THE FAWNING RESPONSE: What You Need to Know to Give It Up & STOP Abandoning Yourself
Fawning can be thought of as a step further than people-pleasing. SO, you really need to know about it. Until you become conscious of it, you may be doing it. To get your life back, and to be emerging empowered, you want to recognize it, take charge of it, and garner new insights and skills. Join in!
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
- What The Fawning Response is
- How it shows up
- Why it shows up and becomes a habit
- Seven ways you abandon yourself when you choose the fawning response
- Why its important to see the fawning response and give it up
Fawning can be thought of as a step further than people-pleasing. SO, you really need to know about it. Until you become conscious of it, you may be doing it. To get your life back, and to be emerging empowered, you want to recognize it, take charge of it, and garner new insights and skills.
When you have suffered from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder--which many people who have been abused in many ways do, you may recognize that you actually respond to conflict with The Fawning Response. This term was created by therapist and abuse survivor Pete Walker in his book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving". It's a coping mechanism, a poor one, used in an attempt to create safety in our relationships with others to garner their approval and meet their expectations. As I said, it's not a good one. It's unhealthy and damaging to yourself. Hence, self-abandonment!
You give and give and give in toxic relationships and it's never enough, right? Hijackals always want more. Even if they tell you exactly what they want from you, when you give that exact thing to them, they want something different. Overtime, over-giving becomes a habit, and so does fawning. It's exhausting.
One thing people who have experienced trauma don't want? More trauma. The fawning response is an attempt to prevent more trauma. IT DOESN'T WORK, but you're ever hopeful it will keep you out of the spotlight and out of hot water.
Listen in and recognize The Fawning Response in action. If it sounds familiar, take it to heart and choose to make a change. You may think it's keeping you safe, but it actually is not. You're losing yourself, and that's not a good thing at all!
If you recognize that the Fawning Response is something you want to address, I'm here to help.
I wish you well.
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
CONNECT WITH ME:
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KZread: / forrelationshiphelp
Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on KZread to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
You can take advantage of my one-time. new client introductory Consultation here (only $97 for a full hour)
www.ForRelationshipHelp.com/join
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Пікірлер: 79
It feels like the fawn response isn’t the problem. The problem is what our nervous system has been conditioned to believe will happen if we don’t fawn/appease.
Its interesting to acknowledge how mentally strong Ive been to go on with my life but at the same time this response has gotten in the way of living. I dont think anyone who is working on this should be self critical about it. It doesnt mean you are weak, its just time to move on. Like finding the clothes that really fit you now and make you feel good when you go out. peace
Coming from a state orphanage the fawning response helped me survive but now I realize that it doesn't serve me as an autonomous adult .
Thank you, Dr. Shaler. During listening I remembered one guy who completely seriously told me: "Why should I talk to you about your problems, I want to talk about mine!" It was funny.
I grew up fawning. Not only as the youngest of a dysfunctional family feeling like my existence broken the camels back but also when it all fell apart and everyone else went into fight flight and freeze, I became the stand up student, tons of friends, making dinner, cleaning. It was such a good strategy then but oh boy painful. So painful. It’s a lifetime of unlearning and I’m still finding lingering threads.
It’s so frustrating I go into fawning and I don’t even realize I have 🤦♀️
I overshare too much, but it usually takes a few meetings before I say enough to put my foot in my mouth.
I've been fawning and also finding myself with friends that fawn. So difficult, because we never know who has what boundaries, every one of us is scared to somehow push away the other.. And at the same time this creates such horrible ambiguity, we keep on making ourselves guess what the other person is really thinking! I guess I've been consciously choosing these kind of friendships thinking that this would protect me somehow, and now I'm trying to make friends with people who express boundaries, and set boundaries myself. So freaking difficult though, I feel like I'm swimming in one big emotional flashback.
I so understand this. I think under the fawning response there is a lot of repressed angry. If you are with someone with whom you have to do this, get out. Not healthy at all.
I’m tired of talking about it. I want it to be over!!!! I buried it a long time ago just to spend time digging and analzicif. My relationship with others. I’m super observant and have many answers now. I’m sooo ready to move on in life.
I have fawned for so long that I don’t know who I am or what I want/need. But videos like this give me hope!
❤ " your values shouldn't be fluid ! "
I've felt diminished, I'll treated, taken advantage of and have lived angry and resentful, unheard, undervalued.... and shut down, clammed, jailed and desperate for freedom.... thinking so much about how who all will think, dislike, question me, and reject.... health and sleep, peace of mind have been at stake. Lately I've begun to not seek anyone and observe, reflect, examine.... to reclaim and be ( empowered). Yes, haven't known what I really need, value and stand by it.
I feel like that . Exhausted. And no one consider I am human too .
I DO THIS COMPLIMENTING PEOPLE, SOMETIMES TO START A CONVERSATION, IT USUALLY MAKES ME AND THEM FEEL BETTER, SOME PEOPLE DON'T REACT, BUT I AM A PEOPLE-PLEASER, I GIVE THINGS TOO, I WONDERED WHY I GAVE A GIRLFRIEND AN EXPENSIVE JACKET, WHEN SHE WOULDN'T EVEN BUY ME A COFFEE AND SHE HAS LOADS OF MONEY BUT SHE IS REALLY TIGHT! THANKYOU 4 BRINGING THIS TO MY ATTENTION! , I'M IN AUSTRALIA, TOO FAR AWAY!
I'm only 8 minutes in and I've never felt so heard. Thank you
Thank you for giving a name to this behavior that I do.
Wow. This is hitting me hard. I don’t want to be this way anymore. I matter, my feelings matter. Wow. Thank you for bringing awareness to this. On the healing journey ❤💪🏻🙏
It’s not that I just wanted to be over after analyzing it and healing and all this other stuff I am really wanting the opposite of the life that I had before! I wanted my sunny disposition back as a team and I got that back. Now I want the rest of it back cause I’m tired.
It’s not the fault of the one who has it. But we need to heal it but it’s not like we choose it