I watch this video like three times a day, it’s exactly what I need to hear every time

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Nick, wow, that's awesome! I'm really glad it's helping.

I love your quote about poison. Forgiveness is for yourself, not for her. Do not think that, just because you forgave he, you should reconcile on any level or allow this person back in your life. She is a stranger now.

Thank you. Divorce is the most brutal thing I have ever experienced and I lost both of my parents. This is worse. What you say makes a lot of sense, but implementing it is a completely different story. It helps to just hear the words and know that I have something to work on.

Your videos have not only saved me, but also helped me to move on and better myself and I appreciate your channel

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Brandon, that's wonderful! I'm thrilled that you've found them so helpful. If you'd like to go a little deeper into all of these topics, please come join me on Wednesday (12.14.2022) - I'm hosting a live, free webinar training on this called "Take Back Control of Your Life After Divorce". We'll go into deeper detail on executing these things, and there will be a Q & A section at the end. You can register here: rcsloan87.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationcxmo090

When you said the resentment is me hiding from my guilt it made so much sense. I have a lot of pain/shame around what did I do, what didn't I do that made him leave. Also how that rejection makes me feel. I feel so stuck 😪 like why can't I just accept what is and not focus on how/why it happened?

As always your words bring insight and comfort.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for such a kind comment. I'm glad that you're finding my videos helpful, and I greatly appreciate you watching.

I've had to listen to this over and over or each time it shows up. Still so true.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

It warms my heart to hear that this video has been helpful. Thanks for watching.

Your right , Divorce is so brutal. This is the worst experience in my life . These videos help , but help is only 50% we must do the other 50% ourselves. Come on guys keep fighting .

Thank you, just thank you, your content has helped me more than you can imagine

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Timothy, for watching and commenting. I'm really glad that the videos have been helpful!

HI Rachael. Wow, you speak very clearly and succinctly and it is a huge help. Like a lot of the other people commenting I have anger to deal with but I realise I have to start addressing the issues that I have been ignoring for some time and process. Great job and keep it up. It is appreciated.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Shaun, thanks for watching and for your kind words. I'm really glad that you found this video helpful. What have you found useful so far in processing your anger? If you're up for sharing any of that experience, I'd love to know more about what works for you!

Fascinating. Thanks for

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

3 ай бұрын

You're welcome. Thanks for watching.

Thank you, for your words. I will try to forgive and move on.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

You're very welcome. Thank you for watching.

Love this. Forgiveness leads to closure.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

And yet it's not always the easiest thing to achieve! Thanks for watching, David, I'm glad you enjoyed this video.

Hey 👋 Rachel, please advice how to stop ✋️ overthinking in general ??

Amazing!

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Greg, I'm glad you found it useful!

Thank you so much!

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

7 ай бұрын

You're welcome! Thank you for watching.

Forgiveness? Can’t I get over this another way? I don’t know if I’m capable of forgiveness after all the bad she did to me

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Ron. I hear you. Forgiveness can feel impossible after someone's really harmed us. It can feel like you've earned the right to be angry and to feel resentful, because, frankly, you have! But those emotions aren't affecting your ex wife. They're affecting you. And as long as you stay there, she's still got the power to hurt you further. She might have put you through hell during the divorce (and perhaps before). Are you going to let her make the rest of your life hell too? Because that's exactly what anger and resentment are allowing to happen. You could think of it in terms of acceptance instead of forgiveness if that helps you. But as long as you struggle to accept what happened and as long as you're resenting her for it, you're keeping the bad she did alive in your own life.

@1969bogdi

2 жыл бұрын

“psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. ... Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses.” …. Also, a direct synonym of “forgive” is “excuse”…. Do you see the contradiction here? (The first definition states: “. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or EXCUSING offenses.” I will try ACCEPTANCE rather than forgive… after all, we are not God, we are humans…

@ookiee1

2 жыл бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach but how?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

@Ron Well, it's not complicated, but it does take work. There isn't just a single "thing" you can do to feel forgiveness. But there are steps you can take, systematically, one by one, to get there. It's like solving any big problem, whether that's overcoming self-doubt, finding forgiveness or creating healthier relationships. You've got to break it down into manageable, bite sized pieces. I've been helping my coaching clients do that for the last two years, and some patterns have emerged, so now I have a clear process I follow with each of them. I'm going to give you the steps of that process below, but I have to warn you - this isn't an overnight process. Each step has a set of tools and exercises that goes with it, and it takes a fair amount of self-inquiry, reflection and intentional practice to move from one step to the next. If you'd like to learn how, specifically, to do this work and apply it to your situation, please book a consultation call with me. The Better Beyond Divorce Process: Step 1: Learn to confidently regulate your emotions. Step 2: Restore your faith in yourself. Step 3: Make peace with the past (this is where the forgiveness piece comes in, but you can't skip here... you've got to go through the first two steps before it's really possible to make peace with the past) Step 4: Take ownership of your future. Step 5: Master communication that connects. Step 6: Enjoy authentic relationships. I know this isn't enough detail. I wish there were a quick way to give you your answer! If you work through these steps, you'll get there. If you want to know how, precisely, to do that and what tools you need, I'd be happy to talk to you. You can book a call in my calendar here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy

@ookiee1

2 жыл бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach thank you

I'm glad I listened to you. What you are saying is true. Tried to work out the marriage with her. But she was done. I am resenting her. But I do need to forgive for myself.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

It can be so hard to move on when she moved on before you had a chance to work things through. That resentment can be hard to move past because it often feels like the only alternative is to blame yourself and live with regret. If you'd like any help or support as you do the work to forgive yourself and move on, please don't hesitate to reach out. I offer a free consultation which you can schedule here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy

Wow this was helpful. I had a lot of negative thoughts and it was just resentment. How could I forgive her infidelity? Then I realized I can forgive the thinking not the actions. It felt so freeing afterwards. Like a huge weight off my shoulders.

Thank you, what you say is so true, I can see her copying her parents way of handling things. Which I can't understand because for 22 years she complained to me and all our friends regarding her family being toxic, yet she became them.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Thank you for watching and commenting. It's such a tragedy that we humans tend to repeat the dysfunctional cycles we were raised in. It takes a lot of self awareness and courage to look inward and break those patterns, and many people simply have no idea that it's possible (or that they're actually becoming their parents!). I'm sorry that you've had that experience with your partner/ex-partner. How are you doing yourself as you work towards moving on?

Hello Rachael, can I get tool or worksheet to work with resentment and forgive my ex girlfriend?

Moving past resentment is a challenge when she continues to hurt you. She is very controlling and hard to co-parent with. It's hard to put things in the past when she continues to be difficult in the present.

Resentment is better than hurt

Any resentment you carry is poison to your next relationship. She will sense it and push you away. You don't have to agree with what she did, but you have to forgive and lose the resentment and guilt.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

I agree completely Aaron. One of my favorite quotes- ‘resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die’

My wife says she resents me for years of being emotionally and intimately distant. I was on antidepressants for most of marriage but have been off them for 4 months and feel renewed attraction and drive to be with her, like a blindfold has been removed, but she says she can't get past it. Is it even possible or should I just accept the divorce she is levying on me?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

This question, unfortunately, is one that only you and your wife can answer. It really depends on where you both are and how willing you both are to do the work necessary to overcome the hurt from the past. Is your wife willing to consider any kind of couples' counseling? If she is, I would strongly recommend looking for and EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) certified therapist. EFT is the most highly researched and statistically effective couples therapy out there. If there is a chance to save your marriage, EFT counseling will give you the best shot at doing it.

It's just really hurts. Painful.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Rich, you're right. The pain can be overwhelming and unbearable. Do you have some good support and resources to help you get through the pain?

My ex should watch this her resentment pushed her to end our marriage.

I am 2 months living on my own. My 25 year old daughter and wife kicked me out. How long does this take to move on?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

5 ай бұрын

I wish I could give you a concrete timeline, but from what I've seen there really isn't one. It doesn't seem to be the amount of time that matters, but rather what you do with the time. I've seen men move on and into healthy new relationships just 6 months after, and others who stayed stuck for over 10 years. I would recommend using your time wisely, so you can be in the former group. If you're not sure where to start, check out my free masterclass. It will give you a good roadmap for where to focus to maximize the time and heal as efficiently as possible: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register

geez lets see just flip the switch thats it

My ex woke me up at midnight and says "I want a divorce " and wouldn't talk to me at all. I didn't cheat I never yelled or had a bad argument. I did all the housework even when I worked two full-time jobs. I would have done anything for her.. I loved her more than life and I have never gotten closing or even tried to move on after. She left me in a state of suicidal misery until I die probably wanted me to go that way, I regret not ending my life that night.

@steviemadlock1426

21 күн бұрын

Keep fighting brother! im going thru the same thing my wife left me filed the papers and our only conversation is her begging me to sign them! this is one of the hardest things ive done in my life! i check her social media and she has tons of new guys. Keep fighting and dont give up brother

2 years later I still feel disgust and anger towards my last partner. I feel that if I forgive I will let the possibility the abuse to happen to me again. So I kinda keep my gard up to save myself from the damage that have been done to me. It also feels if I forgive it is almost as if would agree with what he has done.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Alia, you have some really good awareness of what is happening within your brain - forgiveness feels dangerous. You don't want to be in a position where you can be abused again. Before you think about forgiveness, you may find it really helpful to work with an EFT or somatic therapist. They can help you process the hurt from that abuse on the level of your nervous system, where a lot of the pain gets stored. As you heal that system, I think you'll find that you can begin to trust yourself to set healthy boundaries and remove yourself from harmful situations without needing to hold on to anger and disgust... which ultimately are things YOU have to feel and which can detract from your wellbeing. Psychology Today has a great search engine to find local therapists. You can choose the type - Somatic or Emotionally Focused would be the two options I would recommend. You can find it here: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists Thank you for watching and for commenting. I hope you find your peace and happiness. He shouldn't get to influence your happiness anymore.

This video is the signpost pointing the way back to the daylight. Re. my ex wife: She is indeed just another person with a mixture of experiences, making her way through life and resentment is just a sugary drink that tastes good but is only doing me harm.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Kevin, thanks for watching and for commenting. This can be a hard concept to swallow when you've been badly hurt, but it does provide a very simple, compassionate and clear path forward into healing and the next phase of your life. I'm glad you're feeling ready to explore this perspective.

Spoken exactly like a woman… It’s not a matter of that. It’s not about forgiving or not forgiving. Most men are just flat out indifferent after passage of time and just want no contact. Men just want to be left alone so we can move on and just get on with life. Living in resentment is not in the male form. We get knocked down. We get up and dust ourselves off. We get on with life. What keeps men caught in the vicious cycle is a lot of times an ex wife that is still constantly up. Our. Asses. We just want to be left alone.

Hi Rachel. How do I connect with you to do some one on one coaching ?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Bob, you can email me at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com. I don't offer ala carte 1:1 coaching, but I do one on one work with clients who are part of my coaching program, Better Beyond Divorce. After working with many clients both strictly one on one and within the program I've found that the latter group gets much better results, and achieves them more quickly. If you reach out by email I'll be happy to schedule a consultation call with you and we can discuss your specific situation and the details of how coaching with me works.

A lot of divorced men can relate easily to the first part of the clip. To me, the resentment stays latent very often because of betrayal and those moments of disrespect that he ignored or hadn't solid proof for. He hangs to the hope of going back in time to relive these exact situations, with the same person, and act as he should've. He learned, but he wants to apply that with THAT person, not in the future "maybe"! he holds to some fatasies like his ex-wife coming to apologize... He might discover some details afterwards (cheating for example), so he sould admit that he'll never have THIS conversation, and in some form, she got away with it. He might even start to think everything was fake till doubting every moment that seemed genuine.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. You did an excellent job of capturing what the experience that a lot of my clients have as well. I find that having a clear framework for understanding both your own and your ex's actions is the most valuable tool for finding forgiveness (for yourself and her) so you can make peace with the past and move forward with your life.

She was abused so was I and my childhood I was abused by my brother and bubble up with all kinds of emotion I've been divorced since 1997 I'm 63 I've been reading poultry about my hurt and songs I have forgiven her but as a Christian I pray for her her mental health he is a she has a clear spirit but yet I'm proud I'm still mad but things are coming to pass it upsets me because she told my daughter lies but I'm trying to overcome those lies and put the past behind me so I can move on cuz it's killing me I'm supposed to be a spiritual person

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi David, thank you for sharing a little bit of your story here. I can see that you're carrying a lot of pain from childhood, and that the emotions are still quite distressing, both from childhood and from the divorce. When you have time, please watch this free Masterclass: How to Take Back Control of Your Life After Divorce. It goes into much greater detail than my youtube videos about how to work directly with intense emotional pain, including strategies that can help heal past traumas like your childhood abuse. I think you'll find those tools really helpful. You can find the masterclass here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/optin1671910386839

@davidreeder4967

Жыл бұрын

I also been following this woman named Sarah she's talking about retraining my brain being mindful being mindful being mindful of my thoughts changing I watch your last year too I lost her off my phone and went bonkers I found her again I've been writing down stuff but I've been taking

@davidreeder4967

Жыл бұрын

I'm working working with Sarah learning not to let shame shame is one of the shame is one of the causes I need to have mindful thinking to retrain my mind not to desire not to desire p***I've been listening to her for a couple of since since the 12th of January been listening to Sarah's broadcast

How to reach out to you?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

You can email me at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com or book a consultation call directly in my calendar at calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy

Tie this into your August 3 video. Easier to forgive if what she did isn't even about you.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

I like that idea. Maybe in the New Year I'll add a video that ties the two ideas together. Thanks for watching!

I'm so miserable without her, it's almost like having her around.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Jack, you made me chuckle... but I'm also curious. How are you doing? Do you have some support for yourself as you find your path forwards?

Rachael, I dont love my ex wife, she's a narcissist...forgiveness isn5 that easy

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Christopher, forgiveness is not easy, I couldn’t agree more. It’s absence, however, can leave us continuously wounded over and over for years, even when the other person is largely out of our day to day lives. That’s why I find it a worthwhile pursuit. How are you? How do your feelings about your ex wife impact you day to day?

@christophercobbett5750

Жыл бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach First of all...thank you for responding...I appreciate that....Secondly, right now, I'm just happy to be free of the marriage...I do have a relationship with two kids that I would never have had if I didn't marry her, and I'm grateful for that!!!

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

@@christophercobbett5750 That's a wonderful perspective to have!

In order for me to forgive her , she must come forward and apologize. It's been a year and a half and all I got was a sorry for everything

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Marshall, thanks for watching and commenting. I get it. I do. She likely put you through hell and took away a life, a future and perhaps a family that you were deeply committed to. Those are not easy things to forgive. I wonder though, how you're feeling? Do you find that you still feel angry, resentful and hurt a year and a half later? Forgiveness isn't for her. It actually has nothing to do with her. And she may never know you forgave her. Forgiveness is for you - you forgive her so that you can finally let go of the anger, frustration, regret, resentment, pain... all of those powerful emotions that can infiltrate all aspects of your life and create on-going suffering for YOU. If you wait for her to come and apologize in order to allow yourself to feel good again... well. That's giving her a ton of power she doesn't need to have. That's allowing her to continue hurting you when you don't have to. I hope you can consider forgiveness as a gift to yourself. Not doing it keeps you under her thumb, emotionally.

@markfromtinder9616

2 жыл бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach angry doesn't describe it. Let's just say if it doesn't subside I'm gonna end up in the evening news. Unfortunately I do require her to come forward and admit what she did. I dont understand this "forgive yourself crap" because that's saying you deserved all those things done to you , letting someone get away with something is the absolute wrong way to go.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

@@markfromtinder9616 Dear Marshall, I'm so sorry that you're in such a painful place. You didn't deserve what was done to you, and the idea of her getting away with it is beyond infuriating. And I have to ask, who is suffering right now? Is your intense anger and resentment stopping her from "getting away with it" or is it you who is feeling all of that pain?

@markfromtinder9616

2 жыл бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach me. But I won't be suffering much longer. I only have 3 years left. Only 30% of people with adrenal cancer make it past 5 years. And yes it was caused by her. If I reach 33 and I get told my life o ly has a month left due to her. Then I'll make sure she doesn't get away with it. As long as I'm on borrowed time. Then so is she.

@manilanoakes3966

2 жыл бұрын

Just think yourself lucky you got a sorry for everything most men don't even get that.

Its been 4 years since my divorce. still havent got over its. its hard when you have kids with the other person and have to talk to them everyday. But shes dated a lot. Stared wile we were married thats why we got divorced. Lol thats marriage horrible horrible marriage. Anyway nice video.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Gerardo, thanks for watching and for commenting. You're right, it is so hard when you have kids and you have to constantly interact with your ex (and be exposed to everything she's doing). There are some things you can do to make it easier though. You don't want to give her the power to make you unhappy four years later! With my clients I've found that there are clear, concrete steps you can take to move through and past the pain of the divorce. It doesn't make things perfect, it won't make everything magically better, but it will help you make your peace with the past so you can actively move forward with your life and start creating a truly better, happier future for yourself and for your kids. I'm happy to share the details with you - you can email me at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com or book a free consultation with me here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy

Something better than forgiveness? Just forget her. If I didn't have kids? She'd be nothing but a bad ex girlfriend. It's that simple.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

It sounds like you do have kids... how are you handling it given the kids? Are you able to co-parent with her without the past impacting you?

@superdumbvideo

2 жыл бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach She is a person that will stop at nothing to demand the children never know their father again for life. I'm suing her in Federal court on behalf of every alienated parent. #parentmetoo

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

@@superdumbvideo I'm so sorry. It is a tragedy that it has to go to the level of Federal court. I recently spoke to an attorney here in Denver who described our legal system as "archaic" when it comes to family law, and I'm sad to say that based on what I've seen with many of my clients I have to agree. It sounds like you might have your approach all sorted, but if you could use any additional support, check out Jessica Brylo with Trial Dynamics. She's a senior trial and family law consultant, who helps people in fierce or nasty custody battles get better outcomes through a deep understanding of the psychology of a judge. Basically she helps you show up in court with your best foot forward. Her work is fascinating and she gets good results. You can hear her talk about it in this video, which also has links to her contact information: kzread.info/dash/bejne/X2ppztmgoaSnmMo.html I wish you the very best of luck.

@superdumbvideo

2 жыл бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach yes. It was case fixing. From the very start.

@superdumbvideo

2 жыл бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach it's okay. This is why it's a landmark case that will have a writ of certiorari to the United States Supreme Court and it will have ripple effects through ever matrimonial case in the country. 4 trial orders, miss. 4.

Nope your wrong. She is definitely all those things you mentioned. Human or not. She learned everything from her mother.

I will never forgive , you don't know what your saying, every person is different. All you women are all the same. Get a life and let us men alone. You have done enough to destroy us men , what more do you want. Stop playing and pretending to help us.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Johnny, I see your anger, and I'm sorry you've been hurt so badly. I also see that you've been watching and commenting on a lot of my videos, so I hope that they are doing something for you, even if that is simply giving your frustration and pain a target to focus on. I realize that I'm not the right person to support you, but I do hope that you are able to connect with someone who can help you.