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@eatingstraws

Жыл бұрын

FIRST YOUR SO COOL!

@kennysmellsofshite

Жыл бұрын

​@@eatingstraws really

@adamjohnsonstudio7910

Жыл бұрын

@Am I the Genius What was up with story #2? Are you a flat earther? Edit: Nevermind. I Just got to #19. But #2 really does sound like someone arguing *for* the existence of gravity

@eastonrussell7578

Жыл бұрын

What happened with the strikes

@winnerboycards

Жыл бұрын

What game was that in the background

I absolutely love the idea of an “F off” pass once a year. The customer who received it should accordingly be banned from the premises for a year as a punishment.

@thechaoticvideogamer

Жыл бұрын

This could and should also apply to retail workers. Jeez louise, there are entitled people shopping; a free "f off" with theoretical year ban would definitely make lives easier.

@novaflame4812

Жыл бұрын

best policy ever xD, of all the terrible karens the server had to deal with, this would have to be the karen queen to get the annual F off from someone.

@FilosophicalPharmer

Жыл бұрын

Family used to own an RV Dealership. Once witnessed my father take a customer into the room where our customer satisfaction awards were lined up. He told the guy, “Sir, our dealership has a 97% satisfaction rating but I think you belong to the 3% and should find another place to go.”

@ukitkatcello6306

Жыл бұрын

Ngl this is a really neat idea. I don’t swear myself, but I know that a lot of people around, idk that’s just how they roll lol. So I think this would be a good way to discourage customers from being a Karen, and it could allow for some great bonding between coworkers of sharing their “F-off” moments over the years lol. Like I feel like if I ever do make a business and hire employees, I might legit make this a thing or something similar

@lizad8627

Жыл бұрын

There should be a wall with their pics

My friend looked at me dead serious and said "How do you do uppercase numbers??". I started crying I was laughing so hard and when they realized they fell on the floor and started rolling around from pure embarrassment. we had a good laugh out of that one 😭

@sarahprice659

Жыл бұрын

I am pretty sure that thought occurred to me once. Very confusing!

In my high school physics class, the teacher showed a short film where "Isaac Newton" was explaining his three laws. After the film, one girl asked the teacher how, if Isaac Newton had lived in the early 18'th century, he could be in a movie, since movies didn't get invented until 200 years later. The teacher had to spend the next 15 minutes trying to explain this to her, while the rest of us were head down on our desks laughing.

My brain hurts from all the dumb.

I work at a phone store and we get people coming in all the time with water damaged phones. I had a guy yelling at me mad saying “how dare you assume I damaged my phone with water, I’m from the military” where I replied “thank you for your service but I don’t know why that matters in this context” and then I showed him that when you moved his phone you saw the water move.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

I have no idea how that happens these days as most are very water resistant up to certain depths. I still wouldnt want to get water on one if I can help it.

"Jupiter is bigger than the sun. Obviously."

@aLittlebbean

Жыл бұрын

Right. Anyone who doesn't know that is insane lol

@BlitzTheFoxi

Жыл бұрын

@@aLittlebbean cleeeeeeaely

@SolubleParrot9776

Жыл бұрын

@@BlitzTheFoxi um actually its “clärele” not what ever you typed

@BlitzTheFoxi

Жыл бұрын

@@SolubleParrot9776 🤓

I told a telemarketer that I couldn't speak English. She apologized and hung up.

"you can't fly to korea, it's an island" alone gave me two strokes

@Coelacanth_yes

9 ай бұрын

The interesting thing is she got both things wrong Korea is not an island and you can fly to an island

@dannypipewrench533

9 ай бұрын

@@Coelacanth_yes I mean, you probably could not fly to a sufficiently small island, but that is obviously not what she was thinking.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

​@@dannypipewrench533 A chopper will get you there.

About 5 years ago, I saw my friend and his sister walking down the street outside my house, and we got chatting. It was a very hot day, so I invited them in for a cold drink. When I got the ice cube tray out to ice the drinks, my friend's sister said "How do you cut the ice into such smooth cubes to fit in the tray?". Thinking she was joking, I laughed. But she was dead serious. So I said, in disbelief that I was actually having to explain this to a grown adult, "You pour liquid water into the tray and then freeze it". She looked at me like I was speaking an alien language. 10 minutes of agonised explanation later, the truth finally comes out. This woman, in her mid 20s, has absolutely no idea that ice is, in fact, frozen water!

@sammyspliff4640

5 ай бұрын

Holy fuck! What the hell did she think it was????

@jackcarter5101

5 ай бұрын

@@sammyspliff4640 Just some cold substance that appears when the temperature drops to a certain level!

For me it was one of my buddies who said "Half sister, step-sister, same thing" I laughed soooo hard

@swordracer

Жыл бұрын

Sweet home Alabama 😂

@rabbittoes1251

Жыл бұрын

​@@swordracer how

@swordracer

Жыл бұрын

@@rabbittoes1251 half sister is still related

@Deokotaru

Жыл бұрын

@@swordracer LOL!

@rabbittoes1251

Жыл бұрын

@@swordracer oh lol I was half asleep when I commented that

After spending years studying WWII, the brutality of nazi Germany and the final solution, we even met two concentration camp survivors a friend asked: "the nazis... did they hit people?" The history teacher looked ready to flung himself out of the window.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

Id have said "No, but they did EVERYTHING else you can think of, and some you probably dont even have enough imagination for."

Have shared this story before and will undoubtedly will share it again because it was the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. At the time Australia was going through a huge fire season as the land was parched due to drought, lives and property had been lost. Driving down a road flanked by the railway line on one side and a natural bushland area on the other which had high, barb wire topped fencing, I noticed a small amount of smoke curling up among the trees, then saw flames. Having no phone I rushed to nearby shops , less than a minute away to call the fire brigade, deciding to buy some lunch when I was there. Within minutes a fire truck screamed by, someone wondered where they were going so I mentioned that I had called them to a fire in the bush area. I heard a scoff behind me, a woman said she had seen the fire from the train and that it was only a small one so why would I waste the fire dept’s time by reporting it. Her reasoning was that I should have waited until it was bigger before reporting it so the fire dept had something worth their time. Called her an idiot, that area backed onto a school and houses, it didn’t matter how small a fire was, a single match can burn down a house. Drove by a few minutes later, the firemen had put the fire out using hand tools, the truck was still fully equipped to battle any emergency situations.

@xboxoneyes7734

Жыл бұрын

thats like the myth about waiting 24 hours before reporting someone's disappearance Its stupid and Would most likely result in deaths that could have been otherwise avoided

@bromptondevice7685

Жыл бұрын

I was at a nature reserve in the UK during a heat wave and spotted a fire in some dry vegetation. I didn't have a phone but was relieved to see a woman fetch hers out of her pocket. She stood videoing the fire instead of reporting it.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

It doesnt even have to be as big as a match to burn dow an entire forest. Holy hell that lady sounds dumb.

@AmirahJoy

6 ай бұрын

Remember when the airlines used to ask us: Has anyone put anything in your bag without your knowledge?

I worked in my university’s library during my undergraduate years. I cannot tell you how many times I was asked “Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs instead of illustrations?”

There are people who are allergic to raw peanuts but not to all processed peanuts depending on how it's processed. Peanut allergies are from 3 proteins in the nuts and some people are only allergic to one or two of these. These proteins can be altered during the production of peanuts into something a bit different like a butter, oil, etc. which then makes it safe to eat for some people with raw peanut allergies. So these people may not have been lying.

Talking to my son about the pyramids, I said Africa, several times, to which my wife said my daughter was laughing at me, saying its Egypt not Africa. I then had to explain Egypt was in Africa and even Egypt doesn't have the most pyramids in the world.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

Doesnt Egypt have the lowest amount of pyramids, just the most famous.

Mom used to think you had to fill your tires only at the gas station, where something called "air water" was put in it. Dad pointed out you can use an air compressor, and that there is no such thing as air water (the sign said air/water, as in air OR water). She was at least 30

I drove for a trucking company that had a large black cat as a logo, a panther. We pulled into a truck stop in Arkansas and was asked if we really hauled live panthers. I replied that, indeed, we did. Although we hadn’t figured out how to keep them alive in the back of the truck and then walked away.

@matthewprouhet9598

Жыл бұрын

Here's your sign. Listen to Bill engvall. What you are doing reminda me of that.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

​@@matthewprouhet9598 Thats exactly what Bill Engvall does.

"My mom worked at a credit union and had a member ask if she could deposit cash through the mobile deposit." I read this 3 times before I realized "mobile deposit" meant app and not drive through deposit. I could not understand why it wouldn't be a reasonable question.

@avaggdu1

Жыл бұрын

Thank gawd I'm not the only one. I was thinking maybe the mobile deposit was a wheelie bin she'd been "depositing" her money into, like the "out of order" scam. If you're not aware of that, scammers put "Deposit Slot out of order. Place deposits in the box ⬇", then have a "guard" protecting a box outside the bank. People put their cash in the box and the "guard" picks it up an walks away.

@richbenson5538

Жыл бұрын

@@avaggdu1 I had not heard that one! Risky, but definitely effective.

An office lady asked me to move a safe. I told her I couldn't because it weighed 750 kg. She asked me to do it anyway. I didn't bother answering. And btw, PHD really means permanent head damage.

Someone in my Humane Letters (History + Literature) class in high school a few years ago asked... Does an Assault Rifle shoot salt...unironically. I don't think I've ever heard a dumber question, it was...the funniest shit ever lmfao

The way he says "she's a special one" is wholesome. Like, she's a fuckin moron, but I love her.

I used to work at a FroYo shop and the Peanut Butter flavor that said “contains nuts” in very visible half inch block letters. A customer said they were allergic to all nut based products and wanted to know if our peanut butter flavored yogurt was made with nuts. They we’re looking at the sign when they asked. After 60 seconds I realized they weren’t kidding.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

Maybe an illiterate person who happens to know not everything with flavors has the base product inside it (I know thats not the case here but benefit of the doubt).

Anytime I think I'm stupid, I listen to one of these videos.

i have a friend who has some really special moments. im half native american mind you, thats important. we were watching while another friend streamed a pokemon game and he saw the pokemon xatu and said "hey look, its from india like you."...i said "excuse me?" and he said "oh wait, wrong indian, uh...what country is native america in?". let that sentence sink in. my reply was "what do you think the word native means" and i could practically feel his horror when it clicked. he gets mad that i wont let him live that down but how can i?

I told a lady in Georgia that I’m from the nursery capital of the world and she said with a straight face you mean babies..I said or plants 😂😂😂😂

@avaggdu1

Жыл бұрын

Words having more than one meaning is the bane of idiots worldwide. "It's just a theory!" "Yes, but it's a scientific theory"

Story #8: My theory is that she thought it was so busy that if she walked up and made a stupid argument, the bartender would just give her more wine to make her go away. But they stopped to explain, likely drawing the attention of the rest of the bar and embarrassing her for not understanding a simple concept.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

Thats why at restaurants I ask for no ice. Cause I learned early that its not more, its just displaced.

On the grandma that didn't eat peanuts it could be that she had some unknown sensory thing that made eating raw peanuts unpleasant? And didn't have the words to explain it. That doesn't necessarily mean she's a pathological liar.

For the peanut one, I've actually heard stories from people who aren't allergic to peanuts but _claim_ they have a mild allergy because they dislike the texture or taste, and just saying "I'm allergic" gets people to leave them alone about it faster. Obviously that's not what happened in the original post, but it might explain the grandparent liking peanut butter despite an allergy. Moral of the story, if someone says they don't like or can't have a specific food, don't push it.

This is easily the most painful thing I have ever listened to.

My brother was allergic to peanuts. Someone in school once tried to give him a PB&J sandwich (knowing he was allergic to peanuts) because they seriously did not understand peanut butter is made from peanuts. 🤦‍♀️

My dad was in college, he was sent to Alaska as part of the marine science program. One of his fellow cadettes said "I'm looking forward to visiting Alaska because I can't wait to see a penguin!"

@RaineMcLean

Жыл бұрын

BRO BAHAH-

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

Im sure theres zoos in Alaska too. But then whatever city he was in has a zoo with penguins too.

I once knew a guy absolutely convinced that seedless watermelons were created by cutting a regular watermelon in half, picking out the seeds, and gluing the halves back together. Could not be convinced otherwise.

@matthewprouhet9598

Жыл бұрын

/He's many steps ahead. He thinking of 3d printed food./ Seriously though, that would be an amazing prank to pull off!

Someone I knew really thought saying: "empathy and pity are the same thing" was okay.

I was an exchange student in Germany. There was this american girl who told me she tried to learn german by trying to remember how she learned english, her mother tongue. She was dead serious. I am finnish and we have to study english and swedish at school so I had an idea how to learn a new language. I understand it's different if you are american but german was her major in college. I can't understand how she managed to continue her studies when she only spoke elementary level german and she clearly had no idea how to learn a language.

@JayLeeBeanz

Жыл бұрын

By "trying to" remember, no less. Made me chuckle. No wonder when it's something that started when you were an infant with no developed memory yet. This makes elementary school level sound quite advanced for her, actually. Whole sentences and all. I hope. x_x

@annarantanen3813

Жыл бұрын

@@JayLeeBeanz Well I spoke english with her so I can't really tell, all I know she wasn't comfortable using german in shops etc but at least she tried so she must have had some idea what to say.

@dude988

Жыл бұрын

To be fair, I had French and English at school for years. Didn't learn a thing, had bad grades etc. I was mostly confused by the way we moved through the grammar. Why do I need to know what a past tense present perfect is? A year or two after I graduated from school I started reading stories in English on my laptop with google translate open in a second tab. I translated every word I didn't know and my vocabulary grew. Then tv shows with subtitles, getting a feeling for the language. Now I'm fluent, can think in English without translating it and had classes in English at Uni. For me that natural way of learning works best. My next language to learn is Swedish, I already bought the Harry Potter books and audio books. Guess I'll start that project when procrastinating my masters thesis ;)

@annarantanen3813

Жыл бұрын

@@dude988 I agree language classes often concentrate too much on grammar and if you don't use the language outside of the classroom you probably won't learn a thing. My brother was a gamer in early 2000's and that's why he graduated from high school with best grades possible in english, and now it's his work language. But the girl I mentioned literally tried to remember how she learned to speak as an infant and that's just bizarre.

@kelf114

Жыл бұрын

@@annarantanen3813 Grammar is more important than you give it credit for. Grammar is the rules of structure. You need structure in language. Any language. And understanding language structure is key to learning any language.

In a Discord conversation, someone asked about my accent and I explained that I'm German. His reply: "You're a nazi for saying that because Germany doesn't exist anymore." He said that to my face, and he was dead serious. Why? He believed that after WW2, Germany was disbanded and the territory shared among the allied forces. The nazis won't accept this and they're trying to reinstate Germany, so they make up fake IDs and documents and stuff and claim they're from a country that, in truth, no longer exists. Apparently my whole life is a lie.

@sofiabosco7892

Жыл бұрын

Besides Hitler was an Austrian painter/dictator also why are people so dumb? I once had an argument with a flat earther so... Yeah

@Sikaz5119

2 ай бұрын

𝔚 𝔗 𝔉!?

I worked on a small job site where we were building a French drain, most of my crew buddies were idiots, fools or just plain lazy. As we finished diggings around the house, we started to dig out the the drain. Half way through the yard, we all heard a faint clang sound and as soon as the line came out “we’ve hit a rock sir” nearly every man on the site grabbed a hammer or pickaxe (the rock in question was roughly the size of an overgrown watermelon). After a solid 30 minutes of these boys trying to smash this rock with their strength led to barely a crack (this was because the yard was faintly wet from a few days ago and made of dirt, any impact made by these bozo’s was dispersed into the ground). So when the boys walked away, I grabbed a pickaxe, and swung it underneath the rock. With a heave and a ho, I felt it loosen, some of the smarter boys realized what I was doing and grabbed shovel’s and picks to dig around it. Then Mickey came walking up (Mickey isn’t his real name), Mickey asked if he could help us, I said “sure, do you need a tool?” He waves me off and does reach for the pickaxe, shove or hammer? NO HE REACHES FOR THE FRESHLY BOUGHT AXE! The one we’ve been using to chop roots, and what does he do with this axe? He swings it like a hammer on to the rock trying to break it like a Neanderthal! He got 3 swings before I yanked the axe out of his hands and yelled at him “What the fuck are you doing, WHY ARE YOU USING A WOOD AXE TO BREAK STONE!?” And what he said next I still remember all these years later “*Its a tool, a tool for any other job*” What pissed me off is that Mickey had this constant face of “I don’t know where I am and I don’t care”, he was lazy, a dick and just plain around stupid.

@bromptondevice7685

Жыл бұрын

Mickey wasn't the boss's nephew, was he?

@jackmack4181

Жыл бұрын

@@bromptondevice7685 not even closely related, my boss is of the mentality “if you work, you get rewarded, if you do nothing, you get nothing”

@KnakuanaRka

10 ай бұрын

Sounds like the real tool there is Mickey.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

​@@jackmack4181 Dude where can I find that job?

@Superkid33

5 ай бұрын

My dad didn’t get much sleep and literally said to me “a triangle has three squares” and he was totally serious about it XD (instead of “a triangle has 3 sides). Since I was doing geometry and he got reminded of a kids song or something

I remember my chemistry teacher telling a story of this year 11 kid (15-16 Yr old) who thought eggs that chickens lay and eggs from the store were 2 different things When he explained to the kid that no they are the same thing the kid apparently looked like he was going to throw up and overall extremely disturbed

@sleepykittyMMD

Жыл бұрын

the only difference is the store ones are unfertilized so I suppose thats something. but i highly doubt that woulda made him feel better 😅

@melissacooper8724

Жыл бұрын

Before I learned that the eggs in the grocery store are unfertilized I used to think I'm eating an unborn chicken!

@sleepykittyMMD

Жыл бұрын

@@melissacooper8724 ikr? i used to think that too, there was a time when i was afraid to crack open an egg to make scrambled eggs because i thought i'd crack one, and one day a half formed baby chicken would kinda slurp out of it 0-0 the only reason i thought that was because some eggs have a white strandy bit in it, and i read that those in fertilized eggs are the start of an umbilical chord. 0-0

@melissacooper8724

Жыл бұрын

@SleepyKitty My mom told me that if the egg had blood in it when you cracked it, that usually meant the egg was fertilized. We only came across that when we got some eggs from a neighbor that raised chickens one time. After that we get our eggs at the grocery store.

@dimitrescu182

Жыл бұрын

​@@sleepykittyMMD in my country they actually sell boiled fertilized duck eggs and you actually eat the half formed duckling.

Years ago when I worked at McDonalds, a customer asked me, “how much are your 30 cent cones?” . . . ah! . . . 30 cents!

@avaggdu1

Жыл бұрын

That's actually a fair question. If you doubt me, go to Poundland (or whatever dollar store equivalent you have) and see how much is $1 or less.

During the lock-down my husband's niece, a school teacher, 😂 "yeah" said, when the number of cases in our county kept going up every day, "well, the numbers will stop rising if they'll quit counting!". I told her that no they wouldnt stop rising that we just wouldn't know how high they were, but she was totally comfused and didn't get it.

After telling a boy at my lunch table in school that I was vegetarian: "So can you eat steak?"

people in my school claim that breaking someone’s glasses is considered sexual harassment.

I actually understand the thought processes of these thoughts

My sister, who has been to veterinary school and is a college graduate, was flabbergasted when I told her my dog has asthma and had breathing problems and she looked me dead in the eye and said "wait, Asthma can cause breathing problems?" 😑

@karlzaunbrecher8241

Жыл бұрын

Please tell me that the reason she "has been" to veterinary school is because she flunked out

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

​​@@karlzaunbrecher8241 She probably passed. Cant say whether or not youd be surprised how many idiots get degrees. Im not super surprised though with the way you said it. Asthma is breathing problems, so saying has asthma and breathing problems could have simply confused her. Nobody is perfect (though its 90% probably just idiocy).

My aunt after finding out I was an atheist "YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN SCIENCE! SCIENCE CAN'T BE PROVEN!"

@xboxoneyes7734

Жыл бұрын

"Hmmm yes,Then where's the proof that Your Lord and Savior exists?"

@avaggdu1

Жыл бұрын

If you include everything theists say that are dumb but they're 100% serious, this video would be days (if not weeks) long.

@Azurious

9 ай бұрын

Ngl I think she's onto something '*starts to float away with the power of God and not science*'

@dannypipewrench533

9 ай бұрын

As someone who does believe in God, the funny part about this is that the whole point of Christianity and many religions in general is that you are not supposed to need proof of God or whatever concepts there are otherwise, but instead have _faith_ in the ideas. That believing is what achieves the goals. Now, obviously, I am not telling you to believe in God, but this comment just made me laugh. Side note: I follow science far more than any aspect of religion, but again, like I said, the two occupy different realms. Science is for the physical world of objective concepts that can have evidence gathered, religion is for the non-physical world of subjective concepts that cannot be proven. In my mind, they do not conflict because they do not overlap. Admittedly, my views of religion are also quite different than the more avid followers.

Situation: Worked at a battery plant, the company had 2 plants on opposite sides of town. Batteries use a glass mat paper to keep positive and negative plates from touching each other. Plant I was at ran out of glass mat paper, other plant had some. Told my employees to go on break as we were having a truck bring some over. That is when Carolyn asked me "If it is just paper can't they just fax it over?" I nearly died trying to come up with a polite response, I ended up glaring at her for 10 seconds, shook my head, and walked off

I live in a town with a lot of bears and this lady bought a bear spray can. That was a good idea but she thought the bear spray works like bug spray so she sprayed her kids with bear spray. What the hell

@jimsteele9975

Жыл бұрын

Make's perfect sense to me! Bet no bears got close to them.....nor anyone else!

@mcintoshmixter6454

Жыл бұрын

@@jimsteele9975 I might remind you now that they all suffered from eye damage from capsaicin in the eye (I think I spelled that wrong but idc

I knew a pathological liar who said his dad was dead then said his dad was a spy then said he was an opera singer. He about nine at the time.

Went through the worst flood in 500 years. The typical unthinking response from outsiders, "when it rains, it pours." So many chagrined looks when they realize what they've said.

“…’Early’ is ‘On Time’, ‘On Time’ is ‘Late’, ‘Late’ is ‘Left Behind’!”. I’m well aware that the military says this, but I was working a civilian job.

I just remembered the time the class clown asked what we'd need to do if squirrels came into the class and laid bombs. After the teacher answered it(Idk exactly what it was) someone asked, 100% serious, "What if the squirrels hide the bombs in nuts?" The whole class was laughing. And it didn't sound like she was joking. She sounded 100% serious.

In middle school science we were checking heart rates and my friend went "I cant find my pulse! Does that mean im a vampire?" That same class had a kid ask "Can it snow underwater?"

A coworker swore that the figures on Mount Rushmore included; Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Reagan. And stuck to his conviction even after our young waitress laughed while trying to correct him.

@christopherdean1326

3 ай бұрын

You should worry, my brother thought the faces had appeared naturally. he was quite surprised when I told him they had been carved by humans. Funny thing is, he's not really stupid, he holds down a decent job as a bookkeeper, and has an IQ well above average. Sometimes I suppose, a person will get an idea that covers all the observed facts about something quite unimportant to life in general, and just never bother to question it.

I'm not sure how many brain cells I just lost listening to people's stupidity but on the bright side I got some laughs.

I legitimately burst out laughing at the chickenella :D

I worked for a bank and a customer once asked us to verify a transaction on her account and when we told her it was her AAA membership, she asked us how to spell it....

One girl I know who got dumped: "If my ex BF is bi, why did he leave me for her rather than another man?" Like she doesn't know the definition of bisexual.

One time I saw someone type "salmon vanilla" and I want my breath back

A person told me a groundhog is a pig who lives underground. That same person even brought up a picture of LazerPig as proof of that. He said that’s why the ground is torn up all the time. My cousin who was a zoologist damn near had a stroke. While I nearly had an aneurysm wondering what LazerPig had to do with anything.

High school English teacher told the students all rivers flow north or south like the Nile or Mississippi. All the local rivers flow west.

my friend once told me chicken aint chicken if it has bread

We used to keep a book of dumb quotes at work, things like "Oh! The Parthenon - is that near the Apocalypse? (Acropolis)". My own entry into the book was (on seeing an advert for a child's bed for sale in the local newspaper) "A 2'6" bed!!! Who'd buy one of those - a midget?!" (apologies to people with dwarfism). It didn't occur to me that the bed was 2'6" wide, not 2'6" long.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

Thats actually not as stupid as it sounds. Nobody is perfect.

@avaggdu1

7 ай бұрын

@@jaredcrabb Kind of you to say, but there was definitely a brain disconnect going on that 2 seconds of thought wouldn't rectify. A little humility never hurt anyone.

Former Vet Tech I’ve heard some shit. my dog doesn’t need heartworm or flea medication because I live in a gated community… I wasn’t aware that mosquitoes and fleas were polite enough to mind fences 😒

Both my Uncle and my Aunt (his wife) got oral cancer but said it was not "for sure caused by smoking after, for my entire life, mocking the Surgeon General warning. Now he is missing part of his tongue and she lost her entire lower jaw.

I live in Finland and I've been asked so often whether Lapland is a real place, or if reindeer are real. And "how do you deal with the wild polar bears?" And those are only if the person asking actually knows where Finland is and that it's a country on it's own.

@xboxoneyes7734

Жыл бұрын

id ask you if you ever saw a Reindeer fly Because you know, Santa's Magic reindeers kinda does

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

"Reindeer" are in fact real. Theyre called Caribou.

I was in Science at school, and we were learning about photosynthesis and how plants need sunlight to survive. Our teacher said that if the sun disappeared all the plants would die due to no light, and this boy across from me went, "No, we have the moon!" This was the same kid who was convinced that women had Adam's apples, and also that women peed period blood.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

The Adams Apples they technically do, as its proper name ia the Larynx. Its just smaller, so not visible (yes I know Adams Apple refers to the size, but its still the Larynx).

"How is it, when you boil an egg, the shell gets so soft?" My ex Finacee while eating devilled eggs i had made for Easter.

For context, I use to be homeless for 3 years and last year, I was finally able to get a roof over my house(staying at a friend's house). Even though I was working while homeless, I didn't have much money. Well, several months go by and I tell my friends I want to finally save some money so i afford certain things like a car and one my friends has the audacity to say "why are you saving money for?". I had the biggest face palm in my life.

@jaredcrabb

7 ай бұрын

"Um, maybe cause Im homeless and not trying to live with you forever."

"Do you live in a 2 story igloo?" Lived in Alaska on vacation in Florida, at the hotel pool.. #2 Woman stood up at Military briefing on our battalion move from Texas to Hawaii to ask "When do we get our passports?" She was a college student at the time 3rd year, she convinced me I was intelligent enough for college..

My friend and his wife were on a cross country drive. The wife spots the "Welcome to Iowa" sign. She imidiately asks her husband if that was where they hold the Kentucky Derby. This was 20 yraslrs ago, and every May, we gather so we can view the "Iowa Derby" with her.

I was in the army and during the gulf war I was advance party( go ahead of main unit , secure area , check for chemical weapons) while securing the area for the unit( 198 howitzers and support) we came under attack from a small republican guard mortar unit. There were some injuries ( before 2 a-10s came in and dealt with the mortar units) my gamma goat ( 6 wheeled vehicle) was hit seconds after I got out for cover ( not much in the desert. I was close enough to get hit with the blast. I got up and was helping others when one told me I need a medic. He picked up a broken mirror and showed me. My right side of face from jaw to ear was covered in blood and looked like a truck hit it( found out later mandible to skull on that side had been fractured and most hearing gone on the right side ) the medic came up to me after helping the others and literally asked me "Are you hurt?" .

@xboxoneyes7734

Жыл бұрын

"Nah,Im just practicing my ability of bleeding on command"

@1969chgoodwin

Жыл бұрын

@@xboxoneyes7734 I didn't have anything good to say , I was standing there looking at him with the " did you just ask that " look. He was a damn good medic and shot me up with so much that I don't remember anything after they picked us up until I woke up in Landstuhl Germany .

@xboxoneyes7734

Жыл бұрын

@@1969chgoodwin Ok fair enough It was Probably a reflex or smth

My friend told me that PHD stood for Pretty Huge Di** and I believed it

@RileyScritchfield-wj6uf

Жыл бұрын

Lol

@alerzex6921

Жыл бұрын

@@RileyScritchfield-wj6uf Lol

@sofiabosco7892

Жыл бұрын

I bet he doesn't have one

@RileyScritchfield-wj6uf

Жыл бұрын

@ Sofia Bosco you really hit him with the. BOOM ROASTED

@sofiabosco7892

Жыл бұрын

@@RileyScritchfield-wj6uf I'm good at roasting people

A guy sat across the table from me and seriously asked "If there's no god, where does the wind come from?" I swear, a forty year old man...

'gravity affects my right leg more than it does my left leg' **yeah that works**

I once overheard a girl at a mall shout "HOW DO THEY KNOW WHERE WE ARE?!" She and another(visibly embarrassed) girl were at one of the layout maps. You know...the ones with the "you are here and an arrow pointing to where that particular layout map is.

Great to see you making videos again!

I once had someone explain the "speed of money" me. His explanation had absolutely nothing to do with money, finance, economic theory, or even common sense.

THE LEGEND IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was introducing myself to some people as the new guy at a university, in the US, and told them I am from Brazil. One of the girls, a university student mind you, replied "Oh cool, that's in Spain right?" My home state in Brazil, Bahia, alone is larger than the entire country of Spain. I think I felt my brain momentarily blue-screen when I heard that. She tried to backtrack her statement saying she thought I said "Barcelona", nobody there believed her and we never let her live it down.

"Sunlight doesn't come from the Sun."

My cousin in third year French called me up and asked me (who has never taken French) (phonetically) "what does hor de vours mean"? I asked "you mean ourdervs?" "oh, yeah. 'click'.

It's a tie between: "The world is flat" and "evolution is just a theory."

So glad you're back that so totally awesome!!!

I had a lady argue with me that the term "Yiddish" is a derogatory term.

I used to carry a milk jug of Ice to work and drink from it as it thawed in the summer heat. A coworker told me he liked the idea but couldn't figure out how I got the ice in the jug.

Dude once asked me, "Did the 1800s actually exist"

@Sikaz5119

2 ай бұрын

STOP IT IM LOSING TO MANY BRAINCELLS!

is mayonnaise an instrument

I kid you not. At work, I drove a Ford van that had Braille on the steering wheel control buttons.

Chickenella will always be funny

If it's not been said before, 'Donegal' not 'Dongle'

I'm British, and was on holiday in Europe during the 2008 crisis when the pound was almost at par with the euro. I was in a country where the currency was pegged to the euro, a bit before they formally adopted it. I was two days in and already having to watch what I was spending because of the currency fluctuations. I was on the bus to my next town -- I like backpacking with a suitcase -- and looking out the window at the road sign distance to the destination. I caught myself thinking 'I wonder what the mile to kilometre exchange rate is today?' in all seriousness...and then realized what I'd thought and kicked myself so hard my shins were never the same again... (And the glass will be fuller once the ice melts...of watered down wine! (My mum had the 'peanut allergy' issue with scampi. Scampi is supposedly made with prawns, since 'scampi' is Italian for prawns. But she can't eat prawns without coming out in fifty different kinds of rashes and throwing up all night. However, she CAN eat scampi...because most scampi sold in the UK is fish, monkfish tail to be exact, that simply resembles prawn. (I love both fish and prawns, the latter because they're so quick to cook if they're small so I can do a stir fry quickly with them. I asked my mum whether they'd count as fish during Lent...and she said that she thought they did, and for her, eating prawns would definitely be a penance! So for Good Friday I cooked King Prawn Alfredo...and ate the lot myself.)

I once told someone a riddle it was "If a Red house is made of red bricks and yellow houses made of yellow bricks what is a greenhouse made of" (Glass) They looked me dead in my eyes and said green bricks and I said no its glass haha the stared at me again and reputed lower NO ITS MADE OF GREEN BRICKS

My step brother once asked why they had two world wars and didn’t just get all the fighting out the way in one war

Someone asking me about how a fish could possibly live for 100 million years. We were having a discussion about living fossils but she thought we were talking about one individual fish not the species.

My history high school professor told us nowadays EVERYONE on earth believes LITERALLY on the same god, even if they name it differently

@thereareantsbehindyoureyes7529

Жыл бұрын

That sounds more like a philosophical argument more than anything, as one can argue the concept of one true god represented through monotheism and polytheism

@BBMc107

Жыл бұрын

For monotheistic religions, this is true. If you believe in one God, then no matter what you know him/her by, it is the same God for everyone. This is logic, not philosophy.

@InfectedMoo

Жыл бұрын

@@BBMc107 this is absolutely 100% false. Not all monotheistic religions worship the same God, which is clearly evident by the variation in the specific God’s commands.

@Angel-rq3pi

Жыл бұрын

Go take a logic class. That's not logic. That's a simplistic assumption.

@fajaradi1223

Жыл бұрын

​@@Angel-rq3pi Why would you take a logic class for a random religious statement?

these are basically my life in a nutshell

13:00- that is such a big problem even among airline employees in the US that airlines will give them cards listing places such as New Mexico, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico that count as being within the US/US territory and therefore do not require a passport to travel to or from there. My brother, who is from Brazil, works at an international airport and is still sometimes shocked that he has a better grasp of what places are actually part of the US than his US born coworkers.

A kid in my school once said that her mom quote on quote said "'People pee on coins lying on the ground, so dont pick them off of the ground.'" I swear to god this is why we don't raise stupid people...

@erinmalone2669

3 ай бұрын

That’s a pretty good tactic to keep kids from touching dirty things on the ground. I don’t really think she believed people peed on them but it’s definitely a possibility. Money is filthy.

I’ve had disney guests ask where Universal attractions were

lol the onion one was pretty funny, but in a way you are supposed to peel that off even if it isnt a wrapper