Guaranteed "Burnout Builders" for INFJs: 1) over-socialization 2) prolonged "small talk" 3) being inundated with bad news 4) emotionally-charged news and media 5) being everyone's counselor 6) "gimme gimme" friends 7) relationships with narcissists 8) lack of progress Excellent synopsis! Oh my goodness! As an INFJ Covid-19 "long hauler," I'm seriously dealing with #8. This is one of your best ever, Clay!

@janelleg597

3 жыл бұрын

The negative, emotional news guts me. Not only are people suffering, but the way it's reported makes it worse

@lightuponlight6024

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the summary

@vincentperratore4395

3 жыл бұрын

I find it very difficult when messaging my siblings to keep up with their constant pointless chatter; their incessant "saying everything under the sun that goes without saying", etc., that it seems rare to them when I speak st all. Needless to say, they've developed a defensive attitude about it! It's just that all of this useless marking time and superfluity of words has got me down! Despite the fact that 2 of them hold Masters Degrees, none of them can be counted upon to lend a little intellectual weight to the conversation at any time!

@susanyi7816

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, you just listed everything that I relate to often and RIGHT NOW. Thank you for understanding and articulating what I can't especially as I get through this trying and exhausting time in my life.

@simantini1737

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah.. absolutely! Lack of progress is killing me

It’s so weird how INFJ’s love people so much yet they’re literally the bane of our existence. People are just so effortlessly exhausting but we want to connect deeply so bad we literally will die trying...

@Laurkiller

3 жыл бұрын

Facssss

@John-ih7gp

3 жыл бұрын

It's so true! I think I love people more than anyone else I know, and I also despise people more than anyone else I know. :/

@Lifeishard237

3 жыл бұрын

John Allan exactly!!

@breezymango4113

3 жыл бұрын

@@John-ih7gp Hahaha. 😅

@rasheedahsilvertreemusic

3 жыл бұрын

This. Comment. I love Human Beings. All types, all backgrounds, all of it. The human experience and the stories we live out day to day...it intrigues me deeply....but it is sooooooooo dreadfully draining...I usually run and hide to avoid people. I feel bad, but I am getting stronger with my boundaries. It's a journey.

Whenever I’m stressed, I have: - Extreme dreams (usually vivid and crazy) - Wake up in the middle of the night - Procrastinate - Tired/lethargic

@maldonadodani

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@solongoarch

3 жыл бұрын

@@maldonadodani it happened me last one week...omg

@Sam-qn6vf

3 жыл бұрын

sameee

@gouthamchandanala7188

3 жыл бұрын

That’s me. I think a lot when I’m having a burnout, like even a small things sometimes go till infinity 🥺 drains the f&@$ out of me.

@loryno1961

3 жыл бұрын

Same🤯🤯🤯

First sign of burnout for me as an INFJ is massive procrastination issues and insomnia. Used to overthink and ruminate all the time, but thanks to therapy I now deal with that aspect quite well.

@jpedrovianna

3 жыл бұрын

@M Muss whaaaat

@aquariusstar7248

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, that's a good one to note: procrastination. Ive noticed i have done that as well but didnt fully register it as burn out at first.

@AMANDAinKC

3 жыл бұрын

How do you deal????? procrastination is my worst coping mechanism, then I feel guilty that I didn't get anything done. It's a vicious cycle.

@derrickrheeder792

3 жыл бұрын

@@AMANDAinKC I try to remember everything I've achieved and ask myself is this really necessary or have I already given enough? Most times I feel that way because I've already exhausted my reserves. Simply put, if I can't get myself to do it. It's not that important in the grand scheme of things anyway.

@Lifeishard237

3 жыл бұрын

I know I need therapy but I literally hate being vulnerable :/

Disappearing into the bathroom! Yes!

@justChrisjones

3 жыл бұрын

Yes I used to take baths to have quiet time.

@barbarawarren9443

3 жыл бұрын

I've done that thousands of times.

@jasminemariedarling

3 жыл бұрын

Wish it wasn't true, but I spent much of high-school in the bathroom hiding. I feel bad for my past self and any other child who feels so out of place they have to hide!

@sksbc3895

3 жыл бұрын

@@jasminemariedarling I felt the same all through my school years. I carried around a constant level of anxiety until the day I graduated... then I felt as if I'd been freed from all the eyes and judgement.

@shauntesofly

3 жыл бұрын

I refuge in the bathroom

I believe the reason why INFJ end up with narcissists is because we want to actually fix them. We are capable to see who they are yet our empathy and desire to help puts us in a dangerous situation whilst taking up such challenge .

@lukula2934

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, that would be the immature or naive "healer" within us. As we grow from the inevitable "burns" inflicted, we learn to only be responsible for our own thoughts and actions. When I was younger, many of my attempts at "fixing" were just the result of adolescent egocentricity.

@pauladuncanadams1750

2 жыл бұрын

That's why I told a "friend" get professional help. But instead of using that help to work on herself, she used it to get sympathy supply and gripe about everyone else. I had a moral dilemma, do I pry on what happened in "therapy" or not. I didn't and it was a major mistake on my part. Normally, someone who is at your door with their problems would be open enough to say a few keywords at least, but I never heard words like homework, inner child work, self esteem work, DBT, CBT, mindfulness, meditation, etc. Just complaining about everything. She did tell me a few things, several diagnoses (most I won't go into) like depression. She refused medication. OK fine, but she never got better, in fact, she got much worse! I tried telling her that her therapist probably wasn't trained enough and she might need someone out of our area. I suggested many things but all brushed off. We were planning retirement and relocating when covid hit. I was planning on shedding this one sided relationship. Towards the end of 2020 it hit the fan at her house and she was a zombie at my door. My husband is diabetic and I have an autoimmune condition. No one was vaccinated. Did she care? My husband hurt himself on the job, needed surgery, was on the phone on a 5 way call, including workman's comp. Did she care? No. She was angry with someone because they called her toxic. I said, "YES!" I feel like the friend who drops a pal off at AA meetings only to find out that they slip out the door to hang out at the liquor store. I feel deceived. And angry at myself for knowing something is very wrong and disordered but not calling her on it because it would invade her privacy and my sense of morality/values. I won't let that happen again.

@MyWits_End

2 жыл бұрын

@@pauladuncanadams1750 I completely understand where you're coming from Paula. At the same time, I am something like your 'friend'. I've been actively working on myself since I was 15 years old, when I began seeing my first therapist and began antidepressant medication. After 28 years of trying different therapists, many different medications, doing my best to implement meditation and mindfulness practices, journalling, researching, self-help courses, domestic violence support groups, CBT and SO MANY other things, I am struggling more than ever. I no longer have any faith in the mental health system. I have zero support network (not married, no family, no friends) and I'm fighting every day just to keep going. That doesn't mean I will stop trying, but trying is exhausting. I'm in CONSTANT burnout and I barely leave my 'house'. After all these decades of putting so much energy into trying to work on myself and become better, I feel that therapy has, in many ways, caused more damage for me. Don't get me wrong, I learned some incredibly valuable tools over the years, without which I don't think I would still be here today. I grew up with a narcissistic mother who never liked me, who belittled and shamed me from the day I could walk; a father who was physically and emotionally abusive to myself and my siblings; a physically violent brother who slashed me with a knife and told me he hoped I bled to death and a little sister who is a dangerous sociopath who manipulated me beyond anything anyone would ever believe to be true, seriously physically assaulted me for years and triangulated the few friends I've had over the years into turning against me. I had a meltdown at 18 and swore at one of my sisters, so my Mum kicked me out, which just created a whole new set of challenges. At 26, I fell pregnant with twins. My partner at the time began beating me during my pregnancy and I lost one of the babies. I left that relationship when my daughter was 6 months old and it has been the two of us ever since. I don't have anything to do with any of my family now. I have no friends left and I don't know how to find the capacity to trust anyone (including a therapist). I haven't had so much as a date in over a decade. I no longer share any deep thoughts or feelings with others for fear of their opinions actually making things even worse. And I'm not just a mess emotionally, but physically. All of these experiences have taken a huge toll on my physical health, to the point where I am unable to work. At 43, I am desperate to find a way to fix my life before I've lost it completely. I've got no energy left for anyone else. So, I sit at home each day and do whatever I can physically manage to, to help myself. I do online courses in trauma counselling, somatic experiencing and self-determination strategies. I have affirmations with strong personal intentions behind them plastered all over my walls. I meditate every night before bed and practice mindfulness and EFT as best I can. I am unable to relax - no matter what I try. Being in a perpetual state of stress and self-loathing for the majority of my life has impacted me on a deeply physiological level and I don't know if it even is 'fixable'. I guess my point is, we never know why someone is struggling the way they are, or why they don't seem to be improving, but the fact that they aren't, doesn't necessarily mean they aren't trying their absolute best. I'm sorry for my novel. I haven't shared anything like this with anyone for a very long time, but I felt compelled to 'stick up for myself' after identifying with your comment from the 'other side'. I hope you and your family are well and wish you nothing but the best in life. Thank you for taking the time to read this 💞

@pauladuncanadams1750

2 жыл бұрын

@@MyWits_End I am sorry about all that has happened to you. That's a lot. The fact that you have been trying to work on yourself means that you are probably not like my friend. I found out later (she was not totally honest with me and onlty admitted certain things later) that she was studying to be a chaplain but was kicked out of her internship for having a relationship with someone on the psych ward. She was excommunicated. She originally told me that she had been a therapist before becoming a teacher. So when I suggested she see a therapist due to her behavior (I didn't know her well and didn't want to say she was acting bizarre) and the fact that she wanted to adopt her DIL's neglected child. I left the "why" of my advice out of it thinking that this is a job for a therapist, not me. In therapy, she refused medication. All she did was complain about other people in her life. Granted, they all had issues, but you don't go to therapy to work on other people. You go to improve yourself and the rest will follow. I never heard the words homework, Inner child work, trauma work, DBT, CBT, EMDR, think I'll just leave it there. Yes, there are a lot of therapists out there, and not all of them are very good. Many are not. With that in mind, caveat emptor. Do your research before you hand your mind, heart, and soul over to someone else. But she didn't go there for that, IMHO. She paid for the therapist's attention and sympathy. She wasn't getting better, she was getting worse. Now getting paranoid delusions. A social worker/child services stepped in and she wasn't allowed in her own home. That's the sh-it that I was referring to. Another's therapist, this time not a family practitioner but through the VA wanted her to go to DBT. She asked me what I thought. After carefully selecting my words, I said, "It sounds like a good opportunity". I had been suggesting CoDA for years. She never went. Last time was when everything hit the fan. I wouldn't let her dump on me anymore. Get support from CoDA, like other people. It was 2020 and my husband is diabetic. I have autoimmune issues. We have our own problems but she just unloaded herself at my house. Acted like a small child. She started CoDA online per my suggestion but quit because she said she didn't get to speak. The social worker wanted her to take a psych test which she did and it came back NPD. Last time I spoke to her I asked her about the DBT and if she ever got to go. "Oh, that, no." So, yeah, doorslam.

@pauladuncanadams1750

2 жыл бұрын

@@MyWits_End instead of working on herself she quit her job to care for a traumatized child. She didn't do anything for herself. She martyred. No school or hobbies or volunteering. Or anything. Not even meditation or yoga or bubble bath. Nothing. No needs. Not even food. She looks like an open door, she's thin as a rail, never eats. Eating disorder, IMHO. No self. No babysitter. Constantly monitoring the kid. The kid diagnosed adhd. On medication. Doing therapy. Expecting the kid to do it, but hey, even though she's MDD, anodonia, CPTSD she's not going to do it, doesn't need it. Everything was about the kid (and her bad mother) and how she has a special bond with this child (the one sent to juvenile hall for breaking her ribs) but no, she doesn't have any problems. It's everyone else. She wouldn't even exist at all, IMHO, were it not for this kid. She was my neighbor but she hardly said two words when we invited her and her husband over. Hardly knew her before they moved but I needed a reference so called her. Hadn't spoken in a few years. Invited her to lunch. She sounded strange, and I thought her husband might be beating her. She showed up at my door hysterical, standing there in wracking sobs. Turned out her DIL and baby moved in and DIL was ignoring the child. She kept sobbing through lunch for about the first 10 years I was stuck dealing with this crap. Most people are embarrassed to get verklempt in public. Not her! Most people would go, hey, I didn't have the best childhood, and this kid hasn't either. Maybe I should work on myself, take some parenting classes?...Nope. it never occurred to her.

I think our extremly high moral standards can become a problem as well. We tend to expect the same from other people and tend to get disappointed on a regular basis really. Thank You so much for this post.💕

I have recently deactivated my Facebook account and choose to stay away from articles online. Current events and news have really caused me to feel hopeless, sad and, at times, angry.

@pnhnut

3 жыл бұрын

THIS!!

@Ross-ve9ww

3 жыл бұрын

Same I just don’t use Facebook anymore. Since this pandemic it’s just gotten so depressing! Not just the articles shared but the people complaining aswell!

@theblackhole05

3 жыл бұрын

True

@kiaivanbavishi3042

3 жыл бұрын

Did it since january 2020 No social media Just snapchat. Snapchat id:Kaivan007

When I was young I rarely engaged with other kids, rather, I observed them, learning how to be like them. Not so much now that I'm older, but when I was younger I was so much a social chameleon that I eventually, in my 20's, hit a wall and had an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was because I was so busy trying to be everyone around me. If I went to a concert with friends, I was a rock chick, if my family was having a gathering, I was the good daughter, at work I was the professional and the list went on. For me, as an INFJ, it wasn't so much about pleasing others, but more about my fear of people not liking me, not fitting in with them and ultimately, having them judge me ... which is one of my pet peeves. By the way, you are 100% correct about door slamming....which is a sign of an unhealthy, immature INFJ. I will still do it if things become impossible with someone, but nowhere near as much as I did when I was young, confused and easily frustrated or hurt. As for us being narcissist and sociopath magnets... the reason for it, is that we give them what they crave... an audience. We're empathetic listeners and they're master manipulators who love to talk about themselves. If you encounter one, run.

@lukula2934

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with your sentiments. Before I'd known of MBTI, I used to call it "turning my back" instead of door slamming. I would sometimes warn others not to push me to that action because it was permanent...Most would ignore the warnings or think it a dramatic gesture, but I knew otherwise, and now they're gone. This is especially tough with family members.

@smbensli

2 жыл бұрын

I've noticed for me i can be so many things in each specific scenario but not faking it. Like you described you can be a rocker chick and professional and a good daughter etc...i think its within you. Its like different sides of us that are opposing but they are still part of who we are we can identify with...and its pretty consistent...there are exceptions but I can swim and keep up with different social classes, ethnicities and cultures...type of thing and it's all me at once.

@Walklikeaduck111

2 жыл бұрын

Door slams can be awesome esp with narcs

@maryelecta11787

Жыл бұрын

did you happen to have a horrible girl friend who was toxic. spread lies about u to others behind your back. stole what they wanted of yours. basically an all around shitty person but for some reason u stayed friends with them and they damaged u for life I can't be the only INFJ out there that this has happened to I'm not sure but I think she was a narcissist.

From my experience as an infj we absorb energy whether it's negative or positive but i realized when let's say someone who is really energetic like an enfj it also drains us because when I am around someone who is excited and energetic all the time, it just exhausts me. So i believe that whether negative or positive we need to find balance between the two extremes because they are both draining.

@aquariusstar7248

3 жыл бұрын

OMG...yes that super high "power positive" personality ungrounds me and sucks the life outta me.

@noureissa5185

3 жыл бұрын

@@aquariusstar7248 yeah that's exactly it

@ComplicatedSimplicite

3 жыл бұрын

Nervous energy is the worst for me!

@Juniperus_Godegara

3 жыл бұрын

ENJFs also absorb their environment's athmosphere or mood

@theblackhole05

3 жыл бұрын

Yea watching kids makes me sleepy

The thing that burns me out the most is my need to nurture everyone and letting their lack of progress overwhelm me, I have learned to remind myself that their lack of progress is not mine. I do this by making a list of what I should offer of myself and then writing down a stopping point, so when I am in the middle of the mess, I read the list and remind myself I have done what I set out to do and the rest is not for me to complete. This helps me not obsess so much over other actions or in-actions and helps me cut off the situation in a healthy way so I don't door slam people when it is not their fault we are just different people.

@sabrinashaw9939

3 жыл бұрын

Fantastic idea!

@infjnomad

3 жыл бұрын

@@sabrinashaw9939 Thanks, glad to share!

@madisonaubrey6076

3 жыл бұрын

Oh yes! I often find myself disappointed in others for their lack of working towards progress.

@infjnomad

3 жыл бұрын

@@madisonaubrey6076 Fully agree!

@infjnomad

3 жыл бұрын

@@sojourneroftheland Thank you, nice to meet you!

I cannot explain the levels of gratitude I have for discovering I’m an INFJ it’s answered so many questions for me. And then, you do videos that speak on things that I felt I only do so I’m just soooooo grateful 😭😭😭

@BA-vx7gb

Жыл бұрын

Me too 😭

@adaopperman5411

Жыл бұрын

I have also grattitude for realizing that I am also a INFJ. I can also say I have also realized that I am a empath. Being a empath I realize that I have to have bounderies with ecpecially narsistic people. But halleluja INFJ'S and empaths have very good qualities and we are good people!!!

@ecmosavedmedottk

Жыл бұрын

I feel that.

Your really helping us, it's so good to listen to someone that feels like connection. It can be lonely as an infj. Thank you.

@vivarc2

3 жыл бұрын

Indeed Clay has helped me through many thoughts and feelings. I second this :)

@HeartAliveToday

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!! I feel understood for the first time in my life. It is soothing to me just to listen to him talk.

@patforden2365

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, this is refreshing and giving me great perspective on issues with people.

I’m 2 minutes into this video and this is me, word by word! This is unbelievable!

@DenisStarikov

3 жыл бұрын

I am glad I am aware about my traits which lead me to burnout. Not sure I know how to help myself in some situations though. For example, regarding narcissistic personalities. They are easy to get in contact with. It is a low hanging fruit. Not only for INFJs of course. Firstly, they do not abuse small talk, and secondly thy are proactive in building relationships. Both very attractive for INFJs traits.

@Gobble_de_Goop

3 жыл бұрын

Same here!!!

@JennyInTheHighCountry

3 жыл бұрын

Same! And the dreams...omg 🤦🏼‍♀️ They have been the bane of my existence. So detailed & intense & every night of my life. So exhausting. Tried EMDR and it helped some, lasted about 1 yr. I just want one night of no dreams. 1.

@JonasAnandaKristiansson

3 жыл бұрын

@@JennyInTheHighCountry THIS

@JennyInTheHighCountry

3 жыл бұрын

TheAwakenedINFJ 😢

The more I’ve been watching your videos, the more grounded and comfort I feel about my life both in past and present. I’m 33 and for the first time I feel this great sense of understanding and belonging like never before and I look forward to seeing what happens in my future. I’m ready. Thank you so much, Clay.

I think Clay is one of the few INFJs that I can truly relate with. I am in a lot of INFJ groups but I don't relate with most of them. I am not sure if it is because a lot of people of mistyped as INFJs or there is just different types of INFJs (depending on their spot on I/E S/N T/F P/J spectrum).

@rebekahfreeman4657

3 жыл бұрын

Cultural differences might contribute to it as well

@femmeNikita27

3 жыл бұрын

It's just a typlogy, and as good as any for introvertic people. It's not rocket science and even wasn't designed by a scientists, so well, anyone can happily misinterpret it anyway one likes. But what he says and what people say about this type in this typology does reflect some things all rather introvertic people have in common, and yes some of us are really like this. But I would see a difference between sleeping problem- a neurological issue, hereditary one and emotional issues- yes, those have to do with temper and temper is innate, so we cannot change it, we can only adjust our lifestyle to our innate temper.

@cynthiajohnson9412

3 жыл бұрын

Have you watched Frank James' videos. I really relate to him and he also does very funny videos based on the personality types.

@madisonaubrey6076

3 жыл бұрын

I can relate. It may be do to their level of maturity.

@nickjonas2118

3 жыл бұрын

frank james is infp. I see no typological similarities between clay and Frank.

this spoke to me so much... I just left a narcissistic relationship of 10 years this year. I had such a burnout that I required 7 months of therapy after, thank you for this video

@melissawardjohns220

3 жыл бұрын

I feel your pain. Both my parents and at least three siblings are. Took about four years of therapy and some serious ghosting to get into a better place.

Your INFJ videos are so on point, and so aesthetically pleasing, both visually and audibly for us other INFJs. The “hiding in the bathroom” bit really resonated with me, even at work when it gets really overwhelming. I also have struggled with sleep issues my entire life. I have intense, vivid dreams sometimes to the point where I wake up physically crying because I was crying in my dream. I also realize we kind of “mini door slam” a lot. We don’t full doorslam people all the time- but we always have it in our minds to do. If someone really upsets us we have those thoughts immediately of “I can just cut them out completely”. But our ways of retreating, disappearing for a couple days, etc is an example of a mini door slam, I think. What are your opinions on that?

@ClayArnall

3 жыл бұрын

I guess ‘taking a step back’ could be interpreted as a mini door slam. I think I do that quite a bit and it often throws people off.

@joy_villa

2 жыл бұрын

Hiding in the bathroom….so me my whole life

The “door slam” is what protects me from narcissists. I embrace this and have no guilt, shame or issues with it. I feel its a self-protection act and is the furthest from immaturity...just the contrary. NOT self-protecting oneself is an act of immaturity.

There's an actual slogan, "Do One Thing" that can be important to the INFJ

“Who do they call?” Yes, they call the INFJ. Thank you for addressing that point! I often get inundated with calls/texts from friends or family to dump their issues and it’s overwhelming for sure. I’ve resorted to boundaries on certain days. “I’m sorry, I don’t have capacity right now. But if it’s urgent, I’ll be available for you.” Then I call them a few hours or days later. This allows me time to get the right mindset, where I’m in a truly *listening mode* rather than a reactionary mode where I would try to absorb their pain to make them stop crying or whatever. I have to remind myself I’m their friend/sister/coworker, not their therapist 😊

@aquariusstar7248

3 жыл бұрын

I dont get many calls bc im too blunt and will tell you the hardcore truth!😂 and if im exhausted, it wont be sympathetic. But for true friends who know me, i do ask if i can call later bc im "on holodeck" and dont want to come out right now. Lol

@ilmarisschulz3245

3 жыл бұрын

@@aquariusstar7248 "Holodeck"! I am totally going to use that! Thank you!!

My dreams are too plagued with a feeling of confusion or chaos, and I often find myself in scenes where I am stuck or can't fulfill what I'm trying to do. This is especially true of my sexual dreams, as I've found myself involuntarily celibate for the last 10 years of my life. I also find myself fighting sleep, and my tendency to do things in intense bursts of effort tends to deregulate my sleeping schedule. I've experienced a sort of perfection paralysis for the last six years since graduating college, finding myself unable to progress in the areas of my life in which I feel a duty to make use of my talents. I was plagued with disillusionment and lack of motivation for years. It's almost as if my goals are too abstract to be worth striving for. I can vaguely imagine myself becoming the person I "see" in the future, but half of me wonders if that's really what I want to become or if it's even possible for me to get there authentically...it feels fantastical. This last year was intensely solitary and confusing. I moved into my own place for the first time. I ended up drifting away from people who were detrimental to my well-being. I wrestled with society's expectations of me and tried to define my own desires through a fog of derealization. I tore myself up trying to understand what it means to be a man in a culture that's hostile to displays of sensitivity and warmth in men. At first the solitude was lonely, but I've since come to embrace it. I'm learning self-discipline and working out every day. I'm working on being more conscious of my emotional responses in social situations. As I become more stable in my own habits, truths, and values, I find that my rejection sensitivity decreases and I'm better able to maintain my sense of peace in situations where people are being petty, immature, or hostile. At some point it became crystal clear to me that daily action is the solution to my problems, even in the absence of clear meaning or purpose. Even if I approximate toward my idealized goals by concretizing ideas into actions, instead of ruminating endlessly, I am growing in a meaningful way. It's boosted my self-esteem considerably. I hope you realize that as an older, successful INFJ who has experienced many of the issues that your younger audience is going through now, your channel is a great blessing to us. Our lack of Fi often makes us pessimistic in regard to our own potential to grow into worthy, confident people. We may know that we are intelligent, talented, hardworking, etc. but in the absence of external validation those qualities can seem as invisible to us as they seem to the outside world, given our propensity toward hiding and introversion. As an INFJ who has seemed to figure it all out, you're a beacon to an entire generation of INFJs struggling to understand their own identity, worth, and potential.

@1594simonsays

3 жыл бұрын

So pretty much we arent able to self validate consciously like other types, and too not get caught up in perfectionism and do things instead of day dreaming about them

@kimquim2803

2 жыл бұрын

I feel you. You're not alone. Hopefully we'll be able to sort this out and find success like Clay does 👍

This is the difference between Fi and Fe: Fe-users are more naturally inclined to take care of people the way they[people] individually want to be taken care of. Fi-users take care of people the way they[Fi-users themselves] would like to be taken care of. I said to my friend INFP once: "I am not sacrifising my authenticity when I am with people because I sort of become them". Then I realized that it is contradictory in a sense. "Who you are then?" my friend asked. And I didn't know how to "articulate my being". But now I have the way to explain it. Even though I absorb people's emotions it doesn't make me not myself. I enjoy absorbing people's emotions because one of my values is compassion. I enjoy understanding people. It is something I devote my life to. Isn't it the most me I can be? Right.

I never realised I was married to a vulnerable narcissists for 30 years or did I realise I was an empath INFJ with codependency issues my whole life, everything I am learning (on KZread for only $12 a month with no adds) that all the lies and defences and un-felt feelings from others, I am getting all my confusion sorted. I don't no what to do now but at least I know a lot more about myself to have hope for myself, and everybody else and sort out there own lives, except for my two adult sons who I am still willing to spend my energy and time on! So thank you Clay for speaking my thoughts 💖👏

@ClayArnall

3 жыл бұрын

Colleen Price the $12 per month is worth it isn’t it :)

@NorthStarPNW

3 жыл бұрын

@Colleen Price I signed-up for KZread Premium last year. It is the best money I have EVER spent in my life! No more commercials in videos - sometimes there were 5-6 in 20 minutes! They were just overwhelming but now completely gone. Simple.

Narcissists and sociopaths are infatuated with INFJs. We are really fun toys to them. They notice we operate by putting others first, and boy do they love being the priority. Even when we believe they are doing wrong to us, we let them off the hook. This may be due to us putting our own emotions behind and trying to “get along”. Another factor is our driving need to help others. The irony in all of this is, from the beginning we know how dangerous that person is. We choose to ignore our instincts. I’ve been working on valuing my instincts.

Hi Clay. For all my adult life, I have struggled with either falling asleep in the first place or waking in the middle of the night and taking ages to get back to sleep. The main strategy I use to avoid burnout is is living a quieter, simpler life than most. I don't let my days or weeks get jam-packed and I make sure I have the amount of downtime that I need. Living alone REALLY helps!

I am right now in burnout mode. I have been trying to pull out, but it is not really happening. I get up and do as much as I can. You gave me some ideas on how to get motivated again. Thank you! 😊

Hi Clay, I really like what you said about struggling to get started. I've told my wife in the past that I am like an Oceanliner. It takes a lot of effort and energy to get me moving, but once I am moving I'm almost unstoppable. :)

As an INFJ heath care worker, my work burn out manifests differently. At work I start to pull back from co-workers not patients. Never patients because they really need me, but co-workers can siphon so much energy that you feel completely depleted and something's gotta give. At home I will procrastinate with what ever I can get away with. My burnouts don't last long if I avoid certain personality types and do something creative. Feeding my creativity has the ativan affect. Turning down the logical mind and amping up the abstract thoughts gets me back into the world, happy , healthy and balanced-until next time.in the meantime, I try to stay away from toxic people/ tv, say no if no Is what I feel. Because of Covid i have had to watch more news than usual and it made me insane for awhile. It took awhile to detach. That's when I found you tube. That's how I found MBTI. Of course I researched MBTI and with that distraction I found a community of like minded people.Videos like this give me back my psychic strength and compassion. I have had a lot of narcissist friendships over the years. I can spot one in less than a minute. It's fun to watch them operate from a DISTANCE but up close is dangerous for me. So now I have NO narcissists in my personal life. The work environment is a different story and takes my comment back to the beginning. Thanks for this video.

@jeanicegraves9322

3 жыл бұрын

You said a mouthful. I really could relate.

@christinebourgeois2317

3 жыл бұрын

Well said, im also in healthcare and exhausted from not patients, but my coworkers!

@lukula2934

2 жыл бұрын

It's really impressive that you have no narcissists in your personal life. I'm guessing you were raised in a reasonably functional environment.

@The_authentic_queen_

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

So.....that's all 8 boxes ticked. And yes, I'm just emerging from 20+ years of debilitating burnout through addressing all of these.

I'm burnt out from narcissistic abuse. There were two in my life and they had a great deal of control over me. Then when I stood up to them they ruined my reputation. I'm trying to put together the pieces of my life left but I'm exhausted. Sad. Anxious. Angry. But one is dead so I'll never get justice with her. The other one is just dead to me. 🙃

The biggest struggle of my life has been to avoid the constant burnout I feel with caring for others and giving them the benefit of my extroverted feeling...the problem is that sometimes that is all other people see of me or want to see of me...even when I struggle to let them see more...the burnout comes from this imbalance...

@JT-gm4fk

2 жыл бұрын

This....this is my biggest cause for burnout. You care and check up on people . You're there in their time of need but it's never reciprocated.

Yes I agree with many of your points in the video. I would say I'm like chameleon, able to adapt to a social situation quickly. And yes,I get my energy from being alone. OMG, yes. I've been trying to be aware of the people around me for positives reinforcement to help with my energy. I love helping people,but it can be very draining.

I literally applauded at several points-INFJ here and this is SO relatable!

Clay, you are so right about Narcissists. Years can go by and one does not realize what is truly going on, behind your back. I have been hurt from so many deceptive lying actors, within my own family. I finally got away from their control by moving out of the environment. With a little help from my INFP niece, she truly enlightened me to what a Narcissist behaviors are and how their mind works. The Narcissist and her Golden-Child still tries to manipulate and control me, but I have grown and know how to say 'no' without feeling guilty; realizing their problem is not my problem. I cannot fix their lives because they are unhappy, or they cannot get their way for some insecure reason(s). Their priorities are not my priorities. Finally putting myself first, without hesitation. Everyone needs self preservation with boundaries no matter what type you are. Thanks for another great video. Looking forward to more. Peace.

With the difference between INFP’s Fi and INFJ’s Fe, you hit the nail on the head about how Fi uses the Fi-user’s past experiences and re-feeling of them to empathize (e.g. “the sadness they’re feeling reminds me of when this happened to me...”) whereas INFJ’s Fe uses external constructs and schemas to empathize (e.g. “that flicker of hurt on their face when someone made an off-hand joke meant that joke hit an insecurity”). I do think that eventually the INFP’s Ne can come in and help the INFP not be as self-centric when empathizing as they view other possibilities someone feels X emotion, just like how the INFJ’s Ni can come in and enables the INFJ to use past experiences to hone in on a human nature pattern. I think a lot of us end up with narcissists because they’re not that picky about their narcissistic supply and we’re too people-pleasing to everyone. We don’t “cut off the supply” as fast as other people with more self-preservation haha.

@ClayArnall

3 жыл бұрын

Well said :)

Wow, did this video come at the right time! About a week ago, two people close to me, both INFP's and both clearly under stress snapped on me right out of left field after calling me for advice/someone to hear their problems, ending up saying some of the cruellest/nastiest stuff I've ever heard, all directed at me as they vented. One has been completely silent ever since and the other came back around with some excuses for their out of control behaviour, but I have been mentally exhausted ever since their meltdowns. To deal with the stress, I started a new health/fitness program and added my FitBit to help me keep track of my stats. Now the weird thing is this...if all is correct, the sleep record on my FitBit says I got up at 1230am the night I was upset and walked around until about 2am! I don't recall getting up at all, even to use the bathroom... but I do know that I was in a Ni-Ti loop at bedtime, trying to figure out what happened and what I could have done to bring it on. I'm thinking I must have been walking in my sleep because I was so stressed/disturbed emotionally by the calls. The rest of the week seems normal on the sleep log, except for extra restlessness, but I've been in a mental fog ever since that day/night. Working out does seem to be helping though... so I'll keep on that track and hope it passes!

@Ephesians5-14

Жыл бұрын

This same thing happened to me with my best friend. I don't understand why the people who depend on us the most are the first to take out their garbage on us. We give so much of ourselves and yet loved ones don't seem to think there's anything wrong with blowing up on us for literally no good reason. God forbid *we* have needs that they be accommodating to 🙄

I am an ENFP and I love my INFJ. I appreciate the knowledge to better understand him, and what he needs from me.

@JT-gm4fk

2 жыл бұрын

I wished more people cared like you. From an INFJ, thank you.

A common sign for me to reach burnout mode is migraines. They're migraines with aura so that does not necessarily involve a headache but it messes with my perception. It basically feels like a nervous system overload and I have trouble seeing things clearly, understanding people, making sense of my surroundings etc. So it seems to be tied to the INFJ extroverted sensing, which I find quite interesting. Anyways the cure usually is just to do the opposite of what I've been doing too much of. I find that balance is the most important thing and ideally I spend most of my time with things that fill me up :) I really appreciate your videos, Clay! They've cleared up a lot of things for me, so thank you!

For years I lived in burnout. Sometimes from being used as someone's counselor....but the line is fine between feeling valued and used. Building and maintaining boundaries for myself was necessary. Having a self aware, grounded, anf growth oriented friend has been indespensable for me as an INFJ too. They are difficult to find honestly. You mentioned INFPs and I have one that does that for me. It's like looking in a mirror. Similar but not the same and offers insights I might overlook. Great video.

Thank you for this video, I'am an INFJ and it's like you're talking about my life. The quality of your video is AWESOME.

I have sleep disorders, but my dreams are prophetic, symbolic, and most of the time I understand them. I talk in my sleep and I woke up once singing in a different language.

this video made me realize that the ex-best friend i had for 5 years was a narcissist. countless times she would gaslight me and we would be on the brink of our friendship and then she would convince me to stay because she promised she would become a better person if i stuck around. she would never respect my boundaries. i stayed until quarantine came along and it was as if an opportunity (at the most costly and unfortunate expense) was offered to me to finally end this friendship. however, i did use the door slam behavior but honestly i really don’t regret it at all because of the intense emotional weight she put on my shoulders all the time.

1. I am so happy that you have a good counselor. I so glad she encourages you to be authenticly you. Hiding out in bath room just to have a quiet mind. You have the right to have a quiet mind and have quiet personal space...(your not required to be peoples sounding board) people cannot hijack your time or they should pay you $500 to be their counselor...youre giving person...you give until you're empty...dont do that, save some energy for you..

To me the over-socialization and chameleon description sounds like my experience in middle school. At school I felt like I had to feel happy. I went home every day and just played videogames in my room to numb myself to the point that I was clinically depressed. It hurt so much as an INFJ that no one questioned my own authenticity. I vividly remember one day a "Friend" more like an acquaintance, told me "You look happy," when I had cried myself to sleep the night before. I felt like I had to be held to my own standards but because I was depressed I couldn't do that for myself. Thank you for allowing me to reflect and use my Fi.

@Dzanarika1

2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear that. Hope you are doing better ♥️

I feel a little bit weird hearing you talking. Never have I ever heard someone like me talk 😂 hahaha this is so cool. I feel so normal now. Lol

@pipifoo1604

3 жыл бұрын

I like watching it. Does that make me a narcissist now? 😂😂😂

Omg thank you!!! I so needed to hear this. I'm an Infp (that lives with an (i/estj) boyfriend) that is having major burn out!!! 🥴 Every time he speaks I get major anxiety! I just had to leave my house to get away. 🤯

I am definitely in a burnt out phase. I labelled it as "depression" I'm not motivated or excited about much, I feel like I am missing something and idk where I need to be in order to feel whole again. I put it all down to a lifetime of nothing but deceite last few jobs iv been the model employee showed up early, did all the work and not only got glossed over for friends+family of the bosses but ultimately was getting ripped off for pay and work rights, stable employment is becoming hard to find everything is casual. Iv had similar situations with friends a lot of my friends hitting this impasse because guys can't just be friends with a girl or they are just completely untrustworthy and idk why but backstab for no reason. Sum up people are just garbage in general everyone's greedy and selfish not in the good way like taking some time out for yourself but in the way they literally step on anyone to get what they want consequences to themselves or anyone around them be damned. On top of everything iv had some odd experiences in the supernatural department and I have always been a very vivid dreamer I have some questioning about it all without trying to sound like a nutjob when discussing any of it but I am very curious in the big picture behind the curtain, are we in just a long running episode of the Truman show, is there a heavinly creator do angels+demons exist or is non of this even real. I love to get deep into the theories and everything else seems rather mundane in interest to me it's like my brain is trying to figure out this wide scale puzzle and I'm searching for all the bits. But that doesn't pay the bills or win over many friends that are only interested in the next sporting game or shopping nobody wants to think about it.

@jeanicegraves9322

3 жыл бұрын

I resonate with this so much.

@mandykins8678

3 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way!

@mysterygirl30011

3 жыл бұрын

The Truman show or Matrix applies note than you could imagine... I believe in some conspiracies and definitely believe in God and supernatural and have experienced a lot. If you would like to dig, please check out my "hidden truth" playlist. Regarding dreams, advice you to check out Robert Clancy's channel and specifically "spirit husband/wife" or any theme you feel led to Doesn't pay the bill but will save your soul. Times are short, prophecies are being fulfilled such as the Abrahamic accords (Jared Kushner)

I do get burnt out from narcissistic personalities. I do have sleep disorders and really clear dreams. I can also hear myself think in my dreams. Never sleep walked but I have sleep talked. Biggest burn out is financial stress and people.

Thank you Clay, this was so needed. I began to even feel guilty for being burned out. Do you experience that as well, the guilt? I've been struggling massively in my numerous one sided relationships (be it familar, platonic, romantic, etc.) . I get lonely sometimes and yearn for someone to hear me out, to give as much as I give...

@ClayArnall

3 жыл бұрын

I think we tend to feel guilty yes. Especially if you have codependent tendencies, or are with narcissistic people who train you to serve their needs as normal behavior.

@AnnMarieKing

3 жыл бұрын

Jesi, I can relate. I have curtailed several 'demanding' (read: one sided) professional and familial relationships in the interest of my physical health as my burnout manifested as serious chronic illnesses requiring major surgery and longterm meds. It can seem isolating at times but the alternative was just not sustainable. I took up gardening which I find very restorative.

@JesiWhyte

3 жыл бұрын

@@AnnMarieKing Wow, thank you dear, your advice is helpful 🤗

@JesiWhyte

3 жыл бұрын

@@ClayArnall Sighs, yes oh yes. I do have those tendencies and I'm currently working on them. Giving myself the love, grace and tenderness I deserve.

@altNaleyForever

3 жыл бұрын

There's being alone as much as you might enjoy solitude and independence in your thoughts and choices but there's having and wanting comfort and support when you are struggling. But then there's being in a relationship and not getting that support system and feeling more alone than actually being alone especially if you are giving it but not receiving it. A lot of people are selfish iv seen this of people with full supportive relationships partner/wife/husband+kids+family yet make some incredibly stupid choices for very minimal gain at their loved ones expense. The same people that turn around and then whine poor me when they loose it all like they never thought there was consequences.

😂 I spent 10+ years as an infj hairstylist- forcing excited bubbly small talk for 9 hours every day. I did well, but the inauthenticity and burn out caught up with me, until one day I said NO MORE. I figured out how to work from home online, cut off all fake friends, and haven't left my house for 2 years. 😅🤣I'm almost ready to get out and make a new, real friend. infj burn out is real, man.

This is so spot on that it made me exhausted just listening and thinking about these situations

This video is very helpful. Thank you for helping me realize my current state of mind. I felt crazy going into this video and now I feel sane af.

Well constructed presentation. Great insights & solutions. You’re the Tony Robbins for introverts. Wonderful counseling!

Thank you 🙏 Isn't boundaries, self love and responsability the answer to all of this? To throw out all the lies in our beliefsystem, like unloveable, not good enough and such BS that run our life? I've started that process, and everything is more clear and bright now, so I think it's the right way, for me 🥰 Sleep hypnosis has made a huge difference for me, the sleep is better and calmer than ever, and those dreams not as bad anymore 😊

@1594simonsays

3 жыл бұрын

I am so incredibly hard on myself from childhood neglect and abuse this is exactly what i do subconsciously

@JessikaC

3 жыл бұрын

@@1594simonsays Same here. But stop beeing so hard on yourself 🤗 You are perfect as you are 💞🙏 Those people in our childhoods were wrong, it's time to quit playing their game and start beeing as amazing as we are. If you don't believe me, maybe listening to Donald Currie, Wu wei wisdom and/or Alan Robarge can help you get a bit further on your track 🤗

I have pretty vivid dreams and nightmares too. It's been really bad during these Corona months. I have nightmares about my family dying, mass shootings (even though I live in Scandinavia) and generally just horrible things. So yeah I can completely relate to the whole 'crazy dreamer' thing. Sometimes I don't talk about it either, because people can be rather freaked out by it. Currently I am unemployed and that situation is super draining for me too. It's a combination of constantly having to readjust your day, when someone wants an interview or reaches out on LinkedIn or something. It's draining for everyone, but especially INFJs because of the progress, overthinking, reading job openings and stuff like that. And yes, just stay away from negative people and narcissists, if you want a half decent life as an INFJ. I think the reason why we are so vulnerable to narcissist is that we are so responsive to other people and narcissists love feeling that they really affect someone. It's like we become their own personal drug, just filling up the empty void inside them.

@1594simonsays

3 жыл бұрын

Theres a shitload of narcs out here, i am constantly tested and i cant even prove it to other people without sounding like i have a big head or something, and always the dick measuring contest alpha beta male stuff that men do. I constantly everytime have given them the upper hand and not even realized it while they maintain full frame and put in minimum effort into every interaction while i give freely, i have honestly felt so foolish, betrayed, and bitter that i want off myself because i cant trust anyone now

wow... I can relate with every little word you're saying. Literally, even the one with the "news".

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. INFJ insanity is spending time listening to the person who is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

So helpful! :) I reserve door slams for narcissists who've tried to get their hooks in me. Otherwise, I ignore them. They like us for reasons you mentioned in your videos, and dimming the light or destroying one of us feels like a major victory. ty for sharing your insights! You're making a difference. :)

Burnout was at the heart of my mental health breakdown several years ago. The genes were there too but what activated them was my complete disregard for self and my obsessive people pleasing. Your list was great and gave me more areas and ideas to work on. I've been working really hard on letting go of perfectionism and needing constant progress. It's so terrifying though 😅 It takes all the bravery I have and then some to show imperfections or start something without everything perfect first. But when I can it feels amazing and drives me to keep going. I had vivid dreams, often disturbing, most of my life. Also I'd lay awake reliving every social nightmare for ages before bed every night. Now I rarely dream because of the weed I smoke for back pain and it makes me sleep immediately too. But now that I'm drifting into some spirituality ideas I'd like to have more dreams because I'm curious what my mind would show me.

I told my husband people don’t think I’m an introvert because when they see me, I’m extroverted. I just pay for it later by needing a lot of time alone. And his immediate response was, “yeah, you’re performing.” And that really hit me. That’s it. It’s a performance. And that’s why it’s exhausting. When I told an ENFJ friend that I’m an introvert which is why I don’t enjoy spending as much time doing the social things she likes, she just said, “ You don’t seem like an introvert to me.” So the act is pretty good, I guess… 😊

I find the opposite with vivid dreams. I tend to feel like I have the answer to a conundrum I've been struggling with for months when I wake up from dreams, especially when I'm too stressed or burnt out to make a logical estimation with pros and cons, especially due to narcissists that were in my life at one point. But I can relate to everything else you've mentioned too. Sleepwalking into a wall? You bet.

@SB-xj7cj

Жыл бұрын

Hi Sara, just wanted to say that I have both the crazy confusing vivid dreams, as well as the waking up to an answer to a conundrum that I struggled with for a long time like you do. When that happens, I feel that the answer is so clear, and a peaceful feeling envelopes my entire body and mind. And then I also have the sleepwalking into walls as well!

That's so crazy, I have exactly the same sleep difficulties that you described. I only get it when I'm stressed or in a new place - when I was going through exams I had it nearly every night. I would walk around the house, jump up in a fright. One time my sister stopped me from jumping out of a window in a holiday home. I woke up a few times to hundreds of spiders in my hair that I had to shake out, or snakes on my hat stand. When we were camping in Africa I wandered around the camp and in the morning we found jaguar prints... I've learnt that I can't let myself get too stressed - and if I'm in a new place I make sure I'll have to walk past someone to get anywhere dangerous.

My friends and family are always so impressed by how often I experience very intense dreams and I remember the smallest details. For me it's just how it's always been. I cannot imagine going for weeks without remembering dreaming.

Great video, Clay. Burnout ending in door slam is something I really hope to improve upon moving forward. There are always good intentions in seeing someone’s potential and genuinely wanting the best for them and their personal growth, but recognizing when it’s time to stop investing so much of yourself into their growth is really important. I find in my own head I fully work through my reasoning to end a friendship or relationship, and then don’t fully explain my reasoning or thought process to the other person involved, hence the door slam occurs. Ending in a door slam isn’t a fair or mature way to end such relationships. Not that closure is a necessary factor, but I think some of an explanation is a kind gesture to prevent false narratives from occurring. I’m also trying to remind myself it’s not my responsibility for another’s growth, but I can be helpful when they request it. Thanks for the video!

Just door slammed on a friend because I waited 5 years to tell her that her personality traits bothered me. I blurted out something that I disliked and it hurt her. Ultimately the friendship ended quickly. I apologized for the tackiness of the comment. But…… I meant every word. I was and am done being used and dealing with things I don’t have to just so that other people can be comfortable around me. ✌️ ❤ Please don’t do this ppl, speak up and set boundaries waaaaaaay before you get to this point, because the spontaneous overload and outbursts can cut someone to the core.

Just thank you, Clay, for talking about this! After listening to you I don't feel so alone and I feel compassion for myself and all of us in this most overwhelming time.

I do have sleep problems and my burnout manifests as anxiety. I also relate to strange dreams. Usually I do not dream. I dream unpleasant dreams with the burnout anxiety. I am often exhausted by people interactions that put me in a state of resisting and procrastinating. I get it. The mental burnout affects us INFJ’s physically. It is a cycle. I agree with all your points. Nail on the head for me. The key is to recognize what causes our burnout and find healthy ways to cope. Set boundaries, etc. Similar to your photographer story, I schedule in lots and lots of down time. I also have my feel good things to do daily. Example: I love quiet solitude while having coffee in the morning. I protect that time. I’ve become good at telling people no. Much of my relational burnout is work related. I schedule time with people to talk about work related stuff only. I do not engage in small talk and don’t get personal w co-workers.

Thank you, it's really hard not to burnout 😭 I really wish I knew sooner.

I started as child to sleep walk, as young adult I talked in my sleep even answering the phone and talk without realising it. My sleep disorder now causes my brain not to go past phase 1 and 2 of the sleep cycle. I have far more burn-outs lately than ever before. My reason: stress overall, not yet connected with my inner child. Thanks Clay, your topics are well chosen and also spot-on.

The one that I relate with the most (besides the narcissist) is when I have to put on the counselor hat and people just dump all their emotional baggage onto me to try and help solve their issues. Definitely a huge depletion of energy. So what I do to handle it better is through mediation and writing on my journal. Thank you for sharing this with us, Clay! Love and appreciation to all!

INFJ here. I believe I have a sleep disorder because I have vivid dreams nightly but always feel perpetually tired, so I'm thinking I'm lacking REM deep sleep. Any who....my dreams ALWAYS have that element of me needing to clear obstacles that, for some reason, are insurmountable....even SIMPLE hurdles. It's been a common theme of my dreams for as far back as I can recall. I feel powerless in my dreamscapes sadly. It's surreal to hear you describe it. Also, I'm dealing with hands-down the WORST INFJ BURNOUT experience of my life with these lockdowns. Think it all relates to my intense need for comfort, control or reassurance - none of which can be provided during ongoing uncertain times. I know everyone is suffering internally with all of this in some way, but I wouldn't doubt us INFJs are struggling at exponentially higher rates due simply to our personality type. Stay strong, INFJ Crew!!! Thanks for a great video, Clay!!!

I've struggled with awful insomnia (sometimes 4 full days without sleep) after a major disruption with a close friendship, as the person wouldn't be forthright and refused to talk it out. My wheels would not stop spinning about what was going on inside of them, what I wanted to say to them, planning every word on loop endlessly, covering everything I could. Horrible burnout.

@Lilly-ev7ll

Жыл бұрын

This happened to me 3 years ago when I had major issues with a close friendship. They have now completely left my life but it triggered terrible insomnia that I still deal with to this day. I completely relate to the overthinking loop and planning what I was going to say. These people just don't realise how much this stuff affects us and how deeply we process and feel it all. It still hurts now when I think about it and how it all happened.

For me burnout hits a lot of things. Lately it has been unable really shut my mind down and really get to sleep and even stay asleep. The intense let definitely rang true to me as that also has had me waking up in the middle of night and then having trouble getting back to sleep. Fatigue and procrastination also ring true for me as well, along with questioning almost everything as well so hard that stay focused on task

Im an INFJ and I’ve been in Burnout for the last couple of years. I describe it as being in a world with no color and everything is just grey. Things I’m passionate about are just shelved and My interest is just not there. The irony is I work in Radio, so I’m constantly bombarded with news, negativity and then having be social around people. I’ve done this for years, and I’ve gotten good at filtering out a lot of unnecessary weight. I do love what I do, however I still end up just crashing on the weekend. You’ve been very enlightening on the topic of INFJ burnout. One of my remedies for when I get overwhelmed at work, is to put my headphones on and play some Johnny Coltrane or Miles Davis on Pandora. Smooth Jazz seems to really help me defrag my emotions. Maybe that will help someone else!

Enjoyed it - thanks for that Clay 👍🏻😆 👋🏻 As an INFJ: I can wake up at exact same time (sometimes if I want to wake up at certain time, my brain ends up doing that for me with no need for alarm)- at stress times it can be amplified 🤦🏻‍♀️ -dreams are weird and rarely random; I see them in flashes/scenes as a third party (as if my soul is looking at me going through something); sometimes I even state while dreaming > remember this to think what does it symbolize when u wake up 🤭😥😰 -burn-out is at emotional and mental level for me > it manifest physically.. I can have fever easily. -socializing is a mean to balance us; I revert to silence (and recharge) can’t do it so long. Did it before but as I grow into my 30s I can’t wait to reach my 50s 🤣 -dropping people pleaser Fe and get to our Ni is blissful - it makes life more peaceful for us 🥰

All of this is so true for me. Most of my dreams are confusing as well. They are always something related to what I haven't been able to achieve or accomplish in life, may it be goals or people or things. GREAT VIDEO!

P.S.... your articulation has yet again resonated. Thank you :) •The use of Fe (vs Fi) helps me to better distinguish between Infps and Infjs. •I found healthy istps to be great to hang out with as an infj (especially if the infj uses Ti a lot more so). •Door slam tells me that I didn’t have enough healthy boundaries in place that allowed me to get to that point. •Too much experience with npds and educating myself on cluster b’s so I hope that I could spot it with more ease now. *I got a little excited so had to comment different points. 😊

The dream thing! Yes! Very vivid, yet confusing dreams. I remember a lot of feelings, but there’s a lot of confusion in them. Even as a kid, I had some weird dreams. I still remember dreams from when I was a kid, but remember more of the feeling than the details of it. Which is actually how I remember a lot of things of my childhood - bits and pieces with a lot of emotion.

I'm 16 and I often feel extremely burnt out at the end of the school day having to constantly deal with socialising with people and kind of jumping between different type of personalities when conversing with different people whilst on top trying to focus on actually learning lol

Wow this video was so timely. Here I am struggling to have a nap after being burn out for 2 day. And I receive a notification about infj burnout. I also 100 percent agree with the rumination part. Not feeling like you've done enough or just by being burnt out by the people your around.

I'm so grateful to have found your videos. I've been quietly absorbing information about cognitive functions for years and trying so hard to convince myself that I'm not an infj ( because who do I think I am trying to hang out with the cool kids) To be honest there's no question after listening to several of your videos. I've never felt so connected or said " me too!" to any other human as much as I say it in my head when you're talking. Also, your followers or at least the people who comment on your videos are also so amazing. Scrolling through a tribe of people's feelings that I can actually relate to is definitely not the norm for me. I hope you stay inspired to create more videos!

You’ve got me thinking I might be burning out Clay ... or have been for awhile I have night terrors, my dreams are mostly touch and sound. They’re pretty vivid, just not very visual. They get crazier if I’m anxious. I’d say it does cause me to have sleep issues. I’ve got an infj friend who is constantly telling me I overthink. Which I hate to admit but is probably true. I tunnel down into topics easily and loose awareness of my surroundings. The chameleon thing, yeah I’m a guild leader. I have found that anytime I join the discord I can mirror/match the people/energy. I like online socialization because I can easily say goodbye and disconnect. No hugs needed, no eternal goodbyes, just gone. Sometimes I just need to, because it gets to be allot. People for some reason come to me and blurt out their deepest issues and fears. I can barely know them and they just vomit their struggles at me. I deffinately understand your 3rd point. I worry that I do this to my infj friend too, kinda always on the lookout for it since he’s super important to me. Really the only person I consider a real friend. I support you 100% on news and media... I’m just done. I’m so annoyed with it, my reaction is to look away and click out. No need to get sucked into negativity. I get called out all the time about my “ ignorance” about world news. But if my happiness is the cost, it’s not worth it. Oh man you’re preaching to the choir about the councilor thing. But that’s my employment so, people tend to just come to me. Family, friends... I almost want to ask them to book me lol maybe if they paid me they might improve because my time cost them. I unfortunately have a narcissist I’m dealing with in my life currently. Allot of what you said about it hit home. PROGRESS! Haha yeah everyone says my forward moving pace is too much but I need it. Keeps me feeling fulfilled. :) I love the approach you brought up about celebrating every small step towards a goal. Sorry for the long reply. I just thought, well I always watch and never reply. Greetings from Ontario ^^

@ClayArnall

3 жыл бұрын

thanks for the response :)

@darleenbrown3906

3 жыл бұрын

Hi Tatiana Robbins Stay joined in with us in our group as an infj we L💞VE to have you here with us were you are understood as an infj i believe on this channel we are mostly all infjs if not all infjs on this channel. 💞

@darleenbrown3906

3 жыл бұрын

And, thanks to Clay Amall♥️ For caring all this information with us . He has a wonderful channel.

@darleenbrown3906

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks 😊 Clay Amall ♥️ For sharing and, caring 💞

@mysterygirl30011

3 жыл бұрын

"Dreams come with many cares" Ecclesiastes 5:3 Makes sense you dream more when stressed

Thank you! This is so me. All of it. It helps a lot to hear that I’m not alone.

Omg I am so happy I have found your channel. Being an INFJ myself I struggle a lot with my feelings trying to understand myself. First of all I have to say it's so good to know others have the same problem and second of all it's soothing to get feedback on all those feelings and struggles we are facing. All I've heard here is so helpful. Thanks for sharing!

people wear me out, the narcissists, people who are not authentic, I'm so productive when I'm alone and in my zone. I finally am coming out of not feeling anxiety of being understood. i have difficulty turning my brain off, but i've been really aware of my circadian rhythm, focus on getting to bed early enough so you don't miss that window. i talk outloud to myself, and my anxiety is with my son, he doesn't get along with his sister and now i've given up solving it, it is what is, i can no longer absorb these feelings, and have given up seeking harmony. oh yes, the chameleon, i just morphed myself when i was younger, but by my early 20's i stopped, and then met my husband, i decided to be myself and see if someone would like me. Everything you're saying, i kept thinking yes to everything.....and i don't watch news, i too decided there's nothing i can solve it, tired of our politicians keeping us fighting, i've removed recording shallow tv shows...people fighting...i spend hours on my hobbies at night, overall i'm much happier.

@iBeFaheezy

3 жыл бұрын

How did you figure out which you was you to end the chameleon effect ?? Xx

Thank you for this thorough and fascinating exploration, of which I could most certainly relate! I think I would most probably add mundanity to the list. Even if I find a task or job rewarding, if it gets too same same then it can become oppressive and I need a release from it.

I love to watch you talk. I can see you thinking trying to pick the best wording for what your trying to say. Story of the INFJs life! 😂

You are awesome Clay. Love your videos. This really helped.

I think the door slam can be good in certain contexts . For me I would say I have had two unhealthy door slams . I cried and cried for the person and then my emotions just vanished . In a way it did help me get over what happened but I didn't quite know how healthy it really was . My most recent door slam I would say is a healthy and good one that I'm proud of and the reason I'm proud of it is because I'm finally choosing to love myself , I'm finally choosing to not let the same type of people enter my life anymore and my last door slam on my most recent relationship is a symbolization of that going forward . It was the hardest door slam ever in the fact that with this one I do actually want to go back, I've been tempted to , but I choose not to because I know what's right . That's why I'm proud of this door slam. I could choose to go back to a mentally abusive relationship but I choose to love me and my child first .

Thank you sooooooo much for pushing through and making these videos. They are so validating. Thus healing and edifying.

That was really good, I needed to hear that information, 💯 thank you for your hard work

I just want to thank you for all of this. I had no idea. It now makes a lot of sense as to why I am the way I am.

Thank you, Clay for this video. It is incredibly relateable. I guess, withdrawing completely and procrastinating adds to the woes. That way, we will have more than we can handle staring us in the eyes once we swing back to ' action and motivation' side of the pendulum. Taking a break from people helps, undoubtedly. But instead of sinking into passivity, doing the nurturing stuff, decluttering and grounding ourselves helps us effortlessly drift into a sound sleep. I also get intense and strange dreams during burnout. And, the next morning, I feel grateful for those dreams as they purged the rotten stuff lying dormant in my subconscious. You video helped me understand my burnout better. I am sure I will manage my burnouts better in future. Thank you, again!

Another Great Vid! I Relate to so much of this. Sleep has always been trash for me and dreams are always crazy. Also, that line between reality and dream is a flexible one, for sure. You are not alone!

Infj here. Sleep issues? In the past I've had insomnia, sleep paralysis and strange dreaming. It's all much better these days. I credit my faith a lot. Self awareness and understanding personalities is big too. Thanks for an informative video.

Thank you for these videos. I am an INFJ to a T. I am also an ICU nurse who experienced extreme burn out during Covid. The suffering of patients and family was so overwhelming. I could not shut it out long enough to recover one day to the next. Learning more about how I process has helped me find better coping mechanisms and be kinder to myself. I am grateful.💜

Hey there! Burnout, definitely a familiair topic to me. And to answer your question, yes I do have a sleeping disorder as a fellow INFJ, delayed sleep phase syndrome which basically means it takes me hours and hours to fall asleep because my mind is so active. As a kid I used to sleepwalk like crazy, I would be able to open doors in my sleep and I at times almost headed outside 😂 Right now I'm just quite restless in my sleep. I also have AD(H)D btw. The part about you dreaming something that you can't seem to progress in I found very interesting, I have those dreams too! I related it to my executive dysfunction related to my ADD that keeps me stuck in one place at times, despite my best efforts. Interesting video!

@dag5579

3 жыл бұрын

Should you and i take melatonin?

@aquariusstar7248

3 жыл бұрын

Whatever you do dont take prescription sleep aid...my goodness. I think this sleep behavior is the INFJ mind function of strong intuitive cognitive patterns operating while you sleep. Try meditation, even just counting objects with strong focus, or concetrating on a picture of an object in nature like a single leaf or flower to gain control of these powerful mind forces you possess.

@dag5579

3 жыл бұрын

@@aquariusstar7248 but melatonin is a hormone that we allready produce, not a drug. Id never take sleeping pills.

@hiraijo1582

3 жыл бұрын

@@dag5579 i am a MD and have trouble to sleep too. melatonin will work for a week or maybe 10 days. then your body gets used to it and simply shuts down its own melatoninproduction. you get addicted to exogenous melatonin in the same way as to benzodiazepine. better you build up your own serotonin by getting sunlight before noon. this will turn to melatonin in the evening. no blue lights before bedtime. melatonin should only be taken for 2-3 days in a row. for example if you have a jetlag.

@dag5579

3 жыл бұрын

@@hiraijo1582 Okay thank you!

Thank you so much for this video. You have validated so many of my feelings about burnout.

I recently found your channel! I’m an INFJ counselor practicing from an energy psychology perspective. Your insight is helping me so much, many thanks