I'm no longer offering one-on-one coaching sessions so I've partnered with BetterHelp, an affordable online therapy portal where you can get matched with a licensed counselor who specializes in abuse and trauma. - Get 10% off your first month with this link: betterhelp.com/innerintegration

@dkiwi2839

4 жыл бұрын

So you do that spill, then just dump and go. I know y think you done something

@Sigma_Sage13

4 жыл бұрын

@@dkiwi2839 Why are you insulting her? She's still offering help on a different platform. She has a life as well.

@yonataneliyahu6318

4 жыл бұрын

This episode is absolutely “nail on head” and 100% accurate. I completely cut the individuals off and it has been very interesting to watch from a distance! A safe distance...

@joshualavonobeyer9183

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah well they can kiss my Ass!!! 1 of these family members.

@joshualavonobeyer9183

4 жыл бұрын

Lol it reminds me of my life! I can't go to,the bathroom with out these people causing this. As long as they know ....we are not,going to take this abuse anymores, me n,my fiancee don't want to,be involved nomores with these people and family. We dip out

Being an outcast in a toxic family is actually a gift. You just can't see it until later. Use it to create great art!

@djahooyethiomiraabyssinia1739

2 жыл бұрын

That's What Gave Me a Unique Vi22in life. N i Am Starting To Understand All The suffering

@LiveByDesign

2 жыл бұрын

Omg it’s such a gift …I’ve never felt so much peace in my life …it’s after separating myself that I really realized how much toxicity I was exposed to

@blackbutterfly2310

2 жыл бұрын

♥️🌹

@sheldor73

2 жыл бұрын

Wouldn't the gift be to not be born into a toxic family in the first place? I was born into very high toxic family and find myself impossibly stuck within those confines still.

@spirituallygangtress3492

2 жыл бұрын

@@sheldor73 yea, that was me. Remind yourself you’re the one that got out. Now bring your mind and soul that’s still over there with them to where you’re at and enjoy your new journey. It feels lonely but it won’t always be like that forever. ❤️

I was at an AA meeting one time when someone said, “keep coming back here where you’re treated like family.” Someone else cross talked and said, “No, you don’t want to be treated like family, that’s why most of us are here.” I agreed.

@Marie_Laveau

3 жыл бұрын

So true

@miriamhavard7621

3 жыл бұрын

☺️😏

@vickijohorne9695

3 жыл бұрын

😂 yeah! You don't want to be treated like family if it's going to be like the family you were treated like before, where you were expected to conform and kiss the Ring of the narcissist in the family, who held you to a higher standard but did not live up to it themselves. Selfishly gave you no voice. I heard something the other day which was that Christ never put anyone to the sword. He didn't judge, but he loved everyone and told us to love everyone. This is the kind of love that makes other people healthy, and it makes you healthy to Love in This Way. My phone is capitalizing letters for me as I used talk to text feature. I deeply appreciate her videos of inner integration. I do believe we have to go no contact for a while until we can see straight and then when we come back with old family members we can stop them in their tracks with gentleness of course, but tell them, "whoa! I don't subscribe to that way of thinking anymore. I have my own mind." And then make it a while before you contact or spend any time with them again. Also during the holidays, make sure that you set up some kind of way out or some kind of reason why you don't want to be there that long or cannot be there that long. This is to protect your sanity and your boundaries, which they will have no regard for. A person can only go gray rock for so long before they get sucked back into a toxic dynamic. Better to spend more time away than with others that are toxic

@clarecarden8051

3 жыл бұрын

😆😆😆

@coreyanderson1457

3 жыл бұрын

The way a family should be, wouldn't that be nice. Yes there are good families. I just got a horrible dealing of cards. No one should deal with this. I agree though! Thanks for sharing.

A high five to scapegoats and truth seekers of the family.Survivor and proud of it!

@Joshdifferent

Жыл бұрын

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@gjimenez155

Жыл бұрын

I feel the same way

@c3909

Жыл бұрын

Thanks bro ! 😊

@Onelove858

Жыл бұрын

❤🎉❤👏👏 Amen! I salute 🫡 you!

@aprildawnmeans2663

Жыл бұрын

Ditto!!! 😊😊❤❤

I was the golden child who became the black sheep. I set boundaries and they disregarded. I went completely no contact 10 years ago. Best thing I've ever done.

@koscarlynn

2 жыл бұрын

Hello Jennifer, I recently went no contact from alllll of my family and instantly felt the weight released🤍 and am a bit nervous on my next step, do you have any tips of what has helped you?

@bebadoll68

2 жыл бұрын

@@koscarlynn Hello if you don’t mind me adding my opinion, focusing on healing mind body spirit in a holistic approach. Investing time and energy back to once self, Invest your money and time on learning subjects you’re interested in. Also look out for the future you because no one else will🥲careful who you choose to spend your time with, good luck 💚

@jeniferbaxter8547

Жыл бұрын

you give me hope that the golden child in my situation may find a way to escape!

@anjaliv2117

Жыл бұрын

@@koscarlynn reparenting your inner child ..

@danielegintonlandscapearch4953

Жыл бұрын

I just went no contact. Sounds like it’s worth it?

Mine would say “Family is Forever”. Oh no it is not, I left.

@reddnewmillennium

4 жыл бұрын

Wanda CUSTANCE LoL 🏃🏼‍♀️

@MariaColomy

4 жыл бұрын

"I'm not your friend, I'm your family. I don't have to treat you the way your friends do."

@shellhill3142

4 жыл бұрын

Good for you. You make your own family

@Iulia958

4 жыл бұрын

I recognize those words. “I am family and so are you so you should......(bla bla) act like this”

@cookiecutter344

4 жыл бұрын

Go girl, me too!

Narcissists view themselves as the victims

@InnerIntegration

5 жыл бұрын

Very often they do! I did a video on the victim narcissist too.

@tracy8591

5 жыл бұрын

Linda Hollander it’s so true. Their distorted and disturbed heads believe ‘how dare you!’ You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you allow them to control you, you’ll lose yourself piece by piece and if you have your own identity they will also want to crush you and cry the victim simply for you wanting to be another human being deserving of respect and value. Either way, they will make sure to get their narc supply at your expense.

@lindahollander3588

5 жыл бұрын

@@tracy8591 5 Thank you tracy, i feel bettet now, for quite some time i felt guilt and blamed myself, i see its a common thing that happens to orhers not just me

@rachelmartineau8102

5 жыл бұрын

Linda Hollander So True!

@angelacarleton9575

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, they do and no amount of explanation except for one in which I wanted to finish high school but she had plans for me to marry when I had yet not finished high school. I was the "golden goose" in my family. I attracted people that would shower me with gifts and my mother would take them away or sell them to get money out of them. I tried to help her understand she could get a better job if she learned the English language but made excuses and I knew then at 11 years old my life will be full of problems due to a parent not facing responsibilities for her actions as I have already seen too much of that already. It hurts to think parents can be so cruel and unjust. What I learned was to be the opposite a loving, patient and compassionate parent to my two children. Both have turned out right. The unfortunate incident of my marriage is that I married a narcissist. I felt a strange feeling when my future husband and mother met - as if they knew each other. I didn't give it much thought. Since I had no knowledge of narcissist and what they were. I'm sorry I didn't learn this earlier.

Everyone loved my mother and thought that she was great and funny. She terrorized my sister and I behind closed doors, while simultaneously favoring my sister over me. I thought I was insane because I was the only that saw what was going on...

@WomanRoaring

2 жыл бұрын

Kids at school thought my mom was cool, they'd call her Rosanne (she kinda looked like her) because she was "funny" when she made fun of me. She did yard duty weekly so they got to know her pretty well and her trying to be the cool mom by putting me down made the bullying at school even worse. my mom could be sweet and generous but to other people.

@ladennayoung2939

2 жыл бұрын

No. It sounds like she is a covert narcissist. That is what they do. Do what you have to do in order to protect your joy, peace, and sanity in Jesus name.

@memelc5655

2 жыл бұрын

Yep we got the belt

@prove_it000

2 жыл бұрын

same

@ashleywfuller

2 жыл бұрын

That’s very sad. That happened to our family except my sister was the one being abused and I was favored. I didn’t realize until recently. I moved on and buried it and never dealt with it. I went through a tough time that forced all those feelings out and I started to realize what rally happened. Terrible. The thing is I feel terrible, and at fault for it 😞

They definitely don't care about the pain they cause on you.

@JacksTestimony

2 жыл бұрын

God is Good brother

@starseeds8121

2 жыл бұрын

@@JacksTestimony you may be right.

@Joshdifferent

Жыл бұрын

💯💯❤️❤️

@stefaniaschannel

4 ай бұрын

They enjoy the high of Self-righteousness instead 😈

I’m the Black Sheep, because I speak out in my Family 🤭

@wallaceclan72

4 жыл бұрын

Greg Roman or the white sheep amongst the black sheep family.

@Cosmicoo82

4 жыл бұрын

Greg Roman I do too! Welcome to the club

@samwinchester61

4 жыл бұрын

Same here. Its a bit scary at times as you cant always predict the outcomes.

@mattrussillo4587

4 жыл бұрын

I guess we're a bigger Club than they would want to believe!

@emmaanne5121

4 жыл бұрын

Greg Roman good for you!

It's funny how your narcissistic parent has perfect self control in public, but once alone he returns to his old, abusive habits.

@laja6108

5 жыл бұрын

Just goes to show they are perfectly capable, but ultimately too selfish to make it their regular state outside the public eye.

@ultravioletpisces3666

5 жыл бұрын

When they don't appear to have self control, its really that they are trying to control you.

@michellecollins290

5 жыл бұрын

o0Avalon0o and mother 😂

@doriswhite1348

5 жыл бұрын

@o0Avalon0o, True. When I was in my teens my mother told me I was a, "street angle and house brat." She was describing herself, not me. Relatives we visited talk about how sweet she was. Not once she got home.

@aGuyNamedEr1c

5 жыл бұрын

My step father's dog and pony show around new people is funny. Then if they hang around enough they see the real deal and run for the hills.

Exactly what I’ve experienced. Don’t ever point out a family member doing something wrong to you! They will all gang up and turn on you

@dnk4559

7 ай бұрын

Yes this has been my experience.

@bevmartin7483

Ай бұрын

Yup, been there

I’m no-contact with my entire family of origin. Best and hard3st decision of my life. My life now is unrecognisable , in a good way!

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

Maria Lua,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

@izroda84

2 жыл бұрын

Same here and after one year the joy is way more than the negative effects. Hold strong and keep ascending. Btw this change opened tha channel to bring a healthy partner in my life

@jazbogideon7050

2 жыл бұрын

Congrats!

@Joshdifferent

Жыл бұрын

Same here! Whole family ! I pray you heal ❤️💯❤️

@Joshdifferent

Жыл бұрын

💯💯💯

Him: Don't come back here anymore! Me: I won't. And I lived happily ever after.

@nuriasanzgarcia5119

4 жыл бұрын

He told me on chat "get out of here" ....

@andrezinhogamer7208

4 жыл бұрын

Hahahahaha

@savedbygrace5422

4 жыл бұрын

Wow this sounds so familiar it’s unbelievable!

@a007girl

4 жыл бұрын

He told me I am a crazy psycho I told him he was right and it would be safe for him to get far away from me

@Imtoobizzy1123

4 жыл бұрын

@Aise StarShine Me too, ten years ago. Never looked back. Best thing I ever did!

The scapegoat is always the TRUTH TELLER. If u are stay strong and GET OUT AND STAY OUT.

@LadyBoBannon

5 жыл бұрын

I escaped my ex and the ex in laws who were a narcissistic family. The mother, I suspect, has undiagnosed mental illness. She doesn't stay in reality for long and is always positive to the point of it being delusional. My ex and his sister would always say "Well that's mom." I thought something was off when I first met his mother but the ex and his sister just ignored it. There were no boundaries with the mother and her late husband, the ex's father. They would show up and walk into our house without notice. The mom bought and still buys toys for her grown kids like they are still 10 years old. It's like she is stuck. Around holidays we could not do our own thing or see my family much. His family took priority. When I came out with the abuse from the ex, his sister didn't believe me and the family circled the wagons around the ex. The sister scolded me for coming out with the truth about her brother. Image is important to them all. Imo they are jealous and envious I escaped their backwards messed up family cult

@blacklotus3965

5 жыл бұрын

Good point

@nikkiscapegoat5662

5 жыл бұрын

Lara O'neal very true! Much love and strength to all scapegoats!!! We are some tough people!

@lyefree757

5 жыл бұрын

@@LadyBoBannon Wow. I had a situation where inlaw mother and siblings had a Xmas gift polyana that excluded spouses. I spoke up and it was made to look like I was selfish and being a bitch and controlling. Im like spouses are always to b included. My husband is included and acts helpless. Im fed up. No one ever visits us we must go to them. Not anymore so now im super bitch. My mind is on the future. They will not change. Sad im just seeing this after 20 yrs. #help

@pavanatanaya

5 жыл бұрын

My older brother was made the scape goat in our dysfunctional childhood. He walked away as soon as his legs could take him. Immediately after he was gone, the goat horns were fitted onto me. It's taken decades to recognized the pattern, and I still fall prey to their crap, but I see it more clearly. For me, it's progress, not perfection.

The mantra of my parents was: "No one loves you like your family." I was relieved to find out that they were right!

@mysticrose3543

2 жыл бұрын

My narcissistic ex also said, " No one will ever love you like I do". I said, " I hope not".

@airenmoonwolf2520

2 жыл бұрын

@@mysticrose3543 Guess what? He's probably right! Isn't that amazing? I know I was soooo happy to learn that love doesn't mean people get to hurt you and you just have to accept it.

@Krissy_K888

2 жыл бұрын

this made me laugh out loud, so true :D

@clairewolf6013

2 жыл бұрын

When I discovered what being treated lovingly by friends was like, I was blown away.

@bereal6590

2 жыл бұрын

My mom! It's a very manipulative thing to say as it evokes insecurity that without them you'd not survive! In really we survived spite them

I cannot begin to tell you how bad it hurts. They don't care. This is EXACTLY what nobody will understand unless they have gone through it. It is debilitating. I am crying because I have never heard it put into words. Thank you for the validation. I am completely alone in this. Thank you for understanding.

@chanb7168

2 жыл бұрын

I understand you 100% and I too am alone in this!!! It is very very hard. I lean on God being the only One that I feel fully that I can...especially in those desperate moments when NO ONE understands!!! It is very hurtful. I watched one video last night that the guy said we have to realize we do not need their validation to live our lives. That was an eye opener. I knew how I was feeling but that put it into words for me that I truly needed.

@gibbyswife9218

2 жыл бұрын

@@chanb7168 Thank you for your heartfelt reply. I too, ask God for the strength to get me through. Thank you again, Chan B. 💞🙏🤲

@chanb7168

2 жыл бұрын

@@gibbyswife9218 You're very welcome!!!

@gibbyswife9218

2 жыл бұрын

@@chanb7168 💞

@delagonz4295

2 жыл бұрын

we are all alone together in this

When the enablers are members of your family, that's almost worse than the abuse

@vivdoolan6846

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely agree, the invalidation and erasure of the abuse is almost worse than the abuse itself

@tinamcgee8032

Жыл бұрын

Agree💯

@AZDC99

Жыл бұрын

The enablers in my family could not wait to do the pile on being the cowards they were. I've lived 2300 miles away for decades... Yet here comes the orchestrated attack out of faux concern

@shelbykofficial

Жыл бұрын

💯💯

@heidipeters7174

8 ай бұрын

Absolutely. When you marry into this type of narcissistic/ cult family and the main narcs are your sister in laws and the flying monkeys/ enablers are your husband and kids it’s devastating. It’s all about their family unit. Anyone who discovered their game will be ground down and punished.

Protecting the IMAGE of the family. SPOT ON.

@melanie.l6282

4 жыл бұрын

yes that's my mother who is the leader of the group

@SusanaXpeace2u

3 жыл бұрын

This is so true. I cut off contact with my parents in April because I was not going to tolerate being labelled paranoid any more. They defended their right to label me paranoid, they got angry with me that I didn't see this 'right'. I stopped contacting them. They aren't contacting me because they are so angry with me. I live near them unfortunately and my front garden was like a jungle. I wouldn't have blamed the neighbours for thinking it looked like a crack house. My dad who will not listen to me, who defends his absolute right to have called a CHILD paranoid, he came over and cut my grass. The back garden, accessible by side alley, he left that :D :D

@meetdiamond

3 жыл бұрын

My mother would get angry with my grandmother, her mother-in-law, when my grandmother would call the police on my father in his youth. He was violent our entire childhood and my mother did nothing (she was violent too and so was my grandmother--disordered people flock together), at least not seeking real law enforcement when it was needed because it was shameful later (she always took him back, they're still together to this day). One day he pulled a gun on my brother when my brother was a teenager and struck my father when he was trying to smash stuff in my brother's room. Somehow my grandmother found out and called the police when the incident was still happening. To this day, everyone is the most bothered by my grandmother calling the police because it was embarrassing rather than being bothered that my father demonstrated the kind of behavior that would pull a gun on a loved one in the first place. It's like they're all from another planet. My father is a psychopath, my mother is a covert narcissist. I was doomed.

@starseeds8121

3 жыл бұрын

Its all about keeping up the false image.

@8no1likeme-infinitestar65

3 жыл бұрын

Oh I know right!!!

58 years old and completely free!! Amen! Free of family free of men free of friendships that consumed and sucked the life out of me!!

@koolbeans8292

3 жыл бұрын

Amy Cyr 👍 Going on 5 years for me. I’m 64.

@jennilynmae

26 күн бұрын

That's awesome. Congratulations!

I am the first person to ever wake up from my family’s toxic cultic behaviour 😩😩!! I’m glad but it is also quite lonely! None of my cousins or sisters see it!

@beverlyhayshouston2770

2 жыл бұрын

Hey Cuz! I’m here for you! Blessings from Tennessee!

@ladennayoung2939

2 жыл бұрын

Oh well you have to live for you in the mighty name of Jesus. Sometimes the Lord will choose us to break generational curses, and it can be lonely but we have to do His will in Jesus name.

@crisl9079

10 ай бұрын

Feel ya. Same. God bless you!

The gossip: "Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, and small minds talk about people." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

@marvelman8996

3 жыл бұрын

Not entirely true... People are complex are therfore difficult to understand But yeah if you're talking about the gossip then yeah I agree

@bereal6590

3 жыл бұрын

Excellent quote 😊😊

@NFTeve

3 жыл бұрын

my family was always so petty

@tinamcgee8032

Жыл бұрын

Excellent quote 👌💯

@juliecarter2048

3 ай бұрын

Awesome!

"Start unsubscribing from the narcissists reality" - love that; only someone who has experience with this would understand what that means.

@leahwarrior1734

3 жыл бұрын

I fully understand where you are coming from! I left my own family at 16 years old and it took me a long time to break from the patterns which meant it carried on into my relationships. Finally after al these years although it’s tricky having to start your own life it’s better than the toxic energy that we have a choice as people to decide who we allow into our lives and realising our own self worth. It takes a lot of inner child work and self compassion and learning to trust ourselves and love ourselves enough to never settle with anyone who doesn’t merit our time. Feel free to to look me up where you can find interesting and uplifting stuff that I have created with researching to help people and motivate etc... I am “ The Wellbeing Warrior “ on tumblr. And to anyone who may be suffering during lockdown to practice self compassion and self nurturing and the little things that can help you amongst all the chaos! I love this woman so “ relative! “ Blessings to you and all who may read this I know your pain. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😇🕊💜🧘‍♀️🧘‍♀️

@braedenevans9225

3 жыл бұрын

yes yes yes. shut it down immediately. i like to just make the narcs in my family that i have to be around feel just ridiculous for the crazy things they say. things kinda like asking for the logic behind the gaslighting & lies. you can especially tell when they change subject, get mad, or struggle to find the words to say (which is usually when they get really mad). i started recording them sometimes when they are yelling lmaoo. i try not to let them know tho. i don’t approve of feeding the flame-each individual situation is different so nobody put yourself in danger pls.🥺💙

@l.5832

3 жыл бұрын

For years my narc mom would proudly say "I live in a world of my own". She would not recall any toxic thing she did to me. She said she only remembers the good things (she has done) but remembers any perceived error I have made.

@leahwarrior1734

3 жыл бұрын

@@l.5832 That’s exactly the games they play! I disowned my family! It wasn’t easy and at times it isn’t around Christmas and so on. But I will say, that my life is easier in other ways and the friends that I have are like my family. As they say; “ you pick your friends but you don’t pick your family.” I joke around saying that I got the “ booby prize!” with my family ha ha!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🕊💜

@astrarai-thesobercoder

5 ай бұрын

The narcissistic family dynamic is abusive on so many levels. Growing up for me ( I'm 41, born in 1982), this information was not available via social media platforms. I knew the vibe was off and this video accurately explains what I experienced. I wuz always a truth teller and thus scapegoated 🤷🏽‍♂️ I'm glad I walked away from the toxic dynamic.

"This is the fight of your life..." You got that right.

@rockmetalgoddess5009

2 жыл бұрын

It is.

@27boof

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!

@Hephzibah-eq9kr

7 ай бұрын

Definitely

I spoke out against the sexual abuse I experienced as a child that landed me in the hospital and took me out of school for half the year. When my friend revealed the abuse on my sister's Facebook post, mother was notified. She told me I was a disgrace to the family and that what my friend did was taken as I don't want to be a part of the family. I responded to her and blocked her forever. The molester isn't the disgrace...the victim who spoke out is the disgrace. 😒

@InnerIntegration

2 жыл бұрын

It’s so messed up how they will defend the pedophile and the family image over everything else. I talked about this in a video I did called Divorcing The Original Narcissist.

@bl7817

10 ай бұрын

Typical, and I'm sorry. I would also question how much of a "friend" someone is who discloses your private business on Facebook. Horrific boundary violation and betrayal of trust. Survivors of narcs also have a lot of trouble choosing real friends.

Can't tell you How much I heard "Honour your father and mother" cited at me by my mother trying to get me to behave and stay complacent in my abuse

@Linda30189

4 жыл бұрын

No where is it written to honor abusers.

@Anabel002

4 жыл бұрын

Yep, and if you disobey them, they'll scream at you "you call yourself a Christian?!?" as if being a Christian means absolute blind obedience to them like they're God.

@kristinetompkins4261

4 жыл бұрын

It also says, don’t frustrate your children.

@alexischristopher2015

4 жыл бұрын

Same with me. Amazing.

@alexischristopher2015

4 жыл бұрын

Also narcissists are worshipping themselves not God. They are their own God which is against the commandments. Naraccistist are incapable of worshipping God overthemselves. It is idolatry. ...of self.

Do not expect alliances. The first one to appear will be seeking info to report back.. be careful.. be patient.. be happy and free.

@datdapgotskip

5 жыл бұрын

Nice one..just had to call out one of my disgusting family members on this. Digging for info acting like they care. Sick.

@moonytheblackcatxx

5 жыл бұрын

Lana Moore yes they almost always are just digging for information to sacrifice to the narcissist "god "

@aFoxyFox.

5 жыл бұрын

What the heck is going on?

@vivian4762

5 жыл бұрын

Wow I feel this comment deeply

@notyourfrind9415

5 жыл бұрын

Best advice ever given. Embrace the loneliness.

9:30 "Those people (enabling the the abuse) may or may not be disordered, but they're definitely TOXIC if they're covering up the abuse." Very well said!

I've only had my husband, he saw how things went down. I am so thankful for him, he has kept my head above the water. 🙏✌❣️☀️🙏

@luckyduckydaisyflower2344

Жыл бұрын

Be careful have more than one friend

@taraarrington2285

Жыл бұрын

❤

@Hawaiiansky11

Жыл бұрын

And I bet they hate him for it. God bless you and your wonderful husband. Thank God for our sanity anchors!

I was the daughter-in-law of a narcissistic family and I’m in awe at how accurate this is. My ex-husband was incredibly co-dependent and was and enabler of the mental abuse I got from them. At the end, he chose them over me and his daughter. My daughter and I have left and are starting over and I’m starting the healing process. All praise is due to God for giving me the strength to leave...many don’t and succumb to the abuse.

@63mjandres

4 жыл бұрын

Husna S. Going thru something similar with my in laws and listening to this makes my stomach turn.

@sarahnushkaya4973

4 жыл бұрын

Been there. Big hug and hat down to you getting out with your child..very brave. You already know but youre so much better off. 🌹❤️

@newempressintown6371

4 жыл бұрын

You did well, those are hard circumstances ❤️u have to “put the oxygen mask on yourself first” ( and your daughter 👍🏼🐯I wish everything going really well for you ❤️

@loveheals6184

4 жыл бұрын

ASA, Husna. Congrats on leaving; the effort to do so when surrounded by folks reinforcing the behavior is devastating. I wish you consistent, healthy, loving support and solidarity. May your courage be continually rewarded. I'm the daughter of two narcissistic parents and in my case, as a firstborn and child of immigrants, the level of emotional and psychological abuse has been so damaging. I'm trying to get healthy after feeling like I've wasted my whole life trying to please them yet remaining the scapegoat. May God help us all.

@stacybenton2011

4 жыл бұрын

Husna S. I am dealing with a similar situation. If you need someone to talk to I would love to connect. Send an email to stacybenton2011@gmail.com

"Build a new family" is exactly how people wind up in a cult. Running from an abusive family, people wind up joining an abusive faith community that love bombs them at first. It's good to find people. I'm just saying to be very, very careful when building a new family.

@InnerIntegration

5 жыл бұрын

Great point!!

@judithprins7132

5 жыл бұрын

Too right !!!

@sage9836

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, I almost got into a high control religious group while trying to build a family. Good thing the group had enough goodness to be gracious about my exit. That was wonderful of them, but I had read Steve Hassan, and I knew I had to go.

@wellnative1

5 жыл бұрын

CaptPostmod I sought out therapy. Both individual and group therapy. Best thing I could have done for myself.

@stefaniamirri1112

5 жыл бұрын

we have to be very very careful in every relationship..even at work, stating clearly loud our boundaries, throwing it there with nonchalance but making sure everyone heard it, cause otherwise so "trained in families" as we have been, outside that environment we can become prays of other narcissistic predators that smell our escape goat nature as vampires on the blood. sadly the Narcissism is so complex that we have also to watch out ourselves cause outside the main relationship in which we played the role of the scapegoats, we can even, OURSELVES THE VICTIMS... WE CAN TURN INTO NARCISSISTS too! ie in job places or into a new family relationship with our half.. so we have really to open up our minds and eyes and watch carefully at others and also at ourselves behaviours.. cause only the awareness of the repetitive patterns can let us broke the course fo this viral thing called NArcissism in our lives

I’m married into a narcissistic family. It’s crazy. It’s like Aunts and uncles are the flying monkeys. My hubby and I have been no contact for years and it’s been the best years of our marriage!

Truth!!! ♥️ It's madness. The triangulation is horrendous. Escape before the toxicity kills you.

Left my entire family at 22. Total no contact. No money or stability. Broke up with gf as well. Was a rocky 2 years afterwards but now solid healthy and have loving sincere new family and money again. Solider on. Life gets considerably better. Brand new universe i am in right now and life is beautiful despite a rough beginning. Great video

@longhairdontcarealwaysslay6232

5 жыл бұрын

new family? explain please....

@kathyh4804

5 жыл бұрын

Awesome!!:)

@ilovemexoxo5720

5 жыл бұрын

How did u go homeless...how did u get to the shelter?

@angelacarleton9575

5 жыл бұрын

You are so "strong" may God Bless You for your successful journey out of this maze of narcissist family cult. I wished I had the nerve when I was at least 18 years old but didn't. So glad you got out early on and are now happy. Take care and be careful - because one can attract those that are a narcissist because I did and married one without realizing it at that time. That was a bad experience.

@brothajack1993

5 жыл бұрын

@@angelacarleton9575 Thankyou kindly. Yes I met many narcissists post family break up. Many, many narcissists. But the past 3 years has been a full on apprenticeship of direct experience in knowing how to handle them. I know what I say now might be hard to believe, but narcissists are incredibly easy to manipulate and deal with. I get a laugh out of them and their sense of self importance. I dont feel threatened around them any more or on guard. I dont seek them out either I avoid them. But when they come round its easy to play with them. Above all listen to your gut feeling. If someone makes me feel repetitivly bad i dont see them any more.

One thing that has brought me some comfort is that it wasn’t personal and that it’s okay to be a loner.

@yeahnahsweetas

4 жыл бұрын

Hey that's a really good point thanks buddy

@gamingqueen3913

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed

@simplybiking

4 жыл бұрын

Great point Carlos, it wasn’t personal. I like that.

@regulardude7961

4 жыл бұрын

Me too!

@reikocool1

4 жыл бұрын

What hes trying to say, i think, is to make solitude a best friend, therefore you're 1 step closer to finding you're true purpose in life. To untwist yourself from the pretzel that society wants you to be.

I grew up into a group of narcissist cults-my parents are both narcissist and most of my dads siblings have their own groups-it’s a bubble you cannot burst from the inside-it took 20 years of therapy for anxiety/stress. I don’t understand why my different therapist never told me-I would have saved years of therapy

@arbuznafiji

Жыл бұрын

Neither my therapist told me, until I ended up in psych ward because of total paranoia from cptsd (now I know) that the psychologist over there was shocked to hear about my mother and how dysfunctional she was and that was me realising first time in my thirties that my mother is not saint and the best mother but actually is psychopatological.

@23angelpie

3 ай бұрын

seems like I learn more on youtube in a shorter amt of time than i ever do in therapy.

Absolutely spot on. "One of the most difficult decisions of my life. One of the best decisions of my life. My only regret is that I didn't do it SOONER!"

I just went no contact today. Finally! A huge weight has been lifted. This was my Christmas gift to myself. Wish me luck with my recovery.

@bucklesmagee3806

5 жыл бұрын

Just remember no contact is something that most likely has to be maintained as gaslighting and "hovering" pops up even decades later. Most likely you're contacted ad your abusers come upon needs for which they need a slave, unpaid slave as a caregiver , ect. Research and read others long-term experiences. To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

@seekingmyself5770

5 жыл бұрын

Good luck - stay strong and don't respond when they start trying to pull you back into their web. Eventually, they'll give up. It's been two years this year for me, and I saw there was a missed call from my narcissistic parent's number on my birthday. I blocked it. I hope he finds someone else to scapegoat, because I've had enough. As long as you continue to maintain n.c. you'll continue to feel better and better.

@voicebistro2726

5 жыл бұрын

Good Luck. You can do this.

@r011ing_thunder6

4 жыл бұрын

update?

@Tropicalpisces

4 жыл бұрын

💪👍

It took me years to be able to attract healthy people into my life. I had to heal and to learn to love myself before I was able to do that.

@Seek_Him

3 жыл бұрын

I'm Still trying to learn to seek healthy relationships... I'm in my mid 50s!

@stanleymaestas5441

3 жыл бұрын

@@Seek_Him right behind ya, am 45 I just realized my codependency sickness within last few months and starting the arduous recovery 😅🙏💪🙃

@HeWhoFlewFromInwood

2 жыл бұрын

Bless you

the thing about them categorizing any disagreement as an attack is so spot on

This is sooo accurate. My mom acted like a cult leader. Everybody had to obey her and if you didn’t OMG she would make you PAY. She lies and even stole money from our whole family.

This was my first thanksgiving without my narc family, and it was a wonderful relaxing, beautiful day 🤗❤️

@InnerIntegration

5 жыл бұрын

Yay!! I’m glad you had a wonderful holiday without them.

@Ozma337

5 жыл бұрын

tx-sweet-p JG mine too! It was great!

@vibrantspirit5403

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, I did the same thing. It was sooo peaceful. I'm doing the same thing for Christmas, okay.

@laraoneal7284

5 жыл бұрын

tx-sweet-p JG Good got you. Yes we have peace after getting away from them. I don’t let anyone in my life that resembles my family either. I let a neighbor in as a friend but within Less than 6 mos I had to tell her to stay away.

@laraoneal7284

5 жыл бұрын

Good FOR you (correction) not got.

That's why I have little tolerance for people who react negatively when I tell them I had to let go almost all of my family. I get the canned response "But they are your family!" even though they have no idea what I've been through. For years, the so-called matriarch of my family influenced almost everyone in a toxic way. She set traps, lied, manipulated and everyone followed her. I finally woke up and and realized the game she played. When I chose to speak up, I became the classic scapegoat. That's fine, I'd rather be the scapegoat than the blind sheep running over the end of the cliff following a mad pied piper. Just because we share some DNA doesn't automatically make them a good fit for my life. Now I choose my family in the form of friends. Thanks Meredith.

@kathyh4804

5 жыл бұрын

We can pick our friends but not our family has been my motto We can’t be abused anymore

@JCredible86

5 жыл бұрын

Even though I do not know you I truly am proud of you. It takes a very strong and wise person to first be aware of what is happening, process it and then make the decision to free yourself.

@suecollins3246

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, I agree - you SHOULD be proud of yourself. I think it was George Burns who said 'there's nothing like a close, warm, caring, loving family - preferably on the other side of the world.'

@suecollins3246

5 жыл бұрын

AND - look at Kevin of The Royal We - he moved from California to St Louis Missourri to put distance between him and his wife's narcissistic family.

@bullyingaffectslives

5 жыл бұрын

I hate it when people say "But they're family...". I've been documenting my own vlogs of crap I've been going through as a way to get my truth out.

As someone with the personal experience of a narcissistic family, it's obvious to me that you really know your stuff. Thank you for providing valid directions. 😌

They get you to share and then use the info against you---so true. The family protects the image of the family. I tried to discipline my daughter who broke my ribs, and my sisters, mother, daughter and father all took her part over me. I was punished for even trying to talk about the issue. They gaslighted the entire issue and pretended it did not happen. "Oh, no, that didn't happen in OUR FAMILY! YOU are the CRAZY ONE! NOT US!"

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

Julie Basco,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

@shahadah1451

3 жыл бұрын

@@christianpulisic7784 Thank you.

@shahadah1451

3 жыл бұрын

@@christianpulisic7784 Where do you live? My family name was Baskovec before we came to America.

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

@@shahadah1451 You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌷.I am Christian pulisic from the States.

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

@@shahadah1451 You?

She speaks so much truth. Once you find out, run and never look back. You don’t own them an explanation.

@AsiahAaliyah

3 жыл бұрын

Yup even though they’ll make you believe that you do. But you DO NOT. Leave these people in the dust. As long as they’re carrying out evil you don’t have to let them use your good against you. Go in peace.

@ladennayoung2939

3 жыл бұрын

Right.

@Seneb8Khepera

3 жыл бұрын

They accuse me of being the weakest link in the family anyway...

@carriechampion3310

2 жыл бұрын

They usually know why, they are just baiting you.

@AnnaLVajda

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I almost married into a group like that it's so unsettling because they think it's normal and you are odd for not wanting to be a part of it. All enable one another smh.

Spent Thanksgiving all by myself and it was fine by me. Let them have all the ridiculousness at family functions. I want peace

@InnerIntegration

5 жыл бұрын

Amen!

@nikksenior1149

5 жыл бұрын

I spend my birthday and Christmas alone I can't stand the fakeness and the minipulation

@ksize3147

5 жыл бұрын

Calm not chaos. Alone is different from lonely.

@HotSeat17

5 жыл бұрын

Me too! It was fantastic!!!

@involuntarilycelebrate

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for not giving them the gift of your time. They don't deserve it!

6 brothers and a sister. Middle child and scapegoat. The Narcissists were on either side of me in birth order. I left and I’m done.

@beverlyhayshouston2770

2 жыл бұрын

Fifth child of seven. Baby girl. Artistic, empathetic, super sensitive, a bit psychic. Never fit in.

@anitaevans5361

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, I’m the only girl, I got brothers, I’m the 5th child and I was the scapegoat and lost child. As I talk with my older brothers, they also felt like the black sheep of the family. Our family dynamics was bizarre, it started simple and the dysfunction grew and became undercurrent. It seems as if each of us ended up with narcissistic partners. It takes a lot of work to get out from family, I’m in therapy and brainrinsing decades of filth 😑

@Joshdifferent

Жыл бұрын

💯💯🗣‼️‼️

@Joshdifferent

Жыл бұрын

💯💯💯

I went no contact with my mom, step dad, and sister after years of anxiety around them. I don’t want to explain more but want to tell you it is possible to go no contact. I have been seeing a therapist to go through this time in my life. I am also engaged to a wonderful human being who has gone with me to a therapy session and pretty much explained to us that we are like creating an entirely new family. I am ending the generational abuse that has run in my family. I’m grateful to have found this video! Thank you!

I was the scapegoat too, I KNEW it, and I GOT it! So they called me paranoid! But actually I was perceptive, from about the age of 3!!!

@oopsidazy143

3 жыл бұрын

Penny Sharland WoW! Your story sounds exactly the same as mine. Paranoid? I can’t remember how many times l heard this. I was constantly bullied by my siblings, also gaslighted. The things they said still haunt me to this day. For some reason l thought it was part and parcel of being children who were trying to survive in a dysfunctional family. This was an ongoing nightmare. I recall these moments all the way back to when l first began school. All 3 eventually married to monsters and once again my nightmare became an ongoing dream. It’s been 6 yrs now and one of my siblings (gold digger & unemployed) has tried to connect with my child. Like WTF...

@Shhways

3 жыл бұрын

I went completely no contact. I wish i could remember but i blocked out so much of my child hood i really don’t remember much. I have been able in many ways reconcile and take my experience and use it to be better learn from it and grow as a loving caring person. Still have many issues but one thing I learned to do it discern my feelings from others and how to spot manipulation and manipulative people well.

@leahwarrior1734

3 жыл бұрын

I understand you and I was too a victim of this myself growing up!! I had to walk away and cut off certain ties with family members for my own peace of mind!!! It was the best thing I ever did!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🌷🌷🌷🌷🙏🏼🙏🏼💜🙏🏼

@TheMonica82

3 жыл бұрын

Yep! #Same! I knew "something" was not right in that hell-hole of a household! #Blessings

@leahwarrior1734

3 жыл бұрын

It’s great that this subject has over so many years finally being brought to the surface! It was such a “ taboo” subject! Blessings to you dear and have a great weekend 🙏🏼🙏🏼🌷🌷🙏🏼🙏🏼

It's hard to wrap your head around how insidious they really are, it's hard to imagine.

@patriciaclark1492

4 жыл бұрын

true and others who didn't experience what you did even though in the same family will never understand or believe you.

@gisellegradvohl7654

4 жыл бұрын

@C J there is a effect meditation where you view your parents as little children, you see what they went through, and you hold them and forgive them. They were most likely abused as well and have all done "the best they can" with their broken spirit. It helped me. I hope it helps you.

@HighSpeedNoDrag

3 жыл бұрын

It was difficult to understand or even imagine in the beginning. Now, F@ck No.

@iamasoldierofgodkingofking1244

3 жыл бұрын

It makes you fight yourself as well as them trying to stay in the truth. It's hard to imagine how this seems to be enjoyed by the family.

@annemccarron2281

2 жыл бұрын

@@patriciaclark1492 I know, that's one of the most painful experiences for me. I am an honest person. I have no need to lie & even if I did, I would not.

I left when I was 17 and I’m now 62. I still have difficulty segregating my false reality childhood from my true realty as an adulthood they are both my true reality. Both now being my true reality which is the fiber I am made of. I thank God I left when at 17. I found a lovely family of a good friend that treated me like their own. I owe them my life. My only regret is that I let my parents back in my life after my child was born. We would have both been better of without them. Go find your joy and leave these people behind. Final word beware of putting yourself back in the same situation with best friends and love interests 🌷

I got out. Mines was so bad my brain actually took over and basically made me leave, like a survival mechanism. Good luck to those of you doing it now. Best thing that ever happened to me.

This describes my biological family perfectly. I was the scapegoat. Ran away 14 years ago and never looked back.

@monnieholmes7113

3 жыл бұрын

Smart

No contact is the only answer if you want a happy and healthy life. This lady is right on target.

@reikocool1

4 жыл бұрын

@goduskychris Chris Godusky 'Grey Rock' & 'Observe Don't Absorb', '3 strike rule', 'The Refusal Method' These people start fires... You just need to know which ones to put out. Just think you're Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park & you're facing a T-Rex. He spots you... what do you do to keep from being eaten like the other guy? Or in another case... think that the hulk is running wild. You know you cannot stop the hulk... but you can slow him down. You've got a 'suit' for the occasion, Mr. Stark.

@reikocool1

4 жыл бұрын

@goduskychris Chris Godusky I know your ordeal all to well. Mine was rep. Payee of me for years w_o any sign of me attaining ownership after the smear campaign of my stepmom & him.

@AZDC99

4 жыл бұрын

@@reikocool1 not to distract from the guys dilemma, but I fired my parents from being my payee years ago. Isn't it funny how they go from acting like it's a burden to getting resentful that they do not have that control anymore? These people are about control. Actually, control is the wrong word for it. It's all about domination for them. It wasn't that way until I hit my forties and then all sudden my alcoholic mom is trying to demand I go to some rehab for drinking everyday and doing drugs a few times a month. As a friend said to their mom about a similar dilemma, "if it's so good why don't you go?!" CLICK...phone hungup. The hypocrisy of these monsters knows no bounds. In more ways than just one or two. Completely unbelievable As to the guy who says they can't move out, if you're from a expensive metropolitan area like I am, move to Phoenix or Austin or something. It's been two decades since I've been there and it's the best choice I ever made in my life. I moved out with only a seabag of clothes and a few other things. No money saved. But I figured the town out and it all worked out

@jac1161

4 жыл бұрын

That was very, very hard for me. Italian (culture matters) enmeshment, so it was very very hard since it meant parting from most of my family. And not married, no children....can seem very, very alone. I focus on my jobs, talents, passions, nature, gardening, teaching zumba, journaling, reading, etc. But wow....just, wow. Hard stuff.

@robertandrocky5004

4 жыл бұрын

Narc just moved in my appt complex , we also have kids together

When I "woke up" the anxiety right before was so bad I felt like I was going to die but as I pushed through that and the fog lifted I wish I could've done it sooner. One day out of my family "cult" was happier than all the time in it.

Understanding your own role in the family dynamic, whether you are a scapegoat or a golden child or a drama child will help.🙏

@arlizan430

2 жыл бұрын

Drama child??

I was feeling guilty about not contacting my abusers. I happy to know that I must protect myself and my family from them. 💗💜💕💖

@AsiahAaliyah

3 жыл бұрын

Yes so important! I don’t want my husband to have to deal with my crazy narc fam and I definitely don’t want my future children to either.

@arnettabosby5100

3 жыл бұрын

Yes I would talk to my mom for hours on the phone. Did I want to be on the phone ?? No but didn’t know how to get off the line. Then I would go weeks without answering. When I did finally pick up, I lied. Oh you know I was really busy and didn’t feel well..... or whatever. Then she would call next day and I didn’t answer. She would call all day long and leave threatening messages. It was so sad. So one day I didn’t answer and it’s going on four years. But believe me she still tries.

@Butterflyyyy9

3 жыл бұрын

@@arnettabosby5100 I just block them from calling me

@arnettabosby5100

3 жыл бұрын

@@Butterflyyyy9 yeah I changed my number and I don’t know how she got it but they are all blocked again. It’s been four years.

@dyvette29

3 жыл бұрын

Yessss!!! So truth!

Left my narcissistic family 29 years ago. Best move I ever made!

the mantra that i hate the most: why don't you forgive and forget like everybody else?

I was so grateful for you bringing up the religious narcissist because my. parents have been using this as a cattle prod all my life.

@jennydoucette2538

Жыл бұрын

truth and facts

@ladygracesparkles

4 ай бұрын

I get this, I went no contact with the narc hypo-christians 23 years ago. Narc's don't get to go to the pearly gates, they just keep getting recycled back to the planet.

If you get out don't ever go back.

@hodaka1000

5 жыл бұрын

Been away for about 7 years now but still have like flash backs to the evil abuse.

@beijaflor1908

5 жыл бұрын

why n how do i love n care for certain ill insane ppl who seem to not love nor care for me....?! i don't want to. i need not to. i kicked em all out, except for certain blood relatives.... even tried to kick them out too, out of utter way too long overdue necessity.... yet it seems at least 2 ish slithered back in somehow just to continue chronically harming using abusing neglecting manipulating perpetually perpetrating etc etc.... UGH UGH .!!. ****

@GirishVenkatachalam

5 жыл бұрын

Yes come what may whatever the price never ever go back

@EmpressLexxASMR

4 жыл бұрын

I’m trying to get me and my son out now. I’m tired

This is my family - I was smeared to everyone so I’m alone now - but better off.

@Caracaraorangeberry

5 жыл бұрын

Me too

@CliffordStarks1

5 жыл бұрын

Hope you have found healthier people in your life👍

@marianallen8182

5 жыл бұрын

@@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023 Stay strong. I am about to retire and have been abused most of my life. No contact has been tough. I feel better. I haven't recovered fully but I am getting there. I am basically disowned at this point but my daughter's love me. GOD BLESS.

@margaritam8140

5 жыл бұрын

You're NOT alone! You have US and we have your back. xo

@dianeshirley6934

5 жыл бұрын

Now you get to CREATE the family of your dreams!!!! (Friends, healthy relatives, associates, pets...)

“We do everything as a family” “you’re not welcome in this family” lol

@chanb7168

2 жыл бұрын

LOL!!! Or get no invite or one at the last minute so you intentionally feel left out. Like "yea sure I can be ready in 10 minutes to walk out the door" when it takes at the very least 45 minutes to shower and get dressed. By that time the food is gone at the gathering and it's about to end. Haha! It is too ridiculous and I won't do it anymore after years of kissing their rears.

I am crying right now because they burned me again!!! I am so grateful I found this channel!!!! THANK YOU! All of you! I'm not alone 😢

I grew up as a scapegoat. I understand this dynamic so well.

@sensate444

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, now I am a scapegoat.

@PortraitofAsha

5 жыл бұрын

Me too

Ive already left my narcissistic "family" i dont trust anyone of those psychos.

@Butterflyyyy9

3 жыл бұрын

Yup them snakes will bite you

@jsf8145

3 жыл бұрын

Yep. Vindictive spirits will gossip about you and then smile to your face acting as if they "love" you and care for you deeply. Yet, if they cared for you, then why constantly trash your name all over town trying to "punish" you for having self respect and rejecting their arrogant behavior towards you.

@homedecorescents1825

3 жыл бұрын

I left as well. Out of 5 siblings only the golden child is left and she keeps her distance from my parents as well and remains low contact. However to them, she can do no wrong. They would invite her out for mother’s or Father’s Day and exclude everyone else. They would use the excuse that she just happened to show up at their house. My narc father one year took everyone to dinner. When the bill came,, he told the server he was paying for everyone except myself, my boyfriend and my daughter but paid for my sister and her partner. He did that on purpose to humiliate me. The anger is coming out now which is a good thing. I’m done with these jackwagons for parents.

@nadiranorjahan

2 жыл бұрын

@@homedecorescents1825 Oh, God! So glad you left that situation!!!

Literally every single part of this video describes one or multiple people of my entire family..

I went no contact with my abusive narcissistic family just last night. For 15 years i didn't know what this was. I knew they made me feel ill, never good about myself, but didn't know this existed. Thank you for what you've helped me realize, for giving me the strength and terminology to identify this for what it is. It's my in-laws, and i have children with my husband. I'm terrified bc I've been doing reading about the fallout from going no contact. I have no idea what the days ahead hold (ok, i do have an idea, but hope that maybe it won't happen in this case), but if my gut feeling is right, this is going to be hellacious. None The less, i know it was the right decision mostly for the sake of my 5 and 6 year old daughters who have witnessed their mother (me) being targeted, screamed at, insulted, and gaslighted 4x in the 6 hangouts we've allowed the last few months. (Then the gifts and loving words and "but we're family" always quickly follow.)

@moonchildpink5525

Ай бұрын

Be your own best friend so that your daughters will witness what is not acceptable behavior & how to have the confidence & courage to take a stand in ur own defence. It definitely will b difficult at first, especially because ppl like them have "brass balls" & do not feel bad for their behavior however once u get through with time & determination u will b amazed at the beauty of peace & freedom once u get it back or feel for the 1st time! Wishing u the very best on your journey! 😊

My mother was a covert narcissist. I spent my entire childhood listening to her gossip on the phone about her children to her "friends". As we got older, she would call each of us to "see how we were doing" only to call the next sibling to tell them all about you. ... So the scenario would be ... Your mother calls you with the false pretense that she cared about YOU but the conversation revolved around another family member. .... This left you feeling abandoned by your mother and resentful to your other family members. I didn't realize this until I was speaking with a cousin, who had just had a baby, and my aunt (my mother's sister) was being attentive to her. I remarked that my mother would never show me support or encouragement. Her response was ... Are you kidding? She never shuts up about you! My mother's tag line ... I just wish all my children would love each other and get along. LOL

@CynthiaSchoenbauer

5 жыл бұрын

It is amazing. My mother did and said the same thing. I could not figure out how I was feeling I never got any support or encouragement. I thought it was something wrong with me. Now I know why I pulled away from my mother. It is important that I know that I did that and for me to know why.

@mdaze9753

5 жыл бұрын

@@CynthiaSchoenbauer I am sorry you went through it too. To me, I felt extremely embarrassed and hurt. As a result my dissociation "skills" were established before I could tie my own shoes. There are HUGE gaps of my life that I cannot remember. It is amazing how some parents use innocent children for their own satisfaction. They are the sick and twisted ones. Take Care -- You are not alone 💜

@InnerIntegration

5 жыл бұрын

M Daze how similar our mothers are!

@CynthiaSchoenbauer

5 жыл бұрын

@@mdaze9753 Thank you so much. I feel less abandoned and I realize more that good people and healing experiences provide the antidote to the poison that we are carrying around in our hearts. When we know what we are looking for and we know we deserve that, then we can have those wonderful things happen. Embarrassed is what I have been for so long. And hurt to my core!

@garettpringle9899

5 жыл бұрын

Holy shit you just DEFINED my mother.

I married into this family. They had me fooled for years. They all covered up for each other. Definitely no boundaries!

@anneoftheland1658

4 жыл бұрын

I know the feeling.

@rakeshbhansali4907

4 жыл бұрын

Same here! These bastards extreme..

@bernardoromero1825

4 жыл бұрын

I hope my son gets out soon before things get worse especially the children.....

@Comeswoopfam

4 жыл бұрын

Me too, I disappeared like hudini too lol

@Butterflyyyy9

3 жыл бұрын

@@bernardoromero1825 Yup

This is so spot on. You've described my entire life perfectly even down to them covering up abuse as a way to protect their image and me getting immediately scapegoated for it

I walked away from my covert mother and golden child brother six years ago. It was hard but the best thing I ever did. I hear last week my once beautiful younger brother went to jail?? All along I was the 'bad' one. I left because.... he had turned which open my eyes. There is no satisfaction in hearing that news and no doubt it will still be my fault. On a side note. I'm happy, lovely with a whole new group of people that can see that.

@annemccarron2281

2 жыл бұрын

My golden child sister spent time in jail too for not paying child support. She had her kids taken away from her. She slept with my husband. I was the "parasite," accird8ng to my mother, yet I never took a dime from my parents after I graduated from H. S. I believe the scapegoats do much better than the golden child in the long run.

This is right on time for me. I've set boundaries for my family. Skipped a 100th birthday party. Did Thanksgiving on my own. Funny thing is no one called or reached out to see if I was really okay. Speaks to the family dynamic of "group think." I'm okay with that. They can keep that toxicity. ✋🏾

@InnerIntegration

5 жыл бұрын

Great job opting out!

@wellnative1

5 жыл бұрын

You go Girl! 🙌🏼👍🏼❤️

@babsychicky

5 жыл бұрын

@@InnerIntegration can u help me im realy strugling with this im all for no contact with narcasist but what happens when that person dies? I never lost full contact+was relieved as when they pased as i would of strugled so luch more with soo much regret i was thankful for those few good times ..please share ur thoughts Meridith

@joshua3392

5 жыл бұрын

Karin,amen to that sister!.You sound awesome.You called it "group think".Ill remember that.Thats new for me.It speaks volumes how they ain't gonna do nothing because it's simply the right thing to do.No,they wont lift a finger unless they think the snake pit approves.And that shows us who's who.A moral compass of integrity will reach out in sincerity and wont care who is hair lipped.But the spineless coward enablers tell on themselves by hiding under in the bed in their silence.

@KarinMYearwood

5 жыл бұрын

daisys time thank you for your encouragement. Yes, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Hope you did too!

I was the scapegoat and truth teller in my narcissistic abusive family. Your description of the traits of a narcissistic family are painfully true. I went no contact over a year ago and trying to recover from a lifetime of abuse. They destroyed my life and it took me a lifetime to get out. I wanted to protect my kids from them. They took my life but I didn’t want them to take theirs.

@DoubleRainbows-fp6ih

5 жыл бұрын

@Juliette York Same here...up till 55. I'm finding EMDR EXTREMELY helpful... Like...I'm starting to feel They are crazy and so cruel. Hopefully as it works more & more I will just see them as pure crazy alone & pitiful for believing total Bullshit....like spoonfed babies with no minds of their own.

@amberdawn1244

4 жыл бұрын

I didn't understand what was going on till it was too late. They got my son & he overdosed in October 2016! But now, I'm writing a book about it, & hopefully will honor my son's memory by helping others learn about this!

@joncena168

4 жыл бұрын

Best wishes friend. Peace and love to you

@fifilafleur5555

4 жыл бұрын

Amber Dawn, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I am just wondering if they were the cause of your son’s passing. Prayers and condolences for you. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@marthadwyer2856

4 жыл бұрын

62 years old and broke away, such a fantastic feeling almost Undescribable

I can totally relate to this video. I am a victim of a Narcissist’s Family Cult too. No contact for 3 years now. Life may be difficult because I’m starting all over from rock bottom but I am no longer tied up and suffocated... I could breathe freely now. My only regret is I wasted so much time, money and efforts to these narcissist family members. Thank you for this video that truly validates my feelings. Found my adoptive sister 💙 I hope to find my adoptive parents soon ❤️

Your video is painfully spot on. I have been scapegoated by my family my whole life. I was the child that asked why instead of blindly following along. I recently got diagnosed with complex PTSD and am still on my healing journey. I moved out when I was 22 and now that I´m 25 I have successfully cut both my parents out of my life. With my father (the narc) it was quite easy as I never felt connected to him anyways, but with my also abusive mother it was a bit harder, as I saw her as another one of his victims for the longest time. But as you said I can´t trust her with anything as it will probably get through to my father in the end. My younger brother is going to move out from home in one month and lately he has shown signs that he is finally waking up and it gives me so much relief, as he was such an enabler for the longest time. I think I can now safely say that no new narcissist is going to arise from our family and the disorder will die with my parents. Thank you for the great content

People like you making films like this ARE my validation. My only validation. Thankyou

@RosieHollowayLondon

4 жыл бұрын

Reuben Fryer I know xxx

@sideswiped6874

4 жыл бұрын

I know just how you feel, with me it's a ball of tacks in my gut

@SS-pz6wj

4 жыл бұрын

We believe you. ♥️

@stillness4610

4 жыл бұрын

@@ivanivkovicmusic YES. You can and you MUST. For the sake of yourself and anyone who may question why you left enough, to wake up themselves. We did it. You can do it! Find real friends and remember that there is a difference between "relative" and "family".

Honestly one thing people should take away from this is going no contact is literally one of the most empowering decisions you could make. Going no contact with my narcissistic mother and my sister (flying monkey very very toxic) was the BEST choice I’ve ever made and I can’t stress how much emotional growth awaits you when you get out of that toxic environment. Great video love your advise 💕

@bethmund9023

5 жыл бұрын

Me, too. thank you for the validation

@AStef-tl8yj

5 жыл бұрын

Same here. NC for one year... Found my pride and sanity!

@indiesindie1984

5 жыл бұрын

Totally!

@Agibbons69420

5 жыл бұрын

Porsha Cook did this a week ago

I can't believe how accurate this is... I'm so shocked...they actually would say all family's behave like this, its normal.

@robinantonio8870

5 ай бұрын

I don't know any healthy family

gosh, you nailed it: "this is the fight of/for your life." thanks for this video ❤

I’m the oldest of 7 and the ONLY ONE WHO LEFT AND I LEFT PERMANENTLY. You’re very fortunate to even have one ally. I gave up looking for allies. No one and I mean no one gets it. I’m the only one also who is red pilled. You’ve done an excellent job here articulating this dynamic.

@LouiseHansenDrawing

5 жыл бұрын

Perhabs you saw through the fake merry-go-rounds of "lets bully everyone we percieve as below us"... I escaped such conditioning aswell being the oldest of 5 siblings and I so resonate with not having anyone on your team. I just broke it with an abusive ex and live in a homeless facility feeling targeted by staff members and abusive/low vibrating people living here.. Its a bizarre show and I dont know about you, but they literally try destroy everything you hold dear.. If your having a bad they, rest assure they are gonna try to bring you even lower. Dont let anything bring you down honey, they are the ones with the problem. You got heart support from all other scapegoats/survivors. They might fool eachother, but those who see this game and chose to live by higher morals, well they can't fool us. Like.. They associate for attention, we live by principles. Atleast that how i see it.. I wish i lived in a community with solely scapegoats. What a non toxic, peaceful, creative, empathic loving environment that would manifest 💜

@Irene-gq4jr

5 жыл бұрын

My cousin went aggressively no contact and got shit talked no end. By the time this happened I'd already moved across the country and had little contact with a good excuse, visiting only because my mum was such a loving woman and I was everything to her and vice versa, although I did see her as 'weak' when it came to standing up to my grandparents, who had a very damaging influence on mum and her sisters. They also said some dreadful things to me when I was young and I remember them with crystal clarity even though they denied it when I called them on it as an adult. My cousin and I were able to keep in touch because I'd distanced myself too, and while we hardly live in each other's pockets these days I get why she spat the dummy out and we can talk frankly. This helped me realize I wasn't just an ungrateful freak. It's also looking very likely that I'm on the autism spectrum, double whammy, and with no good role models to learn correct behaviour from in this respect (autistic girls really need to watch and copy) I've had one fucking terrible relationship after another until I finally did enough research into my behaviour, applied it and met Mr Right a few years ago. Fortunately I found my career niche as an IT geek so all was not lost and I have otherwise had a good life.

@toughgirl6837

5 жыл бұрын

Lara O'neal I grew up with nine kids. I was scapegoated in my family because I was a truth seeker. I didn't buy into their "l'm perfect" narrative. I paid a high price for telling the truth.

@khouston3903

5 жыл бұрын

I'm the oldest of of 7 and the only 1 left too. Wow

@Irene-gq4jr

5 жыл бұрын

@@LouiseHansenDrawing I've no doubt you already know this, but it's worth reiterating for those who may not... tell them NOTHING about your private life or your current insecurities. Niceties such as "How are you today?" require the upbeat response "I'm good! How are you?". Don't feed the trolls, rise above it. Even if you aren't feeling great, keep it to yourself until you get the chance to speak to someone you KNOW you can trust. Not everyone is a narc but some may be damaged in other ways and inclined to want to keep you down to make themselves feel like they are not such a loser. I'm not even sure about counsellors or mental health professionals, for the reason many are drawn to this work is often that they're pretty screwed up themselves. When I bolted from a dangerously abusive relationship nearly 20 years ago I was fortunate enough to be able to lodge with a dear friend while I found a new place to live. She was going through a very sad relationship breakup with a lovely man who has bipolar disorder (initiated by him), and our mutual support and regular tears of laughter and occasional, inexpensive nights out just being girlies again helped us both heal, as well as helping us both transition financially. I write this with love to you and everyone else who is going through such an experience.

Got out 5 years ago and every word you say is true. The further I get the more I have done well for myself by getting that constant talk out of my head. We hear the words toxic so much thrown around but its like a cancer we don't realize is in there. Once we lean in to the loneliness and the horrors of orphaning ourselves we detox this kind of crap and crappy people we couldn't recognize earlier in the game. I swear I didn't even have to do much; life just kinda got in there and moved me by default. No way my narc tank family would have allowed me to finish my degree and start making good money for myself. They would have sabotaged me or had me do it myself. Always thought I was not good in school. I was a big daydreamer the teachers said but now I know it was disassociation from all the chaos at home. Lack of concentration is one of the biggest symptoms of CPTSD. I read some books on it and learned how to 'lean in' to the loneliness and stay present. What a perk on top of everything else to realize I'm a book smart too now. I really thought I was just dumb and stupid. They know by now I'm serious five years later and I know they creep and i NEVER DO. Totally desperate to get me back into the frey and I couldn't care less to be bother to finish the story. All I can say is No Contact seriously saved me from murder or suicide and that's not multiple choice.

@InnerIntegration

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing these encouraging insights with others! It’s amazing how much life changes on the flip side of narc abuse.

@IrinaCastilloMusic

5 жыл бұрын

Wow, I can relate to this so much! I always thought I had ADHD because I couldn’t concentrate on anything longer than 15 minutes. Now I can read a book in one sitting without trouble. It‘s crazy how crippling this form of abuse is, I hope more people find out about this, it’s so helpful and life-changing 💙

@tracy8591

5 жыл бұрын

They don’t want you to really succeed. They want to keep you dependent on them. Healthy families raise healthy children to send out to the world and make decisions for themselves. Narcs are terrified the day their adult children/family may see red flags within the family and actually act on those warnings signs. They also never expect it to happen, they are too arrogant and caught up in their distorted world to believe we would actually walk away.

@garettpringle9899

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks to you Meredith. Been a fan for years.

@crystalmorgan9118

5 жыл бұрын

Garret I know the feeling

Grew up in an extended family with my grandfather as the patriarch. 40 years old but this video is giving me confirmation today that I did grow up somewhat in a family cult. Thank goodness he wasn't so rich and education was !mandatory. He didn't really care for girls especially going to school I now realise. It wld explain the odd, angry looks I got from him sometimes when I was leaving for school. To make matters worse, I was good at school and he hated me more for proving him wrong that I wasn't dumb. But geez he seriously attacked me as a kid and every single other family member joined in and agreed with him that I was dumb. He's dead but all his sons are misogynist idiots and daughters all abused submissive wives.

My family's mantra: "You only hurt the ones you love."

@lisamh9037

3 жыл бұрын

Oh boy. My ex husband literally told me that when I was in tears about his terrible treatment. Thank God I got away from that crazy family.

No contact with my mother and siblings was the most important thing I’ve ever done. It was the only way to healing ❤️

@InnerIntegration

4 жыл бұрын

Amen!

@josephg1855

4 жыл бұрын

Me too! I wish things were different, but I’m happier being away from those demons. I was the scapegoat for all their bad decisions in life.

@mm669

3 жыл бұрын

For me, the sibling abuse was the most hurtful betrayal. When my mom got Alzheimers, I thought I could finally have the sisters I always wanted, the ones that popped out over the years with the love bombing, boy was I wrong. All the claws came out to see who would take mom's Narc throne. I got away. Don't be gullible like me and fall for this trap.

These people are demons. Evil psychopathic behaviors.

@annamarie8168

4 жыл бұрын

That’s the conclusion I’ve come to...

@melanie.l6282

4 жыл бұрын

i agree so much there should be a law to punish those criminals

@chrisgould101

3 жыл бұрын

I eventually arrived at this too. They are possessed quite literally. An empty shell

@satchsatch33

3 жыл бұрын

@@sailingaeolus Me too !

@ZFern9390

3 жыл бұрын

and there are A Lot of them

I am not kidding that every single thing you said was exactly my childhood. My mind is blown right now. If this was also your childhood my heart is with you, we made it through!!

It really is like a cult. I now see it spreading to the other side of my family. My cousins children are now not well.

Apparently my mother in law is a text book, classical narcissist. She doesn't like me deep down, cause I have a serious allergic reaction to bullshit. Yeah.... total cult leader.

@mermaidlorelei1045

5 жыл бұрын

Mine too! She’s hated me since day one because he’s her surrogate husband. I’m getting out through divorce. She has my husband enmeshed in her sick, emotional incest relationship and has basically destroyed our marriage through all of her narc abuse. Because of the enmeshment he must always put her first, he’s unable to give me romantic love like a man should ...I swear that he feels some kind of guilt when he tries, and he has a sick sex addiction because of it all! My husband fully believes their relationship is healthy and wonderful! He’s giving up his wife, kids, and will pretty much be broke in order to move her nasty ass here and wait on her hand and foot until she finally drops dead! It’s all so sad but at least his scapegoat sister is finally no contact and is healing and recovering and I helped save her daughter who was being molded into the golden grandchild.

@mermaidlorelei1045

5 жыл бұрын

Fila Kri I’ve refused to bow down too and boy o boy have I been “burned at the stake” for noncompliance! Lol. No BS for this strong woman! ;)

@mermaidlorelei1045

5 жыл бұрын

maja boban The back of the t-shirt should also say...”I REFUSE to bow down!” Lol

As an only child I was simultaneously the scapegoat, Golden child & the lost/forgotten child. I am constantly at war with myself

@lauram8973

2 жыл бұрын

I was also the only in a family of two parents one an overt N and the other borderline with NPD. It is a special kind of confusion.

@ladennayoung2939

2 жыл бұрын

You have to choose to not live from that place in your life anymore. If you still choose to let that control who you are. You are still letting them control and manipulate you, and that isn't good for anyone.

I wrote a letter to my parents telling them how unhappy they sometimes made me from child to adult. I showed the letter to a counsellor. I asked her if I was being silly or if I was justified in feeling upset. Her reply was "of course this is appalling" I posted the letter and got a reply from my parents telling me how devastated they are and how selfpittying I am and how I misconstrued situations I referred to, ie they never happened. I have not spoken to them in months and I feel I am in a healing place now, I feel relief and contentment.

@ranger4779

3 жыл бұрын

"FORGIVENESS"? --- im 67yo scapegoat. Forgiving these NARC monsters is just another toxic layer of abuse. THEY ONLY LIVE IN A FANTASY. "IT NEVER HAPPENED": They are 100% innocent and it never happened to you.CORRECT? ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM.

Its amazing to see everyone who is/has dealt with this treatment getting over this hump in life. Everyone here will heal. Infinite love and happiness to you all. Mahalo💚

@lisa7711

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I’m so happy I found this video tonight. It’s already helping me and making me feel so much better. 😊❤️

You just described my family. I have been no contact with them for over 4 years and I feel so much better.

@kionamcnutt8630

4 жыл бұрын

I would definitely leave and try to relocate but I don't have the money and I absolutely love my son. He is a victim of satanic ritual abuse just like me. He's a targeted individual also. The thought of it horrifies me. It's not his fault. He's just a kid. A child of the Apocalypse. They teach him their poisonous ways and try to develop Stockholm Syndrome in him. I have to fight for him and remain a voice in his ear. He's my only son.

@Ambrosha385

4 жыл бұрын

Kiona McNutt money is a small thing. For your soul and his and both of your sanity? Easy for us to say but there may be more available to support you than you think. Reach out for help and research and learn with every fiber of your being.

@mikelouis9389

4 жыл бұрын

Stay strong. It's been 8 years for me and it gets easier.

@Kelly-oe8kr

4 жыл бұрын

No contact 20 years! No regrets but I sometimes wish I could pick up a phone and have a civil conversation like normal people.

@mikelouis9389

4 жыл бұрын

@@Kelly-oe8kr The clue phrase being "normal people".

I knew from a tender age that there was something really wrong with my family. I just knew it. I even had dreams about my mother being a villian.

@beijaflor1908

5 жыл бұрын

i knew somn was wrong too.... from a young age....

@juliepeterson4905

4 жыл бұрын

I knew my mother was not right in the head from a very young age as well. I never felt real love from her. I would say "I wish i was never born".

@angdlwil4111

4 жыл бұрын

I figured out my family wasn't right at an early age, to the world your parents seem wonderful, but when no one is around they change, I was always apologizing for everything, even if it wasn't my fault, so then as you grow up you begin to see the truth, it's unreal when you confide into someone and everyone else thinks different, I didn't know a name for it till I started researching things, and I read a lot of articles on psychology. Wow was my family so disfun

@mikelouis9389

4 жыл бұрын

I was terrified of my stepfather. I saw in his eyes my death.....at 4 years old. He was a perfect match for my mother. I focused on him and never noticed that she was the true threat. He's dead now, she's hanging on like a lamprey. I keep a covert internet eye on them. Other than that, absolutely no further contact. Life can be good.

@winsells8527

4 жыл бұрын

Lesego Madisa me too but my Godly-Dad

I've been in therapy for 20 plus years and this is the best advice I have ever received. Thank You!

Omg I wished I had seen this before we had our kids. I wouldn't have brought my kids around my mother. I had no idea this behavior wasn't normal. Even her family seen the abuse they still will not back me up. Shes calling me a crazy liar. My downsyndrom brother is the victim in all this. Hes being kept from me. But I realized a couple days ago just how really wrong things were. Your accurate description of my childhood has my jaw on the floor it's like you were there! The realization that I never actually had a momma and she prevented me from having a relationship with my dad. We were all in the same house I really dont know him either. Thank you for what you're doing. You dont know how much my eyes have opened in the last 10 minutes.

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

Misty dawn,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

@mistydawn2717

3 жыл бұрын

@@christianpulisic7784 thank you ♥️

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

@@mistydawn2717 You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌺.I am Christian from the States.You?

@mistydawn2717

2 жыл бұрын

@p. Victory hind sight is always 20/20 I guess but our kids know it's not right so they avoid the mess.

I'm scared of people and trust no one. I hate feeling this way, but all I've attracted is toxic people who want to hurt me... I'm tired

@thaistomp

5 жыл бұрын

That's because most of society are narcissists these days. They live to serve Satan.

@jcisking9622

5 жыл бұрын

Ask Jesus to help you. He saved my life. Freedom and joy is available. Personal relationship with the King is wonderful.

@lindahollander3588

5 жыл бұрын

Don't feel bad I understand,same thing happened to me,I don't trust people,but still enjoy the good people,don't share too much information though like I did,that's where I made a mistake, do the right thing and u will rise above evil

@kendu5636

5 жыл бұрын

Same here. There are better things than people. Pets, wisdom, nature, travel.

@bookofkatherine

5 жыл бұрын

Keep at it. The healthier you get, you'll start to naturally attract good people. They aren't in the places we're used to looking, but places like conventions with shared interests are a great place to start. You don't have to talk to anyone, but just feel out people - learn who it's safe to sit in the same row as, vs not, etc. Takes time, but it will happen.

I just got out but I am in the very early stages and I am seeing a counselor. I really miss the love bombing and I am definitely going through grief and withdrawal from the trauma bonding experience of my 39 years. Please wish me strength 🙏

@angelinegrows7765

3 жыл бұрын

Bless you , still struggling with these things even though I know what’s going on

@cheberur

2 жыл бұрын

Lara Pauley, thank you for mentioning the love bombing and trauma bonding. I kept wondering why I wanted back even though I knew it wasn't good for me. I couldn't understand why I missed them... The truth is I missed the love bombing...

@ClarityDetermination

2 жыл бұрын

Strength girl!

@lidanygonzalez846

2 жыл бұрын

I’m 41 and just coming to the realization that i was scammed and robbed of my childhood and psychologically terrorized and brain washed.

@ClarityDetermination

2 жыл бұрын

@@lidanygonzalez846 I hear you. 5 minutes ago I said out loud to my late dad... You were such a shitty father and I can't believe the relief I felt when you died. Who feels relief when someone dies. Anyway, the next emotion up from depression is anger and if you suppress that so others feel better then you're going back down to depression. The emotions have to be gotten through and I can't write them down but google Abraham-Hicks list of emotions. Tell people to perhaps stay their distance or stay and support you while you get through some rage then anger then blame then frustration keep going. You can win.

Symptom: they treat your siblings different for the same deeds and actions