Pillow Talks EPISODE 6: This is why your partner won't work on your relationship with you and how

Do you think that relationships should be effortless?
Or that having to work on your relationship means there's something wrong?
Or does your partner think these things?
A lot of people think that they should only need to put effort into their relationship to solve serious problems. Or they wait until things are really bad to start putting in effort.
But your relationship CAN NOT survive without effort.
In this episode, we reframe "work" in a completely different - and much more helpful, effective, and fun! - way.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The specific reasons why so many people are hesitant to work on their relationships, including some insight from Xander about why men in particular are so resistant.
- How to start the conversation about wanting to improve you relationship, together.
- Specific responses your partner might have to your requests, and how to effectively address them.
- Identifying how to get the best "bang for your buck", so working on your relationship doesn't even feel like work!
Timestamps:
[0:47] The moment I asked Xander to go to therapy
[3:35] The top 7 things couples want to work on
[5:05] What does it mean to “work on” your relationship?
[7:29] The unique way we reframe what “working on your relationship” means
[11:00] The specific things we do to work on our own relationship
[13:33] The reasons why people hesitate to work on their relationships
[18:08] Why men in particular have a hard time working on relationships
[21:57] How to start the conversation with your partner
[23:22] Finding the positives
[25:01] Discover your reasons for wanting to work on the relationship
[26:49] Don't use the word “work”
[28:27] Taking the teamwork approach
[29:20] Identifying your easy wins
[31:46] Troubleshooting your partner's potential responses
[32:00] Listener question: "My partner thinks we only need counseling if it ever gets so bad that I think about leaving them."
[33:56] Listener question: "My partner thinks our relationship is fine and that I'm just nitpicking."
[37:41] Listener question: "I'll make specific requests, but then my partner never follows through."
[40:41] Listener question: "My partner lashes out at me and says I'm not perfect either."
[43:46] Listener question: "My partner says, 'I'm a terrible person. Why are you even with me?"
[46:45] Listener question: "My partner says, 'I don't feel like talking about this now' or 'let's talk about this later."
Links & Resources:
Video: Improve Your Relationship - How To Follow GOOD Relationship Advice
• Improve Your Relations...
Guide: The Simple Daily Check-In Every Couple Needs To Be Doing Right Now
www.vmtherapy.com/check-in
Masterclass: Bring Your Sex Life Back to Life
vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/brin...
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Want your questions answered on the show? Send us a DM or voice memo @vanessamarintherapy, or leave us a message at +1-774-PIL-LOW1. We’d love to hear from you!

Пікірлер: 4

  • @DanielleNicoleMakeup
    @DanielleNicoleMakeup3 жыл бұрын

    So Vanessa, I am a financial advisor (I hate that label because I do so much more than manage investments) but in the service industry, a term I learned a long time ago was when we know an idea/solution would better their situation, we would say, "do you think having a _blank_ would help you by _blank_?" So for example, do you think having this solution where you are protected from the market crashing while still participating in market gains would help you with your goals in retirement? So it got my thinking "hey hun, would you be open to/do you think we would benefit from taking an additional 10 minute a day to _blank_ would bring us closer" or something to that effect? Sometimes wording things in that way brings light to WHY these things are fantastic to add to your toolbelt

  • @vanessaandxander

    @vanessaandxander

    3 жыл бұрын

    Love that!

  • @rosygarcia6442
    @rosygarcia64423 жыл бұрын

    How can I detect my needs? I feel like it’s hard for me to find what I want and instead my confusion results in frustration with my partner

  • @vanessaandxander

    @vanessaandxander

    2 жыл бұрын

    Hi Rosy! We love recommending journaling to our clients when they want to clear on how they feel/what they need. It's not the sexiest recommendation, but it really works to get your ideas and feelings out!