emotional abuse a name and identify the tactics and cycles. I exploded until it was cleared from my life. Not only do I feel guilty and ashamed for acting in such a way, but also feel stupid for letting myself continue with someone to that level and for so long. I find these videos' helpful in making sense of what went on and why, and I truly appreciate them. All of them.

I wish I’d known this about 20 years ago. I still don’t understand the why though. I could write an epic on everything not to do. 😕

@igcmr5084

3 жыл бұрын

Ditto

This is the best explanation of reaction abuse that I have seen. Even though society should hold them accountable they won’t take personal responsibility for themselves. This is the mark of a narcissist. So we need to understand that. Also, you were the first person who explained the difference between a reaction and a response. In addition, you didn’t say to leave permanently. Just leave the situation long enough to collect your thoughts and calm down.

I literally just went through this EXACT situation. Exactly. Thank you for framing it so well.

@oscarwilliamson6163

Жыл бұрын

Dawn M,You deserve better 🙏

Thank you, Stephanie! Great information! I was manipulated before and this sheds so much light on what I went through.

I have had some great counselling about this exact problem. I have struggled with reactive abuse for decades. Thank you so much for this.

That's what I needed to hear. I just "woke up". I admire the way you talk and analyse the situation. It all make sense to me! Kisses from GREECE!

This is a game changer!!!! 👏👏👏 I did this due to being just so tired of he’s unhealthy reactive and gaslighting behavior. It really surprised me how well my calm response worked! He actually apologized for he’s behavior. However, I have grown out of this relationship already. I can’t wait to find a healthy and balanced man by my side 😉 I am so grateful for your content! It really made me look at my situation in the most clear eyes and not romantic blurry eyes 😅 It took me 5 yr and a big financial loss. But, my sanity and well-being is priceless!

@msliberated3899

Жыл бұрын

Yes! Mental Sanity and wellbeing are primary and priceless. 🎉

Your videos have helped me learn not only about how to react to others, but also self awareness that has helped me lower my defensive wall and become stronger by actually dealing with my own issues to avoid the people I've attracted and kept around in the past. Thanks! I also saw your insta post, Happy 40th!

Angry voicemails, text, etc. are often pinned as the behavior of an “abuser” because its considered abusive behavior. However, I have lived and witnessed enough abusive relationships to know that actual abusers (these days) know not to leave an electronic trail most of the time. If someone gets an angry message or wall of text, I am more suspicious of the receiver than the sender…

Well I'm definitely guilty of reactive. Whats interesting I work in retail and I deal with people all the time who are trying to manipulate to get discounts or items marked down I've even dealt with people cussing me and I maintain my cool. but in the family unit between my ex-wife and my stepdaughter it was next to Impossible to stay out of the reactive in retail the encounter only took maybe five minutes but at home it was hours of berating and mouthing. Seemed the only option for me was to get out so after 20 wasted years I did.

@broGabiza

3 жыл бұрын

Good on you! When mum and your step daughter team up, you never going to win that one. All the hardwork you put will never be appreciated but thrown in your face. Thanks for sharing 👍

@msliberated3899

Жыл бұрын

💯💯

Survival! Protective reaction. Protecting my mental safety for decades. The abuse turned me into someone I did not like at all. I went very little to no contact, 6 months now, in order to build those emotional response muscles. It's so difficult, and I am learning.

Abuser PROVOKES the subject, using a host of subtle and perhaps covert tactics. The unitiated subject usually has no idea (until the repetitive cycle becomes obvious) what is going on and is like a bull in a ring, being stabbed and spiked by the circling matador. The bull knows nothing but to eventually charge the source of pain. When the matador is gored, the crowd sympathises...

@kathysteele4303

3 жыл бұрын

Message to all bulls in a matadors ring... break out of the ring. Go find a peaceful field far away from armed torturers

I tried to get myself out of the situation so I can just try to handle my own emotions then if I get quiet I'm called passive aggressive I'm trying not to make it worse by reacting and then I'm accused of attacking and I don't even have to say anything .

@KathrynBrock1

3 жыл бұрын

I have dealt with this by giving myself words to say before it happens, and trying to play it out ahead of time in my mind. It gives me something to hold on to, knowing that I know what I say isn't reactive or driven by emotion. Usually it's something like, "This is upsetting me right now, and I need some time to calm down and organize my thoughts." If they react and say something negative, I just stand my ground, knowing I do need that time in order to be able to process and respond appropriately.

@greeneyedparadox6609

3 жыл бұрын

yeah, they believe what they believe. They are the creators of their reality. so, i have definitely learned to stay way away from these people. Not saying manifesting is good or bad, either but if their manifestations do not align with self.... get out stay out. As their obsession states.

@KatrinaAglipay

3 жыл бұрын

Yup!!! Exactly!

@MsAIR1990

2 жыл бұрын

This is my life. I'm bad if I try and leave, I'm bad if I react, I'm bad when I shut down, I'm always bad no matter how good I am

@ryanlangston439

2 жыл бұрын

Then you don't know what passive aggressive is, its when they make remarks sarcastically like but try to be serious about the comment

Well, they blamed me that I can’t control my emotions, when I reacted to them. Now even they ignored the parenting agreement, I stop reacting to them. Understanding them as vampires, not human being made me stop reacting them. They don’t understand how harmful to my daughter keep away from her father 2 months. They do it to satisfied their empty hurt.

@KatrinaAglipay

3 жыл бұрын

Yup!! 💯

I really needed to see this today. I really wish I'd seen this 7 months ago.

Wife of 23 years started this shit 3 years ago. I’m glad videos like this exist

The favorite thing that was said to me everytime i noticed I was about to become reactive & I tried to stop the conversation to calm the argument down & to re- center things, was “of course, there you go controlling the conversation, like always” in a very demeaning way.

💯 💯 Omg I am 15 years in this relationship, I just don’t know how to get out of this.

@connie1212

3 жыл бұрын

You know your self best & only you can strategically plan to leave.. do u live with bf? Or alone or with parents? You block the person's cell phone number, or change your number is Best, block & remove your self from all social media.. You leave don't ever consider going back.. cause it will hurt more when you do back m forth..

@gibbyswife9218

3 жыл бұрын

@@connie1212 This is true, in my experiences, as well.

@lifemusic1980

3 жыл бұрын

Go no contact

@tonyaholmes1647

3 жыл бұрын

NO CONTACT NO CONTACT..... I understand EXACTLY how you are feeling. I have 14 years in and I’ve gone NO CONTACT since Dec 19..it’s not easy but the PEACE OF MIND I have and listening to KZread videos has helped me significantly. I encourage you to seek peace within yourself and BE HAPPY(they HATE that)it will get better. He is doing a lot of gaslighting now and I’m still IGNORING him....I REFUSE to give him any ENERGY! Hang in there!!! WE GOT THIS!! 💯

this lady has open my eyes it funny how life works

This is EXACTLY what happened to me. Years of emotional abuse and when I reacted badly I WAS THE ABUSER! Jacked up my mind!

These videos are so helpful. I have commented on here before: I was taken in by a phony who turned out to be an abusive narcissist and screw with my mind. He robbed me of years of possibly loving and trusting another person. i have finally accepted that I was in a "romantic aciident" where the other driver was abusive and it wasn't my fault. I am still working on the non-reactive part. The anger has been hard to manage but I'm getting better.

You speak from heart that’s why you get goosebumps 🌸

I can’t tell you how helpful you are.Thankyou so much. I’m slowly learning to take my control back and becoming a calmer person and everything I’ve learned it’s from you so Thank youuu 💯💯❤️

When someone is yelling and screaming at you and you react, they're triggering your fight or flight switch in you if you can take a deep breath before you react (I know it feels unnatural the first few times you do it) but what that does it restores the balance of the flight or fight in you

I am absolutely trapped in this situation, it’s become so bad that I’ve been to jail for 16 days because of this. I’m a marine corps veteran and I have absolutely embraced becoming reactive. And I don’t know how to stop it. When I try to leave she becomes physical, leaving is actually the exact situation that got me arrested. It was the worst moment of my life. And I feel completely trapped or addicted it’s horrible.

@msliberated3899

Жыл бұрын

Leave! This discipline is only good temporarily because they will still try to destroy and tear you into pieces.

I didn’t realize that’s what he was. Now it makes sense. I’m learning so much through all these videos and has lifted so much frustration. Thank you so much.

I so needed to hear this. Thank you.

So on point for my life right now. Thank you.

Oh my lord, i’m in this exact situation! So glad i found your channel! 😊

Great video! I went through extremely damaging reactive abuse in my most recent situationship. Until recently, the term was new to me. Now that I know about it hopefully I can avoid people who do this going forward. I feel like he was intentionally doing things to make me react unfavorably to make me feel like I was going insane. Then he could prove that I was the issue to his thuggie friends when in fact he was the reason we didn't work. No contact was the only way to start to restore the broken parts of me I lost while caught up in this toxic mess. I refuse to play his game anymore.

Thank you Stephanie...your videos have been my lifeline the past year..I am so grateful to you for this channel. You are seriously awesome.

Thank you for posting this video when I needed it the most.🙏

@gibbyswife9218

3 жыл бұрын

@Rashmi Girish Her timing in this video was needed by myself, right now, too.

I needed to hear this! Thank you!

You explain these concepts so well. I’ve also been reading on same subjects you cover. Your explanations definitely make material easy to grasp.

You seriously just saved the day!

@shaniecegullison

2 жыл бұрын

How did it go

Needed this!! Ur so right about leaving the room and getting ur emotions right!! It's so hard to when u feel so violated and just walk away but I'm trying. Ty 😘

Have the *added insight I already knew but needed that hearsay reinforcement, thanks so much -- your kind but strong!

Thank you so much for this clip! I haven’t seen any videos on this particular tactic, and this has really helped me to understand this. My ex would use this tactic against me alllllll the time! It was very hard for me because he lies and argues so cleverly, I stood no chance !

Can you talk more about how to build that muscle so you can go toe to toe? Also wanted to take a moment to say thank you for this channel. Finding this channel makes me feel ... not alone.

@JH-dh7dw

3 жыл бұрын

It's called no contact. The more you learn how to deal with them the sooner you'll be discarded.

Awesome video ! Love this and so so true so important but def not easy ! Thank you for this

Sure needed to hear this today. Thank you!

So needed to hear this today, thank you Stephanie for the excellent content! I find listening to you so calming, empowering, and helpful. Thank you.

@vernita0216

3 жыл бұрын

SAME!!!!!

Thanks for making these videos. I'm in a really triggering situation right now and this is giving me some hope.

I've learned so many people will do whatever they ask,your support system whatever, if they don't want you to have something that will help you,they will ask the person in control of that to be obedient to them,everyone listens to what they want. going through coercive control

This is so helpful and you are so well spoken. Really great video, I got a loooooot from this.

Thank you. I knew this already but needed to hear it again

thank you for insight! you are awesome!

Thank you for the affirmation

I needed to hear this rn... ty!

Needed this so much right now

This is so helpful and your speaking is flawless thankful!💝

Although in my most recent relationship, the abuse I received was not necessarily at the hands of a narcissistic person (more self-obsessed and selfish), the behaviour pattern was very similar. This has helped me understand that my reactive abuse is nothing to be ashamed of and was completely understandable given the awful things that were done to me. She would routinely highlight my behaviour as being a huge problem and in fact I'd spend most of my time trying to make up for my reactions to her initial rejections, betrayals and lies.

This is THE BEST strategy I have heard to help people who are aware of their REACTIVE ABUSE and stuck a little in the allow others in their life control others in this way. Especially when it’s mention that you do t want this person(s) take down all the work you HAVE done thus far…yes, beyond helpful in this video. Thank you 🙏🏻💓🙏🏻

Thank you just what I needed to hear!

Thank you so much for this video ❤