I was16 years old when a missionary started breaking the rules with me... and I fell for him and it ended badly... so yeah.

It's so nice to hear from a former sister missionary on this topic. You're totally right- it's hardly talked about!

1:11:54 Realizing shame is not a bug, but a feature of Mormonism is what finally helped me decide to leave it behind.

Carah, I love this interview with Suzy! She is so good-hearted, kind and mellow...I'm a never-Mormon but know the Church was fortunate to have her services in Brazil. She seems unflappable, unfazed and super poised. Thank you for posting your conversation with her.

@CarahBurrell

5 ай бұрын

Suzy is such a delight! I’m happy you enjoyed my interview with her!

I can’t even begin to express how much this resonates with me. I went through a VERY similar situation as a missionary in 1997, although I had only been out a few weeks when I met the Zone Leader who decided we were going to get married. We never even touched each other but passed notes back and forth and exchanged CTR rings. 😂. My companion told on me to the mission president and the zone leader got sent home early in between transfers-total scandal. I served the rest of my mission feeling like I had caused him to get sent home early. Of course other missionaries speculated and talked and I was labeled as the mission slut for the rest of the time I was there. Members even heard rumors (all grossly exaggerated.). I stayed in the church with that horrible shame until I was 40, always feeling like my mission was a failure because I had “fallen in love.” The zone leader ghosted me within months of being sent home. Anyway this episode brought back all those emotions and brought me to tears. I didn’t really realize how traumatic that was for me at the time until I listened to this. Thank you so much for sharing!!!

At the very vulnerable part. I wasn't expecting that. So sorry she went through that.

I wish I had parents as supportive as Suzy’s, im glad she’s still here and thank you for sharing your experiences they’re more comforting than you can know ❤

My missionaries want to baptise me so bad then even set a date and I said no as I dont know what happens AFTER it

I just saw Suzy on a panel in SLC! I'm so glad to hear from her again. An amazing women!

Great interview. Thank you Suzy!!! ❤️❤️❤️

There were elders dating sisters on my mission as well. Never understood how that worked

Gaaahhhh!! Hello Suzy!! I felt so happy when I saw you on here! Thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing 🤗 this just makes me appreciate you more 💛

🤝 DONATE VIA DONORBOX! donorbox.org/thanks-for-the-amazing-content-carah-let-me-help-you-keep-it-funded 👩‍💻 Join the Hoetown community on Patreon: www.patreon.com/nuancehoe 🍯 Tip Jar (Venmo: CarahB): account.venmo.com/u/CarahB 00:00 Suzy’s hopes, consent + shame on a mission 5:15 Feeling love + connection in Mormon life 7:08 Bible-belt Mormon testimony 10:02 Mormon in Provo, NYC 14:00 Deciding to serve a mission, Brazil 17:40 Father blesses Suzy finds husband on mission 19:07 Loving Brazil 22:50 Forcing baptisms for numbers 30:40 Love at first sight, meeting zone leaders 38:00 Zone leaders' confessions 43:50 Zone leader asks Suzy to pray to fall for him 48:50 Foursome’s rules 53:00 Cocerian into contact 57:50 Telling parents she met her husband 1:01:40 Carrying the shame after mission 1:15:55 Trying to heal with plant meds 1:23:00 Benefits of shadow work 1:31:40 Celebrating humanity, community 1:36:00 Red flags to look for 1:41:40 What Suzy wishes she could tell her younger self

Great interview!!!

Break the silence. Break the cycle.

So enjoyed! Thanks for sharing Suzy, and thanks to you Carah!

Reading through these comments I’m shocked how many women experienced being told “we are going to get married”. I was also told that by an older guy when I was a sophomore in HS, he was a convert and said the moment he knew he had to be baptized was walking into church, seeing me, and “recognized me from a dream/vision he’d had”. So confusing for me, being that young trying to choose between what I wanted and what I thought was chosen for me by God. I’m so glad I ended up moving states soon after!

This is a an amazing story, and really reveals so much of the Mormon mission culture. I had two sister missionaries who told me we supposed to get married when I was on my mission in Florida. It's crazy! By the way, I served in the mission where you grew up several years ago!! Fla-Tallahassee Mission. I left the cult ten years ago, best decision ever.

good interview

Suzy Baker is a very beautiful lady, I loved her story ... We had two girls in our Ward that married Missionaries serving in our Stake... Mormon Missionaries from Alabama and Ohio stalk Utah girls from Holladay to be their Eternal Companion. lol Great Episode Carah!

My parents met on their mission. They didn't date, but when my mom was released, my dad saw her off on the bus, and when he shook her hand, they both knew they had met their "eternal companion." They were married for 58 years.

@BrianWaller-qe7gr

5 ай бұрын

My missionary gave me first bumps and hand shakes, eye contact(prolonged) compliments of my church attire, sat next to me . Shook my hand last time I saw her at church. I reached out after she got home and got ghosted. So typical of my luck. I took it hard, it’s fine to get rejected but did she have to do it the rudest, callous way possible? Seriously? Lost total respect for her. Unfriend her on Facebook. You know what the saddest part is? When she matures more emotionally she’ll realize she did me dirty and reach out. Women almost always come back

@debbieshrubb1222

5 ай бұрын

How absolutely lovely.

@silver474

5 ай бұрын

@@BrianWaller-qe7gr what do you mean by “your missionary”? You dated before she left and expected things to be the same when she got home? Or the missionary that tried to convert you to her church?

@BrianWaller-qe7gr

5 ай бұрын

@@silver474 I was a convert so I was referring to one of the missionaries who taught me

@nickdipaolofan5948

5 ай бұрын

@@BrianWaller-qe7gr no offense but you should know better. Don't ever think the waitress (or stripper, or missionary, or real estate broker, or or or) is actually interested in you. When a woman is trying to get something from you (money, baptism, a favor) they almost always lead with their sexuality. Men generally don't attempt to motivate women with their sexuality simply because most men can't. There was a saying back in the day "flirt to convert" and the hot sisters almost ALWAYS had the highest baptizing rates.

This reminds me of the opening of that episode of Loudermilk. If you know you know.

24:12 i didn’t think i manipulated anyone on my mission (West Indies) to be baptized. However, after hearing the approach the elder presented to you I am not so sure. When I spoke with people about the Book of Mormon and the church, I used very similar words, “ask the lord”, “don’t believe me” and so on. ( 46:12 ) Yes, I had a strong belief at the time (I know it is all BS now). I really thought I was enriching lives, and I thought if I left it up to prayer and a personal personal witness, I was helping them form a spiritual connection. Now, I hear that those words manipulated you into feeling love. I realize, and am more than a bit concerned, that despite my intentions, I may manipulated/coerced people. Deconstruction is hard, yo

@kellyreilly-robinson2130

5 ай бұрын

Forgive yourself you did not know and had no malice in your heart. It's so amazing on the other side but it's a process I'm sure you know♥️light and love to you♥️

@amberinthemist7912

5 ай бұрын

The system manipulated you into being a manipulator. Blame the system not yourself. Now you know better you can do better. ❤

@marebear6727

5 ай бұрын

So... this is how religions actually work! Now I am seeing the light! Interesting! Thanks for the insight!! 👀🧐😁

I like the darker at the top, lighter at the bottom hair. Cool. Its a nice refreshing look on you.

Id be interested in a missionary story comparing different denomination mission experiences, protestant. Catholic and whatever. ❤😮

I ran into a girl I had dated in high school while we were both in the MTC. We met up to watch Legacy together one night, dragged out companions along but it totally felt like a date, and was awesome. No rules broken. 😂

Very common in missions. You think you found your soulmate only to discover it was due to the isolation of the mission field.

Suzy: "I'm sure everyone knows this" Me, a never Mormon: 👀

I served a mission in Brazil, in Campinas Sao Paulo, and I'm proud to say I was an AP... I'm just kidding, I mean actually I'm not, but just saying, you're right when you say Mormon boys think it belongs on a resume, Ive spent my career in specialized pharmaceuticals and have seen young Mormon men wanting to get into pharmaceutical sales include it on a resume, apparently without clue how cringe that is... Anyway, I served in Brazil and saw plenty of Brazilian female missionaries try to marry American RM's and follow them home, her following a Brazilian RM back to Brazil is wild to me....

Which Sunday is open mic Sunday again? Thinking about going again to hear the same thing repeated from the congregation.. kind of intriguing to me now.

I know you don't believe it Suzy, but that lady in the celestial room WAS an answer to your prayer. That's a pretty amazing story, and I'm SO glad for you that you didn't marry that guy from your mission. When we leave the church, there is such a tendency towards cynicism and atheism, which I find such a shame. The lies and deception inflict so much damage and trauma, that it seems impossible to find faith again. The universe, the logos, God, or whatever you want to call it has got your back, and whatever vehicle you use to channel that will work for your good, because you are loved.

@spymaster2455

5 ай бұрын

The lady wasn't a answer to her for prayer it was because she knew in her heart that she did not love this guy at all she was just following a brainwashing technique and she just happened to come across somebody who is going through the same trouble she was going through that's why that was resident to her that she would have not had gone married that man anyway because of her own self. And how can a God answer your prayer when he is not a god of the universe how did the Earth and the god of the Bible that you and the book of Mormon perceives is an evil entity has nothing to do with the Supreme Creator

@jacoboneil1524

5 ай бұрын

@@spymaster2455 hi spymaster. Thank you for your reply. May I ask you a question? Is English your first language. Seems that there may have been something lost in translation in your message. I think I get the gist of what you’re saying though. Would you mind restating your premises, so I might fully understand what you’re attempting to convey. Is it that their interaction in the temple was mere coincidence? She went to discover if she should marry this man from Brazil. She met a lady from Brazil. That lady told her not to marry a Brazilian man. She might have easily told her that marrying a man from Brazil is the best thing she could do. Nevertheless, she received an answer that she went there to obtain. The real question is do you believe that was divine intervention, or merely the lotto. You’re free to believe what you want about it, as am I. May God bless you.

@spymaster2455

5 ай бұрын

@@jacoboneil1524 I will try and no English isn't my first language I lived in 194 different countries growing up so I apologize if it's not as well spoken. All I'm saying basically that the woman would not have married the man no matter as she met the woman in the temple. It had nothing to do with pray.

When I was converting- I would see all of the extra curriculars, Sunday classes, FHE nights, and it made me think the church was more true.. they were “doing more”

A mor.on mission.. Is the new 'requirements'.. for a baby bride!! Like a boy 'return missionaries'.. fyi.. I would love you to cover this topic.

I love this show, its one of my sll time favorites. I feel this is the happy real you doing the interview with youre guest. She impressed me, no specific axe to grind, speaks well of her homeward as a ward family, speaks highly of her parents, you can say in religious terms, she honors her mother and father. And the one , i really wish I did with my kids, her and her siblings were " the wolf pack" I love this ! I really love how upbeat this episode is, now, thats the way it should go down ! I served my mission in 77-78 , I wonder , if there was any of that stuff goin on, if so, I didnt have a clue. I know occasionally an Elder would have to be transferred because he would have a garden variety , what the raging hormones do at those as ages with a girl in the ward or a sister missionary. But my mission president knew that would happen and would take precautionary methods. Looking back, i believe I must have been protected . ( I was less the premeditation type of guy and more of the type to just walk into a situation until it was too late. Which fortunately too late never happened. But admittedly, I had a few near misses. Just thinking about all the years ago, these incidents weren't near misses because I was so careful and smart , but because we were being watch over I am sure of it. ( But I do want to stste for the record the close calls were with very attractive women . ) Yes, looking back I am sure of it, I was being protected. One time as a district leader over at a members house a young elder I knew who father was in a bishopric or stake presidency I cant remember showed up at the members home which was outside his area. He turned pale when he saw me. I think he thought i was going to report him. He had a strictly flirtous relationship with the members very attractive daughter. The mother told me that she was ' watching ' the situation. I trusted the mother after all it was her daughter and i knew the elder was very well taught and had a command of personal discipline. I never reported the situation to the mission president deciding that the risk of damage to this Elders personal file was greater than the risk of moral harm. Any way, he was " promoted" to the mission car czar a little time later so off to the mission home. My companion from a yesr esrlier was an assistant and the car czar was a rookie in our zone. We were the zone leaders . ( An earlier time and place)

Two very beautiful women… Suzy seems truly at peace

Shocking enough my investigator college friend and I went to the disco on wet tshirt night with her missionaries

I love her bro voice

There were a few missionary elders who dated girls under 18 on my mission , really creepy

🌼🌼🌼

1:11:14 yes it has, so please stop using it

Did you feel out of place living in the Bible Belt??

SHAME🔔, SHAME🔔, SHAME🔔. Lol

27:40 Your companion was apart of the majority. It’s hard to stop in the midst of peer pressure, whether you’re brainwashed or not. Peer pressure is a slippery slope.

Pray to know this MLM opportunity is the world's truest investment, honest!

I'm going to save you a lot of time. The supreme creator of the universe. Did not leave you any written rules or regulations on this planet to follow did not even create religion at all it has nothing to do with the actual god of the universe. I know for a fact you don't even need a person to save you as the religion the fact is you are a mortal you are the soul you are not the shell that you live in in this dimension you are part of the god code so don't let no human being tell you different.

The chest never looked better!

I don't get this perspective. A lot of you speak so positively about your ward. I was in the church for 35 years served a mission and all that. Not once in my life have I felt that. It was always a chore and pain to go to church and even worse was been around members. Every ward I had been in was hell. I really don't get it.

@grantbeck9228

5 ай бұрын

i never had a good experience in church. For 35 years. I hated being around the people there. It was so boring. Of course I didn't realize the church wsa making me miserable. I thought I was the problem.

Welp, I guess this is exactly why missions have so many and such strict rules. About the no and the kiss… Keeping the rules would have prevented it. But I would say that culture comes into play. When the lady in the Temple said Don’t marry a Brazilian man, I feel she was inspired but also commenting on the culture of these men. “Latin lover” is not a well known phrase without cause. My daughter just returned from a Spanish mission in Florida, and the Cubans were the same. The young man you were with sounds like a classic cheater personality. He is going to get his narcissistic supply wherever he can- he will “love” whoever he is with. There are bad seeds everywhere. Bottom line: I don’t feel it is fair to blame the Church for anything when you knowingly broke the Church’s rules and lied throughout your mission. I have never heard of this confusion about leadership. Zone Leaders would only have authority as they are obedient to the Mission President. I have never in my life heard these folks talked up to that extent. You are learning a lot wherever you go- the answer to mistakes is not despair but humility that brings you to the Savior. Take responsibility, repent, pass your burden to Jesus and carry on. This is the ultimate answer that drug use can only obscure. I feel that you may be taking a really round about way to Atonement. Redemption is there for you- you don’t have to be scared, be running away from it, be distracted. Your new philosophies are helpful for life but they don’t have promise for afterwards. I’m so sorry you had a rough mission. Satan is the one who wants you to be hard on yourself. Jesus already saved you if you will only remember Him and His love.

A relationship based on lies is unhealthy and it wasn't real love. In the Doctrine and Covenants section 9 has a framework of understanding what revelation is having thing make since in your heart and mind. It needs to feel right and reasonably make sense. Her relationship wasn't reasonable.

@hbendzulla8213

5 ай бұрын

You should grow up and accept reality. I have seen this happen in Europe several times. No one should or can stop from people expressing their real emotions..

@dustinpike779

5 ай бұрын

The same healing techniques and psychology can still and are sometimes applied in The Church. These systems we live in are created to be helpful and not to be destructive. A system is like a tool that can be used for good or bad. Either way a person needs to be connected with self.

@dustinpike779

5 ай бұрын

​@@hbendzulla8213 accepting reality is the reasonable part I'm talking about.

@hbendzulla8213

5 ай бұрын

@@dustinpike779 I know that you mean well, and that is good, however, I believe in reality and facts. And I don’t believe in the doctrine and covenants anymore.

@dustinpike779

5 ай бұрын

@@hbendzulla8213 Very fair. All humanity flocks to what they resonate with. Whatever I believe is scripture or revelation from God isn't who I am. All my experiences of finding self has parallels with scripture and other sources. Other people has different experiences.

anyways . i kind of understand how that elder were so attracted to you in Brazil. u r very pretty

Be careful because of judgment Day if you tell the truth about the missionary he was totally wrong. Judging all Mormons is also wrong. Missionaries are transferred often from different zones to different zones so they don't develop a relationship with anybody. I don't see how she would have been able to date a missionary considering that missionaries go in couples and they are not allowed out by themselves to get into trouble. If a missionary go to the bathroom the other one goes too. That is so they can't be accused of something like you're accusing.

@AJ-ib4oy

4 ай бұрын

Yep, that’s the problem with missions. You can’t develop relationships with anyone. No friendships, mentorships, no nothing. You’re completely isolated. Which is probably why missions are so unhealthy and missionaries seek out bad relationships.

GOD STILL LOVES YOU This is so stupid! Gods will is most important! REPENT!! LOVE GOD AND LOVE YOUR NEIGHBORS, ENEMIES!!

This conversation about consent is disgusting. Take responsibility for yourself. Nobody forced you to do anything - any trauma is your own realization that you have no integrity.

I wasnt aware there was a light side to dating a missionary

Her valley girl voice makes me so uncomfortable