I am one of those people who struggle with touch. I only am capable of withstanding touch from certain people under certain circumstances, and even with my kids who I love more than my own life, I struggle to let them touch me sometimes. Its a violent, visceral reaction. Thank you for this video, its enlightening!

@jenlumanlan4158

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry to hear that this is so challenging for you. I hope you find healing on your parenting journey.

@rachturpin

2 жыл бұрын

try EMDR - can be done online

@ladiefoxxy

Жыл бұрын

I got the same… i can only let a select group of people touch me

@greintje6941

Жыл бұрын

It might just be you have Autistic Spectrum issues. I advice you to look in to this also. Former Asperger-Syndrom might be a good start to look for. Or Level 1 Autism. Just to check out before you start wondering about sexual abuse somewhere in your past as a reason for your adversary to specific touch. It's a very common symptom among Autistic people. Good luck!

@samanthafoster2019

Жыл бұрын

@@greintje6941 thank you! I hadn't thought of that!

Dr. Bessel very much a sign of intelligence as he doesn't act like being a therapist is as woo woo as might appear- saying all forms of help come from everyday relationships.

I met this man in June’18 at the trauma conference in Belfast

Wow, I've been listening to a lot of interviews with Bessel lately, but this is my favourite. First time to this channel, and I'm impressed with Jen's insightful and original questions, beautifully articulated.

@YourParentingMojo

Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Elimy - I'm so glad you found this useful. It takes me 20+ hours to prepare for interviews so knowing that the information helps people makes it all worthwhile!

I have the book, but don't understand why he left out H.P.A.axis dysregulation, which is what I am dealing with due to early and severe childhood stressors and trauma that plagued me thruout my long life. I was hoping to find this in The Body keeps the Score. Chronic stress plays a huge role in the hypothalamic, pituitary, adrenal axis dysregulation and the linked increase in cortisol and NE. This causes numerous miserable symptoms like chronic fatigue, insomnia, body aches and pains, etc...and should be addressed in any book about trauma. Thank you!

I love Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk, such an amazing doctor and brilliant person! His book was amazing! His the only doctor that gets traumatized people's pain and agony!

@robynhope219

5 ай бұрын

Reading it for the 2nd time.

To add. It's often very hard to make accurate memories of the past. They get coloured by time and tend to highlight only the facts that impressed us the most. Building our stories around those impressions which favour us most, forgetting the rest. It's a natural tendency out of self-preservation. In real trauma experiences though the flash-backs are like short movies which can not be addited later really. Many victims try with all their might to alter their flash-backs and memories to make some kind of rational sence to them. Accusing other people as the cause of their sorrow and anger instead of the real culprit(s). I remember I did the same. Reflecting my disappointment and anger on some of my dearest friends and partners. They didn't understand ofcourse and left me. Or I left them. I still wasn't aware of the tremendous abuse and betrayal my mother commited when I was a child, adolecent and even adult. They had no clue either ofcourse. These days I'm thinking of ways to make up to them. But I realize I've harmed them too much with my displaced anger and distrust.

Thanks so much for the talk! The audio is really unbalanced though and makes it quite exhausting listening between the too loud voice of the interviewer and the too low one of the interviewee. Some postpro will do magic 🙏

I thank the "upload" for introducing me to this man. This is one of the many things you can "collect" in your library, that will help you gain understanding of yourself, and others. He is correct about the VALUE of these two things: daily connection with your family, and team sports. Each of these activities are extremely important to how you integrate into a "communal" society.

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

Connection with family is not always possible...either dead or estranged.

@wrmlm37

6 ай бұрын

@robynhope219 preaching to the choir. I have 3 siblings...that is ALL they are/were- not friends, not helpers, not anything except trying to survive. Due to maternal behavior, not a single extended family member cared about the 4 of us. We all grew up on our own-no holidays, no. B-days-nought. Like orphans...

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

@@wrmlm37 wow, how tragic. I’m an only child of abusive parents and always envied ppl with siblings. Surely, you’re an unusual case.

In addition to childhood trauma, i am also dealing.with my aging body and the fear of death😢which keep my stress hormones elevated.

Yes this makes sense 👍👍

Really interesting the seeming need for research and academia to validate the efficacy of practices that have worked for thousands of years.

Can the Body change the Score? Yes, it can...depends on age and resilience, i guess. But the case histories of some of Bessel's patients and their recoveries are nothing short of miraculous. Dont lose hope!

I bought the book as it was suggested to us by our tutor. I have finished reading it yet.

Meditation terrifies me. I can even sleep without headphones in I have to have something to keep my mind from going places that I don’t want it to

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

That's because you need to distract yourself as not to feel😢

I wish I would have met him here in Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria.

I'm touchy-feely kind

Hello Jen, just wondering what type of webcam you are using. I am sure your lighting plays a role but the image is great

Every video I have watched of BVDK being interviewed has volume which is way too low...

Looked for the book by Stacey Haines? Somatic Experiencing..Anyone find it?

Wish i can come into my body more

@YourParentingMojo

2 жыл бұрын

It can be really hard, because we've been trained our whole lives not to do it. Try setting aside just a couple of minutes a day to close your eyes and ask: "What's here? What is my attention drawn to?"

Body is erath sing kanna 😉☺️

They are still tormenting the monkeys in such attachment experiments. Haven't figured out animal, man, or attachment yet?

Funny they wouldn’t let him introduce developmental trauma disorder into the DSM because that would mean to many people would qualify for treatment. This is part of the reason why not having universal healthcare is a huge problem. If we all have the same healthcare and doctors are allowed to treat patients then we can’t be pawns to the pharmaceutical companies and what the diagnosis codes they want us to have so they can insure profits and or make sure they don’t actually have to provide treatment to people.

I have tried to listen to him on several YT and he’s so difficult to hear and understand he needs a better mic ..

I'm concerned that all problems in children come from a neglectful mother - if not other major trauma. What about autistic introversion or social anxiety? Are these all symptoms of a neglected early childhood?

@jenlumanlan4158

2 жыл бұрын

I don't think *every* problem we face is a result of a neglectful mother, but I do think that social forces cause our parents to try to shape us in ways that deny our needs, which represents a kind of trauma.

@desertboot9755

2 жыл бұрын

@@jenlumanlan4158 I agree that our society is poorly designed to enable the best outcomes easily. Definitely. I could write a book on how society fails mothers and families for sure - but I feel very disheartened by Bessel's black and white attitude toward psychiatric pathology. I guess he's just hit a nerve that I've clearly worked very hard to love and nurture my children and yet managed to fail them so deeply that they have conditions for which medication might be useful, or they don't wish to engage in team sports etc.

@desertboot9755

2 жыл бұрын

He reminds me of the old 'refrigerator' mother theory behind autism.

@greintje6941

Жыл бұрын

Ofcourse not. Many (if not most) mental disorders/syndroms are not caused by traumatic upbringings/events. Autism, shizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, psychopathy and many more mental disorders are studied very well. Results mostly show no history of (traumatic) abuse during childhood with these patients. Like Autism (ASD) many of those mental disorders have a genetic/biological cause and are often inherited- or damaged genes/brains during conseption and pregnancy (or after). The neglectfull/ignoring mother (or father) cann't be the sole cause of trauma. 'Emotional neglect' is not the same as 'Emotional abuse' which causes trauma. Neglecting/ignoring someone is not per definition abuse. We all do it all the time with no harm intended. We all ignore or neglect people we don't like. An Autistic parent will per definition neglect her/his children emotionally but with no intend at all to abuse them. She/he will always believe/say she/he loves them very much but still keep going on neglecting them emotionally and physically. No harm intended. Childhood trauma is not caused by emotional neglect alone from a parent/'caregiver'. It's caused by severe, active, deliberate, violent (emotional and/or physical) acts by a parent/'caregiver'. It's this utmost betrayal that damages those children/persons the most. Not even the abusive acts on themselves. I think you and many others should be much more carefull in calling something a 'trauma'.

@randybackgammon890

Жыл бұрын

​@@greintje6941 a common sense answer to the often glib platitudes of some of these online gurus

Teachers themselves get dysregulated and would benefit from self-feeling and re-regulation practices

There are also therapists who are bullies and bullied their clients and it was a sexist and intruder. Making people crazy. They say yoga can attract bad entities and spirits you can get haunted like a haunted house. Entities can live in you.

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

😂

The interview’s volume is way toooo high, and the guests way too low - very difficult to listen to

In "Choices to be Made", Bessel says "if parents are forced to work two jobs, or too impaired, overwhelmed, or depressed, schools have to be places where children are taught self leadership and control." I respectfully disagree. That is not the role of a school teacher. The right answer imo is: if you're impaired, overwhelmed, and depressed, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN.

Why would people do those sort of test on dogs? What? What the heck is going on?

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

Yeah..it's brutal!