Transcript available on Substack darrenfmagee.substack.com/p/one-question-to-ask-if-a-narcissist

@Shut-up-Shelly

Ай бұрын

Is that the USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1701 BACK THERE??? That’s awesome!! ❤I love it!!!

@DarrenFMagee

Ай бұрын

It is indeed

They won’t change because it’s never their fault!! They don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.

@WildflowerAnn

15 күн бұрын

💯

Get back together? NO, is a complete sentence.

@davidsalo8397

Ай бұрын

It won't be any different the second or seventeenth time. These people do not change, IMHO.

@jignajoshipura9947

Ай бұрын

Agreed.

@sleepydoppy8516

Ай бұрын

Funny

@waynec369

Ай бұрын

Can confirm.

@MassageandReiki-ee5xg

28 күн бұрын

No no no no na no no…noodelodeonnnnn

The moment there mouth opens there manipulating or lying

@avanellehansen4525

Ай бұрын

My covert narcissist neighbor hovered me after four years of no contact. Wanted to walk my dog, “it’s the only dog my dog likes”, etc. Still wouldn’t take no as an answer. Blocked.

One friend divorced her abusive husband only for him to tell her how very much he missed her. She asked what he missed about her and he said, "Your California hamburgers." Needless to say, she did not go back.

@IsabellaPiesch

Ай бұрын

The hamburgers sure were very well cooked. I hope she took it as a compliment. Narcissists hardly ever give compliments. But I know she wanted to hear that he loves her (but even those sentence is tricky with a narcissist - because you always have to translate it: I love to use you --- and here we are with the Hamburger-cooking).

@Portia620

Ай бұрын

Sounds about right! They want the awesome things about you while they cheat on us! My ex needed a cook, maid, and free a. E. X. Which he thogutn was awesome and still needed people on the side. It’s a hole that will never be filled with them! Never

@anacristinamoura881

Ай бұрын

Emotionally they are 4 years old kids. They didn't develop properly.

@MizrahiChick

Ай бұрын

Reminds me of when my late and I split up. He was furious that my new bf gt to eat the food I cooked. Fine with him sleeping with me.

@csgecko

26 күн бұрын

/r/thatneverhappened

If you know, they are a narc? You never win. RUN! RUN for your life 🏃

@cherobinson6371

Ай бұрын

Never speak a word again to them.

@seanwagner7426

Ай бұрын

You do win the moment you move on and leave them to suffer.

@melaniesheppard778

28 күн бұрын

Run for your life then your work begins. You’ve got this. 100%

Nothing changes,absolutely nothing, 2000%.

@ms.x1669

Ай бұрын

In fact, it gets worse

@rubyparchment5523

Ай бұрын

It gets worse.

@pinatacolada7986

Ай бұрын

If you ask them "What will change?" they will lie and future fake. But if you ask "What are you trying to achieve?" they won't be able to answer.

@RobMatch-ev1qx

Ай бұрын

Yes, usually, but I’ve seen, firsthand, dramatic cognitive change after I threatened divorce to force therapy. Still wait for the consistent behavioural change though.

@stubbsmusic543

Ай бұрын

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

I go off their actions only. Nothing else. When someone does the song and dance of how much they are in love with you, etc, but not doing the simplest of errands, they don't care.

@isay207

Ай бұрын

Love is an act not words

@jshillkiller2262

Ай бұрын

​@@isay207action

@clintonnagy1662

21 күн бұрын

Keeping their WORD. Once they stop backing up what they say, I'm done. Trust is broken.

After the first rage and begging to be forgiven I asked this question. I got a blank stare. I knew then I was dealing with someone who isn’t playing with a full deck. Took a year, but I’m free and healing.

@davidsalo8397

Ай бұрын

Never look back! Blessings.

@howard1beale

Ай бұрын

Congrats. It takes as long as it takes. It won't take you as long next time

@matikramer9648

Ай бұрын

Congrats cause they can be sticky Never go back, never

@jignajoshipura9947

Ай бұрын

Wisest decision you took

@nathlete87

Ай бұрын

Thank y’all for the encouraging words. It’s still pretty fresh, seeing these affirming comments keeps me feeling positive.

The best way to end a relationship with a toxic narcissist is to tell them “I don’t trust you, and everybody knows the Why.”.

@caroleminke6116

13 күн бұрын

I did just that… he disappeared

Mine said he'd "spend the rest of his life making it up to me." No thanks🤣

@kathleendubois7128

Ай бұрын

Well done to you❤

@WildflowerAnn

15 күн бұрын

The narcissists will go right back to manipulating you, berating you, tearing you down, blame shifting, projecting and then gaslighting you by saying it’s not real. As a matter of fact, the ONLY thing that will change is the abuse will be turned up. It will be worse because you will have to be punished after all is said and done.

The most consistently mind blowing thing that happens whenever I watch these types of videos is how my eyes will open so wide and my jaw drops to the floor when I hear something that happened to me that is EXACTLY the phrase or situation being talked about as a common narcissistic behavior. Sometimes I think I understand the concept well enough to spot it, and then I realize how much just goes right over my head. I value people who are willing to walk others through this stuff because the layers are quite baffling. Thanks for the video

@IKARIANOFFICIAL

19 күн бұрын

@Midnightmagic_ Yep, once you get to know more about narcissists behavior you start to learn they become quite predictable. My first ex called me up out of the blue after 12 years divorced and she tells me "I've changed and I'm so sorry for how I treated you!"....And a part of me wanted to believe her even though I had no desire to ever get back with her again, but I was happy to hear her apologize for once and that maybe she really did change. Long story short, she did change alright, but for the worse! She was very upset I didn't want her back and was more narcissistic than ever. These people are pretty much not able to change. I'm convinced.

@Midnightmagic_

18 күн бұрын

​@@IKARIANOFFICIAL dang, sorry you had to go through that. totally get wanting to believe your ex changed, but also very on brand that things got worse. it's hard to make that decision whether to detach completely or cut them some slack. I think you're right about them not changing. Best I've heard is that they can learn tools to know when it's time to self-correct, but the secret ingredient that's missing is empathy, and everything falls apart without that. I hope you find someone worth the wait

sometimes hoovering occurs through triangulation. That is, the abuser may attempt to reach you by befriending a common friend.

@Sheri-sb1yr

Ай бұрын

NO....they just TAKE OVER the EX FRIENDS and FAMILY.

@rl453

Ай бұрын

One really tried. Sent friend requests to ALL of my close friends. So odd.

Indeed - what would be different? And the answer is NOTHING because whether you have been apart for 20 days or 20 years what hasn’t changed is them!

@korab.23

Ай бұрын

Oh it changes. It gets worse each time.

The simplest question is always the one you never think of asking. Thank you for sharing this.

Genuine questions build good relationships and repel unhealthy ones. I don't miss the "deer in headlights" response. Lol

@pixie3458

22 күн бұрын

This is so familiar to me... Several guys I have dated have reacted like that to reasonable questions

So simple, yet so brilliant! Thank you

My ex’s answer was that the problem in the relationship was all me and not him (in other words he would not change). Needless to say he is still my ex

You've really hit the nail on the head. They think they can use words to charm their target. That's because it often works for needy lonely codependent people

@mammadingo9165

Ай бұрын

Or stupid people like myself

@sayusayme7729

Ай бұрын

🤍

@Sheri-sb1yr

Ай бұрын

He just constantly continues to kill me with kindness because I still am an object that has something he wants, not needs, and I know his VILE and DISGUSTING behaviors, plus he doesn't want me to be more successful than him.

@howard1beale

Ай бұрын

@@Sheri-sb1yr I know how outraged you feel now but believe Mr if you rotk in your OWN recovery in a short time you will feel completely indifferent to him snd then you'll be free Recovery doesn't mean like recovering from flu. It means reassessing your whole life thru the lens of this person who you were attracted to. You need to looked exactly what you thought you would get from this relationship and then really be honest about why you stayed despite numerous disappointments snd painful situations caused by him in the relationship. Then think snout which of your parents or close family members when you were a child treated you the same way

@kathleendubois7128

Ай бұрын

​@mammadingo9165 no not stupid, they are really really convincing and can fool people. Plus if you are kind and loving you are coming from a good place, don't blame yourself.

I'm a narcissist magnet. Once I break off a friendship with one of these individuals, they let some years elapse before trying again. The incident that caused the breakup is never alluded to. No apologies are offered. Instead, they call me up, out of the blue, with some horrendous story. One ex-friend said she'd just adopted her neighbor's 3 children after their mother was murdered by their father. (This turned out to be a complete fabrication; neither the neighbors nor their children even existed.) Another former friend phoned after 5 years to tell me about being attacked outside a gay bar and nearly killed. This story was true, but the fact that he used it to get my pity and try to rope me back in was pretty weird. Both of these people wanted to avoid having to admit they'd been wrong, and tried to distract me by describing their involvement in dreadful incidents. (Interestingly, in one of them, the narcissist was a hero. In the other, a victim.) Don't let people do this to you! Apologizing for bad behavior won't guarantee that a person's NOT a narcissist, but if they can't even get that far, simply end the conversation as soon as you can, and avoid all further contact.

When I decided to take my ex narc back, he immediately diagnosed me in his head with a mental health disorder that I don't have. 8 months go by. In the last letter he wrote me before I went no contact, he told me that he used this to excuse all MY bad behavior 🙄

@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753

Ай бұрын

Oh, yeah, know that one!

@helenharland6050

Ай бұрын

Which one did he use to excuse his own?

@kellyandaaron2005

Ай бұрын

@@helenharland6050 Borderline Personality Disorder. Many years ago I witnessed the suicide of my partner & was diagnosed with PTSD. I went through many years of weekly therapy to process the trauma. I worked hard and was very proud of myself for making it through such pain. He said he researched it & found out that most people with CPTSD also have BPD, so he made his fake diagnosis. Completely bonkers. I'm overall a very calm person who uses the tools I learned in therapy to handle difficult situations. He was one of the most deregulated emotional human I've ever met. Pure projection.

@kellydalstok8900

Ай бұрын

@@kellyandaaron2005 That’s what the narcissistic ex husband of a former friend of mine did, he told everyone she had borderline personality disorder. He even got an acquaintance tell child protection services that my friend posed a threat to herself and their child, so the boy was taken away from her and placed in his “care”. My friend was damaged and an easy target, because she had lost her brother through suicide. Even though I only met her about a year after the abduction (there is no other way to describe how the child was ripped away from her care) of her 5 year old child, I could tell she is a very gentle woman who wouldn’t hurt a fly. She’s a former friend now, because since my son died I can no longer deal with her problems.

@kellyandaaron2005

Ай бұрын

@@kellydalstok8900 Absolutely heartbreaking 💔 These people are monsters. I'm incredibly thankful that I didn't have children with my ex. It would have been a nightmare.

Spot on, Darren. I know 2 such people and neither seems capable of taking responsibility and admitting that they too made mistakes.

@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753

Ай бұрын

#1 Classic Problem that makes everything unsolvable!

Future faking isn't a change.

Thank you. That was beautiful cuts right through the lies.

"My life is empty without you" is NOT what I want to hear. I take responsibility for living a fulfilling life. I'm not interested in getting together with someone who's not enough of a grownup to do the same.

@coininban

29 күн бұрын

The one I got was "I'm miserable here and I don't want to go on in this weird world without you." I wasn't sure how that type of message helps in any way with how they lied to me and wronged me.

@SuzannaLiessa

28 күн бұрын

@@coininban Seriously. Like any of this has anything to do with us or what was done to us. The best response is always dead air, but I would be very tempted to respond to the implied suicide threat with "Okay."

I went no contact with my best friend because of his constant enabling of his highly toxic and narcissist wife. This response to hoovering attempts is what I've been desperately looking for. Merci !!!

This is so precise!! All of this, literally every example- happened to me. Its shocking to hear, but also tells me I was right to walk away. I also asked, when he attempted hoovering a few months ago; what would be different? Have you been to therapy? He said; I want things to be exactly how they were. I answered "that will not be working for me, and I am not interested'

@helenharland6050

Ай бұрын

Haha. I read the comments before watching the video and I thought he was vacuuming the floors.

"I am not your enemy" told me my narcissistic mother but I didn't believe her.

I asked the narcissist who was in my life the question, "If I did just what I know about to you what you did to me, would you give me another chance?" Her response: 🤨 My response: 🤣

@pixie3458

22 күн бұрын

That is familiar. My ex had photos of his exes on display... I asked him 'what would you think if I did the same?' He replied 'I would think you were weird' 😂

There is one person that no matter what nice things they do or gifts they try to give, it is now all tainted by that I don't trust them and don't feel comfortable while they are about.

I've been asked 4 times and the question in my mind if I'm asked again has been very much like this...what will you change, what will you do differently...because I know that the change MUST come from them. Of course I now know that she will neer truly change so I'm out of there for good. Oh, and I'm happy now!

I was emotionally abused by my father as a child and I carried this behavior into my marriage. It damaged my wife. A lot of what I did looked like narcissistic behavior. I don't know if I have that or not, but I feel awful for not getting help sooner. I acknowledged my harms without reservation. I am now in therapy, sober, going to AA meetings, and have scheduled an inpatient treatment center to heal my past traumas. Unfortunately, too little too late. I miss my wife terribly.

@vickietrub2236

Ай бұрын

you realized that and admitted and seeking gor help. 😢 reach your wife and see if there is a chance

@evilbarbie2160

Ай бұрын

You're on the right path by cleaning your own stuff up. Proof of change takes time and some longevity. Try to focus on your healing now, let go and let God... love is like a butterfly, if you let it go and it comes back to you, then its truly yours. You will become a new person doing the inner work. And you need to focus on you not you and someone else to get the most out of it. If I were her, best thing I could think of as amends from you at this point, would be you to offer and pay for any kind of therapy I felt would benefit me most to recover from the harm you caused. That could with time give you an opportunity in the future, BUT don't expect it, your concern should be her happiness with or without you. Same for yourself. Much love.❤

@jeriwoodrow5855

Ай бұрын

@@evilbarbie2160I loved your comment, very astute and insightful! I can tell you are very intelligent and empathetic to others while being compassionate to yourself. I hope you are living your best life. God Bless you. I don’t think you are evil Barbie at all! 🙏❤️

@evilbarbie2160

Ай бұрын

@@jeriwoodrow5855 thank you for your kind words. Still working on redefining and living my best life. The name has always been an adults only "grown up" inside joke. I could be a devastatingly effective narcissist with all my experiences being taken advantage by them... BUT I choose not to be like them, their actions are their choices, and there needs to be consequences.. I have to much empathy for others, and now I have hard limits on who receives it. But... no narcissist is safe from my abilities to call them out in a most humbling manner. Like Chronicles of Riddick, I'm a different kind of evil 😈 🤪

This was a Helpful Conversation…I think an important aspect to this (that I have experienced myself) is it does not matter how many years it has been since you were in the relationship - decades even. I believe the narc is always trying to fill in the gaps where they are bored or not in a relationship presently and if you come in contact you look like a new prospect (for 5 minutes. ) Do not fall for it !! That is why this question was Grand ( even if you do not ask it, I Love the thought for considering it and probably answering for yourself that Nothing would change - or maybe be worse because now the Narc is older.) The part that I do think is WORTHY to keep mentioning…is the dang love bombing…wow someone acting like they are head over heals, flowers, etc should not have to be a red flag.

I walked away few times, not knowing nothing about narcissism yet.. It was just simple common sence. And I witnessed results of going many times, paying very dearly for it Thank you for a tip I'll try not forget it. That is the key ingredient, I think

My Sanity has returned and feel better. Not scared, anxious or dreading. Should have done this 3 years ago DONE!

Completely correct, only interoception on their part would lead to a way forward. Its highly unlikely. Asking for the winning lottery numbers is a better question. 😂

there is NO fixing them PERIOD

Darren this is very simple and very insightful. Thank you

What you said near the conclusion rings true: I was asked if I wouldn't like to give hi/us another chance. I said no. Because I had already given a million chances in the course of our 13 years together. I wouldn't as that question you suggested because I already knew the answer: Nothing.

Hello Darren that is crazy kind of forcing someone being your friend! 😂. There are plenty of fish in the sea...

@jodi578

Ай бұрын

Better Fish for Sure 😂😂 !! At 55 I have learned to Celebrate this Truth. Matthew 12:30 “He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.” I have quickly learned, how right this is when comparing friendships and acquaintances as well. I am not willing to spend time on insincere relationships of any kind. Just think if we All do this, the narcs will be left to their own judgement. I laugh at the thought. 🤭

my favorite comeback nothing is ever your fault, what is the last time you said sorry for anything ? than laugh and walk away a question they never answer and laughing makes them crazy because they want to control and manipulate, you did not give them the reaction they wanted

2:57 i felt that, you know someone well enough to know its all bulls-*%😢

yes actually it's a good question. and yes actually, they will never answer to that.

One of the best videos about narcissisam. So SPOT On.... So crucial ...Every word resonates. It will be just new reprolise of love bombing for few months, 🤯...until , One day, you discover .... that something sinister is happening (all that time) , behind your back... Some , property deals, guertilla pregnancies, secret spendings, career changes, or ... who knows what. 👍👌👏👏👏

Excellent advice for any troubled relationship, thank you. 😊

They want to go back to the same way it was when they were happy. Regardless of how anyone else was impacted or felt about it. Regardless how crazy. I'm keenly reminded of turning 18 and GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE, and upset pop was, it seemed to me like he wanted me to go back to 12...

It is a very thought provoking question. Although I am unable to leave, it helps me clarify how I have to behave to have even a few moments of peace. It makes the need for radical acceptance even more evident. Your analysis and explanation are powerful and presented in the kindest way. Thank you.

You have nailed it Darren. Exactly the case. Spot on!

Darren, this is a really helpful video for me. Thank you so much! I didn't know what narcissism is until last week, but thank God I kept standing up to him and was on my way out of the relationship after only 3 months. I hadn't yet heard what hoovering is, but that's what he just did to me IMMEDIATELY after I signed and notarized the annulment papers... but the next week he dropped me cold with his #1 specialty, the silent treatment. That was painful in a 'cured me' kind of way. Thank God! 😅

In an inspired moment, sat down one day and figured out my point of no return. I told him the boundary and kept trying up to the point he crossed it and held him to it. Best thing I could have done.

My ex was messaging acting so kind and caring again (after almost killing me) I replied that I was very sick and it could be life threatening…you may think this was terrible and I would never usually say this to anyone! But in this case I wanted to prove how my exes love was absolute BS. I sent the message, it took a long time to get a reply and the reply was not standard or normal. It demonstrated that my ex didn’t even care if I died. They just want you for convenience and benefits. If you’re gone and dead then you’re not very beneficial and they will jump ship.

Easiest simplest thing to do is……..NEVER EVER LOOK BACK…….EVER AND EVER AMEN

This should be taught in highschool 🔥

I guessed the question correctly in advance! That is... what has changed? Any signs of taking responsibility? Not boasting, just realizing that I've had lots of hands on practice that's helping me to learn the ropes of the narcissist's ways.

My mom would send a short "I love you" a few days before her birthday or before Christmas. I gave up asking for what I needed. The last time we spoke and she poo poo'd what I was sharing, I asked her, "could you not, just one time, say something like, "I'm happy for you", or just "good for you"? And she immediately replied, "NO! You are putting words in my mouth!" That's when I realized I would never hear a kind thing from her, ever. Bye bye. But apparently I'M the bad guy. 🙄

narc will play the victim card, they will say 'what will change? whatever argument between us in the future will be my mistake, you will have no wrong, ok?'. narc is the master of playing the mind. every word that came out of their mouth have many other meaning and will change over time totally pointless in my case.

Thank you Darren. Such a powerful, accurate, loaded short video. You understand this. Thanks for talking about this all.

Have you ever covered how a weak person can avoid a narcissist or what kind of person gets taken advantage of by narcissists? Might be helpful for weak people (to discover their weaknesses).

@foxitt2266

Ай бұрын

Weak in what way exactly?

I love your humour and clarity of thought and tactic! Always enjoy your videos, thank you 👌

Another fantastic segment, Darren. Thank you.

When I want people to answer their questions it’s not because I want to hear them. Most of the time I already knew the answers. I just needed to see them hear themselves speak out loud. The first change happens with the change of attitude.

Thank you so much! One of the best tipps in this matter! 👍👍👍

The timing of this video was right on for me. Your content is so helpful. Thank you!

Excellent advice as always. Great examples. Thanks Darren

Thank you for this video. I was able to take notes on 3 new (to me) ideas from it!

Relationships aren’t 50/50 they are supposed to be 100/100!

Thank you for this content .

Very helpful. Thank you ☺️👍

Narcissistic abuse fallout can make someone completely avoid serious relationships or trusting people again, the instinct to feel loved or love becomes something to avoid altogether, love is the root of all evil

@christineceralde

12 күн бұрын

I agree with everything except the last sentence. Love is NOT evil. Evil is evil. What people think is love, is evil.

I cannot take this video seriously You never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever. Give them another chance to lie to you.

@triumph.over.shipwreck

23 күн бұрын

Listening is a skill, perhaps one you'd do well to work on.

Sometimes the toxic person over time works at it to make you to be the narcissist and when their toxic comes out and discards then they act like they are the normal person and you are the one at fault with all the issues. Its like a setup after years together

Helpful!!! Thanks!

“I don’t want a divorce. She wants to get married as soon as we sign the divorce papers and I don’t want that!” Me: “Get out. Now.”

In my 20’s I used to refer to my mother as a Push-me-Pull-You.

We shouldn't forget that narcissists are very intelligent at the game they play with their victims. They always have a card under their sleeves to play when the situation turns against them. They'll never give their victim a straightforward answer to their question. 😢

He went to Mexico for a year. YaY. He returned to the city, then came calls. Big offer, " you know you didnt progress in the year i was away, you need me, im willing to hug you if you can change and be nicer to me". He discarded me 3 yrs ago, and THIS is supposed to be enticing. HA!

"If I lie to you yet again will that do to get you back only to hurt you again and again?" 😮😊😂 Narc=Shark🦈

Giving them an umpteenth chance? He always turned it into him giving ME another chance. When in fact it was the opposite.

Good one. Thank you

Thank you so much for your brilliant advice Darren. It's so hard to live with a person like this. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde personalities that they have. Everyone is an object to them.

"If we get back together, what would be different? What would change?" For a manipulative abuser, that *is* an *easy* question to answer. They'll lie their ass off about how they'll totally treat you with respect and decency. Like they'll let you speak instead of talking over you, and they've got their explosive temper under control, and they'll put you first, and so on... Essentially whatever they think you want to hear. If they are good at what they do, they'll keep it up long enough to entrench themselves back into your life and make themselves very difficult and costly to remove from your life again, and then the facade will drop.

He doesn't want to end, doesn't want to live, doesn't want to take responsibility doesn't want to take accountability. He label you victim mindset when you speak about emotional maturity, self-reflection, empathy and kindness.. They lack so many skills and qualities which makes us human hence run for your life once you recognize they are narcissistic person. They will never change for anyone..

Getting strong enough to distance yourself from all nacicistic in your life is a sign of inner growing and the best way to save useless energy vaste.🙏

I’m trying to deal with feelings of retroactive anger. I used to allow so much verbal abuse and contempt, and now years later the thoughts and memories assail me and make me angry and sad. We’re still together and things have improved greatly. He’s not a total narcissist, in other words, and changed his behavior. But the anger is now part of my psyche. I wonder what to do about it. Perhaps my inability to confront my partner now is a testament to my passivity which allowed the abuse in the first place.

Darren, You have no clue how many people come to Ayahuasca ceremonies who've been completely traumatized by narcissistic abuse (mostly men as false society has trumpeted the "modern woman" of being a cold, cruel, calculated parasitic snake as if they're some sort of endearing attributes, lol !). And in the ceremonies they get all the truthful answers and infinitely more than they were initially looking for (spiritually speaking). I was just in a ceremony a few nights ago where 6 of the 17 participants were men and came to the ceremony because they have been completely depleted by their female narcissist partner...and Since eye am an expert on the subject Mama Ayahuasca and I healed them all in spectacular fashion far beyond any words can describe..You're doing an outstanding job raising awareness ! Much love !! You're a Spiritual Warrior my friend !! : - )

She has an email that is very clear all she needs to do is acknowledge that someone else hurt me. She can't even manage that.

They love to use love to control others.

How do you actually get into a relationship with a narcissist?. After a few hours of being around a narcissist I’ve had enough of it for a good few weeks

I think, what he's trying to say is .....they aren't going to change! Lolol

While I do believe anyone can change the question is, will they? My personal experience has shown me that the won't. My now deceased narcissistic father was the same right until the Iast that saw him before his health took a turn. He was 78 then. Okay? I was away from him and mother basically 30 years-military and college in another state- and they had only gotten older but still the same ways that drove me away. Okay? I read this, which basically summarizes it: "A snake only sheds its skin to become a bigger snake." Save yourself a lot of pain, frustration, disappointment, accept what is and, if you choose to, find someone who will respect and appreciate you.✌️

lol the part that stood out to me: “They’ll be so used to you doing their thinking and problem solving for them, that they’ll expect you to answer your own question.” 100%. They live on their own planet. There will never be an acknowledgment that they wrecked the relationship and are completely incapable of anything other than wrecking relationships. It’s a complete waste of time. There is no point in going back or entertaining their fanciful daydreams. I no longer respond to messages like these. I only respond to messages regarding the children. I have finally learned how to handle him. I WILL have a good life again, and I will not look back like Lot’s wife did….or like a fool to his folly… or like a dog returning to its vomit….lol the Bible has a lot of very descriptive analogies for going back to what almost destroyed you.

Narcissism obeys the first rule of evolutionary theory. Survival before altruism. Me first then you. The rest is strategy

My ex told me he will become a better partner and wants to learn what I need but I did tell him already and nit only nothing happened but in fact he did actually the exact opposite. So he insisted, I should have pushed him more. Of course, again my fault. Then he said he wants to become the best partner for me ever if only I would help him. I just had to help him😂. The man is 61 years, highly intelligent, two times divorced. And wants me to believe this bs that I am supposed to be the one who will make him a better person. Obviously He thinks I am utterly stupid but I am not at all.

Always pay attention to their actions If they don't comply with their words, then it is time to leave... They do not change It is time for you to change your direction I have given a second chance, but not third The second chance was even worse In my humble opinion, you shouldn't give more than two chances In the end...it is you who is going to be hurt...cause they already have ready supplies waiting for them

@clintonnagy1662

21 күн бұрын

No matter how many times she told me she would be ALONE after the break up, I knew she wouldn't. Saw her out 2 weeks after we broke up with her ex boyfriend. She had her new supply that quick.

@user-gv1jr6de3s

21 күн бұрын

@@clintonnagy1662 I can understand you.. Believe me.. He also had already a supply waiting.. 1 day after I left.. Everything he promised to me..went to her.. I totally now believe..that was the cause of him coming back..just to take revenge.. It's all about THEM Not about US I am so cold..now..cold as ice.. No more That was enough Enough is enough sometimes.. Believe me...if you think of the FACTS..you will get over it very quickly.. Put your mind first..not your heart in these cases

My ex begging for me back… “You deserved everything I did to you, you have no value. Please give me a chance to earn your trust.” 😂🤯

@brusselsprout5851

Ай бұрын

😮

I discovered with pwNPD/pwBPD if you get in the way of their addiction, be it drugs or alcohol, you might as well just leave them, they will never put YOU above their wooby ( addiction) and most NPD's/BPD's have an addiction.

Hi Darren, Thanks for the video! What if it's your only daughter that is a narcissist and has been estranged for 5 years now? Her and my brother wouldn't let me go with them to see my dad when he was dying and in hospice care and I was seriously physically and financially injured and had no other way to travel out of state, they thought I was going to try and get part of their inheritance even though I was my dad's Jr. and wasn't in the will. I just wanted to see my dad before he passed. My brother is very cruel and I believe a narcissist also, so even if my daughter tried to speak or see me my brother would be involved somehow. I do love my daughter and grandkids and was always good and kind to her, what a mess I know, I'm done with my brother even though I have forgave him in my heart, but won't in person. My therapist told me I would have to automatically accept her back to possibly see the grandkids. I'm so lost, I can't fully find help about this situation. But I will also have to ask her this question you mentioned here for my own mental health sake?

These comment sections are always the same, it's always the other partner who's the narc and the commenter the victim. I would implore them to have a good look and evaluation of themselves too. It's way easier to spot the faults of others.

Hilarious- married a borderline/narc knowing it was a bad idea. We split and i left as she wanted me out. 2 days later a letter and email about she couldn’t believe we had split up and hoped one day we could make it work. Never responded- 6 months later she was living with a guy who had just spkit up with his long term partner (vulnerable?). Que sera. Don’t look back

Doctor Who, Space 1999, Star Trek and Star Wars! Plus WoW! What is behind the Eagle?

@DarrenFMagee

Ай бұрын

The Galactica and the Millennium Falcon