I thought I had a great childhood. I had both parents, they had good jobs, we lived in a nice home, had plenty of food, medical, new clothes, we took nice vacations every year and Christmas and birthdays we got many nice presents. They went above and beyond in the physical, but the emotional side was non existent. My parents never really even talked to me other than small talk. If you saw the movie ordinary people the relationship between the mother and son was pretty much the same as I had with both of my parents. I never realized until recently that parents were supposed to connect and teach their kids about life. I thought a parents job was just to pay the bills. I'm 52 and I've struggled in every aspect of life from employment, financial, casual friends, and intimate relationships and I never could understand why. But the more I learn about neglect and attachment I realize that most all my problems had their roots in my childhood. And it's very depressing because the best years of my life are over and I've missed out on so much life

@mariemonn6590

6 ай бұрын

never to late...heal and thrive...connect...to others who are serious about healing...

@Oilboss403

6 ай бұрын

You have soooo Much Love, Luck and Laughter left in you. I can tell your on the right path. Keep up the amazing work. "The power of thoughts can either cause you illness or recovery." Ps. Your not alone

@mariemonn6590

6 ай бұрын

I don't see anyone blaming....@@genol.depello7274

@NE0Nwhip

6 ай бұрын

If you got r@ped I'm sure you'd take personal responsibility...@@genol.depello7274

@janecoons592

6 ай бұрын

I don't think they are blaming them. Just realizing it was missing. I think they understand their parents didn't have that in their childhoods. Time to break the generational curse. We have the power to heal.

Wow. I’ve never been described more accurately in my entire 60 years.

@teresapotts3476

2 ай бұрын

Me, ..also

@terryg4415

12 күн бұрын

I feel the same, at 70.

I finally realized at some point that when I learned to be kinder and more compassionate and understanding toward myself, my compassion and understanding toward others improved significantly.

@AnneAlready

Ай бұрын

That's it exactly. x

I live with intense neglect trauma & I always have the TV or music on to fill the space I'm in, or spend a lot of time on social media to escape the emptiness as a form of artificial connection.

@Ana-rb7ws

5 ай бұрын

Wow. I get it now. I always do this, too. I carry my phone with me always and have something playing on it, from sitcoms to self help videos to religious videos, to keep me company. I used to think it’s because I always want to be learning. But it’s actually because I don’t want to feel lonely. When the phone turns off, I realize just how lonely I am.

@charlene336

5 ай бұрын

It's also a safe form of artificial connection because interacting with people can be awful & triggering. @@Ana-rb7ws

@latasha9898

5 ай бұрын

Same here. I have to have something on all the time when home and when i'm trying to sleep. I can't stand the silence, or where my thoughts go.

It's a little bit relief that there's a reason for all weird feelings and stupid life mistakes

I've listened to ALOT of people in this space. I've listened to alot of your videos. You really understand what people are experiencing. You understand intricately with detail. I've learned ALOT from you. Thank you for these videos.

@KunalKadu

4 ай бұрын

I feel the same.

@KunalKadu

4 ай бұрын

any recovery methods you are using?

@josefn.8297

3 ай бұрын

@@KunalKadu If I may answer here, too. I can recommend the Emotions Anonymous (EA) groups. Here I could learn the trust to open myself in depth to others. Because of the EA rule of not directly responding to what somebody says and the anonymity rule learning this confidence is easier than in the "real" world. Also, the group produces an amazing healing power. Last but not least the EA program taught me the - for me in this form easy to accept - concept of the "higher power", which gives me the biggest relief and confidence when thinking about the things that have gone wrong in my life.

As usual, I aced the list. Never do things half-way.

@user-bn2st5kx8h

3 ай бұрын

😅

@bennycarter5249

2 ай бұрын

Same! If I can't get 10/10 then why even try.

@AnnieClaws

2 ай бұрын

​@bennycarter5249 that's me.

@AZekO7

2 ай бұрын

@@bennycarter5249 😂

Narcissists convince themselves, you, and everyone else that their unrealistic expectations of you are "reasonable" and that your reasonable expectations of them are "unrealistic". Every day is Opposite Day in the narcissist's world.

@ragga7862

3 ай бұрын

💯🎯

@shaunfitzgerald4947

3 ай бұрын

Its always backwards day.

@Fawn-hv7mx

2 ай бұрын

Bizarro World.

@4thworldwilderness390

Ай бұрын

But... up IS down... didn't you hear?

Neglect trauma is devastasted me. How its link with developmental trauma, attachment trauma. And have childhood loneliness, lost father figure, I have no direction in my life. After I confront it, I figure it lately, that there is generational trauma, how my mom grew up in her family, and she invalidated my feeling, that there are other people that feel worse that I am. I feel lost in childhood, adolesence. And prolonged neglected is affect in my adulthood. I feel lost in my life, like adrift in ocean alone.

@ctm2594

10 күн бұрын

On point about how you feel. Sorry it happened to you. Please find out how to get better. You deserve to experience good in your life.

There is also trauma resulting from witnessing decades of abuse. Ie watching one parent being verbally, emotionally abusive to another for years and years. And receiving it as well. Being Parentified by the abused parent. Narcissism rampant in family members. And rage from unempowered siblings and parent. And on and on. Yes I know they’ve loved me the best way they could, and I’ve been healing for nearly 14 years, sober for 10 years, therapy etc. But wow. The consequences are brutal..far-reaching and undeniable. Feeling like you’ve spent your childhood in a minefield shows up physically, mentally, in one’s health, work, isolation, self identity and on and on. With trauma, whether it’s little t or not… doesn’t matter. The results speak for themselves. And Little t trauma in childhood leaves one wide open and vulnerable for experiencing big t trauma.

@user-bn2st5kx8h

3 ай бұрын

❤

I have had a lot of big T trauma but I would say the little t trauma has had a lot deeper impact on me than anything else. This nails on why I struggle with the things I do and why I feel so stuck, no matter how hard I push myself. I had a feeling it had to do with my lack of connection. I have been praying specifically about how do I move forward from where I am now. Feels like I was supposed to see this video.

I'm 68 and despite doing sessions with psychologists, etc. nobody has diagnosed childhood emotional neglect. Listening to this talk by Tim Flecher, I just went, WOW! I had " good" parents but had problems in my childhood, adolescent and adult life. Identified 100% with the symptoms Tim Fletcher listed. At 68, what to do now? Well, I suppose its never too late! Thank you Tim Fletcher.

@richardhankins

25 күн бұрын

I'm 68 too. I've been in therapy since I was 30 on and off. Mostly off because none of them diagnosed the problem or were able to give me the emotional connection I never had. I'm now very reluctant to pursue any further therapy. Too much bad experience, whatever Tim Fletcher has to say about it. No idea where I go from here. The problem is beyond solving.

I use to cry when i heard roommates talking to their mom. I couldn't believe it! I always wanted a mom to talk to like that. I found others to mother me but not the same. Never bonded.

@Ninsidhe

2 ай бұрын

That’s because the ‘bonding’ window happens in a specific time in childhood- once that is gone then the job of parenting ourselves becomes our own. The trauma continues because we’re looking for someone else to do what only WE can do, which is be a good parent to the small version of ourselves that still lives inside us; when we behave as if that child within is not important and worth nurturing then we’re hurting ourselves all over again.

@richardhankins

21 күн бұрын

@@Ninsidhe That answers assumes we have that "good parent" inside oursleves. I haven't found him inside myself - and I have spent three years trying to do exactly what you said.

@crowkangi

6 күн бұрын

Same. Never bonded.

Wow! Unrealistic self appraisal. I had both not feeling good enough and sometimes feeling superior.

@latasha9898

5 ай бұрын

Me too. Its a weird mix, and another thing to feel ashamed of

@user-bn2st5kx8h

3 ай бұрын

​@@latasha9898true

Healing is possible,i can confirm without a doubt...I now have the best relationship with God, myself,my parents,my job,collegues etc...its just so amazing....Thanks Mr. Tim Fletcher. God bless you.

@janecoons592

6 ай бұрын

You healed by only watching his videos? That would be amazing.

How about when a child constantly come to parents and is ignored and worse ridiculed, belittled and dismissed...that was my experience.

@sanataj

6 ай бұрын

That is emotional abuse, bullying. Why do you think your parents decided to have children? How were they treated as children themselves?

@marysmail8994

6 ай бұрын

@@sanataj yes,they had a hard time as kids and were young in wartime, i dont blame them, but they have made my life difficult

@rubberbiscuit99

6 ай бұрын

It sounds familiar. Neglecting a a child's needs is bad, but then when the child's requests for support are actively rejected by the parent, it adds another layer of pain on top of the pain of being neglected. Being rejected with belittling or criticism is even more of a betrayal, causing very deep harm to the children.

@cindywilson7746

3 ай бұрын

Yes, that was my experience as well

@AndyJarman

2 ай бұрын

We just learn to disguise our heartache. When I meet people who are cold and judgemental now it appears obvious to me they are doing their best to hold it together, while frankly feeling miserable.

This trauma is the root of most of my devastations in my life and I wasn't able to realize it until recently.

OMG this hurts. This hurts so bad. Based on everything she told me, this is my ex. I was dealing with my own brokenness, but her behavior confused and hurt me so badly. I don’t know that having this knowledge would have helped me do better at the time. But it at least is helping me view her with compassion. 🥺

@LoveHerLeaveHerWild

Ай бұрын

I hope my ex can view me with the same compassion you speak of. I fear he hates me. I know I hurt him. It took me over a decade to understand why.

I think the emotional neglect is tightly linked to interergenerational trauma. My parents didn't know how to deal with their own emotions, so they had no idea how to deal with mine (and my brothers). I think the (post) ww2 generation had to be strong and emotions could not be there. I'm still dealing with mental health problems and I the last years I now understand that it is because of the emotional neglect. Thanks to research aand people like you that make that knowledge available to us ❤

@beatsg

2 ай бұрын

This is the answer.

The shame in me has been in reverse. I thought people outside my family would like me and I did try for decades to initiate friendship. I only worked sort-term. I have been disrespected and dumped by everyone. Nobody wants to stay in touch with me. So it is not 'just' a fear. It is reality. I expected care, love, loyalty and acceptance. I got callous indifference and contempt. I am boring and needy and feel numb inside.

@margaretlovecchio8316

6 ай бұрын

I wonder if the people you’ve reached out to outside your family are truly healthy, safe people, or if they have many of the same unhealthy thoughts & behaviors as some of your family members, and they can’t hide behind their mask for long. Tim’s Lift program is a real eye opener, so helpful & healing. Peace to you 🕊️

@latasha9898

5 ай бұрын

Most people are selfish. They put their own needs first, and when you have a deep rooted need for care and compassion, it's difficult to deal with.

@latasha9898

4 ай бұрын

thats not excuse for being a complete taker and rarely giving back, which is the point I was making. Society has become very narcissistic. A lot of selfishness I see around me, goes way beyond maintaining healthy boundaries. @@PostalDude97

I had terrible parents. No question. They were teenagers who hated me for ruining their party time. They tolerated my existence and did the bare minimum. Many of the above qualities are a match for me. My ACE score is 6 and I have other issues to deal with, but I have always felt like I don’t belong anywhere. Makes it hard to even hold a job. I’d love to cure this but I guess it’s life long therapy.

Disgusted with a mother who denied everything she did with a lie and still claims that she loves me. It is absolutely my pleasure to tell her I don't even like her and to shut up and leave me alone. So not sorry finally to tell her that she lies. It's that simple. So sadly necessary to finally say I am sorry I was nice to her.. Doing my part Dropping her like an unwanted child, bc that's that. thanks and yes I'm fiercely independent and dislike needing people. 1 out of ten surprise me.. help me with no condescension. Lovely . Just lovely. Loneliness is normal for me and I also connect with others easily and deeply but only in short doses with no expectations or hopes for anything more. More is an idol and I have no gluttony for more.

@suzijorgensen6545

6 ай бұрын

I can relate! Hang in there bcoz you're not alone

@teresahopemiller1008

2 ай бұрын

Peace be with you, Im a loner as well. So much for blood being thicker than water. She tells you she loves you only because likely she has herself convinced of that. That is what she thinks that is what you want to hear, but you know the truth. Youre OK and give yourself a hug.Youre at peace knowing the truth.

@randomcompilations201

2 ай бұрын

Read untethered soul by micheal singer

This explains SO much!!!! My childhood makes sense through this lens.

What about your family breaks down around 12 years old? I failed at school, and I was terrified in early childhood. Freezing when I was away from home . Bullied all the way throughout my life. Told that I had no place in the school system, then I couldn't keep a job, and then I got kicked out of home at 15. Alcohol and drugs were my safe place. I hated myself. I also married a narcissistic abusive man.I put myself between them and my kids. Now they blame me! I am 61 years old and have been in counselling for about 4 years now. I'm making progress, but looking after myself is still really hard. I'm even unsure about whether I'm trying to get into the presence of God 😢. So much more to say

@1HorseOpenSlay

6 ай бұрын

I know, so true. The self care seems so...? Because we never had care. It sounds like you are safe now. I hope at least you have a pet? This vid really hit home, oh my gosh. I really think though that the second half of life has become more stable and beautiful. After all, we made it this far, it's time to enjoy the sunshine 🌞💛🌞

@charlene336

6 ай бұрын

I feel what you're saying here & have had similar expereinces. I don't know you all, but I'm proud of all trauma survivors to take action to heal themselves, so keep up the good work. 💖

@selahbeloved7685

6 ай бұрын

Me too, you will break through just hang in. It gets better. I’m on the other side still getting the healing . God will restore you. Praying for your restoration 🙏🏾

@mariemonn6590

6 ай бұрын

We heal by learning to love and value ourselves...we start over again in each moment...to heal with safe people and communities...we need the healthy connection...The journey is challenging ..yet once we are on it...we will always be aware to place energy in it ...even if we fall off the wagon..we get back on as soon as possible...

@peculiarstar4261

3 ай бұрын

God loves you to be in His presence. Jesus paid the price for you ❤️

Yep, this has been my lifelong story. Thank God Jesus showed me His unconditional love. It has healed some deep wounds that no one else could heal. Definitely felt like I was dropped off from another planet and always felt like I was on the outside looking in(always suspected I have Asperger’s but now I’m wondering how much of that is true and how much is CPTSD).

This is me. Fully on point. It’s the reality of life. There is actually a name for this?!? Hmm, interesting.

I want to give you a hug, Tim Fletcher. Thank you.

Big T Trauma and Little t trauma is the difference between being fed poison and being malnourished both are tragic.

My Mother had M.S and was bedridden and my father was a grumpy workaholic, my two siblings were a decade older than myself. I am 59 and I have no blame for my upbringing. Everyone did the best they could at the time…however I have Major depressive disorder and anxious delirium. Suicidal ideation since I was 17 and off and on episodes that take my life from me as I spend it in bed with little productivity. Your videos speak to me and my own experience on a deep level and I believe that you get me more than anyone ever has and I thank you so very much ❤

All of the above and for a time i was high functioning. Now not so much. Overachiever when young and underachiever as an adult.

I identified completely with everything on this video, it's amazing ... I'm tiered of feeling lost and helpless... without knowing for sure what can i do with my life ... But at least now i can pinpoint what was wrong, and that is very helpfull Thanks Tim❤

I started to cry 5 minutes in, and I'm 59 yrs old.

Neglect trauma happens when a narcissist tricks you into getting married and then 4 weeks later withholds sex and affection and everything a woman needs

Yes, I can't depend on others and I never want to be a burden! Yes, as a child I felt very lonely! Now I'm 73, still in good shape, and I don't depend on nobody because there is Nobody!⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ In Germany I have the feeling of Neglect T.; when I am in other countries I am a new person and I don't feel this german Neglect!

@mariemonn6590

6 ай бұрын

isn't it interesting ....we can still think there is nobody.....

This is so good to hear. It’s painful too. I’m in my mid 50’s and my kids are in their thirties and we are all under one roof again( thank you God) and I am seeing the generational effects play out in real time. Without Tim and this channel I don’t wanna think of how badly this could go. The growth in myself is noticed by them. They still think I’m crazy and won’t let me share this stuff with them but that’s ok. It only takes one person to affect the dynamics. So grateful to you Tim. Thank you that my children get a different version of me in their lifetime!!!❤🙏

This answered every question I've ever had about why I am the way i am. Thank you for this information.

Im 46 and I never felt happinnes or connected it is so painful....the neglect was so deep that I dont feel my self....

@janetwestbrook3245

2 ай бұрын

@ronihalfon9720....I'm so sorry, hun, I know your pain. I want to share with you that there is someone so much better than our parents, and that's our Father God who says He will never leave us nor forsake us. AMEN🙌 I am SO thankful I have my Father God...LORD JESUS who died a torturous death for me. THAT IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that you never have to question.

I resonate with most of these characteristics of neglect, but importantly I learned that my mother and her older sister were on there own at 13 and 15 years old. So this family dysfunction becomes generational past down, my mom was from a wounded and neglected childhood herself. We become enmeshed by the people we spend the most time with. My parents were stingy with there money and sadly it rubbed off onto us, a poor financial conscience always thinking you’re poorer than you really are.

@janetgardner6774

4 ай бұрын

Scarcity that wasn't really there, yes same

thank you Mr. Fletcher for the enlightening information you provide thru this medium. You are the most compassionate and informative teacher on this subject today! God bless you!

Thank you so much for this video. I have done a lot of therapy. A lot was CBT which did help and I benefitted from that. But the biggest changes came when I had a therapist who guided & nurtured me through all the emotional stuff. Life changing .

Well... Seems I have a little bit of "big T" trauma, and a lot of "little t" trauma. Thank you for the information 😊

I didn't know about this. Now i understand myself better. But at 75 there's slim hope for much improvement. My goose is cooked.

0:30 little t trauma / of absence 3:40 chart .. ie secure attachment at every stage of life 5:16 emotional neglect 5:40 3 skills of the parent chart 9:06 Jonice book 10 Adult presentation - of Emotional neglect 1 feeling of emptiness

This is an absolute gem of a video, Tim. Thank you so much for caring enough to put this knowledge out there. As a 26 year old male, I can relate to almost everything. My mom was a tyrant who physically abused me both in private and in front of others. She was extremely controlling and suffocated me, often by talking to me like I was an imbecile or guilt-tripping me over insignificant religious stuff. My dad was a pushover and had a tangible fear of her, wouldn't ever stand up for himself, and he was also indifferent towards me. I think this gave me a strange mix of feelings: "I'm unimportant and unlovable by default, and I also don't have permission to be myself and form an identity." I seriously wouldn't wish this type of trauma upon anyone. Children deserve to be treated better, with much respect and dignity, even if they are imperfect.

@lexlibovych4584

2 ай бұрын

I totally understand you. Its horrible not to experience real love as a child

To be honesy I still cannot comprehend the term "emotional need"

Thank you Mr. Fletcher, I often watch and follow your input. I think one has also to consider, "repetitive, multiple traumatic experiences" experienced during a whole lifetime, accompanied with higher than normal stress levels amounts to as much impact as a severe Traumatic event.

Some of us should not have gotten married or had kids at the time we did. But this gives a lot of hope!

Thank you for these explanations Tim, they truly are life saving. With regards to acknowledging the trauma, over here in the UK, although CPTSD has been recognised since 2019 we are still discouraged from facing the traumatic past. We are constantly told that we are creating a self defeating narrative by acknowledging it and we should find healthier ways of constructing our life story. I recognise that the goal of acknowledging the trauma is not to have an excuse to act badly or be cruel to ourselves and others but we are actively discouraged from taking this step. This, I feel, is a great disservice to the sufferers and the glacial rate of the uptake of CPTSD is a shame on the healing industry in my country. Bless you for helping the message break through!

HOMICIDAL Rage and SUICIDAL grief consume every cell of my being. BELOW ARE SIGNS OF A TRAUMA BONDED RELATIONSHIP, THAT IS SURELY DESTINED TO END IN PAIN AND MISERY: 1. Your relationship is solely about the romantic pull 2. You don't like their friends 3. You spend too much time together 4. Your relationship feels one-sided 5. You feel controlled 6. You can't FULLY be yourself around them 7. You don't feel COMPLETELY accepted 8. You fight all the time 9. You don't trust each other 10. They're regularly mean to other people 11. They're passive aggressive 12. The timing isn't right REMEMBER: Some people will leave you, it's not the ending of your story, it's just the ending of their role, in your story. ('Cause life goes on...)

The king is back with another video 🙏🏻🖤

@NE0Nwhip

6 ай бұрын

I know right, I just discovered him and I resonate and really need to hear the depth of this topic more

@moonlightandfuchsias

6 ай бұрын

He is a gift!! I found him two years ago and i have watched almost every video now.😁 lol.@@NE0Nwhip

I remember feeling so empty and sad and wounded as a child and wondering how could i feel that way when nothing too bad was happening..

Me and my sisters all suffer from different types of childhood trauma but, each of us I hear in this presentation today 😢

A wonderful and much needed look at neglect. Thank You ❤

Unfortunately all 10 of these are me. Growing up in a Domestic V house I swore that no one would ever lay a hand on me. I kept that promise but spent my early life making very poor choices until I fell pregnant at 24. A single parent. My son was my saviour. He and my daughter are what kept me alive. They gave me a purpose. So, here I am now aged 55. A year ago my son announces he’s getting married. I become totally overwhelmed with emotion that he has achieved everything I could have wished for him, but I was stuck. I’ve done my job. I had raised 2 well adjusted children and only then admitted to myself that I had to confront my traumatic upbringing and admit I had depression. The 40 year suppression of my depression was necessary to deal with all of continuous dysfunction of extended family.

I actually feel an obligation to nurture others and i m always disapointed and feel guilty of not achieving as much as i would have wanted

Wow! You actually know what you're talking about. I wish I watched this 10 years ago

@josefn.8297

3 ай бұрын

I wish I had watched it 40 years ago. 🙂 The accuracy and completeness in describing my sufferings are outstanding.

Spooky. The entire 43:55 was SO true to my life. I love these Friday night talks, Tim knows the subject matter so well. It is so gratifying to have a compete stranger explain your life to you without ever seeing it. This channel has taught me so much about myself. 10/10 !

I can pretty much relate to much of what you have said here Tim. Luckily I did realise the neglect and have had much therapy in my life to deal with it. Thank you for putting this together in a video.

What good is knowing all this especially late in the game. I was an orphan and NEVER was held by my burth mother...Therapy is so expensive!

I felt great staying alone, and yet I was heavily neglected. Because the dynamics between the other membes of my family were upsetting to me.

Thats a relief to have some Light over my life situtation.....i can relate to every point you mention....im 36and feel desesperate that nothing seem to work for me

Wow this is so amazing! Finally some information that helps you make sense of what you’re feeling and going through. Thank you so much for your teaching

I’m so glad I found your channel a lot resonates with me. I’ve been doing counselling for several months now at 40 the effects on all areas of my life are massive . My parents didn’t have the tools and emotional intelligence to have children and passed on trauma. I look forward now journaling every day and know this is a journey. I do feel great sadness for the effects on my life I’m currently trying to heal myself and my own children but I’m willing to put in the work.

I am just discovering your videos. They are all so fantastic. Your way of describing the effects trauma is nothing short of amazing.

I would say I was mostly neglected. Growing up we had a very unstable home, had my grandma and grandpa until i was like 9, then grandma moved across the US because grandpa kept cheating. He worked nights so i would only see him on his way to sleep, while my mom was rarely around unless she was drunk or high on bath salts and god knows what else. This is the only parental validation i ever got, my kom kept my dad in court to pay child support but it all just went straight to her addictions. Now that im older (graduated from college) i would say ive experienced several spirals of fear and shame to the point where i actually caught myself acting highly inconsiderate, rude and aggressive several times and ive burned bridges with most people ive met. Glad theres a resource like this channel to help process this, people dont seem to understand that a household plunged in psychological problems is not trauma-free, i live with such a lack of awareness of others feelings because i never felt validated my whole life and i guess came to accept i had to reflect that energy. I dont want to, i do live with feelings of shame and regret and in a lot of ways i do want revenge, but what i actually want and need is some understanding and support.

I agree… heart breaking consequences. I parented my divorced parents since I can remember. 🙂‍↔️ Thank goodness KZread recommended Tim’s channel. Loving his easy to understand approach & helpful advice. Watching you Tim from Perth Western Australia ❤

Can a person be both codependent and counter dependent?

I’ve never been able to put this into works. All of it resonates.

This helped me a lot to understand myself better, although I have been analyzing my trauma outcomes already for a long time. Many thanks!

This is the most accurate description of what I have been going through thanks for the info 🎉

U are amazing....all of ur videos are amazing, i wish i could bring all the people on earth to ur channel Thank you for what you do ❤❤

In my opinion neglect is worse than abuse, but I can only speak from my experience.

How are so wise on this subject Tim? I have guilt for feeling all the things you describe. I can't show emotions well. I love people but can't reach out. I can feel unhappy when I see happy families, good parents, and good grandparents. But I can't love myself because I feel such a failure in life. Like I've achieved little. I have a bible hope that keeps me going, but everything I want and need are in the future.

Thank you, Tim. Happy New Year!

Oh this is really sad for me. ❤❤❤ That was difficult to hear.❤❤❤ thank you ❤❤❤ awwww.

Extremely helpful! I started crying 😢

Excellent!! Thank you, sir!!

This education tells all...we all suffer and there's a way out....and so let the individual healing begin and watch the collective healing be birthed...Jesus renews the heartmind....Jesus is the healer...

heh the worst is how you will give no compassion to yourself, but your parents no problem they have lots of excuses to have neglected you... It's such a hard hurdle to get past.

Thank you Tim!!❤

It’s hard to see how any parent couldn’t be neglectful when they have to work so long to afford anything in this corrupt world

@olgakim4848

6 ай бұрын

Then why bring children into this "corrupt world" if a parent is so busy that she/he cannot meet vital, important needs of their children? Don't even bother.

@drumming_as_religion

2 ай бұрын

Are you justifying incompetence because of a 'corrupt world'? we all have 24 hours a day...

@NE0Nwhip

2 ай бұрын

@@drumming_as_religion I'm not justifying anything, but that's realistic. Look around and see how kids grow up on their tablets bc parents are busy working or too tired or incompetent to parent.

@NE0Nwhip

2 ай бұрын

@@olgakim4848 Yeah, that's what I observe. I'm not having any children.

@leonoramartinez229

2 ай бұрын

Exactly 😢

Wow…I resonated with this video so much

I only realised about two years ago in my 60s that I had trauma from emotional neglect. I have about 98% of the issues that Tim read out. Life's hard but I'm stoic. Luckily my children had everything I didn't and are loved and they know it. I knew children had to be shown love, and as a child I wanted to have children to undo the wrongs that had been done to me. No cuddles, no kisses, no playing with my parents ever, never told I was loved, constantly criticized, shamed and scolded. Trauma has affected my whole life, from relationships to work. I know I can't feel emotional. I almost never cry and if I do I cry alone. I feel shame and weak for having cried. Being alone or with my children or fantastic friends is my solace. I don't want new people in my life, it's too exhausting.

The "instinct to deny or minimize" that Tim talks about is a key factor in the dissociation and cognitive dissonance that emotional neglect causes. We have been taught to think that if we admit we were neglect, that equals having terrible parents. Truthfull, the two are not mutually exclusive. One does not equate the other. They exists separately. And the idea that parents may have preopogared or tried to encourage that "life is all good" is part of what caused the pain because it Denys the hurtful aspect s and experiences of growing up. We have to learn to acknowledge for lhrselves the painful parts of childhood. But aknowledgig the bad does NOT take away the good. Healthy, regulated people learn in childhood how to hold both the idea that things were good and at other times they were bad. Holding the And Possibility- instead of it having. To be one way or the other. In fact, this type of black and white thinking and catastrophizing that it must've been "all bad" - is in and of itself a hallmark of mental disorder and trauma... the inability to comprehend or hold grey areas. The kind wants to split and thin it was all one way or another. It seems obvious- but this type of thinking is often at the foundation of the distress and dysfunction behind trauma and emotional neglect- because it is so fundamental to our way of viewing thte world. Once we can open up and see that by accepting the bad, it doesn't mean we take away the good.. AND also, it doesn't mean that it wa small bad or that our parents were bad. Parents can do their best and children can still have not had needs met- both can exist at the same Time. Realizing this is the beginning of unwinding the cognitive dissonance and distorted beliefs that underlie thought patterns for many with childhood trauma..

Thank you. 🙏

I was a burndern and a position. Lots of people abused me and when told my mother. She preferefed made me keep mu mouth shout and ignored me just to keep the peace with her family

I think you're an Angel

Described me to a 't.' Many caring fathers may feel that one of their primary roles in meeting a child's needs is to set an example - to model strength, independence, determination, self-reliance, competence and self-confidence. I think this was true of my own father, who was a devoted family man and a constant, stable presence. I too believe in cultivating those character traits. But I can't say I really knew or understood my father, or how he felt about me. So much was lost.

Wow, this is amazing. I need help with this exact thing. Thx Tim

I had a lot of neglect in my childhood. It seems to have fueled overeating, since I had a lack of care and sometimes food as a child. I've tried many diets and the only thing is worked has been intuitive eating. I think because my overeating stems from fear that it won't be there next time. Luckily I'm an adult with access to both welfare programs and food banks. In my country it's very unlikely I will starve and it's helped me relax.

Tim, What is the name of the lady you mention, yet still didn't give her name who counsel you or trained you?

Thank you!

There is this thought in my head , you're pothetic , you're pothetic look at you... Look at everyone else your age some met only one person and married them... Some have long term real friendships, some have wonderful familly you have none of this you failed in all your relationships you're going to end up alone. You'll keep watching ppl your age happy in their marriages and kids while you keep watching crying because you are broken inside 💔

Tim my sister and I were raised by narcissistic parent mother, everything you're saying about) about emotional neglect is me! II was the scape goat child. my sister was The Golden child. My brother and her were not as abused as badly. Only when I ran away. Everything you're saying is on point but,I'm so overly emotional and overly trusting I have so many emotions I have love compassion toward people and always have I overshare ,over love and everything every single thing you're saying is so right it's it's it's unbelievable but Itrust everyone and get taken advantage of soI often t want to know why I do that

Ive seen so many studies saying neglect can be worse depending on the severity. I was abused and neglected in every sense of the word. And neglect has cut me in a way that i just can't heal

everything in this video is about me and im crying rn

I have every single one of those characteristics in all categories, seems I am textbook . I still suffer from it as an older never married female adult.

Bingo! And thank you. 🙏

Thank you for this. This is so me. I'm currently having therapy but how does someone join your programme?

thank you.🥺