Behind your back, they say, “I’m really worried about them.” And proceed to trash talk, exaggerate and confabulate about you until everyone around you has false perceptions about you.

@misty9376

2 жыл бұрын

Apsaultly my life!!

@swirlingbutterfly3031

2 жыл бұрын

Ohh my god the same thing happened with me they spread rumors all over about me that i am a characterless person made sure that everyone gossip about me .how can people be so evil to hurt others i just can't believe this

@AnnaD25

2 жыл бұрын

👍👍

@maggiehughes9376

2 жыл бұрын

Privately, he ignores my health needs. I've heard him exaggerating my illnesses to his daughters and to others. Is this so that they feel sorry for HIM?

@etphonehome4511

2 жыл бұрын

@@swirlingbutterfly3031 yeah I just realized MY OWN FUCKIN MOTHER is doing this to me wrf!?!?!?!

Before I ever heard about narcissists I used to call what my husband does as "psychological warfare ". Never tell them anything because they will use it against you as ammunition.

@jnnlis

2 жыл бұрын

Your vulnerability will be weaponized

@valerieobrien5521

2 жыл бұрын

I have experienced all that Dr. Carter has explained here , I have been depressed by a particular " friend " whom I recently have discovered has been slandering me in my local neighborhood, and has been telling lies to long lost friends, whom I trusted him to trace on my behalf. ( A foolish move on my own part ) I just feel now that my contacts in the Internet etc have all been infiltrated , and have been monitored by this objectionable character. I've found it necessary recently to contact Google about what has been happening on my Internet. And it's obvious there has been a lot of attack against me by that person . I now have blocked him on my phones and email , but still wonder if I am secure to use Internet Search etc .

@thomasgrabowski2202

Жыл бұрын

😔😔

@angelaelizabethwilliams7239

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much I didn't know this

@anthony1981

Жыл бұрын

Oh my goodness, I wish I would’ve known this a long time ago. Every single intimate secret of my life I shared in trust with my wife then boom every single one has been thrown back in my face in a fit of rage…these videos reassure me that I’m not alone or crazy…

"A relationship with a narcissist is one extended manipulation." That is the most accurate and succinct explanation. Thanks for the videos!

@3ittybittypiggiesstorytime547

2 жыл бұрын

Just like Cancel CULTure?

@jram8555

2 жыл бұрын

One never ending argument over dumb shit !!!!

@Lilylibra

2 жыл бұрын

@@jram8555 Spot on!! I’ve learnt (albeit rather late in the day) that I fell into the needs of child with arrested development that resides in an adult man. Still, knowledge is power, it has helped. Plenty of stone-walling since🤐. No more compliance with the narc manipulation. 😘

@carolnahigian9518

2 жыл бұрын

He has Wisdom; thanks for Valudation.

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

@@3ittybittypiggiesstorytime547 👍

This is exactly what is happening to me. They sabotage the relationship and blame you.

@thomasgrabowski2202

Жыл бұрын

Mhm.

@marieblaha6263

Жыл бұрын

Ditto

@jesusgirl682

8 ай бұрын

Indeed

@jackilynpyzocha662

4 ай бұрын

And the enabler(Dad's girlfriend) makes excuses for him, He blames me for abusing me. The two of them tank!

One of the hardest things is the unfair character assassination. I've kept deep secrets of theirs but my own are public fodder. All we can do is live in such a way to make them the liar. Thank you for your encouraging words Dr. C.

@tallguy8937

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve kept the secrets too, but got beat up with mine and laughed at, even by their flying monkeys. It’s disgusting when you’re struggling and they laugh and chuckle at you.

@SoigneWave

2 жыл бұрын

This is most certainly the most frustrating part. The last time we talked mine said "I hope you aren't telling my business because I certainly haven't told yours." Just lie after lie while I am here being a loyal friend.

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

Still there. determination resolve & courage also needed ...D R C

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Their lies are made public and spread far and wide but our truth remains hidden in silence. The narcissist is a tricky devil! They train you to keep quiet as they brainwash you and everyone else. We need to talk about them and expose them when necessary and for our own healing.

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

@@tallguy8937 Oh yes. I’ve lived through that and it’s very hard. They love to kick and laugh at you when you’re down.

"They constantly invalidate you" Yep.

Opening-eye phrase: "They don´t think with respect to mutuality, they think in terms of comparison..."

"The best defence you can have is a good character." Detach emotionally from those who believe the smear campaigner and treat you with contempt. See them for who they are and "hold on to your self respect" as Dr C encourages us.

@mittiejohnson1354

2 жыл бұрын

Yes we must move from those that believe them, because they don’t mean us any good either

@michelepascoe6068

2 жыл бұрын

@@mittiejohnson1354 absolutely, go low to no contact

@carolnahigian9518

2 жыл бұрын

my 3 relatives Excluded me from invitations & parties, yet CAME TO MY HOME TO (bulimia) vomit, Purge and sober up& use & ridicule ME: "it was nice knowing you, Cousin Bulimia"!(ugh)

@michelepascoe6068

2 жыл бұрын

@@carolnahigian9518 wishing you a full recovery and happy life

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

Yes but some don't know about our dr. C. & they are in the dark & need to be taught shown if we get stronger & have nothing to lose & bring heavenly aid the spirit that gives us dr. C to begin with

The worst part about this is that the Narcissist and the flying monkeys will destroy the relationships you have with people you love dearly. Losing them is crushing.

The world is full of narcissists. Fight them with integrity. Great video!

@nevill81

Жыл бұрын

Indeed they are everywhere 😔

@thomasgrabowski2202

Жыл бұрын

Yes...💖💖🙌

It took decades to realize my "friend" was a narcissist. All I can say is be aware of how people treat you. If it doesn't sit right with you, you need to really examine the situation and how toxic they really are and get away.

@thomasgrabowski2202

Жыл бұрын

Too late for me...😔😔

They start building a case the minute they meet someone. Always looking for anything that can be reconstructed as a slight.

@monikaazariah9237

2 жыл бұрын

OMG yes....she did that the moment a new member entered the family...my mil ...started character assassination from day 1 ...i even told her NOT to compare us

@salmyrle1920

Жыл бұрын

Yes, this is what I believe my ex did. He chose me because I was “broken” at the time, going through some really rough times. It was the perfect time for him to move in and get what he wanted. He would get me to open up to him, but almost everything about him that he told me was a lie, I never really knew who he was. His mother raised two sociopathic narcissists who have both tried to control and manipulate women.

@cazjay017

Жыл бұрын

So so true.

This is so true. My ex would only pay attention when I’m talking about my faults. He couldn’t stand to hear about my good days or uplifted moments.

@douglastunnell6992

2 жыл бұрын

They are DEMON Posessed Leaving that POS was one of the BEST Decisions you Have EVER MADE.

@Maria_9789

2 жыл бұрын

This resonates with me.

@Ilikeyoualot

2 жыл бұрын

@@Maria_9789 I use to think maybe that was the only time he was interested because it made him feel better about his own life. Other than that, when I started to talk about myself I could hear the distracted/frustration in his huffing for me to hurry up and stop talking. After awhile, I just stopped talking about myself which led him to eventually calling me boring. I had felt silenced for so long I too insecure to talk about myself.

@Maria_9789

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ilikeyoualot i am noticing this happening to me or has happened. I come form very passive aggressive communication type of family, therefore I don't feel heard. But here with these videos i am noticing things. Thanks for responding. And I send you strength and hope.

@eugenelevin8314

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it’s true - and most likely he could expertly find the fault in your good days and uplifting moments and not be shy about letting you know they weren’t actually good and uplifting at all ! Thanks for sharing

I wonder how people are in prison, falsely accused by a Narcissist Sociopath or Pychopath? To cover up, for their own crimes?

@karenstanislaw8912

2 жыл бұрын

If not literally, MIE MarTine, certainly metaphorically.

@felipealem6590

2 жыл бұрын

It happens a lot. I know 2 that have put me ruff situation. Smear campaign. Threats etc

@1Hopeinhim

2 жыл бұрын

Many, I'm sure.

@felipealem6590

2 жыл бұрын

@Yeshua E. Godbless you.

@miemartine2216

2 жыл бұрын

@@karenstanislaw8912 In Actuality - Literally! No Metaphors!

By leaving out the relevant details. Disclosing opinions as though mere facts. Helping others with gaslighting to rush to faster outcomes.

OMG!! This is EXACTLY what I went through! I can’t believe I let someone treat me this way. The love bombing literally lasted a few months. I spent 2 1/2 years trying to do whatever I could to get my ex to be the way she was when we first started dating. I started to believe the hurtful things she said and that I was the problem in our relationship. I attempted suicide on my birthday when she told me she wasn’t in love with me and didn’t think she ever had been. On my birthday!! Thank God I wasn’t successful and I finally realized how toxic that relationship was. Don’t be like me. There’s nothing wrong with you. You are enough. If you’re watching these videos you already know deep down you’re not the problem. Start planning your escape NOW.

@AvecPoesie

2 жыл бұрын

Blessings to you for enduring and making it through. I've come to realize, sadly, that narcissists often pounce on Birthdays and any other ostensibly joyous, special occasions for those they abuse. They understand the pain they cause you on such days will cut much deeper. Wishing you continued strength!

@vp5134

2 жыл бұрын

I can feel you. My ex has been so mean to me on my last birthday. Hurtful, despising me. We ended our 13 year relationship a few months after. It's been 6 months. I finally feel free from his constant manipulation.

@JazmineFyne

2 жыл бұрын

@@AvecPoesie thank you. So true about birthdays! That’s something I noticed when I started to come to my senses that every birthday she started an unnecessary argument. It was so weird! She did extravagant things then seemed to ruin my day on purpose. She is truly an evil person.

@JazmineFyne

2 жыл бұрын

@@vp5134 congrats! Good for you for realizing you deserve better. When I left I had nothing but my clothes when I moved into my apartment. I was happy to sleep on the floor that first night knowing I didn’t have to deal with her anymore.

@douglastunnell6992

2 жыл бұрын

I Know. This GOOD doctor is VERY Very accurate!

Highly competitive people seem to disproportionately be narcissists. Anytime I meet people driven by winning, think that person super into Crossfit or the arrogant Exec in a business, I run, not walk, away!

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

I don't believe it, it can't be true especially if Hillary spouted it- which I recall Hillary lied for a living

@marisamartin3664

2 жыл бұрын

@@jennyanderson4796 You mean her being an attorney?

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

Oh um with really really really low opinion of HRC from documentaries she was quite the villian, but it doesn't sound like we get the same info.

@englishinsixtyseconds

Жыл бұрын

Except the vulnerable narcissist. They do the opposite.

Your best defence is a good character

A narc is a constant thorn in your side.

Oh, and the invalidations! Over time I've heard, or not heard, countless instances of invalidation. Often they are not spoken at all, a silent sneer, a furtive look, staring at the wall or the floor in response to my expressing my unique perspective. Their contempt is palpable, it pervades the very air.

@ratzania

2 жыл бұрын

@@kerribarclay5976 i understand you but from my experience you are going to see a rage attack against you, take care because narcisist know exactly where to punch you or they will on and on till they do.

A narcs smear campaigns are affective enough to turn your own family against you. It's hard to fathom until you've experienced it.

this is really what MUST be understood about narcissists... they believe their false reality (lies) because its a reality that makes them the center of the universe.. and a reality that Deflects the Truth that they actually are not.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You get it. Dr. C

It’s sad you confide in them with your deepest problems looking for advice, support, and concern, only to find out later all you did was help them build their case and provide them with more ammo.

@Bonnie-fh8up

2 жыл бұрын

Yep that is one of the truths that come to sting the most. It like going to the devil and asking him for mercy and understanding. ! We were trusting in a wolf in sheeps clothing. !

@etphonehome4511

2 жыл бұрын

My own fucking mom!....I'm completely disillusioned and heartbroken

@tallguy8937

2 жыл бұрын

@@etphonehome4511 mine too. My dad and brother are no better. Probably worse. Sorry you experienced that.

@jasminearenivar1582

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, sharing personal stuff only for it to be thrown in your face in an argument or even in a passing conversation. Word salad as Dr.Ramani says. Things that absolutely hurt to know they never empathized but just held on to your data to later hurt you with it.

@raindanse8466

2 жыл бұрын

I share nothing personal to coworkers, nothing. Anything one says can and will be used against you. Save yourself as it happens often.

Take 1 part lack of empathy, 2 parts of i’me ALLWAYS right, 3 parts of i’me in charge and don’t you forget it, 4 parts of manipulation of those who will listen mix all together and then add as many other negative ingredients that you can dream up give a slice to all you think will eat and even ask for more!

Even more hurtful is when that narc is your own mother. Drove me at some point to taking my own life. I just needed to have a real, genuine mother. I hope to have one in heaven when it’s time

@live4christ295

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that, one day we all will want no more in the Kingdom of The Most High..God bless you sis

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

Same thing here. My narcissistic mother repeatedly told me to kill my self and so I kept trying. I’d like to talk to people like you because no one I know understands the pain we have.

@jillsorbera7247

2 жыл бұрын

Wow I hope you don't kill yourself!!!! Try reading the New Testament just 3 minutes every morning🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 My mother is the same❤️ Stay strong

@jazbogideon7050

2 жыл бұрын

Yep

@ratzania

2 жыл бұрын

my mother is also a narc and i just finished a relathionship with a narc boyfriend,... he was the one who finally made me go search for narcisism help. At least now i understand. Trying to recover but still remember a lot of complicated situations that my mother put me in, she was like vodoo puppeteer me...It's not fair but we have to live with it. I really think the best way to get out of it is to live a meaningful life, discovering what we like to do and go for it. Hope all of us can heal, it's really a burden.

I was horrified watching the narcissist attempting to build cases against me diabolically, with total sinisterism in recent court situations with her.... gosh, it was ugly! 😈

@joanthompson4559

2 жыл бұрын

I pray that you are totally and completely free of this 🙏 person. They have nothing but destructive energy. 🙏🙏🙏

@robinbelliveau1818

2 жыл бұрын

Court is awful with these people. Not only do they make up stuff about you but they will do the same about the kids if you have any with them. I found that the best way to deal with the onslaught in court is to expect it, only focus on the legal stuff the courts care about, and don’t even bother addressing any of it. Judges don’t care, especially if they see that you are not phased by it

@peterknyk1942

2 жыл бұрын

@@robinbelliveau1818 Thank you for your comment! I tried to be composed but I couldn't! There are more court dates coming up and I hope I will be able to do what you suggested! Thank you so much!

@robinbelliveau1818

2 жыл бұрын

@@peterknyk1942 I know how infuriating it is! If your judge doesn’t care and ignores the lies, then follow their lead. From my experience, they tend to ignore the drama. So many of us have had to deal with it so know you’re not alone. Make sure you get support elsewhere. You are going to need to vent to someone you can trust implicitly. Just don’t get stuck there!

@mre9208

7 ай бұрын

Once a Narcissist has been dishonest they don't correct themselves.

Once they do something for you they never let it go, especially once you get into a disagreement or don’t bend to their every whim. 🙃

@kevinowens6010

Жыл бұрын

Then punish you for bending. Bottomfeeders is what they are

The trust, love and now the humility and pain I suffer after realizing my wife of 15 years was a total sham. Her true colors really popped once I caught her cheating.

OMG. I’ve just spent 30 years with a narcissist without really understanding WTF was going on. Your explanations have made my head explode. I’m so embarrassed that it’s taken this long to finally understand.

@cathy14cs

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve spent 48 and always thought it was emotional abuse. Then I thought it was just me. That I was the narcissist. After much research and reading I’ve discovered I’m not. It’s him. A covert narcissist. Gaslighter. But of course everyone thinks he’s the calm lovely person. I’m the crazy one.

@omarra6781

2 жыл бұрын

Don't either of you be embarrassed or feel guilty. You couldn't have known in the beginning and by the time you started catching on you were already entrenched. That's how it works. By the time you realized something was wrong you were struggling just to keep your head above water and that takes all your effort. Chins up, lovelies, and carry on.

@cathy14cs

2 жыл бұрын

@@omarra6781 thank you for your kind words I am still learning and now I know what it’s all about it’s become a challenge to deal with it. I can and will do it.

@omarra6781

2 жыл бұрын

@@cathy14cs I have a feeling you will be just fine. You have a name for "it" now and can research it and put the information to good use. And you WANT to succeed. Not sure if you've heard of these people, but for a few years I watched a lot of Richard Grannon, and plenty of Dr. Ramani and Dr. Grande as well. I had a pretty good foundation of info already, but they helped seal the deal and got me over that last hump. Good luck to you! I wish you every success.

@howardshapiro6553

Жыл бұрын

@@cathy14cs took me 25 years. brutal

It is interesting that narcissists build a case against you behind your back, because you always wish people knew what the narcissist was really like behind everyone's back. The covert narcissist is completely charming to others, but will talk about all the people they convinced of their charm behind those people's backs as soon as those people are out of the room. Yet, you look bad trying to convince others of what the narcissist is really like in private, so you never can say anything. The Snuffleupagusness is astounding when dealing with the covert narcissist.

@cassiebrown9786

2 жыл бұрын

Dr. Les is 100% correct about their little database. My stupidity for opening up to one conniving narcissist. It's unfortunate I had to do my own documentation on this person. My difference is my truth versus their lies. Always on my guard. Stay away and they will never have anything on you!

@lorinotarius

2 жыл бұрын

@@cassiebrown9786 Not stupidity. Not your fault. They are EXTREMELY good at manipulating people and at hiding their true selves initially. It can happen to anyone. They don't start out the way they end. It's easy to be fooled the same way everyone is fooled by them. For the same reason I look bad saying what abusive things he did, I get the "Oh, well, maybe he's changed." or "That's hard to believe. He was so charming at the party, so funny.", is why you fell for them. I wanted to tell this woman who said exactly that to me, "Well, of course he's charming and funny. He wouldn't get more prey if he weren't charming and funny initially. That is NOT how people with NPD end." They start out funny and smiling, showing up every day, walking you home, seeming to care, but they end up with a cold, dead look in their eyes and can't be bothered to take a photo with you on your birthday. Then, they literally shut a door in your face as if you don't exist anymore until you get a shiny, new feeling again in their mind years later and they show up as if nothing ever happened. Psychotic.

@dumblizzie

2 жыл бұрын

@@dcg31free I decided not to expose a Narc in front of their flying monkeys, I knew it would look bad for me. It was Mr Charming around everyone so if I spoke up against it the blame would be directed towards me. I went no contact, avoided the flying monkeys and smiled and said 'no comment'. Showing that you're happy and living your best life without them is what makes them try to destroy your character. They end up looking nasty and vindictive, stupid and peeps see the real them. The fake them disappears, they self destruct. They can't get revenge on silence. Love life again it's the best revenge.

@cyndigooch1162

2 жыл бұрын

Lori Natarius That's exactly right and I've noticed that highly narcissistic individuals tend to take their masks off, so to speak, earlier with me, hence why I feel even MORE less than! I mean they get angry with me, or are rude, or criticise other people to me, yet it seems like they treat others much better and are VERY popular too. I totally understand why people have trouble acknowledging that all is not as it seems though, then blame their behaviour on their difficult job, or other issues, which can be the case, especially with stressful jobs involving abuse. Mind you, I feel like saying that I'm not their punching bag, or it's not okay to take it out on me, no matter what! Another point is that I've experienced extreme trauma throughout my life and, going by that logic, it means that I can take it out on everyone else. I'm certainly not going to that though. I'm learning that it's best not to say anything to anyone and I've ended up being validated more than once, even though it can take a long time before it happens. I'm staying away from and stopping contact with a lot of people, including family members, as well, but it seems like I don't have one single empathetic friend who cares, except myself, in my life now! I've been disappointed so many times when I've met people who've turned out to be narcissistic, rather than empathetic. However, I do understand that most of it is caused by childhood trauma and I've had huge issues in that area, so I'm far from perfect. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet new ones eventually and these extremely helpful videos and comments are keeping me going in the meantime. ❤

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

@@dcg31free True and that’s why I never tried. The flying monkeys are narcissistic themselves and are invested in the false reality. It’s a frustration that I put behind me as I left the “relationships” I had with so many of them. They don’t want to know what’s true and what isn’t. They think it’s too much work. They bore me now.

Yes, it's true that the best and only thing you can do, is show good character. Narcissists do their best to destroy your reputation in order to keep you on the downside and elevate themselves. But in the end, it's best to keep your integrity and know who you are despite the lies they spread.

@exlesoes

10 ай бұрын

It's really devastating I'm not sure if I'll be okay I feel devastated

Miranda rights as read by the narcissist: "You have the right to remain inferior in my eyes. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of my opinion. You have the right to degradation. If you cannot afford condescension, it will be provided to you at no cost other than your self-esteem."

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

That's how it would read if they had the chance! Dr. C

Nothing but an ongoing manipulation. That is the simplest, best description of these relationships.

Building a case against you is the only way they can accept you leaving them too. Its also why you cant keep any friends close to them, they will have that story in thier head conflicting with your relationship with them. Its mass abandonment when you finally go because it's becomes a fight with everyone for who you really are and what really happened. It's awful. When I tell people my ex is dangerous, they don't get it. It can ruin you life to get wrapped up a relationship with one. Literally.

@zzslye

2 жыл бұрын

yep all kinds of people thought he was the victim, even though I've been trying to get away (nor for years) from a man who smashed my bones in and went to prison for it, and helped him stalk me! all educated, "nice" people

@michellek2946

2 жыл бұрын

That’s exactly what happened. I was destroyed emotionally and not one person that was in our group of friends called to ask if I was ok. They all thought he was the victim. It’s so unfair. So unjust. I’m still devastated

@zzslye

2 жыл бұрын

@@michellek2946 i just decided they were all morons and likely to beat their wives...it's a bitter truth but most people aren't really that good and they have been manipulated by those people to feel like they are justified. so we can only build our own lives.

@thomasgrabowski2202

Жыл бұрын

I agree. I needed to hear this. Thank you. 💖💖

@thomasgrabowski2202

Жыл бұрын

Yes. Im in this boat right fucking now. Unreal....😔💖

Once a narcissist has been identified the goal is to get them out of your life as fast as possible.

They love to set traps to make you look bad, don't fall into their evil scheme. Keep cool.. be a bystander, be witty to counter the diabolical behaviour of the narcissist.

It's actually sad how someone who actually never did anything wrong gets pulled into bullshit and lies and drama uggh.

@MJ-qb5ph

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. And/or is the only one who has done the internal work - recovery, therapy, spirituality etc. just stay away from their toxic BS

@apekshajairajpillai

2 жыл бұрын

@@MJ-qb5ph thanks kind soul. 🌸 True.

@lifewithapurpose237

2 жыл бұрын

20 + C + B + M + 21

@MJ-qb5ph

2 жыл бұрын

@@apekshajairajpillai Melanie Tonia Evans calls it spiritual warfare. I think she is right

What's devastating is when your own attorney has seen every awful thing go on amd they still seem to be on the narcissists side, people that are normal and don't cause a bunch of drama are the ones that get dumped on. It's almost like they would rather keep the narcissist happy to shut them up rather than do what's right.

@carpathianken

2 жыл бұрын

It doesn't help that our twisted & sick society encourages & promotes loud mouth narcissists too I reckon

@mre9208

7 ай бұрын

Narcissists don't back down.

It’s a devil spirit inside them.

There are so many layers to this insidiousness! Their manipulative tactics will seep up through the cracks before you even realize what just happened! I'm looking back on the last decade of my life in total disgust. I ALLOWED this person (I really want to call him something else), to manipulate the day lights out of me. I have even noticed that I have anger issues now. I am very aware of my own behaviors. I observe myself and how I behave/respond/react and I just cannot understand how someone can't even look at their own reflection. They can't own shit. They want you to be the container for their bullshit. Im seriously scratching my head as to how people can be this way. And its like they are programmers or "seeders" of every bad emotion or behavior there is. You'll see that if you have children with them. Before you know it, your looking for the pieces of your soul and trying to figure out what the hell you're going to do now.

@notagain779

2 жыл бұрын

Chrissy Lou Who?, I scratch my head at these types also. You're right that they are programmers. Where I worked, there was a married couple as co-workers. They were very calculating in instigating divisions between people. They seemed to relish the idea that a fight might break out (that they caused behind the scenes) Sometimes among new hires who were young, their tactics would work. Then you could see them turn all gleeful while they were enjoying the show! Those of us who witnessed it over and over, thought that they really didn't have much of a home life together if this is what they needed to feel powerful and have something to gossip about at the dinner table. It was awful! Two of us older employees started to warn new hires, and it seemed to shut them down a bit over time, as the message ran "through the grapevine" of employees. Soon, no one trusted them. I hope you'll be feeling better soon. Dr. Carter is a fantastic resource in learning to understand these types of people.

@kamalpada1270

2 жыл бұрын

They are like hackers of the mind and soul, you will need Gods help and knowledge from this channel to process and overcome it. Just be careful not to punish innocent ppl with the anger issues..

@evelyntokamp1011

2 жыл бұрын

@Chrissy Lou Who? Yes, that is exactly it in a nutshell: "They can't own shit. They want you to be the container for their bullshit."

@teelynnsaldana7721

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with you TOTALLY…Spending soo much time trying to heal the damage..

@tovenrvik6336

2 жыл бұрын

Ppl get ptsd after narcisstic, bcs it is so stressful, others even get Fatique, that's an total burn out ‼️Nature are healing, be where there are trees and grass, it can do a lot‼️👍

Man you are so right! They hold info beyond 20 years and throw it in your face. Couldn't remember that far back lol

@ginkgo2021

25 күн бұрын

yes their recall is amazing. my narc's discard speech was so specific. he said (paraphrasing) you have been always angry because 22 years ago that thing happened that made you angry. Huh? I was so caught up in the specific reference to "22 years ago" that I didn't quite catch the rest of his speech.

Most often sentences I have used in a relationship with a narc. " "No I am not!", "No I haven´t!", "No, that is not true!"...."Please, stop it!".... :(

@wildhorses6817

2 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY 💯

@Ilikeyoualot

2 жыл бұрын

Same. “That’s not true” would send him into a rage. If I interjected one of his 3 hours rants it would send him over the edge and I would be accused of being problematic. I had trouble letting him make up things so I know I made things worse when I tried to tell him what he was saying wasn’t true.

@danieladeutsch1708

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ilikeyoualot Exactly! I was lucky, because I had a long-distance-relationship and we chatted mostly. So could show him evidence: his own messages. He became extremely suspicious and started to watch, what he is writing. Did you also had a behavior from your partner, that he was telling you what YOU want, need, dream of, but you have never mentioned that? Mine said, he knows, because he is studying me!

@Ilikeyoualot

2 жыл бұрын

@@danieladeutsch1708 my ex would always make me feel like I needed to different or better than I am. He was not content with me being ordinary and called me boring and dead weight. He always made me feel like I was never doing enough with myself or the relationship no matter what I did. So, yes he would tell me what I needed to be doing and how I should be.

@maggiehughes9376

2 жыл бұрын

I do find that saying "Whatever!" helps. He doesn't know what to say next. LOL. Tried laughing at him but that doesn't work.

It starts with a child who learned to manipulate its parent(s) who never set or maintained limits. They didn't have to deal with learning that they aren't the center of the world. They continue manipulating into adulthood because that is the only way they learned to cope and because it always worked. A child gathers data on how to manipulate parents until the parents refuse to be manipulated.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Regretfully, what you say has accuracy. Dr. C

_"Try to keep you confused about who you are."_ *EXACTLY!* Calling you evil. Yu as a moral person who takes accountability start to question who you know yourself to be.

"Ongoing manipulation" so exhausting! Thank you Dr. Carter for helping those of us who are in these relationships. At least I know what I am dealing with now. First I must stop discarding and devaluing myself...

Yeah. He used my addiction issues against me to cover up the fact that he has more addiction issues. He purposely baited me and degraded me by making comments about my struggles in front of his friends.

Excellent. One of the ways that a narcissist positions themselves as the "better" person is through religion, portraying themselves as the more righteous and religious person. Even though they are, in fact, hypocritical in practice, and know little about religion, they take shelter in hardline puritanical outward appearances so they look beyond reproach to outsiders. Decency and goodness, which religion actually teaches, is totally out of the equation.

@mmmsunshine5367

2 жыл бұрын

Soooooo right ....infuriating

@joykraft1175

2 жыл бұрын

I believe all narcissists go to hell. They make their victims lives hell on earth so it's only fair that they spend eternity burning 🥵

If the narcissist is your superior in any way at work: rank, or just been there longer so they know more, then they're in the driver's seat. They can withhold information, give you wrong information, get you flustered or nervous (such as by ridicule or false accusation), complain about you behind your back to management, and if they have enough evil finesse, your performance will never be what it could have been.

Today's the 4 year anniversary that a covert narcissist completely ignored that a friend of mine died as a result of the healthcare system in her country misinterpreting her rare condition. That was an eye-opener! I quickly let it go but I didn't forget. Almost 2 years later, the covert narcissist attempted to gaslight me about that rare condition. Fortunately, I love truth, reality and myself far more than any narcissist or their flying monkeys. I burned bridges with both which was definitely worth doing. If they think/say anything about me, that's frankly none of my business. There's no space in my head, heart or day for that. The only reason I gave that any thought whatsoever was I watched this video. Life goes on with dignity, respect and civility. As the script from "Fiddler on the Roof" said, "Rabbi, Is there a blessing for the Czar?" and the rabbi's response was, "May the Lord God bless and keep the Czar far away from us!"

@moebanshee

2 жыл бұрын

I've been criticized for not maintaining connections with people... You hurt me once bad on me you hurt me twice okay what's up I don't give you a third time you're done you're history I don't talk to you again I don't bother with you again as far as I'm concerned if someone's going to be a narcissist they don't exist I burn Bridges not only do I burn the bridges but I make sure that they can't be rebuilt.

@TheAngelaoddone

2 жыл бұрын

@@moebanshee healthy boundaries are key.

@kellyleighread807

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheAngelaoddone the ex husband did not think it applied to him.

@TheAngelaoddone

2 жыл бұрын

@@kellyleighread807 "ex" = boundary. What he thinks doesn't matter. What matters is what you think.

@kellyleighread807

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheAngelaoddone yeah the ex husband walked around nude each day I told 5he ex husband that it's disrespectful to our children. He told me it was his house and he could do what he want he cared nothing of us.

I’ve heard that before: “You don’t really know what she’s like; I know who you really are.” We could never resolve conflict well.

@shiny7301

2 жыл бұрын

👍💯They always live in conflicts

@keplermission4947

2 жыл бұрын

I know such narcissists and the suffering they cause over tens of years, that it takes us to be able to appreciate Dr. Les Carter's observations, wow! A younger person needs a quicker rule of thumb to save time. So listen carefully to what Dr. Les says and when you find these people, just avoid their shadow (dark side).

@kamicrum4408

2 жыл бұрын

My ex,a nsrc told any & everybody who woukd listen that I was crazy! He went as fsr asvto make stuff up!

@dvawva5197

2 жыл бұрын

My nar-sister would say, "Everybody knows you," as if I had some character glitch when in reality SHE was the flawed one. SMH

@tovenrvik6336

2 жыл бұрын

@@kamicrum4408 They do stuff like that‼️Evil do evil‼️Leave them alone, never go back, they get worse and some kill their partner ‼️

I’ve had that happen to me. How they build a case: - by scorekeeping - misrepresenting the truth - projecting - data mining. Then they cherry-pick what they want

@kgpz100

2 жыл бұрын

My ex did exactly this. Shame they can be so endearing and charismatic as they ruin your life!

@salliegallegos918

2 жыл бұрын

Asking how much money you have in savings and 401ks. Lol data mining

lol @ "gaslight the days out of you"

I have left what I truly believe now is an authoritarian, covert narcissist husband. I believe if not for your channel I would have stayed in a completely broken down state. Thank you for providing this information to help find healing!!

@tovenrvik6336

2 жыл бұрын

Dr Judy Rosenberg have good videos about Narcissism and Narcissistic mothers, Narc Survivor is a channel to learn from, too‼️

After meeting a few Narcissistic people, your trust and safety is shot. Now I can’t help but wonder if someone is gathering data to use against me later.

@1Hopeinhim

2 жыл бұрын

Be careful and don't reveal yourself with new people. That's my takeaway. Wait and let them reveal themselves. Trust your instincts too.

@MJ-qb5ph

2 жыл бұрын

I feel the same. From being a total extrovert and being repeatedly burned by narcs I now live a hermit life - and to be honest in many ways I prefer it. Humans are too creepy for me now

he told me I show him no respect then told me I was a piece of shit and that's the way he's gonna treat me, like a piece of shit. I'm calling a lawyer tomorrow

Dealing with this now. My mother told me not to come visit and said she wasn't going to have a funeral for my father. Now my uncles are calling me and telling me she has been crying to them that she doesn't know if I'm going to come or not. I just can't win.

@AmyMichelleMosier

2 жыл бұрын

Have you thought about recording conversations? A good digital voice recorder is about $50.

@GerhardMack

2 жыл бұрын

@@AmyMichelleMosier solved this time by telling everyone I would go and then she couldn't back out since she told all of them I should be there. I will keep your idea in mind going forward, thanks.

I found it to be extremely painful when some of my loved ones believed the smears made by the narcissist in my life. I couldn’t understand how those who had never seen the behaviour attributed to me, could so easily fall for such blatant lies. I came to the conclusion that the only solution is to stay away from them as much as is possible, and not engage. As for the narcissist, no contact gives me the greater peace of mind ☮️

When you’re finally hip to their games and you’re standing there knowing full well they’re in the middle of a Manipulation of you it’s Totally surreal. You’re staring down the beast realizing that this person isn’t who you thought they were and you just can’t wait to remove yourself from the situation. It’s bitter sweet too because on 1 hand you’ve grown as a person and it’s something to be proud of and on the other hand you could never see this person same way you used to or let your guard down around them unless some reconciliation is made by their effort.

@Greenwings701

2 жыл бұрын

But you simultaneously realize they're not really prone to self-conscious apologies or shame. And they don't look comfortable thanking people either, it tends to be a weak attempt.

@etphonehome4511

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah it's my mom....who I confided in....not knowing her I was handing her a loaded gun

@freedomtobeintheknow-kryst9705

Жыл бұрын

Exactly

@racheljones8935

Жыл бұрын

There is no reconciliation with them. Never let your guard down even if they seem like they are trying to reconcile. It's a trap!

Thanks Dr. C. Hello to Gus in the corner there!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Woof!

This has happened to me in the workplace. I became very ill (PTSD) as a result. Workplace has agreed to reasonable adjustments, but I don't trust them at all and am VERY on my guard.

I don't need other people's validation. I am my own validation!

But after learning about narcissism for about a year, I recognize most of the tricks, do not get baited, talked in circles or gaslighted. The arrogance of the narcissist still annoys me and I notice his ongoing need for creating chaos and confusion clearly now.

Everything is not a competition. It is very difficult with parents who are narcissistic. They think if you set a boundary or consequences for their actions, they isolate. You have to have resolve to end the supply to the narcissist.

@tallguy8937

2 жыл бұрын

I never dared set a boundary with mine. I just walked the tightrope, especially after they divorced. Wish I had been stronger and let it all end decades ago, instead of prolonging the agony, only to have it end anyway.

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

@@tallguy8937 I had two narcissistic parents and stayed with them for around 59 years. I wish I’d left home at 14. They hook you with some little (positive) things and you don’t realize the huge negative impact they’re really having on you until much later in life. At least that’s how it was for me. I guess them telling me to kill my self should have clued me in but all of them had made me so sick that I didn’t know up from down. Sorry for rambling..

@divaslm1

2 жыл бұрын

@@kerribarclay5976 Agree wholeheartedly. I am dealing with a very jealous narcissist who is upset that my career path differed. They view you as inferior and you literally have to cut off supply because everything is about manipulation. They think you need to associate with the people they associate with. You have to set boundaries and if you feel uncomfortable being around them, then you must isolate physically from them. You can communicate in other ways, face time.

I’m so glad that I watched this video tonight. I felt like you knew what is going on with me. My Narcissistic husband is never and I mean NEVER , ever been wrong or sorry . The daily ongoing verbal abuse and stressed caused by it, has honestly hit my health like a cannon ball. I washed my hair today and 2- clumps of hair just fell out. And for basically 2 months now I cannot eat, it makes me so sick! Which is just as well since most of the time there’s no food in the fridge. He tries to make believe we’re poor, but we aren’t! We don’t need carpet in our house, because we have eggshells on the floors. All I have to do is say the wrong thing or ask question about him and the verbal abuse starts. And he gets, mean. And like you mentioned Dr. Carter, he keeps any and all things I’ve told him and uses them as weapons against me. And since I quit my job to take care of the kids, all the money is his. I buy groceries, big mistake. One of the worst things he throws at me is bringing up my Mother, my best friend who I lost 4 years ago, I still miss her everyday. He then starts calling her a bitch. He then says one of the meanest, cruelest things he says is, because you and your mother were mean and bitches, that that’s why my father (the best ever), had a drinking problem. There’s so much more, but I’ve said more than I should have. With a narcissist, it’s always your (me) fault. This house is in no way a home. If anyone reads this then thank you. Please don’t post mean comments, I already get more than I can handle

@emmaharper860

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely💯

@sonyabadorek7392

2 жыл бұрын

You are not alone. I heard you when I read your message & swear I was reading my own story. Sending you blessings & thanking you for your honest outpouring. May your darkness pass and you find that part of yourself again...in freedom✨♥️✨

@autumnfoerderer5820

2 жыл бұрын

❤️😢❤️

@jennyanderson4796

2 жыл бұрын

How I wish you could just ditch him without noticing him ! An escape route through the window .... there must be a way , if you could dream one up & make your dream a reality we'd all support you 100% & be glad to hear of how it went down ! If there be any life in you yet, he's so not deserving .... all your energies save to find a new dwelling ! Good luck & a prayer 🙏

@a.y.7738

2 жыл бұрын

That business with sharing your personal info and having the narc wield it against you for years and years is just so classic. They will remind you of those traumas just to keep you trauma bound and shackled, keeping you in the state of loser. They loathe you having good relationships and insist whatever you are into is lame and so are you. Toxic individuals with tons of entities attachments. You are awesome and so are your children, they love you. ✝️

Ah, the tally sheet... But it's not just how many nice things they have done for you, it can be how many bad things you have (allegedly) done to them!

Unfortunately keeping documentation is critical against them. Catching them in the lies is freat in court, watching them play victim in court and then showing the court hiw much its a lie is absolute gold. Watch them flip their switch and try another tactic. Currently building a contempt list, numerous lies blatantly saying shes with my child when shes out at the bar. When i have rights of refusal. If that was me doing that i would be attacked woth a caveated case of neglect. I fear for my young sons early developments.

It is important to pay attention to how we give our time, energy and resources. When around the damaged souls, it is natural to engage and defend ourselves, but it is a waste of our time and energy and is a drain on our soul. Over the years, accepting this reality has given me a space/barrier that feels like I am wearing an invisible coat of peace in their restless presence. I am empowered with choice and it is beautiful.

@munchiekins

2 жыл бұрын

beautiful comment

My exes smear campaign began 2 weeks after the beginning of the relationship which lasted 20 years-so 20 years of gathering fake info against me and persuading everyone I knew that I was a terrible person

@harleyanne3720

2 жыл бұрын

Same here! You cannot defend yourself either. They will not believe you. I saved my breathe.

@catherinewholey3630

2 жыл бұрын

@@harleyanne3720 I did too! not worth wasting the energy on. I have gone "no contact" with everyone who believed the lies. Obviously they weren't "my tribe"!

@harleyanne3720

2 жыл бұрын

@@catherinewholey3630 Absolutely not my tribe. !

@katalynbabe

2 жыл бұрын

Yep mine had his family friends exes & all associations & all my family and friends & associations convinced I was bad so I was isolated being abused 24.7 with no help Everyone turned on me.

@harleyanne3720

2 жыл бұрын

@@katalynbabe Glad you are out. They are sick people.

I don't know how else I would've gotten through the excruciating pain & confusion from my recent narcissistic relationship & discard, if not for you, Dr. C! Thank you!!!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're why I do the videos! Dr. C

Dr. Carter, today has been major breakthrough for me after years of searching for answers and to be set free. I have been pursuing my freedom to be me for years. The information required to change takes time and persistence. These videos have been instrumental to me going deeper to resolve inner conflicts I have had from past experiences. Today I received the insight that the first experience I had as a young child was infact Narrastic and it was at this point I started carrying their twisted inverted thinking onto me. Everything makes sense now. Almost every relationship since then was Narrastic. In fact whats happening in many parts of the world, communication is Narrastic. What a revelation!! At 58 I am beginning to step out and to become the real me and accepting and coming out of agreement with these thoughts I have been using as self defeating. OMG what day it is today!! I hope this encourages someone to keep going and see how you can be set free. Thanks Dr. Carter for your benevolence and being strong and gentle at the same time. We need your voice of truth. Thank you so much❤❤❤

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

So very pleased, Yvonne! Dr. C

@realliving7340

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations 🎊. I'm older too doing the same. We got this❤

@Paula-sw4mw

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, "strong and gentle" about Dr. C, and always with actionable steps, so we don't feel helpless.

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

My first experience as a very young child was with a very narcissistic person too and it shaped me into a narcissist magnet until I was about 59. It was with my mother and actually my father as well. I didn’t know who I was aside from the horrible, “mental patient “ that my family and others taught me I was. Now I know the real me who’s nothing like that! Thank goodness for the people online and here on YT such as Dr. Carter who devote their time and energy for free to help us who would otherwise be lost or even dead because of the narcissists.

@Cekatu

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism I agree with Yvonne. "Strong and gentle." That's exactly how you come across.

He accused me of cheating they entire marriage. Called me every single disgusting names you can think of. Trash me to people he know I don't communicate with. Call me broke and lazy, while doing everything he can to sabotage my wfh job. He's constantly being loud and argumentative, while I am working. He pay for investigation companies to track me online. And he used me for a green card and constantly try to accused me of usinv him. Everything I have told him have been used against me

somehow I still attract them. glad I know I dont have to put up with it ever again.

Yes, lies, projection and irrational anger: ABSURD They actually believe themselves. What a desperate situation. Nothing to do with them. Be confident and recover from their abuse and manipulation. The best actions to do are going away and loving yourself.

Spoiler: they lie.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

How did you know! Dr. C

@Shimmerin

2 жыл бұрын

I almost did a spit take. Lol Yup

@sheilajac

2 жыл бұрын

and provoke, manipulate, bait and confuse. speaking from experience.

@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS

2 жыл бұрын

Gall Danggitt YOU!! Why oh why did I scroll before watching this time?!

@malloryjoiner8286

2 жыл бұрын

Who coulda seen that comin’! Am I right? 😉

A case of you for the “ just in case” people who are afraid of their criminal behavior

This is so sick that someone would do this to someone their supposed to love !!! It’s disgusting!!

@emmaharper860

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. And they act as thou they have done NOTHING🤮 and in reality they are the crazy one.

My older sister us a narcissist. My mother enabled her behavior all our lives and suffered mightily by being bullied and manipulated. After our mother passed (long after) I tried very hard to keep a relationship with my sister despite the horrific verbal and emotional and physical abuse I endured from her growing up. Finally, I had enough and told her I would no longer tolerate her disrespect. If she was unwilling to treat me with the respect I deserve, then there is nothing to talk about. Since then she hasn't spoken to me, and has been working to destroy my relationships with remaining family members. I feel I have no recourse. No one to speak on my behalf. I refuse to "defend " myself and simply distance myself from family otherwise the situation is too too painful to carry every day. These people are in it for the long game. My sister is cunning. And I refuse to acknowledge her efforts by trying to "right" things. I have no hope of being able to enjoy time with what little family I have left. Narcissists are dangerousand, in my mind, evil people who take immense pleasure in exacting revenge. I tend to think it's more than a "disorder" and believe some day it will be classified as a true mental illness.

What is the narcissists reasoning when they project their bad behaviours and attitudes on others? For example accusing others of being judgemental and or entitled

It is so frustrating since you cannot do or change anything. One can only move away and make no contact. But these people are everywhere. Hopefully one day all people know about this topic and nobody accepts these people anymore

Took me awhile, but once you get past the confusion and the pain, peace will be found. Knowledge is power and not reacting with emotion to manipulation is key for me. Thank you Dr. C………not to say getting to this point is easy, but you will get there. Believe in your own decency….

I have no proof but my EX have all the traits of a narcissistic person.. Love bombed me. I used to say her words were always empty. Nothing she ever said we’d have together happened.. I never knew of gaslighting before I met her.. wow did she try to manipulate my healthy views on potential problems on making me think I was delusional… Her anger and outbursts towards me just for saying 1 word wrong in a sentence, she’d twist what I say to make her a victim and become extremely sensitive.. She would constantly criticise the cloths I wear or my hair cuts.. every other man we’d meet even the waiter in a restaurant she’d tell them how great they looked and compliment there shoes and hair cuts etc.. Funny thing is she claimed she adored me, said she loved me more than any other man in her life ever, even after she ended it she still claimed she loved me more than anyone.. She lacked empathy towards me, she acted very aloof most of the time, but she’d constantly moan about the lack of affection I showed her. By the end I used to say try giving to receive and not dictating. It’s nice to receive affection from the person you love.. I said from a very early stage I was always giving and she would take.. she was generous with her money but she also had a reckless streak.. I still can’t believe this so called woman who claimed she loved me ended up treating me this way and ending the relationship.. I should of walked away months ago…

@yime6631

2 жыл бұрын

Phillip Phill, your first statement was , "I have no proof.....", and then you listed off ALL proof that your person of reference is most definitely disordered in her behavior. That gaslighting does bad stuff to our thinking. Makes us doubt what we KNOW to be true and has us doubt our own discernment of the facts in front of us. May God's blessings keep you moving forward for your continued awareness and healing today. You've been dealing with one of the monsters. No contact whatsoever, forever, is best. I wish the very best for you.

Awesome video! Once you’ve been “gaslighted” by a narcissist, you never forget it. Hi to Gus!

It’s sad when mutual friends find out you broke up and don’t call to see how you are or what happened. I miss the good times but won’t ever mix them with controlling times.

The narc (my dad) is "my way or the highway", His flying monkey/girlfriend/enabler makes excuses for his behavior "that's the way he's always been, and won't change." Really pathetic, the two of them!

My x Narc framed me and lied in court about why I lost everything 9 years. I am slowly building my life again but still not fully at peace as I have not forgotten and the lies still hurt today as nothing can be done to change what he did as it went through court and signed so despite clearing my name I still live under his shadow of lies and decent of impact into my future. It was brutal as I left with children due to uncontrol violence and abuse. I still pray one day this be all over

@a.k.7424

2 жыл бұрын

Hi, Ivy-- Family court can really be maddening! The court can be really slow to see what is going on. I know how it hurts, and it is hard not to ruminate on the injustices over and over again. Hang in there, it gets better, especially if you can spend some time with emotionally healthy friends to "deprogram" from the poison!

@raindanse8466

2 жыл бұрын

Stay strong and focused. It will be over in time and you’ll have survived something many others could not. Your whole mindset has grown because of this and you’ll be sure to trust self far better before trusting in others.

Good morning from Olympia, Washington State USA!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Sherilyn! Dr. C

How a dyslexic truth warrior built a case against my narcissist : I did a deep dive on narcissists and called him out on every one of his evil tricks. He went away all butthurt and he never bothered me ever again.

The worst thing is how many people believe everything they say against you. So hard to believe your supposed friends are so quick to believe the worst about you with evidence to the contrary based on the word if a devious con artist.

"She's ungrateful".. I didn't ask him to cut my grass he wouldn't take no for an answer then when he started punishing me because I wouldn't take my bird feeders down and do what he wanted me to do with my yard I told him to get off my property... That makes me ungrateful. I didn't ask anything from this jerk next door all I said was good morning... I don't say good morning to any of my neighbors now lol

Thank you so much Dr. Carter. My soon to be ex-wife is a cemented covert narcissist, and a self avowed “data collector”. She has said that with glee as she has been surrounded by people who affirm that in her as a “gifted” way of learning or at the very least, unique. It has been a hellish 11 years for me though as my deepest fears, vulnerabilities and failures have been recorded in her mind devoid of empathy but complete with an agenda- exactly as you said; to showcase the worst in me and compel her audience to see her self designated victim status as justified. It seems she will always inject somewhere in the description of me some fake humanitarian effort in collecting that data, such as “I really did try and understand him and his condition, but he really has some deep -seeded dysfunctions that I can’t help him with, not sure anyone can”. It has gaslighted me into a horrible place that I’m coming out of where I have to defend fictitious assumptions about me before I can even state the truth about her. It has wrecked a marriage that I am beginning to understand was never real in the first place. Sorry for the novel, but thank you so much for giving validation to my mind that the true dysfunction is across from me, not within me. I take your videos as a tool to heal from within so I can address my misgivings and mistakes with compassion and empathy towards myself, not data that’s used as supply by a covert to justify martial crimes that she has gotten away with. Thanks again.

@michiganmymichigan

2 жыл бұрын

They always keep at least one scapegoat on hand. Sorry, hoping for healing for you.

@jacquelinerendell

2 жыл бұрын

I am sorry for your current discomfort. But I am several months into living by myself after ending my 10 year relationship in June. In short time, you will be breathing in fresh air.... and enjoying the peace that comes from no longer having to defend or explain yourself in exhausting conversations that never lead to resolution. I wish you the best on your healing path...:)

@Ilikeyoualot

2 жыл бұрын

My gracious you have described my relationship to a T. The confusion coming out of such a relationship is debilitating at times.

@Ilikeyoualot

2 жыл бұрын

My ex would always refer back to his journals where he had written everything. It was always “ you can see in my journals where you have done …”

@acustomer7216

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ilikeyoualot OMG an actual journal??!! My daughter & I say her dad keeps a little "Book of Injustices" because he brings up mess from the 1970s to complain about.

I'm finding that narcissists are more and more prevalent the further I go along in life.

My life has been trashed in a major way with the lies a narcissist friend has promoted. I've dropped him completely. I now think of him as a caustic Basil Fawlty

I am so comfortable knowing what narcs think of me is only their opinion. It's dillusion. Thank you Dr. C for this knowledge. Now I can be around them, without being phazed by their I'll mind set. I experience the world from my own perception, experiences and understanding. If I have to become distant from a narc, because she can not pick up on subtle clues, and because she only understands black and white I don't have to feel any guilt. I tried healthy communication before I went that way.

This is especially hard when they are older siblings. They start keeping a tally from when you were just a child.

@katalynbabe

2 жыл бұрын

Oh I was just in the court 🙄 with my jealous younger brother the otherday on Thanksgiving an open attack where he brought up everything from childhood n beyond & once he got 0 emotions or reactions from any of it he threatened to throw me down the stairs. Complete sidewinder By court I mean the court of delusional where he was the judge lawyer & jury lol

This is my mother, to a T. She's so fake, sugar sweet to everyone, but I've seen her call in her "favors" is such a sickeningly manipulative way. With me its a look of expectation for the emotional support and responses that she feels entitled to. She's always the victim of my feelings. So exploitative of others' genuine devotion and concern. There's always this undertone of, "Don't you dare!" She has even gone so far as to say that when someone says something stupid or damning, that she "puts it up on a shelf for later." She actually sees this data collecting as an admirable quality! She flaunts it as way to protect herself from predators, when in actuality, she is the predator. It's astounding.

I feel sorry for my friend. Her ex is unapproachable! Her personality is damaged when he babbles to her in their native language

I FEEL what you're about to speak on, this is exactly correct. They're always gathering evidence in case you start thinking for yourself. They love to go for "they were/are doing drugs" and then paint whatever you were doing as crazy and hateful and blame it on drugs. Then, if you ever came back to them, they would tell everyone they were helping you get better, you're getting "clean".

@MsYogiCat

2 жыл бұрын

Or they bait you over and over until you finally respond, then they step back down, tell you you're being too sensitive, and tell others you have anger problems or emotional problems, mental problems. Horribly manipulative from people who claim to love you. People that love you don't treat you like that.

@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS

2 жыл бұрын

@@MsYogiCat This is my experience exactly.. thank you

@hilaryjoseph9706

2 жыл бұрын

@@MsYogiCat exactly 💯😫

@grammamarth6681

2 жыл бұрын

Even though they are/have been the drug abuser, not you.

@MsYogiCat

2 жыл бұрын

@@grammamarth6681 oh yeah that's a common tactic - deny accuse reverse victim offender, darvo

Gus is my kind of friend..... he's so cute! It doesn't matter what the narcissist in my family does or says, those who know me know that she's only blowing smoke. I agree with you, good character is very important to sustain as the narcissist cannot achieve that quality. God bless.

The more you defend yourself, the less they will believe you!

Leave all these narcissistic evil people. That's your only hope of peace.