No contact with my family of origin was my only way to heal emotionally. No regrets!!

@TranscendingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Same ❤️

@stillstanding1335

Жыл бұрын

Good for you. Insane family systems only warp us as long as we stay in them.

@ering7664

Жыл бұрын

Same here. A big price to pay for freedom from toxicity sadly. As soon as I learned about narcissistic mothers, triangulation and enmeshment it all made sense. I hadn’t a clue before I started on my own healing journey. I couldn’t stay in it once I began to notice everything. I have created a new family now filled with love that’s not conditional. Stay well x

@godzillamanstreb524

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!

@sunnydaye5942

Жыл бұрын

Same

@ around 37:39 statements are made with regard to the potential that someone may just have learned behaviours and that they may not actually have narcissism. I value this point. At the same time I struggle with it. I hope no one who may be stuck inside of a narcissistic relationship would explain away their own experience using a narcissist's past as an excuse. Forest And Dr Malkin are correct in pointing out that the difference can be observed in a pattern of rigidity. My husband was raised by parents who had emigrated from war torn countries. For years I over utilized my empathy and explained away his overbearing, rejecting or confusing behaviours based on my knowledge of his abrasive and cold upbringing. I could teach him that I'm no threat. I could love him enough that he would come to see that love is so much more fulfilling and meaningful than the thick wall of self protection. 16 years later, I am picking myself up off the flour. First, I've had to come to terms with the fact that the coldness that raised him is actually impermeable. My love could never consistently reach him, let alone fix him. Next I've had to come to terms with my own past and how childhood taught me to care for others while ignoring my own needs. Why did I think it was my place to fix him anyway?! Now and for the foreseeable future I remove my focus from him, placing it solely on myself. This feels so foreign, so unnatural, so against aspects of my flawed belief system. Sometimes I feel like the narcissist. Sometimes I still act out of desperation which looks very narcissistic. Mine however is a walk of self motivated inner searching, learning and changing patterns that no longer serve me.

@artandculture5262

Жыл бұрын

Narcissists don’t like other selves.

@prahslra

Жыл бұрын

@R Wells I absolutely resonate with your comment. I share the exact same experience and subsequent understanding.

@Adam-xs3ng

Жыл бұрын

Yes, after 5 years of trying to rescue a marriage with a covert narcissist I've had to accept nothing is going to change their behaviour. The first clue as to what is was dealing with was when I vocalised my own vulnerabilities, admitted my mistakes and pointed out how I wanted to be better. She weaponised all that information and made me even more insecure. 1 year after divorce I'm slowly rebuilding my confidence and self esteem. Good luck on your journey and don't feel bad about taking the time and resources to work on yourself.

@oilselevated4808

Жыл бұрын

32 years and now free.

@prahslra

Жыл бұрын

@@oilselevated4808 Congratulations! You are now free to heal. For me it was 23 years, but I soon saw that my problems pre-dated that marriage, stretching right the way back to infancy in fact. Tracing my way back and reconstructing myself along healthier lines has been difficult - sometimes painful - but oh so rewarding. I am blessed to have found a remarkable therapist who has taught me to trust myself again. I offer you deep respect for surviving your nightmare and wish you all success as you explore your beautiful new freedom.

They most definitely know the impact of their actions on others and they take advantage of that. Also they understand that other ppl are kinder and exploit that as well.

I have been married to a definite narcissistic personality disorder husband for 37 yrs and he is absolutely getting worse and worse with age and it’s incredible to watch his downward spiral into a darker and darker person! I see very little if any empathy in him. If he shows any it’s actually so very fake to me as a show in front of others. He is a very scary person. 😢

@flamingbliss6998

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that. What are you going to do about your situation?

@kaystephens2672

Жыл бұрын

Yes. I realized after my adopted mother passed away 8 years ago that she had some very serious emotional problems that were detrimental to my life. I know it's almost impossible to imagine a different life outside of this insidious behavior. But what made me start digging was a case of serious anxiety and why that was. It was for clearly self-preservation reasons. Which was not fostered for 61 years. I was set up to be a caretaker fixer. To get off on that breadcrumb rush. I still do it but am stepping outside and looking in at my past as objectively as possible with logic instead of for reasons or excuses of shame and blame. I believe OCD is nothing more than learned behaviors to avoid an irrational consequence. It's a very daunting task to do your own work. But in the end, what I truly believe is that we were just dealing with people with nurtured emotional problems. I know I'll never be able to be in another marriage due to my upbringing. There's just no way I can stop catering to other people's needs and giving in to their feelings. I was conditioned to do just that as many of us were. I think the only way to have any kind of respectable life is to cut them off. There's no negotiating with these people. They're too special for us minions in their minds.

@whendays659

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that. A channel that really helps me process how the narcissistic people in my life affected me is Dr. Ramani. Best of luck getting back to yourself! Also, Gabor Mate has a lot of helpful things to say about recovering from trauma.

@dorainetoms1894

Жыл бұрын

Dr Ramani and Lisa Romano youtube

@dorainetoms1894

Жыл бұрын

Yes to Gabor Mate!

Just before minute 48, the doctor being interviewed was not talking about staying in relationship with an unhealthily narcissistic person during recovery, he was talking about the coping mechanism that babies toddlers children and even teenagers develop in order to *maintain a relationship with an unhealthy caregiver for their own survival* and thereby *those coping mechanisms becoming part of the subconscious and negatively affecting current relationships*. Adult relationships are not supposed to mimic child-parent ones. They are supposed to be adult-adult with selfcare, and mutually interactive caretaking as per the vicissitudes of need.

32 years of deception, lies, betrayals, public humiliation, insults under the guise of jokes, passive aggressive outbursts, chaos, abandonment and now he’s dead. Sadly if he were still alive, my torture would be ongoing. I’m grateful for my health and healing and looking forward to my new life, never again to tolerate abusive behavior from anyone

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

This has nothing necessarily to do with narcissism, but cheers for your new life!

@oilselevated4808

23 күн бұрын

@@rv706 it’s actually textbook, classic narcissism

56:00.. even if you get the wrong response it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong 😌

It's truly a great thing that there is so much information and education about what narcissism is and how it can destroy you if you are an empath or someone who enjoys being a people pleaser (like myself). Recognizing the damage narcissists do to individuals as to society as a whole is critical to understand and be able to recognize when it's happening. I am recovering from life long narcissistic abuse and I am grateful to now see and know what I now know. I have not lost myself, I'm still the same person, I'm just more aware about spotting narcissist (and their flying monkeys) and the ways in which they operate. There are a lot of them out there, that's for sure.

@mystrength5640

Жыл бұрын

Glad your recovering, Hope you go from Strength to Strength! I’m still waiting to go Noo contact! Few months to go yet! 🌸

@k.o.hakala2112

Жыл бұрын

Good luck buddy, I think I just realised I have internalised a number of narcissistic cognitive drives. Misunderstood genius etc.

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

Self-proclaimed "Empaths" are just people with high narcissistic traits and too much time to spend on the internet.

Exactly when i needed this. Thank you so much. My father has Narcisistic personality disorder (Although he only seems to have empathy when its something he feels sorry for himself about or if something reminds him of his grandad) and lately i have been on the other end of his agressive reckless behaviour after he was putting on a mask for a while since i moved out into my own place. I have really bad c-PTSD as a result of being abused by him for 20+ years on top of a few other traumas i have experienced. Since i care about him and dont want to hurt his feelings (he is very sensitive to rejection) i need to find ways i can deal with him rather than cut him out of my life. I am also having to be the emotional support for my mother since she still lives with him and he puts her down, blames her for being the abuser and doing what he has done to her over the years, tries to make her abandon her family, tells her she is an abuser for not abandoning her family for him and controls her with passive aggressive behaviour. So i have a lot put onto my plate and really needed this video, so thank you thank you thank you

@user-zr2ur9zp4w

3 ай бұрын

It's really hard for someone like you because the tricky issue is that although we are damaged by narcissists, many of us empathise with them. We see their vulnerability. They then believe that we owe it to them to be kind and empathic, Afterall, we are not as successful as THEY are.

I just had one of those amazing moments of clarity! I love how you spoke about people being taught to behave in a disordered way. I feel validated. Thank you!!!

@aubreyj.tennant1123

Жыл бұрын

That was a breakthrough moment for me too!

Please have Dr. Malkin back. It was informative and healing. I took notes. Very helpful. Thank you.

With the extinction burst... When it was clear that my relationship with my ex-husband was happening, he seemed to ramp up or basically have no social breaks and it was super super chaotic and abusive. It took a lot to leave that and feel my daughter and I were safe. It then kept happening in cycles, say as divorce ending and it was not going his way or when our daughter was almost at the end of highschool and he was manipulating our daughter. Talking about this being an attachment issue and then using that term extinction burst has been a helpful way to "explain" some of this. Anyhow thanks. I'll listen a couple more times to process all of this.

I settled a lawsuit against my communal narc psychiatrist while seeking help while in narc 33 yr marriage. These people in positions of mental health care are very harmful to patients.

@jennw6809

6 ай бұрын

I'm so inspired you settled a lawsuit. I've had several narcissistic therapists, including a famous one who's written multiple books. She was severely dissociative too and did therapy on me in different parts of herself. She was an inch from the horizon of seeing herself, like so many great psychological theorists. So fascinating he mentions Heinz Kohut in this exact same way!

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

"Narc" as in "diagnosed with NPD", or as in "you've armchair diagnosed them because you're a disgruntled ex wife/patient"? It sounds like you're quite paranoid and you've found a suitable scapegoat from internet pop psychology.

@pppp67567

21 күн бұрын

I have met a full on self aware Narcissist with a 40 year marriage to a counsellor. I've seen them tag team bully and harass people, including purposely attempting to traumatise someone.

Narcissistic abuse victim is often a shamed, low in healthy narcissism, altruistic type, who plays the role of a free, usually not requested therapist for a person who is not interested in change. We need to develop a secure attachment with ourselves, get over the unconscious feeling of guilt and go through all stages of grief to let go of this need to help them and finally be able to provide the feeling of wellness to the one that deserved it truly from us - ourselves. I don't think it is good either to encourage lay people to approach "relationships with narcissists with no abuse" by some forms of trying to teach them secure attachment. It's a road to nowhere with a true NPD person. You can try it with someone who has narcissistic traits and is maybe otherwise a decent enough friend, if you feel it boosts your self esteem or satisfies your "hero complex". But even with those highly narcissistic types - is this actally healthy relating on our end or is it in a way actually disrespectful to someone who is an adult and chooses to behave in a certain way, to think we know better and try to perform some covert therapy on them, without their request?

I though I knew so much about the subject. I really learned so much from this today. Craig is so knowledgeable and Forrest guided things in a way that flowed so well. One of the best presentations I’ve seen on this subject and I’ve seen a lot of them. The recap added a high degree of professionalism. 🙏🏼😊

Wow., this is soo appropriate for me now! Going through a 36 year Discard with a Covert Narc. They couldn’t go deep emotionally with anyone in this time! But loved putting others ahead of me.. ! But I never heard about their childhood, even though I enquired many times! No one really got to know them, other than them being a busy BEE, to look like the perfect Person doing things to an extreme for others! They struggled to be honest! Lying was their life! 😢 Very few emotions were ever seen when times were Sad. 😢

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

"Covert Narc" as in "diagnosed with NPD by a professional", or as in "you've armchair diagnosed him because you're a disgruntled ex wife"?

Love this! I I actually tried the communal approach you mentioned with someone after I watched this. The result was very positive. I have in the past badgered on the narcissistic ways of the individual and have failed to hone in to their core need. Thank you so much for this video.

This is an extraordinarily helpful representation of the current knowledge about narcissism.

31:25 Running a complex business, I’ve noticed that with some employees, if you ask them to do something, they will immediately come up with a “better” way of doing it, or else go and do something altogether different. This is particularly noticeable in new employees, and it’s an early indication that they will not make good team players.

@Alphacentauri819

10 ай бұрын

I'd get more curious about that. Having worked with thousands of patients...sometimes people are trying to "prove" their worth or that they are valuable enough for a company, by showing they've thought of other ideas too. They want to show they have thought things through too. It very much depends on your, and their communication, to really get the truth...vs a narrative informed by potential biases and cognitive distortions.

@prahslra

10 ай бұрын

@@Alphacentauri819 Yes you could well be correct, and I welcome and encourage feedback and suggestions from my team; just not on day one. Not when I have just explained how we do things and before even trying it they immediately come up with another way. Fair enough, if they spontaneously come up with a brilliant suggestion, but that is rarely the case on day one of their employment.

So helpful guys, my child abusing Mum's 100th birthday we celebrated her, yet 3.5 months later she finally writes me to immediately launch into her attack mode blaming me and denying I even apologized which I did at the start of the phone call, followed with a Zoom call where I beamed love and kindness to her. She has never changed to see us kids as adults so we are still in her boxes of good/dependent narcissistic child and the bad/independent thinkers who don't accept her abuse. Stunned by her response with not a drop of responsibility taking on her end, she deepened my disappointment as she answered my questions in a point form narrative. No mothering, no kindness, no love just as nasty against those of us kids who she labelled as Unwanted kids! I see her chosen children were smothered and did not develop confidence or empathy i relationships either; they didn't benefit from her mothering in my opinion and I studied this as a BSW at University. I'm pleased to have grieved what I needed to and now, see only how sad she is and at friken 100! Where I grew my Self up wlearnig from the metaphors of mother nature as my guide and the role models I found attractive; then sociology, generalist social work studies and practices with training including Dr. Gabor Mate's works I feel very happy within and am improving my relationships with my 3 alienated kids too. Never give up understanding and always seek more understanding of the human beings behaviours based on the Bio-Psycho-Social-environment all influences...we can only imagine and at times that's no0t very easy to do.

@artandculture5262

Жыл бұрын

I have a mother with no empathy, no love, who says she cannot be nurturing. The most troubled person in our sibling set has lived with her for over 20 years, so that her never recognizing us as adults got a permanent alcoholic live-in child. At 81, she is getting darker too, like you described. We don’t know how her pet dependent will be able to pay to house himself upon her demise. She has only 2 grandchildren from 4 children. Life isn’t natural feeling with lack of mothering.

Another great podcast! I love learning new ways to communicate and this podcast gave solid methods for building empathic relationships with those who are very self-absorbed or who are narcissistic.

Channels like this are medicine.

terrific episode - many thanks.

Well done, Forrest. I think the summaries at the end are actually critical. Nice that you tie the themes together in this section.

"Emotional Hot Potato" Defined: 30:47 A new narcissism vocabulary word to me! Very familiar with the pattern....Never knew there was a phrase for it. Appreciate it!!!

Very helpful. Thank you both for the clarity, and concrete examples of how to be kind and empathic with a deeply narcissistic person, and the acknowledgement of how difficult it is, whether one stays or decides to leave that relationship.

this was fascinating and personally and relationally revelatory for me, thank you

Love how you recap the content at the end of your videos.

Married to a EEE for 17 years before the mask dropped. Looking in the rear view mirror without my rose colored glasses has been a terrifying experience. Having difficulty forgiving myself for having been so trusting and gullible.

@jennw6809

6 ай бұрын

I absolutely understand. Try to be kind to yourself. You were likely programmed to take this treatment before your marriage.

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

"An EEE" as in "diagnosed with malignant narcissistic PD", or as in "you've armchair diagnosed him because you're a disgruntled ex wife on the internet"?

Thank you Drs. Hanson & Dr. Malkin, for all your work & insightful videos. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!! 🎉🎁🎄⛄💥

I’ve learned so much in the 45 minutes I’ve listened! Thank you so much!

Wanting everyone to reach their optimum potential is healthy. Wanting to feel you are The Way is unhealthy.

This is the info I have been looking for! So glad I found your channel! I think I am will be learning for quite awhile

Thank you so much!

Love this lecture.

Good Podcast with lots of information. I would also like to gently push back on something. It's been my consistent experience that revealing any personal feeling to the N is dangerous. Sharing the 'why' their contempt hurts you will simply weaponize them for future attacks. They're quick learners that twist information to take whatever they want or need.

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

"The N" as in "diagnosed with NPD", or as in "you've armchair diagnosed him because you're a disgruntled ex wife"?

Wow, this was really enlightening!

15:15 So what is up with the people who are nice in public and terrible at home?

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

They're hypocritical? 🤷🏼

Great conversation! Well done!

Great discussion, thank you.

Extremely good content, thanks so much.

This is excellent!

May I ask why it is so difficult to find tips, tactics and strategies to survive, to combat slander, to diffuse, to fight against financial abuse. It seems we are always focusing on narcs. I feel like a specialist .

@Alphacentauri819

10 ай бұрын

Focus on yourself. Focus on where you dismiss, invalidate, don't show up, criticize, yourself (especially internal dialogue, thoughts). Those are key to change. You can not change a narcissist. Ever. It is like trying to get a snake to be a puppy. It won't happen. So you protect yourself. Get away from the snake, through boundaries. Know your needs and have your own back. Know who you are and don't self abandon. Wasting much time trying to correct anything a narcissist does, is wasting precious time and energy. That's why. You can only do anything about yourself.

@Crcorso57

10 ай бұрын

@@Alphacentauri819 agree AND way too much info on and about narcissists not enough on coexisting while living with and filed for divorce abusive narc

I love this Dr. Malkin. I will be sure to follow him. He's a wealth of knowledge and understanding of this pernicious nuisance in our society. It seems to have become an epidemic.

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

It is certainly a moral panic on the internet. Like "hysteria" a century ago or psychopathy a few years ago.

Special in their prison of lacking a self. When your around people who make you think when your around them because you intuition says something’s missing or the introverted Type this person is to much of a victim. Or the communal who is he only person special enough to say the prayer yet they might have disdain for those they supposedly help.

Great defining of different types. I guess I bump into communal ones. I don't get giving away scam deals to others. I guess to charm them, but don't give anonymously. I have to say I pushed the hoarding out of my house to give to charities. It's all a enigma to me. It seem obsessive in many ways,collecting deals, overdoing things like cutting veggies, washing dishes...on and on. I am not good at compulsive behaviors. I am complicit to suggesting to not hoard (it scared me), so he gave things away to gain favors. I failed, taught him empathy too and started mimicking me. He seem robotic to me, but others believed him. He aced it! He used to say he had little empathy.

Struggling now w a family member definatly "introverted". The co-dependncy and the anvil-headedness; ground hogs day its so frustrating.

Very good talk1 I just wanna say "hmmmmm", though... Whenever I hear this particular definition of covert narcissism it throws me for a loop all over again. I'm beginning to wonder if there may be THREE types. Overt/Covert/Vulnerable...and the covert and vulnerable types are not yet clearly differentiated from each other. The reason this has a disturbing effect on me is because I've been trying to understand what is going on with a family member of mine whom I've known my entire life...and frankly, I've all but narrowed it down to covert narcissism. However, she's "not" an introvert. Nor is she anything like "shy". Yes she will "feign" something like "meekness" when it serves her purposes (which IS fairly frequently)...but unlike an introvert, she is truly energized by, and I'd even say "fed" by interaction with others. She doesn't appear like an "overt" narcissist, but I'll admit, that might just be because she is intelligent...and has "honed" her tactics to a fine point....She KNOWS what will fly and what won't and will not do anything that might compromise the admiration she works constantly to cultivate...always needs the full attention, compliance and admiration of everyone in her presence...highly manipulative through very covert/sneaky means that easily go undetected by anyone who hasn't been around her enough to recognize the pattern...very charming "most of the time" (because it's what works for her "most of the time")...and then covertly rageful toward anyone who she can't either ensnare into her sphere of control, or be rid of. (but it's extremely rare that she will outwardly "show" this rage) Meaning, if she must endure anyone she can't control (usually via emotional manipulation..including the "emotional hot potato" mentioned here...one of her "faves") she will resort to the use of flying monkeys...gaslighting...playing victim...pretty much anything that will "punish" the person she isn't able to control, without letting on that she has any intention or desire to punish them. I could go on and on with examples, but my point is...... "THERE MUST BE MORE THAN ONE DEFINIITION OF A COVERT NARCISSIST" because I've heard them....I've heard some that match up completely with the behavior of my own family member...and I've heard definitions of "vulnerable narcissists" that sound quite different...that include terms like "introvert"...often "sullen"...or "self-pitying"...."shy"....etc.... This is a whole different animal than the other definitions of "covert narcissism" I've heard. I'm CONFUSED! The way it's described here my family sounds like maybe I'm dealing with "a very sneaky overt narcissist who actually IS trying to hide her motivations". Maybe that would be a better fit for my family member than "vulnerable narcissist". I'm actually beginning to feel that what some people might have identified as "vulnerable narcissism", could actually be something more like a person with CPTSD who is just losing their sanity. This does happen. Or maybe I just haven't witnessed this type first hand. What you say about the "communal narcissist" (which I got to, only after writing the above) fits my family member better than the other descriptions provided here. (Turns out she was actually IN a "spiritual community" that some folks feel was a "cult" for a few years, as well) And just to comment on the difference (to me) between communal narcissism and any average self-respecting person who expects at least a modicum of recognition for the help/work/support they contribute.(no one wants their contributions to be completely dismissed or ignored) ...would be the presence or absence of a "need" to be seen as the "most" helpful...or the "most" kind...the "most" selfless....and a constant effort to receive this recognition as if they're addicted to it. Someone who can barely tolerate not being seen as "the best" in the group.

@lisalyons4012

Жыл бұрын

Maybe she’s a malignant narcissist. Watch Dr Ramini’s KZread videos.

@C.Hawkshaw

Жыл бұрын

I think that just like with attachment profiles, where a person can go from avoidant to anxious in a heartbeat, according to what will get them what they want/need, the N will use any and all tools in their pursuit of needs. A person is building a house. They need a hammer, nails, lumber, a saw, a friend, a plumber, an electrician, roofing materials etc., etc. They will use whatever they need to get what they want: a house. l think it really confuses people to have to figure out exactly which kind of N they are dealing with. I think all Narcissistic behaviors should be clearly listed but not divided into this kind and that kind.

@macoeur1122

Жыл бұрын

@@C.Hawkshaw Yeah...I've kind of thought of it this way myself at times. I mean, someone who will go to any length to get what they need...Why would it be reasonable to expect them to "stay in one lane" (these "lanes" are constructs created by observations of "general tendencies")...but it does seem like a no-brainer that any narcissist will use whatever they can find at their disposal...and when/if one thing stops working or they suspect that tactic is at risk of being recognized in a group whose acceptance (and supply) they depend upon, it makes sense that they would drop that tactic (or change it up), and use whatever tools work best in the environment they find themselves in. Another thing, I'm actually realizing is that this person actually "does" play the victim....Just not in the "obvious" way I've heard vulnerable narcissists tend to....I didn't immediately recognize it because she's soooo.....bleeping....sneaky about it, that it took noticing how often others in the family would, for some mysterious reason, believe that "I" was being unneccessarily hurtful to "her", and then, from there, connecting the dots to realize "Oooooohhhh....!...She doesn't do the whole "victim" thing when I'm present, because she knows it would flop in the light of the truth...She saves her crocodile tears for those who will be fooled by them!" ...and I also think she "believes" if I don't actually "catch" her flat out lying...she still has me fooled...and having me fooled is "valuable" to her. I haven't not told her I believe she's a narcissist. I have been "playing dumb" because I know it's the only way to stay safe and to continue having a relationship with everyone else in the family who does not yet "get" her game. So I'm now considering whether she is a cross between a Communal narcissist and a Covert/Vulnerable narcissist...and has just mastered the art of knowing exactly which tools to use in each situation and with each person she's interacting with.

@jennw6809

6 ай бұрын

Sounds like a communal to me !!!!

How about the narcissistic couple who become a dynamic-duo of narcissistic abuse?

@pppp67567

21 күн бұрын

I know such a couple in their early 60's now. One is a self aware but still terribly behaved Narcissist, his wife is a counsellor with over 30 years experience as a social worker, and 10 in counselling. Both pretend to be highly religious and wear their positions and religion like a reflective sheild. They are like nothing else I've seen before. I've seen them in an active full-on campaign to gaslight and traumise someone. They are partners in crime. It's scary to know the wife provides counselling to individuals in need.

Great advice and explanation, . Maybe I'm having self doubt. But . Maybe I should look at myself. And it's ok to let go of my kids . They don't owe me any respect. . Thanks to my x. , I can understand. The wounds he put us into . We are all disfunfuntional.

Please I need advice man this ain't easy to say but I need help. I'm a narcissist. Straight up. Never said it before. Been realizing it for 4 yrs.. It was when I met her. She is genuine. Loyal. Beautiful. Empathic. She's everything. My mom left when I was a kid. Lot of background story. I first decided on her because she was stunning and I immediately knew she was extremely empathic and giving. I did my usual I think you are my soul mate stuff and it didn't work. She was kind. Definitely was feeling me too. But not open for anything. It has been 4years. I got with another chick she was unbothered. I've thought many times over the 4 years that she has to be playing me. Every single time I try to hold onto that, almost hoping for it, I witness how pure she is. She loves me. We started to get close. The emotions for her are ones I've never experienced. She's never even let me kiss her. We did get very close once and I thought she was going to bounce so i ghosted her and got a new chick. She said nothing for a few months. Then randomly said that she thinks I have childhood wounds to heal surrounding my mom. She said she knew I'd be triggered and she'd be happy cuz it would force me to at least glance there. And then instead of saying anything cruel, she said you are a good man. You pretend to not have emotions but thats because your emotions are so strong that you avoid them. Then again, you're a good man. I ended that other relationship (I still hit her up to come through) but something made me want to avoid other women, because of the special one. She has never let me get too close. Her boundaries are strong. She is not deceptive whatsoever. I spent months alone then a lot outdoors. I knew I wanted to change for her. I'd admitted to myself that my kids mom had become mentally unwell because of me 7 years back. Harsh truths. Some say that isn't narcissism but no doubt that I am. So I decided to heal so I could get this girl because for the first time I wanted someone because I felt like i wanted to keep her safe. I wanted to be good to her. I want another kid and I want it with her. And she loves me. I went within for a while. Hit an alcoholic spiral after someone publicly said a bunch of stuff about me rotten shit and this girl, my special one, this petite little beauty who wouldn't hurt a fly, got firey and defended my honor. Video wentnon the city's fb page someone of course captured it. I thanked her and she said I know what they said is true. I see you. But that means the good too. So I'm telling you in private, I know why you set your sights on me. Been a pattern in my life. I've always known. But I feel what i feel anyway. I felt pissed and like she could expose me. So I went cold turkey on her. She didn't chase. In that time I realized I was in love with her. I didn't think that was possible. But I was. Still am. It's been 3 months that I've ignored anything and everything from her. I decided to make her hate me to escape me. I truly don't want to destroy this woman. They don't make em like that. I even imagine having intimate sex with her kissing her being gentle with her. All things I don't do. And that's why I need to stay away. Does this ever happen? Is there a way I could pursue her without being afraid of destroying her? I've never cared about that. I actually wanted to destroy other females. And ya i guess i do want to destroy her so that she's mine forever. And I stay away because conversely I want to protect that heart of hers from me. Do I stay away forever? Or is there anything I can do to not be a danger to her?

@tamarathacker1179

Жыл бұрын

You've made the first step when you admitted that you have a problem. That means that you are capable of change. I suggest starting therapy. It's a hard process, but if you want to change, you are capable of change.

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

You're not "a narcissist": you're just watching youtube. Relax. "Narcissism" is a pop psychology moral panic on the internet.

In societal context, narcissism can be looked at as the legacy of people owning other people and expecting servitude with the right to abuse. Good that we are acting to change that long history but also important to retain context. Women were owned, too, in many ways many of us still are or are forced to stay in the abuse by societal systems including the legal system. In a physical context, the overlap with brain injury symptoms is worth looking at more closely. Male model trains in violence, including domestic violence. Prisons are full of brain injured men and women. See Compassion Prison Project. Healing needs to be societal and individual. Many have had to leave family, but knowing that was how our ancestors were expected to be helps understand it wasn't really about us.

I have been married to a terrible narcissist for over 30 years. I lived in hope that one day he would change, but he never has. I am now 60 years old and have extreme poor self-esteem and I would love to know more about the victims of narcissism. We have three grown up children and one of them also has become quite narcissistic and has serious problems forming close relationships

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

"Terrible narcissist" as in "diagnosed with NPD", or as in "you've armchair diagnosed him because you're a disgruntled ex wife"?

That’s really good….it’s a part of you

Be careful with malignant narcissists & psychopathic types - err on the side of caution today. People are reckless and uncivilized now. Bring a third-party & record, meet in public, lawyer up. Protect yourself first.

@QuantumMechanic8

2 ай бұрын

Lawyers and judges have a high propensity to be narcissistic and use their power to abuse. The legal system does not provide safety. And who can't afford lawyers?

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

The comment verges on paranoid traits.

27:09 is where it starts to discuss how to spot red flags

The moment when u see narcissistic traits in my self 😂

Exploitation, entitlement I knew were cornerstones of cluster b.

i mean it makes sense bro have u ever listened to sam valkin he is narcissistic and bro does he get it.

We have to embrace oiu mistakes

oh so they HAVE empathy. 🤨 so why is everyone demonizing them now. they are just not motivated to change. but if they want to change then they try for real, right? And so, they CAN change. 🤨

@Greenleafroad

2 ай бұрын

I think it takes Introspection. Objective reality and taking off the mask. Its not a easy thing for people to do. Looking at yourself in the best light is the easiest thing people do. Many reactive abusers claim to be Empaths too. Habit and thought patern is ingrained incredibly deep. The hardest thing to change is habit. It's like asking a meat eater to vegan for a year. Or a something along those lines.

Diagnosing communal narcissism seems to severely and viciously undercut efforts towards social justice, climate, fights against imperialism, militarism, police corruption. All you have to do is say "Oh, Fred is so-o-o-o-o in to organizing unions, he's clearly disordered and a communal narcissist." Martin Luther King and Malcolm X could be called "communal" narcissists and we just forget entirely about slavery and racism. "Oh, those over the top communal narcissist activist."....Or how about "How do you know Harry is a vegan? He can't stop telling me." Or the "woke" communal narcissist. Probably the weakest narcissistic diagnosis and clear cover for reactionary politics.

@Calidore1

Жыл бұрын

Why can’t you say the same about business owners? They did right at the start of this talk....

@jennw6809

6 ай бұрын

He's not saying every activist is a communal narcissist! You know them when you see them. They look so good to the outside, but then are terrible to those closest to them. Classic example is a church leader who is abusive to their family. I've had numerous therapists who were communal. I knew someone who blamed the entire failure of her marriage on her husband, but was very involved in local politics. Or my massage mentor who ended up having a relationship with a student half his age. A friend said, "I thought he was a pillar of our community!"

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

That's, sadly, one way this terrible internet pop psychology moral panic anout "Narcissism" could be weaponized. But narcissism (no capital N) is a serious and complex psychodynamic concept.

Triple E - oh that's the problem with AI!

No Narcissist wants to change for any reason. You cannot make a dog into a cat. Period

Narc parents should not breed,period

There is really only 1 profoundly narcissistic type All others are variation’s of flaws people have A true narcissist- look up in dictionary Definition They really just don’t care what we have to say About them lol they are narcissists Too much info about non real problems with variables of stuff This becomes confusing for someone who is learning about the hurt they cause Condense this

58:53 true 🥵

Whenever I watch videos on narcissism I’m always convinced I’m a narcissist 😂😂😂 oh well. I’m a kind narcissist or maybe it’s ocd. Extremists are dangerous but devoting your life to a good cause isn’t about ego it’s about care -I disagree with that part of this video.

@ivylin8103

8 ай бұрын

some are victims or abuse by narcissist person or parents.

Use your words use your vocabulary there is no such thing as healthy narcissism. That is an oxymoron. Being self-confident self-assured sell full. So I’m turning off of your station because you’ve already lost me with the term healthy narcissism study use your vocabulary good day to you sir change your lighting a little bit as well best wishes

@ForrestHanson

Жыл бұрын

😂😅

@mielimedina3146

9 ай бұрын

It was the “good day to you sir” that made me laugh

@rv706

23 күн бұрын

Most people with narcissistic pathology aren't abusers (In general, people with mental health problems are more likely to hurt themselves than other people). Also, most abusers are not people with narcissistic pathology. Pop psychology myths are hard to die...