👇🏼This is how I can help you 👇🏼 ➡FREE 84-Minute Training: "Build The REAL SELF You Were Never Allowed To Have!" jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 🆘FREE Toolkit for Instant Family & Relationship Detachment join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/ 🔥🔥🔥 6-week online program 'Your New Road To SELF': Break free from toxic family patterns, heal the damage, and discover your true self! program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

Don’t complain Don’t explain Go no contact Don’t play their game.

@maggiemay8622

7 ай бұрын

Don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain, don’t personalize!

@katierojas8066

6 ай бұрын

@@maggiemay8622yeah bc if you try to defend or explain or point out their wrong doing, the narcissist denies it, gaslights and then seeks revenge and gossips about you. My mother. I went no contact w her.

@gracecase998

6 ай бұрын

Totally agree. I did that and it changed the remaining dynamic. Best thing I ever did.

@alanfrancis9225

6 ай бұрын

@@gracecase998 Part of my ego sometimes wants to reactivate those old toxic relationships. It makes me realise how deep these beliefs or phoney love is within me ( from birth) I always ask this question at these times. Does my true authentic self want to be in a relationship with this person, family or group? Will rekindling this relationship bring me peace? The answer is always no !

@gracecase998

6 ай бұрын

@@alanfrancis9225 such a true statement. I have questioned that so much in my life. You wonder did you do the right thing or is that my trauma trying to protect me. Thanks.

I've been suicidal, stuck in this family dynamic. I went no contact, not responding to calls, emails, or text messages. It has been the best thing for me. I'm in counseling and learning that it'ss possible to live without fear or anxiety.

@jacintamcpadden7258

Жыл бұрын

Councillor was great to validate my hurt I was always told by my family I was over reacting or too sensitive. I so glad to have that final breakdown to build a whole new life agai for me and my Son . Your never alone in these things 😘

@alanfrancis9225

Жыл бұрын

Well done Don’t complain Don’t explain Go no contact Don’t play the game

@nicolecarnevale3226

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry. Feeling suicidal is so stigmatizing and isolating. I hope you are reaching out. I know in these families means they will not support you. Reaching into the wrong love pot when you’re feeling that way is not a rejection you need. We are here. ❤️

@starseeds8121

8 ай бұрын

I understand.

@TaylorWolf-ww2yh

8 ай бұрын

✨️I too understand. Truly. You posted this a year ago. I am sending my best wishes that time has brought you even more healing and hope. No contact saved my sanity. I cringe 😖 when I think of what my father must think of me for it and I occasionally grieve that I may not know when or how he dies or anything else about his life 😔, but I wouldn't change my decision for anything. I had suffered as much abuse 🎯as I could stand and I am not willing to participate in one more moment from his cruel mouth. I have learned how to love myself 💖 and I finally no longer hear him in my head telling me how disappointing I am ❤️‍🩹 or shaming me for coming to him longing to be loved when I so clearly didn't warrant it 💔. Yeah, I'm good with some occasional grief about not knowing... I really am proud that I found the courage 💪🏻 to choose myself when I'd been brainwashed 🧠🧼 to do the opposite. Wow, I didn't know I had all this in me to say. Thank you for posting - I needed the inspiration! 💫

Our family Rule 1: Bob, my malignant narcissist older brother can do or say whatever he wants. Rule 2: if Bob hurts you, he didn't actually hurt you - you're just overreacting or making it up.. Rule 3. If you are actually hurt, it isn't that bad. Rule 4. If it's really bad, he didn't mean to, so you need to let it go, stop bringing it up. Rule 5. What was your part in this? Why are you so judgmental?

@RealDill69

2 жыл бұрын

Same here! I have a golden child brother, these narcissist all singing off the same sheet of music

@3mparchangel357

2 жыл бұрын

Is that narcissism or just favoritism?

@eurokay4755

2 жыл бұрын

@@3mparchangel357 My mother saw, heard and knew of Bob's physical, sexual and emotional abuse of me from the time I was born until I was 13 and he joined the military, which gave me a 3-year break at home. You can call her looking the other way, dismissing it as though it didn't happen, telling me it wasn't as bad as I said or was probably partially my fault, etc. whatever you need to call it.

@hoppiw5735

2 жыл бұрын

This is so funny 🤣 😆 😄 this is the most accurate example of what my family acts like... .I got the brunt of it cuz I was chosen to be the scapegoat-blamed for everything and I'm now just trying to get myself out of this demonic web by going no contact..... but of course my sister, who has always been the golden child is contacting me repeatedly through the flying monkeys to come back to my original role because she needs someone to project all the misery on..... .took me my entire lifetime to figure out what was really happening in this family-with constant accusations and bully treatment-now I know I'll never go back!!!

@cereal_qilla

2 жыл бұрын

YES YES Yessssssssss. Literally my mom to me forever and my dad too

NO CONTACT is the only way to save yourself from these horrid people

@christar9527

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely! And they are nothing short of HORRID.

@bizarrebroz3424

Жыл бұрын

Yes, i wish i could drop off the face of the earth coz no longer existing is the only way I'll be rid of them

@Joshdifferent

Жыл бұрын

Yup

@Angus1966

Жыл бұрын

True , and the person who removed themselves into a safer environment will be absolutely vilified in absence

@Joshdifferent

Жыл бұрын

@@Angus1966 yup

It is a sick game when narcissistic parents divide their children/family! No one is ok or safe!

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

💔

@sigep145

Жыл бұрын

It takes away sibling relationships that are much harder to reestablish as adults. It's amazing what someone can just brush off as normal because it's how they were raised. It takes years away from the craziness to start recognizing how messed up a lot of things really are that they always accepted as normal.

@SN-bl6xm

Жыл бұрын

Yep. My narcisstic mother divided her parents/siblings, my dads family, her second husbands family and my siblings and me. The only thing this woman did in her life is destroying families and people.

@rakelpeneyambeko

9 ай бұрын

What is really the goal for division?

@timmywitty1432

8 ай бұрын

@@rakelpeneyambeko to conquer.

I would add one more rule - you are used as a tool, an aid, your time is not respected, your space is not respected, your needs, abilities, interests are not respected. (This could include possible sexual abuse).

You just described the family I grew up in 100% accurately. Thank you. Things like this help remind me that I was not crazy, and that I am a worthwhile human being.

@hoppiw5735

2 жыл бұрын

Yes exactly 💯 these videos on narcissism let's me see 👀 and know that I wasn't crazy and that what I had experienced was even worse than what I had thought- cuz I didn't know it was called abuse -psychological abuse is one of the worst form of abuse anyone can experience because it takes a long time to figure out what is happening to you

@kristinroberts651

2 жыл бұрын

Yep, me too!

@dnk4559

2 жыл бұрын

Same!

@MrUngola

2 жыл бұрын

Yes,narcissist family system makes me depressed and think i'm cracy too.

@kurt31451

2 жыл бұрын

@@hoppiw5735 Great comment. I thought I was the only one.

Great list! I'd add 23: If nothing bad happens, something bad must be invented. 24. Loyalty to the lie is paramount; any perceived disloyalty (even in thought!) will be punished.

@audhumbla6927

2 жыл бұрын

Yup, aswell as 25. the golden child gets anything they want, they can drink multiple cartons of milk every day and eat as much bacon as they like, but the scapegoat doesnt even get fed properly, gets sent away from dinner, gets yelled at for breakfast, health issues and abuse from outside the family and constant stomach aches throughout childhood and being underweight, cold, sad, and hungry is completly ignored. One time asking for anything other then bread, since she was obviously allergic but no one cared, resulted in violent punishment for the audacity to ask for such a luxury, anything other then bread, how could she be such a spoiled brat, does she thinks we are made of money, be ashamed! (brother munches on an abundance of milk and bacon, sister not even allowed to have a bit becasue "growing boys need more food".... I got to buy a cup-of-soup once, but didnt like it, which ofcourse resulted in loads of screaming and cursing and violence and shaming..... So still today as an adult I have a very hard time allowing myself to eat. My stomach acts like it dont know what to do with food, still.

@kitkatt6357

2 жыл бұрын

@@audhumbla6927 so sorry u went through this 💔

@acfatemi

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, rule 23 is certainly a fact of life in these circumstances 😏

@acfatemi

2 жыл бұрын

@@audhumbla6927 Yep, I know….

@acfatemi

2 жыл бұрын

@@audhumbla6927 när jag var barn så köpte min mamma kokt skinka som smörgåspålägg åt min syster( eftersom hon åt så dåligt). Jag fick inte ta av den kokta skinkan. Till saken hör att min far var vd med så god lön att vi hade två bilar (pappa körde Mercedes), sommarstuga, mamma kunde fundera på vilket skomärke hon föredrog (Ferragamo eller Bally ), men jag fick inte äta samma mat som min syster….

BOOM!!!🧨🧨🧨 All 22 🎯. I'm 56. I "escaped" my narcissist family at age 53, with some excellent therapy and divine grace. Finally learned self-love and inner- peace. It's never too late to free yourself from toxicity.🙂

@eleanorwittering3126

4 ай бұрын

17:06 interesting, I’m 69, have lived in the dysfunction as the scapegoat/depository of all bad feelings all these years… Then something occurred two years ago… And I started to see through the veil… I went Black rock and worked on myself for two years, and my family now rages, and their crazy behavior is sticking out all over the place, and I just flit away like a butterfly and the anger, the anxiety, the fear, the hyper vigilance has dissolved into calm & quiet!: It’s the most amazing transformation, I almost feel like Paul on the road to Damascus…

@lavonnejones8535

4 ай бұрын

@@eleanorwittering3126 🙂🩷

I've been disowned because I dared to finally grow a backbone in my 50's and stand up to the whole family and their abuse. My mother is the covert narc and my father has been a preacher my entire life. Everything was about appearances. Nothing was genuine. When I found out my nephew was molesting my daughter, I blew a gasket and called the cops. Long story short, they all think my daughter is lying because my brother is the golden child and thus his kids are the golden grandchildren. And because they all go to church, they would never do such things. I beg to differ with them! This list is probably one of the most accurate I have heard that fits my own personal experience. I will be listening to more of your videos. Thank you!

@bookbeing

8 ай бұрын

Good heavens! our stories have so many similarities! I spoke up for an abused child who came to me begging for help. I believed her and advocated for her and the shit hit the fan. I became the evil enemy when i refused to step in line and follow marching orders.

@xenia6761

8 ай бұрын

God bless you guys for helping those kids!

@blueStarKitt7924

8 ай бұрын

​@@xenia6761Yes.❤️

@michellelippincott6097

8 ай бұрын

HORRIBLE ! So sorry ....

@Sophia-hj3ko

8 ай бұрын

I am with you on it, sister, have been in church most of my life, seen it all, and molestation by the church boys - godly cousins too. It ruined the girls' confidence in adulthood.

My father has said to me, word for word, “if you want to be accepted, you have to do things that are acceptable” the reality is glaring.

@ericaholloway1751

7 ай бұрын

My father told me, “I don’t believe we hurt you, I just think you have a problem listening to authority.” Context. I was pregnant and taking too long to move a box so my grandmother yelled at me and when I told my dad she hurt my feelings he told me that I’m not hurt and I just need to learn to listen. There is no way he doesn’t know what he said was wrong. Like there is a zero percent chance he is unaware he was full of sh*.

@marybusch6182

6 ай бұрын

and they keep changing the definition of acceptable... you can never make them happy and will die trying, in the meantime... Have a great cup of coffee and laugh with the people who like you!

@marybusch6182

6 ай бұрын

@@ericaholloway1751 I can hear my stepmother doing the same thing and my father ignoring me even if I was pregnant... WHAT IDIOTS!

@jackilynpyzocha662

4 ай бұрын

Acceptable to only him?!! He's a tyrant! So is mine!

I ran off into the military to escape my family. Eventually I went "no contact" by the advice of counseling. I totally retrained my mind by about 40 years old. Relapsed some with PTSD, got back mentally with the help of some wonderful people "vets" at about 50. It's difficult to shake it when you are raised to be just like them.

@theoryofpersonality1420

8 ай бұрын

❤️🫂

@websurfer5772

7 ай бұрын

I hear ya. Glenn Beck said he's going through it too and he thinks it's a lifelong project and I think he might be right. Keep hanging in there. I'm the scapegoat too.

@brendaplunkett8659

6 ай бұрын

​@@websurfer5772 Great point. Is that an interview you are referring to? It seems like a life's work, to overcome.I am determined even if I die while trying, Lol.

@websurfer5772

6 ай бұрын

@@brendaplunkett8659 I was listening to some videos of Glenn's on YT awhile back and he kept bringing this topic up because he's dealing with his own grief over his upbringing. I guess he just brings it up in videos about other topics because it's always on his mind or in the back of his mind, and then anything can trigger it - as we all know. I was surprised because it was odd coming from a former TV personality like his, but I'm glad he's broaching it and sharing his feelings about it with us. Just like you, I want to overcome it too, but I'm afraid he might be right, at least for me.

@EvanSwan-ke6rv

6 ай бұрын

Same here, joined the combat engineers right after 9-11, regret coming back seeing all the loss and continued abuse from there, I wish I could get my mom and brother some of the help I had. I always wanted to talk to veterans, as a kid they were my hero’s still and are as brothers. I didn’t even know what a drill Sargent was, much less anything else.

I'm the scapegoat and was discarded (thank God), my sister is just syphoning the lies from my dad and is trying to further the manipulation of my hellish experience. I was a mental prisoner in my own home, and punished for having independent thought.

@TheJustinJ

6 ай бұрын

Read Atlas Shrugged. It will have a profound impact on Your situation. (Due to a certain characters situation).

@jackilynpyzocha662

4 ай бұрын

My dad doesn't see me as an individual with rights to say no. His problem attitude: I stick with myself; it irritates him: good!

It's an ongoing vicious cycle of I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

@Embers167

4 ай бұрын

my mother used to literally say "damned if i do, damned if i don't" all the time right in front of me as a child as she was going through her own frustrations.... sheeeesh

In case someone wants to read over the rules again after watching the video: 1 Seeing acceptance [of yourself] as conditional 2 Submission [to narcissist] is required 3 Someone must be blamed for [family] problems 4 Vulnerability is dangerous 5 You must take sides (the narcissists) 6 There's never enough love and respect to go around [in the family]. These ressources are limited for everyone but the narcissist/golden child. Respect and love for one person means disrespect and no love for another. 7 Feelings are wrong for everyone but the narcissist. They are the only ones allowed to have emotional expression and be allowed to state needs. 8 One-up-manship, favoritism, constant comparisons. 9 Appearances are more important than substance ( 10 Rage [of the narcissist] is normalized 11 Denial [of the narcissists abuse, mistreatmen and neglict] is rampant 12 There is no safety 13 No one can be or should be okay. 14 Fear must always be present. Anxiety must guide everyone. 15 Always avoid, never resolve. Keep your head down, stay under the radar. You can't resolve anything so you must avoid. 16 Always be angry OR appeasing. Usually flip-flop between the two. As you are not allowed to be angry you must suppress it, though. 17 Differentiation or confidence in anyone other than the narcissists must be punished or shamed or rejected. Difference between narcissist and yourself can not be tolerated. 18 Never count on parental support. 19 Always enmesh, boundaries are not permissible. 20 You must always be borrowing or loaning a self, never have a self. We must fill up other peoples' buckets, not our own. 21 Systems feelings always trump true feelings. Systems feelings are guilt, shame, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of sadness, fear of hurt. True feelings are rejection, hurt, sadness, abandonment, fear. 22 The narcissistic familys super-self must be shared and borrowed from for as long as the narcissist lives. Your self must be the family-self. Don't disagree from your own self.

@stellasole3720

2 жыл бұрын

Thankyou 🙏

@dnk4559

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@melliecrann-gaoth4789

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏

@muslimwarrior9891

2 жыл бұрын

PERIOD. ALL OF EMMMM ALL OF EM I RELATE

@iaindcosta

2 жыл бұрын

I'd like to point out that he uses the phrase "dominant narcissist"

I had to go no contact to get away from the constant abuse. It doesn't matter how old you get, this narcissistic family system will never change. There's another narcissists who will continue the nightmare. Normally the golden child carries the dysfunction to the next generation.

@fredhubbard7210

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it is weird. My mother died five years ago, and I thought I was free, but my siblings closed ranks around the "super family" even though they don't speak to each other. I was hoping we could finally speak to each other as individuals, but that ain't gonna happen.

@scottharm3932

2 жыл бұрын

@@fredhubbard7210 Yeah, I had the same sort of thing with my older brother. My father was the main narcissist and he was the golden child. I thought may be we could get along but that's not gonna happen. He's just getting worse as he gets older. I've realized that's never gonna change.

@SN-bl6xm

Жыл бұрын

Yes. My mother was the golden child and abuses everyone (her siblings, my dad, me). My sister is the golden child and also she abuses me (I’m the scapegoat). Now my sister has two small children and I feel so sorry for them. I’m convinced she will abuse her children and one of them will become the golden child and the other one the scapegoat.

@SN-bl6xm

Жыл бұрын

I was actually also hoping that when my evil, abusive, narcissist mother will pass away, that I will be free. But with my narcissist siblings who also abuse me, I guess I won’t be free when my mother passes away. 😳

@Angus1966

Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately , that is very true , the scapegoat misses out on having a family of origin

I would be really interested in a video discussing why narcissistic parents have an issue with confidence in their children and try to get rid of it.

@littlemainefarmer8173

9 ай бұрын

@Lynn-nx6ue unfortunately they are very insecure and you being confident makes them remember that. Makes them look bad and some how… you being okay is a very a front to their very low self esteem. You can’t fill a bucket with a hole in it and it’s not your job to patch it. 💕

@trucuriousity

7 ай бұрын

Plus it's much harder to control and manipulate someone who believes in themselves.

@24get24give

6 ай бұрын

if /when they gain confidence they may no longer quietly accept the status quo; we are easier to control when we are afraid of them is my guess

@ZFern9390

6 ай бұрын

With my N mom I see it as maybe she feels it as a rejection. My N mom gets really frustrated when my brother and I use vocabulary she doesn't know . Her vocabulary is very limited because she didn't get through school as a child and didn't bother gaining an education as she became an adult. She yells " stop using those 10 dollar words"! She actually brags on herself for not "wasting her life in school and gaining student debt" !She feels she's done just fine without all that "Hoopla" ! She thinks everyone is just trying to "look like something they're not by going to college" it's humiliating when she says these things in public 😖

@naturalhealingmexico

6 ай бұрын

It's about control, the more you resist the more offended they get....

I never saw my parents as narcissistic, but I’m amazed how much of this applied to my upbringing.

@latasha9898

2 ай бұрын

Same here. Maybe narcissistic traits.

The scapegoats I've meet have the best insight as to what is going on. All this counterdependent activity. Pit the children against each other. Appearance over substance. Gossip is normalized.

@fredhubbard7210

2 жыл бұрын

In my experience, the one who knows what is going on becomes the scapegoat. That person is very dangerous to the whole system.

@robertjmccabe

2 жыл бұрын

I was the scape goat. My bigoted father tried to destroy me for knowing what he was (a fat, lazy wannabe). He pit my mom and 3 weak siblings on me.

@user-rx7uh9mg4f

2 жыл бұрын

@@fredhubbard7210 I'm the scapegoat/ invisible child (depending on the season) and until now I'm the only one who accepts my mother is a covert narcissistic. It took me months of research and observing her until I could actually accept it. I don't even bother with telling my siblings because they won't believe me. It's almost impossible to unmask a covert especially that her abuse is behind doors and often other siblings are not around to witness it. It's true, the scapegoat knows the most because their pain is the most real.

@laurajane4806

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, they become so afraid of what we might "tell" about them that we get slandered, belittled, nothing is good enough, etc. and the funny thing is that since we don't think like they do, we would NEVER TELL other people. We find the family drama embarrassing. So, we live with knowing that other people believe all sorts of things about us that simply aren't true. I like to jokingly say that I've been slandered into an identity crisis. But then sense of humor isn't a trait they possess so they don't get my jokes anyway. :-)

@robertjmccabe

2 жыл бұрын

@@laurajane4806 totally. They tell me all this nasty shit about themselves and I’m expected to shoulder their pain. My mother tells me that her brother used her as a “practice girl” and that my dad hits and verbally abused her. My sister told me that she enjoys telling her husband about her previous boyfriends and how great they were (I was appalled at this; this hurts so bad as a guy). And this is just with my family. For some reason I’m a lightning rod for peoples bullshit and I am routinely abused in the workplace. You are right, if they just told me this stuff I would just feel bad for them and would leave it at that. But, I think they think that I would be as shitty as them and blab about it that they start smearing me and accusing me of stuff that I never did or said. It’s so frustrating because I try to live my life with integrity. Makes me want to become a hermit, at least then I could just sit and read without thinking about how shitty everyone is.

I grew up thinking I'm a loser and I'm ugly, unwanted and should die. I couldn't walk straight, developed eating disorders, my confidence was in minus, i wouldn't even speak a word in class. It went way worse from there. I was at a constant risk and lost my head. It struck me at the age of 28 through a psychologist that my mother and my sister are narcissists and that it's time for me to move out. 4 years out and it still haunts me. I'm unable to get out of the trauma. I wish the suffering ends.

@jerrywise

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry this is your story Neharika, I hope my videos can bring you relief and inner peace

@katreades-kt8jv

8 ай бұрын

‘It is about them, not you” were some of the first words of this video - use this like a mantra! You deserved better.

@Brummiebythesea

8 ай бұрын

Stay strong 💪🏻 my mother and daughter are narc 💪🏻keep your distance ❤

@chantalle7340

8 ай бұрын

🙏🏼🫂

@carolinamartins7491

8 ай бұрын

Idem!

It’s actually insane to me that so many of us have had literally the exact same experience, and yet somehow a narcissist thinks they’re the smartest, most unique human on planet earth.

@juanfo7307

5 ай бұрын

Abuse no doubt about it.

You described my family perfectly. I am a 58 year old woman who grew up in a narcissistic home. I have 6 siblings in which most suffer from mental health disorders. My mother was a narsaccist as well as at least 3 siblings, all undiagnosed. My dad was very compassionate and supportive quite a bit of the time, but he had to live under the rule of my narcissistic mother and was a workaholic farmer who was not often home during the day. As a child and teenager, there was no safe haven within my family. There was narcissistic abuse in every direction. In my attempt to find love and acceptance, I married an abusive man, at age 22, which I divorced 3 years later. After many years of being single and trying to self heal, at the age of 40, I married a wonderful man. After having to deal with all of my siblings and settling a family trust, the extent of the dysfunction and abuse came to light. Thanks to good friends, a few close trustful relatives, and self help videos like yours I am able to help myself and understand this craziness.

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

This sounds challenging to deal with, I'm glad my videos give you clarity and help you. Sending love and strength your way 🤍

@coop6835

6 ай бұрын

Are we related? Just kidding.

@coop6835

6 ай бұрын

Are we related? Just kidding.

@lilac624

2 ай бұрын

My childhood was very very traumatic because of my abusive mother and aunt... I grew up very confused and empty...

The message that my mother gave me repeatedly was that my thoughts, wants or feelings didn't count.

@anniewang9723

Жыл бұрын

Same here. I didn't know it was wrong until now.

Once you leave that narcissistic, dysfunctional family NEVER GO BACK. It’s easy to believe that over time, people change. BUT REMEMBER, you changed and they never will. It’s easy to miss your family in your imagination. Over time, you’ll start endowing them with magical properties, turning them into the loving, kind, and supportive family you always dreamed of. But it’s a lie. They are still destructive. DO NOT GO BACK.

What works for me is "limited contact." Only going around when ABSOLUTELY necessary. Full stop.

I was the scapegoat in my family of two other Golden Children Brother and Sister. I wish i was adopted because i would of got a better chance to have a chance at having a normal brother or sister relationship. I stepped away from the family for 5 years and did so much counselling and healing and was doing great. Limited my time seeing them along with my Narc parent. My Narc parent passed and was sad to see that and thought i could go back and now let my GC brother and sister to heal and finally be themselves. Worst mistake i ever made and my brother took over the role my Narc parent had, nearly cost me my physical health. I firmly blame my Narc parent for dividing everyone from a young age. Wish i had of stayed away period . If your a scapegoat you will never fix years of conditoning

@naturalhealingmexico

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing, after my narc father died I thought as you did, but the situation it's even worst: my narc mother feels empowered and spell hate, grudge and envy out of her mouth more than ever, my narc siblings are taking the role of my nar father, it seems like a demon or many of them jumping on people, I am determinated to go no contact. M

In the animal kingdom, when a penguin is hurt the others lift it up until it's healthy.

@rob_see

6 ай бұрын

would be nice if humans did that for each other. i feel like many people are predatory in how they behave towards others.

"What you feel , you don't feel, What you think , you don't think , What you want , you don't want ."

It seems the only way out of this dynamic is self-exile. Do not fall for "discussion" or "negotiation," they don't negotiate--they dictate. That same sociopathic relationship is perpetuated in US society through the presence of the same in nearly all employer relations. They feel justified.

@Bronte866

6 ай бұрын

It’s not to do with the US. These exact same dynamics and abuses are in play in every country in the world.

@testtest2609

6 ай бұрын

​@@Bronte866US empire rules the world and is a psychopathic pathocracy.

@testtest2609

6 ай бұрын

​@@Bronte866US = empire by denial/deception - Immerwahr ...using proxies (Israel,Apatheid South Africa,Germany,Japan,Saudi, France,Ukraine,etc), pawns & patsies US = empire by denial/deception - Immerwahr ...using proxies (Israel,Apatheid South Africa,Germany,Japan,Saudi, France,Ukraine,etc), pawns & patsies

@ImSimplyAHuman

Ай бұрын

@@Bronte866 I believe many other countries have better laws to protect workers rights. Things like allowing unionizing, paid maternity leave, yada yada yada which all balance the employer/employee relationship. Our laws have allowed employers to be predatory

I cannot put everything I lived down in a single comment. I can't believe I survived all that.

“Stop being so sensitive!!!” When you’re vulnerable

what I hated the most about the narc family dynamic was that any time something went wrong or a problem arose, the question was NEVER how can we solve the problem, the question was ALWAYS ,whose fault is this...never solutions to problems just always blame shifting ( to the scapegoat of course) no resolution EVER😵🙄😒

@purpletablespoon

7 күн бұрын

That part! I was the scape goat for over 28 years and I can’t tell you how frustrating it was to be blamed for everything and watch the actual culprit avoid responsibility and accountability. Going NC was the best decision.

My mother is a textbook narcissist. I went no contact 5 years ago and couldn’t be happier. She doesn’t deserve my love or attention. I feel no love for her.

Here it is in a nutshell. This was EXCELLENT!!! It has taken me 60 years and many therapists, none of which suggested the possibility of narcissistic family system, to unravel this painful misery. Once I began learning about Narcissim I suggested the possibility to the last three psychologists I saw…all three, including one old hag and one Phd student at university totally dismissed me/my idea. I spent a good chunk of my life going to Psychologist and asking “what was wrong with me“. They all went along with me never questioning the family system. To say I have no faith in psychiatric community…and don’t get me started on the DSM and fraudulent psychiatric community. 😢

@dillonsullivan5063

Жыл бұрын

I don't trust that community either. I've had some bad experiences. I've learned about narcissistic abuse from books.

@qwertyuiop-ke7fs

Жыл бұрын

It's best to either go to a trauma-informed therapist or just learn online

@user-ur1jt9hd3m

Жыл бұрын

99% of therapists do harm not good.

@Susan-lf2hl

9 ай бұрын

I found most shrinks will not deal with child abuse which is a fraud Servitude to shrinks!

@SheldonBrown567

8 ай бұрын

I was a school psychologist for 28 years. I saw the ineffectiveness of therapy with the kids and families I worked with. Therapists, for the most part, hate their jobs, and don’t care for their clients, over medicate, and have no skin in the game. Additionally, I’m the scapegoat of a narcissistic family, and then married a narcissist, so went to several therapists. They were all worthless. I went no contact two years ago, and still ruminate. I don’t see much healing in my future. Healing ❤️‍🩹 is so slow!

They will never understand. It becomes "your problem'

I think I’m finally getting it. The dynamic WON’T change. The situation is beyond repair. I can’t fix it. It’s not my job to fix it. I know my truth.

My family of origin--all of this applies. I'm 60 yo and I still grapple with the fallout. I didn't know there was a name for my experience. Thank you, this was helpful.

When I was a 14 year old girl my narc father threatened me with beating with a belt unless I posed nude for him so he could sit there and drink his wine and stare and make lewd comments. I told my mother what he did. She just said, “He didn’t do that.” Well yes, Mom, he did. So to deal with this horrid upbringing I joined some friends from high school at their youth group at church, which I found really helpful. But at home? I was absolutely the instant and absolute scapegoat. How dare I identify with something besides our screwed up family! You’re spot on here.

This is so healing! I am in my 50's and I am just realizing what my problem was. . .every point made here so true. . .

SO TRUE. All of it. Submit to the dominant narcissistic member, in my case, the father. And immigration revved him up x10. The family became the only place where my parents felt they had control. Mom was the narcissistic second in command, but in reality, she is a codependent, taking a lot after him. Both felt I had to be the inferior one, to them. I was the only one they could feel superior to, other than everyone else, of course, lol, but i was the only they could make FEEL inferior. They'd always say everyone around us was incompetent shit, but they couldn't make anyone feel that way. Just me. Isn't that something... Then when I did become a doctor, the first thing mom said was, "if you don't treat us with respect, dad will call the Physicians College and they will take your license away. We are your parents; we can do that." Sickening, isn't it.

@goldheartminer7069

2 жыл бұрын

So sorry you were treated with such cruelty. They don't own us and there will be justice one day I believe.

@raphaellavictoria01

2 жыл бұрын

@@aubreygomez89 Thank you :)

@raphaellavictoria01

2 жыл бұрын

@@goldheartminer7069 thank you :)

@christinapaterno5585

2 жыл бұрын

@@raphaellavictoria01 Raphaella, I am so sorry you worked so hard and they threatened you with that. Not even my parents are that bad. Are you still in contact? I hope I’m not being too forward by asking. I just wonder if now that you’re a doctor you have removed yourself from fear they’d act on the threat, or did you take it for an empty threat?

@drewgrant2795

Жыл бұрын

Lady, I applaud you👏🏽 You becoming a Doctor gives me so much hope for my dreams of becoming a writer! Your pain is excruciating to read such a horrible experience for someone as brilliant as you! I have similar experiences and have been through some extreme stuff like that too, it’s completely heartbreaking. I was told my whole life my vulnerabilities and my feelings and just me in general are what make me weak. I spit on that sentence. I make myself strong because I am strong and I always have been. I’m strong even with being sensitive because my sensitivities are my strengths. My gift. And even though i’m still young (24yo and have a 3yo) I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time ever in my life and I can taste my dreams coming true soon. Bless you Raphaella❤

As the scapegoat, this is spot on and triggering me hard core.

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

@Give_Me_The_Night

2 жыл бұрын

Same here!

I’m so happy someone covered family and not just romance for once!!!

@Bronte866

6 ай бұрын

You’re missing out on a lot of good channels. Patrick Teahan for starters.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister (our father’s golden child) after I disclosed to her his sexual abuse and told her I had been in counseling for the past couple years and decided that I needed so time of no contact with our parents while I dealt with my feelings. She said that I needed to find a good Christian counselor because obviously regular therapy wasn’t working for me if I wanted to cut contact with our parents, even temporarily. I was so hurt at the time but now I understand that her self image hinges on the perfect image of our family. The golden child is a victim of the narcissist as well.

@bridgetdrummond1721

2 жыл бұрын

I grew up in a narcissistic home also. My sister was the golden girl. However, her personality is very dry, cold, and flat because she lived her childhood to please my controlling narcissistic mother. She has narcissistic tendencies, shows very little emotion and often talks down to me. For those reasons, it is a sterilizing feeling being around her. I was a rebel, broke free and searched for an identity away from the controlled environment. Consequently, I was often labeled the one who stirred up trouble. It's crazy, but at age 57, I am just now figuring out my dysfunctional family.

@fredhubbard7210

2 жыл бұрын

Growing up, I was kind of the golden child. It was never satisfying. I always knew that I had that status because I was hiding my true self. When I grew up, I started to speak out, and predictably my status went into free-fall. Andre Gide said "I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." I would rather be the pariah, and at least I have my own thoughts. The Golden Child is very much a victim, and more deeply trapped.

@bridgetdrummond1721

2 жыл бұрын

@@fredhubbard7210 I took the hated for what I am status, because I refused to be my narcissistic mother's flying monkey.

@fredhubbard7210

2 жыл бұрын

@@bridgetdrummond1721 Rejoice! I'm 64, and it has been like my life's work... Some people never find their way out. For me, it was DIY. When we were young there was no one to talk too.

@bridgetdrummond1721

2 жыл бұрын

@@fredhubbard7210 I really feel like I understand the phrase, with age comes wisdom. My parents are both deceased, now. It is sad to have them gone but also it is a new sense of freedom to think clearly without having to worry about pleasing anyone.

My older brother physically abused me and when I went to my mom crying and telling her what he did she said "I don't want to hear about it" . She didnt want to be 'inconvenienced'.

@reesedaniel5835

Жыл бұрын

That is emotional neglect and abuse at it's finest.

@SN-bl6xm

Жыл бұрын

My mother always watched my brother beat up my sister and me, smiling. She was smiling and never told my brother anything like “stop it” or “why are you beating up your sister/s”.

@spacegirl226

7 ай бұрын

Same here. My mother shouted at me "GET OVER IT!" She made so many excuses for my brother. Not a shred of empathy for me.

@kristinabeeghly482

7 ай бұрын

Narcissists are not capable of solving problems instead and for the most part, they create them.

@TheSolidheroes

6 ай бұрын

Disgusting couldn’t imagine allowing that to happen to a child I wish you strength and love to heal from the past 🙏🏾

It's quite a revelation to hear all the unspoken rules... spoken out loud. Now I can see the manipulation is real, not imagined. As children we are forced to blindly follow these rules. Sad that so many of us grew up this way. At least now, it doesn't have to continue. Great post Jerry!

There is no bigger gaslight than conditional love

@InsanitysApex

7 ай бұрын

Technically all love is conditional. It becomes gaslighting when it's conditional to who their ego needs you to be, rather than loving you for who you are.

@rob_see

6 ай бұрын

@@InsanitysApex i used to agree with this sentiment. i no longer do. the unconditional part is the concept of grace and mercy, and many people do practice this form of relating to others, especially in the context of being imperfect of making a mistake.

@InsanitysApex

6 ай бұрын

@@rob_see attaching grace and mercy to love is a condition. Love (and hate) are literally oxytocin in the brain, and can not exist without them (conditions of reality). All love is conditional, the questions then become conditional to what? How much? in what context? etc. When your beliefs defy reality they are by definition delusional. Unconditional love is delusional. You believe in delusional love so your morals can remain unconditional, rather than tested. In reality all morals are evolved by mom (mother nature) and must be tested. This is my belief because it is cosmic truth aligned to the universe. And defying that truth is delusional insanity posing as self-righteous, convenient truth/morality. And your unconsious mind will continue to deceive your conscious mind with this lie/delusion because intrinsically you both know (consciously and unconsciously) that your conscious moral beliefs are not trustworthy, true, accurate, or realistic. Rage, hatred, chaos, and evil etc. are all conditions. Can your love survive them? People actually want vibrant, resilient, and defiant love. Love that survives all opposition. Love that defies impossibility and every unphathomable condition. They just suck at realizing or expressing that. The more condition-proof you love is then the more pure your love is. That is what people, and all life, wants.

@InsanitysApex

2 ай бұрын

@@cj2130 There's multiple ways I could disprove your argument, but the simplest is oxytocin. Love requires oxytocin, which is a condition. Love is partially a choice. Consciousness is FreeWill; exists outside of the Physical Universe (which complicates the human experience). Cosnciousness's FreeWill is diluted by the Psyche. But Love ultimately remains conditional as the Physical Universe is Fully Determined and absolutely requires oxytocin. There is no Love without a condition: oxytocin, which is how it evolved. Your doubt in my argument is pious projection. Whether you add or remove extra conditions is a choice. Deluding yourself that love is unconditional, and there is no choice, is absconding from your Duties as Consciousness. Your unConscious Psyche will Punish you for being irResponsible.

@InsanitysApex

2 ай бұрын

@@cj2130 You're Right, Consciousness isn't FreeWill. Go back to sleep abc123.

I grew up believing ALL this was normal 😢

I took this family for 52 years! 2 weeks ago i "buried" this family for good. No more! I am trying to heal and survive... it is amazingly hard but enough is enough. No more of this abuse...

this is all so scarily true; it's like you were there! my mother was a narc, my father an ice-cold brick wall of a man, I was the scapegoat, my sister the golden child; I was to blame for problems in their marriage and anything else that "was wrong, my father told me "if I have to choose between you and her, I'll choose her" I was ten years old and I believed him

@Bronte866

6 ай бұрын

Been there. Go no contact. None. Ever.

@latasha9898

2 ай бұрын

My dad said that to me when I was a teenager and my mum had stormed out the house after an argument with him. I got upset and slammed a plate down which broke. He shoved me against the cooker and screamed it in my face. Now looking back, I realise he was taking his anger out on me but really it had nothing to do with me.

LOL I was the scapegoat but I openly hated my nmother. I didn’t follow most of these rules. I realized she was a toddler and I treated her as such. Eventually she lost all emotional power over me and I could see her dying inside. I have been no contact for almost a decade and I am morbidly fascinated to know how horribly she has coped.

@Bronte866

6 ай бұрын

I hear you. You did good. Proud of you.

So much good stuff. Here is one thing that really resonates: Certainly, you can't ever be angry with the narcissist or you will pay dearly for that. All of these points: spot on.

I lived this. I was never safe at my family. I moved out as soon as I could and I remember that it felt so weird coming to my place and not feeling anxiety and fear. I also remember that the fact that we all have to think as a narcissist went that far that when I was legal age to vote, I had to vote as narcissist.

@anara5570

2 жыл бұрын

100%

@user-rx7uh9mg4f

2 жыл бұрын

I would feel most at peace when narc covert mother was asleep or out if the house. I've felt this was for as long as I remember and I knew it wasn't normal to feel that way towards a parent (it's not a teenage phase).

Ouch. That one about appearances really hit me. That was Mom’s theme song. No adult ever helped us children because we were so well groomed by Mom. If you said ANYthing to a teacher, parent or whoever, she lost it and came at that child with head shots as her goal.

Rule #1 - It's my way or the highway. Rule #2 - See rule 1.

@WandaLopez-wp7wt

7 ай бұрын

100 %

@Preciousjames88

2 ай бұрын

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

Now I get it. Too bad I'm 61 years old. What a waste.

@musicandpoetry_8

21 күн бұрын

Sorry that sucks, my heart goes out yo you, I’m almost 36 and trying to get away but feel trapped because of finances :(

M 47 here and I just figured out this is my family of origin.

Grew up with all 22 rules in a narcissistic and Factitious disordered family system. First time hearing the terms 'dominate narcissist,' and 'super-self.' These concepts are calling me for the deeper work I need right now. Great video Jerry. Thanks so much.

My mother had me when she really shouldn't have. My stepfather found me inconvenient. Neither one of them can look me in the eyes without shame or guilt, since their divorce. I have found the strength and force to say how I feel and put them aside from what is important and good in my life.

I never realised what was wrong with my family, I just knew it felt better when I was with another family, at a different house ❤

This is my life! Boundary is a bad word in my family. Feelings, emotions, thoughts, opinions are do not matter. To speak the truth to them, is to tell a lie. There's so much; it's exhausting.

I never knew there a English word to describe me called scapegoat .... I've been the reason of every problem in my family almost since childhood

@jerrywise

Жыл бұрын

I believe these videos may be helpful to you - Overcoming the role of the scapegoat: kzread.info/dash/bejne/g4d_usWvXdqcZZs.html Resisting the role of the scapegoat: kzread.info/dash/bejne/lqOXrtqFY72Wj7g.html

@Bronte866

6 ай бұрын

Go no contact as soon as you can. Get out.

The thing about Rules in this type of family is the rules change constantly to where no one wins. The truth talker will get blamed and scapegoated. Golden child is never wrong. If there are other siblings they they become the flying monkeys/enablers. The taking sides is SO true. I always say our family puts the FUN in dysfunction. Loved the family super self explanation. Makes so much sense. Thank you for your videos.

My mom was a big believer in form over content. She spent so much time rehearsing in the bathroom mirror, primping her makeup, hair for hours- while walking around for hours in her underwear. We were the sideshow to her production. If she put us first it was a huge accomplishment and sacrifice we were to be extremely grateful for. Not a natural part of parenting. When she did finally get dressed she needed our critique of her outfit constantly asking over and over throughout the morning if we liked her choice of blouse or dress. Even if we emphatically told her it was beautiful and she looked beautiful, she still needed repeated praise and reassurance. That’s actually what WE NEEDED as children as people finding our way through life. We needed encouragement, praise and reassurance- not for our outfits as that wasn’t import, but as new human beings on the planet. What a backwards childhood. We were there for HER. Oh, besides we didn’t mind although the clothes critiquing got exhausting. Children are unconditionally loving. We really didn’t understand the Bruhaha over appearance. I’m talking small young children.unfortunately. Society encourages this focus on clothing and beauty as adults. In my young adulthood I actually started believing her view of the world because it seemed the world- outside word, is a narcissist.

@meatrealwishes

2 жыл бұрын

My nmom didnt even wear underwear. She was always in night gown since she slept most of her life, watched tv, ate and grew fat. I grew up wondering why she wasn’t like the moms I saw outside and yet was a cult leader at home. Apparently, I was supposed to be thankful for having a biological mother and forget that she kicked me in the belly, pressed my chest with her foot, slapped me and too many more to mention.

@amandamartin5681

2 жыл бұрын

@@meatrealwishes I am so sorry.

@ladennayoung2939

2 жыл бұрын

Yes people in society can be toxic, but people end up with this way of thinking and being due to toxic and dysfunctional family members. Because if you have a parent or parents with a healthy way of thinking and being, and was taught to have a healthy image of self. You will not receive or accept the toxic views that the outside world try to project onto you. Because you was taught how to love God first and foremost, self, and others properly. Counseling and a healthy relationship with Christ and self can help you overcome that. Blessings to you and yours in Jesus name. Consider looking up videos about a young woman called the ugliest woman in the world. I admired the level of confidence and self love that she displayed.

@threefreaksonaleash6619

2 жыл бұрын

My mother treated me in this exact way as well.

@Naomi_wella

2 жыл бұрын

Omg! is your mom, my mom? She would practice conversations in a nice voice for hours in her underwear . So creepy. As a teen would say “oh you’re not wearing makeup?”. As a young adult I never felt comfortable not wearing 392 lbs of makeup because I was conditioned to think something was wrong with me if I didn’t.

My Mother told me I ruined her Christmas because my 7 yr old Son wascin the hospital & I could not attend Christmas dinner. Then yrs later, she excluded me from Thanksgiving because my niece was bringing her new bf & my Sister didn't want any trouble (which I have never done.) As much as that hurt it is what encouraged me to go no contact & become my own best friend! 😊

I have just found your channel and it's as if you're talking about me. I'm full of tears and a deep deep sadness as I'm coming to terms with what I always suspected from my earliest memories but have only recently acknowledged. You've just explained exactly how it is in every way. I'm 61 and this is true validation. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

Welcome to the family. We are here to grow, heal and differentiate, I hope we help you do that as well🤍

Going through this now. No contact on 24/12/22 with narcissist sister. However as she has regular contact with other members who are all dysfunction I have decided to no contact the lot. So far just phone calls and messages. ( flying monkeys) . Ignored all. Going through detox at moment from toxic trauma bond. Determined to heal and not be around these toxic people again.

@JulieSevelson-nb9nj

8 ай бұрын

Good for you,Alan ! And congratulations on going into detox, and putting your life on track without meddling from dysfunctional family members.

@Bronte866

6 ай бұрын

Go full no contact. No contact of any kind with them or anyone they know. Get away. You can only then make a life for yourself and a family of your choosing. This abuse will never, ever stop.

#18 - Can't rely on the "good" parent

@asasial1977

2 жыл бұрын

Never had the good parent, anyone not constantly blaming, accusing, or belittling me would have been welcome

@user-ot2uy2og9l

2 жыл бұрын

😔💔

@TheSoloPsiloNaut

2 жыл бұрын

My mother asked me whether or not she was a good mother to me growing up and I'm thinking, wow man, were you not there? Did you forget all the screaming, crying, and fiasco after fiasco? All for man who will, to this day, throw her under the bus to save himself, use her for money and mentally abuse her children. That's what she accepts daily and all her children must suffer along with her. 3 out of 4 children contemplated suicide, but she doesn't know.

No contact best option

I would add to this, "Always have a source of discord going on. Several, one tied directly at a specific member, another that everyone can be mad about together., perhaps more. This is to keep everyone under control and distracted from the real problems."

@macnchessplz

Ай бұрын

Good addition.To control and distract… I think it’s also some kind of twisted bonding as well.The shared hatred keeps everyone sucked in.

I just came home after spending a 1 month helping my narcissistic stepmother out. I was treated very badly by her and her daughters. I will never go back. That family is so toxic I can't stand anyone of them. Was used and abused and will no longer put up with it. Was ordered around like a dog and my step mom would make plans with my stepsister and then would ignore me and just expect me to drive her around and go along with what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go. She treated me like I was invisible. It was appalling. I finally told her off. I wanted to order a pizza and she would flip out and throw a tantrum. I was not allowed to drink her bottle sodas and was expected to buy my own food and drink even though I was there to help her. It was horrendous. I felt like a trapped animal.

‘My house, my rules’… always, no matter what house you’re in

I was the golden child but that was abusive too, I was the cook, the cleaner, I looked after her children. As the eldest I bore the brunt of her rage , always. I knew something was really off with our family, I felt very alone, there was no love or care from siblings, I spent 20 years pouring positive energy into these relationships with not one gesture of care back. But something happened that was the catalyst for all of her covert narc behaviours to come out in one go...... the grouping of the behaviours in a short time frame was massively distressing and the pain of it will likely never be matched by anything else. I switched from golden child to scapegoat in that time. I didnt know what covert narcissism was then so the confusion was agonising. A wise friend told me it was likely covert narcissism and so many pieces fell into place when I started to look into this. She had literally metered out every single covert narc strategy to me over three months then she and my father gaslit me about the abuse and my siblings ignored me. I got the full view ....I have a very toxic family system. I'm out now, but they still contact me at birthdays and I've had to get the police involved because it's so damaging to my mental health. So they will ignore me and invalidate me and psychologically erase me, but will then come back and harass me. Literally THE most toxic forms of communication possible. It's been the most painful experience of my life , but I'm now out of the Truman Show, I now have a much better understanding of the abuse I experienced. I am on a very different path but it's a path of truth now instead of pouring yet more energy into a cess pit of toxicity and hoping for something positive back.

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

I know the pain and the struggle. Keep up the healing and and connection with yourself. In the upcoming weeks I will be uploading more content regarding the topic- growing out of dysfunctional family dynamics and getting your family of origin out of you. I also have an upcoming workshop on this topic- it can help you tremendously on this journey you are on. I send love, healing and strength your way ❤️

@truthtriumphant4015

8 ай бұрын

I too was the golden child...oldest...cook/cleaner/babysitter/yard boy/etc. My poor sister was the scapegoat...I tried to get mom to love me...I think sis just did not give a flip. It only took one time ...and when I stood my ground on a moral issue...she no longer cared for me...except when she needed me to do something for her...like put up the x mas tree...or clean out her pantry. Dad was an abusive/womanizing/bipolar alcoholic so no love from that side. Toxic parenting to the max.

Never enough love and respect .one has to gain at someone loss .so true .

...gosh can recognise so many things from my family-background. Can also recognise the trauma and struggle there is in my grown-up life coming from this background! If I should describe my upbringing it would be: tension, fear, smooth out any conflict on the surface, feeling unsafe, explosive rage from certain family members, don't disagree, don't have your own opinions and feelings, show the outside world how perfect the family is to the outside, loyalty to the family members over anything else, never say no to things or requests from family members...and so much more!

@annikatan378

8 ай бұрын

I can resonate this with you ❤

Narcissists create catch 22 scenarios and fall guys in the hopes that they only come out on top of their twisted games

So, so spot on that I had to send it to my sister. You described our childhood without knowing we exist. Just...gobsmacking in how accurate. One that hit so hard was that with unreliable parents, one might be emotionally wanting to care and provide properly, but they're under submission, so in truth, you can't rely on them. I know my poor mother knew she fell short at that line of submission, and that she felt terrible guilt and shame over it, but was unable to overcome it. Smh. I am so sad that this was our reality.

You have been through this sick game thank you for showing me once again how evil they are👍

I had the inter-battle I would prove my parents wrong. Everything you mentioned was so true about my family. Thank you.

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome, I'm glad resonated!

So unbelievably accurate. I'm facing siblings that truly want my emotional destruction. After the death of my mother, they turned on me fully, ganged up on me last year, a long time coming. I even could see with distinction triangulation with certain extended family members who didn't want to go with the head narcissist fully at first. More lies, gossip and slander was served & an even more severe manipulation of the lesser narcs was needed to finish the deed of fully isolating me. I watched this all unfold as they intentionally inflicted emotional harm. Luckily and hilariously because I'm stronger than all of them put together, I am still standing better than ever. I have also taken many psychological acting classes where they trained us to see the subtext in human behavior which has been very helpful to me. They don't know it, but they can "feel" how I see right through them, they are terrified as I know they are all heavily masked. I truly believe in a concerted effort with the head narc they were actually trying to cause my emotional breakdown, to the point one weaker narc kept calling me, feeling guilty I suspect after the brutal discarding or a spy. Not really sure but do know she kept calling and kept asking if I was okay in voicemails. I never answered her. And I have since been no contact with all of them two siblings and 2 in-laws and all of their children. Now they are all having karmic tragedies in their life, I won't get into details but it's pretty biblical in some cases. It is unfortunately it's very sad. Meanwhile I'm free healthy happy, lost a ton of weight, got a huge raise & bonus at my job. just took classes again & being creative, I have more friends than ever feeling better thanks to a support group for adult children of Alcoholics. I believe a lot of narcissism and toxicity stems from the disease of alcoholism. Thanks ever so much to you for this video!

@rayc9899

2 жыл бұрын

So please for you, you deserve full piece of mind. They are pure evil, no contact is the best for your well being.

@TheJustinJ

6 ай бұрын

Christianity creates Narcissism. God is a sociopath.

Julie Hall’s book ‘The Narcissist in your Life’ is like the bible for understanding narcissistic personality disordered people. I’d recommend it to anyone.

Wow. I just found you, and this material is just excellent. 100% correct. Aggressive narc pop, passive aggressive mother, raised in the unstable, neurotic world of a transient military family, we had no escape. Ugly stories all. This is so validating. Thank you.

Wow Jerry, this just rattled a few bars of the cage. Thank you very much! You are the 2nd wise Jerry in my life & I am so grateful for the work you do and share. So much Love.

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

You are very welcome Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

No discussions. No opinions. Totally ignore the parent ( Scapegoat ) you are told to, by the leader. Be obedient to the lead parent. Do not ask for anything. Do not have anger. Do not have or bring friends into the home. These were some of ours.

the most liberating thing i ever did....riding of my narcissistic family... i am now known as a single child to already dead parents. My therapist was key to giving me back my life.

Family Super Self = The Cult Hivemind

This is the most helpful video I have EVER seen in this long, painful journey with my husband's family system!

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

That's great Debbie! Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

@scribebing2043

2 жыл бұрын

I dont deal with this narcs family AT ALL NOT FOR YEARS NOPE NAW NO! HAPPIER💯💥

When the parent who abused me died I felt a tremendous freedom. I also grieved that she and we would never have the loving relationship I had craved for the first 50 years of my life.

Your description of the "super self" was exactly what I needed to hear right now. I come from a narcissistic family, and the golden child (my sister) is getting married and I am voluntarily not going to the wedding. You can only imagine the shit show that will come of this. It's been emotionally challenging, but this "super self" description seriously gave me so much insight. Thank you so much for this video, I can't begin to describe how much I needed to hear these things right now.

@makaylahollywood3677

Жыл бұрын

I moved to Paris, French, avoided a wedding..and wanted to learn French so I could become as I might- without the family.

Excellent explanation of family dynamics. I was the family scapegoat.

@jerrywise

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

Thank you for your informative information. This absolutely describes my mother. Although I am her oldest daughter, my sister 14 months younger has always been her “golden child” and has made it known to me on many occasions. As a child my mom would call me names of my dads family members that she hated. She would tell me I was just like them. As a young teen she use to tell me that she loved me but she sure did not like me because I was a hard person to like. I could go on and on but I am sure you have an idea of how I grew up. This did not stop as a young adult and has continued all of my life. Her behavior toward me hurt to my very core. I did try to talk with her once. All she would say was that my feelings were wrong and untruthful. I have gradually disconnected emotionally from this type of emotional abuse from my mom as well as my younger sister who boasts and declares her position in our family. She really enjoys letting me know that she knows she is the favorite. After watching you video here I now understand a lot more about narcissistic behavior and more how to deal with it. Thank you

@JulieSevelson-nb9nj

8 ай бұрын

Hopefully, you will be able to go no-contact with them all.

@bookbeing

8 ай бұрын

You describe my family almost exactly. The only difference My sister is 21 months younger.

I think my grandma was narcissistic, and my grandpa possibly codependent. Plus, he worked a lot, so my grandma was the disciplinarian or what have you. The thing I got is that even if what she said was wrong, my grandpa went along with it. And I see in my mom and her sister's that they tend to be narcissistic, angry, and bitter towards men. They talk behind each other's back and create unnecessary drama. Some of them are mid to late 60's. The only thing I say is seek counseling and get help. Don't go to your grave with this mindset and way of being.

I grew up in a VERY toxic family, the eldest of 5 daughters. The golden child until I kicked my father out of the home. I was 18. Then the scapegoat, boy she suffered, became the golden child and I became the scapegoat with an enabler for a mother. Also a narc. It was and still is hell on earth.

You have just explained the congregation of my mother's small church exactly as though it is an extended family with all those problems. Always fear, always can do better and can always contribute more to the group's moral codes.

It really really helps me to understand my husband's family. I've been traumatized and didn't understand what is actually going on in his family. Thank you so much for making this video.

@erinsuzy613

7 ай бұрын

I'm in the same boat. I've managed to protect my children from joining their cult because I am the scapegoat. They've already made the newest SIL a flying monkey. I avoid their parties but have yet to figure out how to handle going to any funerals.

@sayno2672

7 ай бұрын

I feel you. I'm still recovering from the damage. I personally taking a spiritual journey for own healing process. We can't change them, but we can make a right choice for ourselves and our children. Most important thing is we don't become like them. We protect our hearts to do the right thing. You are not alone! I pray for your healing.@@erinsuzy613

@Bronte866

6 ай бұрын

Get away from that man & his messed up family. Leave. Then divorce him. Make a life for yourself. Understanding what’s going on will not help you. Going no contact is what helps. There is no other way and there are no exceptions.

Thank you for sharing this info.

Simple conversations are power transactions and games of one-upmanship composed of zero compassion and high conflict. Italian poet Dante published the epic poem 'Divine Comedy - Inferno' in 1321, narrating a tour of the nine circles of hell. The final ninth circle, the worst sin, is treachery: the intentional betrayal of love and trust. Treachery undermines the basis of relationships. Conceding to treachery opens the doorway to all evil. How do you stand up to intentional betrayal of love and trust? There is no conscience in evil. So, aim for no contact...or very superficial contact as necessary...not enough grey rock in this world.

Abandoned, is my life

EVERYTHING IS VALID. Takes the breath away remembering. The scapegoat gets the most attacks, to unhinged the emotions and make scapegoat look bad to the rest of the family. Emotional rollercoaster ride yes. Chronic negation of all of your emotions. Negation of all your hopes. Never feel safe nor secure that your spouse respects you, honors you, listens to you. Never have a conversation with the scapegoat. Only talk to the lead parent when alone. Obedience is everything.

I hope you know how precious your words are to me. My son treats me like dirt he's gaslighted me he's kept me from my grandchildren for many years you are helping me to understand what my narcissistic son is all about God bless you and keep you and your family safe and keep the videos coming

@judyjones6304

Жыл бұрын

Yes mine did and does this too. His wife controls all for herself well . Like devils.

@OboeQueen27

7 ай бұрын

Your son is "narcissistic" because of your parenting. Nobody cuts their parents off unless it is the last resort. So you either abused that child so baddly he ran away from you for good, or you had that kid with an abusive manipulative man. You are coming to a comment section to look for support, wahhhhh my bad kid the scapegoat! He's never going to let you triangulated his kids against him. Enjoy your sad lonely death bed.

@Bronte866

6 ай бұрын

I wonder how a child becomes a narcissist and as an adult doesn’t want you around his children?