YES!!! Those people put their shame into us because they choose not to work thru it themselves!!!! They don't want to make the effort to heal themselves. It's easier for them to push it off onto others and then go on along their flippant merry ways. You nailed it again, Michele!!!

@Sereneis

8 ай бұрын

Michele didn't say that narcs "didnt choose" to do work. She said they "don't do" work. Narcs are a response to trauma, that's what she said. They don't have the power of introspection as we do. They are mentally-ill. When will this society understand that?

@Sereneis

7 ай бұрын

Narcs don't "choose" not to do therapy. They just ARE NOT CAPABLE TO SEE HOW IT APPLIES to their lives. Their injury is not conscious. Can't you understand?

@Sereneis

7 ай бұрын

Michele, you are spot-on! I understand how my narc brother suffered as a baby with our intolerant, impatient, toxic, abusive narc mother. She HERSELF had been severely neglected by my grandparents. NPC is known to have genetic and environmental causes. It's a very frustrating condition because it is so easy to hate those who hurt us. You have clearly explained how a narc injury develops in the child narc. But I think some ppl interpret "narcissistic injury" as the damage caused by the narc in the victim or target. Hatred, caused by pain, is causing more shame in some self-aware narcissists. I wish I could help my brother bc I know he is deserving of help, but society has turned against them. Thank you for trying to shed some light on the subject.

@coldpotatoes2556

5 ай бұрын

They don’t go on their ‘Merry’ way, because their narcissistic injury has not been healed, they just continue to find new hosts for their abuse.

don't let others dictate your life's happiness

To everyone watching this video and reading the comments: You are enough! You are beautiful! ❤️ If there are people judging you, trying to pull you down or making fun of you, then realize that they are the ones having problems in their life which they can not reflect on them selves. Just send positivity into the universe, reflect honesty on yourself, be humble and go with the flow! I send all of you strength, love en wisdom! 💪🏻❤️🙏🏻

@DonTwanX

2 жыл бұрын

I needed to read this. I can’t seem to find healthy people and end up abused or alone. Alone is safer, but gets super depressing. I’m such a people pleaser that I train people to walk all over me. I was never allowed to stand up for myself growing up, so I feel like a permanent whipping boy.

@DonTwanX

2 жыл бұрын

Even my shame is beautiful. Michele said so.

@2009RB1

2 жыл бұрын

😊❤🥰

This is the best video I’ve watched explaining the cycle of shame from its beginnings, to storage in the limbic system, to transference, to why it stays stuck in our bodies. Shame influences so many choices. Thank you so much for this life-changing information and the tips. This is liberating.

The simple fact is that they cannot handle shame and so they avoid it at all costs. They are constantly running from it because of their disorder.

When the narcissist repeatedly called me stupid or degraded me in some fashion or another or belittled me I took on shame! I found myself literally scolding myself for not living up to what it was that I perceived or thought she would like or would make her happy! I think I was probably and still am trauma bonded and in some strange way still codependent! Thank you so much, again, for helping us, Michele! 💞

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Don t blame yourself too much... These people don t make sense at all!

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

These people make no sense... They got trapped in their own spider web... Move on with our own life, your healing and your projects... Conclusion: they are not worth it!

I've always said this - a baseless accusation is a confession in disguise....

@CG-no7js

2 жыл бұрын

Best comment ever!

In as much as you realize what the projection was about, transferance adds another light on to it. Imagine an inner turmoil so explosive, you must release the building pressure onto someone. Anyone will do but the longer the affects can be witnessed the better bang for the buck. Thus the primary's most important role, unbeknownst to them. It is almost impossible figure this out in post narc fog. Only in a sea of information can you absolutely discern this anomaly, in an otherwise perceptive life, & cleanse out the poison.

Great perspective. The toxicity is flung at you to carry. It’s parasitic and corrosive that’s not even ours to bare

@angelamossucco2190

7 ай бұрын

It was not theirs to bear either. They were emotionally tortured in the developmental era of their life.

I am so incredibly angry that my mom projected her shit into me and now I have to spend my whole adult life reprogramming and healing through therapy because she chose not to do the work. It’s so damn unfair, but generational curses stop with me.

I prolly spend two hours a day everyday on KZread and I practically never ever comment... But I had to say something this time, this was some real fire content Michele🔥🔥 Tha k you so much! It really cleared up to me the mysterious way of how someone is able to get into your head and make you lose all self confidence and self esteem and feel shame 24/7. At first I was almost thinking it’s some kind of hypnosis. But yea I’m starting to understand what the frick happened now, lol, and feel like this will be a nice addition to the arsenal of fighting cptsd. Thanks again and keep up the good work 😁👍

Guilt is "I did something bad". Shame is "I am bad."

I'm so glad to find this video. On the Internet the articles say 'talk about what you're ashamed of' and I'm like 'I didn't do anything wrong and the object of my shame will feel like everything at the time then move to something else. What?' Luckily I was 24 when I was r@ped and stalked in a relationship with an older narcissist so I remember I didn't feel this before being involved with him and his family. This video is amazing. Shame is the hardest thing to kick out. Shame keeps you stuck. Shame is why talk therapy alone does not suffice. Shame when it's in the subconscious is VERY confusing and isolating to bear.

Thank you so much for making this. I deal with shame triggers on a daily basis and it's just nice to have clarity on why it's there and what to do about it.

My ex wife blamed her mother so much for her trauma. Now that we are separating she is her best her friend, and I became responsable for it.

Shame is the most effective weapon in a narcs arsenal to control you…I experienced that from my mother…great content never really understood those feelings

Know yourself Acknowledge shame remorse and empathy for mistakes we make And no one is perfect Forgive yourself and don’t take the Narcs to heart They don’t really have one Or it’s just lost and burned somewhere very dark How they can masquerade light best seems to be when or if we are in the dark with them Keep Faith , keep yourself and keep your light 🔥✝️🙏 Thank you Michele 🕊🔥

What you said about your ex not wanting you to have fun: my dad NEVER took us to the beach in the 24 YEARS that I lived with them.. now that I live overseas and shared one photo of me in the beach, his comment on that photo is: "What an easy life, hey!" 🙄

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Because he always knew you love the sea... He is jealous because they don t love or have real fun... Enjoy your beach🏖️🚣‍♂️🤸‍♂️🙋‍♀️💅

Working really hard to never let them feel their own shame. Great way to describe this process. For me, it was like having multiple full time jobs…it was even work in how and when I went to bed, or how and when I woke up, plus everything in between day and night. Literally started judging myself for how I SLEEP.

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

😥

I spent my entire childhood living in shame because I did not measure up to my father’s unreasonably high academic expectations. Before he retired, he was an educator at an esteemed university who has taught some very bright students in his career. He destroyed my childhood and expects me to shut up and suffer in silence while he has made me a prisoner in my own home. I have been isolated from everyone I knew, I’m unemployed and dependent on the money that they send me which is just enough to pay my bills. I don’t have enough money to comfortable buy myself a birthday present. He’s abusive but he expects me to comply with his wishes and maintain silence about what they’ve done to me because he thinks he owns me and I should be grateful to him. At this point, I have absolutely no idea what the hell they want from me. Listening to all the videos on narcissistic abuse, the only thing that makes sense is that they’re getting narcissistic supply out of making me suffer.

@hugmc

2 жыл бұрын

I am sorry on this one. But get yourself a job 🤷‍♂️

@sonnyca

2 жыл бұрын

@@hugmc A nasty smear campaign and inhuman harassment at my last job traumatized me to the point that I didn’t want to be near people.

@666numberofthebeast

2 жыл бұрын

@@sonnyca I moved away, went no contact with the incubator or anything who enables her and changed my number. We can't let them make us feel stuck and scared to cut them off. Get a job and don't tell them anything about it, save up and move far away and then go no contact. Excuses will just keep us stuck and sometimes you have to be uncomfortable for a while to find peace, when i first moved in on my own i didn't have a fridge nor stove. I used to use a convectional oven and a tiny cosmetic fridge to put hot pockets and frozen food in lol Now i plan on getting a better apartment by the summer

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

They made him so weak... Now he believes the lies of the narcissist that he is lazy, or that no company will take him... They are called malignant for a reason... My mom did this with my sister and her children... It s really sas

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

Try finding a fun part time job near or on campus. Open a separate account & start saving for your new career & your 1st home 🙋 & buy yourself something nice with 10% of your own money each year! xo

I was barely thinking about this earlier & how this is done in subtle ways with seeking approval, making someone accountable for their emptiness by any means necessary.

Is anxiety caused by shame, anticipation of shame, or feeling shame from the past? It seems like both sides of empathy scale have shame as a common foundation. Would love to hear anyone's input.

Thank you so much. This is life changing..❤️😻

What a great title and absolutely the truth.

I learned to let them do their own inner work. And healing. Shame is there game. Distancing myself is how I deal with that. Cause narcissist do not like Empaths being happy. But yet they mimic us. Give them their shame back to them.

Excellent video! Was waiting for someone to speak directly on shame transference, and, as usual, Ms. Nieves speaks with compassion and eloquence!

Wow, absolutely true! My irresponsible narcissistic mom expected us to carry all her malpractice... Wouldn t care to destroy the whole family if neccesary... Only for her prestige... These people are pathetic... They can look so calm at times, while all the people around them are suffering trying to help them... But then when we wake up, pull the rug and they fall off their ass... We don t care as we are tired of their malignant ways.

I have all these qualities. I'm listening. I have 3 narcs in my life. Overt and covert My kids are narcs/ the Dad was and I left but the kids went back to stay.

@jacalyntaylor6721

2 жыл бұрын

I'm a enabler people pleaser and always get people what they want or need 💯 now my life is being turned upside down cause I moved into a housebfull of narcissist being destroyed 🙃

@dakoderii4221

2 жыл бұрын

@@jacalyntaylor6721 I actually kinda had fun battling the narcs nonsense. I felt like a samurai warrior taking on multiple assailants with ease. Then they pulled their Ace card on me. That was lying to doctors and police because they "cared for me and feared for my safety and only want the best for me". It turns out that Law Enforcement doesn't necessarily care about laws just rather or not you "scare" someone. Scaring a narc with truth is the same as scaring them with a weapon, to the System anyways. You can't be charged with a crime but they can lock you up indefinitely in a mental hospital and force drug you until you become the doormat they always wanted. I know it sounds crazy but learn from my story. You may be in more danger than you realize if the narcs in your life can get into the ears of powerful people. Record things if you feel you have too. Otherwise it's your words against theirs and you know how that is gonna go.

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

Narcs are often the "Disneyland" parent. No boundaries & no healthy guidance. They often smear our efforts when the children are with them. I've seen this & am happy to tell You they come around as young adults when they see thru the Narc.

I have a narcissistic mother and now I’m realizing this shame in myself in the current relationship I’m in with a girl… she may also potentially be a narcissist… but idk… I do always think what can I do better maybe I did do something bad… when really I was just having a regular discussion… and I feel this sense of wanting to appease her all the time and wanting to make her feel better when it literally almost seems impossible… Thank you for the video. 🙏

This is the best video I’ve watched on this topic. Just unlocked so many things. Thank you so much for the work you do! So thankful for your heart, knowledge & videos! ❤

Michele you are an angel. This video was exactly what I needed. My brother asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said nothing. He was persistent and has an Amazon account, I asked for living with intent journal! I can’t wait to get started. Thank you so much for all you do. Your videos have helped me so much.

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

💞

This was great. Thank you so much for the clear and compassionate breakdown. Your videos are great, and very helpful.

Excellent excellent excellent Michele. So many things clicked in here. Thank you.

you are a truly authentic person. you teach without being "a teacher" thank you !! you have helped me in ways that occur to me at work the next day.

I liked when you said "name it to tame it" . I hope to use this in the future when shame pops up. Thanks for your helpful videos!

Really clear thanks for sharing ! 😀

Subconsciousness is great utility for anyone trying to break my mental health. You can always count on it if it comes to make yourself miserable! What a great gift.

Omg. This video is amazing. I've been feeling that horrible feeling for at least a year or more. And even though the person that transferred it to me has been gone for 4 months now the feeling is unshakable and feels like it grows stronger each day. It's crippling and palpable. I heard this video and thought, "love ur shame"? But right after you said what was missing, I felt relief. I will work on that. It helped sooth and calm thay feeling. Tysm I feel like I have some hope again and a way to deal!! ❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you for This brilliant message Michelle❤ Narcisists Project their shame onto us and If they were our parents we absorbed their shame projections onto us and it was not our fault. It is however vitally important to heal those shame wounds in our adult life because we will not be happy and we risk passing it onto our children. It is high time to break those generational wounds and traumas.

Thank you for this valuable and interesting information about how shame is stored and then transferred to others.

Another beautiful video that makes so much sense.

Wonderful to hear how to clear the undeserved shame from our systems that others put on us to carry. But the key to this video being so helpful to me is hearing you calmly explain their evil use of abandonment that goes along with the shaming!! The abandonment of children emotionally by their large family group is too unkind for words. But in their injustice system, shame was the accusation that they handed down to make the person, me, feel wrong as a person, and the abandonment part, was the punishment sentencing part of their tribunal. It was handed down to me as a life sentence of alienation from everyone in the immediate family. I will be going forward with new resolve. Why in heavens name would I ever care to be around people who would perpetually abandon little children and continue to do that to a person their whole life long. Wow, you just made everything much easier to work through. All my memories are of being abandoned in small, medium, and large ways. And when they bring up past memories, they heartlessly pick moments where I was publically shamed or embarrased when extended family was also present in social settings. I was a nice, sweet child, very helpful, very kind. I am so thankful God loves those of us who believe in his son Jesus, and God desires to adopt us all as his very own children to be joint heirs along side kind and loving Jesus, as his siblings. And Jesus has promised us lots of brothers and sisters when we have lost our own families. What a beautiful blessing I said yes to long ago to God's generous offer, but now i can officially celebrate daily and minute by minute because of the shear joy of being wanted by the most loving family of all, God's family!

My mother shamed me all the time. I am a dude and i had erytrophobia from it and anxiety depression and weed abuse cause of this. 8 years she abused my psychologically She is a devil and deep down i know i am a great guy with good values and honor. I try my best to heal from it. And be the best version i possibly can.

Excellent video, shines a logical light on the subject of shame and narcissism, thanks Michele!

Taking the message that was said to us that created the shame...abandonment..AND CHANGING THE WORDS. CHANGING THE MESSAGE...CREATE A NEW MESSAGE IN OUR HEAD!! "I AM SO GLAD YOU WERE BORN AND ALIVE NOW" !

😢 that is what I felt right know

Carry it right to the garbage can❤😊

Thank you Great video. I went through hours upon hours of videos about npd and you have a great way of putting things so clear and simple that I go through healing just by listening to you cause everything is addressed so directly that my subconcious mind answers immediatelly, thank you it really helps

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

18:00 💞🙋

Thank you Michele. I think shame wears itself out. But in some cases Is not shame they avoid. some avoid being over punish or disrespected for the same mistake. Others will also will be disrespectful or judgmental for attention at first till it becomes their own personal problem. problems around narcissist people always escalate for the worst. Like a rotten apple

This gave me immense clarity on the cycle I’ve been in with an x …who I’m still allowing to do this to me. This video makes me want to tell him to come move all his things out of my home - lovingly - but I need to start healing from this deep dark shame cycle.

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

Rent a pod. Fill it & have him ship it all to his place ; )

You are totally on point!

Thank you.

I really appreciate this video!

Right!!! I remember acting this way. I couldn’t handle any criticism and never listened. Instead I attacked with total irrelevancy to the person in front.

Thank you for this video Michele. Shame makes you unhappy. So true. Shame turns into self hate and destroys your whole life. True! But how to overcome it. I wish I had money for the monthly membership.

Wonderful video!! So informative and validating! Thank you!

Thank you for a very informative video.

I am experiencing SHAME wound.........

Great video! Also, sounds just like my Cavalier King Charles Spaniels playing in the background 😂🤗

Please help me!! And help me - help my children- I do some of this..I encourage my children to the best of my ability children

I love your dogs😂❤️

Another question to ask yourself: Do I feel like I’m damaged goods?

I'm not a religious person but, God bless you Michelle. Ty so much, your videos are for my soul.

@shelbythorne2473

2 жыл бұрын

ops I meant Michele.

So this is about getting rid of shame and living your life in the moment, focusing in yourself, your needs and your healing and not caring at all what the narcissist does. Isn't that exactly what the narcissist does?? Please explain the difference, because I know for a fact that my behavior has been understanding, constructive, patient, caring, forgiving and empathetic and I received the opposite.

Its so hurtful

I always knew that my narcissistic mother had been narcissistically abused herself. Now my brother is a narcissist. It's a transgenerally condition designed as protection from suffering. Narcs don't choose to be bad. Their brains work differently. They really can't have empathy. They can't love. They are not equipped to care about others. It's easy to blame them for the damage they cause in us. But they are not at fault. Their parents are the ones to blame, and these parents are not at fault really. Nobody is at fault. Circumstances are at fault. Poverty, addiction, domestic abuse too much to express here. Suffice to say that blaming the narc is not enough, bc they are victims themselves.

@kimgordon3695

10 ай бұрын

A victim doesn't stay a victim when they do the inner work. 💞

Nothing interrupts a narcissist sleep............

Yesterday I tried to not feel ashamed and not to get angry with myself but it felt as if I'm double-crossing the thing that was going on. Because my whole inner self starts to think and feel like: Yes sure little lady, you can say whatever you want to make it less bad, but that is not going to bring that forgotten ingredient you already paid for into your kitchen. You did not check well enough if you placed all of your grocery items in your bag while packaging. I felt hopeless, stupid, and ashamed. hopeless|: because the store was already close and I have no idea how to prove tomorrow that I forgot my item, stupid: because next time it would be easier to throw my money in the bin before grocery shopping, ashamed: because apparently, I did not look good enough if I had taken all of my groceries from the check out counters' packaging board.

17:43 Name it to tame it

Michele, when people have a strong support system do you feel that this will help deflect some of the shame people try to inflict on vulnerable people? The narcissist may have tried to make me carry his shame, he couldn't but the people close to me made me feel it was my fault. My toxic relatives made me feel something's was wrong with me and that drove me into the narcissistic relationship.

@lesleygarvs4640

2 жыл бұрын

Absoluteljy! We are not weak... We are strong! We work out what others are too coward to work out

Yea the narisssstst will not ever Amit they are wrong they scrape goat you and it's all your fault when you didn't do nothing wrong and ask what u did your supposed to know and after a while you begin to believe the lies

Is this the same as being told if you hadn’t done X I wouldn’t have done this

@DiannaMoon9345

7 ай бұрын

Blame shift

Can a person with NPD apply these, or are they too far gone from the time of their childhood abuse?

Missed opportunity

My youtube keeps stopping when you are telling how things affect the narcissist....grr....I do not receive any more shame, no more. God created us lovely and unique, nothing wrong with us

@elhadjdiallo633

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely angel your right about that !!!! Narcs have ruined billions of lives in this universe!!!! Education and knowledge is power ....my education on these toxic , delusional and vindictive folks is equivalent to someone you abstained master on sychocology etc..I'm well educated even I haven't gotten my license yet !!! I thank God for this life changing !!! Narcs and toxic people are out of my life for ever I don't look at them twice at all don't get me wrong I love people with all my heart I habmve learn to love them from a distance because I don't know what they're doing behind close doors or behind the scene etc..... stay away from demonic folks ...nobody has power over you unless you give me...yall gotta take yall power back to get healthier , stronger , happier and more fulfill in life !!!!!

Do they know that their doing this

you are a truly authentic person. you teach without being "a teacher" thank you !! you have helped me in ways that occur to me at work the next day.