I’m a cult survivor after over 22 years in a very high demand religious cult, and this channel has been a very instrumental part of my healing. Thank you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Glad you are here! Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

Also, people with abusive backgrounds are attacted to cults as adults, because they supply all the answers and give you an in-group. This happened to my aunt in the 1970's; she dissapered for 15 years and retured out of the blue with 5 children from her "spiritual" huband, escaping an abusive enviornment. My cousins have 72 half-silbings.

@zacky7572

2 ай бұрын

Wow, I didn’t realize that was a trend. That’s basically my dad, hence my religious trauma.

@Quiche543

2 ай бұрын

Jw cult...I can relate ❤

@MalikaBourne

2 ай бұрын

@@zacky7572 More than what you'd ever guess do folks fall into the delusions of a cult leader of the religious kind.

@ivanasimic2072

2 ай бұрын

wow

@vivianworden2706

2 ай бұрын

Not just religious cults. Why do you think gangs and biker gangs are popular for certain types. No I'm not talking about a motorcycle club. But big time associates. They attract people who like the type of pecking order that embraces toxic authority, toxic loyalty over people that have been compromised.

The only non-stigmatised mental health diagnosis is PTSD. Because soldiers get it. It's the only one that's seen as primarily a normal reaction to an environmental stressor, not as a weakness or flaw in the sufferer. Meanwhile, women suffering from chronic childhood trauma get diagnosed as having pathological 'personalities' rather than normal reactions to extreme trauma.

@RootBound505

2 ай бұрын

Darn good point. Eye-opening even as I’ve been coming to see more and more how it IS a man’s world, sadly.

@kylieisola4735

2 ай бұрын

So true.

@user-fm7vg4dv1k

2 ай бұрын

Not true, cuz I have it from military service and I get called a crazy female solider or women don't belong in the military. Yeah, so stop with that

@melliecrann-gaoth4789

2 ай бұрын

@@user-fm7vg4dv1know that’s unfortunately not surprising. I’m sorry to hear you have suffered so much. I send you compassion as you continue on the very messy road that is healing. ❤️‍🩹

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

All humans have childhood and adult traumas. Somatic- EDMR therapy is effective for PtSD and CTPSD. If you need to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman it's time to exit a relationship safely. 🤐 You deserve to be safe. The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood Toxic Parents by Susan Forward Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin on The 10 Essentials Of A Secure Partnership-by Dr Stan Tatkin

I grew up in the Catholic Church and whether it's being told from the pulpit, in the confessional, or in the classroom, telling a young child that they're going to roast in Hell for eternity for committing a mortal sin, is an abuse! I can't begin to tell you how long I was in therapy to rid myself of the shame and guilt I was experiencing!

@RootBound505

2 ай бұрын

The human priest makes a difference. I’ve fortunately known several who modeled Christ. But another one (much later in my childhood) who had zero compassion and plenty of anger. Kids were terrified of him

@lc5666

2 ай бұрын

Human priest or not, the theology is the same. If you scratch the surface of Catholicism, it is very harsh. I lived in constant fear and anxiety when I was a kid, even with the really kind and good priests we had.

@melliecrann-gaoth4789

2 ай бұрын

And the same Catholic Church spends a fortune on legal fees to avoid the roasting that is due to them. It’s revolting and completely immoral

Anna, I would love to share my experience here, but it's so big! I wouldn't know where to begin. A father who bounced me off walls until I passed out, sexually assaulted me, beat me, humiliated me publicly, belittled me, shamed me etc. A mother that blamed me for being "the other woman" in her marriage, neglected me, chose my abuser over me, etc. Both were narcissists. And both raised me in the jw cult. I was molested by an elder, treated as an outcast bc I didn't keep silent about the abuse. I wasn't allowed to have worldly friends and was deemed bad association within the cult. I was socially isolated. Married the first jw I could. I started having extreme meltdowns in my 30's. Ended up in a mental health ward where I was misdiagnosed and my mother tried to have me put in a group home for people with borderline. It took time but I'm free now. Cost me everything, literally. But I'm free, and happy now. My therapist says my abuse was the worst she's heard of in her career. But I'm strong. I know what's wrong. I've worked hard to learn coping skills and learn what's normal. My nightmare is over. But the memories don't soften.

@aaloha2902

2 ай бұрын

Hey @journeyspencer7308, sorry to hear you went through all that 🙏🏼🌺 I can relate to several of your experiences. I have a good life now, and have done so much to re-regulate my nervous system but it still reacts to everything, even food. How did you learn to feel safe in your body?

@mindonthespirit1543

2 ай бұрын

Sending you love and hugs. I understand memories do not soften. My prayer for you is that they may be handed over to the one who can deal with them.

@journeyspencer7308

2 ай бұрын

@@aaloha2902 I moved across the country, nearly 2000 miles away, for starters. I went to therapists I trusted and I did a lot of research. Once I figured out my parents and the cult were all narcissists, it made everything make sense. It wasn't me. It wasn't even about me. My father is dead now. My mother shuns me as hard as she can, which is OK now that I understand she's toxic to me. I joined ex jw groups and we laugh together, cry together and help each other heal. I found the true Jesus and He healed my soul in ways I couldn't have done myself. I'm free and that's worth more than anything else. I love my freedom.

@VitA-Z

2 ай бұрын

Sending you a lot of love and support ❤

@2wingssamebird314

2 ай бұрын

Hi Journey, I was raised in the jw world and am out now. I’m glad you’re on the other side! Stay strong❤

I am also an ex jw. I was very zealous until I was disfellowshipped with my husband. 2 years we were ostracized until we had our first baby. Once we were welcomed back to the congregation I did not want to be there. I divorced after 10 years and am raising my 2 girls out of the cult. We have been celebrating holidays for a few years. I am still struggling with depression.

@patriciaalbertson5183

2 күн бұрын

I'm sorry. I found a program that helped me...ptogram, not cult. Have you heard of a program called ACA: Adult Children of Alcoholics/ dysfunction... They have support: meetings, books to read, books to work thru.. Google: ACA Laundry List Traits... See it any of it fits at all... This is all a Suggestion to explore 😊 good luck, hang in there

Religious zealotry is a scourge.Truly awful people deluding themselves into thinking they are virtuous.

@JaMeshuggah

2 ай бұрын

I agree but the same plays out with secular social justice cults too.

Thank you Anna for reading and answering my letter. Im Ashley. I wrote this in July 2023. I will admit I felt sick to my stomach when I realized you were reading my story yesterday. I'm still married, still having daily flashbacks, still living as roommates, still trying to keep myself distracted, busy, overeating, overdrinking, oversleeping, and overspending. I would like to make a couple clarifications: 1. I do not feel endangered physically with my husband. In our 20 years of marriage there were only a handful of physically violent altercations and I was the instigator. Im ashamed of how out of control I was. I didnt know how to control my rage and his avoidance, so I would grab his arm and pinch him. A couple of times he hit me back. That has not happened in over a decade. 2. My biggest fear is finances and I feel like dirt for admitting that out loud. Basically Im using him to stay more comfortable financially. I look at other women who have the courage to walk away and I have so much respect for these people. I clearly do not love or respect myself enough and I prefer this quiet desperation over the unknown and uncertainty of doing life on a single income. I am not college educated and I do menial work and everything feels so overwhelming...but I know Im just prolonging my and his misery by hitting snooze on my Ground Hog Day life. 3. When I wrote in I thought maybe you'd give some tips on how to stop having flashbacks. Lol...yeah...I gotta overhaul my life to have that! My husband is a good person...I just feel like we were 2 cult kids who got entangled in a very unhealthy way and the foundation of our marriage is something I do forgive, but my body simply cannot forget. The religion and specific Bible scriptures really imprinted on me that divorce is an abomination...but Im trying to release that. I dont judge other people who get divorced, so why do I make it so horrible for me? Yes...the terror of abandonment melange is rising up as I think about having the absolutely necessary conversation with my husband. I will start doing the daily practice today and look into joining the group you mentioned. Thank you for everything you do Anna. Making decisions is hard...in some ways being in a cult is easier because decisions are made for you...but prison is the same way of living and I dont want to squander my gift of freedom.

@user-bs4nr8jk9n

2 ай бұрын

Ashley - please hang in there. I know your pain. We need each other and I appreciate your honesty.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

@@Ashley-vb7cn thank you so much for following up with me here, and for the benefit of the community who feels connected with you, and who may be going through the same thing. Your thinking sounds clear, even if you're not sure what to do. I'm so glad you'll be trying the Daily Practice. It can really help, and the weekly calls (all free) we offer are a good place to learn and meet other people who are working on healing trauma wounds too. Hugs!!!

@evgenia_loves_english4844

2 ай бұрын

Dear Ashley, I just want to hug you and wish you'd be brave to take baby steps towards your happiness!

@hoedown175

2 ай бұрын

. Sometimes releasing what no longer works gives us energy to start over. And I bet there are folks out there willing to help you get there. But I know with the way this particular cult trains us to think, those ppl who could help may seem like dangerous aliens from another planet. One day at a time. Just writing to CCF is a huge step. We all believe in you!!

@elizab3341

2 ай бұрын

The daily practice will help with your flashbacks. Put them on paper. They are fear based. The DP will help release the fear and you'll gain clarity on what action you need to take. Whether you take the action intended for you or not is your choice 🙏🏼

Jehovah's Witness. There I said it. I grew up this way too. I remember how lonely I felt when I told them I wasn't going to be involved during the pandemic. They all abandoned the relationship, because the "end times" were coming and I wasn't going to be part of His kingdom. Makes me never trust religious people with the end goal only being recruitment.

@journeyspencer7308

2 ай бұрын

Former jw here too! I left physically in 07, woke up mentally in 2014. It destroyed my family completely. I see your screen name and I'm bizarrely wondering if you're a cousin, as my maiden name was Little. I haven't heard from or seen my cousins on dad's side in over 20 years. But I think most of them are still in. It's evil what this cult does!

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

​@@journeyspencer7308And you left what age were you? I had a Is coworker who left the catholic church With trauma beyond belief from sexual abuse.

@journeyspencer7308

2 ай бұрын

@@DarkroomMedia007 I was 46 when I woke up. I feel for your coworker. ❤️❤️❤️

@Littlexlittle.

2 ай бұрын

@@journeyspencer7308 No. Ironically, I chose that name because healing (from being raised as a JW then abandoned by the community) takes steps. Little by little things change and get better.

@journeyspencer7308

2 ай бұрын

@@Littlexlittle. I get it. Thank you. I miss my cousins, who are still in. I just keep hoping they'll wake up. If you ever need a friend, I'm on FB under this name. Know there's a lot of us ex JWs who care. Sending you a hug!

I was sexually abused at the age of 14. At the age of 28, I joined a religious cult called The potter's house ( also known as the Door) . Started in Arizona but spread across the world. I joined it in the UK. I was involved for two years. Lost my mind and a lot of money. It still haunts me. After leaving the cult, I ended up in a psychiatric ward for three months. I am still on medication 21 years on.

@melliecrann-gaoth4789

2 ай бұрын

Cathy compassion to you ❤️‍🩹

This description of the Jehovah’s Witness system of operation is so accurate. I went through a similar thing. The JWs see everything in black-and-white: either you are in the “Truth” or you are Satanic. You speak up against your abuser and you are brought before a council of elders (old men), judged, and disfellowshipped for 2 years. My sister married a JW who repulsed her, feeling that she could not break another engagement. (She had previously been hastily engaged to another guy she barely knew.) The prohibition against higher education has had a long lasting effect in my life. I have severed all family ties for the sake of my sanity. Good luck to all who escape cults! Well done.

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

Just curious, but what church are you in now? And when did you disassociate yourself with this religion or cult? I've heard a lot of people talk negative things About them , but they never give me any context or background Or personal experience about this abuse And why nobody reported it from the family but Clean the elders did nothing? I thought. Claims of abuse is supposed to be reported by the family, not the elders Who are not a part of the Unit where the abuse has started.I've heard this too many times but no one can Explain this to me or Why a police report was not made. I know Catholic Church. Have been reported so many times in the media Allegedly condoning abuse and not prosecuting the guilty parties. Family members and at least 3 coworkers told me they don't like them "preacing" and bothering them in the morning Knocking on their door but no information about how dangerous they are supposed to be. Back to your story, Not trying to be rude or anything , but as I said, if she's a grown woman and chose to marry, a man she is not into, What's up with that? Could that be she like many other women, Marry the man For all the wrong reason, Religion aside? My sister married too early and she regrettidiot and she Was indoctrinated into the baptist church. I'm seriously asking because I've had co-workers.Trash talk them behind their back.But when I asked My friend who is heavily into the baptist church, Why they are the devil.She didn't give me an answer.She just had stay away from them. This is frustrating because I keep getting this over and over again. The same thing has been said about JW as The church of jesus christ and mormon which I have had people shoo me away from speaking with them as well so i'm very confused. 😮‍💨 Is it that people are tired of organized religion? I'm on a spiritual journey and i'm trying to Not just do research on the internet but ask people with an opinion about The religion what it's all about And getting nowhere fast.

@bee6467

2 ай бұрын

Not to be rude but I grew up a JW. 3 of my friends broke off their engagements and everyone said “do what’s right for you, if it doesn’t feel right don’t marry him.” So I think your sister’s engagement was maybe more about her own issues tbh. Also I think if there are cases where there’s abuse and no one went to the police then then that’s on the family or the elders who dealt with the matter, not necessarily on the religion. I’m pretty sure the religion does advise going to police. I know all religions have their pros and cons & some of the cons can be messed up (speaking from experience) but sometimes it sounds like people blame a religion for everything because maybe it’s easier than facing anything else.

@inesdelorenzo97

2 ай бұрын

I grew up with jehovah’s witness, you have to live it to understand why her sister got into a complicated marriage. when you are very young you are already told that you will have to marry someone in religion, you are forbidden to discover your own body. And some members of the congregation make it clear to you that if you don’t do this you will be rejected by the whole group. Except since you’re not allowed to make friends other than them, if you don’t comply with these rules, you’re alone. Must also understand that the witnesses of jehovah are invited regularly to each other, when I was little we often had people at home, it was good memories until my mother divorced my abusive father and it was the drama of all time. the congregation that knew about these abuses still turned their backs on my mother, even though we were still going to the meetings, at that time, we were treated like shit. I remember being small and having such wicked looks that I did not understand this change of attitude. They accused my mother of committing adultery when it was nothing. With my sister we had friends of our age and their parents made sure they did not talk to us anymore. When my mother realized that they were starting to attack us, she left, but that does not prevent us from believing in god

@patriciaalbertson5183

2 ай бұрын

​,maybe they just don't know how to explain it to you. And, it can't be done in 5 minutes at the water cooler at work. They are dangerous cults because it is a about Control ling People. Starts with "Mind Control". They control your Life, and use Abuse to do it.

@Leoo117

2 ай бұрын

@DarkroomMedia007 I think a good rule of thumb to find the correct religion is to find the one that studies the bible the most and applies the principles the most and can actually answer all your questions using the bible and have it actually make sense. I've personally found that the JWs fit this more than anyone. For example, they don't celebrate holidays because most of them have origins that are literally based on other gods and were originally meant for worshipping them. Well, if you are trying to follow the God of the bible, thats not ok with him. I know so many people find them to be controlling, but I always felt free. It's true that if I decided to live a lifestyle of doing drugs or sleeping around without being married, they wouldn't talk to me if I was baptized until I decided to stop purposefully living that lifestyle, but that's because the bible says bad association spoils useful habits. Yet, that still doesn't take away my freedom to do what I want and make my own choices. It's true that there are some that come across as super judgmental, and that's against the bible to be that way. I've even seen that in my own family, but that usually comes from their own unaddressed cptsd, not the bible or the religion telling them to do that. Now, in the case of the letter, I definitely believe her, but no JW I know would tell her to literally marry a rapist. She never specified the religion, so they either were not JWs, or the leaders had no clue what they were doing and didn't understand her situation or the bible very well at all. I've literally heard the witnesses tell the men and women both to be careful of who they decide to marry, even WITHIN the congregation, because there are some people that don't take applying the bible seriously and are just going through the motions. The lady's husband in the letter sounds like one of those people. He doesn't even seem to care at all. You can't be happy with someone that will show up and be there, and yet put in absolutely no real work or effort toward themselves or their relationships.

To "Ashley" from this letter, and to anyone that relates to such an experience, I send out my well wishes if you want them. Digital hugs and support going out over the airwaves if you want them. Good luck; whatever you need to do, you can do it.

I’m so saddened by all the trails of pain coming out of religious abuse.

Grew up in the South raised by Evangelicals. I found that my family itself is a cult and I’m doing what I can to disentangle from them financially and recover from their insidious psychological manipulation and its effects that make life so difficult for me

@user-fm7vg4dv1k

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like Blackistan 😂😂

@Rfp601

2 ай бұрын

@@user-fm7vg4dv1k nope, they’re very white

@Rfp601

2 ай бұрын

@@user-fm7vg4dv1k nope they’re very white and there’s millions just like them

This is a topic that has hurt thousands and thousands of people - and I'm glad Anna has the guts and intelligence to address it. And psychiatrists and the medical establishment will tell you that you have a "chemical imbalance" - which furthers the lie. I love this lady.

I was also raised as a JW, and so many of the feelings of the writer felt like they were taken from my childhood. The ways we so often justify the abuse we went through can be astounding and terrifying, but also liberating when we realize that we can forgive ourselves for the our trauma after realizing the abuse we suffered.

@lilafeldman8630

2 ай бұрын

Is that what this is? the Jehovah's witnesses? I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

@lilafeldman8630

2 ай бұрын

I think there are multiple groups that could qualify for what she described but I wasn't sure.

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

@@lilafeldman8630 I agree Lila, the baptist church burned a hole through my heart and i'm done with them so that's what I was thinking. With the baptist church and mega Church going ladies, I found them to be absolutely manipulating and controlling, As well as judge mental. My husband was absolutely Traumatized and humiliated by his abusive mother using scripture to shame and abuse him and his brothers at home because she wanted girls instead of boys. She was cheating on his dad committing adultry, sneaking men into the house while his dad worked long hours. She allowed her church friends to also whoop them, cuss them out and belittle them And call them names because they were supposedly bad boys And starved them out when the church ladies had to babysit them. He would see them sitting front and center at church, *faking* and screaming "hallelujah thank you Jesus!" I have horror stories of my own And that is how me and him bonded when we met Comparing notes about the black baptist and "holiness" church.They normalize dysfunction And use their own bullying and shaming tactics to make you pay ten percent of your net income to them for the sake of Jesus. Members were regularly shamed in the black baptist church for not being able to pay our membership fees, put on display in front of the whole church for asking for money for a light bill and a few measly boxes of food when we were down and out. Made us stand up in front of the whole congregation and announced that my dad was struggling to support our family. The baptist church ladies spread it around town and their children harassed and bullied my older sisters in high school. That drove Two of my sisters to drop out of high school It was so bad. 😳 The deacon of the church put a scarlet letter on our head giving hateful neighbors fuel to gossip and shun us and look down on us. My mom told me that the Deacon belittled them saying that they need to stop hidden sinful practicices, because it Is blocking blessings and shows lack of faith. 😵‍💫😭 The holiness church used the bible to punish my parents. 😢😭

I still struggle with the fact that I was in a religious cult and had a narcissistic, controlling, abusive mother as well. I’ll never forget still defending her and denying the abuse and control that took place. I almost didn’t want to accept it and thought I didn’t go through certain things that I did. Once they were given labels such as sexual violation, physical abuse, control, manipulation. It broke my heart and now I’m trying to heal. Very hard when your sole parent was abusive and also used religion to control you and what you did. Like your whole identity could only be based on Christianity and our inner circle was the ONLY importance. I’m a mother of 3 kids. Having little to no time, makes it hard to focus on myself but seeing my children now and comparing things I went through as a child… I could never, as a mother. That’s what makes me NOT like my mother and it took so long for me to realize that because I thought I was doomed to be like her. I still struggle to find my own identity and resented Christianity for so long but have restored my faith in God and am working on finding myself. My husband helps me very much with my mental health and was really the one who pushed me to deal with this head on because I was turning a blind eye to it, yet it was affecting my everyday life. So thankful I have a good support system. It was so hard hearing these stories. I hope all these people are on the journey to healing 💗

I grew up in the same cult with similar parents (one being violent and verbally abusive and one being distant). Sending you all the best wishes!

@carlismycat

2 ай бұрын

Same

Ashley’s story was so upsetting that I couldn’t finish the vid. I hope she listens and makes some changes in her life. 43 is young & she can have the beautiful life that she deserves going forward.

Exjw here who’s been listening to you for a while. I feel so much the experience of feeling your abuse doesn’t “count”. Our experiences don’t look like other people’s so the roadmap to healing is extremely challenging to navigate. Disenfranchised grief plagues us. Well meaning people want to be open minded and not disrespect the religion. They just don’t understand but how could they? Thank you for covering this. I’m 5 years out and there’s always new and unexpected triggers but I’m working through them. Ashley if you’re seeing this thank you for being brave and sharing your story. We see you and we understand.

I was raised in a cult in the 70’s called The Way from ages 3-17..there is a Dr Phil episode on this particular cult..it ruined my childhood and gave me lifelong issues

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Glad you are here now. Nika@TeamFairy

I've had several co workers who were former Baptist church goers as well as Ex-Catholics that experienced abuse physically and sexually. Was pressured into marriage and unwanted pregnancies. Very very awful! 😢

@traditionalgirl3943

2 ай бұрын

Catholicism does not condone abuse. The CC works to rid itself of criminal priests so do not confuse a criminal priest with the Catholic faith (not that you necessarily have.)

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

@traditionalgirl3943 I hear you but what do you think about My coworkers who had a bad experience and complained about how the Catholic church treated them? Do you think they were Not telling me the truth which would be a terrible thing. I've also had co-workers who were Jehovah.Witnesses that were really nice to me and didn't force their views on me, Yet I've heard some very nasty things about that.Religion and even right now in the comments section. I guess if I spoke to a Jehovah Witness right now, they would say the same thing that you are saying right now so that is a good point you made. Anyway thanks for your insight. I'm just trying to keep an open mind and hear people out on my journey to find the straight and narrow path to salvation.

@traditionalgirl3943

2 ай бұрын

@@DarkroomMedia007, the Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Himself and can trace its authority in the popes all the was to the Apostles. Of course satan wants to lead people away from it but Jesus promised “The forces of the netherworld will not prevail against it.” Matt 16:18. The Magisterial teachings of the Church are infallible despite the infiltration of evil into the Church, as Jesus promised the guidance of the Holy Spirit. It has lasted thousands of years. It offers the body, blood, soul and divinity of Our Lord - no Protestant Church has that. ✝️❤️👍

@CoWolArc

2 ай бұрын

You can trace authority all you want, but it doesn’t mean Catholicism reflects the New Testament. Doctrine should come from holy scripture, not from the traditions of men. Things like the rosary, or the modern Catholic Church structure, or praying to Mary (or asking her to “intercede” even though she is dead to this world) are not found in the Bible. Paul lived modestly; all popes hold immense wealth and power which is the exact opposite. My salvation is by faith in Christ alone, not my works.

@rmguest

2 ай бұрын

@@traditionalgirl3943 I think I would have to respectfully disagree. I grew up in the Catholic Church. I recently was on the web researching the history of my parish church/school looking for the lineage of the pastors there and discovered that the pastor while I was attending grade school in the '60's had a lawsuit filed against him (in the late '50's) for sexually abusing a minor there. The case was settled out of court. While I'm sure the Catholic Church does not condone such behavior, they sure as hell never seem to hold offenders to account as he remained pastor there until his death in 1971.

Anna, I experienced this same system in the Nation of Islam mosques : a largely uneducated Black members who already come from social and familial trauma due to post traumatic slave mentality. Now I feel completely confused about my life. Feeling like I’m doomed and the only way to feel at peace would be to commit to being a member and dedicating my life the same way my mom and father have….Ive sat thru lectures where the ministry tells the members that their spiritual family means more than their blood family. So I grew up not knowing anyone related to me and calling other members of the mosque my cousins. Today, I do not have relationships with my blood family due to me feeling no connection. On top of my mother exhibiting extreme narcissistic patterns where me and my sisters were triangulated against each other and only valued for the image of purity we had as little girls, my father has told us that his spiritual mission across the country is priority to being in his daughters’ lives. So I’ve had no father or mother and my former religious community sees me as a hypocrite. I am lost.

From your description of some aspects of the cult, I am pretty sure that was the same one I was born into. I will not describe the psychological abuse due to the unrealistic expectations, mental pressure, manipulation, overly restrictive rules, ever-present surveillance and judgement, the fear of punishment, the feeling of unworthiness, the loneliness... Everything was a sin. Whatever you did to please was never enough. Being a woman meant you had always to obey to men without question. You could not have friends outside the church. And in the church you were constantly watched and spied on. The omnipresent 'God' would constantly look into your inner thoughts and feelings and judge you, even if you didn't actually do anything against the rules. There were no holidays, Christmas, birthdays, and even normal parties were frown upon cause having fun was also discouraged. On top of that, I was subject of daily violent outbursts from a mother who was always angry, depressed, and over-manipulative. Physical abuse was the norm and I was always full of bruises. My father just added its beatings. Sometimes I would pass out because of hard blows to my head. One day my mother slammed me into the wall and almost chocked me with her hands at my throat and her eyes popping out of her head for the fury of her outburst of anger. There are many more things that were happening, but I'll digress. This is just a small part of what I had to endure for decades... This is to say that you are not alone. I hope you can recover and make your life happier. The only way I could do so was to leave the cult, cut all contacts with my parents, and leave a marriage I was forced into in the church. I still deal with the consequences of what happened to me. But my life is much better now.

Wow, I am so happy more people are recognizing religious cults. This sounds 100% like Jehovahs Witnesses. I was born and raised as one unfortunately. It definitely messes you up. I’m trying to physically leave my family but it’s hard… It’s NOT the truth. Thank you for this video! ❤

Welp, Jehovah's Witnesses is my first thought. How do I know? We are now 5 generations on both sides of my family. Being a good person or Christian is not rocket science. I've re-read my Bible without the lens of the literature. Life is challenging and faith is important. High control is abusive.

This is superb advice and very compassionate. When I was training as a therapist one of my clients was JW. I think she saw how abusive it all was, but man was she messed up. Her mother sounded just awful. It all did. It was completely overwhelming as a trainee therapist to even know where to start!

@purplefireweed

2 ай бұрын

There is an XJW survivor whose name I don't recall who did some really good work around JW specific mental health issues and abuse, and had written her thesis aimed at the therapist community. I wish I had a name, but if I recall, it was four or five years ago. Now that religious trauma is finally being addressed a bit more in the therapist community, I hope specific help will emerge for survivors of the various high control groups, not just JWs.

I've been on and off (mostly on) as a JW since 11 years old. Im 23 now. I always tell people that I am so grateful for the good that they taught me. My parents weren't baptised until very recently, so I wasnt held to the same standards as those who had baptised parents. Everything had to be by the book. Not alot of room for self expression. I vowed from a young age to only stay in for God, not people. I recently came to to the conclusion that this may not be the truth and it has been so painful for me. Like I want to die even thinking about leaving, but my heart knows something isnt right. I am working on trusting god to lead me through, instead of being permantly indecisive and staying in, yet mentally not aligned with the doctrine. God bless you all. He loves you. Jesus died for you. Dont let people convince you otherwise due to their own imperfections. God will make all things new in due time.

@lilafeldman8630

2 ай бұрын

As Anna said, indecisiveness is usually a sign of denial, and confusion results from coming out of it. When you say that you want to die thinking about leaving? That's a sign of cultic abuse. Also, I've never been a JW, but I've been in other spiritually abusive situations, and staying just for God isn't an answer either. When all of our human relationships have fallen apart.

@user-dl8yo3cg6q

25 күн бұрын

I understand you have been hurt by the unchristian conduct of other Witnesses, but Jehovah is not to blame, He doesn't force people to worship him the way he sets out in the Bible, keep praying, don' t give up, its Jehovah you made the promise too,not other people, and those people will be accountable for their actions, nothing goes unnoticeable God

when i was 12, i frequently showed up at schhool with welts on my arms and face. the kids noticed and left me alone. if the faculty noticed they said and did nothing. but i was 12 in the mid 70s and mandatory reporting wwas a good decade away. so i can empathise with her.

Grew up in the South and I already know where this is going

Im not part of any religious groups but my mother and sister are both JW i feel so alienated from them because they no longer celebrate anything…. i am left alone during holidays etc… im not married yet and it can be hurtful to not get a happy birthday message from my mother or sister… they have chosen strangers over their own family because their belief is that not all will be saved and they want to be “saved”

@tracycarter541

2 ай бұрын

I was raised one. Indoctrinated since birth. But seriously I started to cry reading your comment! You poor thing! Seriously that's messed up. Here's what you do. U ask them to study with you. You fake the crap out of it. Here's why...you can be with them. Even if u spent every day with them you won't be in on any of their jokes, their worries, they will only get closer and leave u in the dust completely. So if you don't want to lose your family then study. Do not under any circumstances get baptized. Then u will lose them forever if you fuck up and that can be something as silly as smoking a cigarette. So drag that out which is super easy to do. Just pace yourself. Ok now Here's the BIGGEST reason to pretend you are coming into the truth. (Joining) so you can wake them up. Somehow one day. You have to Somehow find someone who will do the dirty work because witness or not you are an apostate if u try. Good luck my friend.

@crimsonkim9225

2 ай бұрын

@@tracycarter541 So you’re suggesting trying to win people over by lying to them and pretending to be someone you’re not? By throwing personal integrity out the window? Subterfuge is not healthy. Neither is continuing to expose yourself to something you know is harmful to your psyche. Healthy adults respect the people they love enough to let them chose their own course in life, even if it is painful and separates them from us. Lying, pretending and manipulation are not love.

@onepartwild

2 ай бұрын

Amen @@crimsonkim9225

@tracycarter541

Ай бұрын

@@crimsonkim9225 absolutely. If you want to wake them up. And if you want to just spend a little time with them. "No part of the world " that's a biggie for them. Literally top 2. Your family, your non witness friends are "the world" so if she wants a relationship with her mom and sister she should give the cult a shot. She might find comfort in it. Because every holiday she celebrates takes her farther and farther apart. It is so hard to get studies these days (recruits) that her even faining interest to study with someone they will lock on to her like white on rice. What's wrong with that? Integrity is sometimes too lonely but to each their own

@tracycarter541

Ай бұрын

@@crimsonkim9225 oh and did I mention if she talks negatively Bout the religion or tells them Bout ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING that they've learned online etc. She will be an a apostate and cannot be spoke to. Even to say hi on the street. For real. Thats the rules and not many break the rules Because they are punished. Greatly. If anyone think I am making this up or exaggerating...well I'm not. Please don't try to convince family or friends to doubt this religion because almost every time you will be shunned by them.

My family is full of religious hypocrisy. I was coerced into a deliverance ministry at 19 that made me so afraid of hell i could barely function. Had a nervous breakdown at 21 and it led me down a path of confusion, anger, and more sin that i now regret. My brother who was pushing stuff on me...5 years later was divorced and bragging about the women hed slept with.

I'd like to share something a bit different from the excellent comments so far. It's about the destructive power of secrets. I'm a lifelong member of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod, which is the second largest Lutheran group and pretty conservative. I also went to a Fundamentalist Baptist high school, which was far more conservative. Up until a few years ago, I was always in leadership at church. What I witnessed wasn't as bad as what the letter writer describes, but there were some disturbing commonalities for me and my friends. I can't even sit through a church service anymore without breaking down in tears. I feel sorrow and pain from things that may have happened decades ago that feel like they happened yesterday. Working through this, it helped to go through with a counselor some of the secrets I've had to carry, both from personal experience as well as learned as a church leader. There's guilt and shame of knowing about things and knowing they're not being handled right. Seeing them happen again and again compounds the problem. But acknowledging "That's bad" has provided a lot of emotional relief as well as some clarity in deciding what to do. I'm not sure where I'll land but I think I'm at least asking the right questions.

You are helping me so much I was literally thinking about my religious trauma.

@liinliin7128

2 ай бұрын

I’m.. starting to think I might have too .. 😨😰🫣

@mick20075

2 ай бұрын

Don't blame the belief unless that belief speaks it so read and make sure it's the people or belief 👍🏻

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

@@mick20075 If you're talking about people who are Bad people but practicing A religion the wrong way and skewing the message, It's the person's personality.That's the problem and not the actual belief of the certain religion or church? If that is what you are saying I would agree. I grew up in the baptist church and I saw many twisted things going on. My parents left in the eighties due to small town gossip and shunning Of our family because we were so poor we couldn't put money In the collection plate. According to my mom they spread it around town that my dad was a dead beat and only person could have said it was Deacon's wife who was trying to console my mom when we came in for a box of food. smh!! My mom became a loner and started just watching televangelist on TV and called it a day and so did my dad. After multiple churches fell into scandal and they got fed up and tired of the circus With preachers whooping and hollering, Falling out on the floor and running back and fourth, Up and down the aisle trying to get attention, acting a fool twisting the scriptures. i'm done with the toxic baptist church 100%. Even my teachers would bring twistideology from the pinnacostal church into the classroom Telling bad kids that talk back.They're going to hell in a handbasket with fire and brimstone at their feet, which scared us kids.. 😭

I grew up Mormon (LDS) and growing up they taught Christian values but in the past few years they brought in cultish beliefs such as self reliance, self love, rejecting those with mental illness, disabilities and problems and are now teaching to reject toxic people instead of helping them to heal, they are now labeling certain people as problem dumpers, saying to lift ourselves up, saying that if we rely on God we aren’t saved, saying that we are to build our own foundation upon Jesus instead of building upon Jesus’s foundation because he’s the rock, saying only self reliance and world earns us heaven, saying we have to be qualified, ect; none of this crap used to be taught. From 1975-2018 the church was Christian but once prophet monson died, Oaks and other church leaders started teaching false things. Prophet Nelson has tried to correct these false teachings but he gave up because nobody was listening to him. He always says follow God and Jesus Christ but nobody’s listening. Only Uchdorf and Nelson appear to be Christian. The other leaders teach false crap that was never taught. I have left and became inactive. Until the church becomes Christian again, I’m never going back. I’m a spiritualist now. I still believe in God and read my Book of Mormon as a guide but I mostly read my Bible because it brings me comfort. The Book of Mormon doesn’t really bring me comfort, it just clarifies things the Bible says. I avoid D&C and Pearl of Great Price unless I need to look up something. Technically I’m still LDS, I’m just inactive and mostly spiritual now. I’m not religious and I don’t consider myself Christian because Christianity has also become corrupt. I can’t follow religions I feel no longer follow God so I’m a spiritualist now for private worship but yes cultish beliefs can cause you to doubt who you are. I have been getting bullied by other Mormons and even Christian’s and Jews for my spiritual beliefs. They tell me I’m deceived and going to hell. I don’t even care. It’s their problem. My Muslim friends however love me dearly and told me I’ll be blessed by God and that all autistic people go to heaven in Islam (or so I was told) so I take comfort in that. I’m not Muslim but I feel comforted knowing there’s a group of people who believe in me. ❤

There was a time I was watching a lot of documentaries videos on YT about JW and I have to tell you I was overwhelmed by the amount of manipulation they use on people 😱 I feel very sorry for people who are in and those who left and got abandoned by their families and friends, it's very traumatic experience 😢

Wow This resonated with me. It has been one year since i officially was excommunicated from this organisation. I felt isolated my whole life and incredibly lonely, married first guy in the cult who would take me as i was in my 30s and had a traumatic marriage. U are not allowed to separate nor divorce which i have. Being shunned allowed me to research and open my mind to how this group operates. I like many others carry the baggage, scars, loneliness however i feel a big weight removed and i feel free and happier that i now know the truth why iv been miserable my whole life.

@DanFan2042

2 ай бұрын

You are courageous and strong. Wishing you well.

@sarahgerman8593

2 ай бұрын

Being shunned may be a blessing in disguise. It took 10 years for me to completely rid myself of the brainwashing. Perhaps the enforced “time away” will bring you to new ideas, new friends, and a life that you can navigate without their ridiculous rules. Best of luck, fellow survivor 💕

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. We're all rooting for you! Nika@TeamFairy

Ugh, Jehovah's Witnesses. I was able to leave a year ago and will never ever regret it. Best decision I made for my life & mental health. My family hasn't been this happy, excited about life, relaxed and no amount of money or shunning from loved family and friends could everrrrrr pressure me enough to give up the calm peaceful free life I live now ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Good for you! Thank you for sharing this with us! Nika@TeamFairy

I can relate to Ashley. I was born into an Old Colney Mennonite Cult where my parents did not totally understand the rules and often took their frustrations out on us children. Sadistic torcher is what Iv`e come to see it as. So I can also understand that Ashley did not think she was abused as did I not. Keep up the good work that is very helpful to many..

There's a podcast called Just a little bit Culty. I would even say most religions to some degree can be culty, I grew up super conservative Church of Christ, which to me was cultish. There are many religions I consider cultish & most have an element to brainwashing, that's what a religion essentially does.

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

My whole family pretty much left the black baptist church. There was always an abundance of judging and looking down on the less fortunate which we were. Forced to go to church just to receive a voucher for food or clothing as well as twisted teachings and fear mongering. 😢

@zacky7572

2 ай бұрын

Yes, you’re right. A researcher named Steve Hassan came up with a widely used metric for recognizing cults, called the BITE Model. It’s a spectrum of religious behaviors that imposes authoritarian control. The tricky part about the model, though, is that ALL religions are guilty of things on the model. So determining whether or not a religion is a cult, with that model, is more about trying figure out if a religion is disproportionately guilty. But that does pose the question, are all of them cults? In my experience, it seems like certain religions facilitate culty behavior more than others, but it mostly comes down to the community, the congregation, and the parents (and maybe the country). For example, not everyone in my church had the same culty experience as me, because a lot of it was my parents being extreme, while other parents were not. But many other kids from that same sect as me also had culty experiences, because the religion itself is guilty of many parts of the BITE model.

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

@@zacky7572 This is one of the most intelligent comments that i've seen addressing so called C u l t s. I left the baptist church at age 21 because of Many years of useless prosperity gospel and Twisted teachings Of how far and broomstone. Lots of judgmental people that took advantage of poor and disadvantage teen mothers and scammed neighbors out of money. Yeah, people don't look at these corner churches. Victimizing Single mothers and allowing adultery between the preacher, Reverend, Deacon and the parishioyes they are not called out enough for their abuse and inductinating Generations of people. My parents left the church in the 80s.And never look back because of small town gossip and harassment When they Announced that we would not be coming back anymore. My older sisters were even harassed in high school By the mothers of the bullying church females.

@destroyraiden

2 ай бұрын

family and business are also cults in set up.

As a fellow ex jw, I just want to say that the group setting, with books, the expectation to attend meetings and to speak up at 12 step groups, is very reminiscent of the JW routine - I found it very triggering. My heart goes out to 'Ashley' and my love. If you haven't found her already, there's a lovely channel by Joanna Kujath here on YT, she's an ex jw and has some beautiful wisdom/advice tailored to people like ex jw's/ex cult members and victims of narcissistic abuse. CCF, you dealt so kindly with Ashley - thank you X

@purplefireweed

2 ай бұрын

@dawn, I understand that trigger response to 12-step programs! When I used to drink, my therapist urged me to go to AA and I gave a good try and just couldn't. It was actually here on Anna's channel and again my therapist that got me to give a try again years later after I had more healing under my belt. I have been in Al-anon for almost a year and just got a sponsor I love to pieces. Now, the same triggery things are still there, and my annoyance pops up around it now and then, but I realize I'll never be under the spell of a harmful cult again. I think pretty much all 12-step programs say "take what you want and leave the rest", which has been my anchor this last year as I navigate those triggers. As we heal, our strength and resilience and discernment emerge and though the language in certain venues may make us feel a little prickly and triggered, WE are in control of our lives now, not a little cabal of old white guys you've never met in NY!! I encourage you to try other 12-step meetings, there's TONS of online meetings you can attend without your camera and without saying a word if you don't want to. My regular group which has met for 20 yrs includes people that moved away, and is the kindest group of people trying to improve their lives I've had the privilege to count on. Sending lots of healing 💖!

It takes a strong person to talk about mental disorders, because ppl think you're crazy. You're gonna go crazy if u don't seek help & talk about what's going wrong in your life. Thank u so much Anna for helping many ppl with your wisdom & knowledge. I pray this young lady finds the peace she so desires. I'll be forever healing because I'm forever changing & evolving in life. I pray we all grow emotionally & mentally. We may have to let some ppl go, who want to hold us back from growing in wisdom & knowledge!!!

Close to Mormonism as well.

@hoedown175

2 ай бұрын

I always think of Mormons and JW’s as the cult cousins 😂

In the late 70's my Mom joined a guru cult teaching some old yoga moves as some kind of enlightenment. I did not want to participate in anything but was made to attend their schools, day camps in the summer, and they were vegetarians with strict eating rules. She took a vow of poverty with me in tow and moved us into an ashram. In summer of 1979 I found myself camping in Florida for a straight week, and the cult provided all food and drink. I was young and all I could think of was the 1978 Jonestown mass suicide at every mealtime, wondering was this going to be the meal to kill us all?

I am in a point in life that if I meet anyone who tells me that they are christian, I would probably run for the hills. Period! Right now I want absolutely nothing to do with any of them. I am not trying to offend or judge anyone. This is only my stand. We all should examine ourselves daily and know how we truly stand before GOD Almighty.

@MalikaBourne

2 ай бұрын

I was surprised when I was in that stage of recovery. I was so afraid that I would offend Christians if I said, "I'm in a different place now that I never expected." That is pretty vague and could mean anything. For the most part, no one is really listening to what anyone has to say other than what is regurgitated out of their own mouth. So I would stop at, "I grew up as a Christian." That seems to be a satisfactory place to safely bond. I may very well be an atheist but the connotation has Christians put up walls to protect themselves for some evil word that they don't understand the definition of. So I might say, I really knew the scripture and I've progressed into an "I-don't-know-ist ( "post -theist.". I'm exploring my spiritual life. Many of us who are healing, even after decades, are in an awkward place. Unless someone really wants to know your journey of recovery - it is best to focus on their feelings with respect and boundaries. We are therapists or theolognos whose job it is to reveal Santa Claus is your parents ( or not the devil). Just be at peace with where you are and be gracious without telling every details about your former cult. (It can be overwhelming and not every one is ready to hear your story.) I hope my experience helps.

@pearlygates_city

2 ай бұрын

@@MalikaBourne I appreciate your attention and time. I agree with you, being at peace where you are is paramount and sharing past cult experiences most likely is not wise, unless you are going to help someone. It is best to look ahead. What I don't understand is why would I want to bond with them? I have no interest nor desire to do that. Best!

My childhood 😢 sounds like Jehovahs witnesses

@jimmyz4321

2 ай бұрын

Yep....

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

​​@@jimmyz4321When you turned 18, you were able to Get out? Do whatever you want it to do and live life? Also if there was abuse did you report it to the authorities? 😢

@DarkroomMedia007

2 ай бұрын

​@@jimmyz4321I'm curious, did you Experience abuse? And what age did you leave it behind? I'm curious because I have came across A lot of Ex-Catholic And ex baptist church goers that had to exit stage left because of twisted teachings and witnessing sexual abuse going on in the church.

@1HorseOpenSlay

2 ай бұрын

Exactly what I was thinking. They seem so kind and nice, but there has to be 3 witnesses to confirm abuse. Most abuse is just the abuser and victim.

@mikafiltenborg7572

2 ай бұрын

🤮

that's so sad the person at 1:40 or so who doesn't understand she's been abused. but that's what it's like in an abusive family system, it's set up to protect the abuser and shame the victim. the victim is conditioned through gaslighting to not consider how they are treat as being abuse, because the stigmas are against the victim. and we're seeing in the cases of abusers, society is trying to make a defense for them. not the victims

Oh sweet lady who wrote in. Our lives are so similar with a few differences here & there. 😢 your story hit me so hard. Please love yourself enough to leave. I almost ended up where you are now. I managed to escape & so can you. You deserve so much better!! You deserve to be loved 🙏🏼❤️‍🩹

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing your encouragement for the letter-writer! Glad you are a part of our community here! Nika@TeamFairy

The line between good religion and bad religion is very thin. I had several aunts and uncles that were priests and nuns. It ran deep in the family. My father’s sister, my aunt, was a nun. My parents always abused us kids - all my childhood was abusive in so many ways - and my parents always hid this from everyone - all the time - but us kids knew it. My nun aunt would come to our house and dozens of times - secretly take me into a room - alone and tell me what wonderful parents I have - and how much Jesus loved me and how lucky I was to have them. She was totally clueless and all it did was shame me more and sadden me more. Even God was mocking me. When she died I felt no sadness. When my parents died I felt no sadness - just strangeness that they were gone and I was glad.

This comment is going to be unrelated to the video topic, but I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the work you are doing. Having a validating and guiding voice means a lot, especially when you don't know how to deal with certain issues. You've been like an "online mom" to me for one year now. It feels nice to have someone who understands and teaches you healing. Thank you, Anna!

Sounds like a JW upbringing.

Wonderful video...thank you so much. I was born into Scientology in Los Angeles, and suffered from abuse growing up, too. I'm so glad this channel exists. It helps so much. Really nails it as far as the trauma and relationships and everything. Totally relating to this. Sending love to Fairy and to all of those watching and commenting.

They don't have kids, it's the best time to separate and heal...so if she wants kids..it could be in a healthy relationship cause if not there'll be more people unhappy in this story 👁️

So pleased you posted this Anna. I came from a very strict religious background, which was all about fear. Your daily practice is fantastic. Thank you.

I would amend this title because it's not just religious cults it's any type of cult even a family system that is cult-like

I relate to this so much. I wish there was a place for people that grew up in a cult. Specifically that would be so helpful. Do you have one?

Forcing you to give your power, yourself to an imagined saviour is abuse. Atheists don’t need a god to know right from wrong, as human beings We Know. Just look at the news…and all the death and destruction in the name of somebody’s god. It’s sick, sad and backwards. Mankind will never progress to its full potential as long as people continue to believe in fantasy. The world, the universe and all it contains is beautiful and amazing. You don’t need a creator to appreciate it. I know you can be happy and healthy. I wish you well on your path to yourself. ❤️

@cindiloowhoo1166

2 ай бұрын

I do not believe in the god you don't believe in ~~~ I bid you Peace ~

Best wishes to Ashleigh. You have survived a lot, and I believe you are on the brink of now thriving! With support, you can do it. One step at a time, and you're on the healing path.💕

This reminds me of my upbringing as an orthodox Mormon and the marriage I’m currently in. I feel seen by this

I have SO much in common with the letter writer about the absolutely excruciating back and forth emotional struggle with the question to leave or stay; to trust my experience or doubt my own ability to advocate for myself. What has always helped me was to imagine my issue was my friend’s issue and what would I feel for my friend, would I judge them, or feel protective, would I encourage them to leave or tell them they aren’t trying hard enough and that still to this day helps me be more clear. I fall into doubt easily, but I’m getting stronger. I have hope for you, I hope for peace in your heart and in your life. ❤❤❤

Its funny how easy it is to identify the cult by its description. I am neurodivergent biological male and i was raised in this cult. My dad has been fairly feminine and emotionally available but he was always at work. My mum is probably neurodivergent too as she was always at home reading books and was otherwise neglectful and mentally absent (she seemed to have a double standard where shed not do anything that was traditionally a womans role (cooking, laundry, cleaning, playing with kids etc) but would demand my dad would do all the masculine roles (painting, plumbing, electricity repairs, heating repairs, construction, planning trips, buying presents etc) So a lot of the time my dad did both roles since otherwise we'd eat sandwiches for dinner again ). Probably needles to say there was a lot of disagreements between them... Around the age of 9 we moved abroad and i didn't know english so I got used to being always alone. (The temporary resident idea of JWs resonated with me then and in 15 years I never felt at home in this country) By teenagehood i learned that anything sexual was a strict taboo (mum was vocal about men being sexually crazed pigs etc ) to the extent that i felt intense guilt and shame for glancing at the underwear section in a clothing store. The cult also didn't help as they would often bring up sexual immorality and that even looking at a woman or fantasising was seen as adultery by god so I was diligent about policing my thoughts and taking "control" of my thoughts feelings and emotions (Progressively i numbed my feelings and sensations to be as flexible and as easy going as I needed to be and that's probably when my alexithymia-like symptoms started appearing ). Ive had clinical depression since about the age of 14 and started mutilating probably not too long after. At the time my parents were going through years long process of splitting up. At the age of 17 i had a crush on a neurodivergent girl in the cult and we got caught hugging in response to which there was a judicial committee where it was decided we were to not meet for the next year and a half until we were legally able to marry. With her indoctrination she started stalking and policing me online to make sure im a good husband prospect according to the cult and i started feeling like a robot in a cage with no free will. I less than gracefully powered through my abandonment melange, noped out of that situation and locked myself in my room, giving up on love and connection. I broke off with her, and stopped attending the religious meetings which amounted to losing everyone I had known. I was attending university at the time but through indoctrination and depression i still towed the cult line by not associating with people from uni. That was 8 years ago and I feel i've never recovered. I fully left the cult soon after. Ive not fallen in love since then nor even had a crush on anyone. Im in my mid twenties still dealing with depression and i feel like my youth has been wasted. I have okay social skills despite decades of isolation and exclusion but those skills are more for formal/business/stage talk from when I'd go up on stage or preaching door to door but I can't make an emotional connection when speaking with others that way. I haven't made a meaningful connection with anyone in almost 10 years and i don't know how to open up. When I try to, i think i must be trauma dumping, even when I'm trying not to, because people tend to distance themselves afterwards. Kinda feels like all I am is just a clump of trauma because that always happens when I try to speak about myself. Dating feels like a "theatre sport" since "being myself" and "opening up" doesn't work and I'm paranoid of even hinting at anything sexual (flirting) so I put on my "stage voice" - which works actually - but only short term and it all sounds exhausting and undesirable, not to mention that relationships in general feel like a trap. Nowadays i get paranoid that i sound like an incel and that ill die alone never having known love. Ive had many therapists over the years at first from the approach of depression, but more recent ones were more generic including -addictions, neurodiversity and religious background. I brought up cptsd and religious trauma syndrome since I've heard it's a possibility but each time i get the impression that the therapist is not convinced so i drop the subject. I've tried many time to get involved socially. Just few months ago I put forward a lot of effort to go out every weekend somewhere to meet people. But immediately after i'd crash into depths of depression sometimes before that night was even over and after a 3 months of this cycle I gave up trying as it didn't seem to be getting any easier. After 10 years dealing with this i still feel alone. Feels like for all my effort I'm still on the starting line. I feel I don't have a will of my own and i don't know how to "listen to my heart". I'm terrified of flirting and of the seemingly contradictory expectations that men seem to be held to - though its possibly because ive not really witnessed a healthy relationship. I feel disinterested in most things though I still try to give them a go but it kinda feels like this is my life now, i should stop fighting it and just accept im undesirable and I'll die alone. I feel like I need to reengage in my life and somehow find something to motivate me, to grow as a person or to find something that i enjoy but after all these years of searching for it I feel like i'll never find it. -I want a family, friends, a community, a hobby, a career, a home. But putting all my trauma aside for arguments sake, in todays economy, the warming climate and the geopolitical chaos, it seems that's impossible anyways.-

@alainaaugust1932

2 ай бұрын

Dear Dr. D, I feel your pain and loneliness. You’ve found a site here that somehow, or some thing, or Someone brought you to in order to help you. You sound like a lovely, intelligent young man. Your intelligence is a great asset but perhaps you haven’t been applying it to yourself. If you can solve problems in your studies and meet the challenges classes present, you can learn to apply those same skills to yourself. Step by step, one thing at a time. Friends? Relationships? With your painful background a whole friendship or relationship may be likened to eating a whole pie all at once. You can’t do it. None of us can. Our mouths aren’t big enough to open as wide as necessary to jam in a whole pie. All any of us can do is eat one bite at a time. Now here’s an example that may or may not fit but you’ll get the idea. Forget friends and relationships for a while. Focus on hello. That’s it. That’s all. It might be a bright “Hi” or a cheery “Nice day!” or just a smile. At first you won’t do it. When you force yourself to, you’ll feel weird, maybe even kinda dumb. But keep it up. Give yourself a schedule, something specific as to when you’re going to practice. Keep going and it’ll start to feel easier. Here’s the hardest part: expect no response. You’re not doing this for them. You’re doing it for yourself. If someone responds in kind, great, nice. If not, so what? Hellos are free. When, coming from deep inside yourself, you feel comfortable with so greeting others, people will feel it. They’ll respond to you. Not to your hello. To you. To the guy who feels comfortable greeting others, you. Build from there. See her Community page for her free Daily Practice. Other tools are for a reasonable fee; she deserves to be paid for her work. But for free, I’ll ask my guardian angel to speak with your guardian angel to help you step by step. Blessings.

I think the theme around pressuring a person to marry another after they had sex out of marriage is very common with religions and cults, and especially when they get an unplanned pregnancy, that's because of how absolute are the scriptures around intimacy, so in that case, to the mind of a religious person is the least of two evils. This is an issue with most religions(especially Western religions) that pressure people to get married before they get to know each other, at least on how compatible they are on sex. I dont have a problem with a person choosing to be religious, i have a problem with parents introducing them to the religion at an age they are not able to understand spirituality and are very susceptible to manipulative indoctrination messages

@mikemcc86

2 ай бұрын

i saw this and resonated, my mum and dad were forced (or at the very least heavily pressured) into a marriage when she was 18 and he was 23 since they had sex and she got pregnant. My dad was an alcoholic, they divorced when I was 3 or 4, then a string of events that led me to the current position of wishing I had never existed in the first place. Everyone has their story but my dad died to alcoholism and was never a real father, my mum left me when I was 9, manipulated out of my life by a narcissist to essentially get rid of me and leave me to my grandparents. I never realised how deep down and messed up as a person that I am til recently after something personal with a failed friendship happening and effectively I feel inside extreme torment like I'm living in hell. Chronic self blame and self hatred from childhood that was never really addressed or healed and honestly it's ripped me in 2. Raised in a semi religious household with church etc and sunday school but to explain everything would take too much time. I just live an isolated life outside of my online friends and it's desperately lonely and I do not know how to cope or function in reality and have so many regrets that are my own mistakes but tbh all I'm hoping for is the end.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

These types of family situations are awful. Sorry you have experienced that. If you're interested, try Daily Practice. It can help with the understandable fears and resentments, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy

My parents were staunch and very strict religious people-I learned my sister was sexually abused by a priest in the church and she knew that if she said anything at all- they would blame her and never stop blaming her. My father would always force us every Saturday to go "confess our sins" to the very priest that abused her. I have CPTSD thanks to religion. I think you can guess the religion we were.

@melliecrann-gaoth4789

2 ай бұрын

It’s all so horrible and unfortunately other families had the same attitude. I hope she can tell her story now and go after them- the church- a new bunch of zealots are ascending- the laity- it’s all about the business of broadening ministry and the pope etc, however the dysfunctional dance continues

I was told by my nun aunt that Jesus has been so good to me because he gave me such a wonderful and loving mother and father for parents. Meanwhile - my parents were hiding the abuse they were constantly dishing out to us kids. Now all seven of us are grown and have different degrees of CPTSD. My pathetic aunt nun was so ignorant and void of the reality - and there was nothing we could do but shame ourselves. And we lived in constant shame every day. I despise my nun aunt - along with the church. Thank you Anna for bringing this out. May the real God bless you. I could write volumes and volumes on religious abuse. I know all about it. Thank you again Anna

Oh Ashleigh, I can so relate to what you have written. Please don't waste your life in staying in your 'marriage.' You are still so young and you have your whole life in front of you. Many women leave their marriages. You are not alone my love ❤❤❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your encouragement for the letter-writer! Nika@TeamFairy

I understand the writer so much, although I didn't grow up in a cult. But I grew up in a hard narcissistic family, which is very similar. I stayed with an abuser for 18 years and leaving him was the best thing I did to save myself. I also felt scared and full of toxic shame, but I had to jump from the cliff and do it anyway. I have never repented, so I am sending the writer courage!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment. Nika@TeamFairy

@melliecrann-gaoth4789

2 ай бұрын

They have very similar dynamics- cults and narcissistic families

You have better things to worry about, but I want to share this nevertheless. I now know I have and had cPTSD. I was extremely drawn to tattoos and after a long path out of much of my trauma I am not getting them removed. In retrospect they came from an unhealthy place and I know many people who come to the same conclusion down the line (who also had cPTSD). This can e.g. be "to want to have some things directly on your body because then you cannot lose them" or "to want SOMETHING permanent and be in control over your body" or "to dissociate from who you are by looking differently and hiding behind symbols and ink" This might not apply to you but I'll share it because I wish more people had spoken up to me as well. Often we have "to see for ourselves" later. I hope you find your path and way with everything, you deserve love and goodness.

Yes, it's true. Most legit religions view marriage as a free choice, between 2 consenting parties who are mature enough to make that decision. There's so much marriage advice out there, like she said, that tells you to "tend it like a garden", but that's assuming it's a healthy marriage to begin with. Sadly, so many religious people miss the point, and try to apply all of this biblical marriage advice to marriages that are unhealthy and abusive. I can relate to her struggle with ending it. Most people look at "the world" and how worldly people discard a marriage or a relationship too soon without actually doing the work of healing and repairing a relationship. However, it takes discernment to know when to end a marriage and when to work it out. I think, in this case it's pretty obvious.

Ashley, I hope you get healing. I resisted leaving someone for 10 years due to abandonment melange, please please try the daily practice. I'm sending you a lot of love, Ashley. Its hard, but have courage! You can heal yourself!

I would love to get an update on this person ❤ I support you , I understand ❤ Love and hugs

The daily practice has been incredibly helpful. I've also started journaling and that helps too. For me, writing is more helpful than talking.

So much damage from this cult.

Survivor of a religious cult as an adult.

This is a Good One!!!

I find it hard to relate to people in these what seem like rare and extreme scenarios, being in a culture

KZread, please restore the 10-second back and forward option.

Hi Anna well my story goes like this when I was 8 I was walking across a baseball diamond going home for lunch I was pushed up against the wall by two boys in my class I ran home told my religious mom and dad what happened my parents went to the school and told them I made this happen I was a very quiet girl didn’t have many friends I was grounded my parents didn’t want anyone in the church to know I had a hard time in school because I couldn’t consintrate I was told or your just stupid I still remember the boys who tried to assault me that day I am now 72 I was baptist when It all happened!

Oh this dear, sweet girl. I could have written this. Our stories are very parallel. I’m so glad she found her way out. It’s been 24 years for me. I’d love to connect with her, and am here if she ever wants to reach out. Much love to this brave soul.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy

There are organizations that will help you.

This womans traumatic story reminds me of the similarities form the book THE HANDMAIDS TALE, the form of being a slave

Good to know. Thanks

i am Just Wondering what group this could possibly be

@NotoriousPND429

2 ай бұрын

Jehovah's Witnesses

O_O I wasn't the perfect *wife?* Oh my friend, you don't HAVE to be. This guy wronged you in the WORST way and who cares what he thinks or feels or wants? You deserve everything good and he deserves absolutely nothing.

True, evil to the core, face of the devil behind the pulpit, I saw it

So good I'm putting this video on again

Its not easy to leave even when you have the strength. Alot of these people don't have money the funds to leave even a normal relationship so people will stay in unhappy marriages, partnerships. After the pandemic the price of rental houses you need another person. Alot people stay because the cost is to high for poor people and when you have children in breaks them to.

Do your very best to get help and begin your recovery. I’m with you, Ashley. Look up Stockholm Syndrome.

She is so helpful.

Thank you

happens among "friends," too.

Had to get off jury duty for parents charged with horrendous abuse of 12 children in their household. Trembling to state why to the judge, I said I could not even listen to the first round of jury choosing questions. Perhaps the sight of a 69 year old woman still incapacitated by childhood physical and sexual abuse had an impact. No amount of abuse is acceptable.

Lookin’ Good Anna!

I have a suggestion if anyone is reading why dont we make a group where we all can be distant friends supporting each other ...

Sounds like Jehovahs Witnesses.

@quicksilver2446

2 ай бұрын

IT IS JW's !!!!

I grew up in the main stream religions you should talk about their beliefs also.

The plain old Baptist Church can be abusive. When I was 13 (1975), I got outted as gay and had people I respected telling me I was going to hell. Once you get that message, what kind of punishment do you fear? Detention? Spanking? I laughed at all that. I became the worst kind of thug, but I was looking for belonging. I don't have to tell you the kind of people who offered belonging. It's a wonder I survived. I got my 20-year medallion from NA last October and wondered why I was still such a mess until I encountered these videos. I'm unsure if I've completely bought in, but I think I'm on the right track.

When you are a group and there are absolute truth claims then we are dealing with a sekt. To limit that to religions that is just rich. Also there are groups that have a monopoly on what is right and wrong so those are in control of truth. We call those political systems. So we are factually being controlled by political sekts with also being forced to obey their rules.

@carlismycat

2 ай бұрын

The pharma system has gotten people in the cult brainwashing mentality through their fake scientific claims as fact (Not ALL are wrong, just a lot of specific thinds are wrong )

I am also sn ex-JW. Amazing how familiar this story is. I've heard it so many times. Invract I had to question whether this was written by someone I know. It even could be my personal story with a few minor changes.

OMG this!

I married at 20 to escape my abusive family and left him at 27, after I had a terrible car accident and he was not there for me at all. Demanded I should keep mothering him from the hospital bed. It took me 1 year to get back to work and out of the wheel chair. In the end, i was physically ruined, financially broke , in a 1 room apartment with my cat. And after getting those keys, I would lay on the floor and felt soooooo free! Nobody nagging on me, demanding sex, putting me down with words! I was FREE from living with abusors for the first time in my life. I remember it clearly. I never regretted leaving at all. I can only recommend every person who gets abused in their marriage, to leave. Leave, leave, leave. You can do it. Get help. Get a friend involved, get a doctor involved, a group, an organization.... whatever you need. Just go and be free and you will blossom like a flower, I promise you that. 🌷

@fiction589

2 ай бұрын

My situation now: 38, i have 2 best friends, am very popular. I have a lovely job at a University, a lovely home city central, financially stabile, a partner who loves me (but still recovers from his own CPTSD). My cat died in old age, my dog keeps me busy and I walk 10 000 steps a day easily. 12 years after my terrible accident that almost killed me, and injured my spine, I came off daily pain meds two weeks ago 🥳 I want to give you all hope: your life can turn around 180 degrees, if you keep moving! Get help, get active, get free. Also important: distance yourself from all friends and family, who you feel not supported by. No need to cut off contact if you dont want to. But get a good distance. They drain your energy, that you need to get stuff done in your life. No more leeches. I have never been happier than today. I love my life. ❤😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Yay! It’s so good to hear success stories like this! Thank you SO much for sharing it with us. I'm sure it will be an encouragement for other folks here! Keep up the great work and stay happy! Nika@TeamFairy