I can't believe empress theressa 5-minute-crafted her way out of a government execution

@KrimsonRogue

Жыл бұрын

This is now one of my favorite comments ever!

@mackerelmafia2898

Жыл бұрын

@@KrimsonRogue Absolute legend, still reading the comments after two and a half years

@Chocobo0Scribe

Жыл бұрын

I’d also say she somehow TroomTroom’d her way out

@goldenproject1892

Жыл бұрын

@@KrimsonRogue Have you read anything worse than Empress Theresa?

@noveltea9593

Жыл бұрын

Ohhh burn 🔥 😅

First Image: Jesus has entered the video and sits on a throne draped in the fur of a Dalmatian, surrounded by volumes of man's greatest works and in his hand, he holds man's greatest mistake.

@stoppickingurnose7852

4 жыл бұрын

This is beautiful.

@elenaobradovic4181

4 жыл бұрын

This is better Christian imagery than anything in the book itself

@adrianinha19

4 жыл бұрын

I love this!

@lud3445

4 жыл бұрын

And a pillow saying just one more chapter

@skyblade7438

4 жыл бұрын

If it's as comfortable as Krim says, I should try that book chair some time.

Tbh, "Lucy the crackhead who lives under the stairs" is a much more compelling premise and character than whatever this is.

@amonrawya3064

Жыл бұрын

I would read a book about Lucy, the crackhead who lives under the stairs.

@thedeepfriar745

Жыл бұрын

Cormac McCarthy could take that character and turn it into an award winning novel

@TheMrMojoRisin67

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like a Nightvale parody character.

@funnynickname1126

9 ай бұрын

@@TheMrMojoRisin67this got a laugh out of me, thank you lmao

@devilishjester7718

8 ай бұрын

New sonic OC game protagonist confirmed

You own an actual…. Physical copy of Empress Theresa… that’s like owning a real copy of hand drawn Sonichu in legendary bad books. Awesome.

@milkwater1204

2 жыл бұрын

I need both of these things

@left-2-write28

2 жыл бұрын

Do you think Norman thinks Theresa is real like Chris thinks all his nonsense is real? I honestly wouldnt put it past him.

@ganii1804

2 жыл бұрын

would unironically want physical copies of every sonichu issue

@serenepogi

Жыл бұрын

@@left-2-write28 Norman wrote this for 40 years, the possibility is there

@cameronpeterson6734

Жыл бұрын

I'm sure Norman believes he is married to Theresa in a different dimension that he has a psychic link to just like Chris Chan and his/her characters

The line "I was born, I had a good time, I was vaporized by a bomb" would actually be kinda funny in a better book ngl.

@Error403HRD

4 жыл бұрын

Actually, I'm using this as a writing prompt now.

@ponypublications

4 жыл бұрын

@@Error403HRD Awesome! Someone needs to do it justice.

@jptata3161

4 жыл бұрын

See that's a good first sentence! I want to read that book.

@angelsartandgaming

4 жыл бұрын

I want to put this line in a Guardians of a Galaxy fic cause this seems like a GOTG quote. Rocket: Well, I was born, had a good time, was vaporized by a bomb.

@lilysnape6520

4 жыл бұрын

@@angelsartandgaming The mantis(cosplayer) in me : Ohh, you poor little cat. You need a hug.

Chapter One: I was a cute kid Chapter Four: I skydived thousands of feet with my Coke bottles in my armpits

@t.thomas8919

4 жыл бұрын

Pacing... where the hell are you?!

@XenRiddle

4 жыл бұрын

Legendary...

@BichaelStevens

4 жыл бұрын

JRPG logic: Chapter one: find lost kitty Chapter ten: Enter the womb of mankind to kill the primordial God

@NosferatuWickedTTRPG

4 жыл бұрын

@@BichaelStevens To be fair you already have a 100 hours in game with JRPGs lol

@ForcedHandleName

4 жыл бұрын

She ain't gonna be too cute after she lands.

I've been working on a book idea for 10 years. Had the idea since I was twelve. Since its conception, I have written, erased, rewritten, and revised my ideas and writing in meticulous and excruciating detail. I was convinced for years that my ideas were stupid, or that my writing wasn't "good enough". If it was less than perfect, it wasn't worth sharing. After seeing several reviews of literature, all of which is better burned in a symbolic fire than read with mortal eyes...I have decided to give my novel the ol' college try, because, dear God in Heaven, anything I write cannot be as bad as this.

@elizabethyoung5304

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, watching the reviews in this series I feel vindicated. So, it's back to editing my two novel rough drafts. Hope you have fun as well in your own endeavors @Jack o'Lantern

@thequeenofcringe1585

Жыл бұрын

I once got the idea for a story where you have to remove the brain or heart of a shapeshifter in order to kill one, because otherwise the shapeshifter could just heal themselves with the shapeshifting powers. I thought it would make shapeshifters overpowered, but it turns out that they weren’t. Shapeshifters can still die of old age, it just takes much longer than humans. Turns out setting clear limitations and keeping the magic consistent makes a better story.

@TheAdrift

Жыл бұрын

Here’s the most valuable piece of advice I’ve ever gotten: “If you’re worried about whether or not you can ever do something right, don’t be, because there is someone out there CONFIDENTLY doing it wrong as we speak!” 🤣 In all seriousness, the fact that you even acknowledge that you could make a mistake means you’re headed in the right direction. From one writer to another, you got this! 😊

@koppsr

Жыл бұрын

@some rando That is legitimately the best advice I've ever heard. I'm going to print that on a shirt and wear it every god damn day from now on.😎👍👍👍👍

@zamp_gaming

Жыл бұрын

I've been working on mine since freshmen year of high school. It's been 15 years. At least a dozen rewrites, revisions, new ideas, scrapping of old ones. I felt the same as you for so long and kept my writing restricted to just a couple select friends. Not even my husband has read more than a chapter, and that was about two rewrites ago. Books like this give writers like us a much needed confidence boost. There's no doubt in my mind our books will be far better than this dumpster fire.

Me: "Yeah, this book is obviously garbage, but it's not much worse than some wattpad stories or fanfictions. Him: "And that's just the first chapter." Me: "Humanity was a mistake."

@bloodrosereaper2099

Жыл бұрын

Almost makes you want to build a time machine, go back to the primordial earth and kick our fishy ancestor back into the ocean before that asshole even thinks about coming on land.

@theflyingspaget

9 ай бұрын

Wattpad stories usually written by 10-20 year olds who end up cringing at their work as they improve and move on. This book was released when Norman was about 50. Sure, maybe he'd never written before that, but the series doesn't get any better as it goes on. Wattpad and fanfiction is 100 times better than this mess.

@lunaeons45

9 ай бұрын

@theflyingspaget plus its kinda fun watching writers get better in real time.

Moral to the story: Be nice to the critics. Sometimes they're the only ones who buy your book

@BigPuddin

3 жыл бұрын

More people have seen this critique than bought that lunatic's book.

@zakai-kaz

3 жыл бұрын

The Raddest Chad 🇹🇩

@BigPuddin

3 жыл бұрын

@@zakai-kaz Ah, the land of eternal vampires. Lovely place.

@GrumbleBricks

3 жыл бұрын

It's either them or the universities

@imveryangryitsnotbutter

3 жыл бұрын

These days, the only thing exposure pays for is COVID.

"Congratulations Onision, you are no longer the worst writer I've ever read." You're telling me... this is worse than Reaper's Creek. JESUS.

@shosty575

4 жыл бұрын

CHRIST

@dillonparker6624

4 жыл бұрын

Reapers creek was bad because it was a power fantasy fan fic for Greg. Empress Theresa is barely even a story, like there is no real characters or story to speak of. If your story is missing a story, then your story is awful.

@ImportAustralia

4 жыл бұрын

@@dillonparker6624 Iunno. This dude's OC is starting to sound like just as much of a power fantasy as Greg's self insert at this point.

@oriiprince

4 жыл бұрын

I honestly can't tell the difference.

@skyblade7438

4 жыл бұрын

I mean, Theresa doesn't have underage sex.

i love that the rock throwing is presented as a superpower. If you go to any village in India you will find multiple children who can do this. They can hit a rabid dog in the eye at 50 yards. This is a normal thing

@marynoble9464

Жыл бұрын

white people powers just being average minority practices will always be my favorite ignorant author red flag

@yossarian00

Жыл бұрын

Theyre built different

@Wired_User

Жыл бұрын

Someone should give them all slings. They’ll be out here braining man and dog alike.

@juliebartlett4222

Жыл бұрын

You can tell when someone doesn't have kids; he doesn't understand how much kids can learn to do with just a little practice, and how shockingly well they can do it.

@justin2308

8 ай бұрын

The worst part about it is, I just now realized, Norman actually might’ve been trying to draw a parallel between Theresa and King David. Correction: He was trying to make Theresa one-up King David.

On Theresa skipping the 5th grade because of her hair: That means Norman, a grown man, is describing the emotional maturity of his teenage protagonist through her physical attributes. Yeah... I don't like it.

@Mario87456

9 ай бұрын

50:29 for those that want to see that exact part.

@malikapollard3618

4 ай бұрын

Why would a man write a character of a young girl in this modern era ... ? What's his reference? Especially since he is writing from the girl's pov. Being a parent could help, but obviously it didn't. So tired of men writing female and female writing male protagonists without caring that what they think of the opposite sex is just wrong.

@AshleyWilliams-xq7lj

4 ай бұрын

​​​​​​@@malikapollard3618 it's weird how a lot of writers don't bother to base opposite sexed characters on people they know well (their habits, perspectives, opinions etc.) It's also a good idea to have someone of the opposite sex look over it and point out anything that's off. These things take so little effort too. I'm instantly reminded of the times Krimson said "Is this what the author thinks guys are like???"

@jaccobbailey8247

Ай бұрын

@@AshleyWilliams-xq7lj I think it’s often a problem of perspective. There’s a lotta cultural context behind sex and gender, and it’s really hard to actually get that right. Now, to be fair, if you have a really hard time writing women, maybe you shouldn’t make your protagonist a female, but still. Normally it’s not as simple as just “write them like a person” because good god that’s not even advice; it’s a matter of context and perspective. And while you should have other women you know read through it for sensitivity focus and to hear what they think could improve it, there’s still a baseline problem there. Norman doesn’t seem to write ANYONE well tho, so who knows

@Nightman221k

28 күн бұрын

I think he has a strange fetish for hair. The part where all the French people cry over Joan of Arc's skull having long strands of thick beautiful hair on it was weird as hell. First off, I always heard Joan cut her hair to look androgynous so I dunno if it'd be long, hair burns, and the French people crying over it? Oookay...

What Krimson said: "Congratulations Onision, you are no longer the worst author I have ever read" What Onision heard: "I'm so sorry Greg, I was wrong in my initial analyses, and I have reviewed my opinion. You are the most godly and manly writer that ever existed and I really hope you don't throat punch me like 23 star master general president diety arthur did to those airmen".

@user-hanging-at-the-hanged-man

4 жыл бұрын

Snoogen11 **those poor airmen who didn’t do anything before I broke his arm and gouged out his eye*

@chongjunxiang3002

4 жыл бұрын

Please don't drop my jaw like the 14 years old LORD Daniel did to girlfriend father.

@skyblade7438

4 жыл бұрын

@@chongjunxiang3002 Please allow me the dignity of a magnificent coffin.

@licasabinaandreea2361

4 жыл бұрын

Please do not defeat me like you did with that school shooter- oh....WAIT

@natemanning924

4 жыл бұрын

If you try hard enough, you can turn any comment section into an Onision bad circle jerk.

"I'm sitting on a throne of books" *Knowledge is power*

@hydrofalls8154

4 жыл бұрын

the best part

@sugarm1860

4 жыл бұрын

Game of Books sounds like such a good show

@thevoidlookspretty7079

4 жыл бұрын

An Emperor Rogue. How’s that for a royal title?

@Gotham_Outlaw

4 жыл бұрын

@@thevoidlookspretty7079 He would be on a Thanos level of power seeing as how Thanos was knowledgeable himself.

@michelsand5399

4 жыл бұрын

"Heavy is the head, that wears the paper crown." -Krimson Rogue 2019

I think, canonically, the officers thought Theresa was just really emotionally attached to the garbage bag, possibly even the garbage in the bag, and could not bring themselves to strip her of her last dignity to bring her comfort trash to her execution.

@-niaa

2 жыл бұрын

I think about that garbage bag in this light a lot. She didn’t have a genius escape plan, she just really liked the shape of the coke bottles and collected them for pure joy.

@gabbodelaparrawrites

Жыл бұрын

That's giving too much credit and emotional depth to that man's writing skills. It also sounds like something Prime Minister Whatever would say to make the case for Empress Tee. 😅

@mypasswordsareplottingagai9448

Жыл бұрын

Lmaoo 😭😭

@Tcoldsteel

Жыл бұрын

Comfort trash…😂

@KM-hv1jg

Жыл бұрын

“You wouldn’t part a Mary Sue from her trash?”

2:55 He's basically a creepy old religious fanatic obsessed with Joan of Arc so he wrote a story where she's a Mary Sue called Theresa. The Claude Frollo of authors.

@CorpusCacus

Жыл бұрын

Even Claude Frollo had a basic grasp of human interaction.

@juliebartlett4222

Жыл бұрын

He's not even a religious fanatic; he's just a narcissist who either simps hard for Joan of Arc, or wishes he were her.

@my_girl_seraphine5294

3 ай бұрын

He’s like how George R. R. Martin loves to write about little girls and women

@aquaabouttogetfunky

4 күн бұрын

@@my_girl_seraphine5294at least George is a competent writer who writes compelling stories…

"I was born. I had a good time. I was vaporized by a bomb." This line would have been very meaningful...if it wasnt from this book.

@ForcedHandleName

4 жыл бұрын

That sounds like a really good opening line in a better book.

@jennasyde5677

4 жыл бұрын

It sounds like it's come straight from Douglas Adams

@CaptainTittus

4 жыл бұрын

Sounds like what I would say after being nuked off the face of the earth does this section of the book go into anything related to the nuking of Japan? From what I am getting from everyone is that is a no

@graceanderson8731

4 жыл бұрын

Interesting perspective. Usually when people draw attention to that line it's to call it funny, but here people deem it one of the best aspects of this story. Just goes to show how everyone is different.

@juanmoreno6591

4 жыл бұрын

@@graceanderson8731 It's both. It is indeed a line that has a lot of potential as a set up for a story and which a skilled writter could run with for something fantastic. But is also completely absurd in the way it is actually used in this book.

To be fair, even if Onision isn't the worst author, he still has the lovely distinction of being the worst person.

@sorrychangedmyusername3594

4 жыл бұрын

Jaystation would be equal to him.

@winterwolf6910

4 жыл бұрын

Neither would Onision to be fair

@souvikmitra6161

4 жыл бұрын

@leah rose but he has completion in Itookgaypotion I mean Iamjaystation...

@porcirain9143

4 жыл бұрын

@@souvikmitra6161 yeah he's terrible but as far as I know he hasn't left multiple people with broken self esteem and groom multiple teen agers

@BJWFenix

4 жыл бұрын

if you want a worse writer and a barely better human check out brett keane..

Wait, so Theresa got a boyfriend, broke up with him because he's a two-timer, got a new boyfriend and married him, all in a single chapter in a book this freaking long? Complete with irrelevant bloviating and lack of actual detail? Onision's books had better love stories than that!

@bubbletea6269

2 жыл бұрын

I don’t know. They both have equal amounts of shit.

@frankisnot1148

2 жыл бұрын

At least Stones to However the FUCK You Spell That Name was somewhat cohesive and had something that looked like a plot.

@thequeenofcringe1585

Жыл бұрын

@@frankisnot1148 not even just Stones to Broken Girl Who Needs Onion to Save Her, but in Lesbian Fetishization and Onion Becomes God too. At least with the lesbian character in Lesbian Fetishization. There’s some semblance of a buildup, even if it’s SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE.

@shipper-of-heart8898

Жыл бұрын

@@thequeenofcringe1585 I cant tell what's worse- that or 'Reaper's Creek of a boy who has psychotic episodes and gets into a graphic sexual relationship with a girl two years older that keeps going until shes 18 and hes 16,then he learns he's the product of incestual r*pe between two god siblings and he becomes God in the process and gets physically older, with his gf making a remark of 'awww now you're too old for me' so basically admitting she's a p-do

@thequeenofcringe1585

Жыл бұрын

@@shipper-of-heart8898 it’s all horrible

Better opening lines because I have no life: My name's Theresa Sullivan. I'm seventeen years old, and I guess I'm pretty average aside from the primordial alien merged with me on the cellular level. Aside from holding the world together with my blood, sweat, and tears, I like knitting, studying, and hanging out with my boyfriend. I love you Steve, best part of my hellish existence on this planet!

@sunn7615

2 жыл бұрын

See when I read this I get a creepy vibe, like I'm about to read a book from the perspective of the villain who succeeds at destroying the world despite the best efforts of the heroes to stop them

@agquad

6 ай бұрын

​@sunn7615 I literally don't believe you could ever portray Theresa in a benevolent light, as Norman failed to do. She is fundamentally an evil and corrupt concept.

@wolfbyte2468

3 ай бұрын

@@sunn7615 To be fair, that's what the book is about!

I'd call Norman the YandereDev of literature, but at least he finished his book.

@KrimsonRogue

3 жыл бұрын

Shots fired. XD

@ember3411

3 жыл бұрын

This comment needs more appreciation

@natemanning924

3 жыл бұрын

Dude, just turn yourself in. You are a goddamn murderer.

@theedgypenguin4083

3 жыл бұрын

Okay that was beautiful

@pasiaangelo6442

3 жыл бұрын

Jesus christ you murdered him.

Elderly man writes novel about his OC Lolita Waifu.

@absolutelyyousless7605

4 жыл бұрын

He even has bad/normie taste in his waifu... -He should have picked monster girls instead.-

@Ashamaxa

4 жыл бұрын

@@absolutelyyousless7605 Furry waifu

@snowlee6690

4 жыл бұрын

@@Ashamaxa no monster fuckers and furries are two different groups, tho they intersect at times aka werewolf

@punchyboi6915

4 жыл бұрын

Read by English major jesus

@L_mattox

Ай бұрын

@@AshamaxaYES

"It deals with Humanity's problems, therefore it's not a YA novel." Tell that to every early 2010s Dystopian YA novel.

@juliebartlett4222

Жыл бұрын

And it handles those problems with far less grace.

@TheGallantDrake

Жыл бұрын

@@juliebartlett4222if you think about it, that’s actually kinda impressive.

@bleuumscarlett7977

9 ай бұрын

It seems to read like a book for children age 7 and up... you know, like your first "big" novels so indeed, not a YA lol

"Bitch, I am sitting on a throne made of books!" needs to be a GIF

@HangryOnPaws

2 жыл бұрын

Hail to the book king

@songweretson1513

2 жыл бұрын

It's still not a gif, and I am very disappointed

@thequeenofcringe1585

Жыл бұрын

@@HangryOnPaws BOOKS FOR THE BOOK KING

@HangryOnPaws

Жыл бұрын

@@thequeenofcringe1585 BOOKS FOR THE BOOK THRONE

@yourlocaltheatrekid900

Жыл бұрын

one year later, I have made the GIF

"I've seen better foreshadowing on the expiration date on my milk" Oh my god this is brilliant.

@fellowhuman8830

4 жыл бұрын

I'm going to use that for criticism

@Brielleannmarie

4 жыл бұрын

Me: *WRITE THAT DOWN* *WRITE THAT DOWN*

@kenwood_9474

4 жыл бұрын

That was seriously good!

@left-2-write28

3 жыл бұрын

I actually choked on my coffee laughing at that. Still disappointing I wasn't drinking milk to make it ironic.

@KaiKrimson56

3 жыл бұрын

@@left-2-write28 *Milk one day before it expires.

I want "im sitting on a throne of books your opinion means jackshit to me." On a t-shirt

@Anyratac

4 жыл бұрын

CyrusEros how much would you pay for one

@cyrusphoenix0289

4 жыл бұрын

@@Anyratac i mean if its something like redbubble it depends on the design or art thats involved 23 bucks is average Also material comes in to mind

@Hopppp

4 жыл бұрын

CyrusEros I really like your pfp, what is it?

@cyrusphoenix0289

4 жыл бұрын

@@Hopppp i think its a vocaloid. I googled guy vocaloid. Ill get back to you about what it is.

@kaidorade1317

4 жыл бұрын

I would buy that shirt!

Your effort to NOT say Mary Sue is admirable

@henryisthere

7 ай бұрын

I was gonna go with narcissist. Mary Sue works too.

@malikapollard3618

4 ай бұрын

True. I don't like when characters have thoughts that are self agrandizing. Such a red flag. I found her self-absorbed, does mental gymnastics and I don't understand why her uniform pockets bend with her boobs. 😅😂

@emberproductions8841

3 ай бұрын

To be fair I was gonna go with Bitch, but I think all names apply

...Norman referring to Krimson as being "immersed in fourth rate media" and then directly saying his character is better due to avoiding "THE media" irks me because it implies that not only does Norman refuse to acknowledge the difference between media (books, movies, etc) and THE media (reporters and the like), but that he's okay with making himself look like an idiot for the sake of saying "you're a troll and my waifu OC is better than you." Willful ignorance is annoying.

@Kaanfight

Жыл бұрын

Normal was implying Krimson was just really into independent journalism that’s off the beaten path

@Grim_Sister

Жыл бұрын

Norman also writes that his character hates classical art and architecture (when she visits France). The man won’t know good media if you stole a Rembrandt and hit him with it

@shipper-of-heart8898

Жыл бұрын

@@Grim_Sister which is funny because Norman compares his book to some of the greatest writings ever. But what can you expect from a man who compares his character to Stalin and Hitler?

@kevincairo8917

Жыл бұрын

@@shipper-of-heart8898 heh, even writing a character comparable to your mentioned people can be great. Tanya from Saga of Tanya the Evil is literally little girl H itler yet it's better written than Norman's waifu oc.

@teslashark

9 ай бұрын

Norman is likely actually insane, but never tested himself for scizophrenia or OCD.

A common expression used for first drafts of novels is "Saying your book is bad on the first draft is like saying your cake tastes bad while the ingredients are still on the counter." This book is like if you walked out of the store, dropped your bag of ingredients in the middle of the road, let it get run over by seven cars, took it home and made the cake anyway. Then set it on fire.

@PEDROGARCIA-qj3gr

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly, I actually find some lines he wrote pretty funny, even the main character could fit in a dark comedy if all the point with her was being a narcissistic and hypocritical person with superpowers.

@bmiller7419

3 жыл бұрын

I’m feeling inspired lmao

@justin2308

3 жыл бұрын

Imagine if someone tried to make a movie of this book. The only way you could is if you put the book on a counter, cut its entire mass into uneven sections, pick a plot point you want, and then look through every section for anything that could work with that plot. Cut everything you find out with scissors, then paste it all in the order you feel works best to make the first draft of the script. You could have maybe 20 different movies from the same source material.

@joshuarieder2865

3 жыл бұрын

@@justin2308 It may work as a Netflix series following that same methodology. Considering how long it is, it could be a few seasons. And it would probably be better than the book by orders of magnitude, depending on whose hands it gets put into. An interesting way to put it is it could be a sci-fi fantasy with some sections of a slice of life of Teresa Sullivan. Maybe go into how she uses her powers, the consequences of such, her wrestling with the moral implications with herself, her religion, and everyone else, and get more creative with it than Norman. Maybe even use some of the critiques Krimson lays out in his series to improve it. The endings could either be a cautionary tale of absolute power corrupting absolutely or a tale of a hero trying to come to terms with her newfound power and making the world better off through a delicate balancing act. There's something interesting underneath all of the crap that Norman wrote, it's just that Norman is unable to deflate his ego enough to see it and improve upon it.

@nateharris9375

3 жыл бұрын

@@PEDROGARCIA-qj3gr When I first heard about this book I thought it was supposed to be similar to death note. A kid with a god complex and a very childish world view gets some sort of power. They then use that power to try and make the world a better place, but since they are a child with no experience or skills at anything relating to that they end up doing exact opposite of what they want. I thought Theresa was supposed to be the villain at first.

"How many of you are there?" "Hundreds." "That's a lot of people." This exchange is so uncanny and hilarious that it's like something a character in a Monty Python sketch would say.

@wolfieinu

4 жыл бұрын

@Lassi Kinnunen "And now for something completely different. Coke bottles"

@akaijuinomaha5324

4 жыл бұрын

I’m pretty sure this entire book is a Monty Python sketch

@CAMSLAYER13

4 жыл бұрын

I can hear it on Eric idles voice

@kgpspyguy

4 жыл бұрын

There actually are SOME concepts in this book that could be really interesting if they were implemented by a competent writer. I like the idea of a child being gifted with cosmic power, and then using that power to win at baseball of all things. That line about "Hal" giving her super strength as it was needed, rather then all at once could've also been interesting if done right. IE That bit where she tries to bend the horseshoes and can't do it until Hal "seems to get the idea." Is actually sort of compelling. I don't know, maybe I'm just desperate to find something positive in all this.

@CAMSLAYER13

4 жыл бұрын

@@kgpspyguy hey even a blind squirrels is right twice a day. You'd hope that after so many random plot points that go nowhere there'd be /something/ that has potential.

A 10 yo hallucinates that an Alien giving her a "white ball" and then create mass histeria by spreading it to everyone would be one hell of work of art lmao

@richardball5843

Жыл бұрын

I’m pretty sure this is what “The Monsters are due on Maple Street” was about.

@neadedios3106

7 ай бұрын

@@richardball5843you just unlocked a childhood memory

"I was cute as a button" as an opening line would work, if you make the story about that. I had the idea of a girl who won child beauty pageants multiple times, which serious distorts her self image and world view, as she grows up.

@juliebartlett4222

Жыл бұрын

What if she grew up, wasn't cute anymore, and was rejected by everyone now that she was of no more use to them?

@janjanbinks1710

8 ай бұрын

@@juliebartlett4222 That's a cool premise : Theresa as a child was this talented and gifted child and her family "adores" her since they exploited said talent. They never cared for her outside of how useful she is for them, and so after she grows up she gets intense burnout and falls into denial and shame since she's no longer her family's special girl and they no longer sing her praises or love her anymore due to her intense burnout that makes her useless to them. She struggles with her self worth and falls into deep depression, she sees no meaning to her life now that she's not the family's showpony, and she hallucinaes this extra terrestrial being inhibiting her body and giving her super powers that make her feel special again and make everyone interested in her again. She falls so deep into denial that she can't see her sad reality anymore.

@stratoshine

8 ай бұрын

@@janjanbinks1710 why do publishing companies pick up people like the author of this book and not people like you :sob:

@handhelder823

3 ай бұрын

​@@janjanbinks1710relatable lol

It seems like Jesus never did die for our sins, he just started reviewing books a lot. I respect that.

@jshaw1503

4 жыл бұрын

Actually resides at a channel called forgotten weapons/ inrangetv. Look for your self

@darthplagueis13

4 жыл бұрын

@@jshaw1503 Well... You are assuming that there would be only one Jesus. Plus, if there was one Jesus on earth who just happened to make YT content, do you think he would be more likely to comment on books or talk about firearms, considering that his teachings are very explicitly pacifist...

@jshaw1503

4 жыл бұрын

Darthplagueis13 I bet you’re fun at parties

@bluemariomedia8351

4 жыл бұрын

he still sacrifice himself for you... By reading the book for you so you don't have to.

@pineapple7024

4 жыл бұрын

To be fair, he did bear the cross of reading this book so we wouldn’t have to

Empress Theresa changed my life during the covid pandemic. Someone had bought up all of the toilet paper, and this book got me through it.

@ganii1804

2 жыл бұрын

the book can probably give you more symptoms than the virus itself

@weirddo3633

2 жыл бұрын

@@ganii1804 Well to be fair, a symptom of the virus is a lost of taste

@MrsNotorials

2 жыл бұрын

@@luisac919 no u

@SenOutOfContext

2 жыл бұрын

@@MrsNotorials lol

@bear1050

2 жыл бұрын

@@luisac919 C U Next Tuesday

I really liked how you pointed out that this is a case of men writing women poorly because it's exactly what I thought when the whole reason she gets to skip a grade is because her hair becomes beautiful so she's sent to be with 'girls who are the same level of emotional maturity as she is' that's such a creepy way to think, like now that she's old enough to be physically attractive to me it must mean she's so much more mature than the other girls her age. She's the embodiment of his male fantasy and it's disturbing that he chose to start with that when the character was a child.

@HerneLiedel

Жыл бұрын

that's not just creepy that's just plain disgusting

@KopperNeoman

Жыл бұрын

I note that you phrased that as if it would be okay were it a female fantasy. 🤔

@quietbirdelenor

Жыл бұрын

@@KopperNeoman How so? you've misunderstood, his comment in the video was about men writing women poorly so that is what my comment addresses. Just because I don't add the fact that the same situation reversed would also be creepy doesn't mean I find it ok. Don't twist my comment into something it never was.

@youdonegoofed

6 ай бұрын

@@KopperNeoman Weirdo.

@Omega-lj9tq

4 ай бұрын

@@KopperNeomanincel

The more I think about the "Kidnapping" moment the more I laugh. She already has enhanced strength and unerring accuracy from hal, and hal has PROVEN that if he thinks she needs some form of enhancement he'll provide it. Not only should she be freaking out, not snarking, Hal should be freaking out as well and giving her death lasers and toxic pheromones and titanium skin and shit. There should be no "Kidnapping", there should be an incident in the morning news about a crater in the street.

@credencenoel4845

Жыл бұрын

This actually sounds amazing Just the concept of someone getting the ability to "evolve" any superpower based on situation, and this ability permanently screwing them over hard, it would be so cool

@emeraldhummingbird7547

Жыл бұрын

@@credencenoel4845 kind of sounds a little bit like SCP-682

@xenon8927

Жыл бұрын

There’s a spider-man villain called The Answer whose power works like that. Basically he has whatever powers are useful for the current situation, but they only last until the situation that prompted them is over

@KM-hv1jg

Жыл бұрын

I’m listening to a book series with this same problem. The main character, a fourteen year old girl, can fend off full grown, trained warriors. However, when the plot requires her to get kidnapped, she suddenly forgets how to fight.

@deen7530

Жыл бұрын

@@emeraldhummingbird7547 No, 682's power has no drawbacks. A better example is SCP 1440.

"This review isn't going to be too long; I won't go into too much detail" >Review is almost two hours long >Review is listed as "part 1"

@Dragonatrix

4 жыл бұрын

> Review only coves *4 chapters* (of 28!)

@Ludwig_Perpenhente

4 жыл бұрын

@Grim reaper we might be sitting home for eons Pardon the pun

@Shadeius

4 жыл бұрын

@Grim reaper About 5 times longer than reading the books would be since it would be deconstruction of every sentence.

@savanchandul7451

4 жыл бұрын

If he pointed out all of the flaws he'll be done before he's 70

@patriciasampson9317

4 жыл бұрын

Only the bad sections... This may take some time.

Wait. "Theresa's a good girl. Theresa doesn't talk to reporters." .... but she was on TV. Which, I imagine, involves talking about reporters.

@LucasDeziderio

4 жыл бұрын

You don't understand. She never talked to them. She just stood there. Menacingly.

@onyxrose4349

4 жыл бұрын

@@LucasDeziderio SHE'S JUST STANDING THERE. MENACINGLY!!!

@alexanderinoa7850

4 жыл бұрын

Lucas Dezidério Yare yare, you’re really trying to interview me?

@ZorotheGallade

4 жыл бұрын

@@onyxrose4349 WEE WOO WEE WOO

@rooksclown316

4 жыл бұрын

@@ZorotheGallade Theresa is in the mailbox!

My headcannon is that Norman wanted to have Theresa be the second coming of Jesus but just didn’t have the balls to do it. Or that she’s the anti-Christ, either one works

god, the reveal of ' that was the end... of CHAPTER ONE' a full 50 minutes into the video was so fucking good

Onision: "I am the author of the worst book in the history of literature" Norman: *Hold my garbage bag of 11 coke bottles*

@mintchoco625

4 жыл бұрын

And the coke ain't from a company, if you get my drift

@LegoManiac_101

4 жыл бұрын

Jean Maté Adolf Hitler: “Halte Mein Bier”

@MegaFat1

4 жыл бұрын

Onision is still probably the worst.

@OneEyeShadow

4 жыл бұрын

@@mintchoco625 "Is Pepsi okay?" "No. How am I supposed to snort that?"

@cartoonosaurus

4 жыл бұрын

The worst part about the Coke bottles is that she doesn't even drink them, she just dumps the soda on the floor. What a waste.

hi krim. for those who don't know, the person who "challenged" norman........was me. i didn't expect krim to review this book. i merely brought him up because krim was the only book reviewer i trust and respect and norman hasn't any one do a proper review of the book on a larger platform. and if his book was truly good, krim would find some positives to say about it. needless to say, that simple challenge grew far beyond my own expectations. so now, i'm gonna sit back and enjoy watching norm's "masterpiece" get gutted in front of hundreds of thousands of people. and to you, krim, i salute you for doing what even i and many many others around the world couldn't do: actually finish reading this...................Apocolypse of literature.

@mannequia8294

4 жыл бұрын

u a brave boi

@skyblade7438

4 жыл бұрын

You have my eternal respect.

@Tytoalba777

4 жыл бұрын

I have a feeling that this video is going to be seen by more than hundreds of thousands of people. I predict that this is going to cross into the millions.

@EG-mh8rc

4 жыл бұрын

Verily, though hast done God's work.

@maxacorn

4 жыл бұрын

naw. i just challenged his world view and he picked the wrong kind of fight. on the flip side, he did start spamming my book's amazon page with negative comments and insulting the people who reviewed my novel. one of them being my sister.

17:55 this reminds me of a review of Empress Theresa: “Empress Theresa is not a good book, neither is it a terrible book. It is one of those things that convinced me of the infinite mercy of god, anything less than infinite mercy would have incinerated this book before it was unleashed on an unsuspecting public”

@zoeb3573

8 ай бұрын

But if God's mercy was so infinite, surely he would have saved us from this

KR: "I'm not gonna go into detail..." Morgan Freeman: "He did, in fact, go into detail."

"Theresa also has a tendency to take problems and solve them by making things much, much worse. Her solutions are some of the most creative and most idiotically dangerous things I have ever read." I don't think I've ever identified with the main character of a book more to be honest.

@jadendafinger

4 жыл бұрын

TechnicalTortuga this statement confuses me? could you elaborate. sorry for phrasing it weirdly

@cyberus1403

4 жыл бұрын

dont try to relate to a terrible character of a terrible book

@jadendafinger

4 жыл бұрын

@Morphing Taxi Oh. thanks! I just misinterpreted "Theresa knows what she's doing in the end :(" as Theresa knowing what she was doing like if you were to ask your friend "are you sure about this" and (s)he replies "I know what I'm doing!" I hope what i just said makes some sense

@johngoodman4829

4 жыл бұрын

Honestly he summed up every playthrough of Hitman I've ever done

"He aimed for Wonder Woman, and we got Lucy the Crackhead who lives under the stairs." this is gonna be my senior quote thank you

@sabribeser2268

2 жыл бұрын

She makes me want to start a Ressistance againts her world empire and liberate the United States of America from the tyrannical Mary Sue

@Silverheartpro

2 жыл бұрын

Username checks out

@voilvelev6775

2 жыл бұрын

I would 100% read a book called "Lucy the Crackhead, who lives under the stairs"

This is kinda minor... yet also important sorta. Theresa is from Massachusetts, and based on his mannerisms with this book near where Norman lives. If she's from any part of Massachusetts, she's not "a good girl" like she claims. As someone from Massachusetts, we're all awful people. We're all assholes of the highest caliber, and people who say they aren't are liars

@The_AGL_Group

2 жыл бұрын

The term “Masshole” doesn’t exist without a reason-

@bertross366

Жыл бұрын

Everyone’s a prick here, especially myself!

@skeletonking2501

Жыл бұрын

How the fuck haven’t you guys gone into anarchy yet?

@vampiricn1ght

Жыл бұрын

@@skeletonking2501 Because they all need to stick together against the rest of the world judging them for being assholes

@zacksefchick9535

Жыл бұрын

@@skeletonking2501 we won't collapse until we take Maine back

Krim: I'm not going to go in to too much detail Also Krim: *Makes FIVE videos about this book*

@undeadladybug7723

2 жыл бұрын

He could probably make ten videos about it and still barely cover everything.

I just looked up Empress Theresa on Goodreads while watching this and almost fell off of my couch because Onisions books are listed in the ''Readers also enjoyed'' section next to it xD

@Jrez

4 жыл бұрын

That's perfect. I never thought of finding more "so bad it's good" garbage that way!

@bificommander

4 жыл бұрын

"Readers also enjoyed" Does pointing and laughing count as enjoying? I guess it does.

@1redrider100

4 жыл бұрын

Pretty sure it’s mostly hate-readers more than anything else. Lol. Doesn’t speak well of either.

@nessyness5447

4 жыл бұрын

more like "readers also suffered with"

@setlerking

4 жыл бұрын

I mean if you’d genuinely enjoy this book you would probably enjoy those too

"That is the end... of the first chapter." idk about y'all but my jaw literally dropped

@Solaris_102

4 жыл бұрын

Wait I haven’t finished watching this so you mean to tell me that the first chapter is this entire video?

@thepovdweller

4 жыл бұрын

@@Solaris_102 yup and there's 6 parts so far of 1hr+

@RogueT-Rex8468

4 жыл бұрын

Byeonara, sounds like someone who can’t quite word properly and tried to synopsis the entire first book of a long series... and then left hooks you with the biggest horrific plot twist in history.

@cyberus1403

4 жыл бұрын

Lesoveron more like a good half of the video took up chapter one.

@jackdaalfbrainork6392

4 жыл бұрын

Byeonara it just gets worse from hare mate...

norman describing theresa's wedding clothing it's dangerously similar to "my immortal", that infamous beyond stupid fanfic

@rallandtariv2139

Жыл бұрын

Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Ravenway definitely would’ve rocked a much better dress tho

@thequeenofcringe1585

Жыл бұрын

@@rallandtariv2139 we all know that Ebony’s wedding dress would have STYLE.

@theunderstatement6842

Жыл бұрын

wdym enoby is wae morr stailishh dan dat prep treesa!!!

@moon1749

Жыл бұрын

@@theunderstatement6842 omg, the translate button fixes your comment because it thinks it's broken🤣😅 What sense does that make, it was already great.

@theunderstatement6842

Жыл бұрын

@@moon1749 does it actually do any translating? or is the button just there

“The review’s not going to go that long” he said. “I’m not going to go into that much detail” he said.

@DestinyKiller

Жыл бұрын

But we're glad he did

I actually measured my leg to find out how short a skirt "six inches above the knee" would be and, I don't know, I might have short thighs, but that's a belt.

@MrsTold

3 жыл бұрын

About one dick above the knee lsbrjdnsbehrjrkkf

@ItsMeVolatility

3 жыл бұрын

6 inches above my knee just goes halfway up my thigh. Still pretty short, but not quite belt status. Maybe that’s because I’m on the taller side though?

@GOFFBITZH666

3 жыл бұрын

Ah yes, Theresa has them Slenderman legs going, Norman’s “type” LMAO

@FallenAngel7538

3 жыл бұрын

It covers my butt, barely. I have a dress that's almost the same length, kind of, but I'm not a good catholic girl lol

@randallmokjialung3592

3 жыл бұрын

@@MrsTold bruh that was how i measured it lmao

"I hire artists because they do it better. I don't pay them in exposure, I pay them in money." Best practices. :3

@vapid6311

3 жыл бұрын

Nah, pay people in exposure, they can buy food with that after all

@Mamorufumio

3 жыл бұрын

​@@vapid6311 well to be fair that works in southern asia countrys

@generalgrievous2202

3 жыл бұрын

@@Mamorufumio wait what? It does?

@thequeenofcringe1585

3 жыл бұрын

The only valid practice when working with artists.

@thepigeonmanlyon7155

3 жыл бұрын

More like standard practice if you're a rational human being

1:19:57 as someone who recently got married, I cannot imagine a single woman out there who would describe what was supposedly the most exciting moment of her life this way. No woman who is marrying the love of her life who she is genuinely happy with would barely touch on what actually happened and only bother to describe the dress, much less care about “charming the crowd” with her cleavage. I barely remember what my own dress looked like because I was so excited to be marrying someone I had been head-over-heels in love with for the past five years. The only reason I can think of why she would be more focused on her dress and the crowd’s reaction to it than she would be on her husband is if she’s not marrying for love, but is actually getting married because she wants to draw more attention to herself. She isn’t getting married because she loves Steve, she’s getting married because it’s a chance for her to show off. Instead of “Love and marriage is a very serious commitment, which has its ups and downs and can sometimes be difficult” which would be a very good message for young women, we get “Look everyone! I got married as soon as I turned 18 and never had any problems in my relationship! I’m just so much better than you guys because I found my true love right away with zero effort on my part!” Which is not how relationships are supposed to work, especially not a healthy one.

@rnbrineg

Жыл бұрын

Every thought that Theresa has echoes the author's narcissism. Like, every line. Every action. Every damned thing she does. The entire book is just Norman convincing himself he is perfect through a proxy. I'm pretty sure that's the entire reason this book exists. Edit: to add to this, there are some authors who do this, but at least they can somewhat disguise thier narcissism with an interesting plot, or amazing dialogue, or beautiful prose. Norman cannot do that. He's just telling you who he is through Theresa, with just enough imagination to make some kind of plot.

@Zelda00Gamer

3 ай бұрын

Honestly I wonder if it’s because Norman is in love with his own OC. He married her off so she can be a good little trad wife, but honestly he wants to marry this fictional girl (she’s not a woman remember. She’s a “good girl” bleh). So in order to disassociate from the fact that she’s married to another (albeit fictional) man he describes how hot she is instead of their romance AT ALL

Most of the baffling "facts" Norman doles out sound like what we used to call "old wives' tales". My grandmother (born in the 20's) used to be downright amazing for what complete nonsense she could dredge up for any occasion. For example, she used to tell me that I couldn't have any cookies because "chocolate causes acne", or that green eyes meant you had psychic powers. She was also convinced that her Orthodox Jewish bosses didn't eat the ham she brought to potluck because they were trying to insult her cooking. ...Actually, come to think of it, Norman reminds me of her a LOT.

@stevemadden3642

Жыл бұрын

Green eyes thing sound like old sidhe touched stuff, honestly.

@user-ft9ul5ul5v

Жыл бұрын

... in our country it is widely believed sugar and cocoa causes acne.... and what really causes it??? i'm curious!

@chelsey8737

Жыл бұрын

​@@user-ft9ul5ul5v bacteria and dirt/oil. Cystic acne is a type of acne caused by constant bacteria clogging pores causing widespread painful inflammation and swelling. General acne is just clogged pores that cause bumps full of pus and whatever clogged the pores in the first place.

@ladytalksalot4097

Жыл бұрын

Yo can I use the green eyes = psychic bit? Sounds like an interesting premise

@Wired_User

Жыл бұрын

@@user-ft9ul5ul5v sugar DOES feed viruses. Sugar and high-carb foods are processed in such a way that the energy goes directly to the viruses and only some of it goes to you. That’s why if you have the flu it’s recommended to not eat high-carb foods or sweets if you can help it. The illness will stick around longer. Of course if the only thing you can keep down is crackers and toast, eat them anyway. So if viruses are plugging up your pores, hypothetically cookies could feed the acne causing goop….don’t quote me on this. I don’t know if there’s enough viruses living on our skin to cause acne.

Theresa: "My body made a hard belly flop. I was knocked out." Me: "That's an interesting way to spell dead"

@nocount7517

4 жыл бұрын

Ocean used *[Surface Tension]*! It's super effective!

@caveman5128

4 жыл бұрын

Chris Yoder Yeah Ha Ha Ha how did she die? *hides knife behind back*

@Oinkoinkmurderorsmth

4 жыл бұрын

No, but Onisions terms she 'rapidly ceased to exist." Or you know, dead with extra steps.

This man has essentially gone through this trainwreck of a book 4 times... Once to read it, once to film it, once to edit it, and at least once to explain to his therapist

@blueshell292

3 жыл бұрын

I really thought up until the 3rd point that you meant the author, and my asscheeks clenched HARD at the thought of this becoming a movie. Jesus Christmas

@vadifadoms

3 жыл бұрын

@@blueshell292 I'd watch the hell out of the movie if it existed.

@imperielgenecist1317

3 жыл бұрын

@@vadifadoms Just for the trainwreck it would be.

When you said that there's a term many people would use to describe Theresa but you'd try your best not to say it during this review, it took me embarrassingly long to realise you did not mean c*nt, and in fact we were supposed to think of the term Mary Sue XD

@shrillbert

2 жыл бұрын

Mary Sue? I though the term was Shit myself.

@Wote89

2 жыл бұрын

I... um... may have watched this review a dozen or more times and until your comment it never clicked that he wasn't implying the first one.

@thequeenofcringe1585

Жыл бұрын

Both are applicable

@crestothegecko6279

Жыл бұрын

i've always thought the word was cringe tbh

@kakashi0909

Жыл бұрын

I was expecting invalid or retarded or down syndromes

RIP Krimson's Pink Highlighter. You gave your life for a noble cause, and you will be missed.

Okay I couldn't help but think: Naruto is a kid with a fox spirit in his belly. And Theresa is a kid with a fox spirit in her belly. Original character do not steal

@ahennessy7998

4 жыл бұрын

It's like a retarded onion, the deeper you go the dumber it gets

@multilad816

4 жыл бұрын

Too bad the fox in Empress Theresa didn't destroy the whole world and kill everyone

@arlisbloxer05

4 жыл бұрын

@@ahennessy7998 i think we call those "greg"

@jadendafinger

4 жыл бұрын

Theresa had fox sperm not a fox spirit

@danikahenry7677

4 жыл бұрын

@Oz Walker Why because they both caused painful things to read/watch?😑

The cover always strikes me as a woman in a commercial pilots uniform standing on an airfield.

@ZiessRides

4 жыл бұрын

I thought the same thing lol

@knshinn2

4 жыл бұрын

@Crow Theresa And The Magic Railroad

@nickirkland1347

4 жыл бұрын

I'm 2 mins in... it wasn't?? Edit: I reached the cover analysis... I thought those men on the ground are planes or something lol

@suspicioususer

4 жыл бұрын

After closer inspection its suppose to be an Army Uniform. aaaand she's a 5 star General because of course she is

@anxiousscribe

4 жыл бұрын

@@suspicioususer I'M A FIVE-STAR MAN

1:21:57 "But I didn't cry. I wasn't a phony movie actress using hysterics to milk all the drama she could out of every moment. I was a real person and I didn't give a damn what these kidnappers thought." Is the guy that wrote this a sociopath? Doesn't he understand that crying can sometimes be involuntary? Are there people out there that truly don't understand that most people cry without necessarily wanting or meaning to? I am really confused by this quote, though I think I am beginning to understand why some people get frustrated with 'hysterics' (crying) a little more now. They can't relate.

@eldritchabomination9726

Жыл бұрын

Yea that always came off weird to me. If he still didn't want her to cry, couldn't* she just go numb and dissociate?

I can honestly say that I genuinely relate to the inner workings of _literal_ sea cucumbers more than any of the characters in this book, and as a consequence any sort of insight or perspective Norman has to offer through it. It reads like some horrible kink fiction sequestered in the foulest online cul-de-sac of the foulest obscure forum, -but I'm at a loss to envision what sort of person is being catered for here.- *EDIT:* _"I was gorgeous as a recently turned eighteen year old."_ Never mind, I'm now up to speed...

@eldritchabomination9726

Жыл бұрын

Yea, it's just norman's insane fantasy girl

The "jumping out of a plane with a nuclear bomb in it and surviving because I brought a bag of Coke bottles with me" thing sounds more like the backstory for a Metal Gear boss, to be honest...

@SorowFame

4 жыл бұрын

Even Metal Gear wouldn't do that The bottles would probably be full of nanomachines.

@kabutoyakushi9739

4 жыл бұрын

Nanomachines, son

@huhthatsinteresting1644

3 жыл бұрын

69th like

@beavatatlan

3 жыл бұрын

@@huhthatsinteresting1644 Username checks out.

@vapid6311

3 жыл бұрын

yeah, but metal gear would make the character likable and have a massive amount of self awareness at how stupid it was

So I looked it up, the author has a website saying that this book should be taught in middle and high school and I wholeheartedly agree: "How to not write 101"

@shipper-of-heart8898

3 жыл бұрын

Norman: My book is NOT a YA novel Also Norman: 'show this to a seven year old girl, she'll love Empress Theresa' 'Teachers, here's a study guide in case you want to use this in your classrooms' 'grade level- 3rd grade+'

@unexpected2475

3 жыл бұрын

What's utterly hilarious about that is one review for the book (shown on the Down the Rabbit Hole vid) was a teacher who said they were disappointed in it and were looking for some class reading.

@Rainbowthewindsage

2 жыл бұрын

Honestly I would use excerpts from the book in order to teach how to identify mistakes and criticize them in writing.

@pavladavlas

2 жыл бұрын

Destructive Writing 101

@gracekim25

2 жыл бұрын

Yep

i need theresa and daniel from reapers creek to battle it out in the ultimate mary sue christian vs atheist showdown

This book actually brings me so much comfort. No matter how my books may turn out, at least I know they’ll never be worse than Empress Theresa.

@loturzelrestaurant

2 жыл бұрын

HELP! I want to learn more about known Writing-Rules like Show, dont Tell and Chekovs Gun. I know many, but i dont think i know all. Can someone make a quick List about those Terms/PHrases he knows, so i can counter-check which of them i know? And an odder request: Anyone knows some 'Motiviational Posters' that remind one of them? I want to hang-up Pictures onto my Walls that remember me of Chekovs Gun and such, ya see.

Fun fact: This set of video reviews is 7 and-a-half hours long.

@dbergerac9632

3 жыл бұрын

I can't wait for the animated film of the review. I'll pass on the book.

@raa98raa

3 жыл бұрын

Worth it

@Emma-Queenofhell

3 жыл бұрын

No it's 7 hours 16 minutes and 35 seconds so there for it's just over 7 hours I don't have any better to do

@viracocha6093

3 жыл бұрын

Mauler: that’s cute

@zeroducks1037

3 жыл бұрын

This. is the real info I needed. Bless you my friend

'This isn't a young adult book.' Darling, this isn't even a children's book.

@annabanana7659

3 жыл бұрын

Dr Seuss and Roald Dahl would never!

@dat_nerd_boi8057

3 жыл бұрын

this is barely even a book... a **dictionary** has a more interesting plot and story...

@demonofsadism7915

3 жыл бұрын

Dat_Nerd_Boi Empress Theresa has a more interesting plot than a dictionary. Not at all for the reasons the author or want, and DEFINITELY not because the book is... “good” (yes that hurt to write) It’s only interesting because your just wondering “What is this dumb child gonna do next, and how is it gonna blow up and would definitely destroy the earth?” But the dictionary does have a better plot for sure.

@annakozuki8950

3 жыл бұрын

It's a zygote's book

@annakozuki8950

3 жыл бұрын

@Fen Vulpeus it's a sperm cell's book

I cant believe how much this sounds like stories I wrote as a TWELVE YEAR OLD! Stories I wrote as I went along, with no planning, and with the very first ideas that came to me for plot points... WHY IS A FORTY YEAR OLD MAN'S WRITING LIKE THIS??

@juliebartlett4222

Жыл бұрын

Because like most narcissists, he stopped maturing at twelve.

I wish there was an adult animated series of Empress Theresa that goes by every single ludicrous and nonsensical event in the book. But only Theresa is very much self aware of how stupid the world works and is constantly driven crazy by all the love bombing and all the super powers given to her by Hal for no reason until Theresa becomes a numb and exhausted woman by the end of it all.

@42ndadventurer41

9 ай бұрын

absolutely fantastic idea, would definitely watch

Books like this only exist to prove that literally anyone can publish one.

@ShinFahima

4 жыл бұрын

It gets my hopes up! :D

@manboy4720

4 жыл бұрын

use this book as a point of reference. if it's better then empress theresa, then i'd say it's a pretty good book.

@patrickfrost9405

4 жыл бұрын

@@ShinFahima It simutaneously invigorates and fills me with dread, because it's one slip down into the same teir of these kinds of books.

@damiendarko9411

4 жыл бұрын

But I'm not sure if I can write a book as bad as Empress Theresa... No one wants to read my kind-of sort-of ok book!

@lotusthemermaid

4 жыл бұрын

@@damiendarko9411 Trust me, someone somewhere wants to read your book.

"I was cute as heck at the age of ten" feels to me like it's the wrong kind of cute in this context.

@jackhazardous4008

4 жыл бұрын

Cute to a lonely old man

@bigdaddydons6241

3 жыл бұрын

@Schiggy 2319 Shane dawson?

@QJ89

3 жыл бұрын

Especially when a middle aged man is writing it. 😐

@BigPuddin

3 жыл бұрын

"I was heckin' cute, goshdarn it, pardon my French, suck my cock, shave my balls, touch my teats, smash my gash, tickle my pickle, pole my hole."

@vollzeitfaultier

3 жыл бұрын

@@BigPuddin i am sorry, but i have to steal that.

Jan Struthers: "Something came to earth 7 years ago." Theresa: "Something came to earth 12 years ago?" Jan: "Yes. Something came to earth 24 years ago"

I’ve finally got around to watching this and I need to say this for those of you going through the comments; the section at 56:44 is actually 100% a real commercial, because I’ve seen it before. This man just play-by-play described a real Amazon commercial in his book and called it “writing”.

@TheSteve285

Жыл бұрын

For those who don't believe: kzread.info/dash/bejne/Y61mxbudice5qJs.html

@sillyd0g

5 ай бұрын

i love that he never mentions in the text what its a commercial for because while i could very easily glean that it was an amazon commercial it does kind of make it sound like its literally just a commercial for dog doors

@colorstrike6242

4 ай бұрын

I was wondering why that section sounded so familiar! I just couldn’t remember what it was a commercial for.

“Who is selling dog doors for miniature horses?” Is a far more thought provoking and interesting topic than the entirety of this book

@pokekitty1

4 жыл бұрын

the advert in question was an amazon one the whole point was that the door was ordered on their website.

@t.thomas8919

4 жыл бұрын

What's the pricing? I must know.

@frozensoul3734

4 жыл бұрын

@@pokekitty1 I loved that advert, the music and everything was so good but it was so surreal at the same time. His reaction to thinking this wasn't an actual advert is priceless

@StarlightStephanie

4 жыл бұрын

Here's the commercial if you haven't seen it. kzread.info/dash/bejne/Y61mxbudice5qJs.html

@MissBaphomet

4 жыл бұрын

pokekitty1 I’m aware, I remember seeing it several times during it’s run. I was quoting Krim

CrimsonRogue: "The review is not going to go on that long, I'm not going to go into too much detail." Me: Looks at the timestamp: 18:35 Looks at total time: 1:42:22 Looks in recommended: *PART 5* HMMMM

@KrimsonRogue

4 жыл бұрын

Lol, oops. XD

@nessyness5447

4 жыл бұрын

there is part 5 now XD

@GameTavern2224

4 жыл бұрын

@@KrimsonRogue aren't those the guys who spent fifty million on coffee filters?

@lumps17

4 жыл бұрын

@@nessyness5447 Oh god. I'm going to watch it rn. XD

@cyn7261

3 жыл бұрын

He was on the first page when you made this comment. The first fucking page.

This book is just Norman writing his own psychosis. Like, its really sad actually. He's losing his mind and this book is a deep dive into it. Turning severely to a misunderstood version of religion, severe paranoia (assassins, thinking you know how to tell if your phone line is tapped, etc), obsession with youth and purity and shit like that.

@TheAmazingCowpig

Жыл бұрын

Right? Not to defend the book or author, but I'm not even really sure I can laugh at the book that much. It seems like it's all writing from someone who isn't in the right state of mind. And honestly, I've read worse fanfiction. I guess the only thing that makes Empress Theresa worse is that it's a physically published book. ... still enjoyed the heck out of this review series though.

@thequeenofcringe1585

Жыл бұрын

If you look at norman’s (and by extension Theresa’s) behavior as symptoms of schizophrenia, it starts making more and more sense. The delusions of grandeur and persecution are solidly nailed down.

@Dunmerdog

Жыл бұрын

Agreed. I’ve seen people commenting to say that the manner of thinking youve mentioned was completely accessible to them because they’re diagnosed schizophrenics. Seems to suggest something about Norman

@rnbrineg

Жыл бұрын

Don't forget the vague pedophilia and narcissism... yeah Norman ain't right.

I love the fact that there's an entire fandom wikipedia article about Norman's ego. It's legit the funniest thing I've read in a while.

*Biggest* plot hole in this section of this book is: Why would Theresa need thermal underwear if she *GENERATES HEAT* ?

@CT-se8vn

4 жыл бұрын

The answer is yes

@nobody2021

4 жыл бұрын

Maybe she's a cold blooded lizard person and her heart is in her ass, so it's like a heat lamp

@ergogrrl

4 жыл бұрын

WHY DID I NOT CATCH THIS BEFORE I AM SO ANGRY (Not really. Good catch, though.)

@Paranuui

4 жыл бұрын

@@nobody2021 Hey, dont go trying to add an interesting twist to the book

@sugars2070

4 жыл бұрын

I'm not even halfway through and this is confusing

"Bonus points I don't pay them in exposure I pay them in money" King go OFF!

@jadendafinger

4 жыл бұрын

Nat DiCicco you referring to the company that made candy crush?

@GregoryMom

4 жыл бұрын

ah yes screaming communist grape

@jadendafinger

4 жыл бұрын

GregoryMom It is I also this is actually the sprite for when marx (soul) shoots his laser

The white ball thing would actually have potential in the hands of a better author, imagine a child stumbling uphon an alien bioengineered weapon. With the main character slowly changing more and more into a creature adapted for survival nearly anywhere. However the story would involve the fear of the main character as they hide from the government and Thier family and friends, they have the power of being an immensely powerful creature able of surviving anywhere, but are emotionally broken. They could even add in a love story where despite the thing the protagonist has become Thier love interest can still see past the alien exterior. Also you could add in some action scenes, I'd imagine an alien bioweapon suit thingy would probably have defensive weaponry for hostile planets.

@fabiangamboa1714

9 ай бұрын

There's an anime like that actually, called Saikano. It takes kind of a tragic route to this. Good, but dark, melodramatic and gutpunchy.

@hellothere9520

9 ай бұрын

@@fabiangamboa1714 Never watched that one, but my mind immediately jumped to Ajin, which is another good read/watch.

@fabiangamboa1714

9 ай бұрын

@@hellothere9520 thanks for the Recc!

@KhorneProphet

8 ай бұрын

Reminds me of Guyver

@Anonymous_Individual

2 ай бұрын

You seen Chronicle? It’s got kind of a similar vibe.

9:49 "I can barely do stick figures and even then, they all look like they have debilitating scoliosis." That line had me dying laughing. The delivery was perfect.

"This review won't be that long." -Part 1 out of 5, each part over an hour long,

@KrimsonRogue

3 жыл бұрын

Oops. XD

@slevinchannel7589

3 жыл бұрын

@@KrimsonRogue Embarassingly, the Author thinks all Critics are Trolls... what a delusion...

@slevinchannel7589

3 жыл бұрын

@@KrimsonRogue Embarassingly, the Author thinks all Critics are Trolls... what a delusion...

@loturzelrestaurant

2 жыл бұрын

@@KrimsonRogue I cant read your T-Shirt!!! HELP! HELP, KRIMSON! Come ot my Aid! I summon You!

@W0terB0tle

2 жыл бұрын

@@KrimsonRogue I am surprised that you got a book that took you over 2 months to finish you reviewed it in just a couple of hours.

"Who is selling dog doors for miniature horses?!" LMAO Bro, that was a legit Amazon commercial. He literally stole that idea from an Amazon commercial. That is the exact thing the commercial shows.

@porguinturtle3854

4 жыл бұрын

@@bookishmermaid9927 Who doesn't do that?

@mediaguyking7045

4 жыл бұрын

Bookish Mermaid in the commercial she just bought dog door for dogs, that conveniently works for miniature horses

@Kralledd

4 жыл бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/Y61mxbudice5qJs.html

@lilaniloxi

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, and it seems that commercial came out a little before this book. so did he write it backwards?

@TheAirBear2000

4 жыл бұрын

@@mediaguyking7045 It makes me think of that baby carrier commercial from Gravity Falls. "IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!"

It just hit me she doesn't need a water tight seal on the coke bottles cuz they're already watertight by design. If the cap couldn't keep liquid out, it wouldn't work as a resealable bottle. This does not make her plan more viable in the slightest Edit: the bottles would absolutely still break when they hit the water due to *hitting it at terminal velocity* but like if she hadn't wasted the time ripping up the bag, she could have jumped out earlier and had a slightly shorter fall, and hell, maybe she could have tried using the bag as a parachute (again, wouldn't work at this height, but it still seems like a more logical choice than what she did)

@Your_Uncle_Alex

Жыл бұрын

A piece of bag in there would probably compromise the design

The thing with Theresa dialing 0 always stuck out at me and I think I figured out why. It's effectively a microcosm of most of the ways Norman's writing is awful, distilled into one single event. Even though I'm uncertain of when the story is supposed to take place, we know that it's at least somewhere after the early 2000's because Norman went out of his way to add in bits talking about internet trolls later. This presents a huge problem with the event since dialing 0 for the operator likely had been phased out of normal everyday phones since the 60's. Even if it were still available, a young girl like Theresa would not have that as her first idea (she likely shouldn't even know what dialing 0 even meant). If we give her that, it still doesn't make sense because her reasoning, as far as I know, isn't explained. I'm pretty sure the dial 0 thing is something he saw in an old spy movie from the 50's but Norman is too lazy and/or ignorant of the real world to realize that technology has moved on.

@alisaurus4224

10 ай бұрын

AT&T only discontinued dialing zero for Operator/Directory Assistance this year, 2023. It was definitely a thing for landlines in the 1990s and i still did it a fair amount on my first (non-smart) phone in the early 2000s. I don’t do it now that i can google or use other tools for info, but it’s far more recent than the 1960s. I do doubt anyone born after 1990 has much use for the option or even knowledge of it beyond references in movies.

"He aimed for wonder woman, and we got Lucy the crackhead who lives under the stairs" LOL

@SallinKari

3 жыл бұрын

"You're a wizard Lucy... but we're going to leave you under the stairs."

@joethehero2

3 жыл бұрын

A.K.A.: Bonkers Betty from ASBR. Outta my way, sperm bank!

@QJ89

3 жыл бұрын

"Do you have any humility?" "I do not know what that means!"

With all the horrible, awkward descriptions of Theresa's teenage body, I can't help but feel that Norman has mastered the art of typing with one hand...

@geministrial950

2 жыл бұрын

BAHAHAHAH

@segenshin1894

2 жыл бұрын

What's wrong with typing with one- oh...

@left-2-write28

2 жыл бұрын

Right? Like for a book that he goes out of his way to say has nothing that isnt family friendly, he focuses a suspicious amount of time describing her body. Gross, Norman.

@Dave-te5bs

Жыл бұрын

I think he did

@robloxaingoji7246

Жыл бұрын

The funniest thing is this is probably true.

I really appreciate someone who’s willing to include a joke like “it’s gaining powers by lamarckian evolution,” not waste time explaining what it is, and just trust that the target audience will be there and get it. I personally always like a reference to random science history

@RipOffProductionsLLC

Жыл бұрын

Lamarckian evolution was the idea of "the giraffe needed a longer neck, so it got one" right?

@kylejones8289

Жыл бұрын

@@RipOffProductionsLLC Yep, that's the most commonly cited example of it. Basically, Lamarckian Evolution is the idea that traits that an organism got during its life would be passed to its offspring. It's completely wrong, but it's always fun for a laugh.

Me thinking about how this book apparently took Norman *20 YEARS* to write: **Hides my emotional support book that I've been trying to write for the past 6 years behind my back**

@letsreadtextbook1687

2 жыл бұрын

"Emotional support book" is what I will call my story that I've taken far too long to build up inside my head, from now on

When an author refers to his critics as "trolls" you know you're in for a ride.

@angelinageorge9526

4 жыл бұрын

Mantas Salavejus it’s like Amy’s baking company. Everyone is out to get them.

@shosty575

4 жыл бұрын

@@angelinageorge9526 Another Gordon Ramsay fan. Yay!

@Sancyria

4 жыл бұрын

@@angelinageorge9526 "we were hacked!"

@luxnoctis4730

4 жыл бұрын

**Chris Chan has entered the chat**

@The_child-catcher

4 жыл бұрын

He would fit right in at marvel comics.

The fact that Norman/Teresa said that animals can't be kind shows how arrogant and how limited Norman's life experience is. 1. When I'm stressed or nervous, my dog is pretty quick to notice and bring me comfort. 2. I've heard many tales of animals (both wild and domestic) saving people's lives just because they could. 3. Mammals and birds instinctively watch over their young. In fact, female bears sometimes adopt orphan cubs.

@dosdoomguy2285

4 жыл бұрын

Dolphins have been know to protect people stranded at sea from sharks, although they attack sharks regardless.

@theapplepon3594

4 жыл бұрын

I remember reading somewhere during winter that an older man fell during a dog walk, I think he broke his leg(s). Anyways, his dog stayed with him, giving him warmth and saving his life.

@-yeme-

4 жыл бұрын

perhaps a decade ago a little boy fell three or four metres into a concrete gully in the open air gorilla enclosure at an English zoo seriously injuring himself and losing consciousness. in a genuinely touching display of empathy and understanding a huge male gorilla gently tended and guarded him while keeping the other curious apes in his group away, even when the boy came round and began to scream and wail in pain. then, entirely unbidden, he led his group into the indoor part of their enclosure when keepers entered to help the boy. also you can watch on youtube the footage of an orang-utan who discovers a small bird which has fallen into a pool of water in its zoo enclosure and is unable to get out. with enormous delicacy and care the orang-utan retrieves the bird, lays it on the grass and watches over it as it recovers. whats most amazing about that particular clip is how extremely and intentionally gentle every touch of the orang-utan is. its clearly aware of the delicacy of the tiny bird and its own size and strength, even showing an over-abundance of caution and initially trying to lift the bird out on a leaf as if it is afraid of hurting it. only when that fails does it pick the bird up with its fingertips.

@jalexoneschanel1356

4 жыл бұрын

Marie Ranney he also forgets that humans are literally animals

@viking-astronaut

4 жыл бұрын

@@jalexoneschanel1356 well, he's Catholic, and they don't consider humans to be animals, because we're "better" than animals. They fact that humans are animals is an insult to Catholics. I should know, because I grew up Catholic.

Everyone: "So, we're a little confused about some points in your book..." Norman: *"And I took that personally"*

When the words “Deus ex Stupid” came up, I had to stop the video for like 5 minutes to cry/wheeze with laughter. Simply glorious.

Empress Theresa, written: she was beautiful, a gorgeous young lady whose sheer artistic features were time stopping Empress Theresa, drawn: what you get when you melt an ugly mannequin

@sugars2070

4 жыл бұрын

And she was a cute kid too

@ahniandfriends123

4 жыл бұрын

@@sugars2070 apparently if we saw this "cute kid" we would see an Uncanny valley Zelda-CDi-looking character that would appear in a dozen computer games when the creators wanted to create an older child character, if we were to go by this cover' s idea of what "attractiveness" is. (If you don't know what that looks like, think of a realistic child with the face of an adult that looked like it was photoshoped in "deepfake-style" )

@sailormaratthebar2997

4 жыл бұрын

You forgot the part about how she got impregnated by a fox, dur!

@dee_is_tired

4 жыл бұрын

Marisa thanks for reminding of what I was glad to forget

@dee_is_tired

4 жыл бұрын

ahniandfriends123 like Renesme (?) in the last Twilight movie? bsjbsjds that was such a horrible idea

"Compared to me Hitler will be but a footnote!"

@ryankelley2983

4 жыл бұрын

Makes it sound like she's gonna be empress of the holocaust 2: electric boogaloo

@Ramash440

4 жыл бұрын

AKA when somebody compares you to Hitler but you get offended because Hitler was a pansy compared to you.

@TheThreatenedSwan

4 жыл бұрын

It's a matter of indifference to me what a weak western European civilization will say about me

@tomservo9254

4 жыл бұрын

All I could think of from that line was how in Dune Messiah Paul quite literally makes exactly that statement about himself, but its impact is actually fully appropriate for the book's intent.

@couragew6260

4 жыл бұрын

Tom Servo I tend to hate it a lot when characters try to downplay a historical figure in some way unless the situation isn’t so much “I’m better than this person” but rather “I might as well be this person with what I’ve done.”

I really want an Internet Historian recreation of this book. He would definitely nail it

@maddieb.4282

3 ай бұрын

This comment aged poorly

@leavemealoneplease583

2 ай бұрын

You know itll be a good recreation, mr. Historian knows how to just follow whats written really well

Something that I took note of when reading was that when meeting with the special agent that took over for Jan Struthers, he apparently ogles Theresa and finds her very beautiful for her age. She is still underage at this part and it comes across as creepy in the worst way

@zawrator4457

2 жыл бұрын

May be too charitable, but my personal theory is that Norman wrote the book with the character as an adult in mind, then later realized that if he'd make her young he could go for a Jeanne D'arc reference. He "just" forgot to remove the scenes you describe after.

@theFMTlab

2 жыл бұрын

@@zawrator4457 that could be

@ReiAnikaAyanami

Жыл бұрын

@@zawrator4457 i also have a theory: he's a nonce. that "i was beautiful as a recently turned 18 year old" line gives it away

@shipper-of-heart8898

Жыл бұрын

Not to mention the vice principal even compliments on how pretty she is, calling her beautiful (when shes 14) to try and cheer her up about being bullied , in a 'theyre jealous because of how pretty you are' way which...somebody please investigate every adult in Theresa's life