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I feel so fake when I try to act extroverted.

@chrisw.9845

4 жыл бұрын

True. Also, if u don't act extroverted. U just end up being left out of convos. INFJ fade happens. Basically me at school.

@Martin-zr2tb

4 жыл бұрын

Learn to Read a room... probably your environment ... people around you,... feelings of being watched, etc All INFJ 'a are true mirrors, at a very high percent at least.... you are hanging around the wrong crowds... too much time spent with people who have ill-intent, zealously, etc It sounds pretentious to think this way, which is exactly why INFJ a are confused by it for much of their lives It's not you, it's them

@slick_Ric

4 жыл бұрын

INFJs are supposed to be the most extraverted of the introvert types, and i find this very much to be the case. for me, I'm not able to sustain chat long enough for it to feel fake, i either drift out if group convos or gently cut off a small talk once i run out of juice. i can then go and engage someone i haven't talked to yet that day, though. i guess it comes in bursts, and that's all it has to be. the sooner you accept this, the more smoothly socializing will go. side note, INFJ fade does indeed happen, and it is a blessing in disguise. usually it's one of two things: one, you are getting an opportunity to regroup yourself and rest and if you wish you can reflect on what you might do differently next time (but definitely do NOT be ashamed to be ignored, because...), or two, you may be getting a sign that you're hanging around the wrong group of people. it may be that some in the group are a good convo match with you, just not all these people at once. it comes down to using discernment. be honest with yourself and with others. INFJs love people, but not always, and not all at once, and that's fine. find the balance and you'll be free~ God bless, Jesus loves you

@slick_Ric

4 жыл бұрын

Chris W. i think you should ask yourself if you really want to be part of these conversations you find yourself fading out of, and if you do, try to find the most inclusive and understanding extraverted member of the group and inch towards them with your two cents with them, because most certainly they'll throw your cents in for you, at least now and then, and this will plug you into the group and grow your presence within it. and if there doesn't seem to be such a person, confide your opinion to the person you admire most there. suffice to say, if no one in the group bothers to include you somehow, maybe it's time to find new friends, as much as that may suck to think. if nothing else, you can always count on Jesus, just call out to Him and He is there. God bless

Unhealthy INFJs can look like covert narcissists in many ways, and often have attachment problems, specifically avoidant attachment styles. It’s very hard to deal with someone like this, especially if they are male.

@Crows_before_bros

Жыл бұрын

Yes.

I was such a people-pleaser when I was younger. A friend could call me in the middle of the night to complain about being out of chocolate, and I would patiently wait for this person to calm down just because I thought that I had to do it. I was constantly trying please everybody, and I never listened to my body or mind when they screamed no. This lead to regular anxiety-attacks, and I also spent a lot of years wondering about what was wrong with me. A friend of mine kept telling me to say no, and she also kept telling me that I had to become more selfish. It all felt so confusing, and I didn’t understand why she kept saying these things. Then, during a trip with some friends, I got awfully sick. I was in immense pain, but people didn’t care. After more than sixteen hours of wishing for the pain to stop, I quite simply snapped. I don’t really remember everything, but I did scream a lot of weird things at the people who kept running around, screaming, and making it impossible to sleep through the illness. This next thing is not something that I’m sure about, but I remember someone screaming at me that nobody cared and that I wasn’t welcome there if I was going to be in the way. The next couple of months were horrible, and I kept asking all of these questions while avoiding almost everyone and everything. Everything changed when I remembered what my friend had told me to do for several years: say no, think about your limits. I decided to rely more on my ni, and allowed it to take control instead of just being a kind of escape. The other functions have gotten their rightful places (I think), and life have gotten better. I’m not participating in nearly as many social things as I used to do, but it’s fine. It felt so weird at first, but life have generally gotten better. My mind feels more calm now, and my relationship with a lot of people have somehow gotten better. I’m kinda unhappy about the part where I screamed at people, but it can have been a necessity in order for me to grow. I’m incredibly grateful for the people who’ve helped me grow into a better and healthier version of myself. Hoping for every other person out there to be able to find the beginning of their path as well, even if it can take some time. We’ve always got something to learn, but the dominant function is key towards self-discovery. That’s at least what I’m left with after watching this video

@stephanvillavicencio5679

5 жыл бұрын

@Ingemaja: Thank you for opening up with your past experience. I too lost my temper when I was younger and I was feeling "overwhelmed" by people who were "exhausting my tolerance for the external world." Now that I understand my MBTI type and what kind of limitations I have, I can explain them to other people. And your comment provided me with anectdotal evidence (that it doesn't just happen to me). Again, thank you.

@fines158

4 жыл бұрын

Calling you out in the middle of the night because of chocolate? I felt bad for you and how warm your heart really is.

As an INFJ I isolate myself a lot which is definitely unhealthy. I only keep in contact with family all the time. Other than that I’ve been trying really hard to open up and make friends.

I feel unhealthy when I'm surrounded by too much negative energy, I feel it way too deeply to where it makes me sick and I drop alot of Fffffff bombs!

@slawyermalone9806

5 жыл бұрын

Like it literally makes me sick and nauseous and I barf for real taking on too much of others negative energy, even land that has negative energy!

Using Ni never leads me astray. When I second guess my Ni I find myself in troubles. My Ti is at its best, when I am having fun with it and using it in creativity or to read something abstract , joyful or something that enables me to analyse the patterns. Using my Ni is natural and never depletes me. To much Fe when I extravert, makes me in a deep need for me time. To much thinking in the wrong direction leads to depression and frustration. That is why I think your point of view in this video valid.

I got hurt in the past for relying too much on feelings so I prefer logic. Now I understand why I got INTJ twice even tho I'm INFJ.

@linnaeusa

2 жыл бұрын

I was mistyped as an INTJ for a long time too because I have created myself a cold, emotionless persona on the outside to keep people away.

INFJ and philosophy major here.

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

Hi, fellow INFJ philosopher!

As I was watching and thinking of what is going on with me now, it is occurring to me that heavy Fe use [that with a big family and frequent guests staying for extended periods] I become exhausted even when I am making an effort to take breaks and be myself, when to others perceptions I don't look like I am breaking a sweat, let alone being overwhelmed... though I have gotten better at backing off as I grow... but still, I am seeing that overusing Fe [harmonizing type] really screws up my Se as well. I become kind of insatiable, unable to satisfy my own direction for reasons mostly involving welcoming loved ones and then the aftermath, I fall into a more or less passive watching the world via movies, youtube and abusing myself via self destructive Se, eating, failing to exercise and sitting too much... and this usually happens after they are gone and for some time... though if given enough time I often snap out of it, or become so disgusted I pick something and try to drag myself out... which I can feel coming on, but it is slow. And I tend to think Se somewhere to start, like go do the laundry, get up, do something! And there is always pressure to get the necessities done... Ideally I would use Fe creation to fill that need for satiation. Write. But then I cringe and begin looping because what I write, what I want to express is in contradiction with Fe [harmonizing] even though time disappears and I have bounds of energy when I am not shooting myself in the foot with the fuckmeFe that judges me twisted and better silent. Perhaps tmi, but if another INFJ can't handle me this way then I am truly doomed.

@larissapanatta291

3 жыл бұрын

I completely understand this feeling, I just didn't know (ENFP here)

Great video Ren! I see KZread is starting to find out how great you are, but just remember, we on the forum already knew! Hehe.

Watching this, Nov, 2021. At first, the introvert in me, smiled at the isolation. Now, perspective differences and choices have left me without even my small, number of support people. I know I’m far from unusual in the effects of these times, yet… no doubt….I’m in an unhealthy… space. Dear reader,… I wish you well.

Fellow INFJ here - I have so far watched your videos you made for two evenings in a row and and have come to the conclusion that you are very loveable 😊 I do not know any INFJ's in my life so I am quite delighted to be let in on another one and to become privy to your undrstandings. Thank you for this! ❤ I hope you are well ☺

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you Alana for these kind words! I am very well thank you, and I hope that you are well too :)

@alanam.1615

5 жыл бұрын

Ren's Room I am also very well, thanks! I have a question out of pure curiosity, your accent seems mostly Irish? But sometimes I hear a slight different accent that I can't pinpoint - can I ask your background?

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

I was born in France but I lived in Ireland for many years, and am planning to move back there in September actually :) What about you?

@alanam.1615

5 жыл бұрын

That's cool! I should have guessed French because I am Canadian (not that I speak French unfortunately, and I also understand yours is the proper French compared to our bastardized version!). Funny, I will also be moving in September, to Utah of all places. My Grandmother was born in Belfast though, so Ireland is definitely on my list of places to visit 😊

This is fantastic Renaud. I've used the word sustainable in my internal dialogue. I can be very productive using ti but I always know it's not sustainable. And I've noticed that I can be very productive (and sustainably happy) when I let myself follow my intuition. But I've told myself it's not *real* productivity because it's not ... directed or intentional ... grasping for words here. There's this notion that work needs to feel like work that can be crushing when you try to live that way.

How you simplify your technicality is superb

Thanks so much for your videos. Last months I've been trying to let out my Ni more, and it has been feeling so satisfying! Example: I work in a high tech environments, lots of logical thinking. But when discussing a few test plans, I let out: "my intuition tells me this one plan will bring us much more than what we can think of now". Felt really great. It doesn't need to be the argument which settles the deal, but it has a place.

I notice that when i use FE a bit more ill get my feelings hurt alot more as well because some ppl who are toxic try to be mean or take advantage of me, then when im exhausted, i go to TI and spin to a temporary NI-TI loop.

I am a female ENFP and you did a GREAT job articulating the levels of who we are! Thank you!

I really enjoy watching you speak. Creepy sounding, sorry. When you look away to think, I can reflect as well. It’s such a nice flow.

brilliant observation, using functions in improper order, was hurting me. Much thanks Ten.

Great vídeo! Casually I got here once I decided to take a break from my TI working routine. :-)

@RensRoom

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Esteban!

This is tremendously interesting, Ren. I believe I have been having a slight problem with Fe use lately-in part, perhaps, because in moving to a city and becoming more active in a community I have had to over-rely on it for the first time in my life to navigate situations. And because I believe I have a proficiency for Ti over Fe, it has perhaps been all the worse. I definitely believe that I function best when I am allowing myself to make connections and to share those using Fe, rather than seeing myself in over-extraverted terms and using my ability to form intuitive abstract links to supplement that. At other points in my life I also feel I have been in the same situation with respect to Ti-particularly when I have tried to produce primarily analytical work that lacks the kind of spontaneous, lateral and associative thinking I most enjoy. Fantastic video.

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

Wow, thanks for the kind words, Rowan. I am glad to hear that the video resonated with you so much. I think that in some ways we are on the same page in terms of being proficient at Ti, and therefore tempted to "overuse" it on occasion. It's hard not to be tempted to use a function that in some respects seems to be where our added value lies. But you are right, producing primarily analytical work can be tough for an INFJ, even though the insights might be briliant. Call me insane, but I sometimes wonder if that might not be why Wittgenstein's logical works are short, condensed, and divided into brief paragraphs. I've the feeling that he was constantly balancing Ni and Ti.

@rowanstree

5 жыл бұрын

I completely agree. I think that's why his ideas are so prone to misinterpretation (i.e. the positivist reading of his ideas)-he disguised Ni insights as Ti analysis.

Thanks; enjoyed this video. I have been stuck in my Ti for many years. Slowly learning to came back home to Ni.

Sorry if offtop Do any of infj stroll through the city in a strange manner, like you see where people that walk towards you are heading and you walk in such a way so that you'd avoid bumping into them and cause them trouble? Or when you cross a street and a car comes by and you turn your head away so that the driver would think that you're not crossing and continue to drive instead of waiting for you?

@gingeryockey7149

2 жыл бұрын

All the time!

Thanks so much for this explanation and insight. It really helped 🙏🙏

@RensRoom

2 жыл бұрын

You’re welcome Rommy!

Great video!

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you very much, Melody! :)

It's interesting how all INFJ use or learn their functions diferently. My Fe is all or nothing : _Sometimes I get a little connection with a person I don't know at all, during waiting tramway, at supermarket or outside. It's sad, but feel more connection with random people than my own family. _Last saturday, I don't know why, some people talked to me to ask me : "where should I get off to go to supermarket ?"30 secondes after an other woman ask me "This ticket can be use for one person or more ?" How ? How people know and see I will help them ? People always ask to me their way, or whatever thing, as if I know all things. How do they see I know things ? How do they see I am good to guess how all the things work ? _A neighbour, asked me something. Why me ? Whereas there are 24 flats in our building. Is there something in out eyes or what ? As if it was write above my head "I am a nice and benevolent person, I may help you" I am good at logic since childhood. My favorite lesson was geometry and art, and I liked both math and french in CM2 / grade 5. _My mother ESFJ is good at French but not at math (Fe Si Ne Ti), I think the inferior Ti explain that she is not at ease with mathematics. _My father was ISTJ I think, he was good at mathematics but not at French (Si Te Fi Ne) _Me : always being good both French and Mathematics. I remember, I was ashamed, and I felt guilty in 6e/ 6th grade when we did the French and Math big tests, I didn't expect at all to have the best result in the whole class. _My brother was good both at Math and French too, but less attracted to art than me. I think he is weird too but not the same weirdness. We are on 2 differents missundertoodness I think XD If T is related to mathematics/logic, what is related to language/writting ? I think during my childhood I well developped the T, and actually still improve the F and S during adult life, and beginning improve the F, and speaking, and confidence during University in Arts. I know study Arts didn't help me in concret world to find good job after, but It really helped to improve myself, my mind/soul and N, to be more open-minded, even if I was it yet, since always I think. I am better (or more at ease) with my Introverted function Ni Ti, and less with the Extroverted functions Fe Se (for the moment) Balance the Fe is not a easy task. Need to talk and smile, get people at ease, to get connection with people, but not too much, cause if talk too much : feel weird, guilty, ashamed. XD Have driving licence B and 125, but I still didn't get a car or bike, cause I think It's not me, not at ease/comfy with, even if I pretty well drive a car, Intuition tell me : It's dangerous, not you, but other people can drive dangerously, and know the issues a car can have, and the money it cost, etc... I was super creative during childhood. Knowing how to make simple square scoobidou with 4 wires : I done many with diferents shapes : triangle, pentagone, big square with hole, hexagone. My father said that I had a gift for drawing, whereas for me it is something basic/natural/easy. It just observe, analyse, connect the things, and reproduce. Just NT. Art is maybe a positive Ni-Ti Loop for us. When there is too much people, noise, external stimulis, I am feel not good, not at ease, not comfy XD. I am feel weird to not be at easy during party, comparing to most of other people. Feel at ease when it's quiet, calm, outside, the night, watching animals, cause it's looks like a dream.

An INFJ trying to use Te isn't actually using Te, rather they are using Ti. The function being our blind spot practically forbids us of using it in most situations where any other function would be ruled applicable.

😂😂😂 I'm staring into your soul as you speak 😂😂😂

To just rely on Ni make person pasive and non productive. How i can make money for living?

@Ren’s Room. Infj here. I have ADHD and recently found out after a lot of research that ADD/ADHD can come with ASPERGERS SYNDROME. I am still researching this ongoing. I definitely have aspects of Aspergers which are the highest functioning and highest intelligence on the Autism spectrum. I’m wondering if most INFJS possibly have Aspergers. I would just like ur opinion on this. Thank you so much.

@mandyvincent1439

4 жыл бұрын

Lara, I am infj with a couple of infj friends. We have all three of us been diagnosed as having Asperger's. I have had my psychologist tell me that often our personalty types are often mis-diagnosed, as having Asperger's. Hope this helps.

@OrganizingChaosYoga

2 жыл бұрын

Hey me too. Diagnosed at 27. Infj

I know what normal is. I swing past it all the time. I stole that line from my former roommate. So the Fe is floaty and Ti is like a Vulcan? If someone has the risk taking gene would that help identify type or be outside of that?

@RensRoom

2 жыл бұрын

Not sure Heather, it's possible it would correlate with... extroversion?

This is great

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Sometimes I wonder if I’m an unhealthy INFJ. First of all, I’m not a logical person, which is probably really weird for an INFJ. I can also be naïve sometimes. I also really like philosophy, and I have a bunch of philosophies, but I’m not sure if I’m using ni or ti when I’m doing that. Even though I understand the cognitive functions, I have trouble figuring out which cognitive function I’m using in that moment. I feel like I really need to work on my ti and se, but it’s a huge struggle. There are a few other things I do that I have heard unhealthy INFJ’s do. For example, I have horrible concentration especially when it comes to things I have to do that I’m not interested in. I also fidget and daydream a lot, so it could be a sign of ADD. I also don’t really pay that much attention to my surroundings (or at least I think I don’t.) Another thing is that I care what people think about me, which is an unhealthy INFJ thing. I’m also indecisive and change my mind a lot. (But not always because I knew what I wanted to do for a job since 13, and never changed my mind about it even though I’ve been told I would.) I also sometimes go along with something that I know isn’t right, which is a sign of not using fi and using unhealthy fe. I also saw a picture of a scale of unhealthy to healthy INFJ’s, and I could relate to the ones in the middle. So maybe I’m in between being healthy and unhealthy.

yes but I am sure that if and INFJ is an ambivert it doesn't mean the person is unhealthy. I think anyone who is depressed, happy or extatic - if ther are-took the test they would not be infj each time... I think all types operate in reverse sometimes and especially when they deal with depression... for example depressed infj can come out as a different type... intp or istj or whatever... what do you think?

@stephanvillavicencio5679

5 жыл бұрын

I think you bring up a good point: MBTI test results can change over a short amount of time (even by changes in mood). While the MBTI test might not seem reliable, I do think that it is a good starting point. You might be able to identify yourself with an MBTI type when you "test yourself" over time. Disclaimer: I am not a psychology expert, but a psychology enthusiast (I read and learn as a hobby). My expertise is in a related field (human biology, epidemiology, public health)

Dishevelled look, it's your best one Ren , just saying.

Hi Ren...I have to think about your Fe commentary 😳 because I don't agree with what you have said. For me, an INFJ, I naturally feel at peace when using Fe, and Ni is running in the background all the time. It comes so naturally that I don't feel a shift from one function to another...they are all working at once it feels like. Hmm, like I said, I'm going to need time to think sbout this 😉💕

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

Hi Sandie, thanks for your comment! Disagreement is a good thing, anyway :) From it a discussion can emerge. In light of your comment, I'm going to rewatch the video, though. I did not want to make it sound like using Fe was unhealthy. It is certainly healthy to navigate the world with Fe. I guess I wanted to express the idea that relying on Fe as dominant was the unhealthy approach.

@tinyyellowtree4076

5 жыл бұрын

I think there is a difference in the type of Fe. Harmonizing Fe will b e depleting after a while. Sure I just slip into it but I need to get away eventually. Creative Fe is more than sustainable, it is an energizing flow.

do not watch if you have misophonia

Spot on on me.

Curious what is your type ?

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

INFJ :)

So just to clarifyy for future reference Jung described himself most likely as an INTP. If you have some evidence other than "it just making sense for him to be an INFJ"(I totally agree to be honest, I can see it) I'd love to see it. Or maybe you can describe in detail why you believe that; I'd appreciate it

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

Hi Zachary, you're definitely right that this isn't exactly evidence for Jung being INFJ! Let me ponder this a bit more, and hopefully I can make a video on the topic.

@Magicalpow1

5 жыл бұрын

@@RensRoom Sounds wonderful :)

We all know what your saying

I have seen items about INFJ attributes. If I am not one, then I am something else with identical attributes. But I find your items hard to follow because you use JARGON which sends me often to GOOGLE to interpret. I feel you might have explained the meaning for each at least once.

@RensRoom

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah I'm sorry, I do use some jargon although I think that in my most recent videos I use it less. Maybe check them out?

The only thing I learned from this is the Briggs Myers categorization is seriously flawed and now has to have an inordinate number is sub categories to make sense. How about all people are unique and nobody will ever be the same. That makes everybody special. And the way out of anything is talking about it. Something that we have forgot how to do....

@slick_Ric

4 жыл бұрын

the fact that is has subclassifications lends it more credence than anything; the more vaguely a system describes people, the less reliable it is when it comes to individual cases. however there is deep/real astrology, which is just a trap to make your whole world revolve around it, and for certain people types WILL ruin their minds. but MBTI is deep yet simple enough to use for checking yourself from time to time (for which videos like this are a blessing) and just let it go and move on with life. if this is your opinion of it i recommend either studying it more, or forgetting about it. as for the common cop-out of "everyone is an individual and this pseudo psych stuff isn't real", well, it works plenty well for a lot of us, so carry on