I go back and watch this video every now and then, every few months actually to remind myself of what love really is. Truly invaluable.

“Compatability is an ACHIEVEMENT of love, not a requirement for it.” I really needed to hear that. ❤️

@youhavetogotheretocomeback

2 жыл бұрын

Compatability....I hope that was just a typo!

@redlady222

2 жыл бұрын

@@youhavetogotheretocomeback Spellcheck fail. Fixed! Thanks!

@youhavetogotheretocomeback

2 жыл бұрын

@@redlady222 You're welcome, not too pedantic I hope, rather an important one to have clarity on :)

@redlady222

2 жыл бұрын

@@youhavetogotheretocomeback 😂 Clarity was most certainly paramount.

@LindseyThoeng

Жыл бұрын

@@youhavetogotheretocomeback pp

These words are truly an awakening! As Tagore once said: " I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy."

@bokky24

3 жыл бұрын

thank you so much for this!!^^

@rottenaudiobooks2310

3 жыл бұрын

FANTASTIC quote! I am sharing that. Thank you!

@norm1815

3 жыл бұрын

Ans yet...Mother Teresa died Miserable and bordered on atheism

@rottenaudiobooks2310

3 жыл бұрын

@@norm1815 Good point. However people drift in and out of the path of joy and virtue. That's part of being human. ie On the other side of the spectrum: I've read that Marquis de Sade, one of the most notorious atheists out there, actually died a "good Christian" death (attended by a priest and all)! And this was a man who wrote "[I am] atheistic [and individualistic] to the point of fanaticism..." in his final letter to his wife. Even the devils among us are inconsistent. Ultimately though the sum of Mother Teresa's legacy is spiritually positive; whereas the sum of Sade's legacy is spiritually negative. I think that's how both figures would have wanted it.

@clairemortimer7227

3 жыл бұрын

Pppp

After more than a dozen times watching this, I must say this is one of the finest things ever done. Thank you Alain, this is your finest moment. May you have every invitation to speak to us continually.

@leahahowe

5 ай бұрын

Seriously! Something to go back to and share for all time!

@TheUrantia001

4 ай бұрын

why dont you think for yourself??

@ghislainesweet8273

3 күн бұрын

I agree!

Australians are so lovely. You can tell by how lovely the crowd is and how they’re just eating up and totally enjoying what he’s saying. Best people ever

Every married and to be married couple needs to watch this together! And pause and laugh when they see themselves being described in these situations. I saw myself multiple times 😆

This is so relevant and much needed. Elliot Rodger, the proto-Incel mass murderer, was obsessed with Romanticism even if he couldn't recognize it as such: *His fascination with nature; he always went for long walks to clear his mind. He was constantly, constantly reflecting on the beauty of nature. *he saw childhood as the only joyful period of his life. The only time where he thought the world was "good and pure" *joblessness; he refused to take menial jobs because of narcissism and ego; he quit all of his classes out of disinterest and because of *...sexual frustration. He was obsessed with the sex and romance to the point of fanaticism. At one point he thought about killing himself by drowning (a romantic image in itself) but the sight of a beautiful woman smiling at him dissuaded him from that. He couldn't separate love and sex. He was obsessed with the idea of finding a "beautiful" life partner who would attend to all his emotional needs. When he couldn't, he turned to *...visions of destruction and murder. An obsession with death as the great mover of the world...another tenet of Romanticism. Elliot Rodger and his successors stand as stark proof that Romanticism-inspired obsessiveness can easily warp a person's life into something bitter and destructive. We ultimately need less of this in our culture, not more.

I have listened to this for more than 10 times... still learning.

This man is a genius

@atefehdalvand8110

3 жыл бұрын

Indeed.

@grannyhorsetraining878

3 жыл бұрын

He is , check out his Channel The School of Life , you won't regret it .

Being self-aware is so important. Thank God for people like this it is humbling to listen to him talk. I learned so much about myself every time I hear him

Why can’t everyone be intelligent & realistic about life, love, emotions etc etc etc .... thank you Alain.

@soffmusic9655

Жыл бұрын

Because unfortunately we're human :)

This speech is very impressive. Besides the wonderful and awakening insight, I love how he talks with passion and humour. I lost the track of time, had a good laugh and learned some very valuable lessons (to say the least!). Congratulations and thank you Alain 🙏

"One of the greatest British export is melancholy." 😂😂😂

Humour and knowledge in a single guy. Thanks, this was just incredible.

I been watching this video every month and I think this is amazing lesson of relationships and love.

@SaintNektarios

2 жыл бұрын

It is certainly a video that should be watched regularly by everyone.

@drew7155

2 жыл бұрын

Only single people can identify w it

BRILLIANT!!!! THIS OUGHT TO BE REQUIRED VIEWING IN ALL JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOLS!!

Ultra brilliant. So glad to bear witness to this man in my lifetime, and so grateful to have seen him in person.

@backtomybungalow

2 жыл бұрын

Reading this, I thought he'd died 😂 - Thankfully. He is alive and well.

OMG.... Speechless..... Such a sobering lecture. Thank you so much. The trap of romance is so so tempting yet dangerous

He always brings common sense to light! Love his talks on just about everything, Indeed, a brilliant mind.

One of my all time favourite talks.

I can’t believe that this was an hour long talk and everyone including me had so much fun. Could feel the energy of the entire crowd enjoying this! With all this instant gratification and getting distracted every 5 minutes - attention span. I’m so glad I made it through without wanting to skip to another. First time I listened to a long one and it kept getting better!

Brilliant, de Botton is inexplicably aware of the human condition, life and romanticism.

He changed my look at life and relationships. Very grounding advice.

"...but Ive got Morrissey and Ive got Bach" Love this guy!

This is definitely one of my favourite talks - Absolutely brilliant. It's deeply insightful and humourously accurate. People often have this false perception of love and believes that the right person can do you no wrong, everyday is sunshine and rainbow, things just clicks in place. The reality is, in all relationships, the absence of disagreements and conflicts often mean dishonesty is involved. The right person can be anyone if both parties put in efforts to work around their differences and accept that everyone has flaws and no one is really the one.

He is awesome! So much wisdom delivered as comedy.Bravo!

I'm going to set a reminder to listen to this conference every 6 months ❤️

If this particular video could be shown to grade 7, along with how hormones affect 'love' thinking' our children could be enlightened to loving relationships being about more than hormones and fantasy. When you learn this you learn to not believe and therefore not act upon everything you feel or even think. Brilliant as always.

Oh my gosh I'm blessed to have people around me telling me what I've done wrong RIGHT AWAY. Maybe that's part of the 'self-righteous' aspect but it makes me think that they CARE about me (and I know the people around them too). Yeah it may be embarrassing (to some people) but it puts my toes on the ground and makes me realize things RIGHT AWAY too, which may not be very ideal to some people because some say that we should do it 'privately' for the person to not be 'embarrassed' (like I've said) publicly. But I think people's honesty and straightforwardness helps me in a lot of ways. And I'm thankful for the people in and that pass by my life.

@KateLate____

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, you're extremely lucky! Even now as adults, when someone might be more likely to give us feedback, anyone who hasn't experienced healthy feedback as a child is so hurt that they have trouble receiving that feedback as an adult.

Share this video with a maximum of people! This is the kind of content we need to share.

My friend sent me this, she is an absolute rock in my life, and as a friend, she has loved me, and....loved me enough to share this with me! Powerful! Thanks KM!

I first became aware of Alain de Botton with his "the consolations of philosophy" book when that was first published. Really started to open my mind to other ways of thinking rather than the "norm." I've recently started a binge of online talks including all the School of life videos. It has been and continues to be a fascinating, fun and informative journey. These talks about the realities of being in a relationship are of particular use and interest to me at this time in my life. Information and ideas given with honesty, openness and humour is invaluable. Thank you for uploading this talk and thank you Mr. De Botton!

Nonsense on KZread gets millions of views and likes but important information such as this, hardly gets any recognition

You are precious, monsieur Alain de Botton .

Romantic love forces us to face and deal with our triggers in a way that practical love never will. It is the best vehicle for personal growth.

I have watched this lecture so many times every time it is so enjoyable

Wow, I am enchanted by Alain de Botton speeches....genius come in small doses

waw, I couldn't think the presentation could get any better because of all those eloquent points he has made.. and then I was hit by the questions and his answers.. waw! I could listen to hours of him answering questions, every time he adds a crucial information. just waw

The thing is that all of us are kind of like that broken inside in various key ways. But there’s no easy way of signaling it, right? We can’t signal that we’ve got these wounds and breakages, etc. And so our partners don’t necessarily give us the accommodations that they would. And that’s why it’s so important to realise that, of course, wandering through the world, everybody is very severely broken and in need of a lot of forgiveness, and generally, on the whole, not mean, just frightened. Most people are very, very scared. And most appealing pieces of behavior, normally have fear at the heart of them rather than evil.

In the aftermath of a separation from a decades-long relationship, when I had started to think it's me who has an issue and can't find love, this video was all the reassurance I needed to know I ended that one for all the right reasons and I'm right to not want to get myself into whatever comes my way just to be with someone. Thank you Alain 🎉

Thank you so much! You unveiled my questions about failing relationships in my life! I am a Romantic and felt the weight so heavy mistaken it as a positive that It blinded me all the way. Thank your for the even funny way you unveiled it for me release the burden that was weighing me dawn!

Anyone who has read Hanya Yanagihara's "A Little Life" knows how the relashionships between the caracters can be uneasy, but in a conference she said a very interesting thing along the line of "Showing the truth self to someone is a very new thing. Humans used to choose their relationships as in a way that they could show only the best version of themselves to their partners and friends."

He has such a clever and charming personality. Good talker and good with People

I think this is the best talk I've ever watched on KZread and I'm a KZread veteran.

Best thing I've heard in a long time.😊

Thank you. Thank you!!!! I was about ready to give up and walk away and now I will work to stay because I realise, all the problems are basically inevitable, as well as my innate deeply warped, insanity ... talks like this, remind thoroughly of the work required.

I couldn't really laugh at this. so much of what he was saying is so spot on to today's relationship culture.

Wow so many lessons learned in only an hour.

@norm1815

3 жыл бұрын

immeasureable

Oh my, Mr. Button you are so authentically Human 😊 🧠 with a genius skill

That was a fun watch. "British melancholy." Ha ha. Sounds like my marriage.

Such a brilliant, eloquent, impactful human being!

Totally loved this!!!!!

Deliciously executed and presented. I laughed with delight, declared my craziness and will devote my time to the love I felt at 5 years old... Hopefully, I'll find a mature child, while I'm there.

This is just brilliant

Incredible, thank you!

That was so good!

THIS IS BRILLIANT! I am speechless

amazing!!!!

Very pleasant speaker! Some of his ideas make a lot of sense.

Brilliant !

It's hilarious when he mentions Morrissey, I looooooove it!

Such a good speaker, thank you!

Really fun speech on love told with a ton of charisma. Bravo brother

Some of this centuries greatest philosophy

It's only in being your authentic self that you could be in love. That's an honest observation from Alain .B -- honest and informatively helpful.

So clever, enlightening and funny!

Very insightful

Amazing insightful talk

Such a blast to listen to!

So amusing and inspiring

Amazing, thank you :)

All one needs to know about romantic love. Brilliant.

What a beautiful artistic speech . awasome

Amazing.

Amazing! ❤️

Absolutely Brilliant! Best, most sensible talk I’ve ever heard on Love, relationship, romantic fantasy, honesty...bloody brilliant!

Love this ✔️✔️✨✨✨

1:00:28 Before, when someone called you a nerd or said you were gay, they said something to hurt you. To make you feel below them. Now, people are proud to be nerds or gay. They shout it from the rooftops, if they have to. Maybe the term "romanticism" will change.

@ralx225b

3 жыл бұрын

Good Point!! We shall see.

'love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care but for another gives it's ease, builds heaven in hell's despair...love seeketh only self to please , to bind another to it's delight, joys in another's loss of ease, builds hell in heaven's despite' 'William Blake'

This guy is a genius with an unparalleled sense of humor!

@barbaralachance5836

2 жыл бұрын

I agree, he's so funny and I couldn't listen to his talks all day.

Wow Amazing ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Fantastic

A genius indeed!!!

useful, life changing insights, are in this talk

I am not watching at anyother speed than "Normal". Words make so much sense 👌

BRAVO!!!

LOVE this! I just feel the need to clarify that in the sex/relationship combo, no type of relationship is perfect. I think he meant it as a joke and never clarified it (or maybe I confused the message) but "free love", "open relationships", and "polyamory" should never be considered choices that are meant to be "better" than other types of relationships. What I mean is, people who write and talk about this types of relationships don't usually go about life thinking or saying these types of relationships are the solution to all of our love problems (if they do, then they don't really know how they work). They are just alternatives to more traditional relationships and the are NOT perfect and they suffer many of the problems other relationships have (including jealousy and they don't think necessarily think it's a byproduct of capitalism). I just really needed to say this hee.

Very brilliant. I look back all those mistakes that I made to the guys I met... 😖 I could’ve done better if I saw this earlier.

@norm1815

3 жыл бұрын

as all of us dear

Wonderful. I learned so much about myself. 😂♥️♥️

This is the most profound and important thing that I've needed to hear and more importantly accept 😭. I found that one person thay i could be my 💯% self with and took it for granted. Of course i lost her. Its very rare when you can show someone your skeletons in the closet and they hold your hand instead of running away. 😞

Adult hopeful love is not just sex it’s intimacy; sex just makes that attachment bond stronger.

it is perfect

HILARIOUS 🌟👏🌟👏🌟👏🌟👏🌟

I will admit to not admitting to this kind of love ever… and then I met him in middle age. Yes I have. Love before sex, all of it. I had been married for two decades and we were emotionally disconnected. Should I have stayed for financial security? The problem with going back to making “good marriages” is that human beings want to feel romantic love and if and when you do find it, you will scorch the earth to keep it. Love will never be rational.

I am so happy destiny guided me to Mr. de Botton

Very good

arguments are so bold but this what he needs to be able to speak large crowds

Somewhere out there!

as anonymous forward: Wow thank you so much Sir! For putting my thoughts into words!! one quick note to consider is that i disagree that our parents are the foundation for the way we react, act etc... to a person we are attracted to or tend to have a spiritual connection with, which i definitely agree with you that the foundation laid when we were children plays a major part in as selecting someone to love or have a strong connection with,, BUT i feel based on my own experience that the person who was your parental role model and most influenced role model. example as a partner or the strongest role model of what a man or a woman should be and could be in a relationship.. all i'm saying is the people you look up to growing up,,, the uncle, grandfather who ever is that role model as a father, like a father plays a major role in you choosing your partner.. not necessarily a parent... just a thought :)

I love this man! 😂 😜🙂😳