I heard one therapist say, "You don't leave a narcissist, you escape."

@elenakaiser7195

2 жыл бұрын

🤣

@pamhalula5503

2 жыл бұрын

So true!

@isabelvidal3584

2 жыл бұрын

Literally! I escaped the narc he got into a nasty and dark estate of mind

@sandyw1891

2 жыл бұрын

That is SO true. When I left with my kids and pets, I had help from my family and the plan was well organized - knowing that this is the most dangerous time for the escapee's. The narc looses control over you, they know you have them figured out and that they aren't going to change - and to them, that's like death. But we made it out safe and sound thanks to my Mom and Brother.

@lisacranmer8005

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I escaped from the toxic people, almost died, had no idea what he was, all of them are nuts, think they are Special, put me down for zeroooo, and I was yelled at for so much, silent treatment was terrible..I have no IDEA how I put up with all of this, when I fought back he got more upset and phycopath type, this was TOXIC...Thank Jeh God I left the house, it was a miracle I got out, even my pains were "all in my HEAD" WOW, I had gastroparesis and he was there in the hospital...still yelling at me in the hospital, no Empathy is right, getting upset with me when I was with a iv in my arms and I was getting yelled at, said not my GAME, I had no IDEA I was playing games with a Lier from the start, just lies on lies, he did smear my name all over, they even told me the Wickedness he said. He really played victim all over, while I was in hospital and homeless, he was on cruise ship living it up...All I said is the TRUTH, he also was a alchoholic, it's his family who created him... enabelers for him to play GAMES...I did zero...both my adult KIDS went against me...I would love to talk in Private...my mom did not even tell me till after what he said behind my back... They knew I was sick and in constant pains... RESPECT for my life was NEVER there..My own FATHER put me in his toxic drama and I only help other's with my heart and Saul to be USED..I see it all, my OWN kids Played games over and over, the girlfriends and husband's all judge me, for being shy and quiet trying to keep peace...

'Exhausting' is a perfect word to describe trying to have a conversation with a narcissist. I also think of it as 'crazy making'

@WandaWojcik

2 жыл бұрын

I just called my friend "exhausting". If I disagree, she acts like I am deliberately being contrary to everything she says which is NOT true. I just don't agree w/her, but deliberately? Never. It is exhausting!!

@angelaharris1112

2 жыл бұрын

Not even a possibility anymore...

@mattdonna9677

2 жыл бұрын

I don't even try any more, total waste of time.

@michiganmymichigan

2 жыл бұрын

Can not get the time back, though I can heal from the crazy making.

@canduscanty8583

2 жыл бұрын

Yes draining,!

I find it remarkable that they manage to make any little thing into an argument. It's amazing to me.

@teresarenee3829

2 жыл бұрын

Yup...which means you can't have a conversation with them, especially about important things, your own needs.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

It’s their “skill.” Ugh. Dr. C

@Jessica-zf2df

2 жыл бұрын

And have you believe that you're the problem! It's like they all learned from the same text book.

@FifthHorsemanofApocalypse

2 жыл бұрын

@@teresarenee3829 You're so right ! My parents will take anything that I've shared with them in confidence (deeply personal things or important decisions) and use it in an argument to mock and insult me! That's very hurtful and a shameful tactic to use! They've even ridiculed me because of my incurable health issues and called me weak

@teresarenee3829

2 жыл бұрын

@@FifthHorsemanofApocalypse sounds familiar...I remember being called a hypochondriac because I didn't feel good alot growing up, now I know it was most likely the onset of fibromyalgia, from child hood trauma being in foster care, then having a narc mother that was triggering it...

What’s difficult is trying to tell others that this person is a narcissist. Especially the covert kind. Charming and sweet to them, but if you’re their target, look out. People start thinking you’re crazy because they just can’t see that side to the narcissist because they hide it in front of others.

@Sam48772

Жыл бұрын

So true. False face covers false heart!

@butterfly7624

Жыл бұрын

💯

@mireadossantos4610

Жыл бұрын

It sounds like my husband

@Jessica-zf2df

Жыл бұрын

I agree. Even my friend keeps saying how nice the narcissist is. She's minimising my pain by doing this.

@Survivin2Thrivin

Жыл бұрын

💯 ... People who DO "GET" what narcissists are about say DO NOT TRY TO INFORM OTHERS OF THE MUTUALLY KNOWN NARCISSIST'S LABELED DIAGNOSIS. LET THEM FIGURE IT OUT IF THEY CAN IN THEIR TIME AFTER THEIR EXPERIENCE

You can never talk with them on hurtful things they have done to you. It becomes an "argument" to them when you are trying to communicate with them on anything they have done to hurt you

@treeseneese8655

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly true

@deniseelsworth7816

2 жыл бұрын

Yes but I also find they do the can't see you can't hear you stunt if you challenge them. They act like they haven't heard you.

@karenjstokes

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely !!!

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

They won't receive the truth. Without knowing the truth, there's no hope. They're stuck, in bondage, neurological bondage. SMH.

@karenjstokes

2 жыл бұрын

My Narc friend would just talk over me when challenged on anything. He would often contradict himself on things, and when I tried to clarify what he actually meant, he would get very defensive and nasty. He put me on a pedestal at the beginning of our friendship, making all sorts of promises of loyalty and always being there for me and never letting me down. But then when I mentioned that he doesn’t seem to make time talk to me anymore, he claimed he was very busy, and that I was being ridiculous and my comment was unfair. But he then proceeded to send me lots of photos of himself out socialising VIP style with his friends. When I told him my feelings on this he hung up on our call and I haven’t heard from him since. So I think I can safely say that it wasn’t a sincere friendship after all.

Imagine the narcissist thinking that the victim is the real narcissist.

They seriously do all of this and then tell you that you’re the one doing it. It is mind blowing.

@ilektrakaratasiou3352

2 жыл бұрын

I think it is called projection.

@alanaadams7440

2 жыл бұрын

Now that's crazy 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@carolnahigian9518

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! the PROFESSIONAL Victim; sissysibling - he Weaponizes every event- ruins weddings, birthdays!!!!

@suzesinger6762

2 жыл бұрын

@@carolnahigian9518 ....CooooOOOS it is NOT aboooUUUT HIM !?!? ;)

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

They are Not well. With them, everything is inverted, black is white, up is down, they're mad (as in madness.)

It took me almost 50 years to realize I wasn't the problem. It took me 6 months to then change my approach and cut ties with my non-brother and a couple of toxic, manipulative "friends". The time for rebirth and self-affirmation has come and it feels soooooooooo good.

@Dbb27

2 жыл бұрын

Let go of a friendship of 50 years realizing what a narcissist she is. Was at her happiest and heard from her the most when I was having a rough time.

Just coming back to say I made it out! Thank the heavens and people like Dr. Carter for raising awareness of NA. I am so proud to say I can finally protect myself and I am free from my abuser!

@heatheregger8808

2 жыл бұрын

Wow! Thank goodness! I wish you peace and happiness for the rest of your life

@tolgaatalay8044

2 жыл бұрын

That's wonderful news Regards Wendy

@sharoncarroll9657

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!

@mdee860

2 жыл бұрын

👏👏👏

@flowers6576

2 жыл бұрын

@ActiVestor: Congratulations!!!😃👏👏

"I don't need to filter who I am through you anymore". Mic Drop!

A dear counselor I worked with always said it like this..."Get out of the dance." I love that and often remember that strategy! Thank you so much for all your wonderful advice! Peace is a goal for my health.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Dance elsewhere! Dr. C

@bestself701

2 жыл бұрын

Looppp

@karaslittleone384

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism o

@joeblogs9362

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism do you have videos of telling people not to take the jibby jabby that they can get heart problems and Strokes from maybe blood clots.

@joeblogs9362

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism i asked you a question????

Don't let narcs turn you into a defensive person suffering from narcissistic abuse syndrome! You can heal!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Right! Dr. C

@eternalstudent7461

2 жыл бұрын

♥️

@lindawise5546

Жыл бұрын

Yes. They still have control over you until you break away completely. Then you really begin to heal. All the coping behaviors you put in place just to SURVIVE can fall away.

@looweegee252

Жыл бұрын

@@lindawise5546 You can heal, as can anyone! Anyone can heal, even narcs So far I have helped 3 narcissists totally heal, they don't even have tendencies anymore. One of them became a really good mother! Anyone can heal, never let anyone tell you otherwise!!! It's similar to alcoholism, in almost every way.

Absolutely! You must surrender to your ego in order to do this. It’s okay to let them have the last word, say hurtful things, insult you or rude. It’s a reflection of their immaturity to your decency when trying to address a concern in a civil manner. Normalize winning within yourself by not having to always prove your motives or intentions to someone who is clearly unhealthy.

@ASMRyouVEGANyet

2 жыл бұрын

BINGO! Even if your last word is logical and perfect they'll need to say something in retort, whether it makes sense or not. It'll just keep going. They must win at all costs, no matter if they look foolish. So, save yourself from looking foolish. Never argue with a fool, you might end up becoming that which you despise.

@shewins3775

2 жыл бұрын

@@ASMRyouVEGANyet So very true!

@jasonsneeden5934

2 жыл бұрын

I see everyone's responses are alike. And I want to learn to be on team healthy in all weather. I knew I was trying to show my people how they were being discounting and devaluing, I did not realize they were drawing me into combativeness. Thank you Dr. Carter

@canduscanty8583

2 жыл бұрын

Will do !! thanks for sharing needed this!!

@shewins3775

2 жыл бұрын

@@canduscanty8583 So welcome!

They call you up to have a conversations with themselves and they constantly interrupt you.

I used to be quiet due to fear but now I’m quiet because I don’t want to get dragged down into the muck anymore. I feel more in control of myself and more at peace. They all wore me out to the point that I’m pretty sure that I have adrenal exhaustion. Plus I realized that those types of conversations were going nowhere. I’m feeling better these days.

An Aunt decided, when her husband was dying, that I was going to be his replacement as Adversary. I was absolutely not going to engage in that way and had to go 'no contact'. Team Healthy is the way to go.

I always wondered why people freeze when in confrontation with a narcissist but now I realize it was for a good reason.

They are so exhausting because they always ready for a fight and don’t feel low because of it

They seem to pick fights with you when you’re least expecting and not prepared. You end up responding in a way that makes things worse. You give them more ammunition than they already had. STOP. PREPARE. THINK. RESPOND. In that order

@eternalstudent7461

2 жыл бұрын

♥️ Excellent reminder, Thank you. I can't even describe how I feel after N catches me off guard and sucks me into that horrible gaslit vortex. It's like a nightmare.

@jackiep5009

2 жыл бұрын

I picked up because it was my birthday. I got a circus. Disregulation. Triangulation. Shame . Secrets. Abuse heaped on SG and myself. Team healthy. I am not the problem but I could use the life skills coach of someone to talk to

@raineliawylde1197

2 жыл бұрын

Combative ! When daughter had covid virus , l asked her on txt - "How is the virus?" and was beaten down for not saying " How are YOU ?" Later when she claimed 'long covid' , and l asked what effects she was experiencing , she was again accusatory as to that l had not asked about HER . Thanks Dr. Carter for clarifying this messy stuff.

@pamnz4181

Жыл бұрын

@@raineliawylde1197 I was schooled over how to respond to a simple ‘Good morning’ text. Apparently not ok to respond with ‘nice day’. He said if we were together and he said good morning it was equivalent to me staring out the window and saying nice day. In my head I’m thinking, it’s a text FFS! Early on I also got the talk about texts being his love language. He felt ignored if I didn’t text him. I would respond to texts but wasn’t that proactive while st work. I prefer a quick phone call but even then I felt I had to and it was a control thing.

@francesbernard2445

Жыл бұрын

When you are least prepared is right. None of us can have an airtight safety plan for when that might happen again while getting all of our ducks in order which only includes us alone.

Thank you for your teachings. My mother has narcissistic personality disorder. She is now 90. Lives at home., no one else speaks to her. I am attempting to deal with her as her only daughter. She has been kicked out of a nursing home prior. I find very short visits taking care of food, pharmacy trips, banking trips and always leave her within 23 hours does the trick. I fear what is next. She is the worst kind of narcissist. Like she could actually be the devil. Thank you for your real ness. Only those who truly know one, knows one.

@libbylandscape3560

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like my mother, only mine’s deceased. When I found out she had died, a huge weight was lifted, I was free, because I knew she couldn’t hurt me any more. Relief not grief was what I felt, and have never had regrets for those feelings. When people deliberately cause that much pain, then laugh in your face while watching you experiencing it, there’s no reason for them to complain over not receiving compassion and kindness from their victims. So don’t be surprised if you’re not crushed with the loss when she passes, but relieved, and maybe even a wee bit on the happy side because you don’t have to deal with that craziness anymore. It’s a natural reaction to escaping your life-long bully. Take care.❤️

@givemeabreak610

2 жыл бұрын

@@libbylandscape3560 Thank you for sharing honest feedback about those feelings. My husband feels this way about his Mother. I used to think it was horrifying for him to say that he will never mourn or feel sad about her not being in his life. 23 years later, I understand those feelings. His Father is a co-dependent to his grandiose narcissistic Mom and they just love to control their adult sons (all in their 50's) by hanging carrots of money or inheritance. My husband finally told his Parents he craved unconditional love not money. "If you're just adding stress to my life then I don't want you in it." It has helped immensely with him setting those boundaries, but she has now prayed upon the other adult sons making their lives miserable. All of the sons have childish responses to family drama. I've seen everyone have outbursts and uncontrolled crying. Their wives secretly share the control they want in their lives. It seems to have a life-long, series of emotional issues when you are a child of a Narcissistic Parent. :(

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

@Cherrie Richardson Did I read that correctly? You said you only make very short visits, and yet you wrote that you leave within 23 hours? You spend 23 hours with them? (That's not brief.)

@birgithausted7927

2 жыл бұрын

Wowwee!! That’s exactly my Mom. There are several facilities that will not accept her. Yet I have been here thinking I can help for almost 4 years and lost myself in the process. I really didn’t want to place her in a nursing home. However if I don’t do something to create space I will be t next admission…😩

@lindasandhop2219

2 жыл бұрын

Message me! How do I continue helping with the bank account? He does not want anyone to have access but I know he’s messing it up.

This. Exactly this. The more self-controlled I because, the more it upset the N, who became furious that he wasn't running the scenario anymore.

I'm a quiet person, narcs nightmare lol There are truly times I don't speak because I don't want to over analyze. I see narcs scrutinize me and keep grilling me because they can only thrive around me if I give into that. Now I know my truth. I'm a quiet person and that's how it will be, no matter what reasons the narcs may come up with because as we all know they never stop.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Your lack of histrionics can baffle them. Stay steady, Erum! Dr. C

@bc2578

2 жыл бұрын

Keep smiling, it drives them crazy. Narcs have a guilty conscience, and need constant reassurance that you haven't seen through them and their bs. Your silence makes them uneasy. When a narc is comfortable around you, it is only because you have behaved in a way that reassures them, and that behavior makes you weak. You are strong, so go ahead and be strong.

@ErumEhmad20

2 жыл бұрын

@@bc2578 perfectly put! Thank you for the encouraging words :)

@masterdaveedwards

2 жыл бұрын

As in the words of Dr C...the gift that keeps on giving

@ummemaan123

2 жыл бұрын

This is the best tactic.. Recently did this with two narcs in my life and it is new for them, as for me! They just do not know what to do. And grey rock, limited contact...add that and its the best survival if you just can't cut off totally.

I grew up with a narcissistic father , I’m 69 tomorrow. I was physically and verbally abused by him . I was 16 when I challenged him at the kitchen table for punching me on the back of my head on Thanksgiving dinner . My youngest brother and sister were throwing food at each other and he told me “ don’t just sit there make them stop ! “ after which he slugged me . I remember standing up and telling him if he ever hit me again I was going to kick his arse . He sat there with a scowl and said “ is that a fact ?? “ . You could’ve heard a pin drop ...I told him to step outside and I even kicked him and I told him he better kill me because I would keep getting up and going after him until I killed him . He never touched me again .

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

No kid deserves that, period. BTW, Happy Birthday! Dr. C

@teresarenee3829

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you, what a POS...

@libbylandscape3560

2 жыл бұрын

With somw narcs, allowing them to realize you mean business and have the power to truly hurt them, they back down and leave you alone. There are other narcs that this doesn’t work on. Glad it worked for you. ❤️

@normastone1044

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you!!

@FLMegan

2 жыл бұрын

Holy hek you had a very brave spirit inside you. That's an amazing story. You are a survivor and so glad you had the know how to do that at such a young age against such a evil being.

This strategy truly works! Once I stopped trying to explain and defend myself and simply not participate in their odd combative, forceful angry and intimidating discussion/ confrontations, they seemed baffled about how to proceed. They continued to try for many month's and actually, I simply stated, I'm not interested in toxic conversations. I didn't respond to rude and angry messages they sent me in massive rants and when they followed up, angry at my lack of response in any way, I simply said, "oh that's right, yes, I saw it but noted the disrespectful tone so I decided against reading it. Because that's toxic." Again they were so baffled and continued with the messages and I continued to not read nor respond to them. It was empowering not to feel like I needed to constantly try to prove myself and to make it known that not only would I not lower myself to that disgusting level of communication, it was unacceptable to me.

@carolhill8917

5 күн бұрын

A friend does long text messages (by voice), and I usually don't bother reading them especially if she's ranting about me. She's the narcissistic one. I don't her negative words in my mind.

@allyfrasier6306

5 күн бұрын

@carolhill8917 In my situation, this was the beginning of being capable of seeing and understanding who this person really was, and to emotionally disconnect and allow the space for my own thoughts and listen to my own feelings, and in time noticed how much better I felt in general. Like a strange fog was lifting, and like I was stepping out of a deep swamp I'd been physically bogged down in. And, in time, this ultimately allowed me to walk out the door, suitcase in hand, and no contact for over a year now. It was excruciatingly painful, but not a single day has gone by that I don't feel gratitude for having left. In fact, they were so unsafe I'm not sure I'd still be around had I stayed with them. I'm still picking up the pieces, and actually, their desire for control so strong that I recently discovered they'd hacked my Facebook account. There seems to be no moral code of conduct nor conscience or comprehension that such behaviour is not just unacceptable but also illegal. My advice to anyone who finds themselves in an intimate relationship with a bona fide narcissist is to get out, go no contact, and worry about picking up your life on the other side. Don't wait. But be strategic and safe because their behaviour can be volatile. And, if it's a 'friend', then my advice would be to stop all contact. When they inevitably start contacting due to their need for control and entitlement, be as evasive and boring as possible. Don't express interest in their activities and don't share yours. Don't encourage conversation. Pretend you're hectic to get someplace, but don't invite confrontation. When they confront you expecting you to fawn, expecting you to explain yourself, pretend you have no idea what they're talking about, you're just super busy, get off the phone as quickly as possible if they call or ideally let it go to message and don't call back. Respond to text messages late, not immediately. If you run into them out shopping or wherever have something in mind that you know you're going to use as an excuse to rush off. Say hello and be polite, but pretend you're so rushed and late to get to an appointment. Simply be too much trouble and too boring for them to pursue. If they're in a shared friend circle, be mindful of the fact that they will also be seeking information about you from shared friends and might also be planting seeds of toxicity in friends minds about you so that friends believe and side with them. This is to maintain their status, avoid being exposed, and feel in control of discarding. So be careful what you share with common friends because the narc might be hearing all about you. Ultimately, my advice to anyone involved with a narc whenever possible to get away and remove them from your life as much as possible. It doesn't change. It only gets worse. They are not going to change. They are comfortable and content with their behaviour, but deep down, they're empty, shame filled, and very low self-esteem individuals who will project their very worst insecurities onto you. They are toxic and dangerous and can do significant harm if you allow them into your life.

It's so confusing to deal with someone who builds you up one minute, can be so loving, attentive and sweet and the next malicious, cold and vindictive. Threatening, verbally abusive and even physically threatening. It's exhausting and very sad...

IGNORE them, if at all possible. It will leave you with peace-- eventually AND will force them to stew in their own juices. Narcissists cannot hear and understand rational statements that do not put them on a pedestal. They simply are not capable of it. Don't waste your time or energy being combative with them or trying to go toe to toe with them.

I used this exact technique this Christmas 2021, my sister left the dinner table and expected to be fed in another room and demanded queendom! We ate without her and she continued to call me out and I wouldnt waste my energy and time doing this dance Ive been raised with and had to go along with all my life. I SIMPLY AM TOO TIRED for this game at this point in my life.

@FLMegan

2 жыл бұрын

Amen to that

I have a family full of narcissists. I feel like my soul is exhausted. This explains it.

I finally won. After years of dealing with a narc sibling, other people started seeing her for what she is and called her on it. Now not only did she not go to our brothers wedding and Thanksgiving but she is refusing to be around anyone in our family and won't be doing Christmas gatherings. A couple family members called her on her lies and her constant need to put me down and I guess she didn't like that because she now blocked everyone and won't talk to anyone...its like a weight lifted off my shoulder and I feel safe for the first time in a long long time. I didn't even have to get my hands dirty. She fell from grace all on her own.

@nicoledburns82

2 жыл бұрын

@Mary Carroll I'm the oldest of 4, we have two younger brothers and growing up she always had issues with people. We are now in our late 30s so thats how long I have been dealing with it. The big change was my brother's wife...my sister tried to triangulate and get my brothers wife to not be around me but instead my now sister in law let her know how insane her issues with me were and that she would not be choosing sides. Shortly after that my sister was on speaker phone talking about me and my brothers soon to be wife and was caught by family members who then called her out on it. She ghosted everyone after that and only my parents have heard from her.

@reginafarias

2 жыл бұрын

Since I was 1 yo, I have a narc sibling making hell of my life. He showed his narc traits at very early age. Later on, he imposed his rules about everything relating to our parents' care and they both had a premature and agonizing dead. Now he is keeping my assets for almost 10 y. During the day, I can control it but, at night, when I close my eyes, I can't help but praying and wanting revenge, asking for something very bad to happen to him and his enabler, hidden narc, wife, who worsened him very much since she appeared in our lives. Well, at least I am immunized for good and never had a narc man in my life. When I see one, I just run for my life.

@evc3296

2 жыл бұрын

Omg - I can only hope and pray that this happens to me

@keplermission4947

2 жыл бұрын

@@reginafarias Yeah ... these genetic narcs are the psychopaths. They're uh ... true geniuses possessed by a Jinn with almost supernatural powers. As Dr. carter says, just stay away from these in particular. They have a way of grinning that is a red flag, one of many. Learn the behaviors.

@keplermission4947

2 жыл бұрын

@@reginafarias Psychopaths have a certain condition like members of the Addams family. It's a strange, eerie way of standing and looking that Hollywood has picked up on. They're dangerous, evil and very successful at persuading others. If you are able to perceive them, stay away from them, have no contact.

This is EXACTLY the right response. State the facts. Then create the boundary right there. Walk away.

A cure for anger is silence.

@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTiger

2 жыл бұрын

And breathing exercises, too. Walking, as well.

The KIND OF WISDOM that is so profound it can actually bring a tear to your eye...joy!

I am going to be my own self and am not going to participate in those dysfunctional games. I want to live my clean life with dignity, respect and civility! Thank you so much dr Carter.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

You sound like my daughter who just moved in with me. [I did not raise this one] She is leaving the miasma of narcissistic culture. We have wonderful mature conversations that she never thought possible.

@eternalstudent7461

2 жыл бұрын

♥️♥️♥️👍

I had a narcissist become very angry with me during a meeting in front of about 12 people at work. As he was blowing up, I knew he was going to lose his job over his outburst. Sure enough he was fired the next day, he had lost total control of his emotions. The odd thing was his argument with me was over nothing basically, he just had to "win".

@givemeabreak610

2 жыл бұрын

Imagine if your Narc husband is the one at work terrorizing people due to his lack of tolerance for doing things "his way." In our 50's, I can count several jobs where he's come home to tell me how he yelled at people or stomped his fist on the desk. He couldn't believe that I told him that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is it appropriate to act that way in a Professional environment or otherwise. But he learned this from his Narc Parents and his dad who did things "old school" and bragged about demeaning people. He's learned nothing though and still blames everyone everyday (at least to me) and he thinks of his co-workers as much 'smaller' people than he is.

@chriscosby2459

2 жыл бұрын

@@givemeabreak610 They are immature, if you call them on it, they will say you are paranoid.

@lovelily8310

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, to a narcissist, caring about social cues and others’ feelings is paranoia.

It's maddening. They is no reasoning with the unreasonable narcissist. Don't even try.

I go for a run! To channel my angry feeling towards narc !

@melissamackinnon1982

2 жыл бұрын

Me too!

@juliechurch1799

2 жыл бұрын

Good 👍. I still see flying monkeys ten but I just ignore . Several have appeared to startle me but you know TS them! It's become to obvious. Laughable

Have been "counter attacking" the narc (dad) since I was 16. I'm have been so accustomed to this behavior, it seemed to me to be normal. Always thought I was "broken". Looking back on it now, it's so obvious who is/was the broken one! My challenge now is to stop "counter attacking". Thank you for the validation and suggestions Dr. Carter. You have given me priceless knowledge about dealing with these broken people. You know these Narcs inside and out. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Best wishes moving forward! Dr. C

@tallguy8937

2 жыл бұрын

I’m there with you. I counter attack people who don’t deserve it. I spent over 50 years playing this game and it’s a habit I have got to break. There are no healthy people in my family. Having a disagreement in a healthy way is all new to me. Good luck.

@zenaidacarroll215

2 жыл бұрын

This is what I’m fearful of my own son (malignant narcissist) who has separated himself and family from me and all this side of family. From your perspective, growing up with this (my grandchildren seem very fearful and my almost 18 year old grandson -very defeated) how did you cope? Where you brainwashed? I am just so scared for the kids.

@looweegee252

2 жыл бұрын

Look for videos on narcissistic abuse syndrome You can heal!!

@looweegee252

2 жыл бұрын

Have you sought treatment? Kids don't end up that way on their own.

No Contact!

I have found that doing this drives them crazy! They now are twisting it that I’ve changed 😂

@lisataylor8732

2 жыл бұрын

OMG! You nailed it! That is exactly right.

@deniseelsworth7816

2 жыл бұрын

Yes same here.but I seriously don't care.

@joejohnson1843

2 жыл бұрын

You have changed I have to wonder what happened to the joe I used to know.

The ONE and ONLY rule of the game: KEEP THE GAME GOING -

Thank you for your validating content. You're a breath of fresh air in a world of gaslighting and narcissistic narratives

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

So pleased! Dr. C

Great counsel for those that need to persistently exist with narcissists. Best advice is to learn that they never change, they are more common than you would hope, and you should learn how to avoid them.

Those creatures just cannot stand peace. They need to create quarrel and conflict always.

"I'm not going to be your designated loser". I like that 😏 one. That's basically the message I gave my covert narcissistic mother when I went no contact with her even though I only outlined in a certified letter what 'no contact' means.

@schizorap

Жыл бұрын

Designated loser exactly

I finally said 'Stop. I can't do this anymore.' I also said, 'if we don't stop, one of us is going to have a heart attack or stroke'. I'm 73, he's 88, and we were together until 2010. My prediction is inevitable in our age group. Don't rush the onset of high blood pressure. There is a better way to live life. I'm wishing for you the wisdom and strength to choose the better way advocated here by Dr. Carter.

@sandyw1891

2 жыл бұрын

YES! There is a better way to live! Your remarks are SO TRUE. It affects your health in ways you can't even imagine! Living with a narc is NO way to live. God give us all strength!

My ex liked to go into rants and attack me for whatever imaginary transgression I might have done. When I figured she wasn't going to stop, I would jest stand up and walk out of the room. She'd eventually come to the room where I was. Only then could she talk in a respectful manner. As far as I could tell, she loved to fight about everything that didn't go her way. There was no me in our relationship - there was only what she wanted out of me.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

At one point mine said, "You piss me off so much I'm trying to have a fight with you and you won't give it to me." The whole time I'm thinking, "I just want the original Linda back" There never was one, apparently.

Alot of what they say is not even their business to begin with.....they do not have healthy boundaries.

You are so excellent. I am going through such a horrible situation with my sister and finally I said “Go to Hell” I am done. I know it probably isnt the best response but I have finally had enough from her cruel behavior and condescending remarks I learn so much when I listen to you and it gives me such comfort. Thank you! THis is so helpful

One day I had enough with a narcissist mother and her constant fight picking. I then gave her the silent treatment for 5 years straight until I was finally able to move out. She got more combative at first, but later she became so afraid of me that she purchased a little deadbolt and started locking her bedroom door at night. For the record I was never physically violent towards either of my parents. However, my use of the silent treatment in this case sent a clear message that I was no longer participating in her little games. Little by little she would become worn down and more insecure, as well as more careful and respectful towards me; but I still maintained the silent treatment until I was finally able to move out and I went full no contact. 25 years later, I am still a much happier person!

@brn2sor

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this. I cant get away from them right now and it s so hard

Getting entangled in a narcissist's snares of combativeness is like finding yourself starring at a Ringhal (Spitting Cobra), where they spit a stream of venom in your eye from 6 ft. away. Like Dr. C said.."Stop & walk away."

You are helping me so much in my final phases of healing journey through this abuse I started out alone reading articles on the internet 8 years ago now I have people like you and dr. Ramany and your calm honest voices. Thank you for validating what was happening to me when everyone around was dismissing.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

So pleased, Angela Marie. Dr. C

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism I can't help but wonder how many of these people have sought wisdom from counselors and received none, but found that wisdom in your videos. I would imagine, many. P.S. Why have so few counselors, over the last 40 years, known about narcissism?

Reacting that way would have caused a huge argument. Sometimes, talking rationally to them is what sets them off. Going gray rock is better.

I've stopped talking with my husband. Anything becomes an argument and I really got tired of his insecurities. I don't know for how long I can keep this way, time will tell .

I've been full-time caretaker for an 86 year old parent. An older sibling-who has always been a hothead- visited today and within the first 2 minutes from getting through the door "yelled at me to get a f***ing job" not realizing all the hourly responsibilities of taking care of a parent as well as myself. Did he pitch-in and help while he was here? He did not. I took myself for a walk away from the situation until he left. I was in fight or flight mode and for hours later, I felt like I was involved in a car accident. Too much cortisol.

1. How do you deal with it when they just talk over you? 2. And when they don’t listen or remember literally anything you say to them?

@denisesatt7044

2 жыл бұрын

Stop talking to the wall and go no contact. I didn't think it possible with my 60 yo sister because of family but I did it.

@ladyluck5248

Жыл бұрын

Remember they aren’t listening. Get out and go NO contact.

I am so glad you addressed how the narc tries to make you feel like you are coming after them when that is far from the truth.

As I watched this brilliant video of yours, Dr. C, I was reminded of this one time when I was busily cooking dinner, helping the kids with homework, and cleaning up around the house, when the covert, malignant sociopathic narcissist comes up very close to my ear and whispers "You can't outdo me!" And then he proceeded to offer the girls some money?! I was absolutely flabbergasted! This is the day that I realized that my marriage to "it" was a total competition and nothing more really. And I also have to concur with a few other comments saying that telling the narcissist to "stop" or "no" only adds fuel to the fire. This happened plenty of times with the narcissist slamming doors and cupboards or throwing whatever was closest to him or getting in my face directly, but I calmly stood my ground in walking away from him, and each and every time I did this, the narcissist began to fizzle out like a balloon losing air. I began to see it work perfectly, and I saved my energy and sanity. But please be very careful, because the covert, malignant sociopathic narcissist that I know would and did get physically abusive at times to where I was leaving in order to not get hurt. Every person's situation with a narcissist is different with each narcissist being on the spectrum of a 'garden variety' narcissist all the way up to the dark, dangerous, malignant narcissist. Just be safe in dealing with these deplorable people.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Once you see it you can’t unsee it. Dr. C

@cml2492

2 жыл бұрын

If you are able to leave him, do so asap. Mine was covert narc abusive verbally after I started saying "no" to myself and removed myself emotionally. He became really aggressive after that but he avoided physical attacks because these are more obvious evidence. Maybe you can put up with him since you have worked him out. But mine got so bad - he stopped working and tried to suck me dry and put me in debt. Now he is trying to sell the house after divorcing me when the kids are adults. Had I known about narcissism, I would have left him much much earlier. I survived because Jesus is my Saviour and I know He will fight for me in court.

@lyndabrown1626

2 жыл бұрын

@@cml2492 I totally understand where you are coming from at this point in your life. I am in the process of making a safe plan to leave and finally divorce him being that my two girls are grown now. He is using financial abuse at this point, so it is making things go a little slower than I would like, but I will get out. I am fully aware when leaving an abuser, especially a covert, malignant sociopathic narcissist like him, is the most dangerous time. I was also told by the narcissist that he could force me to sell the house right now because he doesn't want to work anymore either. However, in my case, four years ago the narc had the house put into my name only to protect the asset from someone who was trying to extort money from him for something he did in the past, which means I can sell it whenever I want to, and he now has no say in the matter. He is not too happy about that either...lol. It is so mindboggling how narcissists do and say the same things when doling out their never-ending abuse through all the different manipulation tactics they use. But as I said, I have my 'safe plan' on exiting this so-called 'relationship' in the near future and will be free once and for all. Take care and be safe at this critical time, C M. 🙏💕

@Cekatu

2 жыл бұрын

Yes Lynda, that perpetual competition that you never agreed to or signed up for.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

Best wishes of careful cleverness to you Ms Brown. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Similarly mine took a return-of-capital distribution from our business unwittingly giving me majority control. When she was blackout drunk she told me how she would kill me in my sleep. Restraining order the next day. Harrowing.

Very good advice. My sister and I have had issues for over 60 years. My hope was that it would mellow with age, but it just hasn't. So I need to just accept it is that way and not engage. Enough is enough.

@RealBradMiller

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, my mother has gotten worse with age. It seeps into their personality, and yours too, if you let it. How she used me and my siblings as pawns, and still uses one of them like that. Breaks my heart. I hope the best for you!

When theyre aggressive mean and taunting you, laugh in their face in a haughty way like you're amused, and stunned at their behaviour but just don't care! I've done that and watched the smugness drop off their face, and confusion prevail. ... It was sublime! Lol Sorry Dr C, resorting to game playing back, occasionally it's worth it though!

@deniseelsworth7816

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it's a great life when you don't take them seriously anymore.

@kathyadair8552

2 жыл бұрын

@@deniseelsworth7816 Aye. I'm Learning. HUMMM: "JADA. JADA." 🎶 ". .+. a..little ..Whistle = "J.A.D.E." for: 1. You Don't have to JUSTIFY. 2. Ya Can't ARGUE (w/ a Fool!) 3. DEFEND? ... You* are the "Defendant," buddy! 4. Don't waste your breath EXPLAINING. - And, Never* to them! Good thing I had 60+ Years invested in 🧠 to it! B/4,* my Brain was 💥! Bocca Region & All 3 Nervous Systems, etc. --> + 12. GONE! Still, REHABBING my Writing. With some 485,000+ Pc.s of the Jigsaw Puzzle back together - over 4.5 years - I'm getting close to that Masters on "U/Tube *U.*"! (On top of RN Student -> former: LPN, Assoc. of Sci. and MHW.) ☘ FUN: Finding & 'Filling the Gaps' on my REVIEWs + a 40 Year Update! As ea. 2 CHAN/ Algorithm Day "unfolded". Resercher, @ 💞! However, a B.A. in Psych, + 5 Areas of Neuro-Sci. for further Exploration, AND the solid-footing of a 4-way Intersect; would work, too. As long as there's NO B.S. Anywhere near* my Name!! Lol I'm good with That. 🤣 (Too damn Old 2 ever use it, anyway.) Have a SAFE & *Happy 4th of July Weekend!!* | 🇺🇸 ⚖ 🎆

I believe there is absolutely NO REALITY in a narcissist's life! If they are not aware that there is a reality, then HOW can we think they can ever be IN reality. Another reason they are so unaccountable!

I love that the way to victory is not to fight. I want to be on a whole other plane.

Once, I hung up on my sister mid sentence. I just cut her off. 5 seconds later she called and I answered (don't ask why) and she just continued where she was cut off, unstoppable. These people can have an amazing stamina in conflicts. They're machines And again, you can't fight crazy. You just can't.

My mother has cancer and as she gets sicker she becomes more and more controlling. She wants me to do whatever she wants when she wants. I just started saying no to some ridiculous things and she has not been calling me anymore. I feel guilty because she’s not well. She doesn’t want a daughter she wants a servant.

@teresarenee3829

2 жыл бұрын

Don't feel guilty, you are on team healthy...😉

"The best way for me to be in control is to cease trying to get control over you" Perfect For what good is it? They go out of their way to oppose and consider any different perspective! Controlling ourselves is the main thing Thank you so much, wise pep talk as usual 🙏

My mom suggested a response to a person who is picking an argument. She just looks at the person and says ‘Oh, is that what you think?’ If they don’t stop argumenting after that, then she says ‘Thank you for sharing’. End of conversation. Lololol

I had a repetitive interaction with a covert narcissist in which we would discuss over very trivial stuff, such as what shade of color my coat was. They would correct every statement and opinion I had, which was insulting to me. They would aggressively debate over that, and I would be pulled into a pointless argument over and over again. Eventually I would step back and say out loud I agreed with them just to end the discussion. However, it never felt right as this would just give them more power over me. And I felt as if I was in some kind of mind battle that I didn't like at all. So, I changed my tactics eventually. I would not debate further whenever we disagreed, I would just say something like this: OK, you see it that way, I see it this way and that's it. It felt much better as I would not have to withdraw in front of them, I would not even enter a discussion and I would keep integrity over my opinion and I seemed much more assertive. In return, they would try to further provoke me into a discussion, as this was not giving them a narcissistic supply. But I would keep my cool and this made me feel so good.

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

I recently charged my mothers rare visits looking for someone to reenact her terrible relationships by saying; " you feeling the need to correct , someone as her focus would be stuck in pointless corrections bi-passing anything more important

@stingingmetal9648

2 жыл бұрын

Wow thats amazing how similar the experiences are. Literally, over a color. HA! You could say the sky is blue and they will debate you as to why it's not blue. These people are soooo pathetic.

@sudhakhristmukti1930

2 жыл бұрын

They prod,provoke,goad..in many ways...and target empathetic,kind people who do not like arguements and confrontations.

Fighting off a narcissist is not a simple thing to do, especially when they are overly aggressive and intimately persistent. But it becomes much easier with time, practice and knowledge. Personally I have absolutely no worries whether a narcissist wants to escalate a situation or not, or wants to become aggressive or not, as I can take care of myself and kick the crap out of them if I wish so. I can also beat them in their own game of combative "discussion" as I have done in the past many a times. But it is definitely not worth it nor is the case with me, as I find it stupid , pointless and against my ethics to get into any sort of fight with a narcissist just because he/she wants to get his/her supply, fill in the blanks of their insecurities, obsessions, inferiority syndromes and control freak complexes, etc. Avoid narcissists as much as possible, as they are not worth your time, energy, effort and brain power. I find the above doctor spot on, on his remarks, once again.

@kennethlapointesongwriter3330

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, agree with everything you said here. I feel the same.

@lindabell2940

2 жыл бұрын

Man 0 man it hurts me,cause i finally told my sister horrible words,its been rough please tell me this it hurts, i know they can love somehow ,its like im supposed to forgive her my whole life was hurtful just letting her control me the bad bad hurtful things she could do to people man it hurts, i have deep compassion for my family,this is bad these kind of people, my sister is not evil, my whole life i say is she my sister whats wrong with her, they had theories, trauma my dad was a drunk we were poor,i always understood my dad had faults my mom had faults i would try to understand my mom and dads life, mom had no mom daddy was a whore the environment, our families ordeals why was i so caring and reasonable understanding family and the Lord is real,it hurts me cause i turn crazy about this i tell my self she has mental case bad,my Lord knows our suffering the devil the works in life im disappointment so much cause i never miss treated my big sister,its bad to watch this type of person her whole life she sick im not im a bad person in alot of ways its bad to watch people that has no feelings about others she has done act like kid sex is her drug and she hurt me in so many ways,i tell ya it hurts for me the way i finally told her how weak minded she is, the pain she has caused for the family she really does i have seen her destroy people, its like she is not responsible for her ways her sickness man my big sister is like a insecure on life 0 dear Lord my sister i cant forgive my self for telling her horrible words iknow retard people, slow people i know a lot of people there ways i got to tell my self she is sick,i will never blame my mom and dad our poor child hood our environment i will not blame,them yea we had trauma im sorry she became this mind set, i love my family i have always protected all of them our fall out happen, the damage sucks, she has bad behavior pattern now she lives,900 miles away bad mistake you get old and learn but not sick folks,what does she have,personality disorder no empathy being dum being mean,in control ,Lord help these people some of them are real bad no empathy

It is so hard to not defend yourself when being demeaned and insulted but I'm finding it takes practice. I have been saying when he can be civil I will discuss whatever he feels he needs to.

@ilektrakaratasiou3352

2 жыл бұрын

Observe don't absorb.

Please please do a video on the self-righteous narcissist! Thank you so much for your knowledge in your help.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Great suggestion! Dr. C

I am just trying to leave the relationship. I don't want to live like this anymore.

@dinafish6024

Жыл бұрын

Be strong! Life is too short!

My last conversation with a Narcissistic (used to be friend) was extremely shocking. After my initial stance, I then asked, " Am I on trial here?". They truly are some of the most deceived people on the planet. Do no waste your time or energy on them.

There was nothing mom loved more than a good argument. I could never understand why she disagreed with basically everyone in the family. Always tension! 😜

@sirtedricwalker2979

2 жыл бұрын

I think we have the same mother!

@bunnybubs757

2 жыл бұрын

They can somehow argue when you are helping them and Agree with them !! How ?? Its insane

Rage Nut . . . Mine started spinning himself up into a rage recently, and having learned that telling him to stop does not work, I tried to remove myself to the street to get away from him. He followed me, yelling at me so the neighbors would hear as he tried to humiliate me. I had put a little distance between us, but then he convinced me that he just wanted to talk calmly, and I let him approach. His smile turned to a smirk as he took joy in having fooled me into trusting him, and then he started raging again, screaming at me for the whole neighborhood to hear as I turned to hurry back down the street away from him. This is where I am beginning to realize that he isn't just raging because he is upset about things, this is literally a sick sport for him. That is why you can't simply tell him to stop, or he will even allow you to stop responding. He is in his element, he is in this battle he created to get the thrill of insulting and berating the h#ll out of you. Whatever you do, and it honestly does not matter what, and nothing can be more than something to this type, is fuel for him. I am actually starting to understand this better as I am writing it here, and why gray rock does not work with this type. It's because this type of Rage Nut doesn't really even need any more fuel than the fact your body is there, and when you remove your body from their sight, they simply build up more rage just waiting for the opportunity when you are around them again to unleash it.They feed on unleashing their anger on you. All that is required is you. It does NOT matter what you do or say, it is ALL wrong, and it ALL feeds their fire. If you have the type that does not respond to gray rock in an acceptable manner, get out. There is very little hope of any happy future with a Rage Nut. :(

@Dbb27

2 жыл бұрын

I do hope you manage to get away.

My narc mother , my son and I went Christmas shopping. Something my 7 year old said triggered her and she walked off and didn’t tell us where she was going. I called. I texted. She disappeared. My son was hungry and cranky so I drove him home and was gonna come back to get her in 15 mins (since she never answered me, I figured she was shopping) and then she walked home in 40 degree weather because she didn’t want me to know where she went and wanted to give me a reason to not go pick her up. From her point of view, I abandoned her at the outdoor mall. From my point of view I asked several times where she was and was going to come right back in 15 mins. Wth?

It seemed that my husband was so unhappy he stewed and schemed how to start a fight whenever I approached him...had big intimidating arguments all stored up. I got so tired of trying to diffuse the blowups that I started a new plan where I'd get up from the couch and walk out of the room when his voice started getting loud. He'd roar, "You can't walk away when I'm talking to you!" I'd say, "yes I can" and just keep walking. I'd go get busy in the garden or run errands. He discarded me of course.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

sweet relief

@melaw5

2 жыл бұрын

I wish - mine just keeps following me and getting louder and more aggitated.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

@@melaw5 I am sorry. In many ways there is no explanation. you may have to initiate a 4 year restraining order. I had a lawyer help me and it was worth the 600$

' STOP '- to myself. Invaluable tool.Invaluable advice. Thank you.

Being in competition is a game. Relationships are not games. When I was 10 my mother played scrabble with me and won every time, so I learned that relationships are not games. Now I choose not to play games, I choose to not engage. Engaging in games is a losing battle. It isn't who I want to be. Ever.

They put you in a spot where you have to become an asshole, because that is the only time they hear you and then label you an asshole. But I've also learned that after you cut the cord ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't even mention to anyone that you just cut the cord because they will act in such a way that their own actions will speak louder then my side of the story. Im just going to live my life doing what I want and that was all I asked for.

I have a narc that has decided to target me at work. She is now besties with our bosses boss and thinks she is rather important. She always played victim before but now goes against everything I do. Well I walked into work yesterday saying hello in general to the staff. She seemed in a mood after. Then when someone asked her whats wrong she said people are rude. I guess she wanted me to say hi "insert name" well I've done that and had no response. But I also normally say hi without the name. They will take whatever scraps you give and try and turn them against you.

Thank You Dr Carter, this is perfect for me to do better and not get tripped up with the narcissist. I truly am grateful for all your wisdom and e😊👍specially now at the holidays, I don’t know why it’s always worse at vacation time etc , but it’s never really good with a narcissist 😳 but team healthy is becoming very healthy

@kimberlymccracken747

2 жыл бұрын

🙏💕🙏💕🙏💕🙏💕🙏💕🙏

@tootienottoofruitie1726

2 жыл бұрын

Susan... I think largely they NEED to have the attention on them

@louisafoster1640

2 жыл бұрын

Don't beat yourself up, should you slip up. I find they're best avoided where possible!

@susanmunoz7688

2 жыл бұрын

@@tootienottoofruitie1726 Hi, that makes sense! Thank you for that ❤️ I wish you all Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2022

@susanmunoz7688

2 жыл бұрын

@@louisafoster1640 Hi Louisa, thank you for your encouragement, and I’ll be using your advice 😊 Have a Blessed Christmas and great 2022

Your videos are a blessing. I've gained so much knowledge on how to handle myself. Setting boundaries and staying firm is the only way to exist in a relationship like this.

Thank you for helping me feel more sane!

Unfortunately, society enables this behavior, especially in the workplace. But Dr. C’s advice is valid. About the only thing you can do is walk away, calmly if possible.

I love your Phrase as "I don't play your game of one up and one down." I would love to tell them that, but just thinking it helps instead. 😊

Im standing for respect, dignity and civility. That's not what you're offering. I'm gonna stand in my place of peace. Thank you Dr Carter.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You get it, Jillian. Dr. C

I’ll be 58 years old next month and what I see in this country of the United States is peoples lack of empathy. It’s like it’s going away. Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom. I have since sent you an email doctor I look forward to speaking with you soon. Merry Christmas and happy new year Rob.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

I have been a few places. it is the same everywhere.

@Dbb27

2 жыл бұрын

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 I was thinking the same. Unfortunately, mental health awareness is sadly lacking worldwide. Thank goodness for the internet and a massive number of people are becoming aware.

@sandyinsc5024

2 жыл бұрын

I see people accusing others of being narcissistic to give themselves an excuse for rude and selfish behavior. It seems like these are the narcs instead of those they accuse.

@sandyw1891

2 жыл бұрын

I totally get your comments. It's like a can of crazy has been opened. It's NOT normal.

Stop! I'm not rearranging, filtering, changing me for you! I'm a "completer," not a "competer". I am not going to join you in making me a lesser version of myself. I'm non- combative and choose to stay that way. I see straight through you as I am making my way to my place of peace. I am working to complete the best version of me that I am meant to be!

This is gold. I already think this way, but I haven't successfully remained unemotional and handled it well more than a couple times. That's the battle.

Every little itty bitty tidbit helps. A sincere 'Thank you' for partly paving the way to my salvation. Bless your heart, mind and soul Dr. Les.

It's very hard to find a good position. You're either a silent pushover, or you get drawn into conflicts. The black-and-white-thinking and the aggression, seems to rub off on people around the narcissist. Distansing yourself and staying calm, is all you can do... But no matter how quiet and diplomatic you are, you will be attacked in some way. It's deeply unfair. And deeply provoking.

@shantellcobb7067

2 жыл бұрын

Yes Lord 🙏...

@shantellcobb7067

2 жыл бұрын

@@janasmith2463 even animals are nicer than them🤦

"Stop". I dig it sir. Reminds me of a Mad TV sketch. Hold up, I was talking about a tv show from the 90's, but life with narcs is maddening living. "Stop". Peace

Many of these scenarios are assuming the narc has nothing you need, but if they hold hostage something you need, getting it from them is impossible. They're like brick walls and it doesn't matter what anyone else needs, thinks, or wants, if the narc doesn't want you to have it, you're screwed. You can only have it when it's on their terms, when it's convenient for them. I don't know how to reason with that! I've never known anyone like this person.

Good to STOP and follow DRC. 🙏Thank you Dr Carter Sir. ☺️

I’ve stopped trying to work with a no-win situation. Now I seek to own my freedom to heal and to learn how to enjoy my life. I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin.

“The narcissist automatically wins when you step into their game of combativeness”. Bingo!

The sad thing is they literally believe you are the problem 🤦‍♀️😓 How they turn it right into an argument and competition is spot on! And so frustrating… Agree that mirroring doesn’t work! Trying to talk calmly with them doesn’t work either, just invites more abuse… Better to run away, fast 💨

i am gobsmacked (to coin a phrase) by the narcissist. they actually said when I was putting stock out '...... will go mad at you for doing that?' (because I placed them on a shelf while tagging them)???? this is bizarre, who is going to 'go mad' at an adult woman in work???? the woman is crazy. she will also say go and get such and such QUICKLY. iI is most infuriating, it is like, are you implying that I am slow? which I am not as they have me run ragged. She says this every so often and I am furious for a moment. i need to ring the book when pleasing u is killing me. As the constant criticism, harshness is ever changing and moving goalposts or a 'new rule' will be invented. it is classic bullying. i am ready to make a sharp exit after nearly 2 yrs and can't wait to go back to limited hours. Countless staff have left and they can't keep staff.

@lizstewart1532

2 жыл бұрын

LP, keep notes if you can, times, places etc. 🙂

@luvyatubers

2 жыл бұрын

It's the Wal-Mart way that most businesses adopted. Treat employees like shite so they will quit on their own. Then hire a replacement at a lower wage. You have been there long enough for a raise so must get rid of you

@lp9155

2 жыл бұрын

@@lizstewart1532 i am. thks.

Dr Les describes exactly my mother’s tactics on every occasion we had contact in my adult life. Even calmness seemed to antagonise her. You can’t get it right with a true narc. Nothing calms or mollifies them. You can’t love them out of it. Their hearts are wire-locked to anger, competition and malicious manipulation. I stopped arguing but eventually there was just no relationship there that was bearable, so I broke away. Wish now I had done it years earlier!

They toy with a person's ego; so, if the victim isn't aware of his/her control over the ego, an endless vicious cycle will be inevitable. Identify and affirm the other party is a Narc and walk away outright.

They don't even need to escalate a difference of opinion: they create arguments.

@rebeccacory7945

2 ай бұрын

My husband used to accuse me of “enjoying arguments” a lot!! I finally told him I despise arguments but if he comes at me looking for one, I’m capable of burying him with truth and logic, and won’t hesitate to do it. That if HE wanted the arguments to stop, he needed to stop CREATING them and open his mind a tiny little crack to let someone other than himself be heard. We hardly EVER argue any more!! 👍🎉