Dr. Rhoberta Shaler - Help for Toxic Relationships
Dr. Rhoberta Shaler - Help for Toxic Relationships
Dr. Rhoberta Shaler (1945-2024) was a specialist in empowering the partners, exes, and adult children of the relentlessly difficult, toxic people she called #Hijackals to recognize emotional abuse, verbal abuse and coercive control that they may be experiencing, to realize the patterns, and reclaim their power.
Dr. Shaler coined the term, Hijackals®, to offer a non-clinical word for those people who are constantly scavenging for power, status and control. They blame, shame, justify and deflect...and often are seen by those outside the relationship as charming, fun, thoughtful and doting. It's crazy-making!
And you are not alone, nor are you at fault for the way you are being treated by a Hiackal.
Dr. Shaler passed away on April 3, 2024. Her legacy lives on here:
WEBSITE: www.emergingempowered.com
PODCAST: saveyoursanitypodcast.com
ONLINE LEARNING: joinintoday.com
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Criminalize this ABUSE....think of the Poor children being born to a covert malignant narcissist right now...think of all the psycho-emotional abuse the children will endure.
Thank you for this...I hope you are still here for us all, I don't know what you are suffering with but you are amazing to do this for others when you are clearly unwell. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!...it's breaking my heart to have to let my darlings drift away but I can't do this anymore. x
Apparently she is no longer with us. She passed on in April 2024. May she rest in peace.
They are all talk and no walk. ABB. Your work is totally incredible and soo very accurate and true. I know about your passion 😢 But I know that you are at Peace in heaven ❤ your legacy of your videos and information and help will always live for us. A true blessing. ❤much love
What??? She is no longer with us?? That can’t be 😩😭💔Dr Shaler ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Any man who sees the inconsistencies here should read the manipulated man by ester vilar … you will most likely come to the conclusion that women are the primary perpetrators of coercive control … Also stay away from women with borderline personality disorder they will use these laws against you after her abuse is exposed they will claim to be the victim.
My daughter gave me my granddaughter to raise as my own at birth to 6 yrs. She got mad at me because I wouldn't allow her boyfriend to move in. She took my granddaughter from me and gave her to her dad who has a drug problem because she wanted to crush me. My granddaughter is 10 now. Her sad lets me have her Mon. Thru thursday. I'm thankful. She needs me. I need her.
Every pay day I have my daughter is there with a crisis that takes a good chunk of money. Every one! I can barely pay my bills. She works so I asked if we could go over her finances with her and perhaps we could trim her debt down. She had a fit and said I don't have to let you know my finances!! I said ok. I don't have to contribute to something I can't see why you need either.
My daughter has created herself an entirely different childhood. One I can't even relate too. She has totally changed everything. Its the story she tells every new guy she meets to have them pity her, make excuses for her bad behavior and to cause them to feel a need to rescue her. It makes me look bad but I'm not concerned over that. I hope he'll rescue her and take her from my house, but they never do.
My daughter laid her newborn in my lap when she was a newborn straight out of the hospital and left her with me and did as she pleased. I became her care person. I got up and gave her a bottle and dried her all through the night. I walked the floors comforting her when she had colic and when she was teething and sick. I took her to the emergency room and doctors appointments and clothed her. I tried to get my daughter involved. When my granddaughter was 6 my daughter got mad because I wouldn't let a boyfriend move into my house. She left and took my granddaughter and wouldn't let me see her for a year. I had a heart attack and it was a real bad one. My daughter did bring my granddaughter to see me then because she thought I would die. After I got home I knew I had to make life changes. Even if it meant I wouldn't be allowed to see a child I was raising as my own. She will still take her away sometimes but I am dealing with it better. I know what she's capable of now.
Thank you! You are literally an answer to my prayers. I am 90 years old and my heart has been breaking about the vicious treatment from my 58 year old daughter. I now live alone and am working on emotionally cutting myself free from her abuse.
My deepest condolences to her family an children 🙏 😢 💔
RIP Dr. Shaler. 😞
I come from a difficult life with my father who was a covert narcissist, he was very manipulative, depended on me financially, and was psychologically and emotionally abusive. I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him, I was lucky to have known the people that supported me and helped me with that process. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, they flew me in first class to go be with them, and they thought I was a gift from grandma that passed away, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, their love was like a benchmark, I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, I would hear them say “But he wasn’t raised that way!” “Oh it’s just gonna take time” , “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. I can still remember how my aunt was like “You’ve been going on 3 months!!” …It’s just unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. My aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and said “why not come stay here?” She would ask this weird question “What are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages or benefits, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would’. I told her “I don’t know” , and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family by wanting a life there with them” lol, and he called me a “poster child of emotional immaturity”. Even a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my experience, ended up going against me and said “Well they raised your brother! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me, and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”. This has all put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life with their families and siblings, I believe it is the most basic thing a kid can be allowed to have… I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? So for a kid to live with one’s own family he has to be born into it? …I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said “how on earth can you not be allowed just the same if not more”. I just wanted a life there with my family… why would that be a bad or wrong or reprehensible thing? I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to go be with my extended family after my whole life of them not being in my life and going through a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire? All because, they ‘raised my brother and not me’… I thought I would be their kid too… They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free… I never chose who raised me… I never chose my parents… and neither did my brother…
Omg nooo I didnt know she passed away 😢 I'm so sorry to her this..she brung so much information to us In her lifetime..this is what she was call to do an now she has her beautiful wings 🪽 🕊 rest in heavenly peace miss Roberta 🙏 🙏 ❤GOD HAS ANOTHER ANGEL...from cleveland ohio.
Yess I been listening to her for some time now..AN its so heartbreaking to see this 💔 we love you an what your doing for us ..GOD BLESS YOU..SENDING HEALING PRAYERS 🙏 🙏 🙏 💖 ✨️
You have to mirror them! They go silent you go silent!!
Thank you, Dr. Shaler. Your information is so timely, relevant, and much-needed. I appreciate you!
So sad if this is your "mother" daily humiliation, public smearing and constant criticism. Thank you Utube for videos like this.
They are manipulating everyone. The mask of piety is especially disturbing.
Oh, it sounds like you say hijackals, but i think you're likely saying hyde jekylls. Not trying to pick on you, but i couldn't tell where your first name ended and your last name began until i read it on the screen. Ok enuff outta me.
For the rest of this video, i will be giving you the silent treatment... jk
Never second guessed but that didn't lessen the gasliting, the upped it.
Spot on!!!
My exes words DID match his behavior, unfortunately his words were mean and nasty
My recent ex was exactly like what you described here. 2.5 years and I finally blocked him and have gone no contact. Every time he would “complement” me he would always add “don’t let it get to your head” so I couldn’t even enjoy the compliment. These people are terrible.
I was a people pleaser for a long time. NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!
I'm literally in tears, I've never heard anyone describe this feeling as accurately as you have here. Thank you so very much for sharing this.
Got to get away from this toxic bowl. The relationship is killing me. Im trying to get away to improve my health and be independent again in my life.
I literally turn the phone on speaker and turn the volume down and do something else...
I have left a restaurant that my ex and I were eating at. He kept on and on in public. I just got up and went to the car and left him there.
I very gotten to where I just calmly leave their presence and I don't have the time or energy to listen/ or hear their mouth. If I can't seem to leave, I just say to myself or maybe out loud, I don't respond to that. In the end of it, they have displayed the a-- they are. I have had police called before. Then, I follow up with no contact with that person. And will put a restraining order cause some people will try to get you around that person again. I have absolutely done this with my Brother.
After almost 20 years of doing everything for the household and helping my partner manage the consistent emotional trauma of their difficult remote healthcare job, providing constant support, empathy and compassion throughout, I always imagined that my spouse would reciprocate if I ever needed them to. While I am a strong and resilient person, I was floored by a breast cancer diagnosis of ductal carcinoma and DCIS not long after my spouse's retirement. I needed some emotional support and compassion and understanding. I got great support when there was someone else watching. I got to overhear others expressing support and empathy to them for what 'we' were going through...but I have been treated with judgement, cruelty, anger, and complete emotional neglect when spectators are lacking. The whole experience has been a terrible surprise, and a heartbreaking 'eye-opener'. The relationship that I always thought I could count on does not exist...
It's you're man or men problem if he didn't engage with other women his weak insecure infant child not other women his disrespectful of you he knows you're married n he still entertains them . I askd my husband wat he do if I did same thing kill you ?
I have lived like this for 25 years counting. I’m struggling
One doesnt respond to a silent treatment. One ghosts the person, its over.
What a wonderful gem of a woman. Thank you for everything. You are greatly missed, but your legacy is so meaningful. Thank you for sharing your love and light with so many.
❤❤❤❤
If your child is a narcissist it is your fault
I'm an Empath raised by a covert Narc mum. Married a Narc (now divorced) recently seen Narc traits in my daughter. She controls her younger sister. They both live with me. So both bully me. So I believe it's Hereditary from the blood line of certain family members.. Lucky me! 😔 I dread going home.
@@DJPeachyful oh. So everyone is a narc and you are just tiny little victim. Empath🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
TO ALL WHO'S ASKING WHY THIS IS ON THE RISE ..... READ THE BIBLE BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH. YOU'LL GET A BETTER DIRECT ANSWER. REVELATIONS..❤❤❤
Yes
For anyone in a questionable situation, if you are sleeping and your partner accidentally hits you in their sleep, be aware it may not be an accident. Mine started with his elbow, using it to hit me in the head, I genuinely thought it was unintentional. I think it was a test based on what he did and said later.
Thank you SO much for mentioning siblings in this context. Really rare to see it mentioned, but it means a lot. 😢 Always wondered, seeing this person treat others really reprehensibly, and always thought “if I wasn’t their sibling and they treated me like that, I’d probably run, not walk.” As it is, I AM their sibling, and now that the day has come where I’m enemy number one? YEARS of resentment come pouring out, followed by “love me”. I don’t even feel like a person anymore. Just some arbitrary tool for meeting someone else’s affection quota.
And purposely inflicted Million questions a day from morning, noon, and night. " DERAILMENT" INSIDIOUS DERAILMENT
YES❤
My ex is narcissistic, so we divorced. Now I have narsistic son. It's surprising 😨 me.
I love you. Thank you . Keep it up❤
Its the parents fault!! You raised them!!
Daily future faking 😂 "I'll stop at the grocery store on the way home," and then they don't. Looking for the microphone! You're awesome, Roberta. Wait. Don't take that the wrong way 😅
There is also a astrologer who brings innocent people in a coercive control relationships with violence and after that they cry false crocodiletears while they have caused it. Take away your power destiny fate reversal and your star and light. They take you down to feel good about themselves, overcompensation and the victim survivor is conditioned to be the peoplepleasing part in the family or the familyscapegoat and the familyscapegoat can be in the outside world also be at risk. You are doing things agains your will and what you feel. You feel bad about the things you are doing and follow instructions blindly while you don"t feel good at it. Betrayal and abuse of trust is their trademark and the whole family and children are the same and also the outside world can do the same. In a dependency relationship emotional and financial. People who are in a vulnerable position. They make you feel less and are feeling superior. Feeling powerless. Take your power back. People who are experienced and who are understanding and non judgemental. In this relatonship you can"t function properly. Knowing the do"s and the don"ts from people who have practiced so it will succeed in practice. No contact to find an own identity where you can be free and feel free. Being on your own and feel finally free. People who understand this from the inside out and know where you are dealing with. . .