They demand blind loyalty from you while being the most disloyal "loved one" you can ever imagine.

@msjannd4

11 ай бұрын

Spot on!

@bereal6590

11 ай бұрын

100%, that started soon as I was born! Blind loyalty to the point I felt completely prostrated. Yet they have drained me of myself. It's their past that they never worked out and I became the convenient receiver of their issues

@caseydelachante2905

11 ай бұрын

Absolutely true!

@Angel_eyes___

10 ай бұрын

@@msjannd4yep, oh he wanted me to do very dangerous stuff that would have put me in prison. I refused. He used my kids against me. Saying he would take them from me. I left the dirty deeds for him. They are pure evil. Yep, they twist all the words, i shut down. I had to stay a certain weight

@madelinebigio7565

10 ай бұрын

Oh no 🙈 this is true.. 💯 facts

I learned how to lie and hide to protect myself from parental narcissism. As an authentic adult I hate hypocrisy and lying. I see that lying was self-preservation from harsh judgment.

@alicialockard5964

11 ай бұрын

I told everyone how great my parents were because I was embarrassed by the abuse and inaction of the other parent.

@ZeeJayEssJay

11 ай бұрын

@DeborahOlander @alicialockard5964 100% same here. Though I knew both parents were my abusers I covered and kept silent out of sheer embarrassment and shame-shame that was NOT mine. But they had no shame! They had everyone duped by their act that they were decent parents and people. When the total opposite was true mostly behind closed doors. But not always. Sometimes relatives and family friends witnessed it first hand and accepted it as “normal”. Physical (and other types of abuse) child abuse was even embraced as every1 e wanted to be “on the good side” of known abusers to selfishly protect themselves from any repercussions of speaking out or protecting us. These same enablers turned their backs on me when I went No Contact with my entire abusive family of origin. Acceptance and embracing of abuse IS ABUSE! So I went No Contact with pretty much everyone I ever knew. I don’t want any contact with a “cult/clan” of abuse loyalists.

@alicialockard5964

11 ай бұрын

@@ZeeJayEssJay I agree accepting and enabling abuse is abuse to children. My RN narc Mom told me she was an innocent bystander as opposed to a responsible parent. Eternal toddler and you can't yell at them or tell on them because then they tell everyone that they are now victims of a narcissist. Reverse play option.

@npa2468

11 ай бұрын

What makes it even worse for a empath kid with narc parents is from the outside looking in people think that your parent or parents are good and that the kid is fortunate when in reality the parents are selfish and criticizing and manipulative and always offering bad advice that they believe is good even though they are clearly degenerate people with no real relationships in life. They always front and put on a facade in public and to people who don't really know them. The sad thing is most of them are really sick and when they end up old and alone or completely self destruct they are victims to anyone they can get to listen to them.

@alicialockard5964

11 ай бұрын

@@npa2468 Everyone told me I was spoiled but my caregiver was a skitzo effective/sado masacist and I didn't have anything paid for clothing, food, college, car or inheritance after the age of 15. Once upon a time a couple things were paid for with the usual sigh that she had to spend anything on me instead of the Palm trees in the backyard.

I remember wise words here, along the lines of, “people pleasing is dishonest”. We are “trained” to fawn, follow orders and be quiet. We can’t share truth or how we REALLY feel. That is dishonest. Then one day we change things (in our own time when we are ready). That is a liberating day indeed! 🎉

@kimberlymccracken747

11 ай бұрын

Yes it is - let freedom ring 🔔

@amandaliverpool3374

11 ай бұрын

Indeed!

@alicialockard5964

11 ай бұрын

I was told, "How come you can't be more like your people-pleasing sibling?" I was told by parent that I was going to have a harder life because I was going to be chubby and my sister was going to be slim. I wasn't allowed to leave the dinner table without clearing an adult plus size portion right before bed.

@carefulcarpenter

11 ай бұрын

I was raised to be authentic, and to know that "narcissists in power" would not be interested in an individual that could not be controlled. I can think and motivate myself--- I don't need to be liked. Not everyone is going to like an authentic individual. Yet--- I was a popular kid. How you treat others says much about who you are. Kindness rocks!

@leslierobertson612

10 ай бұрын

So true. Intelligent speakers like Dr. Les Carter are helping me so much to move away from a lifetime of people pleasing (I'm age 60), getting on a path of discovering my genuine self, who DOES have boundaries! Yay!

I use to hate myself and feel guilty for keeping things from my parents or lying to them. Lying was something criminals, cheats and theives did. Then one day I had the sudden realisation that I didn't lie to the people I trusted. I didn't need to. Once I had that realisation, I started to think about why I didn't trust my parents. Oh boy, didn't that thought trigger a domino effect.

@bereal6590

11 ай бұрын

I get that feeling! One time as a kid my father had me stood in front of him screaming and balling in a threatening way to a 7 year old telling me I was lying. I wasn't, he had made a mistake and I had to prove the issue to make it stop. It was awful. They once let slip that I didn't trust them, I hadn't realised it myself. That emotional domino effect took me to hell and back! Every time I've been honest it's hell to pay

@happyday3368

10 ай бұрын

@Song - that is VERY insightful of you to realize that. I'm totally transparent with people I trust but then VERY discerning about what I divulge with people I don't.

If you've ever apologized to a narcissist for anything, especially things that were their fault, you will see the most gratified, almost drug like high, look on their face. As if to say "I'm glad that you realize how wrong you are." And once you start apologizing, it's an extremely hard habit to break.

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

Nickyeyes , Very True !

@littlebuzybodi

11 ай бұрын

Oh, it is isn't it.......

@gladiammgtow4092

11 ай бұрын

💯

@jennifermoore4246

10 ай бұрын

Wow, that is insightful. Thank you for helping me understand why some people do this as a habit.

@terimartinetti-zc5oi

10 ай бұрын

It’s empowering to the narc for you to apologize. From the very first time you say, “sorry,” you diminish yourself in the narc’s eyes. Then it’s a downward spiral from there.

Unfortunately, when you are discovered having been dishonest, you will NEVER, EVER, hear the end of it. It will be used as a stick to beat you whenever the opportunity arises for the narcissist, for years and years. Speaking from experience.

@prpudd4323

11 ай бұрын

Sad to say, that's my story too!!

@samanthawilliams5520

11 ай бұрын

Narcs lie all the time. Was the dishonesty habitual or a 1x event? I lied 1x in comparison to his near daily little to massive lies. My unrepeated offensive was never forgotten.

@warrenbradford2597

8 ай бұрын

I avoid being dishonest for the sake of it, especially being dishonest with myself. Narcissists in my life are just trying to turn me into a narcissist just like them.

One of the best tips I learned from DR C is to stop defending myself to narcs. With their crazy accusations it's easier said than done, but stick with it. It's absolute kryptonite to them! Thanks, Dr. C & Team Healthy! 💜

@joko09010

11 ай бұрын

💯🎯💪🏻

@Mehmet-rw9bu

11 ай бұрын

So true ❤️

@lauriediandrea715

11 ай бұрын

I stopped defending and covering for him as well..

@stephthecreative6312

11 ай бұрын

You actually begin to learn their patterns so that you’re able to prepare for the accusations and gaslighting coming your way.

@lauriediandrea715

11 ай бұрын

I clearly see the whole truth of this relationship and all the red flags I missed or justified. This abusive,toxic destructive relationship literally almost killed me. I now know the symptoms of the this kind of abuse. It lowers the immunity, i developed anxiety, depression, severe loneliness, PTSD & finally a drinking addiction.. i liken what happened as leaving a baby in the crib and never meeting it’s basic needs, and occasionally walking by and screaming at them. None of my needs have been nurtured or met. I was dying. I don’t think I would have had a drinking problem if I would have been in a healthy loving relationship. I am 16 months sober and I am finally taking my life back.. I want to find out who I am and what I was created to be. God Bless us all. 🙏🏻❤️😊

The word invalidate is derived from the same root as the word value, hence the narcissist needs to constantly remind you that you have no value to them.

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

I took Latin in HS and ever since have been tuned into its root words in English. It's a geeky habit, but I'm glad you have the same geeky way of looking at words!!

I'm grateful for understanding. I'm in a world that feels like no one can possibly understand.

@aaronkwolfe

11 ай бұрын

We on TH understand. Or we will try to. We are invested in your success.

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

Rooserroo , You are not alone . You are important.

@Captain-Cosmo

11 ай бұрын

Oh yes, we do! Separate from the narcissist if possible and do everything you can to NEVER tell a lie. Learn formal logic as a reliable methodology for percieving reality as accurately as possible. When you can bathe in the light of truth, it feels like warm sun on a cold day.

I am separated from a covert narcissist. Sometimes, the more I learn about narcissism, the more I see narcissistic tendencies in myself. I sooo do not want to be that way. Dr. C, you have not only helped me heal from the trauma of being married to a narcissist, but also helped me see the change and healing that I need for myself to become the person I want to be. Thank you for your wisdom and insight.

@mabelheinzle8758

10 ай бұрын

Me too .. perhaps we all have a little bit?

@chrissemenko628

10 ай бұрын

​@@mabelheinzle8758Everyone does. Work on the parts you don't like.

They won't let you be you. It's constantly being asked "why can't you be like this" or "why do you need to do that"?

@roxymovie3938

11 ай бұрын

Oh wow, I just heard these sentences over and over again yesterday together with rising tension, which ended in a temper tantrum. - I walked away, went ouside to get fresh air. It's so exhausting and humiliating 😪

@danielkaiser8971

11 ай бұрын

They need you to play the roles they have created in their imagination for you, and doing so will attempt to erase your sense of self.

@bereal6590

11 ай бұрын

@@danielkaiser8971 THAT!! that's exactly how I've been feeling a while now. My mother married my father with a picture in her head and I was born to fulfil that picture! They're elderly now and the guilt trips from my mother (she is sick of my father now, I was sick of him by 5 years old!!) about how other people's kids do x,y,z. Including one when an adult child rings their mother every day!! I'm really ill,my life is in the garbage and STILL she wants what she wants, what she thinks I should be doing as the 'good kid'. If she wasn't happy she should have left him and lived her own life. She doesn't even like me if she was honest. Everything comes to an end so in one way or another my life will change but sitting in a life of garbage and still having their demands is absolutely ridiculous! She didnt factor in me getting sick!

@danielkaiser8971

11 ай бұрын

@@bereal6590 I'm in a similar situation. My father passed away last year and my mother didn't shed a tear. My only function was to be born to trap him in an abusive 50-year marriage with her so he wouldn't divorce her. He wanted me to have certain things he left behind, but my mother gave everything to her children from previous marriages (my half-siblings are all over age 65), all only days after he passed when I was grieving and had no support from anyone. I suspect she was punishing me because I had been in "no contact" with her for 11 years while keeping contact with my dad. I was in back in contact with her for about a month because of my dad's passing. I asked her why she did it and she just claimed complete ignorance, "I don't know, I just don't know." Then she changed the subject. She hadn't changed, but I wasn't surprised. Then I went no contact again, and being she is 89 years old, it won't be long before my world is permanently a better place without her. EDIT: Regarding illness, I have been ill since childhood with multiple chronic illnesses, one of which is insulin-dependent diabetes for 40 years. I had to take care of myself and measure my own insulin doses and give my own shots when I was a kid because she didn't care, yet she told everyone how I was "no trouble to her at all".

@gladiammgtow4092

11 ай бұрын

Exact quotation of my Narc father.

I have no issues lying to my narcissistic mother to protect my own happiness. She is on a need to know basis.

@msjannd4

11 ай бұрын

👍😉

@sthomas4634

11 ай бұрын

It’s a matter of survival

@craigmerkey8518

11 ай бұрын

I can I identify! My sibling says she (mother) is on a need to know basis, and she dons't need to k ow anything!

@onnie.6815

11 ай бұрын

@@sthomas4634tbh you shouldn’t have to “survive” someone. It’s best to leave them alone

@Gemmarose9012

9 ай бұрын

@@onnie.6815When and if they reach that point, they will. It’s not right to “should” on people.

Having thought a great deal about dishonesty, I've concluded that most comes from fear of future punishment or ramifications or something, and lying is a way to avoid that. A narcissist will use that fear to their advantage, almost coercing a lie in order to brand their target as a liar. This is why grey rock works so well, in that we shift to silence rather than self-protection, for we know that trying to protect yourself any other way (against a narcissist) is futile. Protesting becomes protesting too much, methinks.

@amandaliverpool3374

11 ай бұрын

True.If we are seen to be defensive, it looks like we're the ones on the attack!

@mrsqueakthecat.8061

11 ай бұрын

I grew up in that world. The more honest I was the worse I got treated but if I lied my ass off so hard it was obvious was lying I got rewarded. It made no sense but it was the only way to survive growing up. It never felt right or good but it was the only way to have any life whatsoever.

@heylookits

11 ай бұрын

I am honest to a fault. Almost like I "can't lie", it bites me in the ass EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

@ASMRyouVEGANyet

11 ай бұрын

Narcs are dishonest to get their way

@samanthawilliams5520

11 ай бұрын

I’m sensitive to this rationale of lying to avoid a reaction. Narc said that to me all the time. On discovery it’s partially true bc they’re lying about things a person should negatively react to: other women within the relationship, failing to keep an agreement that resulted as conflict resolution, or just doing something harmful to “us”

Yes, another revelation for me… this behavior describes my whole damn life…

I've had my honesty ridiculed as naive or impractical. Honesty is an affective pathway to truth and clarity

@merryanneadair4451

11 ай бұрын

My ex used to say I was "too stupid to be anything but completely honest"; as if intelligent people are all deceptive. How sad!!!

@phyllisjunemillerjohnson15

11 ай бұрын

@@merryanneadair4451 I feel your sorrow

@merryanneadair4451

11 ай бұрын

@@phyllisjunemillerjohnson15 as I feel yours!! Prayers for you! If we do not have honesty & integrity, we have nothing!

@phyllisjunemillerjohnson15

11 ай бұрын

@@merryanneadair4451 agreed!

@skinnyway

11 ай бұрын

they ridicule you because they are mentally weak and lazy and they know it. its all jealousy and fear - they are terrified of an honest person. and jealous that they cant stop lying.

I feel dishonest every time I say "fine" when asked by friends "how are you?"

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

Living with a narc can definitely put you in that bind!

They laugh at you when you tell the truth. You might stop, which equals “dishonesty” (not being open). Thats a big one. Just remember who they are and who we are. Consider the source.

@yukio_saito

11 ай бұрын

I learned that I have to carefully choose whom to tell the truth. They and their enablers don't want to face the truth. Denial is one of their key dynamics.

@roxymovie3938

11 ай бұрын

My experience with them is a bit different: when you tell the truth, they get furious and when they hooked you or when you please them, they laugh.

@roxymovie3938

11 ай бұрын

@@yukio_saito Very wise of you, Yukio 🙏

@yukio_saito

11 ай бұрын

☺@@roxymovie3938

@tbunnyshy1

11 ай бұрын

@@roxymovie3938 That too. Its a mix.

Give to honest honesty and to narcissists what they are worthy of.

@cherobinson6371

11 ай бұрын

Give Narcissistic nothing. No words they are worth Zero our energy

@skinnyway

11 ай бұрын

amen

@danielkaiser8971

11 ай бұрын

It's not so much what one gives to a narcissist as what one does for themselves to maintain their own physical/mental/spiritual health. Hopefully one is able to get away from the narcissist.

This video is so fitting. I have found myself answering "nothing much " and "whole lot of everything and bunch of nothing" when how I am doing or do I have something on my mind. When I respond like this I am trying to avoid retaliation, judgement, word salad and just an exhausting toxic exchange.

@deb2319

10 ай бұрын

Go Silent! Get them far away from you. Find your soul tribe and just enjoy your life doing fun actitivities🎉

When you don’t have honesty in love then there is no communication. Honesty is improvisation of the heart; anything less is a well thought out and rehearsed script. (Shannon L. Alder)

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

Well stated, Roxy!

@amandaliverpool3374

11 ай бұрын

Which just rolls off the tongue with no real meaning! 💓✨️

@roxymovie3938

11 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks, Dr Carter! This is a quote from Shannon Alder, which I find quite valueable and on point.

@roxymovie3938

11 ай бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 Thanks, Amanda 💗

@markschnabel5707

11 ай бұрын

Very good observation.

They don’t want the truth. They want what they can use against you. Or they are inconsolable unless you tell them what they want to hear. I once said I helped our son with homework, but not exactly under the criteria demanded by the narcissist. I had “liar” accusation thrown at me for years. It became a part of the lengthy “Aaron’s list of wrongs.”

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

aaronkwolfe ,I am sorry for your suffering .You are the cream that rises to the top.

@aaronkwolfe

11 ай бұрын

@@Greenawareness188 Haha. Aww, thx. My hope is to see the others here get creamed. Wait, that isn’t what I mean. To see others rise to the top. Yeah. That’s it.

@kariroderick2856

11 ай бұрын

I can relate. My husband is one and my 3 kids suffered with his abuse too with their homework

@southerngrits

11 ай бұрын

This is my story in many ways . My dad told me one day . I was talking about someone I met in school today . He goes you need to do that .I am like do what dad . Go back to school I am like what are you saying . Go back and get it right this time . Like I dumb oh he is so hateful .

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

@@southerngrits , You are smart . You have true grit . Start listening to your own heart. I believe in you .

Truly just shut down 🤦‍♀️ so sad that I had to betray myself & hide my real feelings 👩 I hate fakes… but it’s what happens when you cannot be yourself

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

Carolminke6116 , You are worthy to be loved .

My narc mum is the only person in this world I lie to on purpose, just to protect myself from her jugdmentality.

I've said this before. My three year old son had to learn to manipulate his situation to deal with the narcissist. He lied because he had to. I tried to explain that to the narcissist and well, you can guess how that went over. I wasn't myself more than 24 hours of my entire relationship with him and we have three kids. I am so glad to be on my own now, finding myself and figuring out who we really are.

i wish I had Dr C as my therapist when I went through the narcissistic loopholes in my life. I pretty much had to figure it out without professional help because nobody understood their game

@jackilynpyzocha662

4 ай бұрын

My dad is a narcissistic asshole!

They will hold every mistake over your head for decades. So you avoid having them find out anything negative about you at all costs!

@cherobinson6371

11 ай бұрын

Yes never tell strangers your rebuilding your life not until your 110% certain that strangers aren’t Narcissistic. They love kicking people(who fell in life) back down. They really really attack vulnerables

@Jess-kn8vl

11 ай бұрын

@cherobinson6371 Absolutely. You are harmed by a narcissist in any relationship and when you try to move forward and are vulnerable, you can be an easy target for more. I had this even happen in therapy where I was invalidated and had my experiences rationalized and minimized. What a cruddy situation to be in. Narcissists cause so much destruction that continue to ripple in a person's life. I felt like healthy people dont understand it, well because they obviously havent had to deal with a narcissist yet!

Because that's the language they speak

I been asked "How are you?" I've had to say "I'm ok, " when I am not to keep the peace.Then when the narc in your life finds out that you are not ok, you're accused of being a liar/martyr. Basically, they hate to be done out of what is THEIR job!!!

@tbunnyshy1

11 ай бұрын

Exactly! 🎯 Sometimes they need us to need them, but they hate when we need anything. Chaos!

@amandaliverpool3374

11 ай бұрын

​@@tbunnyshy1True. They don't like being discommoded!

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

amandaliverpool3374 , that just Grey rocking to me . After awhile you just lose your willingness to engage narcissists games.

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

​@@tbunnyshy1 , thanks for sharing that . I value you .

After 35 years of being criticized by my narcissistic mother-in-law and not saying anything (I just took it) I was *finally* honest with her -- wow what a mistake! Last year, she called me out of the blue to talk about a trip we were planning. And sure as rain, here comes her criticism and put-downs. She always found something wrong -- something to correct. So I decided to finally confront her criticism and simply said ..."I'm tired of you criticizing me" and I didn't raise my voice or sound angry. I was very matter of fact. Oh my, she pretended to be shocked, hurt and completely bewildered and said "what are you talking about?" and immediately went into victim mode. She sounded so hurt and then asked what she said that was "critical", like how could I say that to her. She was probably stunned because this was the first time I ever confronted her on this. So I had to repeat her exact words that were critical, and that's when she told me I was "too sensitive", but I wasn't being too sensitive. She was clearly criticizing me. She even laughed while saying "well I guess I need to speak more carefully to you lol!" ...then proceeded to say other insulting things to me. That was the day I decided I had had enough of her nonsense and told my husband that I will never speak to his mother again. I was done. I realized that she had no intention of ever changing, so I decided that I had to change and I blocked her number. Best decision of my life.

@usernameisunavailable8270

11 ай бұрын

These people literally don't know the word "invalidating".

@amymoorehead7185

11 ай бұрын

At least it was HIS mother, not yours. You made a good choice. I had to do the same thing with my own mother.

@LinYouToo

11 ай бұрын

It’s amazing to me just how common this pattern is. You criticize them and they blame shift to you and then tell you how sensitive you are. Some even will tell you “ I can’t say anything around you.” my own mother is like this. Finally I responded one Day by saying “ sounds like you don’t have anything pleasant to talk about today?” I said it very calmly as if I was asking a question. She was dumbfounded.

@cyndim8785

11 ай бұрын

Gray rocking my narcissistic MIL worked to my advantage. She has flat out told people that she can’t stand me. I married her narcissistic son 36 years ago, 40 years together. Long story short , she needs assistance on a daily basis at her home. She doesn’t want to go to a nursing home. I have two extra bedrooms in my house that could’ve been hers. Since she hates me so much my husband hasn’t even asked if she could move in with us then I could be her caregiver. Best of Luck to you.

@supplynomore6471

11 ай бұрын

it is a sick competition that they would prolong indefinitely if they could. They need a partner in their ONE-UP game.

Making smaller issues into what they are not. Absolutely, Dr. C! ✔️

If you had to hide yourself from a parent in childhood, can the instinct to hide be so ingrained that you can’t show yourself to anyone else? And by “you” I mean me. I’m talking about me. Lol

@spacegirl226

11 ай бұрын

Absolutely. If you hide from your PARENTS to be safe, it's a pretty good indicator that you'll hide from anyone else to be safe too. If your PARENTS weren't safe and didn't care for you, parents and family being the base relationship where you take all your cues and do your modeling, you'll more than likely assume that everyone else acts the same way they do, and you'll tell yourself it's YOUR fault. You weren't taught anything different.

@danielkaiser8971

11 ай бұрын

To this day, the "no contact" I have with my 89 year old mother must be extended to all relatives, since my mother has trained them all to report everything anyone says or does or experiences to her directly. My circle of friends are my "chosen family" as my mother does not know they exist and they wouldn't tell her anything about me. I've found I "need" good friends to share life with, but only ones who are completely separate from my family of origin and relatives. So in my case, the "hiding" is a deliberate act with toxic people, but after being out of the toxic environment I healed enough not to hide from potentially good people so that I could have friends and get to know them over time.

@gracebechlem5575

11 ай бұрын

@@danielkaiser8971 This is a great comment, thank you.

Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction. (Criss Jami)

@aaronkwolfe

11 ай бұрын

I was “trained” into plausible deniability. Glad that’s over. Vulnerability can be risky, but worth it when it pays off.

@amandaliverpool3374

11 ай бұрын

It's the same with half truths!

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

Roxymovie3938 , Thank you for the comment . Deceptions in any form gaslight you .I appreciate your hard-won wisdom.

@roxymovie3938

11 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe Yeah, Aaron, vulnerability can be quite risky, specially when you are too naive.

@roxymovie3938

11 ай бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 Yes, Amanda, I think half truth can even be worse for it can confuse even more 😏

I could never to honest and ppl hate honest ppl more than they hate liars

@tbunnyshy1

11 ай бұрын

🎯

@aaronkwolfe

11 ай бұрын

Honest people are DANGEROUS - if you have something to hide.

@tbunnyshy1

11 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe🎯🎯

@user-tw2nr2ce7s

11 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe can't refute that

I've always said that I'm a better man when I'm not around narcissists, especially from my family of origin.

How do you get a Narccy off the Phone??,,,,Ez,,,,,start talking about yourself !!,,,, Works every time.

I grew up in a narcissistic family. Both my parents and my brother are Cluster Bs. We were very active in our church, and my parents were good Christian pillars of the community. To the public, of course. Behind closed doors they were monsters. Keeping up appearances was the most important thing for my mother. After all, they had "ministries." My mother was always doing damage control for my father and his big, tactless mouth. My brother was doing some pretty terrible stuff that was damaging to their illusion. Everything got swept under the rug, including me. Excuses were made. Lies were told. The image must be upheld at all costs! In all of this, I learned that I was neither allowed to lie nor to tell the truth. But we were "Christians" who were supposed to do better and be better, but the truth was such anathema in my family. It was brainbendingly confusing. Still is. The lies have never stopped, and bigger and larger space is needed to keep telling them. This has gone on for decades. They can't stop. They can't tell the truth now. If they do, their world would shatter, and they couldn't handle the consequences of what they did. To this day, in my adulthood, I cannot tolerate lies or liars, and I will not be made to lie now to cover up anyone's deluded beliefs. It makes my skin crawl to be dishonest. All I have is my integrity, and every day is a struggle to maintain it when I'm surrounded by liars who have little integrity themselves. Sometimes I feel like Jim Carrey in that movie "Liar Liar" where I have to be pathologically truthful to combat all the lies. Telling the truth hasn't made me many friends either. This is a narcissistic societal problem as well. As a recovering codependent, I can't worry about what society thinks. I have to worry about me and I really, really have trouble with that. Thanks, Dr. C. Very enlightening video. My 'family' does all of these things.

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

spacegirl226 , You deserved a better family .Glad to see you in the healing process. God loves you now in all your imperfection perfectly .

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

Make sure you see the video, How Religious Narcissists Will Gaslight You.

@spacegirl226

11 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, sir. I have it in my Watch Later queue. Thank you!

I once overheard my ex-narc telling a friend of his that you had to "train" your women a certain way. I'm pretty sure he meant the subservient way. I've had to be dishonest with the narc a time or two. He sometimes has difficulty grasping truth.

@cherobinson6371

11 ай бұрын

I’ve heard Narcissistic often Use the Term Train. They are very aware of what they are doing and even share strategies with other Narcs overheard them plotting and it’s really makes one realize how Demonic they are.

@aaronkwolfe

11 ай бұрын

I threw up a little, in my mouth, at the thought of “training your woman.”

@Hatbox948

11 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe The sad thing is he really means it.

@aaronkwolfe

11 ай бұрын

@@Hatbox948 I kinda expected he meant it. That’s why I choked. That kind of behavior makes me sick, knowing what it costs.

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

Hatbox948 , In the South we are groomed to be submissive wives . I feel your pain. Be the woman you truly are. You matter .

Everything I EVER said in confidence has recently been weaponized against me. I so wish I hadn't told them half of what I did.

Looks like Gus is rejecting the blanket?🤫😉We luv you Gus!☺️

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

Sometimes he hits the mark, sometime he doesn't.

My therapist recommended being secretive, recommended lying by omission, and told me, "All is fair in love and war!"

@Nickyeyes

11 ай бұрын

@4freethinking My God, there are so many bad therapists out there who are either mentally ill-equipped for the job at hand, or simply do not care. I hope that you've eventually found a good one. I wish you the best, my friend.

@ezrc9294

11 ай бұрын

bad therapist

I didn't even tell my mother I had breast cancer last year. (I live in a different country to her, thank goodness, which made it easier to hide.) The thought of her finding out was more stressful to me than both the illness itself and the treatment.

Wow, this gave me some *great* awareness about what I dealt with from my late mother-in-law and 5 sisters-in-law!! I put up with their narcissistic abuse for over 35 years. Now that my mil is gone and I'm no contact with my sisters-in-law, I'm able to start healing from all the crazy-making abuse. I lost a part of myself dealing with their need to control & criticize me for so many years -- very toxic. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel :)

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

Glad the lightbulbs are turning on!

Being a dishonest person means you being dishonest to everone and in every situation , being dishonest to a narc is protecting yourself within that certain relationship ,that doesn't make you a dishonest person .

I grew up in that world. The more honest I was the worse I got treated but if I lied my ass off so hard it was obvious was lying I got rewarded. It made no sense but it was the only way to survive growing up without being grounded from everything year round for nothing real that justified it.

@cherobinson6371

11 ай бұрын

It’s scary growing up around a Narcissistic Family. They actually will call u the Stupid One of your Honest and don’t do what they do. I stayed silent as I could I tried hard to stay outside all day ot was the 1970’s and 80’s so kids were still playing outside at parks etc I was sun up til sundown and jad a morning paper route (5-7am) and a after school paper route 330-5. 6 days a week o dod the paper delivery alone on my bike. I was free from them and able to support myself by age 10 with the paper routes. I mean I literally had too! School supplies,clothes,Goid for my dog,my bike,movies etc 100% self supporting by age 10 that’s how insane the Narcissistic I was being raised by were…

Don’t play their game! So true but so difficult some times!

After having been raised by two narcissists and later marrying one (now divorced from her), I share almost nothing with anyone anymore. I don't lie about it, I am just very blunt. My standard response to any question is, "Why do you want to know?" If they keep pushing (most don't), I follow with, "That's none of your business." My ex would browbeat and badger me to tell her about every single detail of every conversation I had with anyone ... then, of course, condemn me for handling it wrong. She was so aggressive, nasty and relentless that she could get almost anyone to confess to anything they had not done. Narcissists aren't even human beings. They are reptilian vermin.

Lying/omission to prevent the inevitable rage and punishment. Not even on big or important things but things that incurred a lava flow that has burned you to the bone. THEN….when you are found out,possibly, you are forever labeled as a liar and morally corrupt. Thank goodness I’m out almost a year now but I’m recovering from 34 years married to a N and 20 years from a N mother.

Every thing you say can be used as a weapon. Don't tell them any thing.

Sadly, i was convinced to "pretend" i was going somewhere else, but was in reality meeting the narc. I hated the dishonesty! I told narc later that night, " Don't ever ask me to do that again!" I'm not a liar, I'm honest and authentic. My letting this narc talk me into this betrayal is only one boundary i allowed the narc to "convince" me to ignore and cross. Makes me so angry, sad, and ashamed of myself. 😢 I finally woke up and realized the lies, manipulation, and the gas lighting after 18 months of allowing the narcs toxic, poisonous brain fumes to nearly take me out. I left as soon as i was able after waking up. I lost too many people who I considered to be in my inner circle of friends due to this dishonest, toxic, lying narc. 😢

I confronted my Dad in front of my family . After my dad made a remark . I live with them and he said looking to hope to get her out . Now I am disabled need 4 surgeries in mine . This is how I confronted him . ( Oh no I said you're gonna put me in the street . He said I never said that . I yes you did dad . You told me if it was not for mom I would be sleeping in the street . Tell the truth . Then he has to get the last word . You are still here . I know he retaliates in his narcissistic way in a narcissist way . I have told him I am looking . I don't have a job waiting on disability and have no other choice but to live here . I need help on how to handle him . I am his target

Oh, wow... I was a liar when I was with her... I thought it was immaturity on my part, and that I had matured in the years afterward. It never occurred to me that she might have actually been intentionally pushing me into that dishonesty...

@danielkaiser8971

11 ай бұрын

It's amazing how many harmful traits we take on when we are in a situation of chronic toxicity. Then they fade away when we get out of that toxic environment where healing is possible.

Let us not confuse the zero contact we should adopt towards dangerous people with the punishing silence they apply to their prey. Two entirely different attitudes, not at all related between one another.

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

Agatadelaparra1789 , thanks for the reminder . I needed to see that.

@gladiammgtow4092

11 ай бұрын

Indeed - no contact is deciding not to pour fuel on a house fire.

I reacted to the double standards, gaslighting, slander and favouritism by clinging to honesty more, and trying to persuade my mother to be honest and fair. I tried desperately over time to resolve conflict with open honesty about myself, appealing to her to do likewise. My honesty was used against me of course and despised, and I feared her, seeing the harm, but still appealed to truth. Safe vs unsafe behaviour was a revelation to me in my fifties. I just didn't suspect she was harming me on purpose; didn't know about psychological and emotional abuse. But I have been appalled at the dishonesty of the flying monkeys! Seeing two of my children growing in dishonesty and secretiveness in their support of Granny was heartbreaking. And my mother wrote a book of lies about her life, visciously slandering others, which horrified me and added to the trauma. Wish I'd learned to keep quiet. My pathology, I suppose, trying to help her? From childhood, I've always been a bit gullible, inclined to trust everyone, get confused when teased. My discernment has been fuzzy. I practised blind loyalty to my diabolical mother to my detriment.

@Greenawareness188

11 ай бұрын

Michellepascoe6068 , Being a decent human being is not a crime. Dr .Carter can teach you how to be safer. Let other people prove to you their trustworthiness.

@keithstewart7514

10 ай бұрын

My mother & all others see her as a Christian. One year ago & since I see my dearly evil mother as a Sadistically Catholic "NOT'her"!

@michelepascoe6068

10 ай бұрын

@@Greenawareness188 thank you. Yes :)

@michelepascoe6068

10 ай бұрын

@@keithstewart7514 as Dr C says, take note of what they do and make adjustments accordingly. We can't change them but we can work on our own healing.

😲My parent checks off on for every example he gave as if he was a fly🪰 on the wall the whole time.

Lately, I've noticed that my N parent seems to be working hard to force cheer. I'll tell her about something painful that happened to me and she will actually laugh. Or, yesterday, I pointed out that part of the roof of her house is actually collapsing and she literally laughed and shrugged. I don't know what this laughter means but it feels sinister, like she's just trying to diminish the situation. like how dare I care so much. Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I didn't care!

@leannimalcrackers

11 ай бұрын

Yes, she's invalidating you and seems to be trying to push your buttons. Try to grey rock and emotionally detach. Don't share your painful experiences with her because it's like blood in the ocean to a hungry shark.

@Wanda711

11 ай бұрын

@@leannimalcrackers I think you're right. It sounds like she's trying to lure her victim into pleading with her. My aunt used to do this: really scary things were happening, like she was suddenly collapsing on the sidewalk for no reason (mini-strokes, we figured out later) and she'd just put on this carefree act and say "Oh well!" Meanwhile, I'd be freaking out, and telling her she HAD to go to her doctor and get this looked into. It never worked.

@angellacanfora

11 ай бұрын

@@leannimalcrackers I try hard to keep personal stuff to myself but I'm disabled, autistic & live with her, so it's kind of hard!

@angellacanfora

11 ай бұрын

@@Wanda711 Wow, that's extreme. It's creepy, isn't it? It's like my Nparent looks down on me for caring about incredibly normal stuff. So bizarre.

@leannimalcrackers

11 ай бұрын

@@Wanda711 very strange behavior! It's attention seeking and like a compulsion to be contradictory, as if to say your reaction and you are 'wrong' (invalidation). You can't win either way!

A coworker at my jobb is a narcisist of the highest order, the worst I have ever met during 35 years at various workplaces. About every second of your vids is a spot on description of this demon, it’s almost a little spooky how you describe his personality step-by-step.

@user-vt9kd4no8j

11 ай бұрын

Right?!

@billbertrand7751

11 ай бұрын

With you i two Cowboyed for yeas meet lots of them Cowboss that are very NARCISSIST . I cam from a family Ranch had lots of know how but wow what a educational experience with NARCISSIST people

I cannot stop crying. It hurts physically also and I have nausea. I am watching these movies 3 weeks and now it is really sinking in. I am sick of emotions.

the narcissist I've lived with for many years has used this tactics against me I over and over again I learned to shut it down cut the cord on this person as needed, its not a healthy relationship most of the time but at least it hasn't got worse,

Whoa I just had a trusted person lie to me and not even seem too concerned about it. A trusted person whom I believe to be under the influence of a narcissist, I mean. Great topic!

@mrsqueakthecat.8061

11 ай бұрын

Welcome to my world. I've been dealing with finding out that my whole life I built was built around family lies designed to screw me over whenever they felt like it.

When my older sister and I lived together, I was in school. Anytime I had an exam or needed to study, she would have a rage fit randomly on important days. So, I decided to study out of the house and lied about my exam dates. This was self preservation. Thanks Dr. C, you hit all the highlights of her abuse. I am no contact now. Best decision of my life.

"Untrustworthy with your confidentialities" - so completely spot-on. The executor of our wills (my late husband's nephew) passed on extremely private information to a very toxic family which caused complete melt-down. Turned out to be a blessing as it enabled me to see who they really were after nearly 50 years of what I now know to be 'data gathering' which I had mistaken for friendship. Been no contact for almost 4 years now which has led to a more contented life. Be careful who you trust, especially your in-laws. Thank you for your insight Dr. C. Namaste.

Hey Dr 👋 the last time my husband started hollering and griping at me for no reason other than being a control freak because he said I didn’t do something right. I told him to quit bullying me and I said you know what, in every bully there’s a little coward hiding inside! He gave me a strange look and said nothing, he walked away and has been a little nicer for over a week. I wake up every day walking on eggshells thinking what the hell will set him off next ! I lived in a trailer years ago and every time he starts something with me and I stand up for myself he starts calling me trailer trash . I assure everyone that I’m not ! Well guess what he also lived in a trailer years ago 😂. I’m just not one to cower in the corner and take his BS ! …… thanks Dr for your help and hard work! Blessings

@penny2542

5 ай бұрын

This put a smile on my face. I understand how they can have the lowest blows of insults out of nowhere

@Everyday-1921

5 ай бұрын

@@penny2542 thank you and surprisingly after I said that to him , he is a changed person! So much nicer now . I knew there was a nice person hiding inside and after putting up with the BS for over 20 years, it’s about time. Maybe I broke him lol 😂. You have a blessed day and hopefully you are not dealing with a narcissist.

Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!

Geez. "ALL of the above." I'm some ways into my self-decided unpaid vacation, still enjoying myself, but watching this video started to get me REALLY annoyed. I could go on for an hour relating every point Dr. Carter made. MAN, am I glad I'm not working for those 2 deranged lunatics anymore. It all started 6 months in. The younger guy was "contrary on auto-pilot" all that time, I thought I was getting along with the older guy (the one in charge) better. UNTIL... he kept badgering me for info about my car, which was causing me a lot of grief. I didn't want to talk about it. He wouldn't let up. I finally said, "It's NONE of your business." THAT's when he exploded-- for a solid HALF-HOUR, throwing at me every single thing I have said or done over the previous 6 months. It's obvious he'd spent that entire time "gathering data" to use against me. Looking back, that home care assignment should have ENDED that day... not more than 3-1/2 years LATER. After, the younger guy tried to lecture me, insisting "You're an open book"-- meaning, in his eyes, I'm NOT ALLOWED not to be, when I so choose. I got very choosy after that moment with what I would share with those guys. I think the single most annoying moment in the last 5 months was after I'd gone out in the hall to chat with the guy's physical therapist. It was her last day, and I wanted to say goodbye. I've met such wonderful people working in healthcare lately, and I'm really enjoying interacting with them in a casual, friendly way. I almost never got along with others this way when I used to work in drafting! When I got back in, BOTH my clients went into "full attack" mode, DEMANDING to know what I was talking to her about, saying, "Anything you need to say you can say in front of us", and so on. It went on and on, and what pissed them off even more than their sheer obvious PARANOIA was me LAUGHING in their faces about it. Imagine, they were afraid I was trying to find something out about them behind their backs... when I spent more time with them than the therapists did! (Or maybe the truth was, they didn't want me TELLING others what I knew... heh.) This wasn't the first time. I'd gotten friendly with the receptionist of the older guy's chiropractor. If she had free time, we'd talk. If she was busy, we wouldn't. If she was chatting away long-windedly with someone else, I'd just sit there and wait my turn if it came up. But later, I was told by the younger guy (who clearly had been TOLD by the older guy) that it had "gotten back to them" that I was interfering with the woman's doing her job. A BLATENT, OBVIOUS LIE. The older guy just DID NOT want me talking to anyone who knew him. I was told, "You're NOT there to socilize!" I began "socializing" less and less-- WITH MY CLIENTS-- when I was on the job. It became clear, the less I talked, the better. Which goes completely against the grain of why I'm doing this job in the first place.

This is SO true! I spent years "covering up" my real ideas in front of my narc sister, including my religious faith. It feels terrible, as I feel as if I'm implicitly acting as if I'm ashamed of what I believe. But this duplicity extended to all sorts of things, even trivial ones. She was always ordering me to watch noir films and superhero movies, because she loved them. I just never liked them, but I felt I couldn't come out and say so, so I'd watch them and try to find good points I could talk about. She even explicitly said she'd convert me to enjoying noir films, and I secretly knew that that would never happen, but I was too cowed to say it. Now I wonder if I was partly to blame for our dysfunctional relationship; maybe I succeeded in fooling her into thinking that I thought more along her lines than I did. Perhaps she thought that her campaign to reform me had worked, so when I finally put my foot down and said no, it might have been a genuine shock. I don't know; I suspect that if I'd been more honest, the breakup would have just come a lot sooner.

So True Dr. C. For a longtime I did not tell him the truth. Mainly because it would just upset the whole Apple cart. But as time went by I got tired and so disgusted with not being myself and I stood up. Of course I was met with anger, after it was over I realized that I had not just stood up for myself but had set a boundary for myself. They don't like Truth and they can't tell the Truth to save their lives. Who would want to live the way they do.....not me. Angry, miserable walking empty corps!

Describes exactly interactions I've had with some people who were in my life before I understood narcissism. Especially my old boss. The reason I never told him when I made a mistake was because he would blow things out of proportion which I think is called walking on eggshells. Understanding narcissism takes the burden off you and lets you focus on healing.

I would consider myself an honest and open person. During my marriage I became dishonest just to help my survive. It never did sit right with me. Now that I am free of this relationship, I'm back being me, open and honest and feel so much happier within myself ❤

All very true, you're 'acting' a part to avoid the strife, or some of it as they still getcha regardless. It's painful to have to pretend around people who are supposed to care about you. Hurtful you cannot be authentic and let your guard down. My whole fam is riddled with this dynamic. They set it up where honesty isn't the best policy, hilarious in a black comedy way beacuse all we want to be is to be honest and ourselves!! My father has a 'thing' about liars and would try to catch me out. All he did was train me to keep my mouth shut!

I've realized recently, these people put a huge amount of effort and energy into torturing themselves. The toxic person will always find themselves lonely in the end.

Oh, this is good stuff. My former lady friend tried to get me to forge one of her employees, who didn't attend mandated OSHA training, and then got injured. I refused, got called a worthless coward who needed to grow a pair. I can't believe I let this toxicity continue for two years. I tell ya, when you've been in a relationship with a Narcissist, you develop radar. I've developed a very low tolerance for BS. Looking back on my life I can see that there were others in my life that fit into the mold. Save yourself. Leave, don't look back. Expect attempts at abuse after you leave. Don't fall into their trap.

I dislike the categorization of keeping secrets and not disclosing things that will be used against as dishonest. It’s just self protection!

Thank you. Surprised at the number of tactics...till I remember how often I felt like the ground kept shifting under my feet during arguments with the narcissist in my life.

You describe my family perfectly - it almost seems like you personally know my narcissistic family! Thanks for another great video, Dr C.

@kf4722

11 ай бұрын

Ditto!

Wow this is so true, and thank you Dr C for your continued excellent guidance. These people do cause this and will literally have everyone eating out of their hand. Absolutely frightening

Omg this is for me! I have been a compulsive liar for years

Taking you and everything you have been doing for them for granted is: emotional abuse.

The narcissist forces their victims to become more rational and logical perhaps as a survival technique. This quality comes in very handy because the narcissist engages in personal attacks in order to ensure control and reacting logically and reasonably resonates positively with those who understand the resulting trauma which is the first step to healing.

What it comes down to is narcissists are afraid of intimacy. They don't want anyone to know who they really are because their self-image is so damaged and low. Their behavior keeps people distant emotionally and/or physically. Take both routes and just get the hell away from them. They don't have the strength to look inside and heal which causes them great shame and frustration and they will take you down with them if you let them.

I used to be a narcissist magnet. Now that I've had so much experience with them, I can spot them a mile away. Red flag warnings are everywhere 😊. Bye-bye Narcy.

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

Glad you're figuring it out!!

Dr. C, I don't tell my narc. elderly Mom anything personal about myself. I stopped about 35 years ago. She shows no empathy, and she pins me against my siblings. She is truly a pathetic and unhealthy woman. It has been painful. I wish I would of moved out of state and left the area. That is one of my biggest regrets. She also is a religious covert, so she likes to judge everyone...but she has no love in her heart. The biggest challenge of my human life. Eileen

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this, Eileen. Keep learning. I hope you've seen the video, How Religious Narcissists Will Gaslight You.

@joshua255860

11 ай бұрын

I have and she does!!@@SurvivingNarcissism

I swear my ex girlfriend took over my furniture project! I had a total idea how I wanted my living room to look! After sharing with her how I wanted my living to look! She went to the furniture store and bought some furniture that I didn’t even look at it! So I had to pay for some furniture I didn’t even want! I’m still angered by that I really want to throw the furniture away regardless of how nice the furniture is! Another Narcissist in my life always try to discredit my morals and integrity! I am a thinker a deep thinker. She is not she is very reactionary and scary! And she always tell me “don’t think about it just do it” I told her yesterday “ look here just because you don’t think , don’t try not to make me think”

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

Be true to who you are. And if the narcissist can’t handle it, move on.

By example.

As hard as it is to admit, it’s so true. I hardly recognize myself sometimes.

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

That's the point...learn to honor yourself.

Dr. C you are such a fountain of knowledge about these narcissists. You have helped me immensely in my torment with my mother and sister. I finally gained enough information from your channel to walk away from them altogether. My blood pressure has gone down and I sleep better with a feeling of peace minus their chaos and drama. I’m only sad that it took me 51 years to walk away. However, I like the new me instead of the scape goat whipping post I once was. Thank you

this is how you lose yourself

6:54: nailed it. As we know, those who believe themselves ‘dominant’ are also incredibly insecure.

I remember lying to my dad, telling him I had no homework, because he stood over me every night with a wooden spoon. I failed that year in school.

This guy is always hitting the nail right and explains it without judging. He is not even judging the narcissist! So nice!

@SurvivingNarcissism

11 ай бұрын

I'm pleased that's how you see it.

@Muroabdje

11 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism i do try to not judge my ex-girlfriend-narcissist, cause i see it as a kind of an illness, a disorder! I feel really sorry for her and whatever to her happened to be like that cause i sometimes see glimpse of normal loving behavior amd see her happy about someone else's happiness and normal love and sympathy coming from her and i think her switching to narcissist mode is some kind of self protection. She has diagnosed anxiety disorder and i do believe that narcissistic behavior is a kind of schizophrenia triggered by some fear...

A narcissist is like a machine, and a broken one at that. And is the opposite of what most people expect people should be like---good, ethical, empathetic, honest, trustworthy etc. And genuinely, not acting.

How fragile organic life really is! At any moment our body/ 1:14 machine is only a hair’s-breadth away from death. From the first moment of conception, we live on borrowed time. How dangerous is coming across these predators.

The main, most hurtful one is to use the fears and weaknesses you shared with them against you. Basically, by confiding in them you're just giving them the perfect target for when they want you depressed and submissive.

The narcissists in my life are training me to be dishonest just like them, so I will a be narcissist myself. I need to catch myself being dishonest, in order for me to be more honest myself.

He literally told me he knows me better than I know myself

anyone else preparing to listen to this at work to deal w/a narcissist boss?

Never, lying is not my way to avoid the nonsense, I have to answer to a higher Authority. I will not fear what man can do unto me, I will fear the Lord. 😊

He cared nothing about my contributions and told me I wasn’t genuine for bringing them up

I'm an unusual person. Sometimes I say, "I'm non-standard issue." Over the last maybe 1/2 decade before I left, it started to be an issue. Things that made me a cool mom, like playing in the fountains in playgrounds with my kids, started to make we a weird spouse when the kids grew up & I did it anyway because I enjoyed it. I could feel the waves of disapproval coming from where he was sitting on a bench. He started contradicting me about things I said when we were talking about things in my own field. I'm glad I got out, because I kept playing in fountains and started coming back to contradictions with, "The research isn't on your side." He was really grinding down hard in areas where I was more vulnerable & did a lot of damage.

ALL of this sums up my experience growing up w/ my narcissistic parents (dad’s an overt, mom’s an enabler/codependent/religious extremist). My narc dad took it a step further, when he got me to flat out LITERALLY lie to my uncle too! Dad was embarrassed that I had quit my teaching job to help my husband with his (legit, successful) small business (dad’s judgmental about it for superficial reasons). When I was visiting my folks, my uncle was on the way over and Dad let me know that if asked about my job, to say I was still teaching-since that’s what he had told my uncle. So sure enough, when asked I ended up lying-I should’ve just told the truth and let my dad look dumb. 😒 That was years ago, and now I won’t even stay at my parents house anymore when visiting (we live in different cities). Now that I have two small kids, I need that boundary up-we refuse to show our kids that their behavior is acceptable! They can see their grandchildren, but it’s our terms.

Narcissistic families tell you that lying is normal, but even if you're telling the truth, they will accuse you of lying

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Narcissists are not known for being reality based.