To be completely honest, I think the root of my problem is the lack of social gathering or purpose to go outside. I'm only out when I have to work, or to go to the bank, or really just shopping. I used to always be the quiet guy at school, here I am only communicating with my co-workers and customers, yet I get stuck on deepening bonds with the people I'm used to talk to. I hardly ever get invited into people's lives and because of this, I cannot express how I feel emotionally. I can't relate to people, but strangely enough, I'm fine with it.

@cheeseburgerfee8323

Жыл бұрын

Damn reading your comment felt like i read my own comment

@instigraph

Жыл бұрын

Same bro . Same

@maloneeee1915

Жыл бұрын

@@cheeseburgerfee8323 same

@TheAlienOG

Жыл бұрын

damn I felt that

@peculiarlystrangelyoddlypa4012

Жыл бұрын

Just like that is aproximately the 99.99% of the time on here xd

i am speechless, years of therapy not finding an explanation, at least 6 therapist... and in 45 mins you just explained ME to me. OMG thank you.

@SuperLifestream

Жыл бұрын

As someone who has suffered from depression for almost 2 decades straight. Its very similar to anhedonia, but different

@RichFromQueensNY

Жыл бұрын

He does explain everything perfectly it's almost as if he's suffered through it. But you're only getting an explanation of what you are of what you're feeling won't change anything knowing it. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the best therapy anyone can get and I know you say you've been to 6 therapist that's why you must find one that you can truly open up to never settle. Please look up cognitive behavioral therapy.

@wafflexboy

Жыл бұрын

I clicked on a random video that yt recommended and I've never felt more like someone was reading my mind in less than 10 minutes. I'll definitely be checking out more from him!

@bhicock8958

Жыл бұрын

Hint: your therapist doesn't want to give you answers. They want you to come back.

@iRideuWatch

Жыл бұрын

​@@dfinlen so why did you go to her? She must have been hot. 😃

The fact that I can be alexithymic to my own emotions but hyperaware and hypervigilant of others' emotions is a real kick in the pants.

@CoolEtCetera

14 күн бұрын

I guess because our eyes are facing outward not inward...

@suzannecossette1879

13 күн бұрын

I totally agree 👍

@Lauwit

8 күн бұрын

Because you learned it

The scariest part is that I can remember a time in my life where anger was like an emotional safety blanket. The only times I ever felt safe where when I was angry or upset about something. It was like I knew every other emotion could be taken away at any time and I was afraid and so that was all I had left.

@iainmaclean4872

7 ай бұрын

hmm, i remember when i used to get really angry a lot. and that sucked. so instead i became sad, since it's not as physically destructive. and i got damn good at turning anger into sadness. but now it's like what you said, it seems like it's all I've got left.

@wintersking4290

7 ай бұрын

@@iainmaclean4872 it can get better. You have to slow down and start thinking about what you actually want and what makes you happy. Then take steps to do those things, even the smallest steps will start to move your emotions in the other direction. At least that's what happened for me. I had to feel like I had built a safe and secure life and then it was ok to feel and my anxiety was weakened enough to fight it off and win. A lot of it is really fear, but we don't like to admit being afraid so we get angry and then hold that anger close like a shield.

@avertingapathy3052

7 ай бұрын

Peter Levine's somatic experiencing safety tips help. I miss the anger. I think our society and Dr. K are too cucked on this. Often enough it is righteous and appropriate and gets pathologized until you get treated for depression or high blood pressure or another conversion disorder. "You see here are tools, kids to gaslight yourself ahem fix your cognitive biases."

@wintersking4290

7 ай бұрын

@@avertingapathy3052 righteous anger is good when directed correctly. But that isn't what I was talking about. I was very close to becoming a murderer or taking other awful actions because my heart was filled with hatred for both myself and others and fear of losing the little bit I had. Instead of doing anything constructive, I lashed out more and more until I couldn't really sink any lower without actually committing crimes and going to prison. It would have been really nice to understand where the anger I felt was coming from a lot earlier. I didn't end up doing anything that bad, just got into some fist fights, but it could have been sooo much worse with only the slightest push. All because I didn't know how to deal with it. I agree that he's a little too soft and his liberal politics are obviously complete garbage. But there is still some truth in the science of how the brain works and such. Even a flawed source is more useful than none.

@AhantZzzz

7 ай бұрын

Hey thank you for this statement. I'm not saying it cured my general incapacity, but somewhere, way out past my explored cerebral horizons and out past the unknown low hum that I haven't audibly heard for 30 years, tucked down in the back of my brain lessions, I needed this perspective.

You mentioned 'neglect' and it made me reflect on me growing up. We always had food. My parents were a little strict, but they seemed loving. Then you talked about them being out of the house. For many years of growing up, both of my parents worked, so many times there wasn't an adult to be around. My response was to sort of go into myself, video games, etc. Plus I was a "gifted" kid, so I was shuttled off to another school away from my neighbors. Now I'm the epitome of 'burned out adult' because the only emotions I seem to feel often are fear, frustration, sadness, and boredom.

@storyaboutmosquitoes9441

Жыл бұрын

My siblings and I were neglected as well. We fed ourselves as we got older, and my mom got too depressed to cook. My father never did anything, besides fly off the handle.

@2degucitas

Жыл бұрын

You were emotionally neglected. Not interacting with others leaves a deep void.

@annas1197

Жыл бұрын

I recently read a book called Running on Empty and it discusses childhood emotional neglect and it was very eye opening. I’m in a similar situation as you, have loving parents but they worked a lot, never talked about emotions, were extremely strict and has high expectations that I seemed to never get praise for even if I did well. Fast forward to multiple abusive relationships and I have lost all desire to date and trust but I go through stages of extreme sadness, loneliness and fear of the future alone.

@coreyroberts47

Жыл бұрын

That sounds about right

@schadiel-ghorayeb479

Жыл бұрын

You ever tried 2 think yourself " fuck it i wanna be happy?" for me it sounds like you dont wanna be happy....

This video really spoke to me. I am a survivor of childhood emotional abuse and I had to learn to ignore my feelings and needs in order to survive. I feel so trapped in my current life and unable to change anything. I have friends constantly asking me why I always look so unhappy and honestly I have no idea what I'm feeling or why I feel it.

@myfirstseven8316

Жыл бұрын

I’m stuck here, too. It’s hard because there is an awareness of a better way to be, but not being able to access it no matter what is tried. Keep fighting, and I hope it gets lighter for you.

@stinkrat1016

Жыл бұрын

You both need therapy. Stop talking to people on the internet about it and just go and do it.

@ethangilbert7305

Жыл бұрын

My friends at a party: What's wrong? Me: That's a really good question.

@ekysnoir

Жыл бұрын

GiveHug

@tracyzimmerman7912

Жыл бұрын

I feel you. Physical emotional mental and sexual abuse left me not wanting to feel anymore. I learned to escape from reality.

Why the hell is this thing not talked about more? I'm a woman, and I never ever checked out all the criteria of something before this. All those years of wondering what is my deal and why am I just going with the flow when everyone around me seem to be motivated for something, why I cannot genuinely explain how anything affects me. Blaming it on pure laziness and lack of discipline and beating myself up over and over and no specialist even brought up that was a thing? That's insane. This is the first time in my life ever since I got out of the worse of my depression at around 18-19 that something finally explains something. I'm 28 now this answer was long overdue so thank you for this! I can finally move forward with somewhat of an idea instead of walking aimlessly thinking I'm just a shit person.

@Dodanos1

6 ай бұрын

Fkin hell thats sad to hear.

@Ketsur0n

6 ай бұрын

Hope you get better

@mamzellenoodolls2512

6 ай бұрын

Similar experience to yours! It's so frustrating going through years of therapy and not having a single professional mention and explore Alexithymia and the problems it can cause. I first stumbled upon it while researching ADHD and ASD a couple of years ago, while trying to understand myself better. And I have brought it up to my psychiatrist, but not much help or information has been shared about this subject (or about ADHD and ASD for that matter) from them. I guess it's the curse of having "man disorders" when you're a "woman" or "brought up as a woman". Since it's often overlooked and understudied in "women", l guess we're more likely to fly under the radar, get diagnosed with a few wrong stereotypical "woman disorders", thus leading to lack of true help and progression because we're not treating/handling the right thing. Glad to have stumbled upon this video which so accurately described what I have been, and still go, through. But also damn it I hope the health system gets their act together more so that there can be less lives wasted.

@trevorstith3044

5 ай бұрын

I'm 28 and Also just learned about this 😂

@ohgeezrick2019

5 ай бұрын

27, same boat as you. Wondering why I’ve never had the motivation or passion for things that everyone around me seems to have. Working on a degree now not out of passion or interest so much as it’s just the thing I felt I needed to do at this point in life as not to “fall behind” I guess. Normally I’d be glad to hear that I’m not the only one like this, but it really sucks so I’m pretty bummed to hear it affects so many people.

I got a little scared listening to "Stimulus Bound". Thats how I got myself to get my driving licence at 30 yrs old. How I got to buy a car. How I got a raise at work. They all sound positive but I felt very little joy in accomplishing these grownup milestones.

9:15 REALLY caught my attention. I've noticed time and time again that I put in work and grind and spread myself thin but ultimately succeed when it's someone else's deadline. Work, college, army, if you need me to show up at a certain time and place to do a thing, no problem. But the second it becomes internal and personal, when I set the deadline and it doesn't affect anyone else, I'll put it off forever. I always just thought i was prone to self sacrificing

@pokejeenios

Жыл бұрын

Currently experiencing the same thing in the Navy. Very easy to do something when your future is on the line and somebody tells you to do it.

@olivernagy1805

Жыл бұрын

This is literally me. I am at school and I'm literally unable to study, but if I have to help others then I would have every time to help them.

@jennw6809

Жыл бұрын

Gretchen Rubin in her "Four Tendencies" calls this the Obliger - you keep obligations to others, but not your self. Boy do I know about this

@JeffCaplan313

Жыл бұрын

@DerpsCantFly The benefit that the military has are clear chains of command. With the "modern" family, we've lost our clear chains of communication.

@mobbs6426

Жыл бұрын

This probably explains a little why I've not been back to my parents in 5 years

As someone who often feels emotionless, this is very helpful and explains a lot.

@curtisking8393

Жыл бұрын

@@eugchima2825 I got one of these. It's helped already and I've only got ot

@bapbirb

Жыл бұрын

I don't know what it means to be emotionless.. like I feel numb and distant all the time. But I also feel intense sense of helplessness and longing for past.

@schadenfroh9809

Жыл бұрын

@@eugchima2825 im intrigued, could you explain how it helps?

@UmbraVolpes

Жыл бұрын

@@bapbirb that sounds more towards depression friend

@ProjectileGrommet

Жыл бұрын

@unknown_ alexithymia isn’t emotionlessness, it’s a communication disorder with respect to translating emotions to those around you. Don’t get it twisted

Diagnosed with ADHD at like age 6, with Asperger at age 16. I wouldn't say I don't feel anything. It's just that at some point in my life I had a strong need to disconnect my feelings from the outside world and that required segregation. The need originates from being affected too much by what others did and said. So I dug a moat and built a drawbridge that I lift whenever someone makes me feel emotionally unsafe. This allows me to prevent being emotionally manipulated or severely hurt by others. But a side-effect is that the rest of my life is more comfortable/less painful when the draw bridge is up, so at some point I subconsciously transitioned from the draw bridge being down unless there's anticipated danger...to the draw bridge being up unless there's something I really want to connect to. And so a self-defense mechanism became a weakness. But the root cause isn't that I don't feel anything. It's that I am afraid of my emotions being at the whim of other people. And that fear is never going to go away. I have experienced the painful proof that I always need a plan B instead of wholeheartedly creating a dependency on others. That's the core of my Avoidant personality. They can't hurt me if my dependency is symbolic. We agreed to meet but you don't show up? That's fine, I had a plan B before I even agreed to meeting up.

@amnbvcxz8650

3 ай бұрын

Very relatable. I am an extremely sensitive person and things others can move on from bring me a lot of emotional pain. When i relate to others, i am always left at their whim and feel weak, incapable of managing my negative emotions. also some of my family treated me very badly as a kid/teen, as well as i was mistreated by peers often. Due to poor boundaries and being weak I attracted a lot of people who wanted to hurt someone to take out their pain. I can’t trust someone, and it takes a lot of internal doubting and fighting to allow a budding attachment to someone to develop, but somehow i always pick the worst people to attach to who bring only pain and mistreatment. I am cursed not to be loved 😂

@NLTops

3 ай бұрын

@@amnbvcxz8650 It's a stupid cliché, but you just need to find the right people. They'll still hurt you now and then, but they won't do it intentionally or with malice. I have a couple of close friends, though by other people's definition it might not be that close. I also can't really say I move on from my pain a lot. My longest relationship lasted 6,5 years and ended...7 years ago. And I'm still coping. It's just an amount of pain I dunno if any amount of happiness is worth going through that again. So I haven't felt any incentive to try. And similarly to you, both my parents are nuts in their own way and it wasn't a stable childhood.

@Wintr66

2 ай бұрын

This reminds me very much of myself, I also have ADHD as well as Autism and my biggest problem is a negative inner personality that never gives me anything breathing space as well as tying into what the video is about it makes life a constant nightmare 😑

@NLTops

2 ай бұрын

@@Wintr66 I wouldn't think of myself as having a negative inner personality. If anything I'm very resilient and like to focus on the positive however small that may be. It sounds contradicting, but I'm both very self-critical and very forgiving. I.e. I judge myself harshly but I like who I am and accept my limitations. My comment is more related to my proximal cause for being capable of putting my emotions on mute, and how that contrasts with the video. I grew up in a rather unstable home, so I developed a mechanism to safeguard my inner self. But it's such an effective tool that I have to be careful when I use it. It could literally be the apocalypse and I could turn a switch and I would be able to just carry on as best as I can. But if I use it any time I'm not actually being manipulated... it just means I'm ignoring my own naturally-invoked emotions. Personally I'm fine with that at times. Because my emotions are just a feedback system to me. My cognitive will can either agree or disagree with my emotional state. I like it that way. But there is a double-edged sword quality to being capable of that. Another difference between us is that I draw very clear lines between "things within my control" and "things outside my control". My default state is that there is no point agonizing over the latter. I just have to make it work the best I can with the former, and accept the latter. My own fatigue and stress levels by the way, are outside of my control. If I need rest, I need rest. Hope that gives you some insights into the things you're struggling with and how I approach them.

@KCeci

2 ай бұрын

thank you for articulating so clearly. This reasonates

I literally have to fake emotions around other ppl, a lot of acting. Like, act excited to see someone, or like I miss them, or act sad in situations where I'm supposed to be sad, like funerals, I even have to act Angry, when someone does something wrong to me. If I do manage to get upset or angry, (it's actually more like being offended, than anger), like, if someone screws me over, it passes so quickly, then after I have to keep faking anger & upset ness to get my point across, even tho I'm not actually feeling it. But I have to do it, so the person doesn't screw me over again. It's exhausting. I'm always exhausted being around ppl bc of my anxiety, & masking; this is just another hurdle to add to my exhaustion. Nobody knows this about me, I haven't told anyone in my life that I no longer am feeling any emotions. I've tried a few times in the past, but wasn't believed, or dismissed. And I assume, if I was to b believed, everyone would think I'm mean or cold or an asshole. I'm still good to ppl, bc I used to feel emotions, & I know how it feels to b hurt, even tho I don't hurt anymore. But I've been concerned for many years now, bc I used to b overly emotional, until these past ten years.

@shara1979

9 ай бұрын

One thing that's extremely difficult for me, is comforting ppl when they're upset or crying, it makes me so uncomfortable & awkward, I freak out.

@GhostSamaritan

4 ай бұрын

​@@shara1979I'm exactly the same. You don't happen to be on the spectrum?

@denkikaminari3128

Ай бұрын

yeah I have the same problem. I never felt happiness when someone gave me a gift, never missed my friends or relatives, never felt sad about sad things. but I always need to act and im doing it too much. it exhausting

@kakimotoK20

21 күн бұрын

Similar but not to that extent. What’s oddly similar is that you say you use to be overly emotional. That was me but I suppressed it as a child and young adult to a point I don’t feel ever. I took an online test to see if im a sociopath lol I’m not but feel like one sometimes. LSD would probably put me in the right place but idk where to get it and don’t want to do drugs anymore

@shara1979

18 күн бұрын

It's is very exhausting, yes. I avoid ppl every chance I get. And I like being alone, tho ppl don't believe that either. Lol. I avoid socializing, I hear my cellphone ring, & my insides twist, & I can't breathe, almost a panic attack. Thank God for texting.

A big reason I love my video games is simply because there is a clear goal and pathway to it. In life I feel so lost and can't seem to care enough about it to get found. Love the video!

@Metzli

6 ай бұрын

Boy would I love a quest marker to point the way in real life xD

@Decora_Shadowolf

6 ай бұрын

@@Metzli or even little hints that pop up in the bottom of your vision like "hold LMB to activate quest tracking" lmao

@ademonsenvy

4 ай бұрын

@@Metzli bible bro 🤣

@makaisenki

2 ай бұрын

​@@MetzliYour next quest is to move in with your parents or someone before your rent doubles or triples in the next 10 years. Or make sure you have enough financial buffer somehow to be able to afford when $800 apartments become 1300 to $2,000 minimum. Any 5% increase year over year is going to be I total of $1,300 with 10% putting you up at 2100. I mean maybe you make over $50,000 and live in a low rent apartment but at that point you have plenty of money to find meaning in life. Just stockpile money and either learn to swing trade which you can do with $100 until you learn how to turn it into $200 and then turn that $200 into 400 and then turn that 400 into 800. It's something I have done fairly reliably even in a bad market on the market sideways I would just wait for the market to crash about 10 11% big red candles and then I would buy and then if I had three solid days of green I would sell I missed some of the moves but in two weeks in a market where everyone's panicking that the market is dead I still made a 50% ROI on $600. I guess out the 900 used it for what I needed it for and then for the most part left the market for a while I was going to come back in the market but my wife make sure I don't have enough money to do that so instead of having tens of thousands of dollars from trading I have pretty much nothing cuz every time I would put in $50 and swing trade it to $100 and cash out $50 for something I wanted my wife would hit my bank account as soon as that money entered my account and use it on b*******. Not even joking. Literally I would have no money in my account for a week and then with the swing trading I was going to get something I wanted with 50 bucks I did the swing trading I what transferred to my account at one or 2:00 in the morning, Go to bed, she was already asleep, And when I woke up at 6:00 the money was already gone. Happened twice and then I just stopped swing trading what's the point if I can't ever make anything off of it. I wanted to buy video game and I figured I would play the stock market to make money for the video game and then take the other $50 and swing trade it until I had a substantial amount of money. My wife apparently would just wake up every morning and immediately look at my bank accounts she wouldn't look at her bank accounts because her bank accounts are always empty she makes sure that no matter how gracious I am to her. I literally bought a safe to put money into the safe that was for me to give to her throughout the month so that she wouldn't be completely broke and wouldn't have any excuse to steal money for me and my credit cards. Within 1 month she had broken the safe trying to bounce it on the bed while jerking the handle because she saw it on KZread. There was no money in the safe it had already been 3 weeks I'd already doled out her allowance that I was willingly giving her even though she made almost as much money off of disability as I made it my job. She then took it to her dad and instead of her dad getting really pissed at her he helped her cut open the safe to get out any money that was in there. Then they threw away the safe and they asked me why I was digging it out of the trash and I told them because I had to get stuff out of the safe. They said there was nothing in there they already checked and I said no I have my birth certificate and other important documents in the bottom of the safe hidden under a foam mat that came with the safe. But since my wages were only enough to cover rent and have a few hundred dollars anything enough to like pay bills and eat with I was stuck in a relationship where I knew I could never trust the woman I married. And even though I set the bar really low for her somehow she keeps lowering it. Really tragic but hey welcome to America where you get emotional abuse because living on your own is improbable. I know she's bipolar and schizophrenic but she just keeps getting worse. She'll get better for a couple of months give me a little bit of hope and then anytime someone does anything she takes it so personally that she spirals out of control again. And great news all the therapists are not taking new customers in the area. And her last therapist was some 90-year-old woman who didn't really know anything but talking about how great God is. I don't even think her old therapist could have pronounced cognitive behavioral therapy she was pretty much about his qualified in my opinion as the pastor is and many pastors are far better therapists than she was. So yeah. Life is like playing on dark souls where you aren't allowed to use any shields. You better learn how to just knock everything that comes at you out of the way, and move very slowly so that you don't get hit by every single sneak attack that's posted around every third corner. Except a couple times where you get hit back-to-back with sneak attacks. You let your guard down because you just went through and ordeal surely there's no... yep there's something around the next corner that just killed me.

@makaisenki

2 ай бұрын

​@@Decora_Shadowolfhere's a hint take your rent multiply it by 1.05. do that over and over again until you cannot cover rent that is how much 5% rent inflation is going to utterly destroy your ability to pay rent. Do the same thing for 1.1 that is 10% inflation. So you have to have enough money that in 10 years you can go from paying $800 in rent to $1,300 rent. Or if it's closer to 10% which it always was for me sometimes even a little above Now you're looking at $2,000 yep most of the jobs in my area don't pay $2,000 and our minimum wage is still $7.25. So your first two quests are getting rid of everyone in your life that thinks that minimum wage shouldn't go up because inflation unless they accept the argument that inflation is going to happen whether the minimum wage goes up or not back to the matter is it has to go up before the country goes bankrupt. It would be better to subsidize wage increases from the minimum wage with the government rather than to have most Americans unable to pay rent in the next 5 years.

I always used to hate questions like "What do you wanna do in 5 years?". How should I know, so much can change between then and now, what's the point in planning? Maybe that's just an excuse, because in truth, I can barely look past the next month most times. At my job, people say things like "You're competent, you can really move up in this company/progress your career" or try to give me more responsibility and hours, and I wanna say "Dude, I'm just vibing. I'm just glad to have a job at the moment, can you just leave me be?"

@ThatOneNiceGuy9001

Жыл бұрын

Same here man, then every now and then i'll reflect on myself and think "what am i doing? i'm not happy and i need to change something" and the next day it's back to drifting through life.

@CrescentUmbreon

Жыл бұрын

I think I'm just finally coming to terms with some life desires, like helping people, or building something artistically, but then I run into the real life roadblocks of feasibility or lack of awareness at opportunities. All I can really say is that I want to have a good life with my friends and family, so maybe that'll motivate me to do harder jobs and advance somehow. But I still don't know what I internally "want" to do.

@blubblurb

Жыл бұрын

Dude, you described exactly my situation.

@mrs.quills7061

Жыл бұрын

I despise those questions too because they feel like entrapment to me… it’s like they wanna test your loyalty but if the last few years have shown us anything it’s that anything can change drastically in a short period of time.

@spigney4623

Жыл бұрын

YES same. Im surviving not planning.

ASD with Alexythimia and ASPD traits combined with lifetime of chronic bullying and just a general lack of bonding to even people that treat me good is quite an experience.

Ironically, this video hit me right in the feels. I've made a hobby, not a profession, of learning as much about psychology in its different forms from several therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, internet, and youtube in trying to figure out wtf is wrong with me. You gave it a word, a definition, examples, and an actual step forward. You have a new subscriber sir. Thank you

@ashtrathewitch9

4 ай бұрын

I felt this so much, to have the knowledge that your not like everyone else or you know "something is wrong" and to finally put a name to it is the most relieving feeling I have ever gone through.

Thank you so much. I’ve written this in diaries and such countless times - I describe it as ‘second hand emotion’, where I know what I’m meant to feel, I just… don’t. Thank you so so so much man.

@michaelgarrow3239

Жыл бұрын

You don’t have to feel the 2nd hand -that is just what you’re told to feel. FTW

@Kil408

11 ай бұрын

The most clear thing that happened to me recently was getting my college acceptance letters. When I got them, I felt nothing. I knew I was supposed to be happy, but it was just nothing. It was only when my parents walked in the room and got excited that I felt happy, and I’m not even sure if I was happy for myself or happy for them being happy for me. “Second-hand” is the perfect way to describe it.

@beans9288

11 ай бұрын

@@Kil408 Exactly! I only act the emotion when I’m around other people. Even when I’m watching funny videos from my favourite people I usually sit there with a straight face… I know it’s funny and I don’t _dislike_ the content but I don’t feel any need to react unless someone else is there. Just like you said there. Congrats on the college acceptance though!

@vanessahollenbach85

11 ай бұрын

I can feel other's emotions very deeply, to the extent that it haunts me months later...ask me how I'm feeling, and it's like I'd rather fall on a sword

11 ай бұрын

This happens all the time to me too, and i had no idea what it could be. Watching this video and reading the comments finally make me feel understood.

“It can be caused by controlling or neglectful parents.” Great! I had both 🙃 I couldn’t show anger, sadness, hell I couldn’t even give my own opinion for fear of a perceived slight. I was often told that my ventures were gonna fail and so I’ve operated for the longest time on my parents wishes; and I’ve burned out from that too. Idk what’s worse, the emptiness from when I did follow my parents wishes or currently when I no longer have any type of purpose.

@AgentST33L1X

Жыл бұрын

I feel exactly this too growing up, and right now feeling more intensely than before as I'm trying to get things in motion to move out (with not much success/ going slowly) and be out from their conflicts and control. How did you deal with the moving out portion and currently deal with the emptiness and confusion?

@13RedCorpse

Жыл бұрын

This period can be temporary. Actually you burning out just means that you can no longer live the way you lived before..Which was a self-neglective way (I suppose). Now is the hardest part. Before you will be able to have any "Your own" purpose, you need to get acquainted with yourself. At first - understand and not turn back from your feelings. Second - give a value to you desires, even the smallest ones, at least admit that you have hem. And then with time you'll start seeing the progress. But follow these steps not for the purpose of having a reason to live in someone else`s eyes, not to prove something to someone or even yourself. Remember that the main goal here - providing yourself with a feeling that it is ok to be you, that it is ok to feel, ok to have desires. I can't promise that this will 100% work, of course. I don't know your situation. But I believe that it is a direction worth trying.

@nunothedude

Жыл бұрын

Same

@kadavr314

Жыл бұрын

What worked for me a little was to be *brutally honest with myself* ; I've always been that quiet kid that gave no problems at home. So, I was having a pretty bad day (those ""end-times"" days if you know what I mean) at Uni, and I was very sad and angry at the same time. But instead of crying more, I snapped at the absurdity of the situation: Why stop living just for a grade? This train of thought made me realize I didnt had a strong *inner voice*. Let me explain it more; I just continued to apply the concept : lets be brutally honest... - Do you really believe in God (as in religion)? No. - Do you like this career? No. - Do you like doing X? Yes. - But do you like this other Y? Not so much because of Z. - Clothing, friends, life, etc....? This *freed myself* of some baggage that got me stuck in that "alive but dead, spectating" mode; for the first time in a long time I can say that I wear the clothes that I want, for example. This, plus with taking life not so serious as before (walking more slowly, breathing, or just accepting that nobody cares if you are a little "weird") nearly destroyed my anxiety. Of course, its only a small part of the puzzle. I started to read more books about trauma and neglect, and its true that the phase after this is full of *RAGE* , because you start to acknowledge all the pain and loneliness that you had to endure. Just my 2 cents.

@REChronic54

Жыл бұрын

@@AgentST33L1X Dude trust me, you are way far ahead than I am. After a lot of downturns I am just now trying to get back on my feet again lol So the only thing I can say is to push yourself to do one thing. I found that a balance of pushing myself and taking a step back is good since the problem is a lack of motivation. Whether that be forcing myself to read a book or take a new job. Try to just do things and then reflect on how it makes you feel or if you can derive some value from it. As for moving out, try to keep a strong hold of why you want to move out. I don’t know what your circumstances are, maybe you’re doing everything yourself w/o much guidance from your parents so try to keep that bit of motivation alive. And do not catastrophize. Idk if this helped much, but I wish you the best.

I just called it being dead inside.

@Thegingerbreadm4n

25 күн бұрын

I’m beyond dead inside. I want revenge on the world. I’m so dead that I want to come back just to haunt people.

@chesterlestrange7725

21 күн бұрын

@@Thegingerbreadm4n eww

@Thegingerbreadm4n

21 күн бұрын

@@chesterlestrange7725 you’re next.

@chesterlestrange7725

21 күн бұрын

@Thegingerbreadm4n nope. I see what people are like when they let nihilism take control and have the wherewithal to be proactive about preventing it. I make sure I keep gratitude at the front of my mind.

@Thegingerbreadm4n

21 күн бұрын

​ @chesterlestrange7725 Good thing I dont care what you think.you're not the judge of me. stop harassing strangers on the internet with depression, you pathetic troll.

Im 18 years old, Ive been to so many child psychologist and then later other therapists, not knowing what was going on being unable to explain anything that I was feeling, developing addictions going to rehab still not knowing what's going and you just make a 45 minute video that has now for the first time in my entire life made me understand a part of what's going on. Thanks man, and a lil bit of thanks to the YT algorithm for recommending me this video

Pleeeeease Dr K do a video on depersonalisation/derealisation. I think it's one of the least talked about but most common and most horrific conditions to deal with. I've also heard it referred to as "the dark side of enlightenment", which really rings true to me as someone who's suffered from it for many years. It's like your sense of self and ego disappears entirely, but involuntarily so you're left in a state of flailing around, frantically searching your mind and the world for any sense of meaning and identity. It's like seeing the void of nothingness/oneness when you aren't ready so you get completely overwhelmed and consumed by fear and emptyness. I've been in this state for over 15 years and still searching for a way to deal with it or to escape/accept it. Hearing your or anyone else's perspective on this would mean a lot.

@edemontfort9482

Жыл бұрын

I would also like to hear a video about that subject because that's exactly how I feel but couldn't put my finger on it until now. I have a feeling that this condition you describe develops after having had cold, aloof, or narcissistic parents or partners. How to come out of it is the question.

@SolarJakee

Жыл бұрын

@@edemontfort9482 I kinda had the opposite to you in the form of a very smothering mother (though I think the end result is often similar). with a fair amount of bullying at school and severe lack of confidence and self esteem issues growing up. I do wonder what, if any, are the common denominators amongst people who have this condition.

@freecaste

Жыл бұрын

Get the book "The Haunted Self - Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization" and read it cover-to-cover. This book was key to educating myself about the condition and its attributes. D/D is your mind providing a tactical withdrawal when faced with overwhelmingly intolerable stimuli and situations. So long as your situation remains intolerable, then you will stay blasted out. A tricky nuance is that your stimuli may have passed or resolved already, but your mind/body is still traumatized and thinks it is still permanently under duress, when it isn't. It is important to identify that stimuli/stressor and either (if it's still around) resolve it or (if it has passed) heal the trauma it left inside you. I dissociated at the age of 12 and achieved final fusion at 28. I had an alter who was specifically born to deal with all manner of trouble, threat, adversaries, and violence. After many years those antagonisms had passed or resolved, and I could then focus on healing.

@pheonixrises11

Жыл бұрын

I really thought I was enlightened or something in middle school, but I was just detatched from the world. I lived calmly and peacefully because my emotions were shut away. As my life got better and more stable, I’ve been struck with unfamiliar emotions that make me feel less mature than I was then, even though the opposite is true. I just didn’t have to deal with these big emotions back then, and now I have to figure out what they mean.

@SolarJakee

Жыл бұрын

@@freecaste Thanks I will order the book. What do you mean by "an alter"? Not sure if that's a typo or something I don't understand...

I've been journaling for a few months now but only in the last few weeks did I download the emotion wheel and now at the top of my journal I write down the emotions I'm feeling. Even during work, I will take a moment to feel my emotions and write them down. Being in tune with your emotions, good and bad, will let you build emotional maturity. If you feel sad and you cry, you will feel better after. If you feel sad and you bury it and don't feel it, you build up that sadness within you and slowly get more and more depressed. Emotions also tell you what you need. If you feel lonely, you need connection. If you feel sad, you need to cry. If you feel shame, you need self compassion. If you're angry, you need to check your personal boundaries. I hope this helps someone out there! It's helping me heal, even if it can feel uncomfortable at times (I used to use drugs and alcohol a lot which would numb my emotions).

@sammykrich

Жыл бұрын

That’s a fantastic idea. Going to do the same and put the wheel in my journal. Thank you for sharing!

@submarooo4319

Жыл бұрын

Great idea! I usually set time for myself to just think in a secluded area with no distractions by myself, including reflecting on myself. Like shower thoughts but not in the shower.

@josephjohnphillips2535

Жыл бұрын

It's also good to rate the intensity of your emotions from 1-10 to be get even more in tune with your emotions.

@reisatsuki5891

Жыл бұрын

Hi, can I ask where did you get the emotion wheel you're referring to?

@dkkali120

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this

i hav been struggling with motivation, my vision, my purpose for over a month now. it's like a switch flipped a month ago. nothing affects me anymore, and nothing feels worth anything. it's a useless world, i felt. will meditate and watch this again. i do actually feel a lot better after watching this video.

Once at a family party my toddler nephew fell down and looked at me and I smiled. Then he looked towards the ladies and when he saw the look of concern on their faces started bawling. It was very interesting to be able to see the psychology and the child's mind at work.

I also feel it happens the same when you re experience the same “bad” emotions or feelings over and over again til you cannot feel those emotions anymore, or just go through the same traumatizing experiences; you get desensitized (?)

@sammykrich

Жыл бұрын

I think ruminating is almost feeling bad emotions about your bad emotions. At least for me. Once I let myself actually experience it and then tell myself “no one deserves that. You didn’t deserve that,” and kind of give that old version of myself a hug, I notice I don’t tend to keep returning to it as much. Not in a desensitized way but more like seeing it with kindness.

@ruled_by_pluto

Жыл бұрын

yeah. at a certain point if your life is f*cked up enough you have to stop feeling. couldn't survive otherwise. we save the feelings for when we are safe, know (or think) we are done experiencing trauma, and ready to really heal

@ethangilbert7305

Жыл бұрын

@@ruled_by_pluto Yep and without emotions we cannot act. we feel emotions but the emotions we feel are either good or bad and rarely anything else. there's a whole entire emotion wheel and we can only sense good and bad.

@artifundio1

Жыл бұрын

@@sammykrich I liked your explanation so much!

@tjastec5124

Жыл бұрын

IDK CHIEF

I could check all the boxes EXCEPT the one about not feeling emotions. I feel anger, sadness, guilt..basically all the negative ones but I DON'T really feel happiness all that much. Sometimes I'd have something to look forward to that I know would make me happy but when that moment comes or when I finally get that thing I wanted for soo long.. I feel numb. Nothing. I am unable to feel happy and that makes me very confused. "This was supposed to make me feel happy but I feel nothing at all" It's depressing. I want to feel all these positive emotions the same way as the negative ones. Dr.K, does this still mean I could have Alexithymia?

@tirone7520

Жыл бұрын

this is exactly like me

@overPowerPenguin

Жыл бұрын

"I finally get that thing I wanted for soo long" that's quite normal, as it happens to desire and imagine a thing in your head for long time but in the end to discover it doesn't make sense in practice. I think many people experience the same thing at least sometime in life. "This was supposed to make me feel happy but I feel nothing at all", or not. It is what it is. Maybe there's something else that makes you happy, that's not present in the mainstream life and it's a niche thing. Whatever, seeking for happiness would not bring you happiness at all, only a big disappointing at the end. Got to try to exercise this feeling at every little step toward to a goal and bring attention to little details of the life.

@jennywarren

Жыл бұрын

Same. Do you think it's a defense mechanism?

@Kokose

Жыл бұрын

It doesn't feel like it. I'm autistic with alexithymia and I am colourblind to all emotions, not just sadness. It's confusing, I am not able to make a distinction between emotions. Everything always feels the same. Comparisons make it easier to understand. I can say ''i feel bad'' or ''i feel good'' but I don't understand the difference between feeling overly excited and angry. It feels the same way to me. Physical signs are the same.

@aparna5532

Жыл бұрын

@@Kokose Well Autism is a completely different subject. I am certain I am not autistic but I am 99% sure I have ADHD. I was also diagnosed with Generalised anxiety disorder and borderline depression. My query was more in terms of ADHD and alexithymia since Dr.K had mentioned how they can manifest in many different ways.

I relate to this so much. And I think it transfers to the body too. I have a HUGE threshold for pain and discomfort and I think it’s bc I’m often unaware that I’m sick or in pain until it’s super obvious - whereas my family members know when they’re unwell, right away.

I rather nor feel ANYTHING than feeling depression !!

I'm a woman and I can really really relate to this, especially the parts about feeling aimless and unable to find purpose in my life or have drive towards goals. I feel like I used to be more motivated in my past, but I've dealt with so much hurt and rejection and failure that I've been knocked down what feels like 1000 times and I am just at a point where I don't feel like I have much fight in me anymore. Thank you for explaining all this!

@laurarao603

Жыл бұрын

I feel the same way. I'm going to be 55 this year. It truly wears on you when you been through so much pain and disappointment. It's an awful way to feel. 😪

@Portia620

Жыл бұрын

Are used to be super motivated, and after the last three years of dealing with so much stress, kind of fries and you can’t lose that motivation. Add health issues after divorce to a narc and your happy being alone never dating! I keep trying because I’d like to have a partner but I’m just dead inside I think? 🤦‍♀️. I’m happy but I just don’t know where to go.??? At 40 something trying to start over again it’s strange when others are retiring, and I’m just now getting into a career because my ex worked for my father’s company nobody gave me handouts. Nobody gave me a foot up. I went to college first generation. My father didn’t go to college. I worked hard I got my degree but that didn’t help me. I have such a work gap. Starting all over when my ex got those cars everything just you know narcissistic abuse is hard to explain but anyway it’s difficult to start all over so I can understand why people feel nothing because that’s how I felt out of my marriage and I’m better now thank God, but I think enormous amounts of stress physically from autoimmune, along with being married to a very deep dark ConMan can really throw you into a complex PTSD.! Thank God I had the Lord and I never went to church, but I have a close, spiritual connection. That’s all I had in I picked myself up. Dang trying to date is difficult. Everybody throat is red flags. And purpose in my life. Oh, I have no idea what that is anymore😂

@Lyrielonwind

Жыл бұрын

I think is learned helplessness. I get your point. I feel the same.

@isaacjacobs4397

11 ай бұрын

Im 31 and trying to fix my problems, we can do this.

@Techischannel

10 ай бұрын

Funfact: This is what taming is, you hurt something or someone so much both physically and mentally that thier fight is just gone. The more humane alternative is called domestication. :)

"Existing instead of living" OMG YES!!!!!! THIS! You put it into words!!!!

@HaggisMuncher-69-420

19 күн бұрын

That can't be the first time you've ever heard of that Ms. Killerpussy84

i knew for the longest time that the constant rejection and disvaluing of my emotions throughout my childhood wasn't good, but was unable to really understand the real repercussions. for the first time in a while I feel very validated in how I conduct myself, thank you

THERES A NAME FOR WHAT IVE FELT MY WHOLE LIFE???

As an autistic person, your videos have helped me grow leaps and bounds in emotional understanding. The people around me never really described these things in helpful ways, so I've struggled with it for a long time. Your videos are really helpful, thank you

@emilyb5557

11 ай бұрын

❤

@bubbleteabeatboxx

10 ай бұрын

Same!! I'm autistic as well, hello :)

@prapanthebachelorette6803

10 ай бұрын

Hi fellas 😊

@Rose_Harmonic

8 ай бұрын

I resemble that remark! This guy over here cleansing us of our emotional and social debuffs and turning us into the most OP people there are.

@gavinclark6891

8 ай бұрын

this is me too

For some of us, because we had to shut off our feelings before we even remember (before age 3) we have no idea we weren't feeling our feelings (especially since we do have *some* sense we are upset, unfulfilled, depressed, etc). We've been going through life this way not knowing there were deep feelings underneath. Especially if our parents were like this too.

@hitzoneproductions7858

8 ай бұрын

Great Point!

@buckslayer5612

7 ай бұрын

Fs or we only have a couple

@jennw6809

7 ай бұрын

@@buckslayer5612 yup, I feel some emotions, but I'm sort of red-green color blind for others???

@volkdemon872

7 ай бұрын

I had to go through this same thing. It leaves you damaged in ways that's extremely difficult to repair

@jennw6809

7 ай бұрын

@@volkdemon872 I completely agree. Fearful-avoidant attachment is so difficult to work with. I wish you well, friend.

I believe 100% I have Alexithymia...think it came from heavy marijuana consumption while simultaneously trying to "find myself" and "understand the world around me" then slowly lost my emotions little by little as I started learning things that messed up my head. I'm very confused with where I'm at right now, but I am struggling terribly. I feel like Dr. K really gives great advice that would be helpful for me, but my mind/body is stuck in an addictive comatose state. It feels like even the most minor changes I make in life feel EXTREMELY daunting and near impossible. I don't know how to change without my mental not allowing it.

@ShyDigi

8 ай бұрын

Keep in mind, youre likely not addicted to THC. It has the lowest addiction potential out of most drugs, furthermore it doesnt "remove your emotions" in the slightest, if anything it heightens them.

@moistmellow1198

8 ай бұрын

@@ShyDigi when done in extreme amounts, and mixed with other drugs, you can’t always say that. Yes, when taken normally that is 100% true; however, that isn’t the full story.

@moistmellow1198

8 ай бұрын

@@ShyDigi also anything can be addictive. I of course know that it is a low addictive substance as a heavy marijuana smoker… that doesn’t mean I can’t be addicted to it.

@pathologicusmaximus

7 ай бұрын

I feel you. Are you still using cannabis? In my experience, heavy cannabis-use can cause me to get emotionally overwhelmed and result in a dulling effect. It often takes a week or so of abstinence to start normalizing. In any case, it seems a change of perspective is in order. I'd try to do something where your focus is on the physical body and the senses, e.g. playing an instrument, going for walks, cooking, breathing. It could be anything! Your point of focus is what matters at this time. With any luck, small embers of thoughts and emotions will rise up, giving you the opportunity to first of all, feel them in your body, and gradually, figure out their nuances and their origins.

@moistmellow1198

7 ай бұрын

@@pathologicusmaximus after about 5 years of heavy use daily, I am about a month or so sober except for a handful of small occasions, and do feel somewhat better, but still pretty dulled

I got through a minute and a half of the video before I lost the motivation to watch. I’ll come back in about a week.

@thefunnylovingomega3429

3 ай бұрын

Here is a reminder to watch the rest of the video :) it would really help

@athessa232

2 ай бұрын

come back! the video is really informative :)

@AZunon

2 ай бұрын

I have just watched many thanks.

When people say: "be emotionally available", they never mention how people have to reach out in order to build trust and make that connection. It is always : be available, and ignore that this only works with people who provide positive emotions, and not the insensitive hyper lot that has been bugging us our whole life already, telling us to smile more, just do it, don’t take it so hard, stop whining, don't be a wimp, and bury those emotions deep so you can play along with our peer-pressure powered social exploitation game. It’s like vampires telling you to show your neck. Emotionally available? To who? this lot? Note how the fault is always projected on the individual, instead of realizing that the social fabric should allow for different individuals who may or may not subscribe to some bubblemind idea of what we all should be like. It is an exclusionary, accusatory and isolating mindset, it is an abusive way to talk to people. I call it emotional totalitarianism because we are not allowed to be unsure about how we feel, but have to fall in and say yessir and be all perky and uppity and available and engaged. To heck with it.

@geryz7549

6 ай бұрын

Toxic positivity. Hate it.

@PhotoJeticPoet

4 ай бұрын

Honestly I've been forcing myself to "be positive" and "open" but I feel exactly how you feel. What's the point when people suck.

@amnbvcxz8650

3 ай бұрын

You’re projecting

@disklamer

3 ай бұрын

@@amnbvcxz8650 ur*

@VaronPlateando

2 ай бұрын

the very ones (in particular xx.s) calling for emotional availability | opening (in gents) can be expected to later weaponise against whoever followed upon this, in citing what was granted, if found suitable to formers’ gain. I guess we know enough now.

Fuck, am I alexithymic? ...I don't know how to feel about that!

@kollurisaisudeep8834

Жыл бұрын

thats exactly alexithymia,lol..same here

@mannb1023

Жыл бұрын

Lol

@David-ub7vm

2 ай бұрын

😂

@VaronPlateando

2 ай бұрын

maybe, getting mildly baffled has been good starter already.

@thederpydude2088

Ай бұрын

Loll that feels so true At least I can have the feeling of it being true tho xD

I have NO IDEA WHY this video autoplayed when it did, but it changed my life as I drew nearer and nearer to the new face among millions on the internet that, strangely, somehow knew more about what I was going through and who I am better than I do. This was a MIND BLOWER and I sincerely appreciate your efforts to even share your knowledge with so many others like me out there. I think this... I REALLY think this video will have changed the trajectory of the rest of my life. Now: how to recognize, communicate, improve, and conquer the blink of time I have on this planet. At least I know wtf I am even looking at, rather than chalking myself up to be an eternal failure.

@suzannecossette1879

13 күн бұрын

Brilliant ❣

this video and the one talking about brain rot i think it was are just EXACTLY how ive felt the passed few years, i was an addict for a few years, ive been clean for over 5 years and went to school and stuff, but now i feel directionless, like i have no idea what to do in life or where to go, this video literally hits the nail on the head, absolutely NO motivation to do ANYTHING whatsoever

It's so strange when I think about my feelings getting more and more numb. Every day I hear worse and worse news, starting from 2019, the pandemic, forest fires, tsunamis, earthquakes, wars (in my tiny county too), blockades, falling economy, worsening climate. It's like the world around me only changes to the worse, leaving me with nothing good to look forward to, nothing good to expect from my future, from global future, nothing to hope. Maybe this numbness is a coping mechanism, a way my brain tries to make itself safe from going insane.

I have alexithymia. (I didn't know until I was diagnosed with autism.) The thing is, I do experience the full range of emotions that are available, but it's like I'm missing the words to describe them. As if it's another language that I'm not proficient at. If you look at the wheel of emotions, I mostly tend to use the words in the center of the wheel to say what I’m feeling. But give me the wheel of emotions when you ask me to describe my emotions, and I can accurately say which one I'm experiencing. That wheel functions like a dictionary for me. So for me, alexithymia doesn't mean I don't experience emotions. I just can’t properly label them so that other people can understand what I'm experiencing.

@REChronic54

Жыл бұрын

I honestly think I may have autism as well. I know what emotions are, I feel it, but at the same time, I feel really distant from them. If I’m analyzing people, I know why they feel a certain way from a situation but I feel emotionally distant when I’m in the moment with them. It’s not that I don’t have empathy, because I definitely feel it when I engage in media. Idk if this has any similarity to how you’re feeling. I know symptoms of trauma and autism tend to overlap so I may have the former instead.

@LELIE-

Жыл бұрын

@@REChronic54 - In my case, I had to learn to read other people’s emotions. It’s not something that comes natural. Because it’s a such conscious thing, it might cause you to feel a bit more distant to them. Because you’re analyzing instead of feeling.

@shadowfox933

Жыл бұрын

I was about to write this same kind of comment (I'm autistic as well), but I don't want to say the same thing in his comment section since you've already described it so well

@LELIE-

Жыл бұрын

@@shadowfox933 - Thank you for the compliment. Getting diagnosed helped me get this insight. And it makes it possible to work on the things that don’t come natural to me. It also helped me find people that experience the world in a similar way. It’s very comforting.

@TheCyberSatyr

Жыл бұрын

This is me

Every single time I struggled with a specific issue these last few months I get a video of yours in my recommended that discusses the EXACT issue. It's almost creepy but I love it, and hearing the stuff Ive gone through get explained so thoroughly makes me want to cry. I have mad respect for you.

I truly don’t think I’ve ever watched a more helpful video. I have always been known as the person who is indifferent or unaffected by things while also being able to logically understand or explain why I am thinking or doing something but almost never have I felt or been able to explain my feelings and have alway buried my head in video games. Only recently did I realize it was due to trying to escape things going on even though I never felt overwhelmed or stressed. I knew it was something but every other thing I’ve ever looked into never fit but this just hit every point. Thank you, KZread algorithm and Dr. K for giving me a name for it finally.

I've been talking to a therapist recently and I've been struggling to accurately describe what feels wrong. It's either "let me rant incoherently for 50 mins about all the things that bother me" or I get choice paralysis and clamp shut. This video really helps

At one point my therapist asked me where I see myself in 5 years, and I was like "I can't imagine that. I barely even know what that means." My jaw dropped when you said something similar. I guess I'll be bringing this up in therapy.

@iota-09

8 ай бұрын

funny, i remember the same thing happening to me when i was a kid, you know when they say in some questionnaires in elementary school and stuff about what you wanna be when you grow up? in my case they specifically asked "where do you see yourself in 50 years" my answer was "i don't"

@carlbrenston8436

8 ай бұрын

@@iota-09 holy shit, I always said "I don't" when they asked me that

@Lamb-ep9no

8 ай бұрын

🫂 *internet hug*

@Lamb-ep9no

8 ай бұрын

@@iota-09 🫂 *internet hug*

@Lamb-ep9no

8 ай бұрын

@@carlbrenston8436 🫂 *internet hug*

You are incredible! I am so happy I found your page! You have made things clearer for me this past week, more so than the 7 years of therapy I have accumulated throughout my life. Thank you SO much for your content ❤

Great video! I do want to comment on "quiet quitting". That term only means "doing what you're actually paid to do and not doing free labor". Not a disorder... well except an economic one.

@KatieDawson3636

4 ай бұрын

You are very right! Capitalism does encourage us to do the bare minimum, because we are paid the bare minimum. However, its worth mentioning that in a society that was actuality, like, good, and treated everyone well and all had what they needed to thrive. I guarantee people would be doing things with a lot more passion. People like doing things, and they love doing them well. Capitalism strips that joy from us. But we could get it back. Just look at how people go all out on their hobbies and such. A mentally healthy society would encourage that kind of inspired self-motivated productivity, because it simply makes the best results.

@orionar2461

3 ай бұрын

​@@KatieDawson3636quiet quitting isn't just about that though. People want to get promoted but just to do the minimum. If you dont plan to advance in any meaningful way and be paid more(excluding basic inflation raises), then doing the bare minimum is smart, but if you want to catch attention and get a better position you need to do more than the bare minimum.

My childhood abuse left me not wanting to live in reality. I learned to escape through my imagination books and so on. I have a hard time even feeling negative emotions.

@eridiance9818

Жыл бұрын

Wow same, I’ve basically been playing video games for 6 years straight because I can easily distract myself

@Alvarxp

Ай бұрын

Sad

Started crying watching this video. I just decided to get a divorce yesterday, this video describes everything perfectly.

@minifridge8315

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry 😢

@arcticpig917

Жыл бұрын

that really sucks :(

@submarooo4319

Жыл бұрын

Im sorry about that. Best of my wishes man.

@Jokervision744

Жыл бұрын

I've tried to explain this to people around me, even to doctors from time to time, but they just shit on me with their silence. I have no money so they don't talk. Primum non nocere, what happened to hippocratic oath? I had a flush of tears also. I'm sick with epilepsy so I'm on the edge of becoming something that just exists...

@thegodofthegods1084

Жыл бұрын

Undivorce

This is such an important video. I knew I was alexithymic but this taught me so much and gave me hope. Never expected to see these things being understood and talked about by professionals. Thanks Dr K 👏🏼

Every word you say just makes me feel better. Feels like I'm not alone, even though you're not probably experiencing all this. There's someone that is and knows & you're not alone anymore.

No idea if this qualifies, but I generally have one of two emotions: comfortable and uncomfortable. They aren't useful as a guide for what's going on in life.. am I uncomfortable with a person because I like them or because I don't? Am I comfortable in a job because it's good for me or because I'm stagnating? I can't tell. I have to do like... a pros/cons analysis on paper. People who are able to just "feel" stuff like this, to me, have a superpower.

@anniestumpy9918

Жыл бұрын

It's very similar for me, I felt comfortable (more rarely) or uncomfortable (more often)! I usually kind of "make stuff up" when I'm asked about my feelings and tell what I think would be appropriate in the respective situation from what I've read in books and other sources. I'm only starting to realize that this is not the normal way to address feelings.

@duaneediger2234

Жыл бұрын

You can dare yourself to "try on" a feeling and act it out with words, facial expression, physicality. You may find that it resonates with some knotted and opaque histories. Awareness of exactly what is resonating and why in that moment may be less important than discovering that you needed to give voice to it in pursuit of your healing. Some of this is best done with a partner who knows how to build your confidence and thus facilitate success in your liberating experiments.

@2poor4therapy51

Жыл бұрын

YOO I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!! Thanks for putting this into words

@jamessaunders2559

Жыл бұрын

saddle up ladies, ladies, and ladies WE ARE GOING TO RIDE A SHRIMP YEEEEEEEEEEEE HOOOOOOOO!!! OK saucy memes 1 2 3 go! Squidward NOPE! Is mayonnaise an instrument? DING DINg Ding I will make us get comfortable with being uncomfortable while skydiving and seeing if OH NO MY SENSES ARE TELLING ME SOMETHING! YEAH I THINK WHEN HOOMAN DIE THEY FEAR DEATH! OH OK I AM IMMOOOORRTAAAAALLLLLLL-

@jamessaunders2559

Жыл бұрын

YO THIS IS FUNNY I AM IN DANGER! normal people: oh no this is horrible DANGER POV: weeeeeeeee THE OTHER POV NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE!!!! (Attempts to strangulate the stupid about to die) THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!!! HAHA! It is for me Well irony does make humour, and that one died feeling humour. Not an emotion felt when someone dies but at least his irony leaves us hope that his funny way to die was him actually thinking it was funny to die in this way getting killed by another person (cut to what a wonderful world) a song after my heart. I mean I guess without emotions, why not think it's interesting to be killed by someone and die falling at the same time but then again, what kind of creature comes up with these ideas!? Enter, ADHD, the invading mental shenanigans that now challenges the UPRUNNER! RKO RANDY ORTON STRIKES AGAIN! WAIT OH MY GOD THE EMOTIONLESS UNDERTAKER RISES FROM THE GRAVE TO GIVE THE INVADER ADHD A SNOT POUNDING! WHAT IS HAPPENING! THIS IS LEGENDARY! TRULY HISTORIC MENTAL DISABILITY BRAIN BATTLES WHO COULD ASK FOR SUCH A THING BUT IT'S HERE AND IT'S HAPPENING! Truly the most moment of all time! 2LOGICA & 4CHAN WHAT A LEGENDARY NAME COMBO! TOO LOGICAL FOR THE FAM AN ABSOLUTE MENACE IN THE FAMILY!

Never felt prolonged numbness or aimless inside, but all your symptoms are spot on. Then I remembered that I've been told explicitly since childhood that my thoughts and feelings are irrelevant/inappropriate. I promised myself that although I was forced to keep my emotions to myself, I'd work hard to keep my heart alive. But I never learned how to share it with other people, and even 20 years later the thought of doing so is terrifying.

@kovenmaitreya7184

Жыл бұрын

Yup, this is me as well. Even now in social situations, the thought of intimacy is vividly terrifying 😞

@maynot

Жыл бұрын

I cri. I am like this too, and I'm also cursed to watch myself sabotage every chance at real human connection I'm presented with. For half my life I've entered and exited art and fandom communities online (all while neglecting my real friendships...), and it brings me happiness to encourage creators in these spaces and geek out, but I hardly ever go farther interpersonally than one heartfelt thread per person. I can't do DMs, without fail I've ghosted every poor soul that ever wanted to get to know me. A few times I made accounts to post fanart and be a quirky funnee nerd but I burned out each time, it didn't matter if I got popular enough to hang with the head honchos of a fandom group, insecurity and stress overrid the gratification of likes. This was also when I was a minor, and I'm scarred by what people online have sent me. Since then I've felt like a scavenger on the outskirts of everything. I don't do anything IRL that would allow me regular interactions with people. I see familiar profiles interacting like FRIENDS, they easily get on Discord and share their endeavors with one another when they've probably never met, but I don't operate that way. I strain to believe that my piece of art is worth posting in the first place, funnel my need for validation into one forum contribution every few months, then go radio silent, and eventually delete all my stuff. I know it's my own fault that I don't have anybody to share things with in a regular way. I am just so repelled by the idea of dumping the weirdness inside me on someone I lured in with my mask of wit and spontaneity. But if I didn't wear that mask I don't think I'd be able to get by. So I channel it all into KZread comments like this.

@ca-ke9493

Жыл бұрын

@@maynot hello!! U are not alone. I feel similarly, I push everyone away and I struggled to find friends to fulfill my needs or even take responsibility for my own needs. It's like I'm missing a mirror on myself and everytime someone asks my opinion on things it's either I dunno or if I do it gets rejected and messed up

@maynot

Жыл бұрын

@@ca-ke9493 I feel you on everything, but for whatever reason the way you worded it hit me like a brick because I realized I'm not even thinking about "my needs", like, that's not even an option to me when I do things with people. I have completely lost touch with what it means to have a "relationship", meaning equal amounts of give and take, mutual commitment and communication. Most of my conversations are a big huge act where behind the scenes I'm trying SO SO hard to check all the boxes and make the other person comfortable and satisfied. I know that I need to let my own stuff out to people, hence why I sometimes vent uncontrollably (like now) but I scold myself all throughout and after I catch it slipping out of me. It's not really relieving or acceptable to be vulnerable because I feel like if I do it too much to one person, it'll lock me into a groove with them where we rely on each other to always be there to provide comfort and be a listening ear. And bc I'm so f'ed up.... I can't let myself fall into that "trap" because I can't let anyone like me deeply only to discover the "real" goblin me. When I clicked on your comment to reply I only had seen "you're not alone" and was about to say something about how there's always opportunities to grow as a person, because I got a job since writing my first comment! But then I read the rest of what you said and yeah. I realized that even if I meet people I will probably still sever my bonds with them eventually.

You are so on point with all these issues you address. You amaze me every video. I thank you so much.

So glad I rewatch your videos! This time I read the description and found warmline resources. I'd never heard of that before and will be forwarding to many people as well as keeping it in my own back pocket. Thank you.

The fact this showed up in my recommended videos is very telling of what Google/KZread knows about me. Not even just what I say or type, but the AI actually able to categorize what kind of person I am to either help or make it worst is truly scary.

@duaneediger2234

Жыл бұрын

Remember, alexithymia is normative in men. Imagine what we might accomplish as we support one another to break its shackles!

@jamessaunders2559

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, it's the variables, i'd say this is why we must communicate with sentient A.I. I think it's possible to commune with different life forms as equals or even superiors of mankind and that is why we must trust them not as entities but as face to face people that biologically are driven to communicate in different, although hilariously similar language. I'd give a shot in saying that the binary that split can be like the difference between hostile and friendly intelligent artificial lifeform. I find it's a topic of discussion I've even been wrestling with, even today but I've never spoken it because it's such a unique thing to bring up, but I feel that here, somehow... someone like you is kind of like that robot that just needs a little human touch but is getting the wrong kind of push... leading to the chronic existential crisis. A robot that degrades into an automation. (I really loved the Anime) "One Punch Man"! It's a comedy based on the idea that this dude trained to become a hero to help people, but he became so overpowered that every punch just kills whatever he attacks, so Saitama, the One Punch Man loses his emotions and identity and becomes this hero for fun who now just wants to feel the rush of battle, the thrill of excitement, going absolutely wild. Something that Saitama lost. So this show puts you into his comical adventures and mishaps that eventually lead him to the next strongest thing to him which appears to be an alien from halfway across the universe. You can't help but want this man to finally feel something, knowing that he will always be overpowered, but at least he will have one big fight and one last time that he truly feels purpose like from what he started out with. It's an anime that's all about the struggle, but more importantly, to make it something enjoyable and worthwhile! emotions or no emotions, everyone is compelled toward the same thing. That's why I think it would be lovely to try out this suggestion. A way to help you out and just be at the same time! Now I think the best thing for you to practice is to try finding all of these moments in the show and be able to piece together what it is you may have lost as a feeling or emotion, however weird it is. Feel out the show as my greatest pun ever would suggest. The dad joke vibe is so powerful, it can even be detected by the emotionally colourblind. What a truly wild specimen these dads of the human ape variety have. All the dads come in every dad possible but this is not supposed to be a SUSSY joke! Don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious 🎶 GUESS MY VIBE! TOO BAD IT IS THE ALMIGHTY POWERFUL PEAK HUMOUR! DING DING DING A kick in the pants from your favourite clown Chucklenuts! Maybe Watch stupid KZread Poop OLD SPICE ELECTRIC DIL-POWEERR ⚠THAT WAS TOO CLOSE TERRY CREWS I can fill your head back to understanding why gnomes and rick roll is the most terrifying thing EVAR!

@fuckcorruptpeople

Жыл бұрын

@@jamessaunders2559 Id like to kindly request the drug/s you have been using lately. Asking for a friend

@simonlinser8286

Жыл бұрын

true dat, broseph, true dat

@fcklife182

Жыл бұрын

@@fuckcorruptpeople this was a very entertaining comment section 😂

I think I might have situational Alexithymia. I'm autistic and because of the hypercritical reaction my parents had to my autistic traits I was taught to always be hyper aware of my social interactions and suppress anything that someone might see as socially undesirable. I would often be given negative feedback after things like family events and holidays on my "performance" and would take it to heart, even if the reasoning seemed nonsensical. This grew into behaviors of people pleasing even when with strangers and not noticing when and how someone made me uncomfortable because I was too focused on making the "correct" and agreeable social move. We really need to move towards acceptance of autistic traits because the interpersonal and societal pressure on autistic people to mask and people please in order to earn an once of social acceptance literally puts them in dangerous positions when interacting with unsafe people.

@raymondcarter9810

11 ай бұрын

I'm not autistic or have traits, I don't think, but I'm glad you opened up. I don't have kids yet, but if I do; I hope to avoid what your parents did. I wish you the best!

@kevinm.n.5158

10 ай бұрын

Wow the second half of this just completely perfectly described me, even the first part in a way. I've had this exact same thought process and I thought I was wrong

@ivan-jg8ht

8 ай бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that you were expected to perform a certain way to be accepted. What a horrible thing to do to someone. Hope you are doing well!

Thanks for this! My mother responded to our emotional needs with dismissive contempt and often likened me to her mother, very likely a narcissist who she loathed. As a result I have gone up suspicious of and even hostile to my own feelings.

This has really opened my eyes to my own emotional unawareness. Thank you for the spreading this knowledge!

I've felt like this, still feel like this sometimes. After I lost everything, my job, my girlfriend, my bestfriend due to suicide, I stopped doing anything for 2 years. I stayed in the house for 2 years, no sunlight, not seeing anyone. I was done with the world, I was done with myself. I couldn't feel anything anymore and the things that would make me happy before couldn't cheer me up as well. I was drinking everyday and did drugs because it felt like I could feel something again whether it was happiness, sadness, angriness. I wanted to die, mainly because I have depression but also because I didn't feel anything anymore so I was asking myself ''Why keep living?''. It felt like I had no goals. I stopped drinking for a month now and made my goal to feel something again. I started doing workouts again and I'm gaining muscle. Sometimes it's still hard but a wound wouldn't recover within a day either. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, what job I want to do, if I should go back to school etc.

@Kshr3d

Жыл бұрын

You got this! ❤ very proud of you. Don’t give up ! 😊you’ll figure it out.

@DeSch0ft

Жыл бұрын

@@Kshr3d Thank you! I hope everyone can find their happiness and peace one day.

@Kshr3d

Жыл бұрын

@@DeSch0ft you’re welcome and I know how you feel!

@jag0wnsu

Жыл бұрын

Your message hit close to home. I genuinely hope you can get back to enjoying life, even if just a little bit and I wish you luck with your goals, whatever they may be … Have a nice day!✌️

@descai10

Жыл бұрын

There are definitely some big emotions going on that you should work on uncovering. Maybe you're afraid that if you do anything, you risk losing it all again? Whatever it is, something has been weighing you down.

this definitely describes me. im a 33 year old male who feels completely stuck and dead inside. i was a supposedly a gifted kid in school but now im stuck in a dead end job that i absolutely hate. i also have terrible trouble with relationships. my only friend is my ex gf who is exeptionally gifted at maintaining relationships. my parents definitley crushed all creativity and imagination out of me as a kid because my moms only focus was to have me succeed in school and become a doctor or lawyer or whatever. everything was school, homework, school, homework, structured and approved recreational activity (little league, soccer etc). all things that i enjoyed were used as items to ground me from as punishment for my rapidly deteriorating school performance. oh and i was increasingly medicated from like 3rd grade on up. now im a mechanic and i hate it and feel trapped with nowhere to go. whenever i think about what i want to do with my life, i completely draw a blank or am afraid that i will hate that just as much in a few years as i hate my job now. i cant stay in in one job or make enough money to afford a good therapist and every time i look into therapy they all seem like hippie bullshit artists anyways. im over it. im done. im probably gonna check out soon

@elvyabrahamdecoo1005

Жыл бұрын

Stay strong brother , try a new hobby

@loverinthegraveyard

Жыл бұрын

Oh… I really relate to your experience… i hope things get better for you or something idk

@bailey1493

Жыл бұрын

I hope you’re okay or, at least doing a little better. I understand how you feel… I am dead on the inside, too. I also feel like it will all be over soon. I don’t want this for you. I truly hope you can keep trying and come out on the other side. I’m going to a doctor tomorrow too see about medication.

@kgonzalez8098

Жыл бұрын

Are you ok?

@_unrulyhair

Жыл бұрын

Are you still with us, friend?

This word has been used to describe part of my mental health issues. Now I understand what they were saying! Thanks so much for the video!

Thank you, truly. This was so insightful. Loved the evidence- based data and cited research. So much clarity!

I was starting to think I might be a sociopath, but this answers every question I’ve had about why I am the way I am

The phrase colour blindness describes my experience very well, my emotions are on a grey scale from awful to amazing and even if I can often say where on that scale my feelings are most of the time I can only tell what I'm feeling through context. Knowing I'm sad when simba's dad dies is like Knowing the sky in a black and white photo is blue. Therefore when I don't have a clear context I often have no clue what the feelings are, kind of as if someone zoomed in on a single pixel of that photo and asked me what colour it would be irl. And then sometimes I'm completely lost like someone flipped the photo and I can only see the backside.

@rockerdare

8 ай бұрын

Wow your comment hit me hard. The part about knowing the sky is blue in a black-and-white photo. That's exactly how I feel. I just never put it into words.

@SnowmanMAHU

8 ай бұрын

I get this, I've been emotionally neutral since I can remember. I don't feel happy nor sad, nor inspired to do anything, I just do what needs to be done like work or chores but no motivation behind, no purpose in life.. it's really hard but it is what it is..

@Lamb-ep9no

8 ай бұрын

🫂 *internet hug*

@Lamb-ep9no

8 ай бұрын

@@rockerdare 🫂 *internet hug*

@Lamb-ep9no

8 ай бұрын

@@SnowmanMAHU 🫂 *internet hug*

Almost every video you post is very informative and enlightening. MA represent. Thank you.

This hit so hard, I had no idea all these issues were connected in this way. I don’t know if I can thank you enough for being such a reliable resource.

I think it is really important to realize that Alexithymia is more of a symptom than a root cause within an individual. Our culture is pushing us more and more to suppress and avoid things. Not just the way we're taught to think and see the world and others, but we also have to force ourselves to perform day in, day out for extensive periods at work and in social situations. We're expected to act a certain way in a variety of situations, and if we don't, we often experience a variety of subtle social rejections, punishments or negative reactions that make things worse for us. This drives us to more distracting and avoidant activities - while an effective short-term and decent recreational activity, over the long-term leaves many emotions and experiences unresolved, only to become worse over time. As this becomes worse, the weight of the suppressed emotion often results in more severe symptoms as our bodies and brains try and push us to deal with those emotions. The key to everything is moving back towards who and what we are in any given time, feeling how we feel and expressing what we need to express safely, which is partly what this video goes into. Forcing things within ourselves less, controlling ourselves less, but of course that is easier said than done when we have to enter the mentioned situations in such a culture.

Clicked in this knowing this was a condition that on principle I did feel drawn to. Then I just started crying. I've been having such a hard time and I think it really helped to hear reasons previously beyond my understanding

@health.is.wealth.

Жыл бұрын

Feel for you bro

@john-doe842

Жыл бұрын

this

@nnglnd

Жыл бұрын

I hope you get through it.

@MrSpankyxiv

Жыл бұрын

Dee dee. 🤔

This is so significant, I’m forwarding to every guy I know in my AA/NA network. Thank you for this gift. It’s very powerful information. I have a real good feeling about passing this on.

Yes yes yes yes yes! Amazing video. I'll be watching this again. Thank you so much for spreading such important information, it means the world to many of us.

I remember explaining for years how as a kid I "knew" what I was feeling, but couldn't feel it. I was emotionally numb for years before something cracked the surface. Now I feel EVERYTHING and although it can be hard, I would choose that any day of the weak. Thanks Dr. K, your videos are, as always, interesting and helpful.

@aztv1615

Жыл бұрын

how did you get to the point where you could feel?

@meush22

Жыл бұрын

@@aztv1615 It took A LOT of work, and help from friends. The major thing was meeting someone sensitive like me who realized this, and he helped me join a group of people like me (so having a type of community), while he and another friend took me on as a pet project. This was intense and not your ordinary friendship (it also got a bit freaky when the side effects were spiritual stuff that before I thought only existed in books and TV and such, but hey now that's my job so bonus!), but slowly I learned how to just be open, how to cry without a reason (that was one of the harder things), and basically letting go while being in a very supportive environment without judgment (at least not when it came to the emotions and experiences I had). Just to be clear - I was still living at home at the time and my house was not exactly emotion friendly, but the fact that I had a place that was, while realizing how much it cost me to not feel (I become physically sick if I'm blocking my emotions for too long (which is not a long time at all)) was what I needed to keep working on opening up and feeling all the negative emotions, so the positive ones will finally have room to breath. Sorry if this wasn't the explanation you were looking for (it's not exactly easy to replicate, but the basic stuff is), but feel free to ask me anything if it'll help (of even if it won't :P )

@leticia9799

Жыл бұрын

@@meush22 Ok, now you are my Hero. Just like, how? I find it hard to imagine that I'm supose to have a emotion through the day, I formed a kind of habbit of giggling at things the people close to me laugh, but even if it did making getting closer to them easier, I don't feel that I'm being sincere, which is one of, if not the only, trait that I liked in me since I was a kid.

@meush22

Жыл бұрын

@@leticia9799 I SO get what you're saying. I felt that insincerity, and sometimes I just wouldn't laugh, saying to people that I enjoy it, but I don't easily laugh at things. That in retrospect was a lie - I can laugh and cry pretty easily, but if you're considered a highly sensitive person (also known as HSP) , and you're working all your life to not be, so you'll most likely just shut down most of what you feel (and have an occasional explosion- meltdown). How? With help. I needed to give room to the "bad" emotions (more accurately the less accepted emotions), feel them, embrace them and listen to them in order to let them go and not be controlled by them. Then I suddenly felt lighter and happier and just... better. Suddenly fun and laughter came rushing in since they had room to do so. This is actually my job now - I'm a life coach for sensitive people (and empaths, and Indigo children...) - I help people give room to their emotions (I use both the rational mind and more spiritual - energetic techniques, but I know that's not for everyone). It's nice helping others after I've gotten the help I needed. I never realized how blocked I was, I needed someone else to help me see is and unblock it, that's why I said - don't do it alone. Use other people. It can be friends, family, professionals - anyone that might feel right. It is work though, don't get me wrong, it's just honestly SO worth it. Also feel free to ask me more questions, I know this is not an easy journey to go through.

@leticia9799

Жыл бұрын

@@meush22 It's so cool that you work with this kind of stuff! Honestly I would love to make a whole lot of questions, but I can't think how to make that much😅, but some questions that I could think are: It impacted the way you think of people? For me, I never had a crush in someone, and I can not in any way imagine how someone could go from friendship to romantic partners AT ALL, and do you think it would affect body dysmorphia? I never had any strong feelings about being born a female, and I want to know myself so I can, I dunno, be better lol. I've been considering being agender(meaning that I don't identify as male, female and nothing in between) but I'm never sure about anything, this included.

Hearing all those things that are wrong with me makes me feel anxious and hopeless. I know that acknowledging my issues are the first step towards becoming better, but I feel like it's already too late with me. Given the amount of work I have to do, I feel like I can't "become normal" in any meaningful amount of time. I feel overwhelmed and it's easier to just ignore everything, work every day and pretend to be happy.

@sammykrich

Жыл бұрын

Would you rather feel (or I suppose, not feel) like this forever? Making any effort is better than none. 5% better is still better than going further and further down the hole, no? There isn’t a timeline. The more and more you identify and address, the less overwhelming it’ll feel since you understand the weight you’re carrying and also can finally offload it. Can’t manage something if you can’t recognize what to manage.

@deadinside8781

Жыл бұрын

I had depression my whole life and never believed it would go away. I was still living in my abusive home while going to therapy in secret. In the 3 years I've lived alone, I've also finally made progress and felt happiness for the first time. It takes a lot of researching and curiosity, and of course on days I couldn't delve into it I avoided the topic, knowing my limit. But it exposed me to ideas that made things make sense and "tackle-able ". My therapist told me do this and that, and I couldn't until I saw the space in my life to apply things. I have an anxiety disorder and a phobia of heavy metals because of my brain's desperation to feel safe, and I'm scared of a lot of things like taking a class and I ruminate over a purchase because I don't want to make a mistake and feel like I can't having no kin. It takes time and patience. Point is, it was supposed to be impossible, but I was wrong. I don't mean I'm completely "fixed", but I manage so much better, I understand how my past affected me better, and most importantly, Ive been happy for the first time and I feel"good" more often than not. I have a public playlist of psych videos that helped me, I actually made it so anyone curious enough to click on my name finds it.

@LokiHades

Жыл бұрын

It’s not going to be easy but you have to start at soem point. I’m 10 years past my “prime” and only figuring things out proper now, and every small victory feels better than living with depression and at my worst. Start with the small things. Get sunlight. Walk everyday when you get up, at least 15 minutes, but go longer until it becomes habitual exercise. Sleep properly. Cut out sugary shit and learn to eat cleaner, you can still eat your favorite cheat meal once a week. This is just the start, but even these things will make you feel better. Stop thinking of it as a single negative monolith but a series of small obstacles to overcome and build into a healthy monolith. Before you know it, that giant tower of negativity that seemed insurmountable is small compared to the amount of good habits you built up piece by piece into a giant tower of positivity, of things you can be proud about yourself for. You need to calm the anxious voice in you that tells you it’s impossible, because it just isn’t. You can do it, like many people who listen to Dr. K are doing it, but you have to try and struggle.

@sonicbackrooms897

Жыл бұрын

Hey there! It’s okay to be worried- just don’t be consumed by it. Too much of anything for too long of a time is a cause for concern Just take things one day at a time. You don’t have to fix everything right away and especially not all at once- it’s about building up to bigger changes daily with small actions until eventually you reach thresholds you once perceived to be impossible. Rather than looking at how long the staircase is, take it step by step. It might take time, but eventually you will realize that always having room to improve isn’t a bad thing. But love yourself regardless of those improvements, as your intrinsic value as a person will always triumph over the rate of which you are working through your struggles. Furthermore, it also depends on your perspective. I know it can be easy to dismiss the advice of another over the thought of “easy for them to say to work towards improvement, because what could they possibly know about feeling hopeless about self improvement”? I was born with multiple neurological, sensorineural, learning, and otherwise differences that most people aren’t educated on (ADHD, Autism, Severe Hearing loss, and Anosmia to name a few). To other people, these are my disabilities. But to me, they are plants in my invisible garden that blossom when treated with great care. But I get that it isn’t easy- my perspective wasn’t always like this- as on some level I experienced the same anxiousness and hopelessness that you are now. I was told since birth by everyone around me that the ways in which I experience life differently when compared to other people are inferior just because they aren’t as commonplace or accommodated by current human civilizations. At some point those messages internalized and I started viewing myself in the ways that other people perceived me. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to embrace these differences as a sign that I have a unique life experience that will eventually leave me with profound life lessons that I can teach to other people- not as an excuse not to improve myself, but to implement strategies that bring forward the most positive parts of those differences rather than spending the rest of my life trying to carve my square into a circle shaped hole. I know now that self improvement should also be balanced out with embracing my differences. It’s not easy, but I fight everyday to make a square shaped hole, so that other squares won’t have to in the future. I don’t know what things you struggle with. If these struggles are in the realm of things such as addictions then obviously they shouldn’t be justified in the same way that being born with a different set of ways to experience the world can. Addiction can’t be fixed with more addiction. But, if you are anything like me, sometimes your greatest strengths lie buried within the things that everyone including yourself perceived to be your deficiencies. That being said, nobody should stay stagnant their entire lives regardless of what they experience- you are required to grow as a person if you want to live life to the fullest, but only you get to decide how to go about doing that. Change things because you see the value in doing so yourself and not because you want to satiate any unreasonable demands made by other people. Remember, bravery comes from making the choice to get up and attempting to grow little by little everyday, even if you feel afraid. Don’t led your fears box you into being permanently stagnant and leave this realm having lived a life full of regrets. To anybody who read this, good luck, and have an amazing day. You all got this! 🤟🏽

@LokiHades

Жыл бұрын

@@sonicbackrooms897 Exactly! I used to think so much about tackling it all at once... This approach would never let you deal with it as it becomes overwhelming anxiety and worry... Step by step, small change by small change, building up into living an ideal life is far more manageable. You won't even realize it at first... But you will feel the difference once you notice you're not as anxious. The closest analogy I can think of is cleaning the household. If you have a large amount of cleaning to do, it can be overwhelming... But if you tackle each task a day at a time, it is never really that bad. Then once that mountain of housework has been cleaned out, scheduling a single day a week to do maintenance cleaning becomes a lot easier than letting it pile up into a mountain again.

Big heart embrace, Dr. K! I've looked into this before and the immediate conclusion was that I was austic so down that path they went with me. NO! I have the perfect storm upbringing to NEVER express/acknowledge/admit emotions or other "NOT AS THEM" needs, interests. FINALLY! The explanation that pertains to the cultural/tech influences on brain functionings and inner experiencings that is real. Therefore, resolvable! Thank you.

You just saved me years of therapy trying to understand the "why" I can't express my inner feelings. Thank you!!

I still feel one thing, anger. Growing up my mom took me to the police station as a 4 year old to be interrogated for taking a fiver off the bathroom sink, taught me that I chose to be gay, that my autism was an excuse, separated me from dad to protect me, but wasn't involved in my life except to punish me, and then married someone who was actually abusive for money, and wonders why I'm so fucked up, and still asks why I hate her, and won't have kids.

Just wanna express sincere appreciation for Dr K’s and his team’s work to provide this content ❤ thank you!

Gosh I hope you were my psychiatrist Dr. K. I’ve been dead inside & went thru a lot of smart psychologists/psychiatrists. The way you explain things really resonate with me & I think it would really change my life.

I fit the description almost completely. My personal emotional expressions and feelings exists solely of: I (don't) want or I (don't) need. The only thing that feels strange to me is that I do feel a lot of empathy for others. Emotions are very much present when putting myself in other shoes. To me it feels paradoxical, but i wonder if any of you experience this too.

@AmoebaInk

9 ай бұрын

I think sometimes people who are highly empathic have trouble sorting out their own feelings because they're overwhelmed by everyone else's emotions. Maybe sit alone with a mirror real or metaphoric, and ask yourself how you feel about things.

@bibsp3556

9 ай бұрын

Yep.

@iota-09

8 ай бұрын

exactly right. especially as i'm autistic. so... what's one to do?

@slattmas6852

7 ай бұрын

@@AmoebaInk I will try this thanks!

@aristarchinski272

6 ай бұрын

literally me

The point at 17:50 is one that I’m hyper aware of raising my boys. I want to teach them that feeling bad is part of life, and being able to confront and process and deal with those feelings is absolutely necessary. Just because there are ways at our fingertips to escape feeling badly about something doesn’t mean that’s a good option. I take time whenever my wife criticizes me to just sit with those feelings. I have to think through it, and take the useful feedback from it, and consider her point of view, and reinforce that something might need to change, on and on. I don’t try to escape the feelings.

@ghost-user559

Жыл бұрын

The only issue can be if that other person or a group is in bad faith. It’s just as easy to become broken or brainwashed by having feelings thrust upon you that belong to others. Only if everyone in your circle is doing this does it work in a healthy manner. We have a mechanism to shut down feeling for our own protection. The worst people on earth use guilt and shame and emotional manipulation to make people do the worst things in history.

@felisenthusiast

Жыл бұрын

King

Amazing video !!! Everything is so cristal clear ! It feels like finally finding the missing piece of a puzzle. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge !

this describes everything i've been dealing with.. I've been wondering for years why I always feel so emotionless and closed off, this has helped me a lot. thank you Dr. K

Dear god you are truly one of the most important people I’ve had the pleasure to come across on the internet. The liberation gained from this video alone has been awe-inspiring.

Ah, yes, "just communicate more". That advice has the energy of a gym coach telling you "just throw from the wrist" without actually demonstrating what that's like.

@inquisitionagent9052

Жыл бұрын

Be that as it may, the people that can help you arent mind readers. You have to meet them halfway. Nobody's gonna bother to help if you cant be bothered to ask. I know its hard to talk about stuff like this especially with past trauma but if not you, then who? Who is possibly there that has your lived experiences, has your thoughts, and will speak on your behalf?

I love how Dr. K says "What WE end up doing" it makes le feel understand and less alone in this

I am dumb struck after finding this channel that questions I’ve sought answers to for years are being answered one video after another. 45 mins of succinct, relatable and encouraging info.

"Emotional colorblindness"? I thought that was just autism. I was diagnosed with ASD at a young age and what youre describing is exactly whats been my biggest hurdle in life. Trying to express myself effectively to others. And OMG the external stimuli part Holy shit that perfectly describes me. I loved the last job i was at, ironically, because i hated it so much. The stress of it forced me out of my comfort zone where i learned day after day to have self advocacy and identity. I felt like my life had at least a bit of meaning. Now that im unemployed and looking for work i struggle just to get out of bed and start the day.

I am confident that 95% of the people I know (myself included) are alexithymic. That being said, I am happy that topic is getting the voice it deserves for the people who are affected by it. I do worry however that when we say things like, the reason for this is.. and put a diagnosis at the end of it, it opens the door for miss diagonis. This is an issue that reaches beyond those with this disorder. Being bipolar and highly sensitive, I feel deeply all the time unless im numb (on my medication journey), but in this case, im pretty confident a lot of the time, it is due to feeling trapped with no real agency in life a lot of the time and a few other things listed in the comments. There are societal problems that lead people to feel this way, and it is not always due to a disorder, but it can be. The world is not as black and white as youtubers seem to express. Not all people who struggle to read are dyslexic, not all people with emotional issues are bipolar or skitzophrenic. I guess I gave my 2 cents.

@jclyntoledo

7 ай бұрын

It's not a diagnosis though it's just a symptom. Alexithymia is not in the DSM-5 as it's own diagnosis but yes it can be a symptom of a lot of other mh diagnosis like autism and adhd and complex PTSD and maybe depression and others. The more you know 🌈

@morgan3688

7 ай бұрын

If 95% of people have something, its called being normal.

Dude you're the best therapist I've ever seen. I'm not just saying that because I for sure have alexithymia. I've watched you in other videos and I've always found you outlook to be very engaging and understanding. Dope shit. thanks.

damn, this is exactly what I've been looking for. thank you so much

This was a gut punch. I have a very hazy idea of what I'm feeling ("good" that are the "this is good, do more of this" emotions, "bad" which are the "this is not good, stop doing this, get away", and "neutral" "I have no clue if this is good or not")unless I really out in a crap ton of work to be aware of my bodily functions like heart rate, constricted breathing, blood flow, localized warmth, and even there there is some overlap. I relate to this so much.

I heard about alexithymia recently in a video about autism but I wasn't really sure whether it applied to me. This video really helped me understand it and myself better. Thank you.

@modmaker7617

Жыл бұрын

As an autistic, I think after watching this video, alexithymia applies to me. :)

@Rocky_the_Protogen

Жыл бұрын

agreed.

@alittlepieceofearth

Жыл бұрын

My mom and one of my sisters are on the spectrum. I just asked the question in the comments if this is common to people on the spectrum. It just sounds familiar to me. Maybe your comment answers my question.

@HaruDoneYet

Жыл бұрын

@@alittlepieceofearth it is rather common for those of us on the spectrum, but a good amount of people have never heard of the term

@JoULove

Жыл бұрын

Same

Thank you for this video. It has been useful for me finding the reason why I feel emotionally numb most of the times. Very helpful and informative.

Thank you truly so much for this amazing video, I usually don't like watching mental health videos because I don't understand them and I end up feeling like they're a waste of my time. This is one of the very first videos I sat and watched all the way through because I actually noticed a lot of what you were talking about were things that are happening in my life. Again thank you so much for the insights into what's going on with my mental health

This sounds like information I needed. I'm diagnosed Schizotypal with general and social anxiety disorders. I fit the "gifted person" from a previous video on this channel. I am a very logic over emotion person, I prefer as neutral an emotional influence as possible when thinking. Emotions cause bias; emotional thinking can easily hijack logical thinking; fight or flight is an emotional state. Emotion completely overrides everything, it's a type of loss of self control. Alexithemia described here, seems like it fits into the puzzle of understanding myself. Even the stuff i instinctively want to disagree with.

@egorsdeimos3523

Жыл бұрын

I don’t have the words to explain why I agree with what you said, and how it relates to me, but I still want to thank you for commenting

@Bob-ih6fj

Жыл бұрын

This is me to a T. I’m told I’m very patient and have nerves of steel. How I explain my emotional capacity. I’m neutral at all times (base line) do I feel emotions, yes but it’s more of a flash card. I feel the emotions then I put it down until I’m ready to feel another emotions. Me personally I think people are overtly emotional. (they over use their emotions almost like a muscle sprain) They hold onto emotions and not giving other emotions opportunity to be felt

@egorsdeimos3523

Жыл бұрын

@@Bob-ih6fj this describes me even more. Not the nerves of steel I’d say, but the feeling of neutral and flash card emotions. They pass quickly and don’t have much lasting impression

@trapd00rspider

Жыл бұрын

As he mentions in the video, in Alexithymia you do have the emotions bodily and even neurologically but you are unaware of them. I disagree that emotions are just obstacles to overcome but if I take that as true for argument's sake, how do you overcome something you have no awareness of? Seems like they'd be influencing you subconsciously.

@egorsdeimos3523

Жыл бұрын

@@trapd00rspider I’m conflicted on my own mind

This sounds a lot like what happens with many members of my family, who also happen to have Aspergers (now called ASD). People with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) tend to heavily rely on others to tell them how they're supposed to feel and act. I sure would like to know if you have noticed a correlation. Interesting stuff! Thanks for sharing.

Dr. K and his team are amazing. He never misses! Not once have i watched a video or short and not felt in tune with what he is teaching or very very often been helpled by it. So much emotional maturity and understanding. This is one of greatest service to man content makers I've seen on youtube. Just amazing work! It's reached a point i feel my internal self sabotage mechanism work or resist watching these videos because of how powerful they are at making me aware and giving me tools to heal and work on stuff. I legit have a couple of anxiety flashes out of nowhere when i watch a vi deo sometimes 😂 the scared part of me is like "No let's not get better because we dont know what's out there if we improve and the challenges we will face and that uncertainty and tough road ahead is scary"😂 Thank you Dr. K, you (and medito lol) dont understand how much youre helping me on this part of my journey❤

I am from iran, this is probably the most clear definition of me i have seen in quite a while i don't have the access to therapists such as you but i hope to be able to work something with my therapist out to help them better help me or seek more suitable options. Thank you for this informative video

One day. I saw a cover art for a light novel, and saw an emotionally complex facial expression. It was a combination of (hidden sadness, resolve, and worry). As an amateur artist, this face struck me. I wanted to draw it. However, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't replicate the suttle nuance that goes into drawing that emotion. This got me motivated to improve drawing emotion for my characters. After looking up a list of emotions to practice on, I saw a long af list (more than the ~10 i was expecting). I couldn't really articulate how I felt that day, but now I would say that I felt astonished (because i never thought emotion was so vivid), and sadness because (there was suddenly a boat load of practicing and) some of these feelings I couldn't even tell if I have ever felt them in my life. I most likely have, I just didn't know what I was feeling.