What do you consider an emotionally-healthy childhood? Let us know in the comments below or on our app: itunes.apple.com/gb/app/the-school-of-life/id1182058270?mt=8

@tiggytheimpaler5483

6 жыл бұрын

The School of Life don't let them change their gender?

@user-md7zh4tp9w

6 жыл бұрын

Tig TV fcbc

@akanshasrivastava5318

6 жыл бұрын

The School of Life A healthy childhood for me would have been when I did not compare myself with others.

@aagantuk7370

6 жыл бұрын

A n d r o i d please

@mochifuzzy

6 жыл бұрын

I consider an emotionally healthy childhood is having emotionally healthy parents or carers to begin with. If we don’t overcome our childhood traumas or our parents shortcomings we may end up just like them, causing a cycle of unhealthy behaviors and immaturity. Thank you School of Life for these wonderful videos and helping to break the cycle.

Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome.

@Drako1777

6 жыл бұрын

Really though, I feel like that’s been my state of mind for most of my life

@bolivar1789

6 жыл бұрын

Very well said! Thank you for sharing.

@xyirx

6 жыл бұрын

Just let go. Thank the adversity and experience. And embrace who we have become. :)

@_s_4412

6 жыл бұрын

@Natawat I agree, but it's not always a conscious process when our childhood wounds are triggered, which we are not even aware of.

@voiceovers7080

5 жыл бұрын

S. M. Hell to the yeah

seriously, don't have kids unless you're prepared to do everything to nurture, care for physically and emotionally, and help them grow into the best person they can be.

@atlantabaruah

6 жыл бұрын

Juliana I would like to have kids when I grow up but then again, I don't wish to pass these fucked up genes to anyone.

@drowsybunny7179

6 жыл бұрын

Sadly that doesn’t happen very often, but I agree with you. If you aren’t prepared to do what it takes to take care of a child then you shouldn’t have one.

@simonkollecker3425

6 жыл бұрын

That's an interesting opinion. Do you prefer not existing to existing with moderately caring parents? In addition, I think, perhaps no one on this earth would be allowed to have children according to you...

@christina9828

6 жыл бұрын

yeah.. i wish my dad would've thought about this before he had 4 kids. he wasn't even there for us and there was constant emotional and sometimes physical abuse. he didn't know anything about having kids and now i'm upset i'm even here

@eminem252525

6 жыл бұрын

Atlanta Baruah Well its too easy to have kids....

To the ones who didn't have an emotionally-healthy childhood: Time to learn how to give all that good stuff to yourself. I believe in us 🤟

@alicemuguet6947

6 жыл бұрын

veridian roots This is comforting

@harshalshinde227

6 жыл бұрын

i love u

@vaibhav.234

5 жыл бұрын

Yes. To us and also to the future children. (:

@scosta87

5 жыл бұрын

❤️

@austinruiz

5 жыл бұрын

i’m crying. i love this bc i used to feel sorry for myself and thought this sucks, i’ll never be able to change but i’ve been working really hard to change and i’ll keep trying

Most people I know (including me) didn't have a stable "healthy childhood". Maybe it would be better if society gave more attention to teaching good parenting, because most parents have children without being prepared to raise a child. No one thinks about this kind of stuff, honestly.

@paoloantoniozambranamagri1405

6 жыл бұрын

CrazyJimmi9 I know right? Society puts a huge weight in things like sex and family, but almost nothing about taking care of a children. Couples dream about having kids of their own, but they don't understand that they are human beings and won't behave the way the plan or desire. And that's without touching upon unexpected pregnancy. And that's why I'm pro-abort (as long as it is done before a certain time of development, of course)

@paoloantoniozambranamagri1405

6 жыл бұрын

CrazyJimmi9 yep, you're right. I think if there was more attention in healthy child care, then we could prevent many problems for the future of everyone and create a more healthy adulthood too.

@paoloantoniozambranamagri1405

6 жыл бұрын

CrazyJimmi9 oh god, don't even start with mental illness, as both someone who enjoys psychology and someone who has suffered from mental illness, it's so stigmatized it's almost never accurately represented. And yeah, nice talking with you! Have a great day/night, friend!

@danieldemonteverde7719

6 жыл бұрын

I think the solution to this problem all sums up to the evident need of a more emotionally intelligent society. If only people were a little more conscious of their strengths, flaws and thoughts, problems like this would be far easier to address and solve, especially in times in most people's lives where they feel a strong pressure to have kids.

@nursejennyk40

6 жыл бұрын

Paolo Zambrana probably because this stuff is bullshit

My parents were raised in Hell yet never used that as an excuse to neglect me. They gave me the very best they could, thanks Mom and Dad!

@serafinaobi

4 жыл бұрын

Swishy Wow this made me optimistic about my future!

@mayanacharles4204

4 жыл бұрын

You are the exception

@CraftsmanShengCanweget10KSubs

3 жыл бұрын

awwwww

@Hmy87

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for saying that My parents use their childhood as an excuse and claim they’ve given us the best life that anyone could ever dreamed off But this didn’t set well with me because I see parents who haven’t the best life .. no education or money but they so kind to their kids and to the society..

@CDines

3 жыл бұрын

It's usually the family that "has it all" that are the most broken

The world would definitely be a better place if children got the childhood they deserve.

@dasmorbo3508

4 жыл бұрын

@carolina hernandez Nonsense. It is doable. Main problem is, that our materialist, capitalist societies distort people into believing other things matter more than love. It sounds corny, but taht is the conclusion I got to. I had therapy for 3 years to battle a serious mental issue (sucsessfully I might ad). There I learned that healthy, happy societies are possible but that our western governments steer societies into exactly the opposite direction: materialism, seeing everyone else as competition (with everything it entrails), self-centeredness as a virture, etc, etc.

@mathsisdeadtomenow

4 жыл бұрын

@@dasmorbo3508 You're very right.

@catfishsensei4306

3 жыл бұрын

@@dasmorbo3508 never make someone else the source of your happiness.

@alonespirit_1Q84

2 жыл бұрын

Indeed..

Please make videos on how to unlearn a bad childhood and reparent oneself with genuine compassion. For teenagers and young adults, it may not be too late. Like if you agree.

@bolivar1789

6 жыл бұрын

Hello there! They have a video called " ´How to parent yourself". I thought it was very helpful. If you wish, just take a look at it. Best wishes!

@myhops

5 жыл бұрын

Meditation is very useful for this. There have been studies showing that within 8 weeks of daily meditation, the grey matter of your brain will start to physically change. It's like overriding the old patterns from childhood to make new ones that are more relevant and beneficial to the way you see the world now.

@Magpie.Marrow

4 жыл бұрын

Altair Evercroft we didn’t ask to be born. We’re just here. And now I’m lost.

@missme4862

4 жыл бұрын

@@myhops what Kind of meditation?

@myhops

4 жыл бұрын

@@missme4862 The general term is mindful/deep breathing meditation. It's when you separate from your mind and ego by bringing your awareness to your breath. You start to see your thoughts through an unbiased perspective because all of your awareness goes to your breath rather than your rational mind. Doing this consistently will bring your point of view to a much more clear and centred state. It's like wiping the dirt off of your windscreen so you can see the road for what it is, not being blocked by the bugs that hit it long ago. After a meditation session, this clear state of mind will continue throughout the day. The more often you meditate, the cleaner your windscreen will stay. Many times when we experience trauma, we hold on to it and our views of. Meditation helps release that and integrate the experience instead of being stuck with the way it made you feel at the time and after it happened. There are many meditation videos on KZread. You can start with guided meditations and work your way into unguided. It's pretty hard at first but you will get the hang of it. I personally like "The Honest Guys" guided meditation videos.

I can't finish the video, it hurts too much to hear all that. It sounds like an impossible fairytale. I can't understand how some people have that kind of upbringing. The world must be a completely different place to you.

@Cajek2

6 жыл бұрын

I hate to say this but don't react to others' happiness by being bitter and jealous: focus on how to make yourself a more stable person instead

@silvervixen007

6 жыл бұрын

I know someone. He is the most accepting person I've ever known and honestly changed my life

@Dares9

6 жыл бұрын

I did't mean to come off as bitter or jealous. I'm happy there are people who had childhood like that! I was simply recognizing my own pain, and how awful it is it seems like a fairytale to me, when it is just a reality for some. I'm in the process of trying to find the love I wasn't given, but it's very hard.

@Cajek2

6 жыл бұрын

Ah - OK sorry about that Rhys

@rishaa682

6 жыл бұрын

self love is the key

Therapist: Your child’s depression is from childhood neglect and abuse. Mom: I guess I treated her too well. Me:

@escapistreader3860

4 жыл бұрын

Same story

@ThePenquinX

4 жыл бұрын

My mother has said that she looks at the bad now, and has thinks she went too easy.

@itsgiving9393

4 жыл бұрын

@@ThePenquinX same

@KathwithaK

4 жыл бұрын

Omg that is literally what my mum says to me

@emmanuelbosselman6152

4 жыл бұрын

I relate

Next up, maybe talk about how to be that emotionally healthy caregiver?

@Gtheddy

6 жыл бұрын

I think they just did

@me0101001000

6 жыл бұрын

Not directly. If they'd break it down for me so I won't screw anything up, I'd love that. I want to have a kid someday. I want to minimise mistakes. I think everyone who wants to have kids needs a direct, broken down, tutorial.

@Catsenui

6 жыл бұрын

Aku theres no right way to raise a kid. You can't read a article and think "this is perfect ill never make a mistake with my child ever". You'll make mistakes thats a given. What you need to do as a parent is love your child let them know they are worth it. Tell them talk to them make sure they're okay. That's what makes a good parent.

@AnaMaria-ww4iy

6 жыл бұрын

Aku I've had to do alot of research to learn how to become that person. Reading books, working on my own tramas, and taking care of myself by eating well and sleeping all are very important. I also go to therapy once a week and take antidepressants but I'm unsure if you feel you need that too. The book I found most helpful is "No Drama Discipline" by Daniel T Seigel. It's $10 on Amazon and if you like workbooks there's a work book that goes along with it. I'm unsure if you feel like you have issues controlling your emotions (I know anger is an issue for alot of parents, sadness and anxiety could be examples too) I found DBT, dialectical behavioral therapy, to be literally life changing. There's workbooks, KZread videos, articles, books or you could see a therapist to learn more. I hope I helped ☺

@voiceovers7080

5 жыл бұрын

Aku by calling an exorcist and Having a session before getting pregnant

"Comply or nobody will love you" reminds me of my mother.

@bec5250

2 жыл бұрын

Yep mine too.

I am blessed with parents who were very loving. They married late in life, so I believe they had time to get their yaya's out. We were wanted and they constantly told us that we were their whole world and nobody was more important to them. My mom's side of the family was very large and everyone participated in raising her. My dad had a horrific childhood and he made a promise to himself that his children would never have to endure what he went through. I only heard my parents argue once and I was in my late 30's. I was usually the only kid out of my friends that had both my parents living together. All my life, my friends had to deal with their parents divorcing or having issues with their step-parents and some of them even had to tolerate sexual abuse. My heart goes out to those who feel broken. I hope you can do what my dad did and learn from it and not pass down the horrific things that you had to go through. RIP Mom and Dad!

@angelaatwood46

4 жыл бұрын

Khataroo wow

@Ursaminor31

4 жыл бұрын

Amazing. Please pass on the goodness

@bellaangel4606

4 жыл бұрын

That’s amazing! I feel the same way about my kids they bring me so much happiness.. sure it’s hard at times as I am a single mom but just watching them grow is the best gift of all. ❤️

@kriyab4071

3 жыл бұрын

This is such a beautiful message, thank you for sharing, I am in tears! Bless you!

@SnowKat-mn9qh

3 жыл бұрын

Same thing happened to my dad, he had a really bad childhood and swore to be a better father than the one he had. It gives me hope to know that even with a horrible start to life, people can still overcome that and become better than the hand they were dealt.

I always knew my childhood was bad, but Jesus... it was like the opposite of everything good you said.

@SweetLilWren

6 жыл бұрын

ÆRational i know right, i used my childhood as a map of what not to do with my children, that worked out much better

@Aerational

6 жыл бұрын

Yeah I'm just not going to have kids.

@marielcarey4288

6 жыл бұрын

Unless you want a heap of work forever find a love, if you both truly love each other then you both can do some things that wouldn't be possible for parents.

@faizajafar5075

6 жыл бұрын

Honestly im so terrified of messing up my kids' lives as well, that's why i don't ever want to get married. Also, life is so effing painful and drawn out and i want no person, let alone kids i won't ever have, to go through it if they can help it. It makes me sad but at least im the only one that's sad.

@irislilly7515

6 жыл бұрын

It's sad so many of us have to do this, but it's the truth.

This hit home... "Rebels: Those who've had to obey too much, too early". School of Life

@justineking5643

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, that jumped out at me as well (being as I am a quiet, but conscientious and unapologetic, rebel in adult life)

@leytpdipooperman8733

4 жыл бұрын

I can’t obey orders. I can do favors, but I can’t obey orders, not even from my SO, i can’t exactly do what people tell me to do.

@alicjagorny4303

3 жыл бұрын

That explains so much. I still have my aunties telling me that I need to "tame" my son (3) cause he doesn't behave as an adult yet 🤦

I always knew my parents were superb parents. This only gives me more insight into how great they actually were, and how blessed I was to have them.

@poppymoon1165

4 жыл бұрын

Same,makes you grateful ❤️

@tape2518

4 жыл бұрын

@@nekocekoBiHMK Sometimes it just happens

@CocoaButterOil

3 жыл бұрын

Why are you defensive? 🤔

@yavrielsechelle7431

3 жыл бұрын

@@CocoaButterOil Why are you replying to something I posted two years ago?🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

@D.Martyr

3 жыл бұрын

Same❤

Watching this as a young mother trying to be a better parent than my parents were.

@valentine2411

3 жыл бұрын

ur amazing

My mother, a single parent, was severely mentally ill, and was diagnosed with a terminal, debilitating physical illness when I was a small child. Her illness of course progressed as I grew up, and I slowly watched her become an invalid and die. She was also a recovering drug addict who relapsed and started abusing her prescribed pain medications a few years after her diagnosis. As a result of all these factors, I was severely neglected and emotionally abused throughout my childhood and adolescence, and have suffered immensely for it. I'm now thirty, nearly as old as my mother was when she had me, and am just now really starting to come to terms with what I experienced. I don't know if I was in deep denial, or just continued to minimize and dismiss my experience because "so many have had it worse". My point being, it's okay to not have children. It takes a very insightful, respectable, mature, and unselfish person to know when it's not a good decision for them. And for those of you out there who had a difficult upbringing, I just wanted to say that I love you and you bring value to this world. It can take a very long time to accept that you deserved better and none of it was your fault.

@liormevorach7856

6 жыл бұрын

@citygirlingraham

3 жыл бұрын

When you realize you have had a traumatic childhood. Get a good therapist and don’t look back. I agree on the no kids part too, hurt people hurt.

@GabrielleTollerson

3 жыл бұрын

thank you,I needed this so much today 💔

@63artemisia63

Жыл бұрын

@Perfumaphilia It only took me 74 years! Well, actually, I realized at about age 30 that I had a lot of overcoming to do and my healing work started making a big difference at about 70, 4 years ago. So, 40 years. At least when I was 30 I knew I shouldn’t have kids. My husband was disappointed but he accepted my decision. Two of my sisters had multiple abortions and the third has a daughter who is an addict with borderline personality disorder. That sister, in her 60s, is in denial about her childhood trauma and its affect on her … Oops, I don’t remember the comment I’m responding to 😊

@halfofakitty

Жыл бұрын

Same realization at 30 (i.e. now). I don't think I ignored it because I thought other ppl can have it worse (tho I do acknowledge that fact). Rather, they were things that built up into abuse/neglect and I never looked at them together. I never realized it's why I was shy. I just thought it was because I didn't fit in at school. But I now know any psychologist knows social problems typically come back to inadequate parenting. But the oddest thing. While mine wasn't entirely as bad as yours, my brother turned out fine. All his friends love my parents while all my friends hate them. Why? In short, because he doesn't have ADHD and is an extrovert like themselves. It's amazing how differently you treat someone when you have nothing in common with them, let alone a reason to dislike them. Literally Isabella and Mirabelle.

Emotionally healthy? Must be nice

@brittanystack6413

6 жыл бұрын

AfroSlacker me and you both.

@brittanystack6413

6 жыл бұрын

Or you and me both? 🤔

@SaraFruhling

5 жыл бұрын

AfroSlacker lol

@emmanuelbosselman6152

4 жыл бұрын

I feel you

@emmanuelbosselman6152

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah

Im so proud of my 2 year old whom when tantrums says “im mad” and “i want X”. Tantrums aren’t being bad they are just a display of frustration. He has them fewer and fewer as he gets older and begins to understand his inside feelings. I’m so proud of children when im teaching them swim and their able to tell me what they are comfortable with/uncomfortable with. These 2 boys said very eloquently they don’t like racing because they dont want to be compared to eachother, they also will notice when a friend wants a turn. Our children are collectively growing up kind, empathetic, emotionally aware and calm. Its quite beautiful really.

@amyhaigh1079

6 жыл бұрын

Christina Wolfle This has given me such a refreshing view of the world, thank you for sharing :)

@brittanystack6413

6 жыл бұрын

Christina Wolfle keep up the great work then!

@diobrando7674

5 жыл бұрын

This made me cry :)

@annaf3915

5 жыл бұрын

Today I realized how much progress my 2 year old (almost 3 now) has made and I'm so grateful! He went from hitting me and banging his head on the floor in frustration to normal temper tantrums to shouting "I want!!!" (and then often getting too worked up to remember what it was) to, today at bed time, telling me: "You not been nice. Make me mad. Say want leave room." So I could explain to him that I was frustrated because he made me wait and wait and wait for our "switch off light ceremony" and that I shouldn't have threatened to walk out. My hope is, if he can understand that noone is always right, he can become forgiving towards the mistakes of others and his own when he's an adult. (Not that children aren't incredibly forgiving by nature. His best friend bit him today and 10 minutes later he yelled for him to come inside a cave he built, "but no biting ok?") Oh, and my 4 year old niece gave him half her muffin today, after he finished his and wanted more. I asked him to thank her because it was very kind of her, which he did, but she said "He doesn't have to thank me. I did it just like that, not to be kind or for saying thanks". What a beautiful day :-)

@patrickilodigwe2071

5 жыл бұрын

God... Lol lucky child

You guys should really make a video on an Emotionally-unhealthy childhood.

@rebeccastar7142

6 жыл бұрын

Exactly!!

@blackholediscoball

6 жыл бұрын

Just think of the opposite.

@dimpleza

6 жыл бұрын

That'll get a million views in no time, no?

@SachinThakur-sx6jf

6 жыл бұрын

They've already made such videos related to parenting and childhood . Search 1) good and bad childhood . 2) good enough is good enough. 3) Horrors of parenting. 4) how to parent yourself. 5) horrors of children. 6) The dangers of good child.

@ololusername

5 жыл бұрын

Theres a ton of videos about that already.

" *to generate more of an emotionally privileged and therefore, slightly saner world.* " I simply love how The School of Life choose their words.

I know I have a controlling mother which led me to being very rebellious. I still am. My mom also didn't let me express my creativity much as a child. But other than that, she was a good mom, so was my dad. I just wish she wasn't so damn controlling with EVERYTHING. I'm 23 years old and she still tries to control the shit I do. I don't care anymore. I do what I want. The down side of being a controlling ass parent is that the child either becomes submissive as fuck, or they become me, someone who gets upset if they're told what to do if they don't want to do it, and will still do what the fuck they want.

@leighstretton3888

5 жыл бұрын

Yes Yes!"me too

@gingerreeds216

4 жыл бұрын

Same here!!! I’m such a rebel and my friends tell me that all the time!

@sheridan8766

4 жыл бұрын

My mom is the same way but, she is also jealous of me and it annoying. And I can’t wait to ever speak to her every again

@truvy_5544

4 жыл бұрын

My mom sheltered me as well but that was because she didn't want me to become my oldest sibling and also dealing with self-esteem issues and finding herself. As I got older she mostly comfortable in talking to me so I helped her most of the time getting to know herself and she also was able to see herself through other ppl problems. Controlling ppl don't know they're controlling even if you tell them over and over, something in life has to happen for them to change and realized what they are doing is making it worse.

@youflatscreentube

4 жыл бұрын

One thing you have over a lot of people: you have a very clear understanding of your issues, especially for your age. You have what you need. Go be the best, creative and kind person you can be.

Much love to everyone in the comments who had a difficult childhood, and are now learning to love themselves. You are strong, keep going.

@arsplastiques

2 жыл бұрын

What a sweet comment, thank you.

"An egoist is someone who has not yet had their fill [of love]." "The adults know their own flaws and do not expect the child to be fundamentally better than they are."

the decision to have a child is entirely the parents'. a baby cannot be expected to feed, wash, or look after itself. gratitude to parents is overrated. take some responsibility for your decision to have a child.

@Ju-lj5ff

6 жыл бұрын

I totally agree but everyone can ask for help when they need it. Educating a child is hard and people aren't born parents. If you can't do something for your child or don't know how to do it, it is ok. It must not be something vital of course but people are here to help mentally and physically like your own parents for exemple or people with experience. If parents did research on how to educate a balanced child there would be less problem in the world for sure.

@nimitytei4715

6 жыл бұрын

fact is they dont research shit

@laharl2k

6 жыл бұрын

Nimity Tei Not only do they not research shit, theres something called pedagogy and psychology, thats very useful to raise a child and you dont need to go to colege to learn it. Its all in books and anyone can read them

@Ju-lj5ff

6 жыл бұрын

Nimity Tei Yes... and it's not socially accepted to tell someone their child isn't well educated and raised badly...

@nimitytei4715

6 жыл бұрын

being raised badly and education arent the only factors/influence on how a human turns out, thankfully otherwise id be sitting in a deep mud cave

"they are almost boringly predictable and happy to be taken for granted" 💜 I love my parents, for their eternal care and kindness.

I'm an introvert mom with 3 young toddlers, and I've been worried for all 6 years of parenthood that I'm not doing enough. The way this information was worded was so helpful, and I think this is the first moment I really feel like I'm doing the best I can for my kids. Which is a big moment, as any parent would tell you. Thank you!

As an editor, The School of Life always has me in awe with their editing and animations.

@howbigisthemap9817

6 жыл бұрын

+BanditRants with only 14k subs your videos are truly outstanding.

@kingdgaming9783

6 жыл бұрын

your videos are amazing! glad to have found new content

@dorsvenabili5573

6 жыл бұрын

Wow, very good content in your channel! Thank you :)

@mitchelnext1

6 жыл бұрын

amen

@razkaran2428

6 жыл бұрын

Checked out your videos. I think they are awesome! Hope you're not disheartened by 35k subs despite your quality. I'd say it's pretty heavy stuff and falls to the far right on the intellectual gradient. It's not for everyone, but your videos are really insightful. Subscribed.

I am so thrilled to see people commenting things like "most people become parents without knowing how to care for the child, give them the best childhood" etc. Wow, this is so good to know. Even more so, it seems, people who didn't have a healthy childhood seem to want to give their child a better chance. I love people like that. Whoever you are, keep shining. You are my heroes.

Children who is allow to express their feelings have the best parents ever

I knew something was missing when I was shown kindness and respect from others outside my family. For example when I visited my friend and her family, they showed me more attention in one time than my family ever did my whole life. Watching the way they interacted with their children was so eye opening,

@niamh9947

Жыл бұрын

Omg same. It was always so jolting to me when I went to a friend's house and their mum acted more like a mother to me than mine ever had. Just with basic compassion and empathy. And when I naively mentioned it to my own mum as a kid, she told me that behind closed doors that family was just like ours and that their mum was only acting nice to me. I've only just unlocked this memory and realised how messed up that is! She convinced me that the friend's mum treated her kids exactly how my mum treated us, and I believed her.

After watching this, I’m doubly thankful for my amazing mom, because she literally created the sort of atmosphere described in this video for my siblings and I when we were growing up. Things have never been easy for us, but she’s been - and is still - the most amazing person I know. I’m really grateful to have had an emotionally healthy upbringing ❤️

I was 17 the first time I saw a balanced family full of warmth and acceptance. I thought it was weird. I didn't know that is a healthy and happy way to live.

Wish I had an emotionally healthy childhood. Oh well, now I’m fixing up the pieces through group therapy

@myhops

5 жыл бұрын

How did it go?

Your voice healed the wounds of my childhood.

@brittanystack6413

6 жыл бұрын

Emad Gholam lol

@onlythebrave4655

5 жыл бұрын

😓

@yeshuasage3724

2 жыл бұрын

Best to you bro....

I really didn’t have a good childhood.. foster homes to all kinds of abuse.. and now I have a newborn and I know I’m going to give him the world.. I will give him my unconditional love. There is something so rewarding about breaking the viscous cycle of neglect and giving the love of your life everything you never got. I’m excited to see him grow into a strong young man who will know he is worthy.

I am so grateful for my mother, she is simply the best thing I got from life. The worst thing I got were bullies. I guess they weren't as lucky as I am

@carpo719

6 жыл бұрын

I had my share of bullies

I feel like going and hugging my parents for doing the best they could. They weren't perfect but that's ok. Then I remember they have both passed away now and I can never express my immense gratitude to them. Oh well, i'm sure they're listening.

An emotionally healthy childhood? Also known as something i never had

@JanGlow

6 жыл бұрын

Faiza Jafar same here

@sajolchoudhury7832

6 жыл бұрын

But now you know....

@michaelplitt2135

6 жыл бұрын

Ditto

@waterunder3718

4 жыл бұрын

What? You can have that? I didn’t know that existed

My mother suffered from depression, my dad was pretty dependent on alcohol. I don't remember my mother or father ever holding me and telling me they love me. Consequently I grew up to be very broken emotionally. Society didn't help either, being that I've been gay and out from day one. I sliced up my wrists after being rejected by a guy I had a crush on, basically ruining the rest of my social life. I became a weekend alcoholic and fought to keep my weight down for the foreseeable future. Luckily I did have strong survival instincts and managed to eek out a pretty good life. I am now retired, living alone but comfortable. I also have one or two long time friends, one having Borderline Personality Disorder and the other having a drinking problem, that is what I'm comfortable with because of my upbringing. Looking back I now realize that my upbringing was the way it was because my mother was child number 10 in her family and my dad was abandoned, by both his parents, early on in his life. When you have two parents that are broken the children don't have much to go on.

@dinachayarubin5600

5 жыл бұрын

Anton Ossa And it says that grandparents were broken emotionaly and mistreated too. And their parents too. And this brokenness is spiraling further into our ancestors' past. So there is no way to find anyone responsible for it. Everyone were broken, everyone were victims.

@veronicac3532

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story. I’m glad you are doing good.

@daenerystargaryen

4 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. :/ Hope you are better now

@healthclinic2687

4 жыл бұрын

You have a big heart and you are truly brave,hope you understand you deserve better

My son will be a year old and ever since I had him it brought me back to my childhood and how my parents spoke to me. I want my son to have a emotional stability in his life.

Thank you to my parent's for making my childhood so amazing like this. I do feel so sorry for people who now have to do so much more work than I do to work on themselves because of the problems with their upbringing. It seems like such an unnecessary struggle. I really wish there was more of a focus in society of how to be a good parent/caregiver.

It's my ultimate goal to create such a happy life for my children that they will ALWAYS love being home. That we'll always love being together as a family. I don't quite have much experience with that sort of environment, and the thought of doing something to mess my children up emotionally without even realizing it terrifies me.

@paolagrando5079

4 жыл бұрын

Watch out to don't put too much pressure on yourself.

...usually, a healthy childhood is run by healthy adult's. It might also be said, that it doesn't take a healthy childhood to make a healthy adult. Conversely, not all unhealthy adult's had unhealthy childhood's.

@myyoutubename5338

6 жыл бұрын

Rembrandt uh thanks captain obvious

@fullup91

6 жыл бұрын

Wynter Fox ? 🤔

@myyoutubename5338

6 жыл бұрын

Rembrandt you’re making a statement about how a healthy childhood and a healthy adulthood are not mutually exclusive or that one does not have to preclude the other. But the video did not make that claim that’s why I implied you were stating the obvious. But you’re probably just thinking out loud so yeah I get it.

@myyoutubename5338

6 жыл бұрын

At any rate, I think the message of the video is that an unhealthy childhood will increase the likelihood that he/she will grow up to be a messed up adult in some way. Not 100% of the time, but more often than not.

@fullup91

6 жыл бұрын

Wynter Fox .... So, how does that make me "captain obvious" if I'm pointing out a perceived flaw within this video's rhetoric? I wasn't "thinking out loud". I was pointing out that which this video failed to. That it's not as clear cut as they're making it seem. Some of the most revolutionary and beneficial humans have only been able to do the good they did because of how unhealthy their childhood was. He also failed to point out that what is healthy or unhealthy are purely subjective. A parent might think that by providing everything for their child they're providing a healthy childhood. That child might grow up to be a spoilt, lazy, narcissist. A child who knows struggles and strife might go on to change the world for the better.

How to have a healthy childhood: apparently it means to allow faults. Interesting message. Sounds about right. As an adult now, it does seem like the truly mature adults are the ones that aren't afraid of imperfections and don't expect it of others. The immature ones delude themselves into thinking there is perfect, and since it's not there they're unpredictable and tense.

So this is everything opposite then my childhood. No wonder I grew up into this fucked up adult.

@Cajek2

6 жыл бұрын

Veka Vex Now now Veka: don't feel too sorry for yourself

@make-trix4036

6 жыл бұрын

If you can understand and accept your childhood (the good and the bad) you can control who you are now.

@wladapoljakova7006

6 жыл бұрын

same. surrounding myself with stable, loving people, a bit of therapy & the school of life help.

@p0otty

6 жыл бұрын

And yet you've been watching the video. You can't be this fucked up as long as you're doing your best to improve.

@mohamedelmasri144

6 жыл бұрын

No one cares bro

A childhood of being seen, and being considered and respected as another human being would have been a blessing.

There's two meanings of the word "Respect": There's being treated as an authority, and then there's 'basic respect' when you're treated as a person. What I believe is when parents would say "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you", what they *actually* mean is "If you won't treat me as an authority, I won't treat you as a person". Also the OK BOOMER meme is completely justified and Epstein did not kill himself.

I'm not a perfect parent, but after my upbringing, I'm proud of myself for being a far healthier parent than mine. Broke many patterns. I have a great relationship with my offspring. By doing the opposite of what was done to me.

When the society wants more 'talented' people than emotionally healthy ones. It does not necessarily contradict with one another but one must realise that many in this modern world are leading a 'successful' yet unhappy, empty life. They work their whole life without even glimpsing back to their past to pick up the things they missed, and soon it's all over. A true tragedy.

@prachibobhate3888

5 жыл бұрын

I agree.

The parenting examples aren't mainstream as they should be. This is what television "programming" should be like. We need programming from healthy, experienced, emotionally mature, family-educated and informed adults.

This makes me feel so happy, being a young mother I'll shame myself because of my mistakes but seeing this makes me realize that I'm doing something right. Parenting is so easy for me, my daughter is so confident/ independent & so smart and loves when I cuddle her.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

@sapointi

6 жыл бұрын

Decode Channel but im 21

@Grachtnakk

6 жыл бұрын

The keyword is: Child-like wonder. Let your soul have a happy childhood.

@silvervixen007

6 жыл бұрын

It is, but it is never too late to have a happy life

@sapointi

6 жыл бұрын

silvervixen007 how do you know there arent children here?

@patrickj1066

6 жыл бұрын

They are over at the minecraft channels, flamebaiting.

I have had an incredible childhood. I feel fortunate to have been blessed with parents who lived for me and made me a priority. Ten years ago when I was in my early 20s my father passed away, still my mother being a single mom did and continues to do everything in the video and so so much more. After watching this and most importantly reading all the comments, I feel blessed. For those who have had a difficult childhood, I want to say that i am certain you will find that person who will fill your life with love and hold you in the highest regard. ❤️

I dare you to do a video on bad childhoods and poor carers, where they do not support anything you do, threaten, hurt, displace blame, put you down and rivals everything you do to the point of sabotage. Then explain to me why I am the way I am haha. Plz, I can't afford therapy.

@Gato_64

6 жыл бұрын

I believe they have made a video with the topic of a "bad childhood" I just don't remember what the video is called, but you might want to take a look at their playlist just to look for yourself

@limazulu6192

6 жыл бұрын

If i were you i would take their word with a grain of salt. In my experience as someone who essentially had to deal with a comperable experience plus domestic abuse and still turned out alright. You don't need much to be alright in your adulthood as long as you got the right mindset. And yes thats the only important factor for your well being. I've seen the difference between those who had it and those who didn't time and time again. Those who had it flourished and became some of the most inteligent, talented and successful people i've meat free of their former sources of pain and misery while those who didn't went on with their ordeal. I'd elaborate further if you're interested.

@Gato_64

6 жыл бұрын

Lima Zulu agreed, if anything, the experience we've had in a compromising childhood has helped us become an understanding, respectful, kind individual since we understand the pain of having an unfortunate upbringing and choose to not have anyone else go through the same thing. At least, that's what I take out of it

@BigHenFor

6 жыл бұрын

Lima Zulu I'd take what you say with a grain of salt too. Unless you are lucky enough to be in the right place, at the right time, and meet the right people and are open to the opportunity presented you might turn out ok. But without these prerequisites, what are the chances? That is why empathy for those who might not navigate life well because they haven't found the resources within or without that might help them to leave their bad childhoods behind. It isnt a given that you can always escape easily one's past.

@paulafox9482

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your comments. I really enjoy these videos and yes I don't agree with everything that is said and realise not all is applicable to the viewer. I'm sorry if my comment rustled some feathers.. I'm attempting self reflection of my childhood to correspond with the coping mechanisms I have developed into my adult life which causes me issues day to day life and happiness: competitiveness, anger, untrusting and unwilling to ask for help as I'm sure it won't be given- so I enjoy these videos for a different perspective. I have however come up against a wall as to how to overcome these mechanisms and grow into a healthier minded person - rather than just blaming my past for the way I am.

Well I guess my childhood was mostly healthy then. I got to give my parents that.

@_.Infinity._

6 жыл бұрын

Kenny Floyd - Most of us are hopeful enough to get that but some people don't which really is bad...

@whitneysawyer483

5 жыл бұрын

Same here :)

@joyfulcookiegaming

5 жыл бұрын

Lucky most of us have messed up childhoods, i had a jealous narcissist mom

@voiceovers7080

5 жыл бұрын

Kenny Floyd damn foreal? I envy you. Is your life happy?

@voiceovers7080

5 жыл бұрын

Octi S my mom had some issues but my grandma abused her emotionally and iono maybe my grandma was abused by her parents....I mean when you think about how fucked up society used to be we can trace this abuse to slavery and say how black families passed the treatment they received down to their offspring because they knew no other way to be.

It's interesting they mentioned that parents try to look beneath the surface to find out what's really going on because this was the exact tactic my parent's used to belittle the way I felt. Even if I was explicitly clear and honest about what was causing my pain they would treat me like I was lying and give it a simpler explanation like 'oh you're just tired' or 'oh you must be stressed about something at school' to explain the way I was acting. This completely belittled the way I felt and diminished it to something so surface level, honestly because they probably weren't equipped or just didn't feel like entertaining the idea that they must have done something to cause it, since ya know, they 'tried their best'.

Please adopt me...

I had a terrible childhood but I thankfully grew and became a better person and ultimately, better mother. So gratefulm to that. I heal myself every day through my children.

I am the first child, I was ignored by my paternal side and my father never liked me, my father was an alcoholic and never took the responsibility of our family, I changed 5 schools. Because of the fights at home, there was no peace at home to study, I was a below average student in the school. We didn't have normal childhood. We never celebrated our birthdays.. or festivals. I dropped out after school to work and help my mother financially. My father passed away and my mother too passed away later. I know I carry all this pain to grave. I wish no child should ever go through what I went through. Not even my enemies..

I alway try to make excuses like “there was always food on the table” or “a roof over my head” but good god I legitimately experienced the exact opposite of everything in this video, and yet I still try to make justifications 😢

Wow, now I begin to see what my childhood was missing. If only most people knew this. What a difference unconditional love would make. Love your children and make them feel like they are okay. ✌️❤️

As a new parent this video shed a lot of light into how to become a better dad.

Me and my boyfriend had an unplanned pregnancy. Our son is now one year old and the greatest thing to happen to us. I say this because we view everything through his eyes. We have been able to reflect on our own childhoods and recognize the negative toxic traits of our family. Every day we are growing and parenting ourselves so that our son will be the healthiest person for himself ❤

This made me appreciate my mother so much. Thank you!

Not any Asian childhood ever.

@SantaFishes101

6 жыл бұрын

Asians are fucking tigers when it comes to parenting... I know...;__;

@SantaFishes101

6 жыл бұрын

Not necessarily...can't speak for all households, but they're just very... I mean, have you ever looked into the "tiger mom" phenomenon? It's sorta like that. Can you not look into it?

@jm7215

4 жыл бұрын

I have Chinese parents... and according to this video my childhood was very emotionally healthy. I hate it when people always assume Asian parents are born to be stricter than anywhere else

@nicoledoubleyou

4 жыл бұрын

@@jm7215 to be fair, Asian parents are generally stricter than most other parents, you can tell based on how the children perform compared to others. But it is possible, in fact necessary, to be strict, and provide an emotionally healthy childhood. Children need rules and structure and discipline to be emotionally healthy. Making sure, though, that you're reasonable and forgiving within that structure, is also important. That's where the tiger parents fail. There are parents like that in every race/culture. Kids are kids, they're learning, and generally doing their best with what they have. Remember that. In fact, as a parent, take time to truly remember what its like to be a kid. Do that and I ensure you, you'll do better than most other parents.

@Natatattatification

4 жыл бұрын

Jen Mei as a Caucasian westerner, I also hate what tends to be the flip side of this belief: that white parents are super lax. My family was so insanely strict, nothing was ever good enough. Any kind of showing of emotion was extremely shameful, and you were only as good as your grades. Kids weren't allowed to be kids because it would annoy the adults. We had to tip toe around the feelings of our parents - without being told what those feeling really were. Being anything other than perfect at all times was a disgrace. Now that I'm grown up and moved away can I see how normalised this abuse/neglect was/is. It was like being in a cult. I'm not proud to be a part of that family anymore (we were raised being told how lucky we were to be a member). Now, I want nothing to do with them. They are disgraceful.

Myself and my siblings didn’t have a healthy childhood but we would give our last breath to give our children one!!

Someone once told me "You don't choose whether you fuck up your child or not, what you choose is how." And I think about that a lot.

“The adults know their own flaws, and don’t expect a child to be fundamentally better than they [are at that moment]”. True. The spectrum between slavish compliance and revolting defiance on the other is healthy, encouraging and nurturing. What you say becomes what the child learns to say to themselves. Yup, that’s deep.

My childhood was poor and very loving. It was almost perfect and I never knew until I became a parent. Then realized my parents gave themselves to achieve this kind life. Now I wish to give them the best care for the end of theirs.

It's vital that our kids have a mentally stable childhood. It affects so much in the rest of life, but people can always come back from a tough childhood.

This sounds like such a lovely fairy tale if this is not how you grew up. It would be so nice if every child had a home like this...

Parent: "Well I turned out alright, didn't I?" And so the cycle begins anew.

I recall my mother told me 'everyone wasn't out to hurt you' She was wrong.

@qpSubZeroqp

6 жыл бұрын

C York I think that was meant to comfort you at that time and at that time only, and that maybe it wasn't meant to be taken as a life lesson

@limazulu6192

6 жыл бұрын

Nobody's out to hurt you. People are too busy focussing on their own well being to give a damn about you. That doesn't mean they wouldn't harm you for the off chance that it make them happier but people generally aren't bad or evil, just misguided. Turns out if you know how to ease their mind and comfort them they'll pay you back with their kindness. Doesn't matter if you have the biggest douche of all time in front of you.

@overitentirely

5 жыл бұрын

She's right. The world isn't out to get you but it's also not out to help you. You have to take responsibility for your life and fight for yourself.

1. Cherished for existing. 2. Choices allowed are celebrated. 3. Boundaries set. 4. Failures supported. Plus adequate adversity resulting in the proper emotional alignment of guilt, shame fear and worry, the four social emotions.

I so look forward to having my own children one day. I can’t wait to give them all the love I never had growing up.

Alain’s children sure are lucky.

@abcdef-jc3yf

6 жыл бұрын

There's really no proof here that he's a good parent himself. Just believing in all the principles he's advocating for in this video won't necessarily translate to successfully putting them into practice in his own life.

@myyoutubename5338

6 жыл бұрын

abc def but it sure is a good start

@CarasGaladhon

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah, but can you imagine being read bedtime stories in that voice? As least you’d get a good night’s sleep

Thank you for this as I'm currently pregnant! It's was blessing ☺

@afifsin8340

6 жыл бұрын

Dare Jones God bless you and your child

@anydae

6 жыл бұрын

Afif Rizkyanto Thank you. I appreciate your blessing...

@primal44

5 жыл бұрын

Dare Jones please don’t hurt that child

I grew up with a highly critical and verbally abusive mother. You never heal from it I dont think, sometimes I sit and think about my childhood makes me just want to cry. I moved 6,000 miles away and it helps. Although, we still keep in touch when she needs money or when she vents out her problems but never usually ask how I am. The sad thing is I love her, i wonder if she ever loved me.

I didn’t know I had a traumatic childhood until I grew up and was able to look back and see how emotionally messed up I was! I had some many complexes, I felt I was never able to fit in in any kind of group, people made me anxious 😟 I remembered always scolding myself for acting in a weird way after interacting with others, no self worth what so ever! If people didn’t like me I would fall apart! Then I married an alcoholic and endured 10 years of emotional and verbal abuse☹️ during those 10 years I met Jesus and I would say I have my sanity because He helped me! Little by little The Lord has been healing my deepest wounds, shame was a big one! I’m not there yet but I’m definitely walking in freedom, I don’t feel bound by my hurts, a healthy soul is definitely a blessing! I pray for everyone in need of healing from childhood traumas! God bless you all!

I love that you focus all about what a GOOD childhood looks like. We have focused so much on dysfunctional family units - to the point where we are a little lost and we need to get pointed in the right direction. Thank you!

Why im so sad after watching this?

@kakawaiipotato4744

6 жыл бұрын

I was hoping it would tell me I didn't have a childhood that bad. Shit.

@fullup91

6 жыл бұрын

jujugirl2 ... maybe you've got bad juju? 😂😋

@maximilandriel

6 жыл бұрын

I know how f*cked up it was...thats the bad thing about it. I remeber it. But a video that makes me that sad... its not normal

@fullup91

6 жыл бұрын

jujugirl2 ... clear your chakras

@hellenjiang5674

6 жыл бұрын

Me too... can't help crying...

The script your parents hand you down is so much to bear.

Even with our tomultuous and struggling history together, my mother and father and my grandparents made absolutely sure to fill me with love and raise me to be authentic and to feel cared for because they wanted to break toxic family curses and cycles. I wanna offer my lil future seedlings, something just as supportive if not so much better. Taking care of myself now, so they don't have to recover from me and my 5D forever lover. I wanna teach them that self love is encouraged, revolutionary, and their individuality is the ultimate come up. Teaching them that kindness without selling themselves out is just as cool 🙏🏾💞

It's deep... Got me submerged for a while

One that doesn’t deprive you of pain and struggle

One of my earliest memories was when mom and us (two kids) moved to a new place, dad had passed and they wouldn’t let us move into this house for hours. My mom remained calm, stoic and unmoved. To top things it started to rain, she covered me with a rain jacket and a plastic and cradle me in her arms. Do not worry yourself, she said; we are okay, I am in charge! I was probably five then, but to this day I remember that. It may seem insignificant but it impacted me forever. I trust things will get better no matter what, I know I’m loved and blessed and that is all that matters. 🙏

@dew3422

4 жыл бұрын

Keryn L. Sánchez you have a amazing mom!

As a person in their mid 30s some of these stuff is new to me. Confirms yet again my parents failed me and my siblings. They tried their best so I don’t hate them. But what’s done is done. I don’t have kids and don’t plan to have any because still have to take care of the kid within me first.

can’t relate

@sajolchoudhury7832

6 жыл бұрын

Because may be you don't belong to Human race..

@leytpdipooperman8733

4 жыл бұрын

You’re lucky af, mine was horrible

Psychoanalysis, I love you. Love you Klein and Winnicott. Thank you so much for your work which is presented in this video. Thank you again School of Live for making it accessible for everyone!

I would add that transitioning the child from only thinking of self to others is paramount. I know adults who still think of themselves as the spoiled kid who got everything.

Mom loved me unconditionally, but was unstable, and could not offer emotional support. My dad was emotionally stable, and probably loves me unconditionally, but never once expressed it or offered support. Then my mom left, and I spent most of my childhood feeling utterly alone. And then middle school was just spent getting bullied for my differences, so I just avoided everyone. By highschool it had become an ingrained habit to never interact with anyone.. Honestly, not that bad in the scheme of things. I feel like I should be capable of forming a deep bond with others, but... I just can't. I can't express friendship and love in the way I feel it. Its always filtered. I can't be real, because no one wants to see the real me. And I ... I might as well just give up on looking for that connection because my failures are making me really bitter.

The parent/carer has to love unconditionally.

@clausmehl8731

3 жыл бұрын

Love unconditional doesnt exist

This video makes me so appreciative of the upbringing I’ve had. When I have kids I want them to feel the same level of love, compassion, freedom, understanding and kindness that my parents had gifted me. I’m so sorry to those who haven’t had the best upbringing, I hope you find a way to heal and love endlessly! 💖

The "you like tired, I'll be quiet today" pic actually knocked me out 😭🤣 but it's true. Children were not asked to be born, and part of an emotionally healthy childhood is feeling like you're heard, valued, that your feelings matter, and you're not a burden for existing

Im pregnant with my first baby and I'm so ready to do everything i can to love and care for my baby boy. I cant explain the love i feel for this life inside me. On the other hand Im so incredibly grateful for my parents for giving me a great childhood...how so amazingly lucky I am.

My mom does everything he talks about in this video. I wish more people were like my parents... I love them so much. I feel sad for kids whose parents don't listen to them.

@patriciaoffer9585

5 жыл бұрын

Comet The Tigress It's to be sure that you share your emotional wealth with the emotionally poor, and your clear writing style deserves a medal.

@waterunder3718

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah a lot ppl shout out their parents and say they love them so much. Could never relate, they just feed me and get going

@simplydriven4196

3 жыл бұрын

Well they didn't teach you to not be condescending obviously

I love these videos- they help me to reflect on my own experiences. But more importantly, they influence my own parenting to my little daughter. I hope so much I have done a good job- videos like this help to set an objective benchmark that I can work towards. To me, she is perfect just as she is, even though we both have flaws. I hope the job I do is good enough to help her feel the same about herself, so she always knows she is enough and she is loved.

I experienced a lot of family turmoil, I'm also neurodivergent (Anxiety, OCD, and ADHD) and never got the love and nurturing from my loved ones so as an adult I secretly crave it, but I hate of looking weak, because I was always told that boys and men shouldn't show weakness, and should be strong, tough, and resilient. It's taken years of therapy to cope with this mindset, and that it's ok for a man to show emotion and express his needs.