The causal agent of relationship boredom is always the same. At some point -- and for whatever reason -- the two of you stopped telling each other the truth. I guarantee that if you start telling the truth in your relationship, you won't be bored for very much longer. So why does this happen? It turns out most people don't really want to know the truth -- and that's generally not why they entered into the relationship anyway. This is because telling the truth almost always disrupts the status quo, which is often uncomfortable, inconvenient, and painful. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iaaMpNyKYquqdbQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzread.info/dron/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #marriage

@Alexxx492

4 ай бұрын

Thanks again for the amazing message Dr.O. I think that when our truth is shared tactfully it can strengthen relationships. ❤

@kungfujoe2136

4 ай бұрын

a bored relationship is just a job with out pay (wich you will be fired from)

@StayFractalesque

4 ай бұрын

Only Boring People Get Bored..

@szabgabor

4 ай бұрын

Thank you for your insights. It's truly enlightening to see the extent to which your perspectives align with Karyn's at @thehappywifeschool. The synergy between your views provides a rich, multi-dimensional approach to the topics you both cover. It's rare and invaluable to find such harmony and complementarity in the exploration of complex themes. Your collaborative spirit, even if indirect, enriches the discourse and offers your audiences a more nuanced understanding. Keep up the fantastic work; it's making a significant difference.

@AndNoted

4 ай бұрын

I love these little summaries of your videos. It helps me reference and jog memories when I go back and rewatch them. So much good information

"Men get bored adoring women who refuse to reciprocate affection. After so much effort they will simply walk away. “a cold heart leads to an empty house.”

@IceColdProfessional

4 ай бұрын

That's not boredom, that's acceptance that the girl just isn't that into you.

@wolfgangkranek376

4 ай бұрын

It can also be called getting annoyed, which is an aspect of boredom.

@IceColdProfessional

4 ай бұрын

@@wolfgangkranek376 You're reaching hard.

@millermanhal

4 ай бұрын

Men are easy. We will suffer if we are loved,respected and fed. ❤

@PricelessJesus

4 ай бұрын

Sad

"People who start telling the truth are universally punished by their community." Highlight of the video

@vinterskugge907

4 ай бұрын

"The truth is useful. But not for the one who tells it."

@ogpirons

4 ай бұрын

Check the replies to my comment to see this currently in effect.

@LittleMew133

4 ай бұрын

Me with slight Asperger's: "... oh no."

@StayFractalesque

4 ай бұрын

So that's why the hive mind upholds every single lie they can..

@WinglessRain

4 ай бұрын

Word.

"In order to be loved, you have to risk being known." - leaving this gem here for my reference.

Men tolerate boredom so they don't lose half their stuff

@SC-fk9nc

4 ай бұрын

😂

@Alexxx492

4 ай бұрын

Men should start telling their truth in a tactful manner or at least get prenups 😂

@jdsartre9520

4 ай бұрын

men got themselves into the situation

@JJ-wi2uw

4 ай бұрын

@@jdsartre9520 Most men marry a woman hoping that she won't change; most women marry a man hoping that he does.

@JJ-wi2uw

4 ай бұрын

This is a big one. Men are punished FAR more if they walk away from marriage.

Truth is accountability so over half the population wont be on board.

@Feuerbasis

4 ай бұрын

Classic

@grantbartley483

4 ай бұрын

I wonder which half you mean...

@Woofreestyle

4 ай бұрын

If we’re being honest men can’t handle the truth either. Most men would lose it if they knew they weren’t their wives first choice. Men also couldn’t handle that their girl is more sexually attracted to other men.

@stefanmatton8778

4 ай бұрын

​@@Woofreestylewhy should they when women are lying by omission? This is a massive cope for a lack of accountability

@syedtayyab5142

4 ай бұрын

Hahahaha killer

limbo is the first cicle of hell, where nothing bad happens to you, but nothing good wont be happening, boredom is one type of hell.

@gracerules2008

4 ай бұрын

You mean living like a ghost is hell?

@StayFractalesque

4 ай бұрын

Only Boring People get Bored..

@sithraeil

4 ай бұрын

ok nerd

Plato taught us, no man is hated more than one who tells the truth

This underlines the importance of choosing someone who is mentally and emotionally calm and stable, and who can handle the truth. It also underlines the importance of not getting married, because marriage introduces complacency and boredom into the relationship, and makes it difficult to tell the truth without getting financially punished.

@LittleMew133

4 ай бұрын

Mentally and emotionally strong people don't run from the truth, for long.

@BlackLion76

4 ай бұрын

At least don't get married to the state..... Yes, there are ways around common law nonsense

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:52 🤥 *Boredom in a relationship often stems from a lack of truth-telling; addressing the underlying causal issue is crucial.* 02:30 🔄 *Sharing personal truths can lead to significant shifts in relationships; it fosters emotional intimacy and genuine connection.* 05:35 😔 *Reliance on scripts and roles in relationships can lead to boredom and loneliness; emotional intimacy is vital to combat these feelings.* 08:19 🌧️ *Emotions are essential for the growth and renewal of relationships; boredom can be a result of stifled emotional expression.*

@Eclectic8

4 ай бұрын

Thanks for this summary. Equally important: @ 06:30 The "full unvarnished truth" is not useful honesty. In fact, to paraphrase, it's usually more about hiding one's vulnerable reality ("I'm upset that the floor is often cluttered") behind judgment ("The truth is that you're a ducking idiot.")

Great advice. Everyone, in every relationship, from business to friendship to intimate partner, should hear this one.

My wife and i are very honest with each other. We are not bored.

In the case of many women boredom is seeking drama and toxic behavior which they view as either a problem to fix or feels like what they are accustomed to and are more comfortable with. You can choose that lifestyle but im tired of society pretending that's an acceptable way of living especially with a family/kids. Its behavior that should be ostracized and should make people uncomfortable. Just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean it's good for you to let alone others.

As a woman, I love this guy so much! I feel like he truly understands me (as he speaks on women) and it is super comforting listening to a man that understands how a woman thinks. Most men do not, you have even taught me things about myself. You are a huge asset to both men and women alike! PS Would also be super cool if there was a female Dr. Orion Taraban we could listen to! 😁

@danbaltic9678

2 ай бұрын

Female version - Sadia Khan

My wife was bored so she secretly found another man with the help of her mother.

@roses6564

4 ай бұрын

You have your answer. You were most probably irretrievably incompatible, life moved on, hopefully to progression. Now it's time for you to find a more compatible woman. Good luck.

@Kamal_AL-Hinai

4 ай бұрын

That's awful. Sorry that happened to you

@doomguy9049

4 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear that bro. I hope the separation wasn’t too painful or costly for you, but in the long run it’s probably better for your peace of mind not to have such selfish, treacherous people in your life: even if you have to pay to be rid of them.

@earx23

4 ай бұрын

At least it wasn't the neighbor.

@carlh3074

Ай бұрын

Haha

This reminds me of American Beauty the charactor that was the honest one throughout the movie and suffered the most in the end. Kevin Spacey the dad his relationships daughter, wife and job. He became transparent with his truth then he just seemed like more alive working out more he was honest with everything he stood in his life. Blessings 💜

@jamescheaye927

4 ай бұрын

Love that film, and you’re totally spot on

@dtothemtothea

4 ай бұрын

So if you’re ready for a Soacey-like outcome (in the movie), proceed with living the truth.

Truer words never spoken. Truth is the lifeblood of intimacy.

I've made a point of telling women the truth my whole life. It's a great way to ensure you don't get into an LTR to begin with. (And therefore? Prevents anyone from getting bored in one with you.)

@Gererostrength

4 ай бұрын

Great minds think alike…this is my default approach to saying

@BlackLion76

4 ай бұрын

Or, you get the LTR you really want as you know right from the get-go if she's compatible with you or not.

@ephraimwinslow

4 ай бұрын

@@BlackLion76 Bro? The woman that reacts favorably to unfiltered truth as a default setting would only be willing to accept it from actual literal mythological Adonis. Any other male who does it will get back nothing but spite. Trust me.

@BlackLion76

4 ай бұрын

@ephraimwinslow Wrong. If she accepts my truth from the get-go, that means she is more willing to get on my program & stay there. A green flag in my book.

@ephraimwinslow

4 ай бұрын

@@BlackLion76 Bro? You're missing the point. The woman who accepts "your truth" (unfortunate phrasing btw) is fictional. She does not exist.

Truth is only valued when it benefits. Never when it punishes.

@Eclectic8

4 ай бұрын

Seems wise... Although I might change the second part to say "seldom when it frightens or angers us." It's more that "unvarnished" (aka obnoxious) truth that feels (and is meant to feel) punishing.

Occams razor - "bored" really means "not living up to [unrealistic expectations]" once the bew relationship energy fades.

lets make it more "fun": start with yourself and have an honest and well meaning chat.

Alice Cooper had the wisdom to sing “I may be lonely, but I’m never alone” in the song “I Never Cry” in the mid 1970s…..never fully understood the idea UNTIL I was married.

A romantic partner is not there for entertain you. As long as the intimate life is satisfying for both parties, there is no such thing as boredom in a relationship.

@sheezy2526

3 ай бұрын

Yeah, u can end up worse off with another partner. It is not like humans have their specifications written on their forehead. One can say it is sunk cost fallacy but compared to the unknown alternative it is still better.

Off course ,to be bored in a relationship, you have to be...in a relationship 😂

@cabot100

4 ай бұрын

Sounds like you may want to start with the relationship you have with yourself.

@petripat5979

4 ай бұрын

@ct4017 what's that supposed to mean

@Xenozillex

4 ай бұрын

@@petripat5979 fancy way of saying being honest with yourself. You will never be in a relationship.

'I'd rather know the ugly truth, than believe in a beautiful lie'!!!!!!!!!!!

@LittleMew133

4 ай бұрын

Truth helps people make "correct" decisions, for those who want to make decisions at all. Lies are for losers who don't wan to make decisions, and just want to pretend everything is sunshine and butterflies.

The SWU interview was just “Wow”. Love the long form discussions.

Too often, saying “I’m bored” is simply a way to put the other person on the defensive. It can be a way to say “I’m bored! Dance for me, monkey!”

@andyfranks1575

4 ай бұрын

This is kinda related to my stance. You and your spouse aren't supposed to be responsible for each other's happiness. You can supplement it, sure, but expectations need to be managed, or at least outlined in the prenuptial agreement. I've never heard vows that included "till bored do us part," though that seems to be the norm nowadays.

It seems not difficult for some of us, but it is hard for most people to tell the truth.

I spoke the truth and she decided to just take off without any cross argument or trying to defend the relationship. It’s the third time. But I can’t live in a lie. It’s just wrong

Why doesn't one of us... tell the other one of us... that one of us...isn't really being ourself; and that both of us already know it?

Once you get a solid one or two long-term relationships through and out of your system-you see the true value in being single.

@davidduncan9201

4 ай бұрын

What happened in your relationship? I did this for four years, also living together, and while there are parts of it I miss, overall I became very bored. I was honest about it and ended up having to get out because I knew it wouldn’t get any better after marriage and kids. Maybe I just wasn’t with the right person.

Very good. Excellent topic and opening the door to some self discovery.

You're absolutely right. However, it's more complex than that. The region you live in, as well as your nationality, plays a major role. Take for example the Midwest. There are a lot of passive/aggressive behaviors that occur. One huge reason for that is its populated with Scandinavians. They may be pleasant to look at with their blonde hair and blue eyes, but their behaviors and beliefs are very passive/aggressive. Why? As a culture they get offended very easily, and they don't like to offend. The result is a lot of behaviors that never really get to the truth. Now cruise over to the east coast and they are going to give it to you straight wether you like it or not. They are very direct in that region. That's why your able to do a video of this nature. What seems obvious and the right thing to do generally never happens.

@doomguy9049

4 ай бұрын

“Minnesota nice” extends even into romantic relationships? It already seems like most people are either too conflict averse or emotionally avoidant to level with each other about what they really want and need in their relationships, I can’t imagine how shallow and unfulfilling a relationship between two overly polite Midwesterners must be if they treat each other that way in private but it sounds miserable. 🥶

@josephskowronski

4 ай бұрын

During my visits to NYC, i do well with meeting women, I like their directness which is also how my personality is, I fit in well there.

@gregprince5283

4 ай бұрын

@@josephskowronskiI'm the same way. I would fit in much better out there.

So tell the truth, the whole truth and everything but the unvarnished truth!

We're all gonna make it brahs

By the way I think this is good advice within the context that Dr. Orion assumes you are still interested in saving your relationship. It's also ok if a person decides they want to dip out of the relationship when they are bored but they should still have an honest conversation about wanting to end it and try to be civilized about it.

I'm an honest person, some might say too honest. I'm direct, others may say blunt. Anyway, I'm in a relationship with someone who would rather not know the truth. Because the truth means having to make an effort, and he just can't be bothered. He cannot stand conflict, so we don't argue. I'm lonely, I'm bored, and I'm suffocating. Thanks for understanding and being truthful, Orion x

Came here expecting "dump them", got a slightly deeper advice instead. That's why I subscribed to this channel. "Start telling the truth" is indeed the best way to make any situation exciting. I am myself going on a strike of truth telling at the moment, not out of boredom, but as a way to counterbalance some unfairness that was laid upon me recently.

@derekhamel2991

4 ай бұрын

Mind elaborating on the scenario? No worries if it's not for public consumption.

Oh wow! I’m experiencing this right now. My girlfriend always plays the victim when we get into serious conversations. I dropped some truths about my previous relationship experiences and she has been down since then.

Sir you have JUST GIVEN ME ARCHIMEDE'S LEVER for the woman of my dreams, who is, as you say, suffocating. Eternal thanks. I need to come back and watch this MASTERPIECE over and over until I can recite it. And what you said extends even into other spheres - like politics. From Paris with love!!!

This is poetry, man.

As a NYer you summed why i hate going back and why I had to get out before I lost my mind.

Ya that will definitely liven things up 😂 in all seriousness, great advice!

This message came right on time!!! Was literally debating what to do about a girl I’ve been dating that has fallen flat… Well, cause controlled drama with the truth! 😂💪🏾 Thanks so much! I’m new to the channel, but I most definitely will be staying!

@cosmictreason2242

4 ай бұрын

Mix it up with blog and mablog or bright hearth if you're open to a Christian angle that is red pill aware

You are touching on something I have had a hard time pinpointing in my own life and blindspots I'm trying to deal with and experiencing in my relationships. I would really appreciate if you could go into detail, make a follow up about the description of the person you said that shares the unvarnished truth (and the reality they live in where they hide behind their kindness) thank you so much for your content, I see a breakthrough coming.

I live in Manhattan and it's very lonely in New York and I never thought you experienced that when you lived in New York because your status was above average being an actor and being part of that world of people etc.

I have a thing where I actually ask my partner what new things he has learnt about me and if hes happy with me and if he wants to stay in a relationship with me... then i have my turn. we explore how we both feel about each other and the relationship every month or two. And if there is anything either one thinks we can do better/ should do differently... I'm going to try maintain this dialogue throughout our relationship having watched your video ❤

The concept of, "one's own truth." Is morally devious, it obscures the objective fact that there is only the truth and that which obscures it. To tell the truth is to acknowledge objective reality.

@roses6564

4 ай бұрын

The concept of one's own truth is crucial to establishing compatibility in a relationship. Relationships are not about some OBJECTIVE Truth. They are about harmonizing the subjective truths of the two partners.

@marktapley7571

4 ай бұрын

@@roses6564 The truth is the truth regardless of wether it is harmonious.

@roses6564

4 ай бұрын

@@marktapley7571 Yes - and the truth of disharmony needs to come out. Then people either do something to come in alignment if they can, or split. There you go. You have your beloved facts and objectivity.

@cal5444

4 ай бұрын

@@roses6564 truth is no subjective, honesty is no subjective you are either telling the truth, or you are lying. Emotions are subjective sharing your emotions is either telling the truth, or lying about how you feel. There is a solid line when it comes to telling the truth, no gray area.

@roses6564

4 ай бұрын

@@cal5444 You're missing the point of the video. When he talks of "one's truth" he refers to the fundamental needs of each partner. If they don't manage to harmonize their differences in a way that makes them both complementary and compatible and enhances well being for both, one partner or both will end up suppressing "their own truth" (meaning who they are at the core - which is unchangeable), just to make the relationship supposedly "work." This has nothing to do with objective truth such as if someone cheated or not. Obviously, that's something objective: did you or did you not. Beneath that objectivity there's an ocean of suppressed needs and fundamental incompatibilities left unaddressed.

With the exception being you cannot do this with the personality disordered .... They can't handle truth

Man, that was something I needed to hear

Very good, I'll use that!

Why did you tell the truth Dr. Orion? Now we have to deal with it!

Your video reminds me of Michael Haneke's movie Caché (2005) ending when the protagonist goes for a nap during the day in his bedroom, after the Algerian made a suicide in front of him. His bedroom had two windows (like two eyes) and he closed the curtains before taking his nap, possibly suggesting the collective denial of truth.

I find this fairly typical of extroverted personalities that once they do get bored for which many don't even wait long enough for there to be an excuse will dispose of relationships without as much as a second thought. In our modern society this leads to a lot of turn over especially when such personalities are spoiled for choice thus relationships are devalued and entirely disposable worse still there is often no real connection to begin with or at least not for very long.

@danbaltic9678

2 ай бұрын

Kinda true. I am extroverted guy and kinda regret how I ended 3/4 of last relationships. Those women were like 7-10 in looks and looks and in terms of character like top 10%. Extroverted people feel before think. And it so often ruins good things.

8:05 Absolutely nailed it Doc !! 🔥🔥🔥

Great insights! Many thanks ☘

I experienced it recently in work related relationship and it lead to unprecedented fruition of my productivity. And I'm about to undergo such process in my personal life.

Remove daily struggle for survival and romantic relationships simply don’t work. None of them.

This is my most favorite episode. By far the funniest 😂

Super practical! Thank you

absolutely right. sometimes one feels unloved but can't accept the truth that he indeed perfectly knows because he's or she's emotionally dependant (loves her for example) so he will rather suffer from her or his unsufficient love than break and no longer see her or him. falling out of love and accepting it without fighting it is a terrible thing to do. the unloved partner will suffer and be unhappy. the bored partner will be unhappy too. it is is neither a good place to be to be with an unloving person or to be with a person you don't or no longer love

😂this video couldn't have come at a better time....thanks

So true about loneliness. I've found that i have no desire to be around ppl with whom i cannot confide in. An exception is if they are entertaining to be around, or i can bounce ideas off of them and get good feedback.

01:00 I almost laughed so hard, I could have spit out my coffee.... "You WON'T be bored, for very long."

Emotion and weather….bringing back Sristophanes clouds

Pure gold!

A good point made re the extent to which one should be honest. In those cases, it might help utilising a way legal thinking mutatis mutandis. That is, when you think you should be honest, you consider: (1) whether there is a legitimate aim; (2) is it 'necessary' to tell the truth to achieve that aim; and (3) is it 'proportionate' (ie are there less intrusive/hurtful ways of conveying it)?

Love this video as usual

Be careful what you wish for.

Very true many people are scared of bringing out the truth because they fear it'll be at the expense of the relationship. - thing is once you conquer this we will have much more real and full filing ones

Please Dr. Taraban cover attachment styles and explain whether they are realistic in modern day dating.

Interesting premise.

That hits hard

I love this video.

Thanks!

I dont normaly post, but this video struck a thread. This concept seems so basic, but it brought me to many revolavtions. Ive strughled with alcohol abuse, and a challenging point for me, has always been that it seemed like my partners were always more atttracted when i was drinking, no matter how much they proclaimed to hate it. They liked the truth, the breakup in monotony, the excitement, but hated the other issues that come with drinking. This leads me to breakthrough number 2. My problem with oversharing. While not covered in this video, i dont know why i do it. But perhaps, with being honest you make yourself vulnerable,, but if i dont want to hurt feelings, i limit myyself to being vulnerable, ie i overshare. Im looking for the same emotional responce to being honest without having the balls to do it

Atta boy Orion!

@psychacks Dr. Taraban, i understand your focus is on bridging the gap between the sexes' perspective on relationships, wouldn't you say though that one's relationship with themselves takes primacy over relationships with others? As such, the points you brought up regarding loneliness in this video are very insightful & helpful in showing how interconnected these aspects are & it would be amazing if you were to do a video or a series even to elaborate on your points regarding loneliness, its root causes, symptoms to look out for, suggested solutions or things you've seen to be helpful in your practice

How can a couple get bored if they have children and they are actually raising their children together and deriving joy out of their children's successes?

@lamarkwilkins6428

4 ай бұрын

Ppl get bored when things in their lives become routine over a span of time. Even when a couple has children they can still become bored with the minutiae of life.

@roses6564

4 ай бұрын

Because a relationship is not just about raising children. Partners have adult needs that they need the other to meet.

@marktapley7571

4 ай бұрын

Women file almost 80% of divorces and the kids are usually weaponized against the man in the gynocentric court system. This does alleviate boredom for the man as he is now compelled to pay an extortionate amount for “child” care. It also alleviates boredom for the ex wife as now she has more money than ever to go after a new simp.

Orion "One-take" Taraban

The truth might get in the way of feeeeelings😅

That which hinders your task IS your task…

Beautiful crisp shirt

Excellent segment! Thank you!

I cannot tolerate willful ignorance. I think that's the worst kind of way to waste away your 1 and only life, in a daze of self and other deceptions to pass the days. Lies lies lies. More lies to cover up your initial lies. At the end, your life is nothing but a series of lies. You have every chance to create meaning yet you leave behind only meaninglessness.

Most men can tolerate boredom in a relationship just fine without going out of their way to cheat as long as they're getting certain needs met. Most women on the other hand....

@el-hp1lj

4 ай бұрын

true man

Boredom in a relationship... I guess, this is why for me this has never happened... being open & honest has always led to issues & being right doesn't mean you Win, most of the time I was hoping to be wrong with my gut feelings... Such is Life

I've never been this early to a video, tq Dr!

Do an episode on what you think about John Delony.

As they say in NY......if you need a friend, then buy a dog. Awful place

This was a really good video. I'm kinda reminded of Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, "Tell the truth, or at least, don't lie". There is an art to telling the truth without brutalizing or insulting people that everyone should know how to do. The relationships you build can also be more meaningful as people will appreciate you for being more authentic rather than superficial.

The idea of “getting bored in relationship” is misunderstood mindset to begin with. The other person is not there for you to entertain you. If you are bored, go find something else to do with yourself.

god bless you

101% True.

so what's with "talking is overrated"? when do we choose to talk?

If my husband told me he’s bored and thinks about wanting an affaire I’d tell him”Bye bye”.

Only boring people get bored. If you don’t find yourself interesting, how can you expect it from others. Codependence will the consequence of looking to others to keep you from boredom.

Imma tell you that im boring on the first date so when you confront me a yr later that i am, imma blow a whistle and yell Flag on da playyyyyyy...

I was gonna suggest leggos or base jumping.

(6:02) Sad but true