Thank you for watching! I look forward to reading your observations on today's etiquette chat. Thank you to Ritual for bringing us today's video ritual.com/DAILYC with code DAILYC gives 10% off the first 3 months. And regarding the rude questions... remember my advice at the end of the video... solidarity :) Love, Jennifer

@nmcnschrock

3 жыл бұрын

I hope you will do that video about ways to have a pleasant conversation with people you are just meeting soon.

A Russian etiquette teacher, said that a good response to question how old are you, is it changes every year. I like that response.

@gayemarianesfox2405

3 жыл бұрын

Haha, good one!

@DewberryHillFarm

3 жыл бұрын

Golden!!! 👏🏼👏🏼

@AngelissimaASMR

3 жыл бұрын

Love it! My problem is that its my 4 year old who keeps asking me this question lately in front of others lol

@eunicegyimah8197

3 жыл бұрын

@@AngelissimaASMR mine too..

@user-bayan88

3 жыл бұрын

😂

I once read that when Audrey Hepburn would be confronted with an intrusive question in an interview, she would pause, smile and say "what an interesting question" and leave it at that. Generally the interviewer would get the idea and move on. Not every question needs to be answered and I love this tip from the most poised woman.

@donnag7908

3 жыл бұрын

Wow! I love that! No wonder I love Audrey Hepburn!

@Jessica_Jones

3 жыл бұрын

Brilliant. I'm saving that response! lol

@evelynmom2902

3 жыл бұрын

Love this! I’m using this!

@aliciamaria2730

2 жыл бұрын

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 brilliant

@crystalgrose

2 жыл бұрын

That’s so very true! Not all answer need a response.

My new mantra which covers a lot areas in life is : you’re not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

@HLB512

3 жыл бұрын

I had my children (twins) at 44. I get asked all the time ‘are you the grandmother or mother’. People, if in doubt always assume mother. If you’re wrong you’re giving the grandmother a compliment.

@alphanotmale1847

3 жыл бұрын

Wow! I love that!!!!

@HLB512

3 жыл бұрын

@@tirakindler1 yes, but if someone is being rude I’m not going out of my way to be polite just to diffuse the situation.

@sherrylechaton6924

3 жыл бұрын

Love this!

@kristinolan7240

3 жыл бұрын

Omgoodness I LOVE that ❤

Over and over the same women at work would tell me , “You’re too skinny!” until one day I quietly asked “Too skinny for what?” They stopped badgering me and I did not have to be rude.

@ElisabethMiller

3 жыл бұрын

Had been skinny all My life, happy and confident the way i am, but so often people (Most often older people) thought they should comment about " wow you eat not enough" and that i am so skinny or what ever. Its really annoying.

@Rosie_C

3 жыл бұрын

Or how about, “You don’t need to lose weight.” When actually, it would not have been a problem for me to lose 5-10 pounds. Or another one, I recently figured out I have Celiac Disease and one of the symptoms is malnutrition, and multiple people have told me, “well at least you don’t have to worry about being overweight anymore.” Lol, but I like cake!! Overall, I’ve been the skinniest one in all groups of life for most of my life and I’ve decided to just appreciate that it’s easy for me to control my weight. People are just jealous and wish they were easily not overweight. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@ElisabethMiller

3 жыл бұрын

@@Rosie_C yes i feel like so many people think while its rude to say something about the weight of overweight people it would be okay to talk about the weight of someone skinny😒

@stolendreamscatcher

3 жыл бұрын

Awesome answer. Also I like to say (when the comment is about something "too much" "or too little") f.e. "Too skinny in comparison to what?". Because that comment comes from comparison which is in itself totally unnecessary and should be avoided. People are sooo not aware of making comparisons every day about everything and comparisons divide people and relationships.

@jaimezuniga4702

3 жыл бұрын

Just today I walked by a neighbor’s house and she said I was getting too skinny and my husband wouldn’t have anything to grab onto soon!

I've worked with the public almost my entire life and anytime I get a question that is rude or too personal I simply respond with "why do you ask?" Most of the time people say "no reason" and then I let it drop. It works really well!

@KristaHarrisSB

3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking the same thing... that the best way to respond to a rude question would be to ask why they would ask. I don’t have any experience doing this, but it seems like it would be an effective way to respond.

@aroundthemiddle2112

3 жыл бұрын

Yea, I’ve also done this. Sometimes they will have a reason that might open up further discussion. “How much did you pay for your house?” “Why do you ask?” “Well, we are looking at houses and I am wondering if the ones we have seen are overpriced.” Ah. Then I can say, “well, we bought ten years ago so of course it was a lot less, but you’re right, the prices have gone up so much! This is such a sellers market, isn’t it?”

@jenniferb.7250

3 жыл бұрын

I have used this one too and coached my daughters to do the same.

@denisebiendarra5996

3 жыл бұрын

I do this too!

@daisybuchanan5378

3 жыл бұрын

I say “ Ah, I’ve never been asked that before ... why do you ask ?” It highlights that they are way out there for asking.

To me, equally as rude is when you’re talking to someone and they ONLY talk about themselves and ask nothing about you.

@thestraightroad305

3 жыл бұрын

I have been guilty of that, to my shame.

@rfrances830

3 жыл бұрын

There are many women out there who have alot of questions to ask me but choose not to divulge anything about themselves!!

@julief634

3 жыл бұрын

@Nstink Yea, you're probably a narc.

@torrie5882

2 жыл бұрын

I prefer that to intrusive questions or interrogation.

@alinabelousova

2 жыл бұрын

That's called conversational mooching. Another extreme is one-uppers.

I have three boys and people have asked if I was going to try and get a girl. This is so hurtful. It implies my boys are not enough for our family OR our family is incomplete OR I'm missing out. I had five years of repeated heartbreak between my first and last two children. The fact that they are here is a miracle. This happens with people who have all girls as well.

@TheDailyConnoisseur

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, we had that question when we only had girls too...

@abowling5759

3 жыл бұрын

A most rude question! Very sorry you had to go through that.....It’s feels as though people want to “make you over “. I had a friend one day ask me why was I married for so long and didn’t have a “family “ yet. Oh, well.....was definitely a disappointing experience to hear that.

@abowling5759

3 жыл бұрын

@Haley Manning great comeback!

@lottie1144

3 жыл бұрын

@@josephinesmith3131 The majority of these questions that people are offended by are just “conversation starters” and the person asking the question are not trying to be rude. People are offended so easily and that is Not chic.

@vanessaa9649

3 жыл бұрын

I always receive this question. I’ve always said god blessed me with my sweet boys and they give me such love. This is hard for me. I am extremely close to my mom and my aunt we are thick as thieves so it does hurt bc I would love to have a relationship with a daughter...others don’t think of this. Also the odds were stacked against me. My husbands family has no girls & I was the only one in my family. LOL

I’m a biracial woman that is so tired of being asked about my ethnicity. It often makes me feel like a freak in a zoo…as the next move after the question is usually followed by inappropriate petting or touching of my hair. When asked, I usually say that I’m human. Bravo for discussing this. It warms my heart.

@donnag7908

3 жыл бұрын

Ugh!!! Don't get me going about the hair touching! I tell people, "Admire but Do Not touch my hair!" They may get insulted but there's such a thing as boundaries.

@aliciamaria2730

2 жыл бұрын

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

@AspenT91

2 жыл бұрын

The question does not drive me crazy but the touching of my hair would I've have only had that happen a handful of times but not since I was maybe in 9th grade at least not without people asking.

@justinehall6884

Жыл бұрын

I Get this too!!! people touching my hair is so repulsive to me I have the urge to slap them! I started saying that I got all mixed up like a milkshake from eating too many oreo cookies the look on their faces!

I always tell my kids that we don’t comment on someone’s appearance in any way unless we are %100 sure that person would like to hear it. “You look beautiful in that color.” “I love your scarf.” Those types of things are okay, but literally nothing else is!

@MelindaPlainandSimple

3 жыл бұрын

A former co-worker came into the office one morning all in a flutter. Ranting. She was offended because on her way in "some random woman" said she liked her purse. I couldn't figure out what the problem was until she said, "She doesn't even know me!" I guess it's rude to speak to a stranger or to pay them a compliment. I, on the other hand, thought it was sweet when some "random" woman at the mall complimented my hair. I was totally flattered and called my niece, who does my hair, to let her know. It made my day.

@themamabearlife3339

3 жыл бұрын

@@MelindaPlainandSimple That's crazy for her to get so offended by a compliment! Some people are so overly sensitive and make drama where there is none...

@danitapowell2291

3 жыл бұрын

I remember explaining to my young son, that if we comment on someone’s appearance it could hurt their feelings. He sort of learned the lesson, as we were in a restaurant when a man came in with an unusual hairstyle. My son replied, l see someone who if I said something it might hurt his feelings. 🤦‍♀️

@MelindaPlainandSimple

3 жыл бұрын

@@danitapowell2291 That's so cute

@MelindaPlainandSimple

3 жыл бұрын

@@themamabearlife3339 I totally agree with you

My children are mixed race and they get asked 'what's your makeup?'. When my daughter was about 6/7 a supermarket checkout guy said 'She's your mum? There must have been a mix up at the hospital'. What an irresponsible thing to say to a child.

@carolthomas8528

3 жыл бұрын

What on earth was your reaction ? It was a terrible thing to say.

@rebeccafalkner2876

3 жыл бұрын

This is so awful 😞 completely irresponsible

@donnag7908

3 жыл бұрын

Ugh! What a nasty thing to say to a child! I'm constantly amazed at the stupid stuff people say to children.

@GunShyGymnast

3 жыл бұрын

Mixed race here too - I used to get asked if I was wearing panty hose. 🤨 I’m constantly asked about my kids, “Are they all yours?” 🙁 That’s supermarket guy is awful.

@evelyncarrasquillo2282

3 жыл бұрын

That is what I call, "an idiot."

Well said. I think the key is to not be easily offended and answer with grace (whether it's deserved or not).

@sarahd1706

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, there is a plague taking offense, & I'm doing what I can to not choose to be offended. I love this videos topic more to know how to have appropriate responses & boundaries.

@sarahd1706

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, there is a plague taking offense, & I'm doing what I can to not choose to be offended. I love this videos topic more to know how to have appropriate responses & boundaries.

@perezsisters100

2 жыл бұрын

Assume goodwill. We all misstep, I know i do.

Jennifer, you're so polite and you are absolutely correct, never respond with rudeness. If you respond with rudeness you're just coming down to their level. People should be so grateful for your channel because MOST of the people I come in contact with these days are RUDE AND CLUELESS. Thank you Jennifer for all your hard work and dedication in putting this very LADY LIKE CHANNEL TOGETHER. THIS WORLD NEEDS A LOT MORE OF JENNIFER L. SCOTT, CLASS, AND MANNERS.💕x

@TheDailyConnoisseur

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Penny! ♥️

@lauraneaves6912

3 жыл бұрын

So agreed!!!

@peggycarey5057

2 жыл бұрын

Well said! Bravo! Thank you Jennifer!

The world needs more influencers like you!

@TheDailyConnoisseur

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! ♥️

I had all sons, and people would say, in front of the boys,” I bet they are a handful “. I knew people meant well, but I would always so, No they are a real blessing

@elizabethnichols2284

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! I have four boys and the questions and comments people make*in front of them* are so unnecessary.

@kaiwindingwest

3 жыл бұрын

5 sons and people always asked why they weren't in 'sports' instead of science, music, life...

@lisatummers620

2 жыл бұрын

I know I’m very late to this conversation, but I just want to share that when people made the “they must be a handful” about our four children, my husband and I would reply, “We may have our hands full, but our hearts are so much fuller. We are abundantly blessed.” This was always accompanied by a big smile. We felt that always gave the right message to both the commenters and our children.

@danitapowell2291

2 жыл бұрын

@@lisatummers620 , excellent!

People need to ask themselves why they feel entitled to this personal information about other people’s lives.

@skulltaylor1616

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!!

@sssssssssuv

3 жыл бұрын

That's how people get to know about each other.

I'm so glad you say the other person is rude, and not how much you are offended. The spirit of offense is rampant in the world today.

My favorite response to any rude or nosy question is to simply say “why do you ask?” And smile. There is always an awkward silence after as they attempt to find a way to explain their rude or nosy question and it’s quite entertaining to watch. Even if they’ve explained it I just simply answer “oh OK” or “Interesting”And change the subject as if they did not ask. We do not owe people information about ourselves.

@treasuringpricelesstime5962

3 жыл бұрын

My parents worked at the same place of employment for many years, and basically taught me that lesson...that they learned the hard way. Just because people ask, doesn't mean the are entitled to the info. They're requesting. There's an art to getting your point across without being rude yourself though.

Many years ago when shopping with my mother who had just had a hip replacement, she was accosted by an angry woman in the department store lavatory. My mother had just exited the handicapped stall when the woman snarled “Are you handicapped ?” My mother smiled and said sweetly “Why, yes!” The other woman backed right down in the face of such politeness.

@brooklynleads9333

3 жыл бұрын

I don't know why it is someone's business what stall do you use, that's your personal matter.

@nemo7782

3 жыл бұрын

To be honest, if there are no handicapped people in immediate need of the stall and the other[s] are occupied, I do use it. I also try to be as quick as possible about it in case someone handicapped does come in. It really is NOBODY'S business if you use it or not.

@MS-bs8dd

2 жыл бұрын

I love your mother’s response and demeanor!

@tfeya777

Жыл бұрын

I always say that it is handicap accessible, not handicap exclusive. Even if there is a line, the handicap person can wait just like all the other people, and if someone is so kind as to let them ahead, that is just that, an act of kindness and not the entitlement of the handicapped person.

@margaretl579

10 ай бұрын

It depends. If that's the only stall they can use, they could be waiting an awful long time before it becomes available if there's a line. My daughter usually can't wait, and we need the extra room. Accordingly, I myself try not to use the stall for disabled people if she's not with me.

A woman once commented in front of my young children, " they definately don't have the same father. " I wasn't present but my teenaged niece responded, "they definately do have the same father." Incredibly rude and hurtful! One has dark hair and eyes and the other, at the time, had hazel eyes and blonde hair(which got darker as she got older). She apparently had never learned biology or manners!

There’s the saying, “Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” In the same spirit, when asked an unwanted question, “Curiosity on your part does not mandate a response on mine.” When an unwanted question is posed to me, I’ve responded by asking, “What makes you ask?” It’s a friendly way to keep the conversation going while guarding my privacy.

"What are you mixed with?" sounds like an ice cream order.

@amberkeever8565

3 жыл бұрын

When I was in my early twenties a man kept asking me that and I just told him a mutt 😂 I deflected because it seemed like an opening into flirting. It threw him off 😂 usually I don’t mind being asked unless it seems for a reason other than getting to know me.

@karendavidson5455

3 жыл бұрын

Or a dog!

@sarahd1706

3 жыл бұрын

I say I'm a chocolate vanilla swirl🍦

@sarahd1706

3 жыл бұрын

@@karendavidson5455 I should say Foxhound & Chihuahua--Foxhuahua 😂 JK, I won't😂 (I'm of British & Mexican descent.)

@denasharpe2393

3 жыл бұрын

But it doesn't feel that way..

I always find that those asking rude questions might have gotten the "answers" in time if they just got to know those people in a normal process. We ask these questions because we are part of a culture that "needs to know" every possible thing, when really, if we desire to know people and have any understanding, we would just be patient in our relationships. If I want to tell you parts of my story, just wait for me to initiate that - OR, ask appropriate questions that could lend the opportunity for me to go further if I choose. Great topic!

@TheDailyConnoisseur

3 жыл бұрын

Sooo true. Yes!

@gabbysambienceofrivers4813

3 жыл бұрын

💯!

@gabbysambienceofrivers4813

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheDailyConnoisseur OMG! Exactly! You and me think and know just alike! Especially when you said the ones that do go out of their way to be rude and you can tell and feel the specific energy, and Yes they do know when they are being like this. Thanks for being honest, finally someone else that knows truth. I be awkwardly thinking/feeling I'm the only one. You know like man it's hard to find other people like you and me who do indeed get it, and understand specifically.

@inspiringsimple

3 жыл бұрын

I’ve actually been too scared to even watch these videos as I have 10 children (born close together). I could write a book!

@deirdremeyburgh4391

3 жыл бұрын

@@inspiringsimple I understand completely! I have 5. I hear 'Didn' t you have any tv back then? ' all the time!

Question I am often asked (and find rather rude) “When will you be buying a bigger house?” We are a family of 5 living in a 1200 square foot home with no plans on moving.

@daisybuchanan5378

3 жыл бұрын

Very wise - we made the same choice so I could stay home with our children. People made assumptions but we made our own decisions, differently than many of our friends. Twenty years later we’re very pleased with the results.

@Amgirl03

3 жыл бұрын

Yes this is rude.. we had 8 children ( eldest passed away).. and I disliked getting this question... or statement.. It is a worldy mentality as well. I feel the west is quite preoccupied with material possesions and appearances.

@asc3998

3 жыл бұрын

A reply that was suggested to me could cover many if not all questions, "I'm curious why you would ask that".

@elizabethbednarcik3311

3 жыл бұрын

Love this!

@homemakingwithmarissa

3 жыл бұрын

@@daisybuchanan5378 Thank you, Daisy. We feel so confident in our decision to be content with the modest home size (and price) we have. I appreciate hearing your perspective on this!

As an introvert who feels my social skills are poor, I am so terrified of asking an intrusive or rude question accidentally, that I often don't know what to say when I meet new people. I do relatively ok when people ask me questions. I can typically answer fairly well. Though very many rapid-fire inquiries and I feel overwhelmed. Obviously, I don't like rude questions very much, but I have observed I am hesitant to ask any question at all when trying to get to know people. I rather fear saying the wrong things and tend to opt for quiet. However, being quiet means I get to know fewer people and I feel awkward. I do think some folks are in the opposite world and have absolutely no filter at all. For myself, I wish I could think of things that are okay to ask that are extremely low risk of being intrusive. I never wish to be rude.

@bethreisman8869

3 жыл бұрын

Well said. There are all kinds of people. Some have nimble tongues and thoughts, others so not. Kindness can be in short supply these days.

@smarteam5920

3 жыл бұрын

Well, it’s getting a bit crazy, anything can be rude to someone, we are all getting so sensitive, that it’s just safer to only talk about the weather! I don’t care if people ask what I do, I don’t care if people ask where I’m from, I don’t care if people say “ oh one of each a boy and girl that’s perfect!” Anything that I consider rude, I just smile and either answer or don’t answer I don’t dwell on it forever. Like someone else commented we can all be clumsy at times and that’s okay

@MinPinSteve

3 жыл бұрын

My advice would be to make a list of questions you are ok with people asking you and go from there. I find practicing beforehand really helps with social situation meeting new people.

@evelynmom2902

3 жыл бұрын

I’m the same way! It’s so hard to meet new people.

@jo-annebotha9609

2 жыл бұрын

One good question to ask a stranger is: What do you most like to do in your time off? You can even add what you yourself like doing. People enjoy talking about their hobbies and it provides a much better connection point with others than to ask about their job.

Hi Jennifer, I’ve often being asked “what are you?”. I try to make light of it and have answered “I’m all American, e pluribus unum”, or “I’m mostly Goddess with mermaid” and just laugh.

@purpledeer1

3 жыл бұрын

I'm mostly goddess with mermaid is a delightful response!! i love it!

@DeannaPiercy

3 жыл бұрын

That is such a fabulous answer. :)

@jaimezuniga4702

3 жыл бұрын

I am of mostly Swedish descent and my husband is Mexican and our children get a lot of questions about what are they. Often people start guessing islander or something… I don’t think they mind but hopefully it doesn’t wear on them as it continues to occurs over time.

@AdventureswithAmirah

3 жыл бұрын

💜🧜🏻‍♀️💕🧜🏻‍♀️💜

I used to get the “when are you planning on having children” question all the time. I used to tell people we are enjoying our time together and we will be blessed with children at the right time. My husband and I have been together 9 years and our first child arrived this spring, and I am very grateful we waited and had that extra time together and now we are truly loving being parents. Wonderful video with useful reminders.

@safetylesfeldyfan1087

3 жыл бұрын

I really like your answer. Having a child is not like turning on a switch and boom, one is pregnant. This had a fantastic balance of many different factors.

@Erin_29

3 жыл бұрын

We are waiting to have a baby too. This year will be 4 years married. We used to be asked whens the baby coming often from friends. Now they don't ask anymore. I just find it annoying and a sensitive topic. Some people have trouble getting pregnant, or can't. A lot of my friends got pregnant right away after getting married, so it felt like it was just the "thing."

@ELDELD

3 жыл бұрын

We chose to wait four years before trying for children and I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. They were fun and carefree, and gave us time to learn about each other. 😀🤍

I hate telling people how many children we have. We have 11. As soon as people find out, people have a tendency to start the invasive questions… Why so many? All with the same father? Are any adopted? People-none of your business for any of these questions. We just met and you don’t need to know. I used to wear AirPods to the grocery store when I was pregnant because I hated the conversations. I’m not ashamed. I’m private and I feel I go to a rude place when I’m pushed so I avoided the possibility. I’m not saying it was right, but introverts must practice self care. Secondly, when someone hears I have 11 children, it suddenly defines me. Like that’s all I am. No one cares to ask me about me…just about my kids and our hectic life and how expensive things are and does my husband have a good enough job. Thanks for asking; I like going to the beach, shopping, and reading. Anyway. I don’t ever treat anyway with rudeness, and I extend grace because I think people don’t mean anything. But it is very frustrating.

@uptownsunni3560

3 жыл бұрын

@Kate Schroeder, please don't take this the wrong way, but I often ask people "what do you do with your free time?" and I don't think that would be appropriate with you. So often we (ok... I) make small talk by rote, always asking the same questions in the same order. It's an effort to try to make contact with the person in front of you and I'm not always up to making the effort. The sorry thing is I'd love to talk about the beach, shopping and reading.

My husband is a career soldier. We had this discussion the other day. Anytime soldiers meet one another, they ALWAYS ask some variation of - What is your job in the military and what unit are you in. This is NOT to size one another up. It gives them a point of reference to start a conversation on equal footing that may eventually lead to a more intimate conversation about family, lifestyles, hobbies, etc. The latter topics are intimacies that MUST be earned, they are not given freely. However, the big caveat is this - they rarely ask another person's rank outside of their immediate workspace and out of uniform. THAT is where the person is trying to size up the other person. Rank shouldn't matter when you're trying to have polite conversation at an uninvolved third-parties home.

@nicolepettit5120

3 жыл бұрын

My Filipino relatives find it offensive when someone immediately asks “what do you do?” but when we were overseas in the Philippines it was common for other people to immediately ask my age. This had a practical purpose because younger people are supposed to respect their elders and also call them proper titles.

Thank you for addressing this topic Jennifer. Concerning what I’m about to say, I don’t get asked rude questions but people make rude assumptions about me because of my name. Even as I write this I can sense other commenters will be laughing or sneering behind their screens. I’m not going to hide my name, it really is Karen, I like it and the true meaning of it. I’ve had personal attacks in the comments of other people’s videos from random people; I have no idea who they are, obviously. But would anyone say, and I’m quoting one comment directly, “your name says it all 🤣🤣”. to my face? Probably not but I wonder what goes on in their heads when they hit send! I’m nothing like the monstrous caricature that some people seem to assume and I don’t invite other people’s bad manners either! That’s what it amounts to anyway, other people being rude at someone else’s expense. KZread is rife with it. If someone wants to name their bad tempered spitting emu Karen, then fine, have a laugh. However, when anyone makes nasty insinuations, that I don’t need to spell out here, well, that rudeness isn’t coming from me. So, although I haven’t been asked rude questions since before I had children (when a work colleague persisted in asking me, when was I going to get on with it?), this is another level of rudeness. It makes me feel just as inferior. I’ll delete this comment in a few days in case I get trolled.

@TheDailyConnoisseur

3 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad you wrote this. I hate the Karen insinuations in pop culture. It's a beautiful name and personally some of the most elegant people I know are named Karen! Thanks for your comment.

@sarahburke8955

3 жыл бұрын

My mother in law is also named Karen! She has had the same experience on social media, of people sneering and using the "Karen" meme to be insulting. She is one of the kindest, funniest laid back people you could ever meet, so the irony is rich. I know she'll be so glad when that stupid meme dies out!

@Karen-ve6ds

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheDailyConnoisseur Thank you so much Jennifer. You just made my day!

@valentinemux

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!! This makes me so mad! It is just horrible! Thank you for commenting!

@KarenDGobsmacked

3 жыл бұрын

Oh, Karen....I so identify with this. My given name is Karen also, and I'm in my 50's and so it has become such a joke for people to make "karen" jokes about me....I find it extremely insulting as I don't believe that I behave in the caricature of a "karen" at all.

Oh how I miss my grandmother. She was the epitome of class, Grace and humility all at the same time. As I look back on so many instances when she could have let loose but never ever did. Thank you for all of these posts, we need more of it in the world.

I’m horrified “where did you get him?” I’m speechless 😶

@stefaniemedina14

3 жыл бұрын

How much did you pay for him???!!! Unreal!

@amybee40

3 жыл бұрын

One could answer "the stork brought him, of course. Don't YOU know where babies come from?"

@mls6684

2 жыл бұрын

That question sounds like you just adopted a thorough bred from a breeder! How rude!

I have a birth skin “defect”, a port wine stain that runs unevenly all over my left side. I realize it’s not a common thing to see, but jeez… “what happened to you!?” (in various inflections) or “who did that to you!?” (Yes, really)… as a kid it was terrible. I handle it now, in fact I love my mark, but inside I still get a little flustered.

@amybee40

3 жыл бұрын

That's a tough one. Good for you for coming to terms with it.

People in my family tend to look younger than their age. At work, my sister was sometimes asked how old she was and she would answer, "how old to you think I am?" When they answered (it's was always less), she would reply, "Good guess", no matter what they said.

@sarahd1706

3 жыл бұрын

I had a woman ask my age & I told her (40), & she felt HORRIBLE for asking. She promised me she only asked cause she thought I was a school kid😂

"You don't see what the problem is because you don't deal with it" YES! What a simple and wonderfully concise way to express that!

@jkniederberger5390

3 жыл бұрын

And this is true of so much of what is happening in our country, and has been happening since its founding. People haven't experienced x, y, or z, so they don't think it's a problem.

@brianaschmickle9562

3 жыл бұрын

I used to get the “what are you?” question too. 😡 And now my son gets “wow, you are small.” He’s always been at the 50%ile, but now that friends are getting their growth spurt at 13, there is more of a divide. Other kids tell him he looks years younger than his age. 😖 How should he respond to peers and others who say this? My Momma heart is hurting.

@jkniederberger5390

3 жыл бұрын

@@brianaschmickle9562 awww. Poor guy. My kids were always between 5 & 25th%, and my daughter is 5'2" & my son is 5'7". They seem to have developed strong personalities to make up for their small stature. Good luck to your son.

@anitas5817

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! Brilliant.

@themamabearlife3339

3 жыл бұрын

I actually do get most of the questions. So I do deal with it. I just don't assume the worst in people and assume they have some type of ill intent.

We have seven children, and yes, we wanted a big family. The questions I would constantly get were so rude that in a dark humor way, became funny. Do you not know about birth control, how can you afford so many children, or don't you know how babies are made?? Well, I have a master's degree in nursing, so I actually know the answers to these questions, lol! I tend to feel sorry for people who either don't have manners or have their own personal problems, so I would usually give a small smile and look away....

@deannajunkin3696

3 жыл бұрын

Yep. I have heard all of those. I really dislike "You sure have your hands full" for some reason.

@alliebennett555

3 жыл бұрын

Omg…we had 6 and I got so tired of those comments. My husband worked and eventually I worked, raised our children without any financial help. We were never materialistic so we had the means to afford our kids.

@user-ex1ps6iq7l

3 жыл бұрын

Classy response!@

@charitymeyer9903

3 жыл бұрын

@@deannajunkin3696 I always respond “ better full then empty” with a smile. I think it helps people see it from a different perspective without being rude. But yes I feel that bit of irritation every time I hear it.😊

@lifewithlarsandsusie8315

3 жыл бұрын

I have 9 and also get a kick out of the funny comments I get!

In regards to the question, “What do you do for a living?”; not only do some people not want to share this but it also continues promoting the idea that someone’s value is mostly in what they produce or what title they hold. Or, that some jobs are more esteemed than others and therefore the person.

@victoriawinters2468

3 жыл бұрын

Also, some people have good jobs that do not reflect anything about them.

@evelyncarrasquillo2282

3 жыл бұрын

I was once asked by the head of another department, "How did you get your job?" I quickly picked up on the tone of voice which was more like, "Why you of all people?" It seems this person had recommended somebody and they did not get the position. I recollected myself and then answered. "If I told you, you would not believe it!" Which is true. (Divine intervention) She quickly picked up I wasn't going to say anything more than that.

@nohram.bernal7449

2 жыл бұрын

“What do you do for a living?” "I breathe. And you?"

When I am asked "what do you do?" I just say "I am a kept woman." It is met with quite response. 😊 In my early 20's I would be asked by great aunts (one in particular) by them saying, "You ain't got married yet?" Keep in mind, these ladies were born late 19th century & early 20th century in rural north Alabama/ southern Tennessee. If ou are in your late teens and do not seem to be headed to the altar, something is wrong. Well the last time I was asked that question (I was about 24 and at a family reunion) I looked at that aunt and replied, "No ma'am, I ain't had to yet." I never got asked that question again. I know, neither responses are classy, but they sure fun! And it is fun to watch their response.

@missbennett85

3 жыл бұрын

LOL!! I grew up in a nearby state and I can imagine some of my aunts asking similiar questions!

@loriwong6173

3 жыл бұрын

I just love this! I hope you don't mind if I steal the "kept woman " response, I think it would raise more than a few eyebrows.

@missyslittlethingsinlife1920

3 жыл бұрын

@@loriwong6173 please do! I used it just 2 weeks ago. LOL!

@labornurse

3 жыл бұрын

My grandma who was born in '22 once called my older sister a "spinster" when she wasn't married at 23! We live in Southern ky.

@missyslittlethingsinlife1920

3 жыл бұрын

@@labornurse LOL! That is the way it was when I was growing up. BTW, I was 33 when I married. My grandma had just given up on me. So had all of my great aunts. LOL!

Instead of asking someone what they do for a living, I like to ask “What keeps you busy these days?”

@amybee40

3 жыл бұрын

I like that! Then the person asked can take it any direction that they'd like to.

@ChiaraFrancioli

2 жыл бұрын

This! It has so much potential to open up meaningful conversations... It would never occur to me to talk about my job (which does keep me very busy). Bouts of decluttering would come to my mind, nesting after pregnancy, dog training anecdotes, something I am learning about, a special gift I am looking for...

I look forward to your video on conversation topics. I find "small talk" so challenging being an introvert.

@eunicegyimah8197

3 жыл бұрын

Yes that will be a good topic.how to make small talk and converstaion starters and avoiding the intrusive questions..@dailyconnoisseur

@westaussieeggs8867

3 жыл бұрын

to be honest I like to be an observer at social gatherings, sometimes it would make a good read. I sit and listen, though there was a time somebody close to me said that i was like a stunned mullet at parties. People usually like to talk about themselves, the rude questions they ask are usually a point where they can start telling their life story. Also the question "what do you do for a living?" I am a medical practitioner so I avoid answering that question as I will be followed and asked for medical advice "look I have this leasion on my tummy" and they expose themselves... I usually answer " I am a cleaner" and I am left in peace.

@evelyncarrasquillo2282

3 жыл бұрын

@@westaussieeggs8867 A stunned mullet?! LOL. I once got told straight to my face that I would NEVER be the life of the party! I made no reply, no defensive argument. Yes, I felt like a stunned mullet!

When my twins were newborns, I would take them for a walk in the stroller. I gave birth at age 44. A neighbor whom I had never met tore out of her house and rushed down to the street and asked me, "Hi, I''m ___________, are these yours?" I said, "I sure hope so!" She stammered and said there were a lot of nannies in the neighborhood and that was why she asked. I just smiled and said nothing. She complimented them and offered assistance if I ever needed it. I thanked her and went on my way. Over the years I would see her at neighborhood functions and she was a nice person, but very crass. She meant no harm, she was just clueless.

Jennifer, I love your passion for this topic. So many wonderful points made. My husband gets very annoyed when people ask him what he does for a living as well, after watching your last video I asked him why. He said “because people might assume things about you based on what you do and it’s not the most important thing about me.” I found his response so interesting because he has a great job and title and one could assume good things about him from it but he totally thinks it’s a rude way of sizing someone up, assuming how much he makes or his education level. I never ask someone what they do, I’ve had friends for 10+ years and still don’t know what they do, but I know what they love to do (cook, thrift, craft, paint, sketch) I think it’s kind of better to know what they love rather than what they do as a job. Hearing what other people say is very interesting and so disappointing as well. Another reason why your channel is timely! - Victoria xx

@DewberryHillFarm

3 жыл бұрын

I love this! It’s something I hadn’t thought of. Asking what do you love to do? Vs what do you do for work? I’m filing that one away to use! ✅ thank you 😊

@purpurina5663

3 жыл бұрын

Couldn’t agree more! I have a somewhat high profile position and I’m a lawyer, but gosh that does NOT define me (in fact I’m more of an artistic person, which I hadn’t figured out at college age; and this job came as a total fluke) and it’s crazy what people assume of you. One of those things is that to be there you probably are the “corporate b*tch”. Yeah, no.

Our times really need someone like you to lead and teach a more elegant lifestyle that we can aspire to. Thank you for all you do with this channel and with your books!!

I have been more aware of not asking what someone does for a living after watching your first video. Before, I thought I was being polite by getting to know someone and asking them questions, as opposed to talking about myself. It’s interesting how perception plays a big role in this - how someone may see that as rude or being sized up, others may see that as finding common ground to try to relate.

@ST-lq7er

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. I thought it was a polite way to start a discussion but I’m glad I learned that it is not.

@themamabearlife3339

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, it's all about perspective and how you look at things.

@eleanorsmith7755

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@Cre8edtoshine

3 жыл бұрын

Your perspective makes sense in most cases but please consider those who may have been laid off or had a series of company shut downs. In this case it is the last topic this person would want to discuss with someone they just met!

I am one those people who don’t find these questions rude or intimidating. I homeschooled for 20 years, and we are a military family. I find that most women in either of these lifestyles tend to use those questions to find their niche in the group. One of my dear friends always asks these questions and then proceeds to share with the new woman everyone she can think of who may have something in common with that person. I ask these questions to find something we have in common, and then introduce the woman to anyone I can think of who has shared interests. These videos are a great reminder that not everyone has the same comfort level or openness as others.

I think most of us can tell if a question is asked with sincere interest in YOU. Sometimes we take offense when it is not meant. Our society has become hyper offended by EVERYTHING. IMO

I really like how you mentioned that the people who are asking rude questions are not necessarily being intentionally rude. If we can all assume the best about the people we’re interacting with, it will be so much more pleasant. I want to share an observation, if that’s all right. Many white people in America don’t consider themselves as having any ties to an ethnic group. But it wasn’t always like that. As a young child in Europe, anyone could see in my facial appearance that I was of Polish and Lithuanian descent and not Irish or English or even German or French. Although Germans and English people were considered of the same ethnicity. It’s probably not like that now, with immigration, accepting the intermarrying of different people. But it was once something you could see. This is just something I find interesting. And I think it’s an instinctive question when people see an exotic beauty in front of them to wonder from where these lovely features have come. When we came to America, and people would ask “do you look more like your father or your mother…?” My mother would answer, “She looks like herself.” Strangers asking rude questions was once addressed by Ann Landers (remember her?) she said you could simply say, “Why do you ask?” I have so many stories of the rude questions I myself have asked, ignorantly and innocently, not meaning any harm. And so when someone asks me a question that makes me uncomfortable I might answer with, “that’s kind of a personal question, and I’ll answer it if you like, but I wonder what makes you curious about that?” Oh - also - when I lived in Korea, the Korean ladies groups established a hierarchy by asking the most personal questions. How old are you? The oldest lady automatically was at the top. Are you married and what does your husband do? Do you have children? Do you have boys? Well, I was always the oldest, and I’m married to an engineer (which they respected) and I have two boys. They were so delighted to put me at the head of the luncheon table, I had to try and get used to it. So there are a lot of cultural differences and I hope we are all learning to be polite for the sake of kindness and consideration. You are truly a gem.

@shareyah8

3 жыл бұрын

I agree! Also want to say my family is born and raised American, but my closest ancestry outside of the US is Polish, Welsh, and Lithuanian. I've never heard anyone else say they were Lithuanian 😊 I did have someone tell me I looked like a Lithuanian girl, however 🤷‍♀️

@idahardy4052

3 жыл бұрын

@@shareyah8 It is so interesting and wonderful that someone recognized your ethnic ties to Lithuania! I love it! One time, I visited Puerto Rico with my husband and we went on a tour and the tour guide asked me in Spanish if I was Puerto Rican. I felt like it was a compliment. It was funny to me because how far away is Lithuania from Puerto Rico? but didn’t laugh because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I just said, “oh thank you so much, I wish I was Puerto Rican, the people here are so beautiful and it seems that everyone knows how to dance so nice!” And he smiled a happy smile. So, I think these questions are only rude under certain circumstances. But like Jennifer said, we can carefully handle the rudeness worn grace and ease.

@debraspence3559

2 жыл бұрын

That is so true about cultural differences and it can be quite shocking what is acceptable to ask!

When asked, “What do you do?” I knew someone who would respond, “I run a Tech Support team” instead of, “I’m the VP of Tech Support” because one is his job title and the other is actually what he does.

I have recently retired. People ask "What you do all day?" I am offended at this question. I don't feel it is any of their business. It makes me fill worthless or that I need to justify myself. I now just say, ANYTHING I WANT!!!!!!!

Meeting people and conversation has become so difficult in this day and age. It seems that almost everything can be seen as rude, wrong or politically incorrect. I used to enjoy meeting new people but have become much more reserved and inhibited.

@justynafletcher841

3 жыл бұрын

So true. You could ask five people the same question about themselves and all five of them could find it "rude" on several different levels. 🤷🏻‍♀️ At what point do we just give up? Lol!

@shareyah8

3 жыл бұрын

Agree!

@catherinecox8921

3 жыл бұрын

I have the same problem. I feel like I need to be surrounded by orange barrels and a warning sign..”may ask rude question, approach at your own risk”. The thing is that I love people, but now I’m so afraid of hitting a sensitive area or offending someone, that I feel like I shouldn’t engage in conversation.

It's not appropriate to be rude when responding to a rude question, it's important to be honest or the rude person learns nothing. Saying " know you probably don't intend to be rude, but i find your question intrusive (offensive, nosy) so I'm not going to answer it" turns it into a teaching moment.

@anitas5817

3 жыл бұрын

I think saying “thank you for your interest but that’s private“ makes exactly the same point in a nicer way. It leaves no doubt that you find the question intrusive.

@amybee40

3 жыл бұрын

@@anitas5817 Yes, better not to label. On the other hand, some people just can't take a hint.

@torrie5882

2 жыл бұрын

Many people are totally immune to subtly though…

So true about not responding with rudeness. I remember being very young and insecure and making a disparaging comment about another woman to a casual acquaintance, who replied “She’s actually my best friend.” She didn’t need to say anything more; I felt just so terrible, and it taught me a big lesson.

@Tewkeslady

3 жыл бұрын

That reminds me of a time several years ago. I was volunteering at church with a few other people, and one of the ladies said something about not liking how a particular carpentry job there at the church had turned out, she didn’t like the corners, etc. After she had finished her criticism, she finished up with the standard “know what I mean?” and I answered that I thought it had turned out ok, but that my husband, who had made it, was pretty well pleased with how it turned out. I figured she was going to find out anyway, better to hear it from me right then than a week later from the pastor.

@DewberryHillFarm

3 жыл бұрын

Ouch! Your comment reminded me of a time I had a similar experience. I was so embarrassed and felt just horrible, I wanted to crawl into a hole. It really is a good teacher to mind one’s tongue. And not to speak ill of others to make conversation.

@rebeccar628

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, not only a good reminder to zip it, but also to stop and think “Why am I wanting to say that?” In My case I was unhappy with myself. A tale as old as time!

Thank you, Jennifer. My husband serves as a pastor of an international church in the south of France. Your comment about not leading a conversation with asking what people do, is how the French proceed in their conversations. They find it rude to lead with this question as it then defines people and their social status, and even invades their privacy. They share only those tidbits about themselves as they get to know people and do not overly share. So as my husband and I welcome people into the church, I am weekly putting this habit into practice and trying to find other questions to bring the people into a welcoming space. Thank you for your channel! A breath of fresh, fresh air! ;)

A lady asked me in the nicest way when I was newly pregnant-she said, “Do you have any children?” So polite

If someone ask if my children had the same father, I would say, Yes, we all have the same father, God the Father. Thank you for asking!

Love this! Now I'd love to hear polite questions you'd ask someone or ways to make conversation in a classy way. I think we all need help with that these days!

@TheDailyConnoisseur

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Jessica!

@Honeybee-rw2yp

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! Especially for introverts. 😊

You are a much needed “class act” in our society today. Thank you for what you do! 🙏

"What are you mixed with?" makes it sound like they're talking about a mongrel dog! Very crass.

@amybee40

3 жыл бұрын

Also it makes it sound like some parts of you are you, and other parts are not really you. It's just weird to ask that.

@evelyncarrasquillo2282

3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking more of a cocktail of sorts!

@uptownsunni3560

3 жыл бұрын

@@evelyncarrasquillo2282 Yeah, I thought it might be an attempt at cocktail bar banter. "I've read we're all 79% water"

@evelyncarrasquillo2282

3 жыл бұрын

@@amybee40 I am going to have to say that they truly don't know how else to ask the question because it's not their experience. One cannot relate to something if it's not in their realm of experiences. What I measure most is the tone of voice and inflections they use.

Staggered at the rudeness of the questions! Amazing! You gave sensible responses

I understand why the questions may be classified as rude however…. you also mentioned the person‘s emotional maturity… which also made me think of their social awareness - or lack there of 😉 The older I get the more self aware I’ve become and I wonder if I’ve asked inappropriate questions at times for various reasons… I hope the listener has forgiven me. I hope - now that I’ve been asked many questions that seem inappropriate - that I can continue to take a moment before I respond and consider the where the person asking is coming from. I hope to always choose kindness when I do respond. Not always easy but it is my goal 🤗

I have really enjoyed this series! It's helped me to realize how much I've shared with others just because they ask, even if I don't feel totally comfortable talking about the subject.

Well said. I respond to rude questions with "why would you ask?" OR "My family prefers our privacy, but thank you for asking." They are really just being noisy.

Thank you for sharing this topic . I would love for you to do an episode ( or two !) on learning some easy topics to talk about with new acquaintances. At Church , when reaching out to a new person , I gave such a hard time thinking of things to say to get to know that person . Especially if they are as quiet as I am ! After a couple of initial pleasantries, there’s the awkward moment of just smiling at each other , awkwardly trying to ease away , or fade into the woodwork ! Especially when it feels like one sided tennis , and the ball is not being returned ! Some help please for introverts who want to reach out and be friendly!!!

Clueless and lacking class! “Why do you ask?” was a reply I learned later in life! It tosses the rudeness back to the other’s lap! Not rude but also not deprecating! I could go on but I know this community understands! 💕

Hi Jennifer, I'm from Mexico and in my culture we never ask what do you do for a living. It is consider very rude, and besides we want to make friends with nice people. If a person is unkind, we don't care if he or she is in a high position or very rich, if they are not nice people we just don't want to befriend them. When I married my American husband and moved to America I was very shocked of the very personal questions that people ask you in an airplane or elsewhere. So I truly appreciate you bringing this topics up and speak about how rude it is to ask these kind of questions. Blessings to you and your family!

@veniqer

3 жыл бұрын

❤️

I don't find people asking about my multi- ethnic background offensive anymore. I used to feel offended when I was younger because I was not always confident in being different, but as I have gotten older, I have become more self- assured and simply brush it off and look at it as just curiousity. I realize I cannot change people, I can only change myself and how I react. I also realize that not everyone is rude or has a personal agenda. There is also a certain beauty in being different and sometimes people's curiosity is often an expression of their own appreciation of what's different and unique. Also, we cannot take offense to everything or we will be spending too much of our precious time worrying what people think or say. That is not to say that etiquette is not important to me, it just isn't everything to me.

@themamabearlife3339

3 жыл бұрын

Oh, I wish more people had your wonderful attitude!

I have struggled with just "being a stay at home mom" but it is what I am called to at this point in my life and I love being with my children. I do sell on ebay to make extra money but calling myself a reseller got occasional wrong responses so now I say I 'Freelance as an e-commerce marketing specialist' :)

@justynafletcher841

3 жыл бұрын

I used to answer like that to that question too. "Oh, I'm just a stay at home mom." I never felt good about that response and it was awkward for everyone. But then I realized that I was the one leaving room for doubt. Now I confidently say, "I'm a homemaker and a mother." No apologies. No room for other people to make assumptions about how I feel about my life or the way I'm choosing to live it. ❤️

Thanks for these tips. A very common question now is “did you get the Covid vaccine?” Why or why not. How can we answer this question in a polite way instead of saying mind your own business 😂

@aroundthemiddle2112

3 жыл бұрын

I think it depends on why they’re asking. If it’s a new mom in your family whose baby you wants to visit or someone going through chemo who you’ve offered to accompany to an appointment, it’s likely out of concern for their own or their baby’s health. Your doctor needs to know for your health. Some random person at the grocery store or a friendly acquaintance who you run into at some event? Maybe just smile and say, “it has been a crazy year, hasn’t it?” or something equally small-talky.

@spiritmatter1553

3 жыл бұрын

I haven’t been asked that yet, but the answer I plan to use is, "I’m part of the control group." It will remind people that the jab is not FDA approved, I hope. It’s experimental and every experiment does need a control group. Because science!

@uptownsunni3560

3 жыл бұрын

Sometimes I ask if someone has been vaccinated because I'd like to take my mask off. I usually try and get both things in the question. I don't want to take my mask off around unvaccinated people (even if THEY don't mind). I want to protect myself and others. I'm also sick of wearing a mask.

I have no clue why people think they are entitled to others personal information.

I was 41 when I had my first child and frequently was asked about my "grandchild ". I would just hold my head high and answer, "he could be, but he's all mine " !!!

@maggiefindmusic

3 жыл бұрын

That is a beautiful response. 😍

I was so happy when you spoke about not asking people's profession. It is so true! You shouldn't do it. For example, I used to work at a high end women's lingerie shop as a bra fitter. I loved my job and I was really good at it, but when people asked and I would tell them, things would just get strange. Women would ask me so many questions about bras....basically trying to get all of my training for free. Or they would say things like, "Oh! You're probably looking at me and thinking my bra doesn't fit correctly." (Which I wasn't.) When men asked me about my profession, they were either really uncomfortable with the answer and didn't know what to say, or they would say something of a creepy/sexual nature, which I did not appreciate. Another example is my husband. He is a mechanic and he doesn't like me to tell that to just anyone because you cannot believe how much people hit up mechanics for free labour. On his day off, he really doesn't want to be spending his time looking at a neighbour's car. There are so many examples just like this that I am sure so many people can relate to and that is why it IS rude to ask people you hardly know, what they do for a living. And it has nothing to do with shame!

@themamabearlife3339

3 жыл бұрын

I think the rude part is the making creepy sexual comments, or wanting free services of whatever profession that person has. Not the actual question itself. If they didn't follow up w/things like that, would still consider just the question to be rude?

@marenlatham4349

3 жыл бұрын

@@themamabearlife3339 Hi Laura. No, I suppose the question itself isn't rude and I didn't think people were trying to be rude who asked it. I think I just never knew which sort of reaction I was going to get and I felt relieved when people didn't ask me right away.

I always say: Good manners show others you care, and so many people simply do not. I find many many people these days do unfortunately understand the inappropriateness or audaciousness of what they inquire about. Yet, though they understand, cannot seem to control or discipline themselves appropriately or care enough about another’s feelings to do so. It’s a symptom of underlying spiritual shallowness from my perspective and I find myself very much on guard when it’s unavoidable to be in the presence of these individuals. As I am aging, I find becoming comfortable with awkward silences to be an invaluable skill I need to hone more and more.

I would get asked a lot “Don’t you ever eat anything?” Because I was always so skinny and bony. This question was always rude and made me uncomfortable because little did people know, I had an eating disorder. People tend to think it’s okay to ask someone why they’re skinny because they think it wouldn’t harm someone, they usually think they’d take it as a compliment. But they don’t see that there’s something else going on behind closed doors.

@idahardy4052

3 жыл бұрын

Oh, Stephanie, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. People really have no idea how hurtful this can be. And in my opinion you’re right to keep it private. I wanted to respond to you because I know this is difficult and may come up over and over again for people until they fully heal. Did up with an appropriate response that you felt worked for you and got people to stop asking? New friends used to ask us if we were going to try for a girl since we had two boys, and I was sort of dumbfounded at first until I just decided to be open. “You know, if God sends us more children, we will welcome them with open hearts, but we sure love these two boys and so far I’ve had two miscarriages. So it doesn’t seem likely at this point.” That might be too much information for some people, but I was fine telling people that. I do know they just meant it as a polite question. I hope that you are completely recovered and thriving now.

@ellen823ful

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing that.

@ginnyrust6874

3 жыл бұрын

So true. Very frustrating. People just hone in and can’t help themselves 🙄

@bethreisman8869

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, many of us suffer a great deal of visiably hidden pain. It is difficult for us to toughen our skin and see the hurtful question simply as "they don't know our private personal story". After many years, my skin has toughened. My heart goes out to you.

@amybee40

3 жыл бұрын

I got lots of compliments on losing weight, for a season, only to find out that it was because I had a thyroid condition. Then the "cure" for that condition caused me to gain 75 pounds over only 3 months. Supposedly had saved my life, but no more compliments, did not feel better, in fact was scared to death, and just had people judge me for being fat instead. Boy did that mess with my head for years.

I think of you so many times throughout the day while I’m at work. The conversations I overhear all day long never cease to amaze me. Thank you for sharing your passion on this topic.

As always on point, Jennifer! Thank you so much for this wise counsel.

This was most wonderful video I have seen for the looooooongest time. The way you handled these sensitive topics was just heavenly. You just helped so many people who watched and who will ask this questions in the future. Wonderful job!!!!!!

If I refer to myself as “fat” it isn’t a put down because being fat isn’t shameful? I’m just fat because I am 🤷🏻‍♀️

@labradoriteatheart

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you!

@amybee40

3 жыл бұрын

YES !!! A thousand times yes. My trainer used to cringe every time I said I was fat. But it was important for me to own it, as merely one characteristic of my being, and NOT let it have the place of shaming or defining me.

@AdventureswithAmirah

3 жыл бұрын

💜❣️💜 This!

@ChiaraFrancioli

2 жыл бұрын

Same. Years ago I remember casually mentioning being fat and being answered "Oh. You are beautiful". That remark stayed me for quite a long while. I never said I was ugly, nor I was implying it. She was though.

You are doing such important work on this channel! I love all the topics you talk about. Love your channel, it’s the best!

What a great message!... I love that you are asking people to be above being rude or salty in response to a rude question. It is definitely a worthwhile goal which helps us respect ourselves and do the right thing. Because, if the person asking the rude question is doing so deliberately, then if you follow this example of being above them, it means you dodge a bullet or a whole bunch of them, in the process. The added bonus is that you now know to be very careful around this person or to possibly have no future contact with them. The power is rightly YOURS.

I benefited so deeply from this series. I have been on both sides of this. I can think of many times where I have asked the rude questions without of course meaning to be rude and this has made me very aware of what is considered too personal. As far as responses to rude questions, these are so classy and respectable. Thank you for sharing!

I wouldn't know where to begin, but I'll tell you just ONE. My husband was born and raised in Europe and came to the United States as an immigrant in his later 30s. English is his 4th language. He is fluent in two languages and nearly fluent in one other one and very conversant in English. Europeans are so much more welcoming of those who don't speak their language perfectly! Thank you to most Europeans! I have taught English as a Second Language for many years and I have noticed that the majority of people who have actually tried to learn another language are much more understanding of the MASSIVE UNDERTAKING it is to become proficient in another language. My husband is very well-educated and we believe it is VERY RUDE to mock someone else's lack of English Language Proficiency. Most of the people who essentially made fun of his didn't speak English all that well even though they were born and raised in the United States. I'm sorry, too many Americans are SOOOOOO RUDE!

@alexandraeverafter1015

3 жыл бұрын

I agree with you about these insensitive comments and that Europeans are more understanding when it comes to languages. Because I am Korean-American, I have been asked whether I speak English when people approach me. I try to be polite, even though I am flabbergasted when people ask me that question, which hasn’t happened for years, thank goodness. I was born and raised in the US and didn’t speak Korean while I was growing up. (I lived in a small homogenous town in the Midwest.) in college, I finally learned Korean; even two years of language study, despite having Korean parents, did not make me fluent. I eventually lived in Korea for almost 2 years, and I heard rude comments about my terrible Korean. They thought that I should be speaking perfect Korean just because I am of Korean origin, regardless of where I was born and raised. I returned to the States after I divorced, and my Korean went downhill since. I still can understand some of the language (could never understand 100% of the church sermon or a political speech-I have enough trouble understanding politics in English.) Thank you for sharing! I know English is not an easy language, but he will eventually become fluent when he puts his mind into it.

I love these videos. When I'm asked a rude question, I'm so taken aback because I would never ask a question like the one posed to me that I'm speechless and can't think of a reasonable answer in the moment. Thank you for your advice.

After I had the cast removed from my ankle but not finished with PT and still had a lot of pain walking, I used the electric cart at the grocery store. You wouldn’t believe how many people made comments to me and around me about young healthy people using carts meant for the handicapped. When people made the snide comments to me I enjoyed lifting up my pants leg and showing the fresh 6 inch scar and talk about the plate and 6 screws in my ankle. Now that they approached me and asked if I was handicapped or if I thought it was okay for me to use the cart they couldn’t just leave as I spent a long time telling them the blow by blow situation with my ankle. I kept people standing there way past any interest they had but now they were caught since they had asked. Then I tell them how rude and judgmental people were to me when I’m the only driver in the family and I’m just trying to get food. The looks on their faces were priceless. They may still judge others but I bet they never question people about if they are handicapped enough to use a service.

I loved your face when you said, “think of me” when someone says something rude. I will. ❤️🤞🏻🥰

Observation: one's culture and one's lens is a significant part of this topic of what's considered rude questions. "What's your name?" _to what extent is it rude to ask? Everyone has a name, so it's not a shame or ridiculed in any type of "culture" . "What is your profession?" _this carries various perceptions(one's lens). Where people are proud of their job, so it would be nothing to answer(or ask); but it would be considered impolite or rude if someone would rather not be labelled. (and it's personal). i feel it's "clashes" of many things as culture, perception,... (social status, intellect), it's impossible for everyone to see eye to eye. By no means saying "rude" is acceptable,, just saying tolerance/understanding/ and emotional intelligence are virtues. When i was asked personal questions about "having more than one child" or "dating" etc. i usually answered short & direct about my conviction. done. And Discernment will help you "know" the malicious ones. 🙂

@justynafletcher841

3 жыл бұрын

This is a very good observation. I said something similar in the comments of her first video. I get asked these questions too, and my point was to answer confidently. Leave no room for insecurities. No room for them to comment again. People are going to be rude, wether on purpose or not, and being bothered by it just hurts yourself. Because the people asking these "rude" comments rarely care one way or the other. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@redstone3985

3 жыл бұрын

@@justynafletcher841 Thankyou *

@shareyah8

3 жыл бұрын

100% agree!

Our family and my sister and her family vacationed together two weeks ago. I had a rude question asked and it has just shattered my self confidence. So thank you Jennifer, I will picture your face and remember that I’m not alone. You’re very kind and thoughtful.

I wish you posted a video everyday! It's like having a talk with your best friend every timethank you so much for the amazing content and tips.

Thank you for unpacking the "what do you do (for a living)" question and why it's so irksome. You listed many great reasons. My issue with it are the inevitable follow up questions. As if I wish to talk about my work... especially when I'm trying to relax away from work! I like my job and am proud of what I do but please can we talk about anything else!

Thank you so much for the follow up video on this topic.

Jennifer, it occurs to me that at the root of the rude questions is that people are asking/prying beyond the level of intimacy of the particular relationship. These questions are ones that will be answered naturally if the relationship deepens. If not, it’s none of their/my business.

@ciahires7322

3 жыл бұрын

I’m in my mid-sixties and a bit overweight. I was in a local store when a man who looked a bit down on his luck approached me and said “It must be hard being pregnant in the middle of summer!” To which I replied, “It sure is!”. As he walked away, I thought sadly, “Oh, he thought I was pregnant.”, which immediately turned happily to “Oh wow! He thought I was young enough to be pregnant!”.

@themamabearlife3339

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I was thinking the same thing. Most of these questions are answered naturally over time as you get to know someone and grow closer.

Thank you for another great video! I love your insights! Similar to your comments on ethnicity questions, rude questions and comments I have received dealt with my accent. I grew up in the Southern U.S. and moved to the D.C. area for my first job out of grad school. I had a great job and 2 university degrees but people would frequently ask rude questions relating to where I grew up and make disparaging comments regarding my accent, implying that I wasn’t educated enough or qualified for my job. I was young and it definitely hurt my feelings at the time but now I look back and think “bless their hearts!” 😊🤍

Jennifer, as a long time subscriber, I'm so glad you went there on these questions, particularly the one about race and ethnicity! My immediate family has a few interracial marriages, and biracial children; we have definitely gotten the race questions you mentioned. Thank you so much for using your voice and platform to explain why these questions are impolite.

Jennifer, you are my new discovery here on yt and you do a great job! Some rude questions are asked out of curiosity, but majority are just plainly rude and ppl just want to confirm their theories about others. They already got answers in their heads or feel good but making others feel bad. Certainly there is something wrong with their personality, as you said. My answer to rude questions: - I don't answer this type of questions - I like my life as it is - I got a good life - what is good for you may not be good for me - there are so many things I'm greatful for etc, etc. Once I heard a great description of good manners:"they are supposed to make others feel good around us". I think it is important to keep this simple criterion in mind when interacting socially.

Wow, great videos! I appreciate you parsing out the difference between people meaning to be rude (ie online or just yelling something at someone) vs in person, in a conversation, where I think 99% of people are well intentioned but either fail to filter an initial thought or genuinely are trying to have a conversation but don't know what else to say or what better questions to ask. (Or are flirting ineptly...)

Jennifer, thank you! You are a breath of fresh air! You are wise beyond your years. I wish I could be so composed when answering some questions.

Wow! This was so necessary and should be broadcast on the news around the world!

This is one of the most helpful and insightful videos that I have ever watched. Thank you so much for posting this. 😊

My 6'6" son's response to, "Do you play basketball?" Is always, "No, do you play mini golf?"

@sssssssssuv

3 жыл бұрын

🤣😂

@amybee40

3 жыл бұрын

LOL My mother is very short and she cannot (will not) resist asking tall men "how tall are you?" or "how's the weather up there?" or the like. Most men are kind in replying, only one guy have I heard give a clever response of that sort. She enjoyed it. And she regularly beats me at mini golf...

You are so right. Elegant people want to have intelligent conversations but in order to have them what is needed is awareness. One should really think before asking, responding, assuming, doing etc. It is difficult but surely not impossible 💎🙏🏼

I’ve enjoyed today’s video a lot. I think we’ve all asked questions or have said comments we wish we could have taken back. I’m one of the ones who was asked about my daughter having a different father. She is now 34 so I think it must have been 28 years ago! It’s still resounding in my memory. I’m not even sure of my answer. All I remember is my daughter looking up at me with tears in her eyes. I spent the day reassuring her that she wasn’t. While I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, it made her question where she belonged. Gratefully on her part, it’s long forgotten. I must add though, we never want to appear snobbish, or think we’re better than anyone. We can certainly respond better, but in reality, all humans have intrinsic valley. I don’t think we should answer by degrading ourselves, but I take no pleasure in making someone else feel bad. No repaying evil for evil. I love the conversation. It helps us all do better!