Where Nonviolent Communication Can Go Wrong & Get Toxic
On a recent group coaching call, someone shared how she was asked by a friend for an expression of appreciation and she resisted because the request felt more like a demand. Here, I talk about this potential pitfall in making requests - when they're coupled with needs and come with demand energy. I also offer some scripts for how you might consciously and kindly respond in that moment to such a request, and also, if you do submit to the request, how you might practice self-empathy afterwards.
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Dr. Yvette Erasmus is a psychologist, teacher, and consultant who specializes in transformative education for human healing and growth, helping people embrace differences while staying grounded in their fundamental unity. A sought-after relational-intelligence expert, Dr. Erasmus offers various programs for community learning as well as one-on-one consulting. Her approach synthesizes mind-body medicine, somatic experiencing, diversity and inclusiveness, nonviolent communication, and integral-relational-cultural psychology, bringing what has been divided and fragmented into wholeness and harmony. To learn more, visit yvetteerasmus.com.
Music: "The World Is Your Lover" by Mary Bue - shared with permission from the artist. marybue.com
Пікірлер: 7
I am glad that you are adding this to the non-violent communication conversation. Just using the 4 step script can be done without really empathetically connecting with the other person. All the nuances are helpful. Thank you. ❤
One thing I felt the absence of here was acknowledgment of the other person’s choice about hearing your truth. I heard the statement, “I felt yucky about your request because choice is important to ME”, I was missing the extension of that opportunity for choice to the other person. Maybe that could have looked something like, “Hey, I notice that a part of me really wants to extend this care that you are asking for, and a part of me is feeling some kind of resistance. Would it be okay with you if I share what is coming up for me?” That might be one way to keep alive the spirit of mutuality - if I am feeling a need strongly activated in me, I can remind myself that the other person has this same need and reach for a strategy that acknowledges that.
so though you have applied the 4 step process, the present request may be rejected because it came from an entitlement energy rather than a vulnerability energy.....love this insight, many thanks
@milam5321
3 ай бұрын
It can be rejected - a full stop. If it can't be rejected it is not a request, but a demand.
Thank you so much for bringing this insight into the light.
Great insight! Thanks a lot for sharing! 🙏 Claification of the head vs the heart ❤️
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