When they criticize you endlessly, just remember. It's not because you're not good enough. It's because they're not good enough. "It's not me, it's you."

@PassionateFlower

11 ай бұрын

I had a guy dump me because he said I was unstable. Then he was evicted from his room rental, his vehicles got flooded in a storm, and he 5150'd himself...because I was the unstable one in all this...RIIIIGHHTTT🙄😒

@arcturianoracle784

8 ай бұрын

Idk why this is so hard to remember sometimes or even when I remember it can be so irritating anyway. Like when it's straight projection and I know he's trying to inflict me with a pain that he himself feels and believes about himself (and not really about me). It just makes me so angry that anyone would even try and do that and I argue back because I want him to "know" that I'm not getting fooled by it but ironically I'm getting sucked in all the same 🫠🙃.

@rde4017

8 ай бұрын

A narc's criticism of you or others is just psychological projection.

@cpesq.5884

7 ай бұрын

​@rde4017 it's eerie though how true that is scary stuff

@richmanning4635

7 ай бұрын

It's even deceptive in its simplicity..... once the trauma bond is broken, it's obvious. A close friend may have already seen this from far away.🙏👍

One day, after some years of being told "You did that wrong" o r"(he) could have done it better" I turned to him and said "You have said that so many times about so many things that it just really doesn't have any meaning anymore. From now on you mind your manners when you talk to me!" Watching him go silent and gape like a goldfish from shock, was one of the most gratifying moments of my entire life.

@jemjem9699

2 ай бұрын

Ill note that and practice in front of a mirror😂😂

Whenever a narcissist tries to attack my character I just smile extra big and say “nice try but I am awesome and everybody knows it” it drives them absolutely insane because they could never feel that confident with themselves and it shows that I’m immune to their tactics

@tlovesgreens8244

29 күн бұрын

😂 You Will creates major narcissistic injury.. so watch out.

Narcissists’ best attack is ANGER Narcissists’ best defense is ANGER When silent, a Narcissist displays quiet ANGER, REJECTION & DISDAIN. (And it’s all YOUR fault! Lol!)

They act like they know it all. 🙄 They will not take any advice from anyone. They are liars and very arrrogant.

💯💯💯"Chronic fault finders" is the exact definition for narcissists. Thank you Dr. Carter🙏🏻❤

@susannakotoff7095

Жыл бұрын

and crossing boundaries for u but won t tolerate it on them

@Juke582

Жыл бұрын

And when they can’t find fault in us, they will make up something crazy to insult you about! Just crazy abuse.

@Aphrodite-fh3vk

Жыл бұрын

@@Juke582 Yes, that's the worst part!

@deborahcollins1100

Жыл бұрын

Yep love this term. It definitely describes my narcissistic husband

@shiny7301

Жыл бұрын

@@deborahcollins1100 And also definitely describes my ex-narc husband and his narc-family..

I like Gus' level of unbotheredness. No narcissist can penetrate his armor🙏 We should all be like Gus😂🙏

@jacquelinefroehle5868

Жыл бұрын

That's right. Gus is the BEST !!

@sylviadonoghue2195

Жыл бұрын

Perhaps we should refer to our response to a narcissist as "Giving the Gus".

@youaremyreward8138

Жыл бұрын

@@sylviadonoghue2195 so funny but TRUE

@eileensmith6459

Жыл бұрын

You gotta love Gus! He's soo chill!

@curlygirl-sw3md

Жыл бұрын

here for Dr. Carter, staying for the GUS comments!! Bahahahaha

They never apologize for their mistakes - but their triumph look when u apologize for yours is amazing

@MsTygame

Жыл бұрын

I agree! Never admitting they are wrong and getting an apology will happen when hell freezes over. But they are sure to point out minor mistakes - true or untrue- others make.

@its4yourowngood_yvfw

11 ай бұрын

They cherish and weaponize your apologies. Saying sorry or admiting wrong to them is damn near dangerous so to speak.

@marthajohn7936

9 ай бұрын

Very true 😂😂😂

@AlecRodriguez-gw7nj

3 ай бұрын

What mistakes? Do they make mistakes? 😂

@cynthiawhite1122

2 ай бұрын

Ahhh! The smirk and the smile.... makes my blood boil!

Unsolicited advice= criticism. Insightful

@louiseelizabeth9613

Жыл бұрын

How does that work when we try to offer them advice though? My nex used to do an awful job of household chores (to try and get me to do it) and I'd try really nicely to offer different ways to do it but it would always end up in argument. I guess I was criticising the job he was doing, but he was pretending to be incompetent at a simple task so he didn't have to do it 😑

@janiceweed9198

Жыл бұрын

@@louiseelizabeth9613 I totally understand! It can be learned helplessness, in order to get you to do things for them they don't want to do or feel are beneath their dignity or not worth their time.

@louiseelizabeth9613

Жыл бұрын

@@janiceweed9198 yes I honestly think he thought his time was more valuable than mine, he worked (38 hours) so I should do everything else (80 hours) 😒

@cindytrayer4279

Жыл бұрын

And that advice is NOT to be trusted. They absolutely don’t have your best interests when they give their advice.

@sage9836

Жыл бұрын

I picked up a couple of narky faults, thinking they were social norms! Like, I thought giving advice was a way to show I cared! Because I was advised a great deal and told this was being cared about. I didn't want to be a jerk, just do what was done. If I could do a cool thing, I wanted everyone to be able to do that. I had to edit myself and find better ways to relate. (To me this is different from people asking for a chore to be done differently and being willing to negotiate.)

I keep falling into the trap of trying to reason with him...I don't think I will ever learn. Each and every time, it ends badly for me. I need to listen to this over and over again.

@cacatr4495

Жыл бұрын

Logical people truly believe in the value of logic, and they (we) think others will value it too, AND that they will value Reality/truth, but they don't. It's the strangest thing, but they don't. They live in "another world of their own imagining." They do not respect truth or logic. As such, we have nothing in common with them.

@danielkaiser8971

Жыл бұрын

It is normal and natural to be able to reason with people, and people who are not toxic will work well with you. It's not a matter of learning so much as accepting that one cannot reason with someone who has a pattern of not being reasonable. You are not wrong for wanting to reason, it works with most people.

@raccuia1

Жыл бұрын

Maybe a way to break the link is get your phone recorder out. Point it at him. Don't look at him and remain distracted while you record. Keep quiet while you record. I have found they soon clam up.

@kellymccance1962

Жыл бұрын

Same here Debra. I finally realized what I was dealing with in my wife of 33 years...it's called Overt grandiose Narcissist. I know better than getting baited into circular conversations but still feel I have to explain myself. I guess it's "hope they'll get it" (like some miracle might happen 😭)

@s.s.8029

Жыл бұрын

I learned long ago that you can't reason with unreasonable people and stopped doing that with my in-laws because they really didn't care what I had to say anyways. I've gone almost no contact and have peace without them in or near my life.

The narcissistic person is the most critical individual I know. She has something to say about everyone. The level of judgment is off the charts. It is so gross.

@Lovelife20004

Жыл бұрын

So true! But not a single onze of self reflection or judgement of their own behaviour!

@victoriabenton8378

Жыл бұрын

Yep I hear you!

@josephleflore2117

Жыл бұрын

I know her, you're talking about... When she trashes everyone else, I know she is trashing me behind my back. It's sad.

@ohpohp481

Жыл бұрын

You're describing my wife, unfortunately.

@dagreatstoney.5869

Жыл бұрын

Basically they can accept no criticism or take any responsibility, and and the same time criticizing everyone from cleaners , to king. They are desperately alone and dark inside and have such a narrow tunnel of awareness, that they can not expand , and they cause carnage to everyone around them as they try to control everyone around, it's horrible and very sad

When dealing with a narc, be like Gus (the sleeping dog). Be so unbothered that you can just sleep right through whatever they say. I have not mastered it yet but these are great tips and techniques.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Gus is Exhibit A.

I use the following, "You have a glib tongue and you can speak very fast, perhaps someday you will develop the intellect to go along with it.".

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Touche!

@user-ov4wr5yu4r

12 күн бұрын

😊 Good one.

When I am bombarded with their twisted viewpoint, I calmly remind myself the following...'That's the way they see it.' I choose to no longer be trapped by their blindness.

@teresadvorak6145

Жыл бұрын

I try to stay very calm while visualizing them in a big diaper, like the fit throwing toddler they are 😅🤣

They set you up for failure. Just do a task they ask you to do. And you will get your task picked to pieces.

@caseyseeger1628

Жыл бұрын

@Lisa Wenn: So very true!!! It doesn't matter what I do, he will find something to criticize me for.

What's really wacky is when they *perceive* you've attacked them somehow, then they react with that "me too" counterattack, and they feel justified in the way they're treating you, even though they're reacting to a distortion caused by their own filters.

@0blivvy8

Жыл бұрын

That's my mother! She'd say cruel things that are truly insulting, then if I defended myself, she'd say that it was me who was being cruel to her! Also, anything I ever tried to confide in her about as my mother was met with a "yeah? me too" or "so what? me too". Zero empathy, sympathy, or compassion. Narcs like to switch from bully to victim. There's a narcissistic triangle (cycle) of roles they take on: Bully>Savior>Victim. If they aren't getting the attention that they want from being a bully or feel threatened they'll be exposed (unmasked- their true narc persona showing), then they'll shift to savior or victim! I watched my mother do all 3 within a span of maybe 5 minutes once!

@dragoness777

Жыл бұрын

My own mother accuses me of attacking her verbally all the time. The way she phrases it, I'm "being spiteful" and my tone is "snappy". Even when I'm speaking normally, and when I try to change my tone to accommodate her critiques, it's never enough. I'm the one with no shame, no guilt, no remorse. My Google search history says otherwise; that's actually how I started to suspect my mom was an emotional bully because CPTSD and CEN sound very familiar to me. Funny thing is that she uses her own CPTSD as an excuse as to why she is neurotic all the time. That and her medicine for nerve issues. I don't care how sick she is honestly, I have mourned her illness and for a different mother a long time ago and I can't be bothered to put any more emotion in someone who only cares about me as a function of the family.

@Dion82866

Жыл бұрын

its getting more and more terrifying every time the out burst start.

@Dion82866

Жыл бұрын

i was just trying to wake up and eat my breakfast when she went off today. i don't even have time to think before its starts anymore. i'm getting older and more afraid of this condition she has.

@tammyfitzgerald5336

Жыл бұрын

Called me one 😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉

“ unsolicited advice equals criticism” this is pure gold. Thank you. This is so helpful to call a spade a spade

It's funny how narcissist so desperately want to find any mistakes of yours, like they don't have any, and alot of the mistakes they say aren't even true,why do they hang on everything you do,if they don't like you get away,if they disagree with you, except different opinions,but they so desperately (need) to show anything negative, and I say desperately because it very much seems that way.

@MeloBurgers

Жыл бұрын

omfg!!!! thank u!!!

@welchce

Жыл бұрын

I think whether consciously or subconsciously or both... They really really really like to be in control. As in they have to be in control. And it's weird because a lot of them don't even really know what the value of control is or what it means or why they feel they need it so badly. Narcissists are a walking paradox my friend. They're a combination of a malicious tyrant lawyer judge King and fragile frail little child who cannot or will not tolerate anything that violates offends or threatens their fragile ego. When dealing with a narcissist, you're not even dealing with a person you're dealing with a facade... And really, you're not even dealing with a real facade. As funny as that term sounds, You're dealing with a facade of personalities that have been paint brushed on top of fake personalities on top of other facades. That's why they're so impossible to deal with. It is as if they know the truth but you can never convince them of it and they will never face it. Real contradiction they are

@targetedtyranny4661

Жыл бұрын

@@welchce Your right! They gotten me to re evaluate, and question everything I know to be true.

@jaygee768

Жыл бұрын

Their goal is to manipulate you to the point where you question everything and everyone except them. It's painful to go through but you will come out wiser on the other end.

@SevenYearSacrifice

Жыл бұрын

I believe it's also done to avoid any spotlight being shined on their faults and flaws. Anxiously scrambling to point out faults in others before anyone can find a fault in them. It feels desperate to me.

At the risk of repeating myself: narcissists are baiters. When you take the bait you accomplish a couple of things you Justified their behavior (in their heads at least) and they become the victim.

@wandah9468

Жыл бұрын

I Bait them back! Because it's fun to mess them up!😁

@rppope1006

Жыл бұрын

Yup, I decided to allow the town people to see them for who they really are. Make no mistake when they do it in public the good people actually see them for the cowards that they are when they disturb our peace

@nightowl6260

Жыл бұрын

And they set up their minions to bait you, and if they successfully trigger you, once again, your reaction reinforces the smear campaign.

“All you have to do is show up and eventually you’ll find out what you did wrong!” 😆 Oh Lordy, ain’t that the truth!!! Thanks Dr. C!!! Elizabeth

@MarianMurphy-rz8ej

29 күн бұрын

I sit quietly anywhere at all and they have pillaged my thoughts and throw out accusations. That’s unreasonable. I don’t steal peoples thoughts. I mind my business. It’s insane.

Humility plus radical acceptance of who they are plus protecting one’s boundaries plus calm confidence plus authenticity defeats all narcissists

@gingerhenna9445

Жыл бұрын

@Duane Romana, Nicely said!

@wambuialice957

Жыл бұрын

Well said

@danielkaiser8971

Жыл бұрын

Yes, integrity.

@RN-gx7wt

Жыл бұрын

Your "radical acceptance" source based on Zen Buddhism and Mindfulness, in science known as quack based theory (it means something you practice without any evidence that is actually proven to be working, and better known as pseudo science(fake stuff contra productive)). How does that work against defeating anything Crazy Cluster B. Be careful what you wish for, especially because you say authenticity defeats all narcissist doesn’t make any scientific based evidential sense. You defeat them by not playing any games, not investing, and by staying away from their reality.

@muskokamike127

Жыл бұрын

"protecting one's boundaries" as in "you can leave now" hahaha I learned kicking them out is a very effective defence. I used it most effectively when my ex came over to console me when I just got home from my father's funeral and she proceeded to start not one, but TWO arguments with me. (we all know narcs love to pounce when they think you are at your most vulnerable).

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

Every narcissistic criticism goes by the same meaning: why are you, you?

@annking8633

Жыл бұрын

Well put. Exactly that. 💯

@lifewithapurpose237

Жыл бұрын

👍🏻🤗👍🏻

@marlineemmal6458

Жыл бұрын

Everyone has to be an extension of their monstrous ego. They can't stand any indication of individuality.

“We just don’t think the same way about that I guess” has been a handy one to me. Although they tend to begin their discard after hearing that 😂😂

@darcyallsop9129

Жыл бұрын

Say that also

Narcissists are recognized in the Bible, 2 Timothy chapter 3. Don’t be confused, this is spiritual warfare! They are out to drain every ounce of energy from you. Once you realize that and cut it off, you will see just how exhausted you are by their demons. Send them back to where they came from because they are not your demons! This was a breakthrough revelation for me, and I hope it helps somebody here. ❣️🙏❣️

@black_sheep_nation

Жыл бұрын

They're also recognized in Scott Peck's brilliant book from the 80's:" People of the Lie". In case you don't rely on bibles. Like me. ☺️

@PlasticAlleyKat

Жыл бұрын

@@black_sheep_nation I don’t rely on Bibles either. I have brain damage I can remember scripture but I can never remember the book the chapter or the verse. I just go with the prompting that I feel is from the Holy Spirit. ❣️

@black_sheep_nation

Жыл бұрын

@@PlasticAlleyKat good for you! Spiritual practice is critical in tandem with trauma therapy skills. As a Buddhist, I must practice 2x daily when I rise, and before bed to combat the relentless ego projection. M. Scott Peck wrote "The Road Less Traveled" as well. It was a huge bestseller. You can easily find links here, on KZread to both audiobooks.

@PlasticAlleyKat

Жыл бұрын

@@black_sheep_nation Yes indeed it is. So we have different but I believe equal believed in a spiritual higher power. We just have different names for it. I truly believe it’s all the same, I don’t judge. One book that helped me tremendously was the The Four Agreements. I don’t remember who the author was though lol. It changes your whole entire outlook on your mental outlook about your self and people around you. It was truly life-changing for me. You can find it on Amazon for around eight dollars, I really hope you read it.

@teresadvorak6145

Жыл бұрын

❤❤❤Yes, we can pray for it & ask for all the negative energy that the narc gives U or sends you,reverse & send it back to them. Let them founder on their own energy. U can pray for them toooooo 🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤

This is interesting. On the morning my father was buried, my incessantly critical aunt said to me “Can I have a word with you. Someone so good looking as you to still be single, will you promise me you’ll go for counselling”. I had been up all night for the previous seven days and was not ok sleep deprived AND upset to bother defending myself hence I just kept saying “Right.. right.. right…”. Well, whatever this woman’s insecurity is I’m not sure but she sure as hell would NOT be so indolent to say such a thing to me except when she thought she had me. I had a few phone calls from the said old bat since that time in which she was trying to devalue me and as of June 2021, I do not answer her calls. She can KEEP her issues, I ain’t her projection white board.

@z1z2z3z

Жыл бұрын

She sounds very unhealthy! Good for you, don't waste more time on people who want to bring you down!

@danielkaiser8971

Жыл бұрын

Exactly correct. Only you are responsible for your life, what you do in your life, and for determining what is right for your life, and for maintaining your own life and your own mental health. The more you heal from toxic abuse, the more intolerable it will be for you to be around toxic behaviors and environments. The fact you object to being told how to live, and that you have recognized your own needs are important (like needing sleep and wanting to be left alone), these are clear signs you are healing and while I do not know you personally, I am very, very proud of you for moving forward so incredibly well with your healing. Nothing will stop you now, you have had a taste of what healing feels like, so there is no going back to the toxic way things were. Two thumbs up!

@muskokamike127

Жыл бұрын

Narcs LOVE funerals, they think you are at your most vulnerable so that's when they pounce. My ex did that exactly to me....only instead of criticizing she started two arguments. A good comeback to her would have been "did it ever occur to you that I'm single because I like the freedom it brings? Not having to deal with anyone else's scarbage"?

@lindac6919

Жыл бұрын

Good for you! I'm on your side. She'll find someone else to bother...or else she will start sending in her flying monkeys, to persuade you that she is correct.

@lovesings2us

Жыл бұрын

You did great! I'm inspired. Thank you for sharing. Stay strong.

I became so tired of fighting that when my narcissistic sibling burst into the room to verbally attack me for something that happened 25 years ago I used to burst into song with a rendition of the Mighty Mouse theme, "Here he comes to ruin my day" I would sing as his anger boiled up and I walked away singing my song.

Everytime the narcissist in my life makes a nasty accusation of me, I always respond by saying, "thank you for your opinion, you're right." I am well aware the intention is to always get a reaction but it is not what is expected. A quote that has provided me the greatest benefit is, "Hurt people, Hurt people." Narcissist's what to do damage and by getting the reaction they're hoping for they become aware their actions are working.

I remember when, after repeated attacks on my character to which I refused to respond, finally said "If you want to belittle me, you might try to at least pick something that I actually do, rather than things you do. Would you like me to prepare you a list for next time?". The result of this was, entirely predictably, a screaming tantrum while throwing things at me and howling about about how they were the victim of my bullying.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

At first the belittling is taken seriously because who doesn't want to improve. And then the pattern is revealed. The stunning realization that they have no self awareness.

@lunenfeld51

Жыл бұрын

Oh boy. How to make a narc lose their shit. Beware.

There is no calm anything! My life is a battleground…and I am still losing….but now I am determined to get away, move on…I might have 20 years left..I want peace…only peace..

One thing I've learned to say to my narcissist is "if I'm so 'messed up' why do you stay with me?" Shuts him right up.

@gigiarmany4332

5 ай бұрын

but also why do you stay with " your narcissist"?

What bothers me and hurts the most , concerning the unfairness and gross exaggeration of the criticism or warped perception of me…isnt really the blow to my ego (i know its not a reflection of me at all)… its the total lack of esteem towards me and pitiful way he truly feels about me.. the lack of valuing me in his life or the blatant lack of respect for me as a person. The easy and effortless way he can watch someone he claims to care about fall apart and bleed. Preferring and choosing to hurt and see me suffer rather than wanting to see me happy. Being an influence that makes life just a little bit better in this world , is a foreign concept for them. Plainly heart shattering Xx

@tlovesgreens8244

29 күн бұрын

They’re demon possessed is the reason why they can reach such low hatred levels. He was and has always been envious and jealous of you. If you remember this you can understand the hatred and bitterness towards you. He never loved you. He and his demon always hated you and wanted you to hate yourself and others.

It’s so refreshing to longer need or want their validation. Thank you Dr. Carter for reminding me these people are weak and ego driven. And it is very sad. But no longer my problem! 💖

@thalia2584

Жыл бұрын

Yes! Much love to you!

@summerbee9748

Жыл бұрын

@@thalia2584 Thank you very much and you too 🤍

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

You're quite welcome, Summer Bee!

@guyreid8692

Жыл бұрын

Weak and ego driven. Those are their good points !!

@jasonsneeden5934

Жыл бұрын

I heard the Doctor say ,"set your ego down" . Now, I've gone back and watched a few more times trying to formulate a picture in my mind, an itinerary if I may, of how does one set down ones ego? I'm not sure I know when I'm acting out of ego sometimes.

When my Constantly Comparing, Competing and Criticizing Narc mom comes at me with what Golden Child is doing or how much her lipstick costs I remind myself of who I am in my beloved doggie’s eyes. That is my Calm Confidence

My daughter in law is a narcissist who regularly criticises me by text message. I used to find her criticisms devastating, as they were totally unfair and very hurtful. I also used to try and justify and defend myself which was a complete waste of time. Talk about falling on deaf ears! Having watched your really useful videos about narcissists, and others also on you tube, I have a much better understanding of narcissism and no longer take the barbs and criticisms seriously. Nor do I argue back which is what she thrives on. 12 months ago her texts would stop me sleeping at nights they were so bad. Now, my husband and I just howl with laughter at them. Having a knowledge of narcissism has taken so much of the sting out of all the unpleasantness. I observe her antics with a level of detachment and she can no longer hurt me. It’s not what I wanted - I would have loved a good relationship with her - but you have to play the cards you’ve got, and this is the best way I can deal with it. I’m so grateful for these videos. They have taught me so much.

@kathywilliams1050

Жыл бұрын

A sense of humor helps! I have a collection of all the dumb argument preambles my N has made. They have become comical. Almost.

@lindac6919

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate you. I think a nice MIL is a jewel in the family crown.

@eileensmith6459

Жыл бұрын

Gotta feel sorry for your son having to live with her! Block her!

@denisedevoto5703

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your son, you too.

@staceystrukel1917

6 ай бұрын

Interesting that your not talking about your son. Why are you two texting one another? I don’t understand this at all.

Tough when it's your mum. When I think I have achieved calm confidence, or radical acceptance, she always finds my jugular. Even though I know it's inevitable, I never see it coming. She's an artist.

@lindac6919

Жыл бұрын

F*cking moms. My mom is dead, and if I could I would dig her up and smack her across the face. She got so much healing and sympathy out of me, and she didn't deserve it. If I could suck out all the love and longing that I invested in her, I could would do it. And I would turn it into a firehose and blast her skin off with it.

@jennyanderson4796

Жыл бұрын

could have written this myself -

@sallyflavell6221

Жыл бұрын

My mum was very good at put downs and gaslighting and it was a relief when she passed. A friend I met reminds me of her and I am wise to the way she invalidates me like my mum did for years. Yes it’s so much harder when it’s a close relative but you are worth loving and being loved for who you are. Don’t let anyone tell you differently ok❤

He said I was so calm because I was possessed by evil spirits 😂 just calmly setting boundaries and not reacting really irritates their demons!

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Talk about twisted logic!!

@gingerhenna9445

Жыл бұрын

@Summer Bee, Thanks for sharing, that was really good funny because it's true!

@limitedtime5471

Жыл бұрын

"Consider the source" -- Dr. C 😄

@jeanetteshawredden5643

Жыл бұрын

OMG. What a joke, accusing YOU of having evil spirits!

@summerbee9748

Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism oh yes that’s just one of the many completely absurd things that I’ve heard come from him. Honestly, it gets really hard not to laugh…it’s just so bizarre!

This I think the most challenging aspect of dealings with a narcissist, especially when you can't go no contact due to circumstances. I believe self-love, self -knowledge and self-respect, common sense are extremely important to not wobble, also include knowledge about their pattern, realizing it is nothing personal, and sticking to your healthy core of kindness, love, respect, dignity, honesty, when you must respond.... And this to me is the most important: Spirit... I look forward to this one Dr C

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

You get it, Dee!

@melody5683

Жыл бұрын

I actually experienced this today! Strong enough to consider the source, and realize, it cant help itself!!! HOW FREEING!!!!!!!(p.s.- source was my mother. I've come a LONG way!!!!

@kadootje77

Жыл бұрын

@@melody5683 'IT' ... Well done! Keep it up!

@jasonsneeden5934

Жыл бұрын

It seems like every word choice of a "false someone" is an obvious reflection of some inward belief or influence. Not so obvious in healthy humanity.

@aliceroberts1980

Жыл бұрын

That says it all

It is amazing how fast a malignant narcissist will expose their dumbness by criticizing or trying to guilt you, or accuse you when it is their first interaction with them. Strange rangers. They are the first ones to complain about others and what they do is 50x what they say others do. Denseheads.🧠

@danielkaiser8971

Жыл бұрын

The low functioning narcissists will demonstrate their toxic behaviors almost immediately as you have pointed out, and when you know what to look for, you can identify them quickly. The high functioning narcissists are much more intelligent, and they are careful not to expose their toxic game until they are sure they have isolated a vulnerable target and won't get caught, so they can maintain a good image to the public while abusing the target in private.

Putting my ego away was challenging when a critical coworker spoke untruths that affected my work reputation. I pressed forward with calmness and 7 years later, I’m still there and she moved on somewhere else. I learned calm confidence is who I want to be because it bears good fruit. You learn who people are by the fruit they bare and in this case, I learned about myself too.

@carpathianken

10 ай бұрын

I have that happen a lot in my workplace. Do you have some advice & pointers on how you did it please?

@Janeou8589

10 ай бұрын

@@carpathianken 1. Know that in every workplace there’s always going to be that someone who causes drama. Have some boundaries so you’re not a magnet for them. 2. Drill it in your head who you want to be - define yourself and (have a visual at your work desk in a private place if need be) so that when sticky situation’s come (and you know they will), you are able to respond (or not), instead of react to fuel the fire. 3. Know that you may never know the outcome of what happens to the person causing the drama. It may seem like that person has more privacy/clout than you but it’s an HR thing. But I can tell you if you have a smart manager, most are already onto that person. Your job is to concentrate on you and your efficiency, and let your work ethic speak louder than the person causing drama. One thing in your favor in a bad work culture, is the workplace is an ever changing environment. I’ve lived long enough to witness a pattern with the toxic ones: they are never happy at work and they usually are the ones who leave whether voluntarily or by force. Neither focus on them, nor the unfair drama at hand. Your game strategy is to focus on your growth and development and what you can give back. That makes you grounded and makes you feel good about your self amidst the “dark noise.” 4. Be on team healthy. Be civil (kind is different than being nice), set boundaries, don’t fuel the toxic one. Regardless of any work situation whether you stay or leave, take your true self with you and be the one who sleeps well at night. 5. When ruminating, go pet or think of puppies and kittens and warm winter mittens. Go play a round of golf (or the like). Positive thoughts (not Pollyanna thoughts) fuel your good future. Best wishes to you!

This is good. I will say though that in my experience, narcissists often interpret calm confidence as arrogance. If you are not constantly seeking their approval and playing in the unhealthy systems they develop, they accuse you of being arrogant. Calm confidence is still the right way to go but be prepared for the accusation of arrogance.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

At some point, my attitude is...let them put any interpretation they want on it. What is most important is for you to know your own heart.

@RondallReynoso1

Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Agreed!

This!! I hear it all, comments about my weight, my daughters weight, about her hair and how it’s styled, how long it is, what we both wear, what l cook, what schools l choose for my kids, what car l drive, what brand pasta we buy…the list is absolutely endless. I stand there and when she starts again l say in my heard “there’s the dysfunction again..” which does help when you can detach and see this is all THEM or is not you.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

Detachment. There is a spiritual manual that recommends not defending yourself because they will never accept anything that does not bring them a win. It says, if I defend myself then I am attacked. Earth builds spiritual muscle like nothing else.

My mother is such a raging narcissist that she has literally threatened to call the police (we all know there's no valid reason) when she is in a narcissistic rage.

My mom could criticize for 30 minutes straight , and if I criticize her back once , she acts appalled …and says how rude that is. Haha. It’s kind of funny at this point. We haven’t spoken in over a year. I told her she is some kind of witch , and now I don’t care if we ever speak again. She is fake , dishonest …endless gaslighting , criticism, judging , controlling.

@danielkaiser8971

Жыл бұрын

My mother is similar. Until I moved out into my own place, she would spend hours yelling or just repeating herself to make me miserable. I never spoke up because it would have fueled her rage and she would continue longer, and also she didn't let me get in a word edgewise. Fast forward over three decades, I went no contact with her ten years ago, and one day I get a handwritten letter from her saying how hard she had it raising me because I always talked back to her. Her false accusation was just a failed attempt to get me to talk to her at all, but it didn't work as I am still in "no contact" with her. She is currently 88 years old, she made her bed and now she must lie in it.

@sandrathomas2893

Жыл бұрын

They're all exactly the same!

@justaguitarplayer2059

Жыл бұрын

@@sandrathomas2893 so you dealt with the same thing ?

@Leepinkmusic

Жыл бұрын

It must be much easier for her now that you don’t talk back to her.

@camillemitchell7397

Жыл бұрын

It's interesting you would equate her behavior with witchcraft. I have just recently become convinced that my two narcissistic relatives are receiving demonic amplification for their antagonistic behavior. Through decades of anger and bitterness, they invited an oppressive entity (or more) into their souls and do not act alone. Yet they are responsible for this.

After a separation, that ugly thing called “life events” shook my journey to peace & joy. I was blindsided to say the least & to top it off, the “N” came back to offer “support”, etc… in other words, I was thrown under the bus, unknowingly for several months. But he couldn’t fake it for long, & the ugly truths came out… But thanks to time, skills & knowledge I have learned here with you… I have been able to do EXACTLY what you just talked about! His games are not NEW! But boy my lack of reaction, tolerance, & standing up calmly for myself are! Talk about ratted!… but he has upped his game…& since it’s not working, it’s gotten pretty ugly at times. But I stand my ground calmly for ME! & I’m not falling apart. My head & perspective.. so much clearer & im truly horrified at how I know in the past I have fallen to his destructive hate.. I have forgiven myself, & trying to make amends to the unintentional hurts I caused my family! I don’t know if it’s age?, inability to con, lie etc as well as he use to? But his ego, selfishness, lack of empathy …. Are unbelievably awful. Tonight, my own issue with not being able to shut my mind off & rest.. I found this POST & it has lifted me to a peace I had lost & the affirmation I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING! For ME… a TRUE GODSEND! Thank you… thank you!!

@mikeshr4932

Жыл бұрын

If a Narc cant control you then they start destroying you.

God gives grace to humble. And humility always comes before honor. Praise the Lord, the world's greatest counsellor.

I have had to learn and practice maintaining my emotional sobriety with the narcissist.

Having a strong narcissist in my life I find your directness funny because it’s so on point!

I just want to add being the child of a narcissistic parent is truly debilitating- a child lacks the resources, insight, any ability to escape or take care of themselves. Please if you are a relative or friend and see this type of thing going on realize it’s child abuse and please do SOMETHING to help that child. Dr. C would you do a video on ways the family or friend bystander can assist that helpless child victim!! I am so angry sometimes that no one helped me, not even my own mother! Covert narcissistic parents are experts at hiding their abusive treatment behind closed doors of the home. Please educate people about the red flags that a child may be suffering as a victim!

@sherisetodd591

6 ай бұрын

You might want to break off contact with mom and the narcissist.

The best thing I have learned to defeat a narcissist is to remain in your healthy dignity if you are not doing anything morally wrong and even project that it’s good. Narcissists even in their full critical mode will back off. Any form of vulnerability they’ll criticize or fault find. The key is to see vulnerability as normal and healthy even.

@danielkaiser8971

Жыл бұрын

Yes that's correct. Vulnerability is normal and natural, and healthy relationships respect and even protect vulnerability. Only toxic people use vulnerability as a weapon, and your own healthy attitude for you own normal vulnerabilities shows narcissists they don't have any power over you, so they back off exactly as you said.

@lindac6919

Жыл бұрын

Unless they are bigger than you and hit you.

Definitely the ex is a troubled soul. Since I have added more EMDR/CBT trauma therapies to my life, I am much more aware of my self-esteem and peace. Yep. I’m a fallible human being. I make mistakes and have errors in judgment. That’s what makes me truly human. The non-egoic approach to abusive, critical individuals is tantamount to practicing the grey rock method. Not caring what they say about us is important. Not being invested in how we are perceived makes all the difference. The more I practiced not reacting, but being in the present, the now-ex backed away, more and more, from me. His treating me with disrespect gave me more freedom, because he was with other women. I was able to follow through with plans to leave. AND I did!

After being the meanest, they are also the saddest of people, always glum and gloomy. So its wonderful to concider that, "calm confidence" in dignity may help keep our personal energy safe from them drawing out our energy reserves. That seems priority and it seems like a responsible thing for us to do also.

@danielkaiser8971

Жыл бұрын

Yes indeed. The most toxic people are also the ones who avoid accountability for their toxic behaviors by being sad and gloomy, often with a poor me "victim mentality", but it is usually just a game they play to avoid being held accountable. In time, the pattern is seen by most everyone around them, so they can't play that game with the same people forever. Sometimes they have to find new people separate from the old ones they discarded.

@louiseboyd8896

Жыл бұрын

Glum and gloomy....wow!....while I am upbeat and sunny despite their mood....

Dr C your home or office is such a soothing, nourishing atmosphere. The lighting and lovely art is so nice and peaceful. Gus helps with that, too.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Thanks. It is my home study. AKA my man cave.

Been able to hold onto your own truth is so important. If you don't have the confidence, it allows them the scope to bully and intimidate you. Don't give them the power or hold over you.

Love, love, love ❤️ Gus’s calm confidence. 🐕

So many times they accuse others of things they are doing. How they cannot see that is beyond me.

@Giuliana-zx6gd

11 ай бұрын

They see it, & they know it’s negative. They also know they’re the ones doing what they’re accusing you of, and they know it’s so bad that they can’t accept it about themselves so they project it. They only play dumb - remember that! Even a 5 year old knows when they’re lying, & what they’ve done wrong, and trying to put that on someone else is manipulation! My ex narc was at a loss to find anything I was doing wrong, but wanted to either start a purposeful fight, or blame me for his wrongs-he was not too bright so he’d use what he’d done wrong to blame me. They’re downright insane, dangerous, and mean. They just want to pull you down to where they’re at. Stay safe and narc free! Peace

I love to see Gus in the videos . He is one of the fortunate dogs in the world to have Dr C as his Paw Dad ... smiles

I made a speech at a small event. My N husband was there. I left the event before he did. I was satisfied with my presentation and thought it went well. N came to me when he got home and said, "You did a great job!" He then proceeded (not to my surprise because I watch your videos) to tell me that he looked around at the people during the speech and thought that most of the material went over their heads and some didn't get the jokes, etc. I told him in the middle of his 'kind remarks' to stop talking...and that I knew the reason he was telling me all this had no other purpose than to make me doubt myself and to make me feel bad. He said, "No, no! I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT! " Like his opinion was the only one that should matter. I left the room, and I am sure he thinks I left because I am sad others didn't like my speech (I got nice feedback from others). I WAS sad that my husband wanted to hurt me so much. I am not sure I will ever get used to that. He couldn't let me have any praise... he is competitive and needs to be superior.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

That is deluxe gaslighting!

@melaw5

Жыл бұрын

Their interpretation of their role as, "life partner," never ceases to amaze me. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It gets worse as they age, unfortunately, at least in my experience.

I swear all of your videos describe my former friend. She knew I was done with her, during what would be our final phone call, when I glibly said this to her: “I really don't want to hear the next thing out of your mouth but go ahead.” She was horrified.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

That was a stopper.

@michaelgpartridge2384

Жыл бұрын

Holy crap, this is a beautiful zinger!! Wow, you are an artist! And I am stealing this line - thank you, it is pure genius!🙏❤️

@iononcantomascrivo

Жыл бұрын

@@michaelgpartridge2384 Have at it. Here's another one: "You need pull your head out of your ass before you choke on all the shit that you're so full of."

I wish I had these videos to watch when I was living with the narcissist I lived with. The book that helped me the most was “When Good Men Behave Badly”. It helped quite a bit. I learned to keep my mouth shut and never repeat myself. He would repeat the same thing over and over because he didn’t think I heard him. I learned how to walk away and drive my car and yell at him while I was driving alone. He continually called my a dumb ass and told me how fat I was. I have a degree in chemistry and never was more then twenty pounds overweight. I only stayed because I couldn’t afford to move out until my Dad paid me to leave him. I never looked back and never let him reel me back, which he tried several times. I am now with a man who tells me all the time how beautiful I am and how smart I am. I’m sure I appreciate him more than I ever imagine I could have because I survived living with the narcissist. Thank You So Much for your videos!

One time as a teen, remember it well, my covert narcissistic father was up on his pedestal looking down his nose and telling me everything that was flawed about me. Being a little rebellious I said. “Well dad, it takes one to know one” and “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. OMG! He flew into a rage and I was pummeled for an hour. Ouch ouch ouch inside and out.

@dm3144

Жыл бұрын

OMG!!! I am so sorry!🦋✌️

@tammyfitzgerald5336

Жыл бұрын

Yes 😂🎉he always said I was just different he say your a pill 💊

@dm3144

Жыл бұрын

@@tammyfitzgerald5336 I’m so sorry Tammy, I know what it’s like. I wish you the best 🦋🌸🐬 🦋SURVIVOR🦋

@give_peas_a_chance

10 ай бұрын

Sounds just like my father. Sorry you had to go through that .

@maryc9312

6 ай бұрын

Your share brings up a good point. Responding to the wrong person can bring escalation and abuse. Been there

Dr. C, I would like a t-shirt that says “Be Like Gus” on it! ❤️ And of course…..with a pic of him snoozing away. 🐶

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Gus would be fine with that!

@brg2743

Жыл бұрын

Or a tshirt that says Gus will GET ya if you mess with me.🤭

Calm, confidence. Two things my narc parents, along with many other things, failed to instill in me. I would rather avoid the devil and just not walk through my mothers front door.

@gigiarmany4332

5 ай бұрын

I hear ya..staying calm & confident in the face of their atrocities is sometimes just too much..best to stay away as much as possible

I don’t know where I heard this but it was good so I’m gonna include it here. “Unsolicited advice is an aggression.“ I thought that was very insightful and I am aware of that now all the time.

@cyndigooch1162

Жыл бұрын

beth palmer I've noticed that a lot of people, including supposedly empathetic ones, tend to do that though, as most children aren't taught active listening skills. I did a helpline counselling course many years ago where it was drummed into me and other attendees NOT to give any advice, unless the person asked for it, yet to be very careful when that was the case. It turned out that I wasn't able to be a phone counsellor at the time, then ended up having to ring myself, due to traumatic situations. I found that most of the counsellors gave unsolicited advice, which I followed sometimes and caused more issues. I don't ring helplines anymore, due to getting support via KZread etc, as well as too many negative experiences. I put it down to their stress and the fact that it can be difficult to change behaviour, or that some, or more, lack empathy themselves. ❤

@koma4050

Жыл бұрын

I’m very familiar with the unsolicited advice. I’ve received a lot of it over the years from my narcissistic wife & dad. It’s strange that they get bent out if shape when you call them on it. They’ll say “I’m just trying to help you.” They can help by not forcing their advice on us. Peace out people.

@deniseelsworth7816

Жыл бұрын

I've always felt that somewhere inside but have never heard it said and so succinctly.thanks

@wisconsinfarmer4742

Жыл бұрын

I have been grateful for unsolicited advice many times. saved my ass a few times.

Whenever I am peaceful and stressless my narc partner is trying to trigger me with subtle critisism on the way I act, trying to humiliate me. But in my head I keep telling myself, you know what he is trying to do, stay calm and keep doing what you do😊

It really is a beautiful thing to know you have enough goodness and faith in yourself to not let a person who is so empty upset you due to their lack of self honesty and confidence.

Narcissists actually don’t have a healthy ego. They’re vacant and empty and stunted. You need to be individuated to be a mature adult.

In calm, quiet confidence, shall be your strength.

Trying to learn calm confidence after being shredded by the nonstop decades of criticisms of a narcissist - very challenging but this advice is absolutely spot on when dealing with a narcissist- THANK YOU, DR. C AND Gus, of course💝

My silence is golden ✨️ and I learned not to stoop to their level of rancor and disdain! Thank you Dr. C! Watching your channel has helped me tremendously! I'm finally in a position to move out and leave the narcissist I lived with! 🤗

@mireadossantos4610

Жыл бұрын

I'm happy for you.

I found that the most effective way is to not respond emotionally but act curiously amused and detached at their critiques. For instance, when they walk in and say "OMG why didn't you do xyz like this?!" you just pause, look them in the eye, grin, shrug and say, "Really? THAT'S what you're worried about when the price of gas is so freaking high?! What's wrong with you?" and just laugh. They want to 'put us in our place' and it's so absurd that we just have to find the humor in it when possible and use it to put them in their place. It really works...sometimes. Of course with some narcs it backfires and then I just try to stay calm and not let them get a reaction so they are the one freaking out, making a fool of themselves.

@lifewithapurpose237

Жыл бұрын

👍🏻🤗👍🏻

Ironically all of this has forced me to evaluate myself as much as I am everyone in my life. I wasn't the same person 10 years ago, 5 years ago, last week. I have personal growth goals that Dr. C reminds me of in nearly his every word. I won't stay who I was. Growth is my only option.

@give_peas_a_chance

10 ай бұрын

Yes, I came to that conclusion too. It's the only way. Blessings to you on your journey.

Beautiful words, but it's easier said than done. I know very well from my experience that if I try to utter the final principal phrase (about healthy self-esteem vs. egotism - either in plain words or as a figurative explanation), then one or two of the professional manipulators I know would just sneer and say they don't understand a word. And if I cannot explain it - that means I'm stupid. Or hostile. Or angry. And if I just quit at that moment and walk away - that means again that I am hostile. Or sissy. Or dumb with communication problems. Or liar. Or hiding from them. Nothing will EVER satisfy them or make understand. They PUSH, and PUSH, and PUSH, and PUSH, until the disaster happens. Then they accurately glue a label of "troublemaker" due to that "crime" (to be meticulously reminded about later on), and the circle starts again. Because that's how they roll. They are born inquisitors, in their reality someone just HAS to die, they are not able to think otherwise.

You hit the nail on the head for me, when you characterised that aspect of narcissistic behaviour as unsolicitated advice and criticism. Two years ago when I told my mother I was going no-contact with my narcissistic sister, one of the reasons I gave her was that it was hard for me to cope with her constant criticism, dressed up as unsolicited advice. She also did far worse things to me, which I won't detail here, but her constant attacks on my self-esteem were like Chinese water torture, eroding my sense of self and peace of mind. You have helped me confirm without a doubt that she is indeed a narcissist, and that in itself, is huge for me. Thankyou. ❤

My child of 4 yrs old, mother is a toxic person. Her behavior and actions shows signs of multiple mental illnesses. We have been split up since our child was 3 months old. I've just recently started listening to these style videos to try and understand my situation and how to handle it better for our daughter. The more I listen, the better I feel about how I'm going to handle the future. Thank you for all the helpful talks.

One of the most useful things when you drop your ego with a narcissist, is that they become comfortable in their superior role, and start saying things that expose their true nature, completely aside from anything you are doing or saying . The way I handled the narc was very much about my own comfort at first. I was not comfortable competing, so I took away any attitude or accomplishment that might make her feel the need to compete. Once I did that; she became settled in her superiority, instead of trying to one up me all of the time, and just started saying all of the derogatory things that she thought about me all along, in dribs and drabs. It wasn’t like she sat down with me one day and just let loose. It was like little criticisms of how I look, my education, letting me know “accidentally” that she took credit for an idea I shared with her, etc etc etc. It was like an information gathering win fall!

Please bear with me. All day I’ve had really bad chest pains. It’s also ironic to me that I found this video and watched it. Anyways, our insurance provides a service called “Ask a Nurse”. I called to get their take on my chest pains. They immediately said to call 911. My husband would only take me to an Urgent Care. I was a little bit scared (honestly still am scared). He was/is still angry that I wouldn’t go. He called 911 , but said the only reason that I wanted to go to the ER was so I didn’t have to wait in line because “I think that I’m better than everyone else”. If you knew me I am so not like that. Anyways, the paramedics said that they didn’t see any signs of a heart attack but they would take me because I could be checked out by a cardiologist. I said no and told them that my husband would be angry about the bill. They told me to avoid any stress tonight. As soon as I got to the door, he started in again yelling at me that I should have gone to the Urgent Care. Followed by more and more yelling. What spouse or family member would yell at someone who could be having a heart attack?!! Thank you for letting me vent. 🦋

@denisedevoto5703

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like an unhappy relationship. Hope you got your issue checked out. Your husband sounds a lot like ex, and I definitely believe my health issues were aggravated by him. I left him in 2018 and now I am with a wonderful man. It is amazing how much better life is when you are not raged at all the time. I am hoping the best for you.

@janiesmith987

Жыл бұрын

😢

@gracet331

Жыл бұрын

I had chest pains like this and my husband responded the same way. It turned out to be anxiety based on the way my relationship was so toxic. I watch these videos to deal with my dad and try to heal from him and I was so worried he was the same way. In true happy ending fashion, my husband listened to me and went to therapy. We are very happily married and his continued displays of kindness and empathy make me so happy I trusted myself, despite what I’ve been through. Two years later still going strong and haven’t had chest pains since!

@chanel58style70

Жыл бұрын

@@gracet331 I’m so happy that things have worked out for you. It’s always nice to hear about a great ending. And I mean this sincerely. I’m not going to go on, but even though I didn’t think that things could get worse, they are more than I ever imagined that they could be. I’m not ashamed to say that I have been trying to get a psychiatrist for 2-years (back log due to COVID), and now have to find a lawyer. That’s enough of my stuff. Again, I so glad you are happy.

So hard to do this when the narcissist is your mother

"Unsolicited advice equals criticism." Yes! A thousand times YES! Thank you for that validation, Dr. Carter, (for all the times I've been accused of misinterpreting the N's 'helpfulness', when I know in my gut it's veiled criticism!

yes they are troubled people, I say just consider the source and try to avoid them and get with healthy people who dont criticize me. Yes, when they criticize it is just noise, love this.

Always good after keeping quiet around a narcissist is to LET OFF STEAM by answering back in your mind what you would love to really say to them. That way you dont lose your voice. You have expressed your anger, not repressed it. Go us !

Stare blankly back at them. When they ask what you are staring at, respond with “I’m considering the source”

Calm self-regard, the pathway out of corner they like to put you in. Thanks Dr C 💜

My narc mother has always been super critical. It gave me very low self-esteem as a result. She has no respect for me and one day, after being upset by another one of her verbal attacks, I tried finding out why. I asked her, why can't you show me respect as your family, as an adult woman pushing 40, as a mother, as a human? Why can't you treat me like your equal? Her reply was, "You are NOT my equal", stated like I'd said something horribly offensive!

I am constantly setting myself on fire with this narcissist. It seems like everything I say or do is monitored intently and judged deeply. I do not like how his presence alone makes me feel.

You hit the nail on the head. I get criticized for little things. I even get criticized for feeling tired when I get home from work. Smh

Calm confidence is fundamental. I heard Salma Hayek the actress put a different spin on it. If you were being criticized in another language, their words would mean nothing to you. I think if you have put some distance between you and the narcissist, one way to look at it is that you survived. I think that's reason to hold your head up high.

@hollyk7052

Жыл бұрын

They get to know your vulnerabilities & exploit them so it’s not always easy to ignore a calculated bait/attack.

Dropping your ego accelerates your healing and personal growth by a hundrrd. Thank you for brilliant advice dr Carter❤

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Iza.

Every time you mention Gus, it makes me smile! Thank you Dr. Carter for all you do!

Calm confidence. This is definitely the key word ☺️ Thank you so much Dr. Les. Appreciate all the insights you share ❤️

@tashasmith2245

Жыл бұрын

I agree.

@keplermission4947

Жыл бұрын

@@tashasmith2245 Yeah but appeasement is okay in affluent Southlake TX where you've landed in luxury, but so often these dark triad people are squeezing you out of getting where people like Dr. Carter got through his good fortune, or good luck. Although that twin brother of his looks like a real problem. Dr. Carter's view is often a complacent one lacking in any good cures for what these people are, you know they're evil and a danger to our future. Be very careful who you befriend.

@muskokamike127

Жыл бұрын

yeah, narcs love to get you wound up. Drives them crazy when they can't.

When a narcissist does something genuinely abusive to you, and you call them out on it, they say, "That's not abuse, I was just [fill in the blank] !" BUT if you do the SAME exact thing to them, they fly off the handle!!!! Now all of a sudden it IS abuse and YOU'RE labeled as toxic or petty!!! According to them!! It's only abuse when YOU do it back to them, but not when they provoke you by doing it FIRST!!!! The insanity!!! AND they're able to convince everyone around them of the same thing!!! That's why it takes so long to heal, you get vilified and blamed for what they did to you first!!!

Excellent advice from Dr. Carter. I've applied this method and can attest it definitely works. In an elementary way what the basic underlying principle is reminds me of that old time schoolyard taunt: "I'm rubber and you're glue and whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you." 😆

I always like the agree and amplify method. I use it on my mother all of the time. They quickly realize you don't take them seriously and will leave you alone as to not have their ego bruised by your happy indifference.

What they do is they try to split your mind, to make you look at something you did and force you to admit that it was wrong, to self-accuse, they want to break you, to make you testify against yourself. Therefore, criticism of any kind is the sure sign that the person DOESN'T LOVE you, so no sense in communicating (being "together") anyway.

A covert narc best friend sent me a huge message of everything that she felt was wrong with me to try to bait me into an argument so she could play victim and justify her attack. Her message was so pathetic it was funny and then I found it disturbing that she either really believes those things or would create them for attention. I responded to her message along the lines of if I had this many issues with someone the last thing I would want is them to be a part of my life. It completely STUNNED her…🤣🤣🤣🤣 she didn’t get any narc supply from me. It’s the best way to deal with them. She further sent me more bait and I just blocked her

' When the narcissist continues to offer , very freely , their...' I laughed at that.It was greatly phrased. Thank you, Doc.

My husband used to tell me how he loves to know what other people’s dirt is. It’s like it gives him a high. 😮

Your dog is giving you the narcissistic silent treatment I get a lot of but seriously this was highly insightful it’s spot on

@MarianMurphy-rz8ej

29 күн бұрын

😂

This works very well for me. I'm never going to change my older sister 65, and I'm 60. We see each other a few times a year. It's just easier to avoid the stress of an argument I'm not going to win.

Always wondered why my "problem person" seemed to lay in wait to point out my mistakes and/or belittle me...that was before I knew about narcissism. Sure does answer nearly six decades of wondering "what the heck!!!" "It's not my problem" relieves a lot of the sting. Thanks!

@cacatr4495

Жыл бұрын

Minus the word "narcissism," the book of Proverbs talks a lot about them in the first couple of chapters, even including the phrase "laying in wait." Neurological dysreguation has been known since man's rejection of original design in the Garden > Cain.

@raedarden9830

Жыл бұрын

@@cacatr4495 Interesting. I'll do some more reading. Thanks.