Here's a few of my favourite chess moves: Bold Lotus Expanding Assault Hellfire Release Pure Stealth Blast Bone Volley Blossom Coil Draconic Teardrop Spear Extracting Thrust Reflecting Shatter Suffering Fist of Bronze Monkey

@jeffperson3765

Ай бұрын

Bro is playing MTG not chess

@michaelmariano4747

Ай бұрын

Not the InterContinental Ballistic Missle Gambit? Rookie.

@whatafoolbelieeeeves

Ай бұрын

true

@yatibo

Ай бұрын

not the bongcloud?

@dr.loboto1171

Ай бұрын

Bro is playing Chess like a Dark Souls boss

Playing chess online is like -4 turns into the game -You move a pawn -SUDDENLY ITS 82-18 IN YOUR FAVOR -opponent says gg and surrender -puzzled about what just happened you look your position up -it happens to be opening of infamous Kasparov's unavoidable cock and ball tenderizer gambit that would lead to your opponent losing either rook and queen or bishop and queen 28 moves later

@fybson1068

Ай бұрын

Got me lmao'ing.

@FranXiT

Ай бұрын

Fucking same ​@@fybson1068 literally out loud

@originalskyname125

Ай бұрын

Certified Ainz Ooal Gown moment

@tranquoccuong890-its-orge

Ай бұрын

the opponent lost the psychological battle

@invertebrado

Ай бұрын

Honest to god, I was ranked 1100 at chess just because my opponents kept giving up. I am now playing chess before going to bed regularly and I cant do mid or late games (dropped to rank 400 lol I am in a bad streak)

I play the Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Gambit. All your pieces are gone and you lose. Checkmate.

@SorielHDTBers

Ай бұрын

Be that as it may, still may it be as it may be.

@CoolLookinPea

Ай бұрын

They never expect the radiation poisoning, rookie mistake

@draknight5081

Ай бұрын

Ah, well played. Unfortunately, I have already eaten all of your pieces and my pieces while you weren’t looking. In approximately 5 minutes I will have thrown up on the board and all the pieces will be in random positions. Checkmate.

@divat10

Ай бұрын

For anyone wondering, this is an actual opening that ca be played. (You won't destroy all your opponents pieces however)

@viiranen

Ай бұрын

i love how this is an actual gambit

There’s a chess opening genuinely called the Bongcloud Attack.

@lumipakkanen3510

Ай бұрын

Yet originated in jest.

@gwagabogo

Ай бұрын

LENNYY BONGCLOUD

@suhnih4076

Ай бұрын

💀

@RushWheeler

Ай бұрын

I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

@canadagoof

Ай бұрын

That opening is so cringe that it genuinely gives me second-hand embarrassment each time i see someone playing it 😬

Ah yes, you've played the Napoleon's shitstain manuver. Very admirable.

@davidhill229

Ай бұрын

I read that as Neapolitan at first.

@RespecterAlexander

Ай бұрын

Isn't 1. e4 e5 2. Qf3 the Napoleon opening?

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

@@RespecterAlexander Yep.

@Medbread

Ай бұрын

manoeuvre

@zomhuman6270

Ай бұрын

manure-ver

It's not common knowledge, but there is a reliable recovery strategy for when you execute an ill-timed Frenchman's Cumsock. Simply stand up, pick up your chair and firmly swing it into your opponent's face. This gambit is traditionally known as the Glaswegian Handshake, and though frowned upon in tournament play is not technically illegal. Following this manoeuvre up with further applications of the chair to their prone body is known as the Liverpudlian Farewell, and is generally considered a sound accompaniment to a typical Glaswegian play.

@noahclaycameron

Ай бұрын

Then comes the hard choice between the Irishman's Goodbye and The Health Insurance Counter Forfeit, one of which is where you call them an ambulance, the other of which is where you don't, resulting in a checkmate either way.

@amazingfireboy1848

Ай бұрын

Idk, murder seems _pretty_ illegal law-wise. But I mean, there's no rule against it in Chess tournaments, I suppose.

@tbotalpha8133

Ай бұрын

@@amazingfireboy1848 Oh no, the Glaswegian Handshake is perfectly survivable, if you swing the chair right.

@rando5638

Ай бұрын

@@tbotalpha8133 Glad to see there's at least ONE patron of the Scottish school of chess here. _(shakes head and tuts theatrically)_ After all, it's no fun if they don't get up and retort with an Edinburgh Rebuttal in turn _(though most players familiar with the Scottish playstyle will take measures to protect their genitalia in advance of the game, rendering this particular tactic somewhat ineffectual)._

@TheRatsintheWalls

Ай бұрын

Perfectly delivered and hilarious. Good enough to be read on this channel.

There are two kinds of people in this comment section: - Those who know chess moves - And those who don't And no one can tell which is which

@caitlinabbott7895

Ай бұрын

Also those who know who Papermariowiki is and those who don't

@candlestorms

Ай бұрын

I'm pretty sure - Those who know chess moves - And those who don't Covers everyone alive and who ever lived...

@curtishammer748

Ай бұрын

Even the ones who know chess moves read about the "Bangkok bamboozle" and are like "wait, is that a real thing?"

@Broofjude

Ай бұрын

@@candlestormsthere’s only two kinds of comments in the world: Those that are straight, And those that are gay… Think about that one👀

@SmallSpoonBrigade

Ай бұрын

@@curtishammer748 In all fairness there are a lot of gambits out there, and probably even more that haven't been discovered or studied. It wouldn't surprise me if some chess expert is seeing some of these names and being like, I'm naming this thing I'm developing that. Thanks to this video, we may well wind up with a "Frenchmen's cumsock" as a legitimately known move.

Chess and Yu-Gi-Oh are among the games that I love the idea of playing to death, but will never touch with a 39 and a half foot pole

@danielhaycroft1597

Ай бұрын

tbf they are both filled with absolute dickheads with huge egos who hate new players with a burning passion.

@pennybutnotthecoin

Ай бұрын

I've never related to a sentence more in my life.

@wackhdee

Ай бұрын

I wouldn’t either even if the grinch was on the other end

@KnightmarePhoenix_official

Ай бұрын

If you're legit interested in YGO, I'd recommend giving Duel Links a shot- I learned to play it with my only prior experience being the Pokémon TCG and TheDuelLogs videos (before I ever actually learned the rules). It's simplified a bit from the regular game and is FTP, though a little bit of a grind.

@ThisIsAHandle-xz5yo

Ай бұрын

🌽

"You never get good at chess, you just play with people worse than you." - A classmate who tried getting me into chess

@jokerclub007

Ай бұрын

If they are worse players, then you should try the French man's Cumsock on them followed by Irish MILF's Trap and finally you would have won in 69 moves.

@SmallSpoonBrigade

Ай бұрын

The proportion of the people that are worse does shift over time. The mistake that people make is that they learn in the wrong order. You always have to start with the ways in which the pieces can move, but from there you'd focus on ending the game, then mid game and then the opening. The reason being is that at every point in the game you're wanting to try to get the other player in a position to finish them off and to avoid being finished off. The middle and beginning are really only important so far as they get you there.

@nielsunnerup7099

Ай бұрын

​@@SmallSpoonBrigade That is probably the best way to study and get better, but I think for a lot of people, maybe even most people, the fun of playing chess is merely being in the moment and enjoying the game at the skill level you are.

@poppers7317

Ай бұрын

You can never beat AI by playing good, so why even try.

@SmallSpoonBrigade

Ай бұрын

@@nielsunnerup7099 There's definitely a lot of value to that, that's more or less what I did. Those are just not people that are playing in the kind of matches that lead to being ranked.

They don’t know that I have my secret move, the ticking gambit, where my enemy is forced to surrender because of the looming presence of ticking coming from the inside of my coat.

@teplapus8795

Ай бұрын

Misread it as "tickling gambit"... honestly, that sounds effective too

@Narty_Naz

Ай бұрын

​@@teplapus8795Ah yes, the tickling gambit where I continue to tickle my opponent into submission.

@schizophreniagaming1187

Ай бұрын

@@teplapus8795 same

@doorjpeg

Ай бұрын

@@teplapus8795me too, and “the looming presence of tickling coming from the inside of my coat” was probably the funniest thing i have ever misread

@babygaga821

22 күн бұрын

the japanese empire gambit

Jokes on them when I play the “eat the other player’s pieces when they aren’t looking” gambit

@mrtomithy

Ай бұрын

i always knew that those pieces looked tasty

@menacingpyro2005

Ай бұрын

@@mrtomithy if you play normal chess the black pieces taste like cola and the white pieces taste like white chocolate

@yuvalkoren4070

Ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@terrorsDomain

Ай бұрын

@@menacingpyro2005So Thats Where My Chess Pieces Went

@menacingpyro2005

Ай бұрын

@@terrorsDomain sorry I get the munchies

But remember, you NEVER want to be on the wrong side of the Throngler gambit.

@JustAVibinKoala

Ай бұрын

Sure, you don’t wanna be on the wrong end of Dark Lord King Grutmore’s gambit of annihilation, but that implies other dark lords with other gambits of annihilation. There is only one way to be Thronglemated.

@toastdude882

Ай бұрын

not this again

@everythingsalright1121

Ай бұрын

@@toastdude882 yes this again. The throngler cannot be stopped. Mostly because its escaped our control. RUN.

@user-nx1wv2ws6r

28 күн бұрын

And then the dog came in

@bagyongpablo761

27 күн бұрын

In this economy?!!

“You see, you have fallen for my trap… expect the interconnection ballistic missile in around 3x10^27 turns 🌞🌞🌞🌞”

@BazukinBelyugovich

Ай бұрын

"Ah, I see you've played the Kaczynski Gambit. Tsk tsk tsk, rookie mistake."

@countryboy1635

Ай бұрын

I don’t speak math, what number is that

@wendygao9342

Ай бұрын

The answer is 3.0e27

@vermilisix

Ай бұрын

​@@countryboy1635 A three with 27 zeroes after it

@countryboy1635

Ай бұрын

@@vermilisix . Damn, that’s a long chess game

and if they’re both pro then they’ll go like “Unfortunately, that might be 36” and play“The frenchman’s chinese burn assault” and it’s never questioned at all

@SadButter

Ай бұрын

nah, pros just eat dirt for 15 moves and then end the game in a draw

@rclipse1985

Ай бұрын

thought that said bum assault for a second there

I just admitted Chess is basically Dark Souls. The fun is all about being defeated in thousands different ways for reason your feeble mind and body will never comprehend, and then watching someone wins blindfolded while playing the ukulele and doing a headstand, as easily as they breath.

@psymar

Ай бұрын

As a chess enthusiast: The openings get all the hype because for decades it was thought to be the only way top players could get an edge over other top players, but this has recently been proven false by some of the top players (particularly Magnus) who have started playing "meme" openings where they get no advantage or are even slightly worse, but the point is they're taking the game to territory where their opponent doesn't have 37 moves of preparation, and that's all they need from the opening to win. And at any level below 2000 or so? There's a few common traps to avoid, but if you just look over your games with a computer afterwards you'll find those out pretty quickly. Everything else is irrelevant until you and your opponents aren't overlooking multiple one-move piece-winning tactics per game.

@S8EdgyVA

Ай бұрын

Is THIS why people adore Dark Souls so much?

@PSiOO2

Ай бұрын

​@@psymar like tyler 1 getting to pretty high rating using the same opening

@Sina-dv1eg

Ай бұрын

​@@S8EdgyVA Not really lol. Dark Souls is a super bad example. It's a game where most times you die, you know exactly why and what you could do better. Chess doesn't have that. Also, Dark Souls has super many options to make the game easier for yourself. It's a game that fundamentally wants the player to win, with a bit of struggle. But some people need to pretend that it's the hardest game in the world so they'll feel cool for beating it

@shytendeakatamanoir9740

Ай бұрын

@@Sina-dv1eg I'll admit, I said that for the meme because I couldn't think of any good examples

I actually hate it when their like “now after I play the back shot gambit I can change it into the Connecticut horseshoe assault and I have checkmate in 47 moves” like wtf I haven’t even moved a pawn yet

@S8EdgyVA

Ай бұрын

True, you moved a knight, rookie mistake

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

@@S8EdgyVA Hey, the Zukertort is a perfectly legitimate opening.

@ian_b

Ай бұрын

Not moving any of your pieces is a rookie mistake.

@maxonm1899

Ай бұрын

playing at all is a rookie mistake

@MiniDoTutorial

Ай бұрын

Existing at all is a rookie mistake

"In the game of chess you can never let you're adversary see your pieces." -Zapp Brannigan

@charliegarrison9688

Ай бұрын

I was going to point out that "you're" was incorrect but it's likely a direct quote from Zapp 😂

@noahclaycameron

Ай бұрын

@@charliegarrison9688 No you're spelled incorrectly. No tag backs.

@OutsiderLabs

Ай бұрын

​@@noahclaycameronTag backs? Methinks you meant "take"

@wyawarD9677

Ай бұрын

@@OutsiderLabs no we're playing tag, you fool. in other news, get running, because i think 'it' might be after us.

@noahclaycameron

Ай бұрын

@@wyawarD9677 Hey, I think you meant It as in the proper noun, as in the movie It.

Playing against a pro player as a casual player is one of the most unenjoyable things I've ever experienced. In particular, I remember an awful experience I had in middle school. This one kid would challenge people to chess any opportunity he could. He was a stereotypical "gifted kid", as well as antisocial and extremely full of himself. One day I saw him alone in the library, and thought, "eh, I have nothing better to do", and asked to play a game with him. I kid you not, every move I made he either insulted me or gave me a condescending look. I managed to last a bit over 30 moves, at which point he loudly yelled checkmate in my face with a gloating smile. _I sincerely hope he experienced as much gifted kid burnout as I did, because god knows he deserved it a hell of a lot more than me._

@raznaak

Ай бұрын

That kid was certainty very autistic and couldn't understand what he was doing wrong (I know a few like that). Still, it's nice you tried but ultra autists don't make it easy to like them.

@TrulyAtrocious

Ай бұрын

The gifted kid 50/50

@pizzaman2726

Ай бұрын

and then they kissed, the end

@its_sisha_not_chair505

Ай бұрын

I just know for a fact that hes nowadays obsessed with Magic the gathering or any other card game with 80 gazillion mechanics

@arcihungbycraneonfire

Ай бұрын

​​@@pizzaman2726 elongate your fanfic

i cant get over the fact that there's a chess move called "grob's attack" and its literally the worst starting move you can do

@sketchyfile9132

Ай бұрын

it’s not quite the worst starting move but it’s pretty bad

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

@@sketchyfile9132Stockfish assesses Grob's Attack as the lowest-evaluated first move for White. What metric are you using?

@DarkShard5728

Ай бұрын

​@@isavenewspapers8890stockfish. this is what, from what i know, the best chess ai is called. _stockfish_

@BulbasaurLeaves

Ай бұрын

There’s also the potato opening

@sketchyfile9132

Ай бұрын

@@isavenewspapers8890 my mistake then, i assumed f3 was worse

My issue with chess, is that it’s always treated as a display of one’s general intellect. The reality is, it’s mostly a display of how good you are at chess.

@Diane_666

18 күн бұрын

That's why I only play with bots, if I try to play with strangers I'll get anxious about them judging my intellegence🥲

Someone apparently made basically "chess 2" which more or less addressed this. I think all it changed was randomizing the location of the pieces, so that people would strategize instead of memorizing openings.

@ahoh8974

Ай бұрын

Fischer Random / Chess 960 (not quite the same iirc, but very similar).

@user-jc5xs1fr4l

Ай бұрын

Until the people who breathe chess get to memorise all the allocated random pieces for new openings.

@michaelmartin9022

Ай бұрын

Wasn't that intended to make it harder for computers by creating trillions of possible outcomes instead of mere billions? If you ask me that'd make it harder for humans and easier for computers

@Ayzev

Ай бұрын

​​@@user-jc5xs1fr4lThat's 960 starting positions. Just the one single starting position of regular chess only goes maybe 20 moves deep in opening theory after centuries of study and that's only in the most popular, most analyzed openings. With that many possible starts you can't feasibly memorize enough to actually gain a meaningful advantage. And even if you could you'd just benefit far more from putting that effort into improving your calculation skills instead.

@gusleffers9265

Ай бұрын

@@user-jc5xs1fr4limpossible

"...and now Kasparov is conglomerating his pawns into a Mega-Chessa-tron."

@billylion3073

Ай бұрын

"...and whats this?!?! Tigran's queen! ...Its giving birth!! we haven't seen a Mega-Chessa-tron Vs Birthing Unit game since Fischer vs Spassky in 69"

@SigFigNewton

Ай бұрын

@@billylion3073it’s still two moves before the newborn’s gender is revealed. If it’s a knight, the queen won’t have to lose momentum raising the child and Tigran may still h@ve the upper hand!

@billylion3073

Ай бұрын

@@SigFigNewton what if its a prince!! we could have a queen regency and a 2nd king

What's genuinely depressing about chess is that its multi-dimensional. You can't just have a winning strategy, you have to punish your opponent for wrong moves. You can't just punish your opponent for wrong moves, you have to make sure your king doesn't get in danger. You can't just make sure your king doesn't get in danger, you have to have sufficient material to checkmate. You can't just have sufficient material to checkmate, you have to KNOW the proper checkmate moves, otherwise the game ends in stalemate/draw. I love chess, I'm addicted to it. However I'm pretty sure it's giving me white hairs.

@danolantern6030

Ай бұрын

The most frustrating thing is how i move like a pawn and two horseys and my opponent goes “FOOL… YOU HAVE LET ME EXECUTE THE WZTEROVIAN GAMBIT” and they do the weirdest move and i get stuck for 3 minutes trying to decide whether they did a blunder or i am about to get checkmated

@v0id_d3m0n

Ай бұрын

​@@danolantern6030 yes omg. And then you spend so long thinking that you forget that your queen was in danger. This has happened to me an embarrassing number of times...

@soupofdoom4542

Ай бұрын

"genuinely depressing" or what makes it interesting?

@math_person

Ай бұрын

I am autist, and this is straight outta my dreams.

@martingradev8419

Ай бұрын

@@soupofdoom4542 Depressing. The game is interesting even without all the complexity. Few games make me feel this bad when I lose. For example, you think you have a better position, so you decline a draw. The opponent proceeds to patiently destroy you. Pain.

The French Defence and the Bulgarian variation of the Spanish are real chess openings, so this video is closer to the mark than you might think...

@vincemarenger7122

Ай бұрын

Breathe manually

@anarch1266

Ай бұрын

@@vincemarenger7122 This is the funniest shit.

play 5D chess with time travel then. No one understands that and there is such a thing as a Terminator gambbit

@magicksilver4444

Ай бұрын

Sadly this isn’t true. There is now a meta with how queens move and you can win easily in like 5 or 6 moves. The meta always win.

@MomazosDoritos

Ай бұрын

​@@magicksilver4444 FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 😭

@seguaye

Ай бұрын

@@magicksilver4444 figured that one out on accident after playing the game for only a few hours

@ABadGamble

Ай бұрын

@@magicksilver4444 that's literally the terminator gambit lmfao

@magicksilver4444

Ай бұрын

@@ABadGamble oh. Oh well haha!

This pretty much sums up why I don't play Chess anymore. I used to like it as a kid, but quickly realised that there were always people playing the game on an entirely different level than I was, and it was very disheartening.

@yjlom

Ай бұрын

well it goes for pretty much everything and if it's any consolation, we're probably having way more fun than 2500s

@anakinskywalker-js8cv

Ай бұрын

same loved it as a child and was good for my age, but nowadays i refuse to even play it.

@Steir12

Ай бұрын

@@yjlom In most games excessive metagame is frowned upon in chess it is THE game.

@yjlom

Ай бұрын

@@Steir12 have you ever seen the community of any competitive and/or massively multiplayer game? heck in WoW NOT using cheats is frowned upon (from what I've heard)

@FamilyTeamGaming

Ай бұрын

​@@Steir12what is excessive metagame anyway, a ton or games can be played competitively and you don't have to interact with that side of the game at all

"Cmon bro, let's just play 1 game." "I'm not very good, I don't really know any of the strategies." "Naw cmon man, the only way to get better is to play." -Proceeds to lose in 11 turns, have no idea how I messed up and so cannot learn "GG man, was fun to play. Wish more people joined the club. Can hardly find people to spar with anymore." "Can't imagine a reason why..."

@ChrisMattern-oh6wx

Ай бұрын

If he was really interested in a game rather than just winning, he'd give you odds, where some of his pieces are removed before play starts.

@kkTeaz

Ай бұрын

I went from worst to best player in my school so while I can relate as I was stuck for a year or so I eventually became the one who was beating people in 11 moves and I always try to tell them why what they did was suboptimal even while playing the game

@Ayzev

Ай бұрын

​@@ChrisMattern-oh6wxI've tried that and my friend didn't enjoy playing with the awareness that he needs to be advantaged like that to be able to play at all. Also once the advantaged player realizes that trading away all the pieces is an easy win the game becomes almost trivial and doesn't make for much of a learning experience. An idea I personally like more is explaining the ideas behind your movies, as if you're giving the beginner mind reading, because often they just don't notice a threat and then they feel cheesed. If you let them know then it's more like they're solving a puzzle every move. Although my friend didn't like that either, but it's worth trying

@SigFigNewton

Ай бұрын

People willing to devote a ton of time to a game are commonly drawn to chess. Which actively repels those less willing to devote enough time to compete with them. I feel like this sums up most of everyone is saying

@kenjen9861

Ай бұрын

Smh my head, yall shoulda had LEGO Chess for the PC in your childhood like I did.

Why did you upload the entirety of Queens Gambit?

@Yewtewba

Ай бұрын

I didn't quite remember the Frenchman's cumsock, this was a good recap

@icegod4849

Ай бұрын

he cant keep getting away with this

@hamishfox

Ай бұрын

The first couple of episodes were good but I was bored to death by the middle of it and couldn't finish.

@Shvetsario

Ай бұрын

Lol that feminist propaganda

@higztv1166

Ай бұрын

@@Shvetsario women exist

"Ah, I see you are the kind of person to use the Brazilian's left tonail assault on my bishop. Too bad I can easily defend using my special move: The Alpha Ck Annie Body whirlwind dive bomb." The man said in a highly sophisticated tone. "I was just trying to develop my queen. . ." I responded slowly, trying to process what I had just heard.

Oponents trying to figure out my next 50 moves and my ass just goes "eh zog it, castle" and watch as they begin to dematerialize from this realm

@R0-83-RT

Ай бұрын

I have genuinely won games like that, make my opponent think I am smarter than I actually am, and play into it.

@Smooth836

Ай бұрын

@@R0-83-RT eating my oponents pieces when he isn't looking kinda vibe

@kenjen9861

29 күн бұрын

Zoggin' 'ell, ya sure krumped 'em roight.

bong cloud is my favourite opening. mostly cause it ends the chess game ive been forced to play in 3 moves

@canadagoof

Ай бұрын

😂

@ParasocialCatgirl

Ай бұрын

There's a better opening for that. Move your F pawn forward and move your G pawn forward twice. This exposes your king to an instant checkmate if your opponent moves their queen diagonally to the H rank, potentially ending the game in as few as two moves. (if white, and if black is competent) 1. *f3* e5 2. *g4* Qh4# checkmate, black wins. (if black, and white is competent) 1. e4 *f6* 2. (anything) *g5* 3. Qh5# checkmate, white wins.

@yjlom

Ай бұрын

e4 e5. ke2 ke7 no it doesn't

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

@@ParasocialCatgirlFool's mate

@mikaaa-zd6ho

Ай бұрын

just do fools mate at this point

ULTIMATE NAPOLEON PARADOX (illegal move)

@SpiderEnjoyer

Ай бұрын

That video was so sick

@felixjohnson3874

Ай бұрын

Actually it's a legal move, but only if the rules don't apply to you.

I now have the urge to make a video game about chess but every time you perform a named gambit or move it flashes the name across the screen and plays a pre rendered animation depicting whatever the name is

@user-oh4mb4ze3f

25 күн бұрын

please

@cleverman383

21 күн бұрын

make it play a little animation like in bowling

I once signed up for a high-school chess tournament just because it sounded fun and would let me skip class for that day. I proceeded to get beaten in a couple turns every single time. I wasn't even mad lol, one time my opponent said something like, "Aww, that sucks, good play tho", I was like "Thanks? I don't even play chess so I had no idea what I was doing lol" and he hit me with "Oh? I wouldn’t have guessed, you opened with the Bavarian Shitfuck gambit". That was the day I learned chess isn't for me. Not because I lost every match, but because in the process, I managed to execute a well-known strategy I've never heard about before. EDIT: Just to expand on this, another dude I played against that day told me afterwards that he was actually a little scared when I started moving my pieces. He couldn't figure out what I was doing, and came to the conclusion that I was attempting some kind of advanced opening he didn't know about, when in reality I was randomly pushing my pieces around like the moron I am. I quickly lost of course, but let this be a lesson in psychological warfare I guess - your opponent can't know your strategy if YOU don't even know your strategy.

@TrulyAtrocious

Ай бұрын

That last line is a known and used strategy

@felixjohnson3874

Ай бұрын

Ah, the Deadpool gambit, good strategy to level the playingfield.

@aaaaaa-aaa

Ай бұрын

that last thing you said in the edit is kinda true, but works more with kids (its actually not recommendable to do bcs opening is so important)

I play the Oppenheimer gambit. **Shoves every piece off the board** No survivors.

@camicus-3249

Ай бұрын

"Theory will only take you so far"

Playing the *Obsidian Pawn Gambit* where I replace one of the regular pawns with one expertly carved from a piece of obsidian. My opponent leans forwards, enraged by the violation of the game's sacred rules - "You're not even playing black, you can't just do that!" they protest, and as they lean over the board to take the offending piece away, I thrust the machete I've been concealing up through the mahogany table and into their chest cavity. I laugh uproariously, amused that a supposed _'seasoned'_ chessplayer would fall for such a simple ploy. *"Checkmate."* I declare, knocking all of the remaining pieces off and declaring myself the winner.

@doorjpeg

Ай бұрын

best comment i’ve ever seen

I was once watching a video about that 5D Chess game and one of the moves was called something like the Jurassic Gambit because it consisted of making a check mate with a rook from the past, like it literally moved through time.

@kenziebalhatchet

Ай бұрын

Ah 5d chess with multiversal time travel, pretty sure that’s labelled as a horror game of some kind

@yjlom

Ай бұрын

the thing that irks me about 5d chess is… it's 4d

@Ilias2

Ай бұрын

​@@yjlom The knights jump over the other pieces. They are hogging the 3rd dimension all to themselves.

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

@@Ilias2A knight can jump to a board two timelines away, even with no intervening boards. So unless the knights are taking the long way around, I'm pretty sure they can teleport.

@octodionis

Ай бұрын

​@@yjlom no, it is actually 5D, as time and timelines are different dimensions

I think people much overestimate how much begginner/intermediate chess is impacted by memorizing/theory. If you are playing against someone who has just played way more than you, you're gonna lose even if they play an opening they don't know. The real problem is that often chess isn't as fun if your skill levels don't align. But that's got very little to do with memorization.

@gelatinousjoe7979

Ай бұрын

Yeah, a lot of these posts seem like people who have only played like 3 games of chess. Anyone who has spent more than a week trying to improve knows how many things you learn, and how little opening names matter.

@matthijsnorg9281

Ай бұрын

@jojipantsu Yeah but what i'm saying is that that's just not really true. If you are below like 1500-1600, which the vast majority of people are, it's all about skill and principles. Memorisation only starts to matter when you start getting to the skilled players.

Here are some of my favourite chess opening lines: -Vienna Game, Frankenstein-Dracula Variation - Indian Game: Medusa Gambit - Modern Defense, Monkey's Bum - Double Grob, Coca-Cola Gambit - Hippopotamus Defense - Englund Gambit: Mosquito Gambit - Queen's Gambit Declined: Forgotten Variation And let's not forget one of our recent additions, courtesy of Anna Cramling: - The Cow opening

@ChrisMattern-oh6wx

Ай бұрын

My personal favorite: a variant of the Two Knights Defense called the Fried Liver Attack. It loses against an accurate defense but can be deadly if Black doesn't get it exactly right.

My opponents are never ready for the Hungarian impact, when I move both of my farthest pawns forwards then instant transmission them to the king

@numerousbees12

Ай бұрын

KAIOKEN. kaio-wha- AH

@saccorhytus

Ай бұрын

Until you get Trianon Counter Gambit’d

@CalvinNoire

Ай бұрын

​​@@saccorhytus Just use the German '39 reply, it helps long term, and you can even trade a few pieces to halt the romanian defence.

@mahmud7645

Ай бұрын

The king can just move between the pawns 🤓 However it will make you able to gain a lot of material and possibly promote the pawns seeing as the king most likely didn’t move in the first 2 moves

That's what I like about 5d chess with multiverse time-travel, it's merely a 3 year old game and not a single person has the divine intellect needed to even understand what is happening!

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

Sorry to say, but there's a whole meta developed. Three years is a very long time.

@danolantern6030

Ай бұрын

@@isavenewspapers8890 There’s not a “meta”, there is simply a ritual you must do in order to not be swallowed by the eldritch hellhole that is time.

Chess Boxing grandmasters be all: Ahhh yes, I see you've gone for the ammonia opening, followed by an uppercut

@eefthebeef3047

Ай бұрын

Discombobulate

@KeyboardTarantula

Ай бұрын

i'd win chess boxxing because I'd play defensively in chess, then just beat the tar out of broski.

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

Now, some of you folks might think the name "Ammonia Opening" is a joke. 1.Nh3 It's not.

@JouvaMoufette

Ай бұрын

@@isavenewspapers8890 It is indeed a potential name for that opening. Whether it's seen as a laughable move or not is a different story

@maglev957

Ай бұрын

​@isavenewspapers8890 There's also the Sodium Attack which is the same thing but it's Na3

I still can't stop laughing that this was posted on a paper mario wiki of all things

@caitlinabbott7895

Ай бұрын

Did you know the person who made this post played The Devil from The Bible in the Shadow The Hedgehog Real Time Fandub?

I honestly think chess is most fun with people who are just casual about it. It feels like one of these games where the fun dissipates once you really understand it. My favourite games of chess were always the ones where i was playing with people just as unexperienced as i was.

@techbro_4309

Ай бұрын

This is also true for any PvP type game

*I play the glock gambit *bang bang* this lets me sacrifice my life to achieve eternal slumber"

Honestly he is right, it takes all the fun out of chess imo. The game was way more enjoyable as a kid when all we knew was how the pieces moved, not the strategies.

@hansnase364

Ай бұрын

So play with people at your elo and don't compare yourself to professional players.

@scarymonsters524

Ай бұрын

​@@hansnase364 Seething chesscel

@DarkShard5728

Ай бұрын

​@@hansnase364works until someone good at chess hears that you play chess and asks you and lacks sportsmanship

@Settiis

Ай бұрын

@@hansnase364 You missed the point. The discovery and coming up with your own solutions, or mistakes, was what made it fun for me. I can’t unlearn the things I’ve learned.

@wenigmehl

Ай бұрын

@@Settiis I guess you could try out Go if you haven't already. I don't think it loses it's novelty the way chess does either. Since there is basically no upper skillcap, at least none that has been reached by humans.

My main opening is the Stonewall Attack, which I learned specifically because it has an intimidating name and it makes my opponent panic.

@kirtil5177

Ай бұрын

You also have to explain it to your opponent like you're in a yugioh duel

@HonsHon

Ай бұрын

American Civil war reference?

Testicular torsion

@Blue-Maned_Hawk

Ай бұрын

Of all the things to comment on a video, why would you comment the thing that will instantly make about half of the people reading it involutarily pick their feet up off the floor as they shudder?

@creepyguy2198

Ай бұрын

@@Blue-Maned_Hawk I came

@Blue-Maned_Hawk

Ай бұрын

@@creepyguy2198 Is that the kinda thing Apple's selling nowadays? Considering that Apple's known for locking people out of their own devices, i'd be _really_ concerned if they made that kind of device and it broke while one was using it…

@scp-phenomenon014

Ай бұрын

Chess against pros is literally testicular torsion for your brain Same with most games that involve 3+ step combos

That's the thing with chess. You could be the smartest person at the table (I'm definitely not ;p) but you'll _always_ lose to the psychopath who remembers board positions the way other people remember their loved one's face.

I would play chess more if the pieces were edible. Make it chocolate! Make the victory actually sweet! In fact, I don't mind losing so long as we play for as long as we can so the whole set gets eaten!

@canadagoof

Ай бұрын

They actually sell edible chess piece sets made of chocolate 😄

@Badficwriter

Ай бұрын

I once owned a chess set where the pieces were shot glasses with pictures of which pieces they represented. You drank the taken, of course.

"Ah dear, you have played the Sodium Attack opening, I see" "Oh, the mosquito gambit? People hate that one" "Ah yes, the classic Coca Cola gambit. I see you are an expert at this" "Intercontinental Ballistic Missile? Usually works against beginners but I am no rookie" " *Bongcloud* "

I've read what the experts have said in the comments, and it's surprising how violent chess is. No wonder it's considered a sport.

Memes aside, stagnant metas are a problem. They shift the focus of players' competitiveness onto busy work. While some players will enjoy and feel comfortable in that as well, if your game is already figured out, it takes away all the excitement and adventure of feeling on the bleeding edge, on completely unexplored territory. In other words, most people will take pioneering over mastery any time, probably also because it's an easier kind of outlet for your sense of ambition (which is ultimately the thing you're trying to tickle when you're playing a competitive game).

I mean honestly, yeah. I tried to get into chess when I was younger and quickly realized 2 things: 1) Chess feels like a solved game. There's almost always a 'right' next move and either you know them and play like a machine most of the time or you don't and you lose because the other person does. 2) The thing I like about strategy games is telling stories about valiant defenses and ignoble defeats. Chess (understandably) isn't really about that. Which is why I wound up with tabletop wargames. The imbalance inherent in having asymmetric factions means you can sometimes get away with Stupid Shit and, even if you lose, there's still lots of stories to be told. I will grant that even the cheaper ones tend to be more expensive than a chess set though so there's that... but yeah. Not saying there's not something to Chess, clearly it's lasted thousands of years for a reason... but it's not for me for the exact reasons it attracts some people.

@asdfqwerty14587

Ай бұрын

I generally feel like any strategy game that a computer plays better than a human (and they're better at the strategy part, not because of physical limitations like having faster reaction time etc.) just isn't very fun for me personally, because computers aren't actually very smart and their strength generally comes from their ability to just brute force checking way more positions than a human can more than anything else.. so if computers are better than humans, then that generally means the most important skill for the game is being able to either brute force checking a lot of choices as quickly as possible or memorize what to do ahead of time.. neither of which is very interesting to me - I prefer when the games are complicated enough that thinking of every possible move that could be made even a few turns in the future is completely unfathomable (even for a computer) and you have to use more abstract strategies and improvise on the fly.

@xuanduyphantrinh8753

Ай бұрын

1) To this, I will only tell you one thing: During the World Chess Championship, Grandmaster Ding Liren played a move that the engine deemed an inaccuracy at first, but when running with a higher analysis depth, it's deemed as a brilliant move instead. So he literally outplayed an engine. 2) There are plenty of such moments in chess. It's just that it takes a bit of knowledge of the game to grasp. For example, also during the same championship, Ding and his opponent, GM Ian Nepomniachtchi, were basically forced into a draw, the only way for Ding to win was to get his rook pinned to the king, taking Ian by surprise. Ding then went on to win the game.

@lordpillows762

Ай бұрын

​​​​@@xuanduyphantrinh8753 might be fair points, but they are still exceptions rather than the rule, specially since you had to mention the exact matches and moments in history they happened in, so they really doesn't mean a lot on the general scheme of things What I mean is that, if you can't make an example on the fly of a situation a common person would fall into and had to pull up very specific events with very specific and "not-common" people to make the argument, then that still makes it a little too out of reality for someone who is not into that bubble to really consider them relevant Like, I myself still have moments in Chess with my friends and siblings that feels like actual strategy games with epic comebacks and table-turning plot twists, but that's because none of us have any idea what we are doing at all since we never were interested into looking up the Chess bubble rabbit-hole, so our strategies are still 100% improvisation and that's what it makes them fun for us

@felixjohnson3874

Ай бұрын

1 : it arguably hasn't lasted thousands of years. Likely the original game didn't even have checks or checkmates, it ended when one aide took the other king. "Checks" were likely added to avoid 'cheap' losses and checkmates were just a version that let you skip the final move. (If you're TELLING THEM "hey, you're losing next turn" then the only way they would actually lose is if they can't stop you, i.e. : checkmate) In otger words the single most identifiable aspect of Chess, check and/or checkmate, was likely bolted on, not technically part of it originally. 2 : simplicity combined with being a big enough time sink only people without anything to do bother to "learn" it. In other words it's something everybody can know, and it can hook a subset of people to dedicate a shit ton of time to it. Strictly speaking something like Halo or CoD is objectively more complex, tactical, etc. but they're noehere near as simple. Chess is basically the minimum possible game at it's core. Its sliiiiightly more complicated than the absolute minimum, but not by much.

@HonsHon

Ай бұрын

Yeah, it is basically just memorization at this point. Doesn't really test strategy at all

There needs to be a tier list of chess moves by how funny their names are

I had played fewer than 5 games of chess in my entire life when an old man at work wanted to play me. I got white. When I moved my first pawn he said " ah, a Sicilian opening" and I knew it was over.

@raulpetrascu2696

Ай бұрын

To be fair think of how many games of chess have been played, there's only so many moves you can open with. So all of these starting moves got names, but it's literally 2 moves. I doubt that guy knows much more than that it's called the Sicillian, well it's possible he knows everything there is to know but I'm just saying, no need to get put off by that. Moving your right horse to the right as your first move is called the Drunken Knight, the Paris Opening, the Amar Opening, or the Ammonia (because of the chess notation being the same as the chemical notation for ammonia) but it's just a frickin 1 move the horsey to one of 2 spots it can go. The dumbest possible starting move of putting your king out in danger is called the Bongcloud lol

What do you we say to the God of Death? Its time to Dd-d-ddd-duel!

Fun Fact: The OP of that tumblr post is Scout Young the voice of Memphis Tennessee, Storm, and Da Devil from Da Bible in Snapcube’s real time fandubs

@nataliearcadia

Ай бұрын

Don't forget Mikeiplier from Until Dawn!

@maris_molotov

Ай бұрын

funny woman scout young

The best part is that you unknowingly play a classic book game of Despasitoreichcommisatiatfurhrer opening that is different from Bangjabass opening by moving a pawn 1 move earlier, resulting in Bebememepopo gambit being avalible with Ballsacksucker countergambit managing to make you a pawn up 62 moves later

similar energy to wanting to play fps games you've played before, but now you get paired with what equates to e-sports level players when you just got off from a long day at work.

Fun fact: at the grandmaster level, if a player makes a single mistake, the entire game is pretty much over for them. Also, GMs can literally think 30 moves ahead

@thevipez8740

Ай бұрын

It has a bit to do with intelligence, keeping track of a lot of things at once so, but from sheer memory and experience of playing and studying games for thousands of thousands of hours, that is the most important part. That they can know from each move played exactly what their opponent is trying to do and also what the best moves for you to play too is, which is just something you get from thousands of hours of memory and experience essentially from playing so much

Got a Paper Mario advertisement before the video

@SorielHDTBers

Ай бұрын

In this economy?

@ArtemisAYO

Ай бұрын

Makes sense given this is written by Paper Mario Wiki

The voiceover and background music combination is so fkin good I actually can't 😂

that's why you take your queen, and play the "Terminators Gambit" where you go back in time to checkmate him

*Moves rook.* My opponent: "Ah I see, you are playing the *FIREBALL* gambit."

you can't forget about the Tennison Gambit Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Variation

i feel so powerful now cause i recognised which post this is halfway through

I basically just move some pieces semi-randomly early on and then develop a strategy once it starts to get interesting. Nothing really happens in the first like four turns anyway

crazy to think the devil (from the Bible) would have such a distaste for chess

Missing the punch line: "And they, were right."

there's a new trend i think going on where two players will take up a starting position of the middle of some old famous games from other well known masters

The fool didnt expect the sharts gambit

Chess should have some randomness to it in order to appeal to a more casual audience.

@thecannonball34

Ай бұрын

Absolutely. Give me Chess Kart.

@Revenge-fm9tt

Ай бұрын

I've seen variants that add in a deck of playing cards with special effects.

@videakias3000

Ай бұрын

@@Revenge-fm9tt really? Where?

@Revenge-fm9tt

Ай бұрын

@@videakias3000 I dunno if it's still available but "knightmare chess".

@satgurs

Ай бұрын

There's a variant of Chess called Chess960 invented by former World Champion Bobby Fischer. It was invented due to him believing that chess is focused too much on theory nowadays, and should instead be based on raw ability. What it does is it randomizes the position of all the pieces on the eight and first row, making for a total of 960 unique combinations (hence the name, Chess960).

Is anyone going to ignore that it’s the paper Mario wiki the name?

@caitlinabbott7895

Ай бұрын

Did you know the person who made this post played The Devil from The Bible in the Shadow The Hedgehog Real Time Fandub?

Aw, you’ve fallen straight into my trap, and in approximately 21 moves, I’ll be able to play the American Gun.

My two favorits chess opening variation names are the Nescafe-frappe attack and the frankenstein-dracula variation. Yes, they exist, look them up

When I play chess, it all comes out the same way. I try to predict my opponent's responses to my moves and usually can't go two or three imaginary choices in advance. TBH, chess is most fun (to me) when your only knowledge of the game is how each of the pieces move, and how to win the game. If I know "check" and "checkmate", and can move my pieces, I can win. I need no study or analysis, only consistently practicing the game by playing it. I didn't even have to be told to try and predict the opponent's next move: that immediately came to my mind without teaching, because it was a natural conclusion. I had no idea until just last week that you could do a "king me" with a pawn if you moved it all the way to the other side of the board (replace it with another non-king piece, even a queen). I thought that was House Rules and checkers, but it's not...

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

Replacing your pawn with a new piece when it reaches the last rank is called promotion. Promotion to a queen is called queening; promotion to any other piece is called underpromotion. I gotta say, as a chess player, it feels weird to see the phrase "even a queen" here. Queening is such a presumed default to me, as the situations where you would want to underpromote are so rare. It's honestly a bit disconcerting to imagine chess without promotion. What, once a pawn reaches the last rank, is it just supposed to sit there? Also, without promotion, pawns would suddenly be much less valuable, and the proportion of games ending in draws would MASSIVELY increase. Considering that you didn't know about promotion, I'm wondering if there are any other rules of chess that you don't know. If I may ask, are the terms "castling", "en passant", and "stalemate" familiar to you?

@technicallyinept2120

Ай бұрын

@@isavenewspapers8890I have no idea what en peasants is

@isavenewspapers8890

Ай бұрын

@@technicallyinept2120 The pawn's two-square move didn't always exist; it was invented around the 15th century to speed up games. It basically combined two one-square moves into a single move. However, there was a problem: using this new move, a pawn could safely skip past a square attacked by an opposing pawn. This messed with pawn interactions, which was a major part of the game. So they made another rule: if your opponent's pawn has just made a two-square move, skipping past your pawn's attack zone, your pawn can capture their pawn anyway. To do this, you pretend that their pawn moved only one square. Your pawn moves to the square that their pawn passed over, and their pawn is removed. This move is available only on the turn right after the opposing pawn's move. Basically, it's as if your pawn is intercepting the opposing pawn, capturing it "en passant"-French for "in passing". And so, with the addition of this new rule, the en passant capture was born.

Now think of that same amount of time and history but for some pvp videogame that somehow is still being played that far in the future. "Ah, i can see you are going for the Siberian Beta Gallop" (Russian dude rushing for B)

Fools mate and bongcloud are my favorites

If you play against a certain person enough, sometimes tailoring your strategy to that person can be more effective than trying to pull off a fancy move (I've desperately wanted to pull off a move I saw in a library book, called 'the seesaw' for years). My dad taught me how to play, and since he was the only other one in the family who was interested in chess, we played each other a lot. Over time, I realized that for whatever reason, he really valued his bishops, well above any other piece. I learned that I could make him dance circles around the board trying to protect them if I needed to. I still lost to him at least like 90% of the time bc he had so much more experience than me lol. I still daydream about being able to pull off a seesaw move. It's stupidly difficult to set up and really easy to break/make a mistake and fuck it up, but if you do it right, it's supposed to let you just go down a row, eating all of your opponent's pieces, while they can't do anything bc you keep putting their king in check by the way you move.

I play my Blue Eyes White Dragon and banish your Queen to the Shadow Realm! AAAHHHHH!

Add to that , chess hasn't received a single update or DLC since its release 2000 years ago.

@yjlom

Ай бұрын

WRONG! pawn promotion, en passant, and castling are moves introduced in updates plus the 50 moves rule is fairly new too and has been updated multiple times in the 20th century

@krateng

Ай бұрын

Also there is no season pass and no unlockable skimpy outfits for the Queen from lootboxes that you get for finishing each game.

@jacks1368

Ай бұрын

@@kratengYou buy the skins you want directly from the store, no gambling mechanics, because it’s an old fashioned game like that.

@jordanhester4821

Ай бұрын

they should just shut down the servers, dead game

@CalvinNoire

Ай бұрын

​​​@@krateng Newsflash buddy. If you even remotely touched chess before.. Then you would know that you can change the look of: pieces, backgrounds, and the board. There are skins in chess, both online and physical! My favorite for casual play is the newspaper skin, it's such a vibe.

Hit em with the Bongcloud Attack

Oh, the Queen's Gambit Declined, Cambridge Springs Defense (Pillsbury variation)

Wow it's a post by Scout Papermariowiki Clown_Depot Young She played Memphis Tennessee, The Devil from The Bible and Mikeaplier from Snapcube's Real Time Fandub Games videos

or once you lose they say "did you really think that i didn't notice that you wanted to do the dragon chocolate buster move, that's why i used the mightypoo's car pees move to counter you"

This just makes me think of the Lackadaisy short where Mordecai and Viktor are playing chess, and Mordecai is trying to figure out which strategy/opening Viktor is using, but Viktor is just like, "I took your bishop. That's it. That's literally it."

*Moves king* "Ah, so youve gone for the kings CBT. Very well, a very smart move on your part."

Chess players when you show them the undefeatable "King's Table Flip" -(You just flip the board)- : 😱

Ah, the infamous Bulgarian Balltwister.. how cleaver

I've never been this early to a Jeaney Collects video

You take the two rooks and your opponent starts talking about 911

I had a friend who said that in “approximately 21 moves I will have won.” Something around that mark and I had lost to an absolutely brilliant checkmate.

The only inaccurate part is where they say "approximately" because they know EXACTLY how many moves are on the timer to your inevitable demise.

@hayhorca915

Ай бұрын

This is a nice thought but unless there is a clear mating sequence in 1-3 moves, the large majority of chess players wont actually calculate, like, 37 moves to checkmate. Theres so much that can happen in this span of time that you cannot give a definitive answer at this scale.

@alecrutz6979

Ай бұрын

@@hayhorca915 "mating sequence" 🤣🤣🤣

"you've fallen for my trap card" "Dude this is chess" "GET BANISHED TO THE SHADOW REALM"

Reminds me of the multiple hours of me playing Chess on coolmathgames against people while swearing like I was on a fps game

pretty much only Magnus is THAT dedicated, most of us still make horsey noises moving the knight. Come on in!

@yjlom

Ай бұрын

and even he knows to have fun when he can

@alondjeckto

Ай бұрын

​@@yjlom bongloud online trolling

On my part the main thing that puts me off of playing chess is that there are still people who live and die by the scholars mate, so much so that they either mate you in 3-6 moves or they resign if you survive the 3-6 moves

@animefan7424

Ай бұрын

Get good and you won’t see that

@ayatoshintaro7565

Ай бұрын

@@animefan7424 nah I'm at 1000elo and only play as a hobby so I'm fine where I am

"Oh yeah, well I play 'cat' then." "Oh, what's cat, I haven't heard of that move?" *proceeds to dump catnip on the middle of the board while not breaking eye contact* "Oh you'll see. Here kitty kitty kitty!"

This is very accurate