Someone asked me "who's that guy with all the 6 second jokes?" I said "those are vines."

@OrpheusMatt

2 жыл бұрын

👏👏👏

I saw him live and it’s incredible how much energy he has, he just keeps going! Plus his songs are fun too, it’s good he has that side to it, getting paid to sing, as he always wanted to be a pop star.

I love Tim Vine and Milton Jones

This bloke said to me "I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar," I said "Is that a fret ?"

@phoenix1977

2 жыл бұрын

and then he said to me, at christmas, i'm the little drummerboy. and i said, alright, no need to bang on about it.

@dapaintbrush6965

Жыл бұрын

​@@phoenix1977alright pipe down

I went to a zoo today. It was terrible, it only had a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

@raysmith2940

Жыл бұрын

Lol, great joke. x

The police have arrested my two brothers for stealing car batteries and fireworks. They're charging one but letting the other off. 😉

Someone stole my hoover - now theres just a vacuum

What a nice man!!

I saw him live and he was just incredible

@CricketEngland

3 жыл бұрын

I saw him at the Melbourne comedy festival brilliant

This guy is simply the best..saw him last night in St Albans and i’ve never laughed so much for so long. I’ve had his dvd’s for years but live he is off the scale funny 😂

Tim deserves to be in a lot of movies

when he sings 'squeaky shoes' in his act it has me in hysterics

@eyebrowman1

6 ай бұрын

I only know 'Alarm Bells', which is so off kilter and funny f😊

Supermarkets have starting selling budgies … apparently they're FLYING off the shelves

@juliusseesaw5450

5 жыл бұрын

Shocking . Go home

@waynekenzitt5164

3 жыл бұрын

I went to a clothes shop and said "Can I try that suit on in the window, and the assistant said "No, you'll have to try a cubicle"

My favourite comedian ❤️

Brilliant.

The song “nervous legs” gets me for some reason

i always wanted to be a bus driver, but i dont like people talking behind my back

I formed a band called 999 megabytes. We havent got a gig yet........

@karlhinze

3 жыл бұрын

Technically a gigabyte is 1024 megabytes... Sorry.

@marksims3904

3 жыл бұрын

@@karlhinze Yeh I know...............actually 1024 bytes was the total memory of my first ever computer. The ZX81. Almost 40 years ago now...

@raysmith2940

Жыл бұрын

OK Karl, I formed a band called 1023 megabytes. We haven't got a gig yet......

@mjp8648

15 күн бұрын

@@marksims3904I bought that computer for £70. Pathetic memory. Sold it for about £40. Still got the ZX Spectrum though.

Top guy👍

As I was once asked by a mate as I was playing the organ, he said "Can you do nights in white satin, I said "No, i prefer to come in my suit, and also he said "Can you play "From A Distance, I said No, Ill play it here and he said Can you play "By the rivers of Babylon, I said "No, ther'll be no where to plug in the organ, An Irishman had his bus in his house, he was asked why, he replied Ive been told to work from home

Love you Tim. XXX

Great guy

I love Time Vine, but this interview is just painful!

@creameryuk4905

Жыл бұрын

It does take time to wrap your head around things

@pete3816

Жыл бұрын

@@creameryuk4905 not at all. Nothing here to wrap your head around in the slightest. It’s just a simple matter of a god awful interviewer asking the most mundane questions in the most amateurish and disinterested way. Truly rubbish.

@ravenaussie3760

Жыл бұрын

@@pete3816 Yes, but what does that have to do with the fact that "bed" backwards is "deb"?

@fargus3486

Жыл бұрын

Tim's approach and facials here remind me of Ronnie o Sullivan

What great parents he must have had for him to be a major stand up and his brother a major journalist. I don’t know if I have that kind of courage (as a parent).

I bought eyeglasses once-but I never used them. Couldn’t read the instructions.

My wife said "if sex was an Olympic sport, you'd get the gold medal". I said, "why?" She said, "you always come first".

@waynekenzitt5164

3 жыл бұрын

I actually remember coming second in a competition, well only two entered

@waynekenzitt5164

3 жыл бұрын

There is something called plumbers sex, you stay in for two hours and no one comes

A little bit of pain , never hurt anyone.... You can have that one Tim 😂

The bronze joke is Milton jones’ one. House breaking award? He got the silver

I sold my hoover cause it sucks

I'm not sure he was the right guy to interview Tim Vine.

He and Jeremy sound exactly alike. Weird how they're on opposite ends of the media spectrum. You gotta love them both though.

@JB_inks

3 жыл бұрын

Except Jeremy is awful

@ots1634

2 жыл бұрын

no they dont

@kh7688

2 жыл бұрын

@@ots1634 They do

@ots1634

2 жыл бұрын

@@kh7688 not

two canibals are eating a clown and one says to the other 'does this taste funny to you' ?

brilliant

pen behind the ear.. (pen) behind the ear.. pen behind the ear.. Time Vine OWNS surrealism.

@NewFalconerRecords

7 ай бұрын

Flag Hippo.

Very talented funny man

Surely it has to be his brother Jeremy!

Conjunctivitus? I didn't see that coming.

in 1960 I was scare of the blue peter dog I was petra fied

BeeGees tribute. Cannot stop watching it. Send help

@newbarker523

2 жыл бұрын

Don't get it?

@tobymcgroby8967

2 жыл бұрын

@@newbarker523 Just a dumb joke, I was referring to the bizarre Beegees-style gibberish song. Link: kzread.info/dash/bejne/gmWhubN_hrmZmbg.html

@newbarker523

2 жыл бұрын

@@tobymcgroby8967 Thanks! I hadn't seen that before. I'm fairly early on in my Tim Vine video crawl, having just finished a Gary Delaney stint :) What a great tribute!

It bugs me that they keep referring to his gags as one-liners when they are really two-liners.

@oldtimer5111

3 жыл бұрын

It's a one line set up, then the punch line.

@04hansfordsam

3 жыл бұрын

@@oldtimer5111 Um... yeah. Two lines.

@04hansfordsam

2 жыл бұрын

@Wooly Chewbakker Oh I see. So why is the last bit called a punch "line" if it's still part of the same line :(

Think of a subject. Conjunctivitis. Well, I didn't see that one coming.

3:43 "We should be a double act". What does he mean by that, What does he meeeaan, What does he mean by that? 👀

Matt Barbet is so handsome!

@michaelmcguinness10

Жыл бұрын

ankle downwards

Mitch Hedberg.... I used to do drugs. I still do but i used to too.

@ColinIngus1

3 жыл бұрын

Is a hippopotamus just a really cool poppotamus

@iball310369

3 жыл бұрын

@@ColinIngus1 i was walking past the dry cleaners at 3 in the morning🤣🤣🤣🤣

@ColinIngus1

3 жыл бұрын

@@iball310369 [Sorry. We're closed] XD

@raysmith2940

Жыл бұрын

RIP Mitch.

The man united team train now arriving on platform 2 has 3 coaches! (and a ref)

I dint get the train on platform 1.2.3.4.5 and 6 coming sideways joke... can someone explain.

@dieseldes1301

3 жыл бұрын

Because the train is coming in sideways it’s across all the tracks at the same time 😂

@Usha8199

3 жыл бұрын

Ah.. Got it now.. Thx..Witty..

D Vine Comedy

This man is a genesis

@asherloat8570

3 жыл бұрын

And the other guy is an exodus

I went to a boxing match last night,...... I cant think of a punch line.

I dont get that last joke with the trains :3 someone explain plox

@ryans1202

9 жыл бұрын

The same train arriving at all platforms will be arriving side ways.

@THEDONKDEVIL

8 жыл бұрын

in other words its come on the tracks and is crashing into all platforms

wanna hear my favorite joke? Humanity HAAAHAAAHAAAHAA! get it?

Someone told me my teeth were awful and immediately one fell out and all the rest began aching l went to the dentist and it turns out l have sensitive teeth. I think that's an original by me, but feel free to use it.

i asked a shop assistant in Tesco whether they sold shittake mushrooms - he said all of their mushrooms are shit

@tonyb5884

3 жыл бұрын

SECURITY!!!!!!!

He's very funny in the right circumstances but this is a bit of a shit interview.

he could play Boris Johnston

how is this news?

@fooman65

8 жыл бұрын

Lighten up boring arse

@moodini99

8 жыл бұрын

+fooman65 You lighten up. His musing was rather humorous.

@ianlarkins8713

8 жыл бұрын

+moodini99 😊

@TheGodParticle

7 жыл бұрын

Rather this than car bombs and suicide bombers

Sorry T

S

Here's a good joke: Man goes to Oxford University and despite getting the best education money can buy decides not to get a job.

To be very funny you have to be very serious.

Funny guy meets humourless news anchor. The results are predictable.

Long jokes can be a bit boring.

I dont get the joke about the bus

@TekFreq

8 жыл бұрын

+Jian Qiu He lost his job because he ran over his wife

@CT2507

8 жыл бұрын

+TekFreq his girlfriend...he hadn't married her yet.

@adamthornton5027

8 жыл бұрын

+CT2507 TekFreq has just subconsciously revealed to us that he's thinking about running over his wife.

@CT2507

8 жыл бұрын

Adam Thornton at least he is an honest man.

@adamthornton5027

8 жыл бұрын

+CT2507 True... true... Honesty is a fine quality indeed.

The millionaires train now arriving on platform 1 is made up of 3 clarages

An unfortunate resemblance to Pratt Halfcocked

Call this comedy he is as talented as his brother.

The days of the 'one liner' died with the Titanic. Tim Vine - 'withering lows' and instantly forgettable.